Ask Dan and Jennifer » adult dating

It Was Supposed To Be Just A Fling…Is It?

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 23:00:16 +0000

Sex can be casual, or it can mean something more. What do you do if the sex wasn’t supposed to mean anything, but you start having romantic feelings?

There’s this hot guy and the office. He was a so hot, I couldn’t help myself…neither could he. We hang out, hook up, then show up at work like we can’t stand each other. It was strictly a “no strings” deal going in, but all I do is think about doing him. Am I developing feelings?

What She Said:

It sounds like you’re getting good sex, so congratulations are in order! And, given that you mentioned you’re thinking about sex all the time, it sounds like it’s the act you’re attached to – not the guy.

It reads like an ideal situation and you’re both doing everything “right.” You’ve agreed on the boundaries (you don’t spend the night and you don’t discuss it at work); as well as what kind of relationship you’d like (sex with no strings). I’m going to assume that birth control and safety from STD’s have also been discussed. An accidental pregnancy is a quick way to snafu non-attachment!

Women Naturally Develop Emotional Attachments

In broad biological terms, women are hardwired to get attached to men they sleep with – it’s released in our hormones when we mate, so there’s no getting around that reality. But there is a way to beat it. If you feel you’re falling for this guy, take a step back emotionally and physically. Journal, talk to yourself in front of the mirror, write “NO” on the back of your hand, splash cold water over your face – whatever it takes to wake up and remind yourself what you’re really getting out of this situation. You might think you’re falling in love with him, when you’re really only falling for his body.

What you’re getting out of this is valuable. Sex is a healthy and necessary part of life and it sounds like you have a good physical connection with this guy. You both knew what you wanted from the get-go, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Keep your priorities in check and treat each other with respect – you’ll be fine. If emotions are starting to surface, be honest and see what happens. In the meantime, enjoy!

What He Said:

Sounds like he just plain screwed you stupid. You got it so good, you don’t know up from down and all those orgasms have straight fried your brain. There’s nothing to be concerned about. It is, after all, called mind blowing sex for a reason. Give it time. Let the new-ness of the relationship wear off. After your body and mind have adapted to their worlds consistently being rocked by this guy, then you’ll know if it’s really more than just screwing for you.

Don’t Get Caught

Maybe it is, maybe it’s not. Time will tell. The most important thing to consider here is the workplace aspect. Never ever do it at work. Never talk dirty at work. Never send naughty emails via company email accounts. Channel your inner secret agent and you should be fine.

How A Girl Can Hook Up With A Guy

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 23:00:36 +0000

Dating is one thing, a one night stand is another. Here’s how to get with a man without bringing home a bunch of baggage.

What She Said:

Dress sexy, show up, flirt and ask him, “Your place or mine?” – repeat.

Dressing Sexy Will Do The Trick a

I’d find four more examples, but this pretty much does the trick every time. It’s not that men are simple creatures by any stretch – but if a woman shows up somewhere with the goal of hooking up, chances are she’s going to find some takers. This is especially true if she’s at a club or bar.

Think About Safety

If you’re a woman looking to hook up instead of dating, please consider safety first. Given the nature of one-night stands, fact of the matter is that you’re probably not going to know this guy very well. Getting laid is fun and there’s no reason why a woman shouldn’t be open about needing/wanting sex.

However, one night of fun is not worth an unwanted pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease. If you’ve got the expendable income, a hotel can be a sexy place to meet – as well as making it neutral territory. If you’re going to his place, take your own car and let a friend know where you are.

Set Boundaries

Make sure to communicate and set the boundaries beforehand. Let him know condom use is a must. Don’t want to wake up and have to brew this guy coffee? Tell him it’s not a sleepover; odds are he won’t mind. You’re calling the shots, so make sure to get what you want and have fun. And, just like I advised the guys, the easiest way to hook up is be cool, honest and respectful.

What He Said:

Umm….seriously? You need help with this? No you don’t. You have a vagina. That means you can get laid anywhere, any place, any time.

Say whatever you want. At the end of the day, it’s a man’s world in every way, except when it comes to sex and dating. Women hold all the cards here. If you want to go get laid, just go into a bar and wait. That’s it. Granted you will have to choose from the guys who approach you, so that may not result in you going home with the guy you want, but you can guarantee that you will go home with someone.

Ask A Man Out

If you really want to up the odds and ensure you go home with the person you want, go up and hit on the guys yourself. Guys love that and it rarely happens. Go up to the hottest guy in the bar and tell him you want him to take you home. Now. Be very up front that this just sex and he won’t be dating you or meeting your friends or family. You’re not bringing him home for inspection. You’re bringing him home to have sex.

Have Him Spring For The Room

There’s really not much else to it. If you just want to have sex, it’s best not to give him your number until after you’ve done it (that way if it’s bad he can’t contact you) and it’s probably best to have him spring for a hotel room somewhere. Basically, you need to be as secretive as the CIA when just randomly hooking up with dudes, because a lot of things can go wrong or turn south in these situations and you just want to limit the risk as much as possible.

Top 5 Ways For A Guy To Hook Up With A Girl

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 23:00:30 +0000

Dating is tough – sometimes you just want to hook up and get some instead of going through the dating process. Here’s five suggestions on how to get a hook up.

What She Said:

Buy her drinks. (The goal is tipsy, not passed out.)
Give her lots of attention and flatter her.
Proposition her directly – she might be so shocked by your honesty that she may take you up on it.
Hit the dance floor at a crowded club and see what happens…
Attend a raging party with the “hook up” goal in mind and start scoping the crowd.

Buy Her Drinks

Honestly, alcohol is the most common component in a one-night stand. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you are aware that alcohol lessens inhibitions. But here is where you absolutely need to pay attention – you’re looking for girl who is getting tipsy because she also WANTS to get laid. This must be mutual. You’re looking for a fun night – you don’t want to add “date rapist” to your resume. Seriously.

Compliment Her

Be clear with your hook up. Have the balls to be a man and act responsibly. If you’re not looking for anything serious, let her know up front. It’s not sexy to take advantage of someone emotionally – it’s gross. The fact that you’re both going to use condoms should be a given – you most likely won’t have time to run out and get an STD panel. This is one night – not something you want to live with for the rest of your life, in virtually all aspects.

Be Confident, Respectful And Honest

What’s the best way to hook up? Be confident, be respectful and be honest. If you can’t be any of those things, please do women of the world a favor and masturbate at home with some lotion and this month’s Playboy.

What He Said

Great chocolate
Hang out at male strip clubs/gay bars
Hook up websites
Bars, bars, bars
Honesty

Chocolate Is The Female Viagra

Great chocolate is female Viagra. Period. End of story. All you need to do is find out whether she likes light or dark and then seek out the best, most expensive and amazing chocolatier in your city. Get her a piece or two. Hand it to her and insist she eat it there right in front of you. Watch the look on her face (that’s the face of her having a food orgasm for those of you keeping score at home), then just try not to fuck up the rest of the date until you get home that night, assuming there is a rest of the date after that.

Frequent Gay Bars

I have a friend who is hugely successful hooking up with chicks and he only goes to gay bars and male strip clubs. Why? Do the words “shooting fish in a barrel” mean anything to you? Women love gay bars because they feel safe, their guards are down, but they’re also going to get drunk and horny, and a Chippendale dancer is man’s best friend. Those women will lose their minds over those hard bodies and then they’ll want something else hard and you’ll be there to give it to them.

There are a plethora of adult websites, such as Adult Friend Finder. Put up a profile and go to town.

Bars in general are where girls go to hook up, go there, and do a lap. On that lap, make eye contact with every girl. If they break away, don’t bother. If they keep eye contact, it’s on.

Be Honest With Her

Chicks dig honesty. If you tell her straight up you just want some ass, you’re giving her the gift of choice. She can take it or leave it, but there’s no illusions about what the choices are. She will like that. That may mean she likes your brains out or not. But put it out there. It’s her choice.

5 “Hacks” Online Dating Websites Are Terrified You’ll Find Out

Vin DiCarlo — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 23:00:56 +0000

Between you and me, online dating is a hoax.

No, I don’t mean you can’t meet ladies online. In fact, you can meet so many girls online, you can have a full time sex life without ever leaving your house! I mean the companies who own online dating sites have a dirty secret: They’d like you to fail over and over again. Because they want to make sure you are frustrated, so they can bill your credit card.

In this article, you’ll discover 5 “hacks” you can use to dramatically increase your success in online dating. You’ll find out how they’re trying to keep you down. And you’ll discover how to show online dating sites who’s boss:

The Perfect Profile Picture

Ever wonder what the perfect online dating profile picture is? Well, it’s not the 6-pack pic (studies show most females aren’t into guys with 6 packs, strangely enough). And it’s none of the pictures that show how rich or powerful you are. (They’re the worst kind of bragging)

INSTEAD, it’s a secret picture no sane man would ever think to use: The sleeping picture!

Here’s how you get it:

Have a friend take a picture of you while you’re sleeping
Then, add it in to your profile pictures (Not your main one, try making it picture three or four)
Watch your response to your messages shoot WAY up!

(It’s the quickest way to show your vulnerable side)

Why the online dating sites are hiding it from you:

I’ve got to give the online dating sites a break on this one – they actually have no clue. In fact, I discovered this secret a few years ago, myself. And I kept it to myself, until I decided to “retire” from online dating. So I guess technically I’ve been hiding it from you. Oops. However, those online dating sites don’t get off the hook!

They bombard you with pictures where girls fall for jacked, rich guys. In this case, they’re lying to you. Even though their research tells them the truth! (I stole the six pack study from a Match.com result)

Where To Find Smart, Sexy Chicks

Ever wonder where the ladies with brains AND beauty are hiding? Hint: You’ll never find them if you look through profiles. You’re going to get “booby blinded” and veer off course. The truth is, it’s impossible to tell whether a woman has a good personality or not when you look at her profile. Because she probably rewrote and edited it four or five times.

