I have bipolar disorder and I hate to see such an ugly picture illustrated here. I understand that you guys are trying to put things in perspective but many people lead very successful lives while being stricken with mental illness. I profess that I am not on any medication, but do live with a partner and many friends who would describe me as a rather level individual. One of my best weapons is constant awareness. I think that coming into the relationship from your point of view one of the most important things to keep in mind is that your perception is your reality….that includes the bipolar person, not just you. Its really difficult to deal with people who just want you to be on meds because it is more convenient for them, they really have some rotten side effects. Do you think bipolar people think mania is a good time? I for one think it sucks. At least with depression you can just go to bed and escape. But with mania, sleep doesn’t happen, there is no escape. My point with saying that your perception is your reality is this: things can get a bit skewed at times, they may seem weird, but most bipolar people I know, myself included are wrapped in symbolism in what they do, trying seeing where they are coming from and you may have a fresh perspective of dealing with situations….AND ALWAYS ALWAYS stand your ground. I say this because being manic is a very out of control feeling…and someone who stands their ground gives a feeling of a safe place.

I was googling some advice and I found this blog. I have known a guy (A) with BP for almost a year. We have had a very odd realtionship but I have stood my ground on the basis of accepting and tolerating only normal behaviour.

I have also received 2am or 4am booty calls and either 1) not responded 2) told him where to go 3) told him to get his act together and ring me at a normal time.

Many guys will ring for booty calls – the same happened tonight with someone (B) whom I have only been seeing for a month. I was very surprised and hurt as this guy seemed to really like and respect me, until he cancelled our Friday night date because “he had a cold”, then rang me at 2am Sunday “to catch up” having gone out Saturday night/Sunday a.m. with his friends and did not invite me. “B” is not bipolar…just a horny guy who doesn’t respect me as much as I had hoped.

“A” is still my friend and there is a huge affection between us, but I am aware that he is not capable at this stage of maintaining a relationship because his manic phase is not under control. When he (A) is depressed I keep his head above water, that is where is see myself as being his friend. I know that he loves me in his way and he is aware that he should not ring/SMS me for booty calls anymore. I have laid down the law on that matter and he now respects it.

As others have said, do not tolerate any behaviour that you would not accept from others. BP is a disease, not an excuse. Even during a major psychotic episode that some manics experience – they still have a conscience that tells them what is right or wrong, however their inhibition may be lost due to the mania.

I have loved “A” for some time, but realise that there are limitiations to the relationship while he is not on medication or case managed. I am there for him – you can do the same too if you really feel something strong for the other personality traits of the guy you talked about. Just look after yourself and your interests first, because you can’t help someone else if you are drowning in confusion. Goodluck, I hope it works out for you. If you would like to discuss this any more, feel free to email me: chimera at mm.st

C.

As for him coming over to show you how he shaved his pubic hair, that was just an excuse to (in his mind) turn you on. That’s ALL he wanted too, I’ll guarantee you. You may have ended up just talking that night, but that wasn’t his intention. Don’t believe that for a minute. As for him “reaching out to you” in his bank robbing comment – yeah he may be reaching out in some form, but again I think you’re reading too much into it. I think you’re so hopeful that something will come of this that you’re grasping at straws and drawing conclusions like that. I’d be totally creeped out if someone ever told me that they’d rob a bank for me.

So, you asked what you should do. You’re wasting your time with this guy. I don’t think you’ll EVER be truly happy with him. You may be happy from moment to moment but you’ll never feel secure with him, you’ll never know what the next day may bring. Why would you put yourself through that? I’m telling you, he’s not worth it. If I were you I’d distance myself from him and cut him out of my life completely. This is way bigger than his bi polar disorder, I mean come on… he’s 39 and lived with his mother until a year ago… and she still handles all of his finances! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again THIS GUY IS A TOTAL IDIOT OF HE DOESN’T HANG ONTO TO YOU! – but now I changed my mind!”

Scott, you’ve offered the most positive/nutral advice, thank you!

Sounds like you got some great advice!

Catching A Darkness definitely helps put BP in perspective, doesn’t it? I can’t get the one picture of her lying on the hospital bed out of my mind.

