The dating field can sometimes be hard to play.

How do you ask someone out, is sex after three dates okay, what do you wear on a date?

It definitely takes some courage and some patience to get used to the dating scene.

When showing interest in someone, it’s common to get rejected. If you’re rejected, does no always mean no?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve been told that sometimes persistence is a good thing? Do you believe that sometimes one should be persistent after receive the first no, or do you think persistence is a bad thing?

– Budz

Why A Woman Says No

A woman may reject your dating advances for a variety of reasons. Perhaps she just got fired or quit her job. Perhaps someone passed away or she’s having a fight with a friend or family member. Perhaps she’s dating someone or perhaps she just got out of a relationship.

There is a much greater chance of there being some external factor to her rejection than the fact that she just doesn’t like you. So if you get rejected when asking her out, take heart. It may mean no today, but it might not mean no in the future. Sometimes it does pay to be persistent if you’re really interested in someone.

For the record, however, there is a big difference between persistence and stalking. If you repeatedly make advances towards the same person and she says no every time, or she’s started avoiding you or has even called the cops on you, chances are you’ve stopped being persistent and have walked right into stalking.

One time that no always means no is during sex. If someone says no to a sexual advance or makes themselves clear that they don’t want to have sex, no always means no.

Getting A Yes

There are several things you can do to set yourself up for a yes even before you ask someone out. The trick is, stop asking people out! It’s difficult for someone to say yes when they’re put on the spot like that.

Instead, have conversations with them. Get to know them and let them get to know you. Just have a conversation with them as though they were a real person or a friend  because they are! This often gets the person you’re interested in relaxed enough to figure out if she really is interested in you or not, and you have a better chance of getting a yes this way than just asking her out point blank.

While you can never really say that no doesn’t always mean no, you can say that no might mean no for right now. Don’t be afraid to try again later.

Of course, when it comes to sex, no always means no but if you’re just asking a girl out and she rejects you, just remember that it might be a multitude of things causing her to be uninterested in you at that point in time rather than her just being uninterested in you. Approach her again in due time and spark up a conversation. It really doesn’t even have to go anywhere. If you approach her with talking to her being your only goal in mind, you are setting yourself up for dating success.

While you might not always be successful, as long as you’re not bordering on stalking, take a no with a grain of salt and re-approach her at a later date. You can also ask her to be honest with you. If she continues to say no, just ask her if she’s just not interested in you. If she’s really not, she’ll let you know. Then you can move on and focus your efforts on another fish in the sea!