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Keeping Your Private Life Private
The main point is to have a clear and detailed story to fall back on. You are just trying to keep your private life private. But if a friend or family member thinks you’re not telling the truth, they are going to wonder what you are hiding. A boss might put up red flags that could hurt your performance reviews or advancement opportunities. The more organized you are as a team, the less questions you’ll have to field.
The “Shaggy” Defense
What happens if you are caught red handed? Just take a lesson from Shaggy (the hip-hop artist, not Scooby-Doo’s pal).
We knew a couple that had checked in a few days early for one of our lifestyle conventions. They were eager to see New Orleans and wanted to spend a few days sightseeing before the party got started. Unfortunately for them, a co-worker saw them driving up to the hotel check in.
They ran into the co-worker the following week. Here is how the conversation went:
Co-worker: "Hey, we saw you driving up to the Holiday Inn in New Orleans last week. Did you know they were having a swingers convention there?"
Couple: "It wasn’t me."
Co-worker: "Yes, I saw you guys, you were in your new white SUV."
Couple: "It wasn’t me"
Co-worker: "But I saw your dog, Angel, sitting on your lap. It had to be you."
Couple: "It wasn’t me."
You get the picture. Eventually, the co-worker actually believed he must have been seeing things. He was positive it was them, but it couldn’t have been if they were so adamant that they weren’t there. Sometimes those eyes do play tricks on us.
Those are three basic ways to handle unexpected questions. You can just admit to being a swinger and deal with the repercussions, you can come up with an alibi and keep your life private or you can simply deny, deny, deny.
Always be prepared for the unexpected moment when you have to decide on which avenue you are going to take. Stumbling, mumbling and bumbling through your answer will only make it obvious to everyone that you are indeed swingers.
Shaggy’s "It Wasn’t Me" Strategy in Action
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Come out, come out, wherever you are!
Everyone should come clean with their kinky business, it’s better that way.
I write a sex blog and I know that my writing about super personal details about my sex life and what goes on in my head helps other people feel better about what they have going on (or WANT going on!)
Let’s make it hip to be open and honest.
(This said, I do feel bad for a swinger couple I know who live in a very small town and was outed by local teenagers messing around online posting fake swinger ads. I’m not sure how it all went down, but it would have been nice had they said, “Yeah we’re swingers, what’s it to you?” instead of feeling all ashamed. They weren’t doing anything wrong!)
Absolutely share it with your kids and family. Not only will you help others understand that it’s a valid, enlightened choice, you will take away the misconception that swinging is a lurid, immoral behavior (see recent news regarding the Stone/Spitzer affair). Besides, don’t you want your children to grow up knowing that sexual freedom is a good thing?
Not everyone enjoys non monogamy but swingers can be regular people and deserve to be out of the closet. It can be tough for kids who grow up in that lifestyle though, who feel that if they are monogamous they are prudes. Swingers need to keep their sex lives separate from their children otherwise they will be very resentful and need lots of therapy!