Turns out, most online dating sites have a section where men and ladies share their opinions about dating, sex and relationships. And these “forums” can be goldmines when you want to meet girls. In fact, just looking through posts can tell you loads about the woman who wrote them. (You may even find a woman you really like – a woman with a good head on her shoulders, and a pretty, curvy body to boot)

Why the online dating sites are hiding it from you:

In this case, it’s your own damn fault. Because survey after survey tells dating sites that forums are “nerdy,” so dating sites don’t promote them hard. Most dating sites don’t even link to their forums. You might have to dig through a few links to find these magical places.

So how can you cruise for smart, sexy chicks without looking like a nerd? It’s easy:

You find her profile on the forums
Then you send her a message “out of the blue,” like you stumbled across her profile in the search menu.
You reap the benefits of the forums without the social risk of posting on them. Genius!

(And for the record, I’m a total nerd. You can be nerdy and proud and still meet girls. You just want to keep your nerdy side in check until she’s falling for you. Then it’s cute, instead of nerdy.)

They’re Sabotaging Your First Message

A major feature on most online dating sites allows you to send a woman a “gift,” along with your message. They tell you this gift makes females respond to messages better. In fact, most sites give you a message format to follow.

They’re WRONG!

Do the exact opposite of what they recommend: Never include any “bribe” for reading your message, and keep your message short and to the point. Tell her, “Hey, I saw your profile and had to message you. Here’s why…” and then tell her what you liked about her and her profile. Finally, ask her a question so she can message you back.

Being honest like this works better than most online dating website’s template messages. (I’ll explain why in a later section)

Why the online dating website are hiding it from you:

It’s in their best interest. You see, most “gifts” cost something. Sometimes it’s a certain amount of “points” you get from being on their site. Sometimes it’s real, live cash money. Either way, these sites make money when you send gifts. Sometimes it’s your money and sometimes it’s advertising money.

Most Websites Hire Dozens Of “Fake” Women

Ever notice that six gorgeous girls with big breasts are just WAITING for you at whateversite.com? And they live right in your area, too! Lucky you, lucky you! Truth is, these ladies are called “plants.” Bigger dating sites use “Geolocation Tracking” to figure out which city you live in. Then, they’ll show you stock pictures and tell you these girls are waiting for

It’s a lie!

Instead of joining a website you haven’t seen for yourself:

Try a website like bugmenot.com
Use a trial password account
And check out the girls there, for yourself
Only join if you see girls you like.

Why the online dating sites are hiding it from you:

Cold hard cash, baby.

They assume men want to meet HOT ladies online. We don’t surf online dating sites to meet average looking girls. So, to get you to sign up, they put “plants” in their ads. Even worse – most sites employ a few hundred “plant profiles.” Fake profiles with fake pics, designed to make you message them. They think once you send your first message, you can’t quit.

So if you don’t get a message back from that SUPER hot girl, you could have sent a bad message. Or you could have sent a message to a plant.

The Male/Female Ratio Secret

Think it’s some sort of cruel prank your messages never get returned? Even by girls who are average looking at best? Well the dating sites don’t tell you: The ratio of ladies to men is something like 1 woman for every 4 men. Why is this ratio so screwed up? Because a hot woman can meet men wherever she goes.

In fact, dozens of men approach HER for dates. So you’ll see less girls online dating than men. This means every woman is getting four times as many messages as her profile “deserves.” This makes your message “just one of a hundred.” Instead of something special or unique. To make her read your message, you gotta use some hacks: Make your messages look personal, and don’t hit on her right away.

Try using the subjectline: “Hey, noticed something about u…” Then use the message you learned in hack three.

Why the dating sites are hiding it from you:

Would you sign up for an online dating website if they told you “We have four times as many men as females!” Nope. Didn’t think so. You now have the tools to make online dating much, much easier. I can hear you thinking: “If only there were a way to “hack” real life dating, as well.”

A Facebook For Swingers? Why Kasidie is Better Than Adult Friend Finder

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 15:35:58 +0000

Sadly, most people think swinging is all about indiscriminate sex. This is the reason so many people join Adult Friend Finder, as they assume that “it’s the largest swingers dating site, so it must be the best place to hook up.” But there’s a reason why their average account lasts less than 4 months.

The little known truth about swinging is that you “come for the sex, but stay for the friendships.”

And that’s why in the lifestyle Adult Friend Finder is known as “every swingers first mistake” – we all saw the member counts, joined in hopes of hooking up and left with a hollow feeling.

The Dirty On Swinging… “Sexually Social”?

So why isn’t swinging just indiscriminate sex? For the same reason it wasn’t when you were in college. There has to be some physical and mental chemistry and a high level of mutual attraction to create an erotic, lustful situation where you want to have sex with someone. And that doesn’t happen with everyone. Not even with most. Few, in fact.

However, what you do find is a new group of people who are open-minded, uninhibited, flirtatious, highly social and just flat out fun to be around. So even though you may not have sexual energy with everyone, you find that you enjoy their company and like hanging out with them far more than your previous social network of neighbors, work colleagues, PTA members are other “vanilla’s”. And the more social you are, the more friends and acquaintances you make, the more likely it is that you will find some people from time to time with mutual attraction and with whom you do want to take the flirtation up a few notches to more salacious fun.

A dating site doesn’t help create or maintain a social network of friends. They simply don’t provide the tools necessary to do that. There needs to be a way to make friends, to manage parties and other social events, to chat with people and see what they are up to, and to join in with others who share similar interests. For vanillas, FaceBook.com does this very well and that’s the reason why people spend hours a day on the site; but when you’re connected to family, kids, work mates, church members, and others then there’s simply no way to use it for the more adventurous side of your life.

A New Kind Of Swinger’s Website

This is where Kasidie.com comes in. It’s a site built from the ground up as a social network for swingers, or as they call it, those of us who are “sexually social”: building communities and friendships with a wide variety of tools. Here you can search profiles and find people similar to yourselves, just like a dating site, but you can also form bilateral friendships, post rendezvous for spontaneous fun, join in on hundreds of parties and travel takeovers (or even host your own), become a member of any number of communities catering to interests as disparate as wine, food, sports, travel and sexuality, and build a base of friends and social activities that are geared to getting you out of the house and into flirtatious, erotic fun.

Check out Kasidie.com, you might just have the best time of your life.

Swinger Disaster – He Couldn’t Get It Up! Is All Lost?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 11:05:25 +0000

Swinging can be a fun and enjoyable way to expand your sexual relationship with your partner and spice up things in the bedroom.

Inexperienced swingers, however, may find that the first few times are a little nerve wracking, especially if it involves a group of people.

If you find yourself being nervous during a swinging session, you might need to back up a little bit until you get more comfortable.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My wife and I just experienced our first swinger encounter, I am a very lucky man in having a wife that is so open to this. She was great – I, however, was a little nervous – so nervous that I had a difficult time getting an erection (this has never happened before!). I don’t know if it was the fact that I was being watched by 15 people or what… Do you have any tips to help me over come this problem of not being able to step up to bat? Thank you.

–Adam, CO

Performance Anxiety

Some people get “performance anxiety.” This might happen when you’re alone with your partner, but it’s more likely to happen if you’re swinging with a couple or having a more voyeuristic adventure with more people.

You may find that you can’t get an erection or if you’re a woman, you may feel more shy and self conscious than before. It can be embarrassing, especially if you’re unable to get or maintain an erection, to have performance anxiety while swinging. What can you do?

Back Up A Little Bit

Stop and think about what might have made you uncomfortable while swinging. How did you feel? Were you nervous? Were you shy or self conscious? Were you wearing an outfit that was uncomfortable or you didn’t feel sexy in? Were there a number of people watching you swing?

Dig deep to find the culprit of your performance anxiety. There is a cause. Once you find it, you can begin to solve the problem so it doesn’t happen again. For example, if your swinging session involved more people than just the other couple you were swinging with, you can try swinging again with just one other person or perhaps just another couple.

If you were wearing an uncomfortable or unflattering outfit that made you feel self conscious or out of place, you can try swinging again while wearing something you feel really dynamite in. Don’t let one bout of performance anxiety turn you off from swinging forever.

Feeling Comfortable

For swinging to be successful, you need to feel comfortable. Knowing this beforehand allows you to ensure that you’re wearing something comfortable and you’re swinging with people you feel comfortable with, but too many couples find out too late that swinging requires a good deal of confidence and ease for it to turn out well.

If you’ve already had some performance anxiety or a bad swinging experience, take some time out to collect yourself and then try to get back in the groove. You can improve your body image by eating right and exercising if you’re feeling self conscious about yourself, or you can try to make swinger friends that you’re more comfortable with.

Talk with your partner about what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable so you can ensure your next swinging session will be more successful.

If you find that you have performance anxiety every time you swing, you might want to rethink the swinging aspect of your relationship. Swinging isn’t for everyone and that’s okay. If you find yourself uncomfortable and nervous every time, re-evaluate your need to swing and what is behind that.

You might be able to find something that enhances your relationship and your sex life that you’re a little more comfortable with than swinging.

Swinger Swap Gone Wrong! Can We Recover?

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 19:58:04 +0000

You’ve made the jump into swinging. Congratulations! It takes a lot of courage to make the foray into swinging.

There’s a reason for that though. Swinging doesn’t always work the way we hope it to.

