Since my last post in July my husband and my relationship with our great friends has went from friends and swings to Polyamory lovers. He is like a second husband and she is another wife to my husband. We just happen to live in separate homes. I can't image not having this type of relationship now that I have been in it. You should know that Polyamory does not have to involve sex. It can just be emotional support.

The man I've been seeing recently is poly. As his friend I support him in whatever works for him; in practice, I know eventually it will end our romantic relationship (though not the friendship, and we connect in many nonsexual ways).

I see many benefits to polyamory, and I'm sure it's incomprehensible to him why I'd ever want to break up for the mere reason of meeting someone else I want to date.

But.. but.. for me, at this time and place in my life, the best relationship I could have would be one I put all my available time and energy into. As I read on a polyamory website, "Love may be infinite, but available time and resources are not."

Are you sure you're up to the emotional demands of two women? I asked him. I don't know, he said.

Exactly.

With the right people

My wife and I have a girl friend(Columbia), we are in a ploy relationship in which we are much like family. Currenlty my wife is looking for a guy to fuck our girlfriend so Columbia can have some one on one with a man as I am currently only allowed to play with Columbia when my wife is present.

I should be grateful but I get hurt think about sharing our girlfriend with another guy?

Does this make me a selfish fucker and loving man?
Jone...

Like everyone else that is monogamous, I believe TO EACH HIS OWN, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone or is breaking the law...I can't change it and I don't hate them for it, I just wish to discuss it.
However, I continue to read these facts on polyamorous, polygamist, and swinger sites that state, "people in these lifestyles are happier. They are happier together and their love is stronger because they have trust and honesty with each other."
The main problem with the last part, the trust and honesty, is that they just redefine trust and honesty. With a swinging lifestyle, there is nothing to be distrustful or dishonest about. Of course there is no distrust, because it is impossible when all is allowed. If a parent said to a child, "You can have a cookie at any time as long as you tell me", and the child eats a cookie every 10 minutes, of course he will tell his mom "I WANT A COOKIE", because he will get it. This may seem like trust, but rather it is a cover for trust. There is no trust when there is nothing to be untrusting about. You can't trust somebody with your favorite toy if you don't give them the toy. Its the same thing. With sex and swingers, what are you trusting them with? What are you giving to them that you are saying, "I trust you will do the right thing?"
And to the whole happiness thing. Again, of course it may seem people are happier in a swinging lifestyle, because they are indulging in all their fantasies and desired experiences. Remove those indulgences and fantasies and they will fall back into unhappiness. Further, if a spouse says, "I don't wish to be a swinger anymore", how many of those loving couples who said their relationship was strengthened, stay together and remain JUST as happy? Remove the experiences and you remove the happiness, this is how it is with all sensual indulgence. It is like this with crack addicts, all drug junkies, all aldrenaline junkies, all power-hungry fanatics...everyone. When you get what you want, you are happy. When you don't get it, you are unhappy. that is how it is. It is the simple case of Freudian psychology (which says that the way to fix problems is by gratifying one's desire and needs), which has much research done to prove that sensual and instant gratification of needs is not a lasting solution. Sure these couples may be happier, but only because they get what they want. take it away and their relationship will fall, UNLESS they go back to it at some later time. Therefore, their relationship is not based on love, as all claim, but on gratification.

I'm totally amazed at the misinformation people use to attempt to persuade others of their misbehavior. Calling polyamory or swinging cheating is misusing the word and defining the word as something that the word doesn't represent except in the minds of those who might accept any meaning even though totally incorrect. Someone stated that these behaviors contributed to increase of STD's. As a professional medical trained individual,
the increase is nowhere increased by these activities. The statistics show that swingers have a lower rate of STD's than the general population because they take a high interest in preventing STD's within the lifestyle. Protection is usually provided at most all functions. If you don't believe me check the national figures on rate of STD's in swingers vs. the general population. A person who involves them self in swinging must not have a relationship problem as this will do nothing to help them any more than couples who have3 a child hoping the child will help their relationship.
I'll repeat again "A person has a right to their own opinion but not a right to their own facts."
Now to polyamory; with over 50% of marriages breaking up from real cheating, growing separate, not really being in love at the beginning, and any numerous other reasons, polyamory has become a viable alternate. Yes, to the person who stated they had never seen a poly relationship work, you haven't been looking very hard. There are triads, groups and couples with LDRs all over the country. Because society, as a rule, can't deal with persons who don't behave as they are expected to behave, most "don't shout it from the front steps." Society has just begun to accept homosexuality as maybe not really being a choice. Recent research in genetics and hormonal influence during gestation of the human has proven this to be a very likely cause of any gender difference, or degree of difference.
My lover and I are in a poly relationship that has been active for more than ten years. Yes, at first I had some issues to deal with but as I learned to know the other gentleman I realized that he was just as loving, respectful and kind to my lover as I. He just filled an area of her life that I was unable to fill. I now spend time helping her get ready to visit him and we three have spent time together. He has no agenda as to splitting us up and if he lived closer perhaps he could spend more time with her. My lover, wife, and I have a loving relationship going on thirty plus years.
Our belief is that each of us has the right to leave if desired so we, each, work on making the relationship strong and loving.
Perhaps some could not do this but I maintain this relationship is so much better than serial monogamy, constant fear of being left, anger and hate of a divorce, pain to the children of these relationships, and many other situations that I see no comparison to our polyamory with monogamy.
I repeat "One has a right to their opinions but not a right to their own facts."

Thanks to everyone for the really great discussion on this topic.

We just want to place an emphasis on what JC said. The swinger lifestyle IS NOT a patch for a broken relationship but it can make an already strong relationship even better.

To make an open sexual relationship work, there has to be complete trust in the relationship already. There's absolutely no room for jealousy and ownership.

One other thing, as an individual - NEVER, ever, get into this kind of relationship for your partner. If you're going to swing, do it for one reason and one reason only - because YOU want to.

Bryan:
Of course you are into her bring a female friend into bed with you two. What red blooded American or foreign man for that matter wouldn't be.
Sex is an animal instinct, and humans are one of the few creatures that do it for pleasure. Swinging is about sex and pleasure not love. However swinging is not a way to repair a broken relationship. You must already be deeply in love and completely trust your spouse or you will only cause more problems. I have known couples who got into it for that reason and it only ended badly, most of the time in a bitter divorce. I would suggest counseling before swinging.

My husband and I have been happily married for 23 years. We have been Swinging for 2 years now. It has been great, we have made some nice friends. We have our rules set and both follow then, safe sex always and only married couples. Our sex life between us has not been this hot for years. We get turned on by talking about our encounters with each other and then really go at it. Why go out and cheat on your spouse and worry about getting caught when you can Swing and have sex with others, then turn each other on by talking about it. You must be in a very secure, trusting and open marriage to be able to Swing. It's not for everyone and not for someone trying to keep a relationship from breaking up. We meet another couple and have become great friends. We do family activities with the kids and then have adult nights when we------well you know, have great adult fun. Her and I go shopping together and are good friends, he and my husband hang out and ride motorcycles. In summary it works for us!

Bryan D. P., I wonder why you say "no other guy?" are you fearful that she will leave you for a better lover with a bigger dick? I think that for most women the sex and cock size is a minor issue, she my enjoy the physical part of another guy.. but she will likely love you more for letting her be with another guy, she will admire you for having the courage to let her be with another guy.. if you forbid this, it can only backfire and cause her to sneek a fuck with a guy and risk going off with a less "protective" (i.e. controlling) man....