Domination Vs. Submission

Very few people enjoy both domination and submission, so it’s safe to say you generally like one or the other. Now, domination and submission doesn’t always involve BDSM or sex escapades that are really out there. You can definitely experiment with dominant and submissive roles in the bedroom without getting too crazy.

Are You A Dominant Personality?

Think about what turns you on – do you like being in a position of power over your partner? Do you like to tell your partner what to do to you? If so, you may have a dominant personality. If you know you have a little bit of a dominant personality, take it a step further in the bedroom and really bring out your alter ego. No, you don’t have to bring out the whips and chains. Here are some easy ways to experiment with domination without going too far.

• Order your partner around. Have them do sexy things for you or to you.
• Try light spanking. Tell your partner that they’ve been “naughty” and need reprimanding.
• Experiment with a little bondage. A silk tie makes a great blindfold or impromptu handcuffs. You don’t have to bring out the heavy duty rope to have a little fun with tying your partner up or taking away their sense of sight.

Are You A Submissive Personality?

If the idea of being dominant over your partner just doesn’t do it for you, but the idea of them being a little dominant over you intrigues you, you may be more of a submissive personality. Think about receiving a spanking from your lover or having your lover tell you what to do to them. Does it turn you on? If the idea sparks some interest but you’ve never tried it before, here are some ways to start to bring out your submissive personality.

• Tell your partner that you’ve been very, very “bad” and need to be reprimanded. See if they catch your drift.
• Let your partner gently tie your hands behind your back while they tease you, leaving you helpless to stop what they’re doing to you.
• Get on your hands and knees in front of your partner. Crawl towards him slowly before unzipping his pants for a blowjob.
• Let your partner use sex toys on you. This can be even more fun with a blindfold because you’re not sure what they’re going to use next!

Playing Pretend

You may think that playing pretend is for kids, but you can turn it into sex games to make it a more adult activity. Think about different roles that would work with your inner personality. For example:

Fun Role Play For A Dominant Personality

• Have your partner be a “dog” while you be the owner. This is a great role to use when you want your partner to perform oral sex on you.
• Act out a teacher/student fantasy. Give your partner a test and then tell them that they failed it and you need to “tutor” them on how to do it correctly.
• Be a dirty cop. “Arrest” your partner for a crime and keep them hostage until they “earn” their way to freedom.
• Try being a sexy nurse. Have your partner assume the role of a wounded patient that needs your immediate “medical” attention.
• Capitalize on the recent craze in vampires and approach your partner wearing a pair of sexy fangs. Let them know you’re not out to suck their blood though – and you can prove it by showing them what you do want to suck on!

Fun Role Play For A Submissive Personality

• Act as a French maid, or a maid of any kind. Clean up after your partner, or “serve” them sexually.
• Try adopting the personality of a “school girl.” This can be with or without an outfit, but an outfit will make you look and feel more submissive to your lover in this role.
• Look for a Princess Leia slave costume and act out the role with your partner. Surprisingly, a ton of guys – especially Star Wars fans – dig this sex fantasy.
• Have your partner act out the part of a sexy firefighter that rescues you from a burning building or from being trapped in a car.
• Don an Indian girl costume and have your partner assume the role of “John Smith.”
• Be Little Red Riding Hood while your partner acts as  the wolf – and completely takes you over.

Bring In Costumes

While you may feel a little shy about wearing a sexy costume, but even just a few props can make the role play feel more realistic and be a lot more fun! Even home made costumes can really make a difference! Consider getting a few things to make your role play more fun, such as a red cloak to be Little Red Riding Hood or a sexy police costume to act out the role of a dirty cop. If you can’t get your hands on an adult costume, here are some easy things you can grab from your house and turn into a sexy prop:

• A white dress shirt can be tied at the waist and paired with a skirt for a “sexy school girl” outfit.
• A bikini with a few silk ivy leaves glued to it can easily make a sexy “Eve” costume for an Adam and Eve role play.
• A cut up sheet can suffice as a Pocahontas or Indian outfit.
• Check out thrift stores in your area – you’ll be surprised at what you can find if you use your imagination!

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A Garter Belt

A garter belt is a piece of lingerie (the fabric is usually lace or satin but can be other materials such as leather) that slips over the hips. On each leg, there are two clips that hold up a pair of thigh high pantyhose. A garter belt doesn’t function as panties – it is only worn to hold up thigh high stockings. They can be adorned with ribbons, lace, bells, leather, fringe and more for added erotic appeal. This is a much sexier way to do pantyhose!