What do you do when swinging goes wrong? What happens if there’s a rift between you and your partner after swinging? What do you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband got quite close to his client. They eventually became attracted to each other. All 4 of us became close socially. Eventually we began to talk about a swap. We went on a short holiday. Both of them were very close and comfy with each other. Her husband and I were not and the situation got very uncomfortable. Nothing happened between any of the couples. But our marriages have been affected. My husband is still close to her. And each day my emotions drive me crazy. We still go out as friends. But one day I’m ok with it, and another day I’m hurt that he puts her before me. I feel that her husband also goes thru what I’m going thru. It’s destroying me. What should I do?

– Samantha, Uganda

Swinging Gone Wrong

Most of the time, when swinging goes wrong it’s a jealousy issue. This can happen before you actually have sex, during or after. Even if your partner is just spending time with another person while you’re spending time with someone else as well, it can lead to jealousy and hurt feelings. This can be especially difficult to deal with if your foray into swinging isn’t as successful as your partner’s. You may feel left out or forgotten about.

If you’re experiencing any of these feelings, relax. They’re all normal feelings. Swinging isn’t for everyone and it may have taken a step in that direction for you to realize that swinging isn’t for you. Don’t dismiss your feelings because you think you “shouldn’t” have them, or that you “brought them on yourself” because you agreed to the swinging in the first place.

You reserve the right to change your mind about swinging at any point in time, any place, anywhere. If swinging starts making you feel uncomfortable, even if it didn’t at first, it’s perfectly fine to change your mind and stop the swinging.

Going In Reverse

If you’ve had a not so good experience with swinging, you have every right to put a stop to it. That may prevent any hurt feelings in the future, but what about the hurt you’re harboring now? Is your relationship doomed to failure now that you’ve introduced swinging into your lives?

Not necessarily

Your relationship is only going to be doomed if you let it. If you’re feeling hurt and upset about the swinging, it’s important that you talk to your partner about it. Let them know how you’re feeling without blaming your partner and without being critical. Talk about what happened and when you’re done talking, talk some more! Be open and honest in your communication.

The number one reason that swinging ends up destroying relationships is because one or both partners don’t communicate with each other. They’re not on the same page and they stay that way, because no one speaks up. Discuss with your partner what hurt you and find out what went wrong. Is there a way that it could be prevented in the future, should you decide to swing again?

By being on the same page as your partner and talking to each other about what went wrong with the swinging, you can begin to heal those hurt feelings. You can put the feelings of jealousy aside as your partner reassures you and together you can work to put aside what happened and begin to strengthen your relationship.

With open and honest communication, you can keep a bad swinging experience from ruining your relationship with your partner. If you decide never to swing again, that’s your prerogative. It’s important to understand that swinging isn’t for everyone and as long as you and your partner are open with each other, you can both come out having learned a lot!

Do You Have What it Takes to Be Swingers?

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 12:19:59 +0000

If you’re looking to spice up your sex life, you might be looking into swinging. Swinging with a third person or even another couple can bring a new aspect of fun and excitement into your sex life that you never thought possible.

Some couples aren’t ready for swinging. You have to be comfortable, confident and above all, open and honest with each other. Do you have what it takes to be swingers?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have a huge dilemma. My wife and I are very sexual, and have discussed at length our interest in the swinging lifestyle. We are both dying to explore the beginning stages, but have a problem. Besides being totally inexperienced, we are not physically fit and although we are very fun and engaging and have a lot of social adventures, we feel too uncomfortable to approach others. We want to watch real people have sex in front of us, but not participate.

Is there an outlet for this with real people? I know it’s hypocritical, but we would like to see attractive people, and people we connect with emotionally, but we don’t feel we have what it takes to get others to want to share themselves with us. What should we do?

– Jay, NC

Being Comfortable With Yourself

Swingers come in all shapes, sizes and colors. The swingers you see in pornography and on television shows aren’t the only swingers out there in real life. Swingers can be anyone, your frumpy next door neighbors or even your bald boss. You’re going to find a great mix of people from all walks of life when you start exploring swinging.

You may feel that you’re not attractive enough to swing, or that no other couple is going to be interested in what you have to offer. That’s not true! It takes time and effort to find another person or couple that you’re compatible with, but that doesn’t mean you never will.

The first step to swinging is getting comfortable with yourself. Now that you understand that swingers don’t all look like television actors and actresses, you can begin to become confident enough with yourself that you aren’t worried about what you look like or what other people look like.

You can always change your physical appearance. You can lose weight, tone up, even dye your hair. Why do that, though? If you’re not confident with you, the swinging life is going to fizzle fast. Learn to accept yourself for who you are and what you look like, and realize that you’re attractive to your partner and you’re going to be attractive to others as well.

Getting Your Feet Wet

You don’t have to start swinging immediately when you start working yourself into that lifestyle. If you find a couple you’re attracted to and vice versa and you want to jump in, go ahead. Many people, however, just want to get their feet wet at first. You can do this a number of ways.

Believe it or not, there are a great number of “swingers clubs” all over the country. Some are simply clubs that allow swingers to meet, while others are set up to allow for sex on the premises.

Either way, they’re a great way to get involved in swinging. Whether you’re watching someone have sex or someone’s watching you have sex, you can find out how you feel about swinging without actually going through with it! Plus, you can meet some great couples and friends.

You can also find websites that are similar to dating websites, but they’re designed for swingers. You can post a profile and photos as well as browse other profiles and photos. It’s a great way to meet swingers, get yourself introduced and get to know them.

Just don’t forget to take it offline when you’re ready. You can’t have a swinging relationship exclusively on the computer! With a great, confident attitude, an open and honest relationship with your partner, and an unbiased look on meeting swingers and getting to know them, you have exactly what it takes to be a swinger!

So You Want To Be Swingers? Here’s How to Get Started

Greg & Sheryl — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 13:50:27 +0000

As experienced swingers, the most common question we receive from those looking to get into the lifestyle is, “How do we start?”

Where to look

Thanks to the internet, it is easier to become a swinger than ever before. As recently as the mid-1990’s, the most common way was by purchasing a contact magazine, usually at a seedy adult bookstore, and then mailing letters to the people who advertised therein.

Swing clubs have existed since the 1970’s, but the only way you could find out about them was by word of mouth or through advertisements in underground publications. Today, the road to becoming a swinger starts with the click of a mouse.

Whether you are looking for a classy swing club, a private house party, or a couple in your city, all of these things can be found on the internet. For those looking to dive right in, clubs and parties are the best way to meet a number of potential playmates on any given night.

For those who prefer a slower, more relaxed approach, your best bet is to place on ad on a swinger’s contact website such as our favorite, Adult Friend Finder. However, meeting people through on online ad requires a great amount of patience.

Swing clubs

Regarding swing clubs, if you live in a large city, you might have a choice between an on-premise club and an off-premise club. An on-premise club is where the sex actually takes place at the facility, whereas sex does not take place at an off-premise club. Off-premises clubs typically hold social events at hotel ballrooms, but those who want to play can usually rent a discounted guest room at that hotel. We usually recommend off-premise clubs to newbies who are worried about being pressured to have sex before they’re ready.

Clubs in your area can be found by utilizing your favorite search engine with the key words “swing clubs” along with the name of your home state or the nearest major city. That should lead you to a list a clubs with links to their websites. Check out those sites and see which one might be write for you. If you have any questions or concerns, don’t be afraid to call or email the club for additional information.

Private swing parties

Private swing parties are a little more difficult to find, because so many of them advertise through word-of mouth. For the most part, you won’t hear about these parties until you’ve worked you way into certain social circles. However, some of these parties are advertised online, often through Craigslist or social networking sites such as Yahoo! Groups. Also, some swingers contact websites have a listing of local parties in your area.

Types of swing parties

There are two basic types of private swing parties: the house party and the hotel party. Swinger house parties are held in private residences and operate just like vanilla house parties with one exception: if you happen to find someone you are attracted to, there is no shame in heading to a bedroom and having sex with that person. Swinger hotel parties are a little more hardcore. At some of them, you are expected to lose your clothes at the door. Because of this, house parties are a safer start for those just getting into the lifestyle.

Placing an advertisement on a contact website can be a time-consuming process, but it is a good alternative for those who don’t care for the large crowds and loud music which can be characteristic of clubs and parties.

Placing an ad online

The biggest challenge is putting together your online profile, which is your introduction to the rest of the swinging world. Your profile should be very specific in describing yourself and what you’re looking for. Ads with photos get better responses, so it’s best to also post some clear, recent pictures. If you are concerned about privacy, it’s acceptable to either use photos that don’t show your face, or to use photo editing software to remove your face from the pictures.

Furthermore, it’s very important that your profile be as honest as possible in your profile, because lying about your age, weight or endowment will not get you anywhere once the truth is revealed. Also, we recommend that you keep your profile sounding positive by listed the things you like rather than all the things you don’t like. A long list of dislikes makes you come across like a negative person.

Once your ad is placed

Once your profile is posted, take some time to browse through the other profiles to see if there is anyone who catches your eye. When it come to initiating contact, make sure you write to only those whose criteria you fit. Once you’ve established a correspondence, try to arrange a meeting fairly quickly so that you don’t get caught up in an endless cycle of emails.

It’s best to meet others for the first time in a public place for drinks or a snack so that you can get to know each other better and see if there’s any chemistry there. Some swingers enjoy playing on the first date, but if that’s not your desire, you can schedule a play date for later.

A warning

Be forewarned that there are a lot of advertisers on contact websites who are not truly serious about getting into the lifestyle. Thus, you will probably have to weed through a lot of these people just to find a potential playmate that is sincere. But with perseverance, you should be able to meet someone who is willing to introduce you into the lifestyle.

Also, regardless of what path you take to become a swinger, don’t be afraid to ask experienced swingers for tips and tricks on how to navigate the lifestyle waters. Swinging is not for everyone, but it can lead to a lifetime of fun for many of us.

