So you’ve finally created an account on your favorite online dating site. You’re so excited.

But when the search results come back, you’re left speechless.

Where are all of the really hot profile photos that the dating site shows on their home page? Did they all just quit?

Well, not exactly. Most online dating websites put their best photos on the home page. Online dating, like offline dating is a numbers game. A very small percentage of the population is what most people would consider good looking, and even fewer are what most people would consider ‘hot’.

Does this mean that only desperate men and women upload photos online. Definitely not! There are many reasons that very successful and very attractive people join online dating sites.

Maybe they’re too busy to hang out at the local club or just don’t want waste their time actually meeting people with which they have nothing in common. Meeting people online does has the very distinct advantage of allowing you to pre-screen potential dates before spending 2 hours over dinner or movie.

However, the numbers are still true… There will be more unattractive people than really ‘hot’ ones. That just the reality of being human. Keep in mind however that ‘attractive’ is a very subjective term. It means something different to everyone.

So be patient in your search and if you sign up to a dating site that uses a matching algorithm, make sure to fill in as many details as possible so that you’ll get the best matches. 

Here’s a question from a very frustrated woman in New York…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I just scrolled through at least 90 online dating photos and not one of the men was handsome enough to pursue.

I have done this just a few times… The few men that were handsome are 25 or 27 at most. It just shows how men feel it’s ok to neglect themselves. Most women will throw themselves at anything…

I will not go by looks alone but I must start with something. The rep at eHarmony tried to make me feel badly that I was considering looks and physical appeal. I will not back down or apologize for that.

It seems the axiom that if a man is handsome and on the ball he will rarely put himself on an online dating site. Let’s face it isn’t that true? Why would a man need to do that if he’s got the looks and personality?

It is very disheartening and awful…

– Lisa in New York

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