The reason that men find garter belts so sexy is because they just look sexy. You can turn a normal bra and panty set into a titillating outfit by just throwing on a matching garter belt and a set of thigh highs. Garter belts can also be worn under a woman’s clothes during the day, such as with a pair of slacks or a dress. This gives her man a super sexy surprise when she gets home and lets him see what is underneath! Garter belts are also a lot of fun to use during sex. Your guy will like feeling the straps on your hips and legs as his body thrusts into you!

Crotchless Panties (Or No Panties)

Crotchless panties qualify as lingerie, but are pretty much pointless to have if you’re trying to use them as functional underwear. That’s why men enjoy them so much – they know if you’re wearing them, you’re already thinking about sex and want them to have easy access to your genitals. Oral sex over a pair of crotchless panties is incredibly hot (for you and him) and can be a super hot surprise for him at the dinner table or in the movie theater.

You can also go commando and forgo wearing panties or lingerie all together for the same effect. Lean over and whisper to your lover at dinner (or in some other public place) that you’re not wearing any panties. If you’re wearing a dress, let him slip his hand underneath and look for himself. You’ll give him an instant erection right then and there.

Cheekies

G-strings are great for showing off your butt and they’re a great way to provide your partner with easy access for anal sex, but they leave little to the imagination. Your man appreciates nudity in any form, so he’s not going to tell you that the g-string is played out and it would be great to have you wear something a little different. Of course, granny panties are off the list, so what do you do when your g-string collection gets old?

Cheekies are panties that look normal in the front, but are curved up slightly in the back to let the bottoms of a woman’s butt cheeks show. You may wonder why a guy only likes to look at the bottom of your cheeks when you can see the whole thing in a g-string, but that’s what makes cheekies so sexy – they turn guys on by highlighting your best assets while still leaving something to the imagination. Seduction is rarely about full on nudity anyways.

A Corset Or Bustier

Corsets can be considered the beginning of lingerie, and were worn under dresses hundreds and hundreds years ago before the bra was ever invented. The idea behind a corset or bustier is to lift the breasts and create cleavage, as well as to hug the waist and bring it in to make a woman appear thinner yet more curvy. This is done with wire shaping in the corset and ties in the back that are laced as tightly as is comfortable for the woman. Corsets and bustiers are still very popular, especially in the world of burlesque.

A corset or bustier instantly says to your man, “I’m an old fashioned kind of sexy.” Your man will enjoy seeing your body all tied up in a corset and you’ll like the way it shapes you and makes you look really good. Let your man slowly untie your corset or bustier while you stand in front of a mirror – and watch his face as the corset drops to the floor after it’s untied. Your partner won’t be able to keep his hands off you for long!

A Shelf Bra

Like crotchless panties, a shelf bra is lingerie that is basically pointless to have underneath your clothes because it actually doesn’t cover up your breasts at all. A shelf bra is designed to go underneath the breasts, almost as though an underwire bra were cut in half. Your breasts will come up and over the top of the shelf bra, showing pretty much everything, including your nipples. Some half bras do cover up the nipples (but not much else), but that’s not what a true shelf bra is. A true shelf bra is designed to hold the breasts up, but show them completely.

Your man will really like the idea of this item of lingerie because of the fact that it is, indeed pointless to have. If you put one on, it’s purely for his viewing pleasure. It’s to make your breasts look amazing so they can be ogled. Your partner will love that you donned something like that just for him.

Platform Stilettos

While platform stilettos aren’t actually lingerie, they make pretty much any combination of lingerie – even your most basic black bra and panties set – look absolutely amazing. There’s a reason that strippers always have platform heels when they’re dancing, even when they’re completely naked. They make your legs look a thousand miles long and your body will instantly look leaner and more seductive.

Invest in a basic pair of platform stilettos (yes, platform – the scary looking ones that strippers actually use) and get used to walking around in them and wearing them when your partner isn’t home. Next time you don one of your lingerie outfits, slip the heels on too and watch your lover’s reaction when you strut your stuff.

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Watch A Few Porn Videos Together

Sit down with your partner and watch a few adult movies together. Figure out what you like and what you don’t like. Decide what looks hot and looks like you might want to try, and decide what you want to keep off screen. For example, don’t videotape your first time engaging in anal sex. That just won’t go well. Figure out what you want to do first, next and then how you want to finish up. Don’t be afraid to write it down. Professionals have a script and a storyboard, why can’t you?