New Swinger Concern – What If We Can’t Agree?

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 14:50:25 +0000

If you’re new to the swinging game, picking a partner that satisfies you and your husband or wife can seem kind of intimidating.

You’re not alone! You’re right to be a little nervous about picking a swinging partner, especially if it’s your first time.

You need to pick a swinging partner that you are both comfortable with and attracted to, or trouble can brew. If you and your partner can’t agree on who to swing with, should you compromise?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My wife and I want to get into swinging. We’ve been talking about it for a little over 2 years now. She was the one who approached me with the idea. We have joined a swing site but the problem is that my wife doesn’t like my taste in woman.

I’m not into super thin women I like a woman with a little belly but not huge. Let me say this before judging me on this not that you would. My wife is not small but not huge either, I love her dearly, but she always wants me to pick a woman that is larger then her or the same size. But when she picks the man she wants I never question her on it. Its just sex I’m not looking to replace her.

Am I wrong for wanting a woman that I’m more physically attracted with?

- Aaron, Ohio

Her fears.

If you find a swinging partner that you’re attracted to, but your partner vetoes your decision, it might frustrate you especially if it happens more than once. If this is something that you’re dealing with, take heart.

Many women are afraid of their husbands picking a swinging partner that is more attractive than them, and they might even be afraid that you’ll like the swinging partner more than her.

These are completely normal fears and although they generally stem from deeper self esteem issues, your wife is not the first woman who has felt this way about swinging. Even women who are into swinging can have these doubts, so it’s important that if your partner is feeling this way that you cut her some slack.

Try to understand where she is coming from.

Is she really okay with swinging?

If your partner repeatedly vetoes your swinging partner suggestions, there may be something more to the equation than what meets the eye. It might be a subconscious signal that she really doesn’t want to start swinging. If this is something you suspect, it’s important that you have a discussion with her about swinging before actually doing the deed.

As with any time swinging comes up, it’s essential that you talk to each other and talk some more. Talk before and after you swing, and even during if you need to! Open lines of communication are a must when it comes to swinging.

Talk to your partner and find out if she really is okay with swinging. Don’t be judgmental. If she was into swinging before and has decided that perhaps she’d like to wait or if she isn’t interested anymore, that’s okay. Don’t criticize her for it, because she has the right to change her mind about how she feels about swinging at any time. So do you!

Making her comfortable.

If your partner just seems uncomfortable with your choices in swinging partners, let her choose a partner. It may not be someone you’re really attracted to at first, but if she is, that’s an important first step. Letting your partner choose who you swing with the first few times can go a long way into getting her warmed up to the swinging idea. Perhaps you and your partner can work out an agreement about who gets to choose the partner and when.

Since many women are afraid of their husbands finding more pleasure in the swinging partner than them, you can build trust with her by proving to her that you’re not out to do that. Once the trust has been established, she will more than likely become more comfortable with your choices in swinging partners. Just remember communication is the key to making swinging work! Talk to each other endlessly and make sure that every avenue has been discussed in full before taking the plunge.

Thinking of Having a Threesome? Why Not Make It A Foursome…

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 14:15:41 +0000

You and your partner have decided to have a threesome. You may even have someone in mind that you and your partner have both agreed on.

If you’re about to take the plunge into the world of multiple partner sex, you may have a few questions on how to do it safely.

Congratulations! Not everyone has safety on their mind before having a threesome. Here are some great ways to have safety in numbers.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Just wanted to say I think it is great what you two do. My question is my girlfriend and I want to have a threesome with another female and we have one lined up. I know to use a condom but what about oral and other kinds of play? We don’t want to come home with some kind of STD.

Do you have any advice for protection?

- John, CA

Getting Tested

The first and foremost thing you should do if you’re planning to have a threesome is get tested for sexually transmitted diseases. All parties involved should have this done.

Your doctor can do this for you, or a local health department can. Have the clinic print something for you that shows your STD status and let all parties involved have a look. This is truly the best way to avoid contracting sexually transmitted diseases when having a threesome.

Sometimes, a threesome is not monogamous and this can substantially shake things up. If you can’t secure a regular threesome partner or if it’s not just a one time thing, you’ll want to take extra safety precautions.

Stepping Up The Safety Factor

- Use latex condoms, or condoms from another material if someone is allergic to latex. Female condoms are great too. Use condoms during sexual intercourse, anal sex and even during oral sex and hand to penis stimulation. While this may not sound enticing, make sure you have a bottle of lubricant with you. Lubricant can go a long way to making latex feel more natural and pleasurable.

- Use latex or vinyl gloves. If you’re going do be doing any play with your hands that involves touching the penis, vagina or anus, protect your hands and their genitals by using latex gloves or gloves of another material.

- Use dental dams or at the very least, plastic wrap when giving a woman oral sex. These both work well to protect the mouth from any vaginal secretions. The trick to using dental dams or plastic wrap is putting a few drops of lubricant on the underside of the plastic square (the side that faces the vagina) and leaving the side that faces the mouth clean. This will help increase the pleasure of oral sex.

These things aren’t going to keep you from contracting every sexually transmitted disease on the planet, but it will reduce your risk of exposure a great deal. Remember that pubic lice, scabies, genital herpes and genital warts can all be spread by skin to skin contact.

Even if you’re wearing a condom, if there’s a genital sore on the upper part of the genitals and this is something you come into contact with, you run the risk of contracting the STD.

Communication

It is essential that you communicate frequently with all parties that are to be involved in the threesome. Talk before the threesome, during and even after. Address what actions are acceptable and what aren’t. Stick to these guidelines during the threesome. Don’t put anyone in a position where they could possibly contract a sexually transmitted disease just for your own pleasure.

Keeping the lines of communication open can seem awkward, but it is essential for a successful threesome. If you’re smart and safe, you and your partner can have a great time with your new partner.

How To Ease Into Swinging So That You’re Both Comfortable

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 13:31:15 +0000

So you and your partner are thinking about swinging. Whether you’ve tried it once before or this is your first time, it can be nerve wracking when trying to ease yourself into the swinging lifestyle.

How can you start swinging slowly, and in a way that makes both partners completely comfortable?

While the only rules for swinging for you are set by you and your partner, there are some general guidelines that can help make things easier for the both of you.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My fiancée and I are talking about trying the swinging lifestyle and we are a little unsure of how to start and move into it gradually so that everyone is comfortable. What do you suggest?

- Randa, Alabama

Ease Into It

Getting involved in the swinging lifestyle slowly is probably the best way to go about it. It’s great if you and your partner have made this decision together before starting to swing, instead of getting caught in the moment before having discussed the topic. The most important thing you can do when considering swinging is talk about it. Talk about every aspect of swinging, even if it seems like a small issue.

Ask some important questions. Why do you want to swing? What turns you on about swinging? Discuss with your partner how you feel about swinging and listen to them as well. It’s extremely vital that you both are on the same page before you take the plunge! You should also evaluate your relationship as it stands before you venture into the swinging lifestyle. If your relationship is in any way in trouble, swinging is not going to help! You need a strong relationship foundation before you start swinging with your partner.

Make The Rules Clear!

When discussing swinging with your partner, it’s important that you hash out the details. Decide what is appropriate during swinging and what isn’t. You don’t want to be in the heat of the moment and not know if something is okay, or to have to stop and ask permission.

Or worse, you could do something that offends your partner or makes them uncomfortable without knowing beforehand whether that particular action was okay or not. Sit down with your partner and really go over what you feel is okay during a swinging session and what is off limits. You’ll both be happier in the end that you agreed on the details before you started swinging.

Find A Couple That Matches Your Style

It is just as important to find a couple into swinging that shares your same interests as it is to talk about swinging first. If you’re new to swinging, you might try to find a couple that is also new to swinging, or at least find a couple that is sensitive to those trying it for the first time.

Find a couple that you can talk to about what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable, and how to handle things as they arise. You’ll need to be able to communicate both between each other as well as with the members of the other couple, so make sure you find a couple that you’re comfortable talking to!

Above all, you need to talk to your partner. Talk and talk some more! You can make swinging much easier and much more comfortable for you both to get into if you’re both on the same page when it comes to what is okay and what isn’t. Talk to each other as you experience swinging as well – as long as you keep the lines of communication open between everyone involved, you can set yourself up for fun and exciting swinging.

How Do I Get Past My First Time Swinger Fears?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 26 May 2008 14:21:21 +0000

Many couples, especially those who have been together for a long time, are interested in swinging. If you and your partner find yourselves interested in swinging, take heart.

It’s totally normal and healthy to want to experience your sexuality outside of your current relationship.

It’s also normal to be scared. There are a lot of ways that swinging can go wrong, especially if it’s something you’ve never done before. How can you get over your fears? Is swinging right for you?

Make sure swinging is right for you.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband wants to start swinging, I would like too also but I was a virgin when we met at 15yrs old… and now 37yrs old to be with another man seems so weird and scary. How do I get past my nerves and fears?

- Sandy, Las Vegas

Making sure swinging is right for you

Swinging isn’t right for every couple. If the idea of swinging makes you and your partner feel extraordinarily uncomfortable, it’s certainly not something you have to force yourself to do. If you and your partner are, however, interested in swinging, there are a few things you need to look at first before taking the plunge.

Are you both interested in swinging or is one partner pushing the other to do it? If both partners aren’t equally interested in swinging, it could make for a disaster later on down the road when you’ve met up with another couple. Talk to each other and make sure you’re both on the same page.

Is your relationship based on a solid foundation? If it is, you have more of a chance of successfully swinging. If your relationship has trust issues or self esteem issues embedded deep within, you might end up making things worse for yourselves. If you have issues, work them out before you start swinging.

