Comments on: Sex Poll: Would You Consider Swinging or Threesomes? http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/ Love & Sex. Videos, Tips & Advice from Ask Dan & Jennifer Sun, 31 May 2009 18:06:15 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Lorraine http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-2/#comment-35889 Lorraine Wed, 12 Mar 2008 01:44:27 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-35889 Since my last post in July my husband and my relationship with our great friends has went from friends and swings to Polyamory lovers. He is like a second husband and she is another wife to my husband. We just happen to live in separate homes. I can't image not having this type of relationship now that I have been in it. You should know that Polyamory does not have to involve sex. It can just be emotional support. Since my last post in July my husband and my relationship with our great friends has went from friends and swings to Polyamory lovers. He is like a second husband and she is another wife to my husband. We just happen to live in separate homes. I can’t image not having this type of relationship now that I have been in it. You should know that Polyamory does not have to involve sex. It can just be emotional support.

]]> By: marcaile http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-2/#comment-35827 marcaile Sun, 09 Mar 2008 22:11:55 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-35827 The man I've been seeing recently is poly. As his friend I support him in whatever works for him; in practice, I know eventually it will end our romantic relationship (though not the friendship, and we connect in many nonsexual ways). I see many benefits to polyamory, and I'm sure it's incomprehensible to him why I'd ever want to break up for the mere reason of meeting someone else I want to date. But.. but.. for me, at this time and place in my life, the best relationship I could have would be one I put all my available time and energy into. As I read on a polyamory website, "Love may be infinite, but available time and resources are not." Are you sure you're up to the emotional demands of two women? I asked him. I don't know, he said. Exactly. The man I’ve been seeing recently is poly. As his friend I support him in whatever works for him; in practice, I know eventually it will end our romantic relationship (though not the friendship, and we connect in many nonsexual ways).

I see many benefits to polyamory, and I’m sure it’s incomprehensible to him why I’d ever want to break up for the mere reason of meeting someone else I want to date.

But.. but.. for me, at this time and place in my life, the best relationship I could have would be one I put all my available time and energy into. As I read on a polyamory website, “Love may be infinite, but available time and resources are not.”

Are you sure you’re up to the emotional demands of two women? I asked him. I don’t know, he said.

Exactly.

]]> By: steve http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-2/#comment-31594 steve Fri, 11 Jan 2008 01:24:57 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-31594 With the right people With the right people

]]> By: Jones http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-2/#comment-27636 Jones Tue, 27 Nov 2007 01:22:12 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-27636 My wife and I have a girl friend(Columbia), we are in a ploy relationship in which we are much like family. Currenlty my wife is looking for a guy to fuck our girlfriend so Columbia can have some one on one with a man as I am currently only allowed to play with Columbia when my wife is present. I should be grateful but I get hurt think about sharing our girlfriend with another guy? Does this make me a selfish fucker and loving man? Jone... My wife and I have a girl friend(Columbia), we are in a ploy relationship in which we are much like family. Currenlty my wife is looking for a guy to fuck our girlfriend so Columbia can have some one on one with a man as I am currently only allowed to play with Columbia when my wife is present.

I should be grateful but I get hurt think about sharing our girlfriend with another guy?

