I can tell you this, it’s difficult to determine if a person is a narcissist very quickly because they initially are very intent on your perceiving them with the same allure that they perceive themselves. They will not want to show their true colors until they have a commitment. They tend to stay in pursuit mode, which means they want you to see them as wonderful as they see themselves and will go to great lengths to prove it.  That can be difficult for a romanticist to resist. 

They will send you roses, buy you gifts, go out of their way to help you, do nice things for you and say nice things about you to you and to others.  Of course, the guy that you want will do and say similar things, as well, so it can be hard to separate the froth from the cream.

Here are some hints that you may be dating a narcissist:

1. They spend the better part of most conversations talking about themselves.
2. They are more concerned with what you think of them than how you feel.
3. They cannot explain past relationship difficulties without blaming the other person or circumstances, and can’t describe their part in the problems.
4. They respond to your complaints by telling you that they love you, and how beautiful (attractive) you are.
5. When they get upset with you they are upset because you didn’t consider their feelings, but dismiss your feelings entirely.
6. They have a pattern of behaving in thoughtless ways in regard to your needs (forgetting what you asked them to do, not asking you if you want a drink when they get up for one, not offering to repay you if you have paid for something for them)
7. Responding to your feelings by becoming loving, affectionate and sexual with you to calm you down and divert attention from your feelings.
8. Their behavior indicates that their wishes should take precedence over anything anyone else wants, they don’t back down, but escalate their attempts to get you to do what they want, in spite of your feelings.

If you figure out that you are dating a narcissist the best thing you can do for yourself is to break up with them.  Now, I know your heart will tell you all the great things about them that you adore.  But being in a relationship with a narcissist is an extremely painful and lonely experience because, to a narcissist, you don’t really exist.  If you love a narcissist the best gift you can give them, and yourself, is to break up with them and suggest that they get some help to understand why someone like you would break up with someone as wonderful as they.

Read more great articles from Melody Brooke. 

Featured Author, Melody Brooke, MA, LPC, LMFT is the author of "Cycles of the Heart: A way out of the egocentrism of everyday life", speaker, workshop presenter and counselor. She is also a Certified Radix Practitioner, Right Use of Power Teacher and InterPlay Teacher. Melody’s 19 years work with individuals, couples and families has provided her with a unique approach to solving clients’ problems. 

To find out more about InterPlay and "Cycles of the Heart" go to www.melodybrooke.com.

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