Take it slowly.

If you and your partner have decided to swing, but never have before, it’s important to take things slowly — very slowly! Jumping in to a full on swinging session when you’re not even familiar with the situation can make one or both partners feel very uncomfortable.

Start slow so you and your partner can really get a feel for what swinging is like, without having to jump in right away. Visit swinging clubs in your area just to watch, or get on a swinging website to ask questions and get to know real couples who like to swing.

If you’re uncomfortable at all, say so!

You can use a code word with your partner or you can simply whisper in their ear, but if you’re uncomfortable it’s important that you speak up right then! There’s no sense in letting something that makes you uncomfortable go on and on and then getting mad about it later. That will most certainly ruin swinging for both you and your partner.

If you know beforehand what types of activities will make you uncomfortable, make it known before you take the plunge into swinging. That way things that make you uncomfortable can be avoided.

All in all, swinging can be a lot of fun if it’s done with the right couple, if your relationship is strong and if you feel confident enough to voice your concerns if something doesn’t feel right to you. You can set yourself up for swinging success and get over your fears by taking it slow and not doing anything that would put you in a compromising position.

Just relax and have fun, and you’ll be surprised where swinging with your partner can take you!

Hey, Are You Guys Swingers?

Kasidie Swinger Lifestyle Magazine — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:35:50 +0000

We have heard so many stories about couples that were confronted or “outed” by friends, family or co-workers about their “lifestyle” and they simply didn’t know what to say. Caught off guard, they stumbled, mumbled and bumbled through their explanation, leaving little or no doubt that they were indeed “Swingers”.

“If my (mother, boss, kids, etc…) knew what we do… they’d disown us! It would be a disaster!”

We have heard it 1,000 times. Interestingly, in most instances the opposite is the case. A countless number of couples have told us that when their family and friends did find out, things actually got better, not worse.

Coming Clean

In our case, Tess thought her conservative family would freak out if they discovered our personal lives (and our lifestyle related business!). Then, one New Year’s Day, we awoke to a phone call from her mom. Still groggy, Tess stepped over several of our naked friends, still sleeping from the house party the night before, and answered the phone.

After a quick “Happy New Year!”, her mom got right to the point – “Do you throw sex parties?” Stunned, Tess sunk into a chair and started to explain our “lifestyle” convention business and the rest of our “lifestyle” in more depth. Her mom didn’t say much and only asked a few questions, allowing Tess to fully explain, that morning, the secret part of our lives we had been living over the past 13 years.

…her mom got right to the point –
“Do you throw sex parties?”

When she thought she was finished, she braced for the onslaught she always knew would come her way, if or when her family found out. After a brief (but excruciating) moment of silence, her mom finally said, “Now everything makes sense.”

Apparently her mom had held a grudge for years, because she’d hear we were going to Jamaica, Mexico, Las Vegas, Miami, Chicago, Toronto, etc… She couldn’t figure out why we didn’t have more time to visit her while having plenty of time to vacation all around the world. Once she found out that these trips were actually business trips, she was more understanding. As a result, Tess and her mom grew closer.

I attribute a lot of that to simple communication. Once that weight was lifted from Tess’ shoulders, she and her mom talked a lot more often, and openly. We ended up visiting her more frequently. Her mom still doesn’t really understand why we would be interested in a “lifestyle” like ours, but I can tell you that she respects us both more now than before our secret came out.

More People Should Be Open

I wish more people could be open about their lifestyle choices and be accepted for who they are. I think many people are more accepting than we give them credit for. I think that many of our friends would accept us if they knew more about our lifestyle and I think some might even join us at a party or look into it themselves.

I’m not naive enough to think that every swinger would experience the same reaction from their family, friends or co-workers. I know some couples who have had their families petition courts for child custody, who have lost their jobs or, in extreme cases, have had criminal charges filed against them. It isn’t always rosy out there in the real world.

So what do you do when you think that someone would create a problem for you if they found out? You have to be prepared with your answers before you are confronted. What if you go to a swing club one weekend with your partner and then on Monday someone asks you both, “So what did you two do this weekend?” One of you blurts our “We went skiing” while the other one simultaneously says “We stayed home all weekend”… Busted!

The Swinger’s Alibi

You have to get your stories together before getting into that compromising situation. If you spent a week at Hedonism III Resort in Jamaica, you could jump out of the bus at Breezes for a few minutes to snap some pictures that you can show to your friends and family when you get home. You could buy a couple of postcards or T-shirts in the gift shop. Make sure you get a brochure so you can at least familiarize yourself with the photos of the property.

Better yet, tell them you bought the Superclubs “Superselect” package. It allows you to book at a super low rate and then Superclubs will randomly send you to one of their resorts once you land in Jamaica. You can then explain how shocked you were when they told you you had been chosen to go to Hedonism III instead of Grand Lido or Breezes.

This is a good way to admit to being at Hedo without it being your choice. It is also a good way to explain that Hedonism really wasn’t that crazy and that you were able to enjoy yourself on the “prude” side all week. You could even say how surprised you were by how nice and normal all the other guests at Hedo were… If they only knew!!!

Keeping Your Private Life Private

The main point is to have a clear and detailed story to fall back on. You are just trying to keep your private life private. But if a friend or family member thinks you’re not telling the truth, they are going to wonder what you are hiding. A boss might put up red flags that could hurt your performance reviews or advancement opportunities. The more organized you are as a team, the less questions you’ll have to field.

The “Shaggy” Defense

What happens if you are caught red handed? Just take a lesson from Shaggy (the hip-hop artist, not Scooby-Doo’s pal).

We knew a couple that had checked in a few days early for one of our lifestyle conventions. They were eager to see New Orleans and wanted to spend a few days sightseeing before the party got started. Unfortunately for them, a co-worker saw them driving up to the hotel check in.

They ran into the co-worker the following week. Here is how the conversation went:

Co-worker: “Hey, we saw you driving up to the Holiday Inn in New Orleans last week. Did you know they were having a swingers convention there?”

Couple: “It wasn’t me.”

Co-worker: “Yes, I saw you guys, you were in your new white SUV.”

Couple: “It wasn’t me”

Co-worker: “But I saw your dog, Angel, sitting on your lap. It had to be you.”

Couple: “It wasn’t me.”

You get the picture. Eventually, the co-worker actually believed he must have been seeing things. He was positive it was them, but it couldn’t have been if they were so adamant that they weren’t there. Sometimes those eyes do play tricks on us.

Those are three basic ways to handle unexpected questions. You can just admit to being a swinger and deal with the repercussions, you can come up with an alibi and keep your life private or you can simply deny, deny, deny.

Always be prepared for the unexpected moment when you have to decide on which avenue you are going to take. Stumbling, mumbling and bumbling through your answer will only make it obvious to everyone that you are indeed swingers.

Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” Strategy in Action

Brought to you by Kasidie Swinger Lifestyle Magazine. To find swinger sex partners in your area, check out our favorite adult personals website.

Virgin Male Swinger – Are My First Time Fears Normal?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 15:39:29 +0000

What guy hasn’t fantasized about a threesome?

Even married guys have the occasional “swinging” wet dream now and then.

However, facing the realities of actually sharing the love of your life with another man or woman for the first time gives rise to questions and insecurities that were never there before. How do you deal with them in a way that satisfies both partners?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I’ve fallen deeply in love with the woman of my dreams who happens to be bisexual but also an experienced swinger. I myself have fantasized about such things but have little experience. I am confused by my emotions of seeing my lady with another man. Although I am not bi I’m willing to experiment with another male for her, and its a funny thing that this causes less stress then seeing her with another man. I have no fear of sharing another woman with her, so why should sharing another man with her cause such worry? But it’s in the past why should it matter now? Is this a common fear for virgin male swingers like myself?

–Ric, London

Common First Time Swinger Concerns

If you find yourself in this situation for the first time, take a deep breath and relax. Really examine your feelings about swinging in general as well as your feelings about swinging with your current partner. Are you experiencing feelings of jealousy or insecurity?

These feelings are extremely normal when it comes to swinging for the first time, but it’s important to carefully consider each emotion and where it is coming from. If you’re insecure about your body, what can be done to make you feel better about yourself?

Do you have deeper seated jealousy issues that reflect feelings of ownership and control over your partner? You might not like the answers to these questions, but now is the time to be brutally honest with yourself.

Talk About It With Your Partner

It may be an uncomfortable conversation, but it’s important to chat a bit about what each of you are feeling before you take the swinging plunge. Are you concerned that your partner has done it before in the past? Are you unsure of how you’ll feel after the fact?

Take time to listen to what each of you has to say. Now is not the time to hold back feelings, emotions, ideas or opinions. If you don’t voice what you are thinking now, it most certainly will come back to haunt you after the fact. Perhaps you can come to an agreement about the how, when and where the swinging will take place – and most important of all, with whom.

Many experienced swingers caution against swinging with close friends, as feelings of jealousy, rage and insecurity can rip apart a friendship faster than a kid opening presents at Christmas.

Try It

The only way to be sure of how swinging will affect your relationship is to actually do it. That doesn’t mean you have to, but keep in mind that you will never know until you know.

After talking about the situation with your partner, you may have come to an agreement with them about swinging.If you feel that your relationship is strong enough to survive the possible outcomes of swinging, absolutely go for it. It might be more fun than you thought.

Just make sure that if you and your partner have set guidelines for each other, make sure to follow them to a T, even when you’re in the heat of the moment.

More importantly, discuss how you felt during the swinging with your partner afterwards. Were you uncomfortable? Were you unable to concentrate on pleasure because you were so overwhelmed with emotions?