Does this make me a selfish fucker and loving man?
Jone…

]]> By: Human http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-2/#comment-24441 Human Fri, 28 Sep 2007 20:41:36 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-24441 Like everyone else that is monogamous, I believe TO EACH HIS OWN, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone or is breaking the law...I can't change it and I don't hate them for it, I just wish to discuss it. However, I continue to read these facts on polyamorous, polygamist, and swinger sites that state, "people in these lifestyles are happier. They are happier together and their love is stronger because they have trust and honesty with each other." The main problem with the last part, the trust and honesty, is that they just redefine trust and honesty. With a swinging lifestyle, there is nothing to be distrustful or dishonest about. Of course there is no distrust, because it is impossible when all is allowed. If a parent said to a child, "You can have a cookie at any time as long as you tell me", and the child eats a cookie every 10 minutes, of course he will tell his mom "I WANT A COOKIE", because he will get it. This may seem like trust, but rather it is a cover for trust. There is no trust when there is nothing to be untrusting about. You can't trust somebody with your favorite toy if you don't give them the toy. Its the same thing. With sex and swingers, what are you trusting them with? What are you giving to them that you are saying, "I trust you will do the right thing?" And to the whole happiness thing. Again, of course it may seem people are happier in a swinging lifestyle, because they are indulging in all their fantasies and desired experiences. Remove those indulgences and fantasies and they will fall back into unhappiness. Further, if a spouse says, "I don't wish to be a swinger anymore", how many of those loving couples who said their relationship was strengthened, stay together and remain JUST as happy? Remove the experiences and you remove the happiness, this is how it is with all sensual indulgence. It is like this with crack addicts, all drug junkies, all aldrenaline junkies, all power-hungry fanatics...everyone. When you get what you want, you are happy. When you don't get it, you are unhappy. that is how it is. It is the simple case of Freudian psychology (which says that the way to fix problems is by gratifying one's desire and needs), which has much research done to prove that sensual and instant gratification of needs is not a lasting solution. Sure these couples may be happier, but only because they get what they want. take it away and their relationship will fall, UNLESS they go back to it at some later time. Therefore, their relationship is not based on love, as all claim, but on gratification. Like everyone else that is monogamous, I believe TO EACH HIS OWN, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone or is breaking the law…I can’t change it and I don’t hate them for it, I just wish to discuss it.
However, I continue to read these facts on polyamorous, polygamist, and swinger sites that state, “people in these lifestyles are happier. They are happier together and their love is stronger because they have trust and honesty with each other.”
The main problem with the last part, the trust and honesty, is that they just redefine trust and honesty. With a swinging lifestyle, there is nothing to be distrustful or dishonest about. Of course there is no distrust, because it is impossible when all is allowed. If a parent said to a child, “You can have a cookie at any time as long as you tell me”, and the child eats a cookie every 10 minutes, of course he will tell his mom “I WANT A COOKIE”, because he will get it. This may seem like trust, but rather it is a cover for trust. There is no trust when there is nothing to be untrusting about. You can’t trust somebody with your favorite toy if you don’t give them the toy. Its the same thing. With sex and swingers, what are you trusting them with? What are you giving to them that you are saying, “I trust you will do the right thing?”
And to the whole happiness thing. Again, of course it may seem people are happier in a swinging lifestyle, because they are indulging in all their fantasies and desired experiences. Remove those indulgences and fantasies and they will fall back into unhappiness. Further, if a spouse says, “I don’t wish to be a swinger anymore”, how many of those loving couples who said their relationship was strengthened, stay together and remain JUST as happy? Remove the experiences and you remove the happiness, this is how it is with all sensual indulgence. It is like this with crack addicts, all drug junkies, all aldrenaline junkies, all power-hungry fanatics…everyone. When you get what you want, you are happy. When you don’t get it, you are unhappy. that is how it is. It is the simple case of Freudian psychology (which says that the way to fix problems is by gratifying one’s desire and needs), which has much research done to prove that sensual and instant gratification of needs is not a lasting solution. Sure these couples may be happier, but only because they get what they want. take it away and their relationship will fall, UNLESS they go back to it at some later time. Therefore, their relationship is not based on love, as all claim, but on gratification.

