Ah, the magical dance of flirting and seduction. “Does she like me?” “Will he go out with me?”

And for the swinger crowd… “They’re hot! Do you think they like us that way? Let’s ask them out.”

The same age old question repeats itself over and over again. And the world round, young men, young ladies, and couples, repeat the same mistake – they walk up to this person or couple they’re infatuated with and ask their question. “Will you go out with me“?

STOP! Don’t do it! That question has ended more relationships (before they even started) than perhaps any other factor in the history of mankind. That question forces the other person (or couple) into a corner, and makes them pick a yes or no choice, without knowing much of anything about you. Your odds are bleak to none.

Instead, get to know this person or this couple in a casual and non-threatening way. Give them a chance to get to like you. Attraction is a very complex set of feelings, emotions, urges, desires.

But how do you escape the swamp lands of the “friend zone“?

This is where subtle flirting and seduction comes in. Make the other person or couple feel your interest and desire instead of telling them about it. And here’s a magical fun fact: if they feel the same way, you’ll just know. You’ll FEEL it in the sparks that are flying around you, in the highly charged atmosphere, in the frequent casual touching, the unusual proximity, etc.

Enjoy the dance.

The danger of course, is if you’re wrong, you risk losing your friends. They may get freaked out and run away. Or they may just think it was cute or even flattering. But you won’t know unless you try.

So HOW can you tell if they like you in that way and want to play?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband and I recently became friends with a couple our age and we have a really great time together. It’s just that lately there has seemed to be this unusual tension. Through comments here and there and an occasional look, we thing they want to swing. How should I go about finding out if this couple wants to swing with us? We really like them and don’t want to lose them as friends but they’re really hot too and it’s hard to resist.

Please help! I’m tormented thinking about it.

– Ellen in Mississippi