If that’s the case, consider putting swinging on the shelf. If you were both comfortable with the situation and swinging was pleasurable for each partner, it may be something that you do on occasion. Just remember – what works for other couples might not work for you and vice versa. Stick with what is successful for your relationship because ultimately, it’s yours.

When Swinger Sex Goes Horribly Wrong…

Melody Brooke — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 16:25:45 +0000

Threesomes and swinging are on most male fantasy lists, but what happens when it goes horribly wrong?

Over the course of my three marriages I have been encouraged by husbands to engage in a variety of interesting (and some downright bizarre) possible sexual behaviors. Of course, I tended to marry sex addicts, so the range of possibilities stretched a lot further than my sensibilities.

Along the way, I’ve been “encouraged” to participate in all kinds of things that became problems later on. Some of these were physically not a good idea, and I won’t go into that!

My first husband liked fantasies. I am quite creative so I was able to come up with all kinds of fun and innocent stories to keep him excited. I became good at playing the part and keeping things spicy – nothing dangerous or problematic there. But then eventually with some of the stories, he liked the idea of making them happen. These included other people.

While I can appreciate the desire to add spice and variety to the bedroom, I’ve discovered through my own (and others) experiences, there are some kinds of behaviors that are a set up for disaster. When you open the door and invite another person into the intimate connection with your partner you are inviting in trouble.

Now, in theory, I will conjecture that there are couples secure enough with each other where they can have flings with other people and not do any perceivable damage to their relationship. I’ve just never seen it happen that way personally…

Dan and Jennifer’s comments:

While this is one experience, Dan and I have seen many successful open/swinging relationships… Even though we don’t agree with with everything in this article, we wanted to publish it to show what can happen when you get into swinging for the wrong reasons.

It is critical to be honest with yourself and you partner. Never allow another person to ‘push’ you into something that you’re not comfortable with. For a swinging relationship to be successful, it has to be something that both partners want, not just grudgingly agree to.

What tends to happen is that one member of the couple is more motivated than the other to pursue the “Swinger” lifestyle. For whatever reason, having one sexual partner for the rest of their life is not appealing, but they like having a life partner.

Therefore that partner encourages the other to participate in this “exciting” adventure of “Swinging”. Then both partners agree to it using certain ground rules.

Unfortunately, most of us are driven by feelings and impulses that have little to do with rational thought. So then here we are, for whatever reason, in a three or four-some with our significant other being sexual, or maybe we are just swapping. Either way, we have added unpredictable dimensions into the intimate setting of our sexual and personal relationship with our partner.

What’s predictable about it is that someone will end up hurt. The “ground rules” will be broken and someone ends up feeling betrayed and hurt. But, because the boundaries of the relationships fidelity were broken by the entire process of “Swinging” already, the “acting out” partner feels like they have done nothing “wrong”.

Dan and Jennifer’s comments:

This is where we completely disagree. It is NOT guaranteed that someone will get hurt.

In a swinging relationship, the only time someone gets hurt is when one person breaks the rules or is dishonest, or is not open about their feelings. It’s critical to communicate openly and honestly about your feelings before, during, and after any sexual experience with another individual or couple.

We can’t say this enough! Swinging or Open Relationships are only for couples who are VERY secure in their relationship and have enough self confidence to prevent jealousy issues. Swinging is NOT a relationship fix…

After all, the injured partner already said it’s “okay” to have sex with other people.

Often this ends the relationship and on painful terms, at least for the partner whose ground rules were broken.

Linda and Mark had been dating for about four years, and they had a very active, passionate sex life. Mark had encouraged Linda to try all kind of things that had been outside the range of her previous history, but because they pleased Mark, Linda enjoyed them. Over time, Mark pushed the boundaries even further. He wanted to experience having sex with two women at one time.

Linda admitted to being curious about what that would be like, so they found a willing partner. For a while, they enjoyed this three-some with jubilance and it added a lot to their excitement for each other. When they were not having sex with her, they were fantasizing about having sex with her. Before long, though, Linda found herself wanting time with the girl alone, without Mark. She didn’t see the harm in it, after all, having sex with another woman was not breaking their marital vows was it?

Unfortunately, Mark did not feel that way when he found them together one night when he arrived home early from work. Mark felt betrayed and could never look at Linda the same way again. Their relationship did not survive.

Dan and Jennifer’s comments:

Duh! Are we the only ones who see the problem here? Cheating is a breaking of trust. Having sex with another person without your partners agreement is cheating! Had she talked to Mark about her feelings, this situation could have been avoided all together.

So to us, this example represents an underlying communication issue. Linda did not feel comfortable sharing her feelings with Mark. That’s what broke them up – not the other girl…

Jane and Richard had been married for about three years when Richard started pushing Jane to go to “Swingers clubs” and see if there was a couple that they both agreed they’d like to engage in sex with. Jane was uncertain, but she went and eventually did find a couple they agreed upon. Richard loved this and told Jane how crazy he was about her and that he was really happy.

Richard bought Jane gifts and seemed to be happier than Jane had ever seen him. She felt good about her choices. One night they went to a bar together, to meet yet another potential “Swinger” couple. But this time only the woman was there. Richard became flirtatious and “handsy” with the other woman. He would pat Jane reassuringly occasionally.

Jane’s heart was broken. From this point, she tried to pull back and change the “ground rules” for their relationship. Richard wouldn’t hear of it, and decided they should separate and re-evaluate their relationship.

Dan and Jennifer’s comments:

So why was Jane’s heart broken? What was she expecting – a night of poker? They were going to meet swingers…

Did she tell him how his made her feel at the time, or did she just get jealous and brood over it the whole evening?

If you’re ever in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable – deal with right then. Letting an issue fester over night, or for days, can ruin your relationship because the jealousy monster takes over pretty quickly and likes to stay in control. Also, rather than backing away completely, perhaps Jane could have expressed her feelings in a non-threatening way and asked Richard to not do that again.

I feel that there’s more to this story than what we’re being told here. It’s rarely one incident that turns the tide…

Again – talk, talk, talk!!! Most of these issues could easily be avoided with a little honestly and open communication.

In both cases, the “Swinging” started out as something “fun and exciting” and ended up breaking hearts. Why?

For one thing, the relationships we have are fragile gifts not to be toyed with in the way we sometimes have a tendency to do. Our connections are more fragile than we think they are and our ability to let someone into our innermost layers is dependent on a lot of factors.

To learn more about the swinger lifestyle check out our Swinger Sex Channel for tons of great articles and videos.

To find swinger sex partners in your area, check out our favorite adult personals website.

Are There Any Good Free Dating Sites?

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 02:42:32 +0000

So you’ve decided to try online dating, but where do you look?

Online dating services are popping up daily on the internet, making the decision of choosing the “right” dating service a bit overwhelming.

More importantly, are there any good FREE dating sites or do you have to pull out your credit card? Here’s a question from Jeff in North Carolina who is very frustrated with the ‘free’ dating site options…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve been looking on-line now for two months to find a real woman. All I get is nothing…

Free sites. What the heck do they think free means? I’m not giving anyone money for sex.

My question : Is there a place I can go to get free date or sex sites?

–Jeff, North Carolina

Are There Any Good Free Dating or Sex Sites?

I have one thing to say on this… “You get what you pay for” — You don’t go around bumming beer and food and you wouldn’t expect to get a free lunch when you walk into a restaurant! If you do, I doubt you’ll have much success at it. In our society, you typically get what you pay for. That’s basically what it comes down to.

The sex market, especially, is way too big. Just imagine going into a 7-11 and saying, “Hey I’d like a copy of playboy magazine and I want you to give it to me for free!”. They’ll probably laugh you out of the store. So asking for a good quality, and free, sex dating site is asking a lot.

Having said that, there are some free dating sites out there. Plentyoffish.com is a good example. It’s one of the most popular free dating sites out there. You can find others by going to Google and searching for ‘free online dating site’.

Just remember… These sites have to make there money somehow. What you’ll most likely find are lots and advertisements and promotional offers. There’s nothing wrong with this, it’s just the ‘free’ business model. With free sites, you’ll also see more spammers and ‘cam girls’ because they normally don’t have the infrastructure to really check people out and make sure they’re for real – you’ll have to do that yourself. So you see, even with ‘free’ sites, there is a price to pay.

Why not invest $30 and get it over with? You’re eventually going to have to pay for a date, coffee, or something eventually. It’s well worth the extra time to find 2 or 3 dating sites that fit your personality and offer the services that you are looking for. Once you’ve chosen a few, sign up for each of them. It only takes a little extra time and you’re sure to meet different people on each of the different sites.

Tips for Finding an Online Dating Website

Here are some excellent tips for finding a service that will best match your needs (from “Online Dating – Finding Love Online”):

1. Try to choose an online dating service that has been around for a couple of years.

The best way to find out how long a website has been around is to go to the website’s “About Us” page where you will learn not only the date the site was started but also the company’s philosophy. Another good source of information is the “FAQ”, or frequently asked questions page on the website.

2. Look for an online dating service that offers a free trial

Quality sites will allow you to browse profiles and photos before you join, or a service that offers a free trial period so you can talk to people that you are interested in meeting before you have to pay.

3. For safety and convenience, look for online dating services that offer onsite messaging and e-mail services.

This will allow you to communicate with people using a special email provided by the dating service instead of using your personal email or IM (instant message) ID. You should stay anonymous, at least at first. You may want to use a free email account, such as Yahoo! Mail or Hotmail, to reduce the possibility of spam to your regular email box.

4. Make sure the dating service offers secure payment methods.

Also, look at the type of payments accepted (credit card, check, money order, PayPal, etc.) to ensure the options work for you.

To Pay or Not To Pay

Today, almost all dating sites require you to “pay before you play”. What I mean by this is that you can typically create your profile and browse other profiles for free, but if you want to talk to someone, be ready to hand over your credit card.