]]> By: Dan http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-2/#comment-24168 Dan Wed, 05 Sep 2007 00:09:48 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-24168 I'm totally amazed at the misinformation people use to attempt to persuade others of their misbehavior. Calling polyamory or swinging cheating is misusing the word and defining the word as something that the word doesn't represent except in the minds of those who might accept any meaning even though totally incorrect. Someone stated that these behaviors contributed to increase of STD's. As a professional medical trained individual, the increase is nowhere increased by these activities. The statistics show that swingers have a lower rate of STD's than the general population because they take a high interest in preventing STD's within the lifestyle. Protection is usually provided at most all functions. If you don't believe me check the national figures on rate of STD's in swingers vs. the general population. A person who involves them self in swinging must not have a relationship problem as this will do nothing to help them any more than couples who have3 a child hoping the child will help their relationship. I'll repeat again "A person has a right to their own opinion but not a right to their own facts." Now to polyamory; with over 50% of marriages breaking up from real cheating, growing separate, not really being in love at the beginning, and any numerous other reasons, polyamory has become a viable alternate. Yes, to the person who stated they had never seen a poly relationship work, you haven't been looking very hard. There are triads, groups and couples with LDRs all over the country. Because society, as a rule, can't deal with persons who don't behave as they are expected to behave, most "don't shout it from the front steps." Society has just begun to accept homosexuality as maybe not really being a choice. Recent research in genetics and hormonal influence during gestation of the human has proven this to be a very likely cause of any gender difference, or degree of difference. My lover and I are in a poly relationship that has been active for more than ten years. Yes, at first I had some issues to deal with but as I learned to know the other gentleman I realized that he was just as loving, respectful and kind to my lover as I. He just filled an area of her life that I was unable to fill. I now spend time helping her get ready to visit him and we three have spent time together. He has no agenda as to splitting us up and if he lived closer perhaps he could spend more time with her. My lover, wife, and I have a loving relationship going on thirty plus years. Our belief is that each of us has the right to leave if desired so we, each, work on making the relationship strong and loving. Perhaps some could not do this but I maintain this relationship is so much better than serial monogamy, constant fear of being left, anger and hate of a divorce, pain to the children of these relationships, and many other situations that I see no comparison to our polyamory with monogamy. I repeat "One has a right to their opinions but not a right to their own facts." I’m totally amazed at the misinformation people use to attempt to persuade others of their misbehavior. Calling polyamory or swinging cheating is misusing the word and defining the word as something that the word doesn’t represent except in the minds of those who might accept any meaning even though totally incorrect. Someone stated that these behaviors contributed to increase of STD’s. As a professional medical trained individual,
the increase is nowhere increased by these activities. The statistics show that swingers have a lower rate of STD’s than the general population because they take a high interest in preventing STD’s within the lifestyle. Protection is usually provided at most all functions. If you don’t believe me check the national figures on rate of STD’s in swingers vs. the general population. A person who involves them self in swinging must not have a relationship problem as this will do nothing to help them any more than couples who have3 a child hoping the child will help their relationship.
I’ll repeat again “A person has a right to their own opinion but not a right to their own facts.”
Now to polyamory; with over 50% of marriages breaking up from real cheating, growing separate, not really being in love at the beginning, and any numerous other reasons, polyamory has become a viable alternate. Yes, to the person who stated they had never seen a poly relationship work, you haven’t been looking very hard. There are triads, groups and couples with LDRs all over the country. Because society, as a rule, can’t deal with persons who don’t behave as they are expected to behave, most “don’t shout it from the front steps.” Society has just begun to accept homosexuality as maybe not really being a choice. Recent research in genetics and hormonal influence during gestation of the human has proven this to be a very likely cause of any gender difference, or degree of difference.
My lover and I are in a poly relationship that has been active for more than ten years. Yes, at first I had some issues to deal with but as I learned to know the other gentleman I realized that he was just as loving, respectful and kind to my lover as I. He just filled an area of her life that I was unable to fill. I now spend time helping her get ready to visit him and we three have spent time together. He has no agenda as to splitting us up and if he lived closer perhaps he could spend more time with her. My lover, wife, and I have a loving relationship going on thirty plus years.
Our belief is that each of us has the right to leave if desired so we, each, work on making the relationship strong and loving.
Perhaps some could not do this but I maintain this relationship is so much better than serial monogamy, constant fear of being left, anger and hate of a divorce, pain to the children of these relationships, and many other situations that I see no comparison to our polyamory with monogamy.
I repeat “One has a right to their opinions but not a right to their own facts.”

