Comments on: Are Friends With Benefits REALLY Beneficial?

By: amber

amber — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 23:33:27 +0000

I also do not agree with this.. I have a friend with benefits. I love him to death, but only as a friend. I still look for other relationships and when i do get hurt it is nice to have him there to console me. We both know it is not going any further than sex.

By: Liebhaber

Liebhaber — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 20:51:55 +0000

It sounds to me as if it is the perfect relationship for superficial people — men or women – who don’t have much emotional depth and just want to get some pleasure out of life. Packet of popcorn, cigarettes, a few beers and a shag – sort of mentality.

Lisa, I think you are worried about people who are not like that and am looking for something else, sometthing more meaningful and romantic.

Or am I mistaken?

By: Lisa Quirke

Lisa Quirke — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 12:43:35 +0000

I think you’re on to something Honey, though I’m surprised that you think men have a more difficult time. That’s something I’ll have to ponder! But I think you’re right. Building self esteem would be, at the least, a very good first step.

By: Honey

Honey — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 01:30:17 +0000

In my experience, it’s the women who are fine with FB type relationships, whereas men get attached and want commitment. IMO, this is because men tend to view women they’re intimate with as conquests or property, but the practical effect is the same. Maybe the solution (for both men and women) isn’t to avoid these types of relationships, but to actively build self-esteem so that they don’t feel the need read into the relationship things that aren’t there in order to feel good about themselves.

By: Lance

Lance — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 23:42:09 +0000

I didn’t say there was a complete emotional disconnect. The ideal situation is where you’re friends (hence the friends part), mildly affectionate, sexual, and able to connect intimately AND selectively. It’s almost like being a gf/bf but only during the moments when you’re together. What you’re cutting out is all the relationship stuff for whatever reason. This requires a fairly high level of maturity and emotional stability, but it’s really not a bad deal. Imagine if you’re a super-busy, single professional. No time to have a relationship, but you can be intimate once every week or so. These people need this kind of thing and it works.

By: Lisa Quirke

Lisa Quirke — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 12:38:59 +0000

Hi Lance…I appreciate your comments. Unfortunately, I have seen and experienced the side I described…among adults, not college students…

I do agree that is a legitimate relationship type, just not the kind that works for everyone. I’m definitely not judging. If it works for you, that’s fabulous. I just know it doesn’t work for me and for many of the women I’ve talked to.

By: Lance

Lance — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 03:21:23 +0000

Lisa, I thought your article was well written, but I don’t agree. As long as the two partners are mature and understand the score, ie embrace the FB relationship like adults, there’s not going to be a problem. Friends with benefits is a legit relationship type and quite common. Also, a self esteem issue? Sorry, I’m not buying it. All of the women I know are smarter and self realized enough to not get hung up on a casual relationship. That kind of stuff happens in college.