Dating the Wrong People? Change Your Dating Ideal

Change your priorities

In Rachel’s case, she decided she had to alter her priorities if she was ever going to get the life she wanted. Unfortunately, the experiment with Ben didn’t lead to a baby shower.

"We were just too different," she says. "I still like him, and he’s a super-nice guy, but it just didn’t work." Still, she feels she’s learned something. "That I can’t make such a radical shift — it’s a bad idea. I went from rock ‘n’ roller to what I thought was geek chic. It was too different."

Her next date turned out to be no more suitable. "He was so effeminate and nerdy and totally opposite of what I like. And he turned out to be gay," which is very difficult for a woman to work with.

She’s optimistic, though. "I’m online now, and I saw a guy in a Motorhead T-shirt with the opening line: ‘Can cook, need critic.’ That’s my dream guy — someone who cooks and knows a little about music. Someone who doesn’t ask me, ‘Whose version of "Crazy" is this?’ when it’s by Willie Nelson, who only has one of the most distinctive voices ever!"

Madeline’s predilection for the rock star type has led her through a short relationship with a now popular indie rocker and a more recent long-term association with a producer/musician. But now she’s skewing older, wealthier, and preferably with a summer place in Cape Cod.

"I want someone who’s going to look at me and say, ‘Wow, what a hottie,’" she says. "And who’s not going to be out chasing strippers."

That said, Madeline had a date all lined up after our interview. She was excited, because he has an accent. Not that that’s part of her ideal. But he does sound "like a cross between Robyn Hitchcock and Syd Barrett," she says, naming two rock stars. But at least this guy owns his own place.

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