]]> By: Dan and Jennifer http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-2/#comment-22988 Dan and Jennifer Fri, 27 Jul 2007 13:53:17 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-22988 Thanks to everyone for the really great discussion on this topic. We just want to place an emphasis on what JC said. The swinger lifestyle IS NOT a patch for a broken relationship but it can make an already strong relationship even better. To make an open sexual relationship work, there has to be complete trust in the relationship already. There's absolutely no room for jealousy and ownership. One other thing, as an individual - NEVER, ever, get into this kind of relationship for your partner. If you're going to swing, do it for one reason and one reason only - because YOU want to. Thanks to everyone for the really great discussion on this topic.

We just want to place an emphasis on what JC said. The swinger lifestyle IS NOT a patch for a broken relationship but it can make an already strong relationship even better.

To make an open sexual relationship work, there has to be complete trust in the relationship already. There’s absolutely no room for jealousy and ownership.

One other thing, as an individual – NEVER, ever, get into this kind of relationship for your partner. If you’re going to swing, do it for one reason and one reason only – because YOU want to.

]]> By: JC http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-2/#comment-22969 JC Fri, 27 Jul 2007 03:50:32 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-22969 Bryan: Of course you are into her bring a female friend into bed with you two. What red blooded American or foreign man for that matter wouldn't be. Sex is an animal instinct, and humans are one of the few creatures that do it for pleasure. Swinging is about sex and pleasure not love. However swinging is not a way to repair a broken relationship. You must already be deeply in love and completely trust your spouse or you will only cause more problems. I have known couples who got into it for that reason and it only ended badly, most of the time in a bitter divorce. I would suggest counseling before swinging. Bryan:
Of course you are into her bring a female friend into bed with you two. What red blooded American or foreign man for that matter wouldn’t be.
Sex is an animal instinct, and humans are one of the few creatures that do it for pleasure. Swinging is about sex and pleasure not love. However swinging is not a way to repair a broken relationship. You must already be deeply in love and completely trust your spouse or you will only cause more problems. I have known couples who got into it for that reason and it only ended badly, most of the time in a bitter divorce. I would suggest counseling before swinging.

]]> By: Lorraine http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-2/#comment-22952 Lorraine Thu, 26 Jul 2007 18:34:57 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-22952 My husband and I have been happily married for 23 years. We have been Swinging for 2 years now. It has been great, we have made some nice friends. We have our rules set and both follow then, safe sex always and only married couples. Our sex life between us has not been this hot for years. We get turned on by talking about our encounters with each other and then really go at it. Why go out and cheat on your spouse and worry about getting caught when you can Swing and have sex with others, then turn each other on by talking about it. You must be in a very secure, trusting and open marriage to be able to Swing. It's not for everyone and not for someone trying to keep a relationship from breaking up. We meet another couple and have become great friends. We do family activities with the kids and then have adult nights when we------well you know, have great adult fun. Her and I go shopping together and are good friends, he and my husband hang out and ride motorcycles. In summary it works for us! My husband and I have been happily married for 23 years. We have been Swinging for 2 years now. It has been great, we have made some nice friends. We have our rules set and both follow then, safe sex always and only married couples. Our sex life between us has not been this hot for years. We get turned on by talking about our encounters with each other and then really go at it. Why go out and cheat on your spouse and worry about getting caught when you can Swing and have sex with others, then turn each other on by talking about it. You must be in a very secure, trusting and open marriage to be able to Swing. It’s not for everyone and not for someone trying to keep a relationship from breaking up. We meet another couple and have become great friends. We do family activities with the kids and then have adult nights when we——well you know, have great adult fun. Her and I go shopping together and are good friends, he and my husband hang out and ride motorcycles. In summary it works for us!

