Beware The Hidden Signs Of A Controlling Relationship…

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Seeing it can be tricky

Dr. Dorothy McCoy, a South Carolina psychotherapist, says controlling personalities come from all walks of life and can be tricky to spot.

"It can be quite difficult," she admits. "It depends on how good the person is at manipulating and how long they’ve been doing it. Some people are extremely good at it."

In her book The Manipulative Man, Dr. McCoy identifies some of the typical offenders as Mama’s Boys, narcissists, psychopaths, passive-aggressives and philanderers and says the terms can be applied to both sexes.

"Their actions could stem from insecurity," says Dr. McCoy. "Huge egos, narcissism could also come into play. Some people are typically not interested in other people’s emotions. They feel it’s their right to control — do what I say because that’s the right way to do it."

Controllers look for vulnerability 

Dr. McCoy says these predators usually pounce when people are vulnerable.

"People who are lonely or who have just recently left a hurtful relationship and those that do not think well of themselves are easier to manipulate because they will blind themselves," she explains. "It’s not that it’s not out there or that we don’t see it. But sometimes it’s just something that at that moment in our lives, we can’t afford to see."

Rhonda knows the drill. Bill caught her on the rebound and initially seemed to be the answer to all her dreams.

"He was funny as hell," Rhonda remembers. "That was the biggest attraction. Plus he reached out to rescue me at a time where I was in a dead-end relationship and I needed to escape. He was so helpful, in fact, that I felt a sense of obligation to him.

"But now I realize it was a certain dependency that he created."

Unbeknownst to Rhonda, Bill had actually become infatuated and stalked her before they met. He later admitted that he had carefully engineered several meetings between them she’d initially thought had been spontaneous.

Once he had ingrained himself in her life, the demands started and the dependency grew substantially — all within a few months of their initial encounter. Anytime she made plans to go somewhere without him, he caused a stir.

"I remember feeling very suffocated very early in my relationship with Bill, and I went away to Montreal alone for a weekend with a girlfriend and her husband. We were still living in separate apartments, and although I didn’t tell Bill when I’d be back, he was waiting on my doorstep when I got home.

"It got to the point where he really didn’t want me doing anything without him," Rhonda continued. "Something as innocuous as a girls’ night out exploded into a full-blown argument.

"No matter where I went, if it was without him, I got the third degree."

When it turns public 

… Continued on next page >>

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