Are You a Stalker?

10 Responses to “Are You a Stalker?”

1. katelynn on November 9th, 2007 3:54 pm

   I met a guy online last summer. We never actually met in person, mostly because of his stalking. At first it was ok, he was nice and I eventually gave him my phone number. Then he started asking questions like “do you like me?” “how much do you like me?” He’d text message me at like 4 am, while I was sleeping, and then keep texting asking why I wasn’t responding. Then he’d text me all day at work, and got mad that I wasn’t responding quickly. Hello!? I am working! Then finally one day he said “Where you live, is it called ?” At that point I was a little scared. He lives 35 miles away and claimed to not know the area I lived in very well. I’m also unlisted, and had never given him my full name. It could have just been a stab in the dark, but it freaked me out. And I thank God it’s a gated community with additional security on each building. It’s been over a year now, and I will still get emails and IM’s every now and then from him…always asking why we never talk anymore. I’d know honesty is best, and everyone deserves an explanation, I just don’t want to ever talk to him again. Who knows what it may turn into.

2. Ernst B. on November 9th, 2007 9:08 pm

   I have always had this policy - if I do not get a return call after I leave 3 messages, I stop calling that person. But on one occasion, a girl called me after I had given up and berated me because I stopped calling her!

3. Melanie on November 12th, 2007 7:22 pm

   there is this guy where i work, he has a girlfriend, but my best friend gave him my number without asking me, he was interesting, but then he kept and kept calling me, about 20 times a night, i told him that i wasn’t with my cell phone, my sister had to borrow it, but then i confronted my best friend, asking why he would do something like that, then he said that the guy was interested in me and we were already talking and stuff, so i talked to the guy about it and why he said it, he just wouldnt leave me alone, so i had to block his number, and told him to leave me alone. he eventually did.

4. Chincia on November 17th, 2007 9:30 pm

   Ohhh i feel so ….unhealthy. I am in my early fourties and recently my boyfriend of 5 months ended it. We had an amazing connection, both felt that way but when he would retreat and go into ignore mode it triggered my worst side. I would get panicked and leave too many stupid messages. He lives a few hours away and it did not occur to me that a man in his 50’s would not talk with me ever again. I had truly been a good friend and confidant. I texted,emailed and called only to get a very terse Stop it email. DUH…he doesn’t want anything to do with me despite my good intenions or positive points…period. I can’t beleive I slipped into a ’stalker” mode, the worst thing I can imagaine. I am a strong believer in respecting someones boundries and space etc…and I just jumped over all of those values because I was hurt. I am still hurt and confused but will not continue to attempt friendly or any type of communication with him. I am really embarassed and glad now we don’t live in same town. Just before the breakup two weeks ago he had called me 4 or 5 times a day and I thought if I let him know how much I still cared for him it would allow at least a friendship. I should of recognised the obvious, I still am sad and missing him but in private. Thanks for some Obvious insight that someone as perceptive as myself just didn’t see.

5. grace on November 18th, 2007 7:51 pm

   oh you are being so hard on yourself. Once I had a taste of hitting my late twenties and felt old. I stalked this guy into getting a sexual harassment letter. I too am generally perceptive but not that time, I felt that if I couldn’t sleep with this one particular man my youth was over.
   Soon I forgot entirely that he was a person and I treated him like a goal. I was very frustrated that I couldn’t have him which made me try a little harder. I wrote letters called for 6 months I am so surprised he never got a restraining order! Don’t feel bad look when you think that you totally went over the line someone else has done worse. Remember that astronaut in the diapers now thats stalking. I feel that you were just not getting any clear messages.
   I still never got that guy it pissed me off. Now I find that ignoring that special someone I want works wonders.

6. Me! on November 22nd, 2007 1:03 am

   I must admit, I’m afraid I’m guilty also. My whole life, I was the one who was persistently and annoyingly pursued by men who were NOT my type, or even a bit creepy. Never took much to creep me out, that’s for sure. But then I became obsessed with this one guy who I had to have. We were friends for a while and it was about to lead into something good, but then we had an argument and he stopped speaking to me. I thought this was just a simple disagreement and that I could just charm or coax him into talking to me again, but it turned out I was wrong. Apparently what he once thought was amusing and interesting, he now found annoying and yes, stalkerish, because I would not get the hint. I know I made myself look bad and as a result, he got the wrong idea about me. So embarrassing. I know I can’t blame him, but it just sucks that there was no way to rectify the situation. Every attempt to make the situation better just seemed to make me look worse. He finally told my friend that I better stop, “or else.” I was humiliated. He never did give me an explanation or tell me to my face to leave him alone. If he had, I absolutely never would have continued on like I did. This whole situation still troubles me, but it feels nice to be able to confess it on here. Everyone does something a little “stalkerish” now and then. It’s not always the creepy weird guy with no friends or the introverted girl with emotional problems.