Consider Hiring A Trusted Friend

One of the best things about real porn is that the camera goes in and out, focusing on different aspects of what the couple on screen is doing and grabbing those awesome close ups. You just aren’t going to achieve that with a standing tripod. If you want one camera angle, or don’t have anyone that you feel close enough with to ask this favor, a tripod will be fine.

However, if you want a film that turns out really great, consider hiring a close friend that you trust (perhaps even one with some knowledge of video cameras and filming techniques) to film you and your lover getting down. The finished product will most likely turn out much, much better and you’ll get views of you and your partner that you’ve never had before.

Invest In A Good Camera

No, the video camera on your cell phone isn’t going to work this time. If you don’t already have a good video camera, it may be time to invest in one before you start filming an amateur porn. It may be a pricey investment, however, you’ll be very glad you spent the money when you view the end result. Poor quality video cameras tend to be grainy or pixelated, making it difficult for you to see what’s really going on in the movie. When detail is important, a good camera is essential. Why would you want to tape a homemade porn when you’re not going to be able to see saliva on your partner’s penis as you give him a blowjob or vice versa when he’s giving you oral sex?

Make Sure You Have The Right Lighting

Lighting plays a very important part in any movie, and porn is no exception. Porn lighting can be tricky though, because you want enough light to make sure the camera picks up on everything, but you don’t want the fluorescent kind that highlights your every flaw. You can rent some lighting setups from your local rental agency, or you can purchase a few cheap floodlights from a hardware or home building store.

Buy An Outfit (Or Two)

Don’t wear your old, ratty pajamas when you shoot a homemade porn. Instead, spend a few extra bucks and get something nice for both you and your partner to wear. Lingerie, of course, looks great on camera, but it’s very important that you find something that flatters your body type. If you can fit into a garter belt and a pair of stockings without a muffin top hanging out, good for you. Go for it! However, if you’re a little bigger, you’ll want to buy something that flatters you.

Not so fond of your stomach? Try a baby doll top with sheer, filmy organza that flutters over your stomach and rests on your hips. Don’t like your arms but think your legs are bangin? Splurge on a minidress with tight long sleeves that rests just below where your butt and your legs meet. High heels or stilettos are a must for women, simply because no matter what you’re wearing, they’ll make your legs look fantastic.

Grooming

Grooming before shooting a porn is important, because you want to look your best. Of course, hair and makeup is a must but what about body makeup? Find a color of concealer or foundation that matches your body’s skin tone and use it to cover up blemishes on your legs and arms. You’d be surprised at how a bruise that you didn’t even know you had shows up on film after the fact.

You’ll also want to trim or shave your pubic hair, legs and armpits. Men may want to trim or shave their chest hair, depending on what you want to look like on film.

Use Editing Software

So your video is filmed and you’re ready to make the finished product. Consider purchasing or downloading video editing software to help you in the process. With editing software, you really can turn something mediocre into something fabulous. Just being able to cut out the scenes that you’re not happy with is well worth it right there, not counting the countless other cool features that can give your video that “wow” factor.

Above all, make sure that you’re filming a porn with someone that you trust and don’t allow copies to be made that aren’t expressly agreed upon by both of you. Remember to have fun and if you and your partner split, make sure the tape and any copies (digital or otherwise) are destroyed. Next time you and your lover want to heat things up, throw in your homemade porn and watch you and your lover get it on!

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What She Said

Heck no, that’s not weird! In fact, I bet your boyfriend will be kissing your feet. A girl who wants to dress up in adult costumes? I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to know that he not only gets you as you are, but also has a sexy kitten, nurse, French maid, school girl, cheerleader and witch all coming to visit! If he, for whatever reason, expresses discomfort then there will be some compromises ahead – but my guess is that your revelation will be greeted with a big smile and a little (or a lot) of foreplay.

What He Said

Would it be weird to ask him if it’s okay to wear adult costumes? Well, all that depends on the costumes. If you want to dress up like Chester A. Arthur or The Queen of England and have a historically accurate 19th century tea party, then yes, yes it is in fact weird. Unless of course he has a fetish for Medieval English History Reenactments and then no, it’s not weird. Well, the asking him to dress up part. The rest is most certainly off, to put it nicely.

What Adult Costumes Are Appropriate For The Bedroom?

If however, you want to dress up as a naughty nurse, a naughty doctor, a naughty cheerleader (you can also substitute the word ‘naughty’ with ‘slutty,’ ‘whore-y’ or ‘nympho’) and you think that it is weird to ask him if you want to wear those costumes for him, I have to wonder what exactly is wrong with you.

