
Following the death of my husband, there came a point in time where I decided to enter the dating world. My social life had been reduced to people I saw at work and my kidsā friends. Living in a small community combined with being self employed, I realized I was becoming a bit of a recluse.
I knew I had to make some changes in my life in an attempt to move forward and not remain stagnant. It was a bit daunting, being single and dating after having been married for twenty years.
The first thing I discovered was that dating had changed drastically from what I remembered. Everything associated with online dating, dating services and matchmaking services felt foreign.’ It left me feeling oddly out of place for a woman who had not participated in any type of dating for twenty-five years or more.
My initial thoughts were that it would be a relatively uncomplicated means to boost a sagging social life. Yes, I admit to being naĆÆve.
I soon discovered that with online dating, ānormalā took on a new definition. I was blithely unaware that some would view my boys, ages 12 to 21, as liabilities, even though I had no intention of searching for a new āfatherā for them.
In filling out dating profiles, I was scrupulously honest, however, I learned not everyone followed this rule. By now, I suspect you the reader may be wondering in what sandbox my head was buried all these years.
For some reason I attracted men who didnāt know or care anything about commitment, caring or long term relationships. The more I talked to other daters of various ages and sexual orientation, I was surprised to discover similar experiences across the board.
I had to wonder how had dating become such a dilemma? Dating in the 21st century seemed rather hit and miss. Many times it’s an opportunity to get what you can and move on. I hated feeling like I was at a smorgasbord and in danger of being passed over for a newer, tastier dish.
By the time most of us have reached fifty years of age, lifeās experiences have wounded us in some way or another, which of course colors our thoughts, feelings and relationships. However, I was still a bit taken back to discover some āfifty-somethingsā have let basic courtesy, caring and honesty skills fall by the wayside.
I learned to steer clear of emotionally unavailable partners; men still āattachedā to other women and men who dated but obviously preferred to remain loners. Many men were good men in their own right, but not right for me.
I began to ask myself, why be with someone who contributes nothing to my life? I deserved better.
My early dating experiences reinforced the notion that a relationship should begin as friends, letting a partner show true interest and caring before jumping into any intimacy.
It took several unhappy experiences before I realized being true to myself is my real power. After dating for two years, I made the decision not to date superficially, but find instead a man who will enhance my life as I will enhance his. Why should anyone settle for less?
About the author: To learn more about Elaine Williams, visit www.aJourneyWellTaken.com.
Something to say? Join the conversation in the Dating, Love, & Sex Forums.
Enjoy our latest Dating Tips & Advice Videos, fresh from YouTube.
Tip: Click the Left and Right arrows in the video player to browse dozens more videos...
If you’ve been in a relationship before and you’re entering a new one you likely carry the war scars of the last one with you. What are to consequences to you... Read the story »
Web Hosting by ServInt, "the best high end web host we've ever used". Or, for cheap, reliable web hosting for less than $7/month, try AN Hosting.
Accessing this website acknowledges your agreement to the AskDanAndJennifer.com Terms of Use. All information on this website is intended for entertainment purposes only and does not in any way constitute medical or psychological advice, or any form of counseling. In other words, you and only you are completely and solely responsible for your decisions and your actions.