7. judy on December 19th, 2007 9:10 pm

   ughh…i have a story too! Missunderstandings happen. I met this guy one night. He was a freind of a friend, and we all ended up hanging out, having drinks, enjoying ourselves. Apparently, we both hung out at the same bar and that was a common thread for us. Towards the end of the night, it was clear that we had a connection and we agreed to hang out again. That’s when things went downhill–I would go out, either alone or with my friends, to the place where we both happened to hang out and(sometimes accidently, although i admitt not always) run into him. I thought he liked me, his friends liked me and started calling me his girlfriend. Then a week would go by without me seeing him…then a week and a half…finally i started asking questions. Then I ran into him(on purpose,I admitt) and he was being really weird, so I was like,”@*#& him”. He got mad that I payed no attention to him! Then a few months later I found out that he was telling people I was pushy, aggressive and–worstly–always seemed to “show up” whenever he went out with his freinds! Even though it was a mutual hang out spot and we knew the same people! Basically, he started avoiding me. I was very hurt, but more embarrassed than anything. Sometimes people dont give clear signals about whats going on and when you dont get it, thats what causes you to look like a stalker even if you aren’t. If he had told me there was nothing there in the beggining, maybe I wouldnt have been considered being”pushy”….and sometimes somebody doesnt want to see/ hear from you and when they do it’s such an annoyance that they consider it stalking even when it’s really not. This was seven years ago.To this day,I’m still embarassed when I see his friends and now am so aloof when I like a guy that they chase me even more.

8. Shelly on December 21st, 2007 9:35 pm

   OMG I am currently in the exact sistuation as most of you all have been in but, mostly “ME”the 4th story down. The only difference is that the guy that I am hooked on to is a friends with the guy who likes me, but I don’t like him back. At the begging the guy that I like told me he does not want a relationship and he wants to respect his friend, but I kept getting mixed messages. The last time I hung out with him I made a total fool of myself. 2weeks later sent a crazy drunken message and never returned my text messages. So I decided I would cool it for a while. I didn’t talk to him for 3 months and nothing. I sent another text messag saying” hey long time no talk, would you like to go get a masage with me” no response. Now I’m so lost on what to do. Normally I would say forget you and move on, but its been over a year and I am craving him even more.

9. Stalker on January 23rd, 2008 4:08 pm

   It is so painful to be a stalker also. You feel good feelings and want to develop them, but inadvertently are huting your beloved. PAIN! Stalkers are people, too. Perhaps, they seek far more psychological or psychiatric help than even victims - victims are at least sane, maybe annoyed of frightened a little. It is pure pain to be attached and realize NO NO NO - you will not be with her/him. WHY on Earth do they refuse to expalin why they do not want us? WHY? WHY? I NEED an answer. Say it or do not say anything at all!

10. Nigel on February 24th, 2008 1:06 am

    wow, I’m in a very similar position. At course i met a girl and we made a huge connection, after playing a guessing game she even researched my name with the clues i gave her and she told me it the next day. months would pass and i would rarely speak to her, but when i did there was always a laugh and we parted ways happily. after knowing her for 7 months she eventually gave me her number. but warned me not to take it personally if she didn’t txt back. I sent her a txt asking her to a movie and no reply. then i found out she had a boyfriend and left it for a while. when she broke up with him i told her i liked her and she smiled and said she would come and see me. It was love at first sight for me and when she didn’t come around even when she said she would i wrote her a letter and told her how i felt…. She rejected me in the most annoying way, told me she really liked me but she has to focus on her career… she continually gave me impressions that she still liked me in person but would refuse to txt back or tell me whats up. months went by with me getting more and more miserable and txting her my misery. I stalked her big time and the last txt she sent me she said cops. Now in a few days i have to go back to course and deal with the humilation of seeing her everyday, and knowing it’ll never happen.