Are you afraid he’s going to take the kids and leave the country because he can’t believe what a foul mouth deviant you are? Are you afraid it will ruin his chances for running for office? Are you finding your sexual desires incompatible with your religion (if it makes you feel any better, the people who are in charge of your religion have way more f’d up sexual fantasies than you do).

Why He’ll Love Your Adult Costumes

The point here is that there’s no way your man will have a problem with you wearing sexy adult costumes for you. If he does, then he’s gay and just not ready to come out of the closet. Seriously. He may have a slight problem wearing costumes for you because, well, men feel weird rocking the banana hammock (or speed to the lay person).

He may not feel secure or comfortable in his body because he doesn’t fit the Fabio body type, or maybe he’s never done this kind of thing before. Just work with him on it and let him know you are into him and that this will make you want to do him more. That should eradicate any resistance he has to the idea, if he has any to begin with. If all else fails, offer him anal sex. That always works.

I really think this is less about how to get your man to go along with role playing and more about getting you to feel comfortable about it. There’s nothing wrong with it. You can be in a happy long term relationship (or not), monogamous (or not), and good parents (or childless) and still be freaks and whores in the bedroom. In fact, I encourage it.

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Cliche Costumes Make The Best Ones

Sure, you may think a sexy nurse or police officer is cliche, but these are actually some of the sexiest and hottest costumes available! Everyone loves a nurse in garters or a police officer in tall leather boots. If you think that by picking a common sexy costume that you’ll show up at a party wearing the same costume as someone else, think again. Many websites offer different versions of the same costume, so you can choose the one that’s just a little bit different than all the rest! You’ll love being the center of attention at any halloween party, and of course, you’ll want to incorporate your costume into the bedroom at home and give your partner amazing sex!

Spice Up Your Costume With A Wig

If you really want to be different on Halloween, try looking for a wig to go with your sexy costume. Have you picked out a sexy genie costume? Try going with a blond ponytail instead of your long brown hair. If you’ve picked something darker, such as a police officer, a mafia girl or even a hot assassin, why not go for a short, razor cut dark bob? Pairing wigs with your costume can take your look from “sure, that looks good” to “Damn! Who is that girl?!?” Taking your sexy costume to the next level with a wig is a bit like taking your normal sex routine up a notch with oral sex. It just adds that little something extra!

Plus-Size Sexy Costumes

Don’t think that you can’t wear a sexy costume just because you’re a little bigger around the middle. Most websites have plus size versions of their best costumes, so you can choose the costume that best flatters your body shape – it’s kind of like selecting the right size condom for your partner’s penis. Don’t want your spare tire to hang out? Choose a one-piece sexy nurse costume instead of the two-piece, or add a black leather bodice to your police costume to help cover up your flaws and make you look thinner! A one piece sexy school girl outfit can flatter a lot of body shapes, but perhaps the best costume for large tummies and busts is a barmaid-type costume. A full skirt will hide your thighs and a criss-cross bodice will cover up your midsection. A ruffled top enhances a large bust, so you can flaunt your assets while hiding what you don’t like about yourself. Finding a costume that you feel comfortable in (and that you can have sex in any sex position in without worrying about what’s hanging out) is the key to looking great on Halloween. Confidence and knowing you look good in whatever you choose to wear is what will turn heads and make you feel like a Halloween sex vixen!

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Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have a fetish for cross dressing. I like dressing up in sexy lingerie, but I don’t go out in public or anything. Are the any women out there who are open enough to consider this a normal part of a healthy sex life? I also like the idea of dressing up as a French maid and submitting myself to the lady of the manner….

–Jonathan, FL

Some Like It, Some Don’t

Many women aren’t going to be turned on by men who enjoy cross dressing – it’s just fact. While some women don’t mind it, some are going to be turned off by it. That doesn’t mean you have to give up what you enjoy though! There are women who enjoy cross dressing themselves, and who enjoy being with men who like to cross dress. There’s someone for everyone, no matter what your fetish or fantasy is. You just have to find them!

Where To Look

Okay, so popping over to the bookstore might help you meet a nice girl, it’s not likely to be the best place to meet someone who either won’t mind your cross dressing or someone who might even share your fetish with you. There are, however, lots of good places online to meet people who share your interests or similar interests to yours! Browse through online dating websites or online fetish websites where you can specify your interest in cross dressing before you even meet someone. It’s refreshing to know right off the bat that someone who shows interest in you through these websites know that you enjoy cross dressing and either like it or don’t have a problem with it.