]]> By: Al Swinger http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-2/#comment-22893 Al Swinger Wed, 25 Jul 2007 17:51:46 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-22893 Bryan D. P., I wonder why you say "no other guy?" are you fearful that she will leave you for a better lover with a bigger dick? I think that for most women the sex and cock size is a minor issue, she my enjoy the physical part of another guy.. but she will likely love you more for letting her be with another guy, she will admire you for having the courage to let her be with another guy.. if you forbid this, it can only backfire and cause her to sneek a fuck with a guy and risk going off with a less "protective" (i.e. controlling) man.... Bryan D. P., I wonder why you say “no other guy?” are you fearful that she will leave you for a better lover with a bigger dick? I think that for most women the sex and cock size is a minor issue, she my enjoy the physical part of another guy.. but she will likely love you more for letting her be with another guy, she will admire you for having the courage to let her be with another guy.. if you forbid this, it can only backfire and cause her to sneek a fuck with a guy and risk going off with a less “protective” (i.e. controlling) man….

]]> By: Al Swinger http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-2/#comment-22892 Al Swinger Wed, 25 Jul 2007 17:47:09 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-22892 Life is short and I would like to experience everything. I would like to watch my wife with another man (mostly for deep dark pathological reasons having to do with my childhood). I would like to watch my wife with another woman, mostly because she has always wanted to be with another woman, but never had the courage to admit it until after she was out of college (missed that boat). I would like to be with my wife and another woman, just hoping for a good blow job like I was able to get from other women. Why should sleeping around stop after one is married? My wife was a slut before we were married... might be nice to get her to feel young again. She's all for it.. but wants the perfect cock... yikes that will take forever.... lol... Life is short and I would like to experience everything. I would like to watch my wife with another man (mostly for deep dark pathological reasons having to do with my childhood). I would like to watch my wife with another woman, mostly because she has always wanted to be with another woman, but never had the courage to admit it until after she was out of college (missed that boat). I would like to be with my wife and another woman, just hoping for a good blow job like I was able to get from other women. Why should sleeping around stop after one is married? My wife was a slut before we were married… might be nice to get her to feel young again. She’s all for it.. but wants the perfect cock… yikes that will take forever…. lol…

]]> By: Jenny http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-2/#comment-21153 Jenny Sun, 10 Jun 2007 01:21:14 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-21153 Bryan, If you subscribe to the yahoo group "polyfamilies" you can get advice and support from over a thousand poly people, many of whom have been in your exact situation at some time in the past. An email group will also allow for a longer, more detailed discussion than a comments forum like this. Best wishes for your journey! Jenny Bryan,

If you subscribe to the yahoo group “polyfamilies” you can get advice and support from over a thousand poly people, many of whom have been in your exact situation at some time in the past.

An email group will also allow for a longer, more detailed discussion than a comments forum like this.

Best wishes for your journey!

Jenny

]]> By: moonwolf http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-2/#comment-9708 moonwolf Fri, 18 May 2007 02:54:07 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-9708 I have no problem with whatever goes on between consenting adults! However, it's monogamy, not monogomy. I have no problem with whatever goes on between consenting adults!
However, it’s monogamy, not monogomy.

]]> By: Bryan D.P. http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-2/#comment-8891 Bryan D.P. Thu, 10 May 2007 07:02:55 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-8891 Tammy, thanks for the comments about my post. i just really wanted to see what comes up when i put my situation out there for someone else to decipher. as of yet we have talked in depth about the situation as far as who can do what to whom and all that sort of thing, it was not easy but i was able to get the questions out. i felt embarrased even though im married to her. anyhow thanks again for the confirmation on my thoughts as of recently, you pretty much said what i was thinking. i guess if anyone is still interested ill post about how it goes, i dunno if it would get off the subject of the forum too much. =) Tammy, thanks for the comments about my post. i just really wanted to see what comes up when i put my situation out there for someone else to decipher. as of yet we have talked in depth about the situation as far as who can do what to whom and all that sort of thing, it was not easy but i was able to get the questions out. i felt embarrased even though im married to her. anyhow thanks again for the confirmation on my thoughts as of recently, you pretty much said what i was thinking. i guess if anyone is still interested ill post about how it goes, i dunno if it would get off the subject of the forum too much. =)

