So what does it mean to be "The Backup Guy"?

The backup guy is the one she calls to go out when no one else is around. He’s the one that’s always there for her just in case she needs him. He is not however, very high on her priority list and she will cancel plans, not show up, and otherwise treat him like a lower class citizen.

And she can get away with it because he REALLY likes HER.

So what should you do if you find yourself in this situation?

The Question

I have been asking out a woman for more than a month. She keeps saying yes, but then either has excuses or disappears. I know she was wrapping up with an ex-boyfriend and that was part of the problem. He is now out of the picture and she now says she doesn’t want to date till she’s past it. This again puts me on a back burner, where she still says she would like to go out sometime.

She says that I’m a NICE GUY, just the kind she probably needs. I told her she might not want a nice guy and she said I was wrong. In social situations, not dates because can’t get her to go on a real date, she is very flirty with everyone.

Normally I would bail out at this point, but when I do my phone rings off the hook she’s wondering why I’m ignoring her. I know she has others admirers, so what? I like her a lot and she knows it. It seems she is just trying to hang on for the comfort effect. I want to move forward or move on. Forward gets blocked. Moving on gets phone calls… Suggestions would be nice!!

The Answer

You’re absolutely right. She seems to be entertaining you so that she has a security blanket and doesn’t have to be alone.

It’s good that she wants to get past her previous relationship before dating again, but she seems a little flaky and it sounds like you’re not exactly her type, but you’re there when she is lonely.

The "Backup Guy"

To cut right to the chase – You’re the back up guy in case no one better shows up…

When I say ‘better’, I mean from her perspective… Don’t think that there’s anything wrong with you. This just doesn’t sound like a 2-way fit… 

When she says that you’re the kind of guy that she probably needs…

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