I think that now that you know what to expect in this relationship, you really need to follow your heart on this one. If you think you can look past all the “noise” of bipolar and see the real man underneath, then I say give it a try.

However, your second doctor made a great point. Don’t accept any behavior that you wouldn’t tolerate in a normal relationship. You might have some conflict with this guy when you push back on certain things, but that’s a lot better then keeping quiet when he oversteps your boundaries.

Finally, and this goes for any relationship, know when it’s time to call it quits, and make sure that you have a good support structure for when things get tough. (which they will, with bipolar) Remember to take care of yourself first.

Good luck,

Scott

First off, I’d like to say that I think that it is great that you feel this way about him. It takes a big heart to see through the noise and confusion of a mental illness and I applaud your courage.

So…

You wrote:

"I told him that I had to think w/my head and not my heart."

I think that you need to think with both. You sound like you are sure in your feelings for him, but do you understand the implications of getting into a relationship with him?

There’s a website I want to show you. Go to http://www.catchingadarkness.com. It is the story of a girl with bipolar disorder, as told (and pictured) by her younger brother. Catching a Darkness is probably the single best illustration of what Bipolar can be like, for both the person suffering with it and their loved ones. I’ll warn you right now, Catching a Darkness does not have a happy ending, but you will get some sense of the love that the girl’s family felt for her, and their struggles with her illness.

If you are _absolutely_ serious about continuing with this guy, here’s a suggestion. Find a therapist in your area who specializes in bipolar, and make an appointment with them. (you’ll have to pay for it) Then go in and ask them what you should expect in a relationship with a BP person. You need to go into this with as much information as you can.

And, no I’m not a professional. I’m just me.

Title: CAN YOU READ MY MIND

Do you still think of me?
Do you still care?
Do you wake up in the middle of the night wondering -
Is she thinking of me right now? – I am
When you think of me, does your heart skip a beat?
Do you want to call me, but don’t?
I miss the feel of your lips, your kiss
The roughness of your face
Do you miss me, do you miss me?
You are cantankerous, yet know your stuff
Do you want to touch me, does it ache in your heart?
If you want me, call me
If you want me, hear me
If you want me, come get me
If you want me, unguard your heart
Come for me, come for me

Scott, I miss him very much. But if he isn’t pursuing me, then there really isn’t much more that I can do but wait and see if he comes around. Any advice?

Have an awesome day!
Dan

People who are BP show very poor judgement when they are cycling into the “manic” phase. It could be that this guy was just making a booty call (one of the symptoms of the manic phase is a loss of inhibitions.)

However, it could also be that he has very strong feelings for you. There are a couple of things that you mentioned in your post that make me think he might be. The first is that he says that he is afraid of being in love with you, and the second is that he said he would “rob a bank for you.” Well, he probably would! It is very hard for people with BP to reach out to others, so if he has said these things, bizarre as they may be to you, he might be reaching out to you.

If you are truly in love with this guy, I want to help you understand what you might be getting into. Bipolar is controllable, but it is not (yet) curable. If you enter into a relationship with him, you will need to understand and accept his condition. This is not for everyone. It takes a lot of love, commitment and patience to live with someone who is BP. To be perfectly honest, it can be absolute torture, especially if the person is not responding to medication. (or if they are refusing to take medication)

Your best move might be to move on, as others have suggested. However, if you have true feelings for this guy, and you want to remain in a relationship with him, you owe it to yourself, and to him, to gain a realistic understanding of bipolar disorder and how it can affect people. I know people who are BP who are in happy marriages with children and the whole bit. It can be done, but it takes a lot of work and commitment.

Take care,

Scott

I’m looking forward to more of your straight talk style. You keep it real, and that’s definitely a good thing.

Have an awesome day!
Dan

I remember coming here a long time ago, and I never saved the RSS. I actually tried to remember the domain but couldn’t find it.. and then I remember you visited my blog, and on the mybloglog I found your name and I remembered – Dan and Jennifer!!! You’re on my RSS feed right now.

Have an awesome day!
Dan