]]> By: Tammy http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-2/#comment-8293 Tammy Tue, 08 May 2007 13:45:22 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-8293 Brian... TALK to her. Talk til you're both sick of talking and then talk some more. But be sure it's honest and blunt. A change like this in your relationship could help but it WILL hurt if you're both not 110% open, honest and blunt about what you want/need/expect/can't deal with. IMHO she's already put you in a precarious position by cheating. The fact that you're willing to give what she wants a try is commendable to you, but if you're not comfortable with it and/or the "rules" aren't 2000% clear to both of you, someone will cross a line they didn't think existed and it WILL be a problem. Good luck! Brian… TALK to her. Talk til you’re both sick of talking and then talk some more. But be sure it’s honest and blunt. A change like this in your relationship could help but it WILL hurt if you’re both not 110% open, honest and blunt about what you want/need/expect/can’t deal with. IMHO she’s already put you in a precarious position by cheating. The fact that you’re willing to give what she wants a try is commendable to you, but if you’re not comfortable with it and/or the “rules” aren’t 2000% clear to both of you, someone will cross a line they didn’t think existed and it WILL be a problem. Good luck!

]]> By: Bryan D. P. http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-2/#comment-8125 Bryan D. P. Tue, 08 May 2007 05:41:00 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-8125 My wife and I are falling apart. She went out and fooled around with some other guy. I wasnt sure to make of it. at first I was just pissed off, but then I wondered if she is just curious (after all when we got married I was the only man she had ever been with)so i asked her, and come to find out... I was right, she is now talking with me about bringing in a friend of hers(female)and really im kinda into it and excited, but I dont know what the effects might be in the future. I mean, I dont want her to be having sex with ANYONE if im not there, although if I were there id be ok. And im not really liking the idea of another guy, so for now its just women. i mean i dont want to be a hypocrit but, its not like it was my idea in the first place. i didnt really condone this sort of behavior in the first place, but if thats what she wants then ill be a willing participant, afterall ive fanticised about threesomes like that before. who knows maybe ill like it alot and we can just do it a few times to get off an itch or something. hopefully she doesnt decide that she wants something else that is beyond what she can have while being with me. hopefully she just comes out of this and we have some wonderful, exciting, and erotic memories to share later on. id really like some feedback on this post, kinda lost on what to think and do. i want to salvage our worn out relationship, there are other variables to this story and ill be happy to explain to anyone who wants to know that posts. im in the situation and not sure wich way to "swing" Basically, I hope to save my relationship by having wild sex with my wife and her friend... a little advice is most certainly welcome. oh and sorry about the rambling My wife and I are falling apart. She went out and fooled around with some other guy. I wasnt sure to make of it. at first I was just pissed off, but then I wondered if she is just curious (after all when we got married I was the only man she had ever been with)so i asked her, and come to find out… I was right, she is now talking with me about bringing in a friend of hers(female)and really im kinda into it and excited, but I dont know what the effects might be in the future. I mean, I dont want her to be having sex with ANYONE if im not there, although if I were there id be ok. And im not really liking the idea of another guy, so for now its just women. i mean i dont want to be a hypocrit but, its not like it was my idea in the first place. i didnt really condone this sort of behavior in the first place, but if thats what she wants then ill be a willing participant, afterall ive fanticised about threesomes like that before. who knows maybe ill like it alot and we can just do it a few times to get off an itch or something. hopefully she doesnt decide that she wants something else that is beyond what she can have while being with me. hopefully she just comes out of this and we have some wonderful, exciting, and erotic memories to share later on. id really like some feedback on this post, kinda lost on what to think and do. i want to salvage our worn out relationship, there are other variables to this story and ill be happy to explain to anyone who wants to know that posts. im in the situation and not sure wich way to “swing” Basically, I hope to save my relationship by having wild sex with my wife and her friend… a little advice is most certainly welcome. oh and sorry about the rambling

