Avoid overtly sexual comments.

Don’t come on too strong at first with sexual innuendos and try not to comment on the person’s photo. Find something a little more ‘deep’ to comment on, maybe something they said in their description.

Find a way to continue the communication.

The main point of the first email is to get them to notice you and to respond back to you. Don’t give up too much information, but tell them enough to get them interested. You are trying to get a conversation going, so asking questions is a good idea, as long as you don’t ask too many.

Mention things you have in common, and ask a question or two about them.

For example, when you first start messaging with someone, you could ask, "Did you do anything fun this week?" "Do you have any great plans for the weekend?" This will help you learn more about the person without seeming nosey. After you have been communicating with someone special for a while, you can use innocent questions to see if you can find an opening in time when the two of you might meet.

Try to avoid long letters with little details that might be considered boring.

Keep it to the point, but try to let your personality shine through. Then, a good rule of thumb is "compliments and questions." An earnest compliment on the person’s accomplishments, writing style, or life goals will say a lot.

Here are a couple of good, ice-breaking starter topics:

• If you live in the same area, comment on the area, or something relating to it. If you don’t live in the same area, you can ask questions about where they are.
• Music and movies are also a good conversation-starter; most everyone likes some kind of music or movie.
• Maybe you went to the same college or better yet, a rival school. Poking fun at rival schools is always a fun way to break the ice.

And sign your real first name…

If you work this right, the person will contact you back. Remember, even if you get a response, you’ll have to keep their interest. In the emails that follow, keep asking questions and keep complimenting (while remaining honest and positive). When you feel comfortable, you can move on to more intimate forms of communication like instant messaging, the telephone, and eventually, meeting in person.

If a day goes by and you haven’t heard from them, rather than inundate the individual’s mailbox with messages, leave one short, sweet message that provides a small hint to prompt him or her to reply.

Remember…

Don’t give out your full name, personal email address, or phone number in this initial email; wait until you’re both interested and it’s apparent that it’s going somewhere.

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