Here are some of the different types of membership options you’ll find and what you can expect from each:

Free Memberships

Most online dating sites offer free memberships so you can try before you buy with absolutely no obligation to ever become a paid subscriber. This gives you a chance to check out the service, see what it offers and can help you decide whether or not it is the one for you. Most free memberships are limited.

A “free” membership allows you to create a profile, search, and browse other member profiles. This type of membership rarely lets you initiate email contact, respond to email messages or use the instant messaging system. You will have to pay if you want to really communicate with someone.

Trial Memberships

Trial memberships are still free, but you get to use the full service for a limited amount of time, usually anywhere from 3 to 14 days. Once your trial time is up you’ll need to subscribe if you want to continue using the service, or you will be automatically billed at the end of your trial period (this is the most common approach) – make sure to read the terms of the trial membership so that you fully understand what is required of you.

Paid Subscription

To truly get the best out of online dating, I recommend signing up for a trial membership on several sites to get a feel for the ones that best meet your needs. Pick 1 to 3 sites that you really like, join these sites, and cancel your free memberships at the other sites.

Important Note: Most dating sites have a subscription that is auto-renewed like your car insurance or internet service. You will need to cancel your account to prevent further billing.

Once you pay the required fee, you’ll be able to do more detailed searches, make use of any matchmaking tools that the site offers, and you’ll also have unlimited email and instant message privileges, which is very important if you really want to get to know someone better. Some dating sites will even alert you by mail if anyone new signs up matching your criteria or if someone looks at your profile. This alone can save you a lot of time in your search for that perfect partner.

For your own protection, make sure the sites you join have a privacy policy, guaranteeing that they won’t reveal any information about you to anyone without your say-so.

For more great online dating tips, check out “Online Dating – Finding Love Online”.

Sinners in the Bible Belt? Sex, Swingers, and Religion…

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 16:38:32 +0000

Who would have thought that Texas, the conservative Republican state, is 2nd In the Nation on Sex Seeking Enthusiasts?

While Texas may be perceived as a highly religious and conservative stronghold, deep in the heart of the Bible Belt, it’s beat out only by California, and Florida is a close 3rd in the number of adults actively looking for sex on the internet.

Are we making this up? Now way!

These revealing numbers are reported by one of the largest adult web sites on the internet. The numbers will really surprise you…

If you don’t already know, Adult Friend Finder is the largest sex and swinger personals web site on the internet today with 22,319,717 members. That’s almost identical to the population of Texas which is 23,507,783. Hmmm… That’s a lot of people on just this one website.

What is a sex and swinger personals web site? Well, it’s basically a dating site for singles and couples looking for sex. What many people don’t realize is that Adult Friend Finder gets more visitors every day than Match.com and eHarmony put together!

That’s no big surprise. But what IS a surprise is that Texas is ranked #2 in the number of subscribers to this web site.

Here is the state by state breakdown of the top sex enthusiasts in the U.S., according to Adult Friend Finder:

California – 1.2 million (That’s 3.3% of the state population)
Texas – 800,000 (That’s 3.4% of the state population)
Florida – 743,000 (That’s 4.1% of the state population)
New York – 660,000 (That’s 3.4% of the state population)
Illinois – 429,000 (That’s 3.3% of the state population)

Wow, what’s truly amazing here is that Texas – the heart of the Bible Belt – is #2 in all of the U.S. with a larger percentage of the population subscribing than California!

Is Texas shedding it’s ultra conservative facade? Or will the truth remain buried behind closed doors with faceless pictures on the top sex personals sites like Adult Friend Finder?

Here are some more interesting facts about sex on the internet

While it’s difficult to identify the exact number of internet users, ComScore Media Metrix reports 4% of all Web traffic and 2% of all time spent Web surfing involved an adult site.

According to a recent study by Google, adult content is the most sought after content by users with cellphones. Google’s team found that 20 percent of searches on cellphones were for adult content, while only 5 percent of searches on PDAs were for it. The researchers sifted through 1 million searches by users of their mobile search software to come up with these numbers.
The AVN Annual Survey of the Adult Industry 2006 asserts that the adult entertainment industry is nearly a $13 billion business in 2006, mostly in the form of adult videos. But the delivery mechanism is changing… Internet sales of adult content, which includes images, live-chat and live-streaming video, has now become the second largest adult entertainment segment, with 22 percent of the market or $2.8 billion in sales.

So, are more than 23 million people wrong? Or are the rules and social stigmas against sex and enjoying our sexuality outdated remnants of the Victorian age?

Obviously the demand is there, but so are the ultra conservative religious extremists and the lawmakers that they keep in their pockets. Which explains why prostitution is still illegal in most states and certain sexual acts between consenting adults are illegal in the privacy of their own homes. The fact that consenting adults cannot do whatever they choose in the privacy of their own homes, without causing harm to anyone, is outrageous!

This is also why Janet Jackson was persecuted for her wardrobe malfunction during the Superbowl a few years back (the most replayed moment in TiVo history) and Chicago TV reporter, Amy Jacobson, was persecuted for doing an interview in her swimsuit. Exactly what is wrong with a breast and a belly button anyway? Really… Stop and think about that for just a moment.

When will we say enough is enough?

Uncovering Sex and Sexuality Censorship in Today’s Business World

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 17:04:16 +0000

The level of censorship and phobias that exit in today’s business world are astounding – surrounding anything dealing with or even mentioning sex or sexuality.

You may not realize just how much censorship takes place every day that is keeping you from expressing your God given rights and freedoms.

While mostly naked swimsuit models are splashed on every magazine cover and billboard nationwide, the mere mention of sex or implied sexuality will get your ad pulled faster than you can say “sex”.

In fact, here’s an excellent example from today.

This morning I received a notification email from Text-Link-Ads, one of the great folks supporting our site. Advertisers go through Text-Link-Ads to purchase various text link ad spots on our blog. And the notification email asked me to go review an ad someone would like to place on our site. But when I logged on, I couldn’t see the ad pending review. So I emailed Text-Link-Ads to ask about it.

The answer was: “Hi Dan, It was an adult site so I had to decline it. Sorry for the hassle.” To which my immediate response was: “Hmmm… I’d still like to see the site and make that decision myself. I may or may not have a problem with the site.”

For us, it really depends on whether they provide content or a service that we feel would benefit our guests and readers.

Text-Link-Ads is great, do check them out…

Just to be clear, we aren’t holding anything against Text-Link-Ads. It’s entirely their choice what sites they do business with. Just like AskDanAndJennifer.com is our home on the web, and we get to decide who is and isn’t welcome.

We’ve had only good experiences dealing with them, and we recommend them highly. If you have a blog and are looking to make some extra money to cover your costs, sign up with them as a publisher.

If you would like to advertise to the readers of thousands of popular blogs, be sure to take advantage of the $100 in free ads coupon Text-Link-Ads is running right now.

So why the heck does all of this Sexual Censorship matter to you?

We try really hard to keep all of our posts on topic for our readers.

But let’s recap our mission for AskDanAndJennifer.com: “To help people create more conscious relationships based on love and acceptance rather than fear, jealousy, anger, and ownership. It’s time to move on from outdated ideas about relationships and sex…”

So yes, some sexual content would be appropriate on our blog.

And what exactly is an adult site anyway?

That’s hard to say for sure. This morning I didn’t even get to find out. And unfortunately these types of fears lead to blurring lines and very broad definitions.

Could it perhaps be an adult dating site like Adult Friend Finder? What’s wrong with that? Tens of millions of people find sex partners on Adult Friend Finder. If people didn’t use it, this site wouldn’t be more popular than all the top online dating sites put together.
Or maybe a BDSM dating site, like ALT.com – sister site to Adult Friend Finder? Again, if millions of people didn’t find this service useful, it would quickly go out of business.
Or – No not that! – maybe it’s a live adult video chat site like Sizzling Cams or Totally Free Cams, where you can connect with live people from all over the U.S. and beyond. And – gasp – they cater to every possible fetish you can think of. Yes, that too. And you can even sample the product for free. Wow, it may be sinful just thinking about it.
WARNING, these are adult sites. Before you click, cover your eyes – and if you’re at work, turn your speakers off!

So, it would still be nice as free American adults to make our own decisions about whether or not we’d like to view or display adult content on our blogs and websites.

And don’t even get me started on “protecting the children” from porn.

That scam has been used to take away more freedoms than just about anything in recent history, except maybe for the Patriot Act. We can better protect our children by being real parents and without locking up all of the adults.

Major News Media Censorship – What ever happened to free speech?

These days it’s more like ‘restricted’ speech.

Some years ago Jennifer and I started and online dating site here in Dallas. It was a very interesting and educational experience. And we learned a lot about the type of censorship that goes on behind the scenes in Corporate America today.

We signed up to run some banner ads on the websites of two prominent Dallas area newspapers. They signed the contract, accepted payment, and had no problem with our creatives (the banner ads) initially.

Then, right as we were going live with the campaigns, both called to tells us they would have to pull the ads due to the sexual connotation in the creatives.

By the way, we can’t mention the names of the newspapers here or many media outlets won’t publish this article – more censorship…

Do we just fear nudity or is it the mere thought of open sexuality?

Here’s one of the banner ads in question for your viewing enjoyment. You’ll note there is no nudity shown whatsoever, and there is nothing graphic, violent, or otherwise generally offensive in the ad.

Not to imply there’s anything immediately offensive about the natural state of the human body – but that’s another discussion for another day.

However, the depiction of this woman licking a thorn is very sensual, seductive, and sexually playful. Or could it be because we mentioned Intimate Encounters. We can’t have that now can we – people admitting that they actually want and have sex.