]]> By: Jay Ananga http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-1/#comment-7707 Jay Ananga Fri, 04 May 2007 03:14:08 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-7707 Dear Tammy, Thanks a lot. I share your understanding. You have nice thoughts for the future of poly. I have unlimited questions in my mind when it comes to individual's feelings and desires in respect of love and sex that have so much influence on his/her life beyond the legal, social, moral and religious aspects of his/her married/living partner. Only a counseling help is not enough to a man or woman who suffers so much from lovesickness being unattended for no fault of his/her own or that of his/her partner. Should poly look for the reality of the need for one's human love beyond others' control? Who will free the human love from the human slavery? The freedom of love and morality should find a balance in the human society. And there should be a better alternative to "men's secret visit to prostitutes." Thanks to women, who are generally not so much sick or crazy when sex-starved, as the men are, possibly, because of the nature's systems for self-cleaning and automatic eco-balancing. Best regards, Jay Dear Tammy,
Thanks a lot. I share your understanding. You have nice thoughts for the future of poly. I have unlimited questions in my mind when it comes to individual’s feelings and desires in respect of love and sex that have so much influence on his/her life beyond the legal, social, moral and religious aspects of his/her married/living partner. Only a counseling help is not enough to a man or woman who suffers so much from lovesickness being unattended for no fault of his/her own or that of his/her partner.
Should poly look for the reality of the need for one’s human love beyond others’ control? Who will free the human love from the human slavery? The freedom of love and morality should find a balance in the human society.
And there should be a better alternative to “men’s secret visit to prostitutes.” Thanks to women, who are generally not so much sick or crazy when sex-starved, as the men are, possibly, because of the nature’s systems for self-cleaning and automatic eco-balancing.
Best regards,
Jay

]]> By: Tammy http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-1/#comment-7699 Tammy Thu, 03 May 2007 14:29:53 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-7699 Jay, 1) nothing is assured because people change. They may take a poly definition of marriage... they may go with a mono marriage. It's up to them and their partner(s) to figure out what's best. 2)I guess that's up to the individuals involved. I would never consider any withheld information in a positive light. I would want to know if a potential partner had a legal marriage and know that that partner was ok with poly aspects of the relationship. It is possible to be a mono partner of a poly partner.. it's really difficult I'm sure. But as the "single" person, when I came into my now triad, the first thing I needed was to hear from my bf's wife (directly from her) that she was totally ok with my relationship with her husband. 3) Not sure I understand the question. Sorry. Legally I have no rights in our triad. There are legal documents that can help and we will be looking into drawing up such things in the not-so-distant future. Jay,
1) nothing is assured because people change. They may take a poly definition of marriage… they may go with a mono marriage. It’s up to them and their partner(s) to figure out what’s best.

2)I guess that’s up to the individuals involved. I would never consider any withheld information in a positive light. I would want to know if a potential partner had a legal marriage and know that that partner was ok with poly aspects of the relationship. It is possible to be a mono partner of a poly partner.. it’s really difficult I’m sure. But as the “single” person, when I came into my now triad, the first thing I needed was to hear from my bf’s wife (directly from her) that she was totally ok with my relationship with her husband.

3) Not sure I understand the question. Sorry. Legally I have no rights in our triad. There are legal documents that can help and we will be looking into drawing up such things in the not-so-distant future.

