Why You Should Stop Being the Backup Guy Before It’s Too Late
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So what does it mean to be "The Backup Guy"?
The backup guy is the one she calls to go out when no one else is around. He’s the one that’s always there for her just in case she needs him. He is not however, very high on her priority list and she will cancel plans, not show up, and otherwise treat him like a lower class citizen.
And she can get away with it because he REALLY likes HER.
So what should you do if you find yourself in this situation?
The Question
I have been asking out a woman for more than a month. She keeps saying yes, but then either has excuses or disappears. I know she was wrapping up with an ex-boyfriend and that was part of the problem. He is now out of the picture and she now says she doesn’t want to date till she’s past it. This again puts me on a back burner, where she still says she would like to go out sometime.
She says that I’m a NICE GUY, just the kind she probably needs. I told her she might not want a nice guy and she said I was wrong. In social situations, not dates because can’t get her to go on a real date, she is very flirty with everyone.
Normally I would bail out at this point, but when I do my phone rings off the hook she’s wondering why I’m ignoring her. I know she has others admirers, so what? I like her a lot and she knows it. It seems she is just trying to hang on for the comfort effect. I want to move forward or move on. Forward gets blocked. Moving on gets phone calls… Suggestions would be nice!!
The Answer
You’re absolutely right. She seems to be entertaining you so that she has a security blanket and doesn’t have to be alone.
It’s good that she wants to get past her previous relationship before dating again, but she seems a little flaky and it sounds like you’re not exactly her type, but you’re there when she is lonely.
The "Backup Guy"
To cut right to the chase - You’re the back up guy in case no one better shows up…
When I say ‘better’, I mean from her perspective… Don’t think that there’s anything wrong with you. This just doesn’t sound like a 2-way fit…
When she says that you’re the kind of guy that she probably needs… Continued on next page >>
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Thanks for commenting on my blog. I found your article earlier and thought it was rather interesting. What I’ve found here more locally - and perhaps it’s that way more generally, is that many women are stuck in some sort of ’stereotype’ in that they think they’re place is to be a ‘lady in waiting’ for the right guy.
Around here we call it a ‘midwest mentality’ and unfortunately, many women are pushed aside and the men call the shots.
This frustration I have personally, with my close friend, is also going across many levels and into marriages.
I posted on www.supernannyrules.com earlier today wanting to know just what IS mommy’s job. What makes the responsibilities of men and women so doggone different.
I’ve enjoyed reading your blog and would be happy to cross link from time to time. Drop me an email if you ever need a little extra light shined down on something you’ve written.
The main reason for me to not be the backup guy is because I believe in karma. If I’m someones backup guy, my girl will also have a backup guy.