How To Tell Someone Who Doesn’t Know

What if you’re already involved with someone or are dating someone who doesn’t know that you like to cross dress but you would like to share this fetish with them? This can be a tricky situation, but it’s definitely not an impossible one. Don’t have a “sit down” talk with them. This can be uncomfortable and will put your partner on the spot, and it can be especially awkward if they don’t react to your cross dressing in the way you expected. Try introducing it slowly. Buy a silky robe and see if your partner likes the feel of it on you. Try wearing her panties to bed and see what she thinks – if she doesn’t like it, you can always play it off as having fun. If she does, visit a lingerie shop with her, and pick out fun, sexy lingerie for both of you. Sharing your cross dressing with her slowly can help warm her up to the idea, and then you can begin to share your fantasies with her!

No matter what your fetish or fantasy is, it’s important to have someone you can share it with. Don’t judge other people and don’t let them judge you – to each his own and there’s always someone out there for everybody!

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And then ask yourself… why should kids have all the fun, while all the adults grow up and become boring and stodgy? Well, there are a lot of perks to being a grown up, and Halloween can be just as fun as it was back then… and a LOT more naughty.

Forget that! Let’s turn up the heat this Halloween with some dress up gear that’s ONLY for grown ups.

Instead of cartoon characters and action figures, how about some fun, sexy fantasy costumes to get you AND your lover in the mood for a steamy evening after your trick or treating.

French Maid? Nurse? Maybe a Sexy Bunny? 

"Is there a doctor in the house? Somebody’s been naughty and needs a physical."

Role playing is one of the most common forms of sexual diversion for a couple. Nothing like pretending to be someone else, living dangerously, meeting an exciting stranger and letting your passion run wild! 

There is of course the French maid, or better yet, the upstairs maid (no upstairs is complete without one). And of course the nurse, in case of emergency.

What about a sexy witch, or an adult pirate costume.

And for the serious playa who’s just dying to don that purple suede suit with leopard lining and matching hat, check out these pimp costumes.

It’s truly amazing how many creative sexy and fantasy costumes can be found, if you just know where to look.

What About Just Straight Fun Costumes? 

Then again, it’s not always about sex (just most of the time).

The lock and key costume is a great gag costume for those couples where the lady wears the pants. Just look at the picture and imagine it reversed, with her wearing the key. You know who you are.

Sexy Halloween Costumes

If you’re going to find a great, sexy outfit for Halloween, start looking now and order in plenty of time. Check out some of the great sexy costumes at Costumes, Inc and see what sparks your imagination.

They also have a special offer for our readers. When you order, be sure to use the coupon code "askdanjen" to get 15% off any order over $75 (except closeouts and shipping).

At the very least, check out the upstairs maid. Remember, no upstairs is complete without one. 

Note: This is a Sponsored Review brought to you by Costumes, Inc, but all opinions are our own. 

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Lingerie and sexy costumes are proven and effective tools used in the art of seduction. And as we all know, there are hundreds of online lingerie stores that all look pretty much the same…

But, occasionally we find a website that’s worth mentioning and Vicki’s Drawers is one of those… It’s a lingerie store, but not just a lingerie store. Vicki also provides her customers with great advice and a personal shopper service.

What is a personal shopper? It’s someone who knows the trend, styles, and more importantly someone who knows what will look good on your specific body type. Your personal shopper can save you hours of time and help you avoid the frustration of picking something out, only to find out that it looked really great on the rack but not on you. Just give Vicki a call or send her an email. She’ll shop for you and send you pictures of suggestions that you may like.

Vicki tells a tale of how she played dress-up in her grandmother’s closet as a child and dreamed of the woman she would become some far-away day and have all those feminine lace-and-satin things of her very own. It was these memories that planted the seed of owning her own lingerie shop. That dream has come true, online for now, but eventually Vicki hopes to own a physical lingerie shop.

Oh, and did we mention that she operates Vicki’s Drawers with her guy.

Together we searched for the perfect items to encourage women of all body types to fantasize about just how their own lovely, womanly curves will complete them, how the fabric will feel on their skin, and how their own lovers will react at the first sight of them, returning the gaze, expectant and blushing with desire.

So what do you dream and fantasize about? Really. When no one else is around… That you’re a goddess who is worshiped and adored by your lover? Or perhaps a wicked seductress claiming any lover she desires?

Stop living your fantasies only in your head. Regardless of your fantasy, Vicki will help you select the perfect lingerie to turn your fantasy into reality.

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