]]> By: Jay Ananga http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-1/#comment-7686 Jay Ananga Thu, 03 May 2007 06:15:22 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-7686 Dear Tammy, Many thanks for your suggestion to my question about ploy love and sex which is very clear, it meant that all poly people must be fair in love, sex and relationship by involving his/her married/living partner through activity or consent. I think this is the basis of the reason for developing poly idea in the society. Still I have three follow-up questions: (1) When a single man or woman mixes with poly people and have sex, does it ensures that those single people will take only a polyamorous person when they want to get married? (2) The other question is: When an unknown man or woman wants to meet poly people (a group of both sexs or individual of opposite sex) and practice polyamory that may lead to sex, is there any rule or need to know whether that unknown person has any spouse or partner (with sexual relationship) outside poly society? (3)When state legislations, religious marriage and sex rules, social laws, tribal traditions, etc, maintain a balance between man and woman in love, sex, marriage and relationship, what significant role is played by the followers of polyamory? Best regards, Jay Dear Tammy,

Many thanks for your suggestion to my question about ploy love and sex which is very clear, it meant that all poly people must be fair in love, sex and relationship by involving his/her married/living partner through activity or consent.

I think this is the basis of the reason for developing poly idea in the society. Still I have three follow-up questions:

(1) When a single man or woman mixes with poly people and have sex, does it ensures that those single people will take only a polyamorous person when they want to get married?
(2) The other question is: When an unknown man or woman wants to meet poly people (a group of both sexs or individual of opposite sex) and practice polyamory that may lead to sex, is there any rule or need to know whether that unknown person has any spouse or partner (with sexual relationship) outside poly society?
(3)When state legislations, religious marriage and sex rules, social laws, tribal traditions, etc, maintain a balance between man and woman in love, sex, marriage and relationship, what significant role is played by the followers of polyamory?

Best regards,
Jay

]]> By: LadyKelien http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/swingers-threesome/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/comment-page-1/#comment-7671 LadyKelien Thu, 03 May 2007 02:52:08 +0000 http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-and-intimacy/sex-poll-would-you-consider-swinging-or-polyamory/#comment-7671 My husband and I have done the swinging thing and the poly thing. I prefer Poly to swinging. The problem for me with swinging is that Im an adult survivor of child sexual abuse and Im never quite sure when a situation is going to cause me to have a flash back or panic attack. Some men who I have great conversations with and can flirt with just fine freak me out when it goes beyond flirting. I consider myself bi so other women don't bother me. That route with swinging has no emotional issues attached to it. But, it tends to turn into poly relationships because I become attached to the woman as a friend and my husband becomes attached to them as another partner and as long as the balance can be maintained then its wonderful but when its over it can be the most heart wrenching thing in the world because you don't just lose someone your having fun with to keep things spicy in your own relationship but you lose a friend and a partner. It took us two years to recover. I can say we have managed to stay married but we both hesitate to go there again. There is only one person I would ever consider trying it again with and for now she lives a thousand miles away. But one day she wont and Ill try it again. There is nothing wrong with the lifestyle and it can be fun. You just have to be able to let go when its time and know when you shouldn't take it beyond just some fun stuff you do every now and again. My husband and I have done the swinging thing and the poly thing. I prefer Poly to swinging. The problem for me with swinging is that Im an adult survivor of child sexual abuse and Im never quite sure when a situation is going to cause me to have a flash back or panic attack. Some men who I have great conversations with and can flirt with just fine freak me out when it goes beyond flirting. I consider myself bi so other women don’t bother me. That route with swinging has no emotional issues attached to it. But, it tends to turn into poly relationships because I become attached to the woman as a friend and my husband becomes attached to them as another partner and as long as the balance can be maintained then its wonderful but when its over it can be the most heart wrenching thing in the world because you don’t just lose someone your having fun with to keep things spicy in your own relationship but you lose a friend and a partner. It took us two years to recover. I can say we have managed to stay married but we both hesitate to go there again. There is only one person I would ever consider trying it again with and for now she lives a thousand miles away. But one day she wont and Ill try it again. There is nothing wrong with the lifestyle and it can be fun. You just have to be able to let go when its time and know when you shouldn’t take it beyond just some fun stuff you do every now and again.

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