You may have heard the news about Scott Roeder, who was recently found guilty of first-degree, premeditated murder. He admits to having shot Dr. George Tiller, and it only took the jury just over half an hour to reach a guilty verdict.

From the Associated Press: Scott Roeder had confessed publicly before the trial and admitted again on the witness stand that he shot Tiller in the head in the foyer of the Wichita church where the doctor was serving as an usher. He testified he felt the lives of unborn children were in “immediate danger” because of Tiller.

I cannot imagine the pain and emotional outrage the Tiller family must be going through right now. This kind of senseless loss is unfathomable, and as I think about this situation, I’m noticing my own prejudices coming to the surface. Putting emotions aside for the moment, I’m curious as to why we direct our anger toward the symptom rather than the illness.

Preventing Abortion?

How about instead of shooting the messenger, let’s analyze the message. If more women stopped using their insecurities and then their bodies to entice men into relationships, and if more men would take responsibility for their actions and, well, man up, perhaps the abortion rate wouldn’t be as high as it is. Sex is is not about playing around – it’s a responsibility, and becoming a parent is a possible outcome that needs to be taken very seriously. If we get in line with our inner wisdom, we would easily see that the equation is simple: if you want the enjoyment of sex, you have to accept the potential consequences, as well. Perhaps if we dealt with the buried issues that cause us to use sex as a bargaining chip, there would be less inclination to use abortion as birth control.

Biologically, the point of sex is reproduction, but if you look around at the number of kids with absent dads, it’s easy to see that people don’t really take their responsibilities seriously.

So what if instead of Pro-Life, America went Pro-DAD? Then the news might read more like this:

Across the country, men are suddenly stepping up to the plate, as the responsibilities of having sex finally become clear to them. They have finally begun to comprehend that their place as fathers is to personally show their children how to survive and get along in the world, while the mother takes on her role in teaching the children to love themselves. In this way, parents are now able to provide a situation in which they raise their children as a team, and create a dynamic of mutual respect where the child feel safe and secure. Without this partnership, a single mother struggles to meet all the needs of the child, both physically and emotionally. Men and women everywhere are coming to the conclusion that each of us has a responsibility to be honest about our actions. As a result, the abortion rate has dropped dramatically.

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What Is Emergency Contraception?

Emergency contraception, also known as the “morning after pill” is just that – it’s contraception that is used in the event of an emergency. If you miss a few birth control pills, the condom breaks, or your diaphragm spills as you’re taking it out. Emergency contraception isn’t regular birth control, meaning you can’t have sex without protection every time and simply use emergency contraception afterwards to prevent pregnancy. It also won’t protect you against sexually transmitted diseases or infections. But it can help when something goes wrong with your normal contraception methods.

What Is Plan B?

Plan B is the brand name of emergency contraception that is available at your local pharmacy or Planned Parenthood location. You don’t need a prescription for Plan B, but insurance won’t help pay for it either. It works – about 7 out of 8 women that would have become pregnant if they didn’t use Plan B didn’t. Plan B is most effective 72 hours after having unprotected sex or a contraceptive failure, and the longer you wait, the less effective it will be. You certainly don’t have to wait 72 hours either – take it as soon as you can after the event in question to maximize your chances of not becoming pregnant.

How Does Plan B Work?

Plan B works the same as birth control does – in fact, the chemicals are very nearly the same in the two medications, with the exception that Plan B has much stronger doses. Both Plan B and birth control work to stop the release of an egg from the ovary, as well as making the lining of your uterus inhabitable for a fertilized egg should one try to implant itself. Plan B is not an abortion – it won’t work if you’re already pregnant. It simply prevents pregnancy from happening in the first place.

