Are Friends With Benefits REALLY Beneficial?

7 Responses to “Are Friends With Benefits REALLY Beneficial?”

1. Lance on February 17th, 2008 9:21 pm

   Lisa, I thought your article was well written, but I don’t agree. As long as the two partners are mature and understand the score, ie embrace the FB relationship like adults, there’s not going to be a problem. Friends with benefits is a legit relationship type and quite common. Also, a self esteem issue? Sorry, I’m not buying it. All of the women I know are smarter and self realized enough to not get hung up on a casual relationship. That kind of stuff happens in college.

2. Lisa Quirke on February 18th, 2008 6:38 am

   Hi Lance…I appreciate your comments. Unfortunately, I have seen and experienced the side I described…among adults, not college students…

   I do agree that is a legitimate relationship type, just not the kind that works for everyone. I’m definitely not judging. If it works for you, that’s fabulous. I just know it doesn’t work for me and for many of the women I’ve talked to.

3. Lance on February 18th, 2008 5:42 pm

   I didn’t say there was a complete emotional disconnect. The ideal situation is where you’re friends (hence the friends part), mildly affectionate, sexual, and able to connect intimately AND selectively. It’s almost like being a gf/bf but only during the moments when you’re together. What you’re cutting out is all the relationship stuff for whatever reason. This requires a fairly high level of maturity and emotional stability, but it’s really not a bad deal. Imagine if you’re a super-busy, single professional. No time to have a relationship, but you can be intimate once every week or so. These people need this kind of thing and it works.

4. Honey on February 19th, 2008 7:30 pm

   In my experience, it’s the women who are fine with FB type relationships, whereas men get attached and want commitment. IMO, this is because men tend to view women they’re intimate with as conquests or property, but the practical effect is the same. Maybe the solution (for both men and women) isn’t to avoid these types of relationships, but to actively build self-esteem so that they don’t feel the need read into the relationship things that aren’t there in order to feel good about themselves.

5. Lisa Quirke on February 20th, 2008 6:43 am

   I think you’re on to something Honey, though I’m surprised that you think men have a more difficult time. That’s something I’ll have to ponder! But I think you’re right. Building self esteem would be, at the least, a very good first step.

6. Liebhaber on February 27th, 2008 2:51 pm

   It sounds to me as if it is the perfect relationship for superficial people — men or women - who don’t have much emotional depth and just want to get some pleasure out of life. Packet of popcorn, cigarettes, a few beers and a shag - sort of mentality.

   Lisa, I think you are worried about people who are not like that and am looking for something else, sometthing more meaningful and romantic.

   Or am I mistaken?

7. amber on March 15th, 2008 6:33 pm

   I also do not agree with this.. I have a friend with benefits. I love him to death, but only as a friend. I still look for other relationships and when i do get hurt it is nice to have him there to console me. We both know it is not going any further than sex.

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