Here are some things you should know about Plan B:

• When you take Plan B after a contraception failure or unprotected sex, you are preventing pregnancy from that particular occurance. There is no long term pregnancy prevention with Plan B.
• There are risks associated with Plan B, such as blood clots and stroke, which is higher if you smoke. These risks are similar to those with birth control. Ask your pharmacist or Planned Parenthood representative about these risks.
• There are few side effects with Plan B, but it is not side effect free. You can experience changes in your menstrual cycle, nausea or dizziness. Ask your pharmacist if you have any questions about side effects with Plan B.

It’s Better To Be Prepared

Birth control doesn’t work all the time. Even the best birth control methods still have a very small window in which you can get pregnant. If you don’t want to have a baby, you should have a backup plan. You can get Plan B before your contraceptive even fails, so you’ll be ready if something happens. Shouldn’t you have a Plan B?

Update: Representatives from Plan B have contacted us with new information about their product. It is no longer called Plan B, but Plan B One Step. Those 17 and older are able to get Plan B One Step without a prescription, but those 17 and under must have a prescription for emergency contraception. Visit www.PlanBOneStep.com for more information.

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Believe it or not, many women are faced with the need to choose between a man or a baby, and it’s a tough decision.

It involves weighing all the possible outcomes of each scenario as well as moral beliefs and what you actually want.

If you find yourself in this situation, the decision is one that only you can make for yourself.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I am 26 and my partner is 46. We have been together on and off for 3 years. I am only his second relationship and he says he has steered clear from relationships because he didn’t want children.

He does not like them and despises the fact he would be financially responsible for the next 18 years. I have a 5 year old son and he gets on great with him so I cannot understand why he doesn’t want his own.

This has always been okay until I find out I am 6 weeks pregnant. He wants me to choose between him and the baby and said I can’t have both. I want this child. Do you think a man will change his mind once his child is here? Surely he will have some kind of feeling won’t he? Or am I faced with being a single parent?

- Emma, United Kingdom

A Very Difficult Choice

It’s a tough situation to be in, but some women find themselves facing the choice between a man or a baby.  Whether it is because the man in the relationship does not want a child or for other reasons, it is an extremely difficult choice to make.  The choice made in this type of situation is one that changes many lives and often forever.

It’s not a choice with a temporary consequence.  If you’re in a situation like this, it is important to take a time out (as long as you need) to really think about what could possibly happen in each scenario.  It’s even more important to weigh all the factors.

Whose lives does this choice affect?  What would happen if you chose your man?  What would happen if you chose your baby?  It might help to make a list. One that you can look at and add to from time to time as you think about what your options are.

Option one…choosing your man

If you choose your man, will you have to have an abortion?  Will you need to give the baby up for adoption?  How would that make you feel?  How does that align with your religious or moral beliefs?  How do you think that would make your man feel after the fact?

These are all important things to consider when you’re thinking about what would happen if you chose your man over the baby.  One of the most critical things to think about, however, is how your relationship will fare weeks, months and even years after the fact.

Is it likely that you will harbor resentment towards your man for “making you” choose him over the baby?  If that seems possible, a deep seated resentment may lead to the ending of the relationship later on in life.  How would that make you feel if you chose your man over your baby and then ended up losing the relationship?  You need to be prepared to accept any outcome if you choose this scenario.

Option two…choosing your baby

If you choose your baby, what will happen to your man?  Will you stay together until the baby is born or will you end it now?  Do you think that he will change his mind and feel connected to the baby once it is born?

If he has been clear about not wanting to have children since the beginning of the relationship, that’s not likely to happen and you need to be prepared for that.  Be prepared to be a single parent.  Do you think you can handle taking care of a child on your own?  Would you go to court to get child support?

It’s YOUR decision

Remember, you are the only one who can make this decision.  Don’t let friends, family or even your man influence you.  It’s your life and your baby’s life. Use your head and your gut instinct to guide you to what you should do.

Either way, it won’t be easy.  It won’t be easy to leave a man that you loved, nor will it be easy to give up your baby.  If you sit down and really think about the situation and don’t rush the decision, you can gather strength from the fact that you really did choose what was best for you.

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