And sometimes you can’t say the word “Gay” on the radio

This is a little off topic, but not too much. We were signing a deal to run some radio ads on a very popular Dallas radio station when we found out that we had to edit our ad. They required a single very specific change – we had to edit out the word “gay”. No, really.

Janet Jackson’s infamous breast – the wardrobe malfunction extraordinaire

I’m sure many of you remember Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe malfunction” not too long ago. This was one of (if not THE) most replayed moment in TIVO history. Gee, guess that tells us something.

And sadly millions of people turned to stone that day. Or did they? Wait, this just in. Janet Jackson’s breast did not trigger mass fatalities after all. Not to mention the administrative grandstanding in the days following, you would have thought someone had launched a nuclear war.

In summary

We believe sex is not in any way evil or terrible. But this general fear and shame associated with sex and sexuality is a prime cause for many of our societal issues and relationship problems.

How many people don’t even know if they’re sexually compatible until after they get into a marriage contract? Yes, it’s their choice of course. But just think about their chances of staying together long term if their sex life is really poor. Of course they could stay together and pretend to be monogamous like many couples do, and cheat with others on the side. Is that really better? Is it any surprise our divorce rate is over 50%?

Ok, deep breath. Blessings all round, and on with our day.

Please leave a comment below to tell us what you think on the topic of Sexual Censorship!

How to Spice Up Your Sex Life and Save Your Relationship

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 07 Feb 2007 03:11:44 +0000

The Question:

My partner and I have been together for 2 years now and we have been living together for about 4 months. Now that we are living together I feel that our relationship has changed. We hardly ever have sex, probably once a month is about all we manage to achieve.

I love sex and I’m sure that my partner does too, but for some reason we just can’t seem to make an effort to do the wild thing – one of us or both are always tired and sometimes it feels like we’re losing sexual compatibility; now it seems like I’ve had more passion in the past with other men or in the beginning of our relationship.

We do love each other and we’ve been through a lot together but I feel that our relationship is changing and I don’t know what to do about it.

We are becoming more like best friends everyday and I’m scared that the passion is fading. His idea of seduction and mine are totally different – he thinks ‘Let’s have sex?’ is an acceptable phrase into seducing a woman into hot sex, where as I would rather be pinned up against a wall without a word being said and so on…

When we weren’t living together our relationship was great; we did struggle a bit in the sex department but 3 times a week compared to once a month was a vast improvement.

Any advice you have considering this situation would be greatly appreciated. I don’t think I want to lose my relationship but I don’t know if I have the will power to save it – I don’t know what to do.

The Answer:

You might be surprised to learn that almost all long term relationships go through this ‘phase’ where everyone seems to get a little lazy. From my experience, it seems to happen somewhere between 18 months and 3 years into the relationship.

Here are some ideas that will help you make the best decision for you…

Does he know how you feel?

Open and honest communication is the most important component of any relationship.

Talk about it! Yes, with him, not with your girlfriends, not with anyone else. It’s absolutely amazing how many lovers simply don’t communicate openly and honestly with one another.

So many guys chat about their love live with their buddies, often as a way of bragging and showing off. And then they ask their guy friends if this or that sex idea would be ok. This is a bad idea for guys and girls. If you’re trying to figure out what sexual experiences to try out, talk with your lover not your buddies.

So, does he know that you crave hot spontaneous sex, or that you get excited by playing a little rough? Guess what, he might like that too! Or he might not, but you’ll never know if you don’t explore this topic together. And by the way, you’ll have a lot of fun and get a lot closer in the process.

Don’t hurt anyone’s feelings and check your ego at the door

It’s a strange thing, but sex partners often get their feelings hurt when one of them suggests trying something new, or doing something a little differently.

Get over it! The point of sex and intimacy is to enjoy each other and be happy together! Unless of course you’re focused solely on making babies – but that’s not the topic of this article…

Getting comfortable and killing your relationship

Complacency, also known as “getting comfortable” is the death knell of so many relationships, it may as well be a full blown epidemic. So many couples strive to “get comfortable”. What that means is they stop trying. And guess what… you stop trying, and your relationship dies. It’s that simple. The excitement and attraction dies, and your relationships becomes a project that you’re always fixing up. That’s no fun.

So how can you add that spice and excitement back into your relationship so that you’re not just lusting after those hot bodies at the gym?

Seduction as a game for lovers – the chase begins anew

The thrill of seduction doesn’t end when you get into a relationship. Why give up such a wonderful thing, even if you could?

Admit it, we enjoy the chase. I know I do and I’m at peace with it. And if you’re not chasing your lover, you’ll end up chasing someone else. We’re just wired that way. So let’s just accept that fact and use it to our advantage.

When was the last time you tried to seduce your partner? …

No, I’m not talking about coming home and saying “hey, let’s go have sex”. Blah! Boring!

I mean dressing up to look your best, wearing something sexy and feeling sexy.

Some of the best and most exciting sex is spontaneous sex, when you’re so wrapped up in the heat of the moment that you just can’t stop from ripping each other’s clothes off! Now that’s excitement. And doesn’t it sound more fun than “hey, let’s go have sex”?

Schedule hot sex dates

You go through the trouble of scheduling lunch and dinner appointments with just about everyone in your life. How about paying at least that much attention to your lover? Make time for that really steamy hot date, and plan accordingly. That way you’ll both be anticipating it all day, or all week.

Make a sex date box

Here’s a neat idea. Get together with your lover and each of you jot down a steamy date idea on a piece of paper and agree that each time you go on a hot steamy date, you’ll pick a card from your special sex date box.

Watch some erotic movies – together

Basic Instinct, Wild Orchid, 9 and 1/2 Weeks – it doesn’t have to be Playboy Porn, just something that gets you excited – trust me – he’ll get excited simply by you being excited.

Go out and buy some hot lingerie – together

What could be more exciting than shopping for hot lingerie together? By the time you’re done, you’ll be well in the mood for a hot sex date.

How about going to an adult toy store – together?

Maybe go visit an adult toy store together. Even if you don’t buy anything, you’re sure to have a lot of fun checking out all the merchandise.

Mix it up with some new sexual adventures

Doing the same old thing over and over again is bound to get boring. You wouldn’t watch the same TV show for the rest of your life, would you?

Try something different. Whether you’re up for a threesome or interested in the wild latex world of BDSM, the same idea applies.

Be open to new experiences. Venture out and keep it exciting.

In summary

Talk with your partner about sex. Really, make a date to sit down and go over it. Then resolve to always talk about it form then on.
Check your ego at the door. If your partner makes sex suggestions and you get defensive, then you’re missing the point completely. Get over it and put your partner first. You’ll be glad you did.
Don’t strive to get “comfortable” in a relationship. If you’re there, break out of it before you doom your relationship for good.
Bring the excitement of seduction and the chase back into your relationship – fast.
Actually schedule some hot sex dates with your partner. Really.
Keep it exciting with some new sexual adventures. Try new things. Open your mind and explore the entire world of sex possibilities.
For some fresh new sex ideas download Michael Webb’s 500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets (Read our review here).

Adult Friend Finder – Adult Dating and Sex Personals Website Review

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 23:54:35 +0000

Do you know that Adult Friend Finder gets more visitors than Match.com, Yahoo Personals and eHarmony combined?

This website that many people have never even heard of gets more traffic than the top five most publicized and most talked about online dating sites combined.

AdultFriendFinder is one of the big boys in the adult personals world. With well over 30 million members, it is regarded as one of the largest dating sites on the internet and is one of the longest running and most established adult dating sites around. So unless you live in the middle of nowhere, you’re sure to find lots of hot girls and sexy men in your area.

Adult Friend Finder serves people looking for sexual encounters encompassing everything from plain vanilla to extreme fetishes, with searches that take varied interests into account. It is the place for married people to meet each other for intimate encounters, the place where recently divorced mid-lifers try to sow the wild oats they didn’t when they were younger, and where young people wanting to experiment find willing instructors.

Overall, AdultFriendFinder is one of the best and most active adult dating sites on the internet.

Features of Adult Friend Finder

Hundred’s of thousands of explicit photos uploaded each week. You can only view the full sized member photos as a member – join free now!
Rank other AdultFriendFinder member photos
Huge public and private chat rooms organized by region, so you can chat to sexy singles where you live, have cybersex and set up local parties.
Anonymously email, chat & instant message with other sexually-liberated members.
Thousands of members’ sexy webcam videos online. Watch thousands of exhibitionists playing on their webcams – and you can too.
Keep track of your potential partners and your friends at Adult Friend Finder with your hot-list. You can have 200 people in your list during your free trial, and this number get larger depending on your membership level.
Free online magazine section full of erotic stories and member experiences. Available to members and guests.
Easily turn your profile on and off, so you can choose whether its visible to other members.
Complete privacy protection – no one will know your identity unless you tell them!
Excellent technical support

Join Adult Friend Finder

Choose from a standard (free), silver or gold membership.

The Free Trial at Adult Friend Finder allows you to browse members in your area, wink at them, and even use the adult sex chat rooms. It will allow you to get a feel for the site and see what it’s really like. All you need to do to become a free member is fill out a short form with your basic profile information.

Silver membership allows you to contact other members by e-mail and view all the members’ photos (the more explicit photos are not normally visible to standard members). With a silver membership you will also rank above the standard members and have a greater set of search parameters, including the ability to restrict your search results to members that are within a particular geographic region.

Gold membership will get your profile listed at the top of search results, so whenever someone does a search, your profile will appear first. It will also give you the complete set of search parameters plus many other beneficial features.

Joining is very easy and free – there is a one-page registration form, which will only take about a minute to complete.

Don’t Wait. Start your Free Trial at Adult Friend Finder now.

Will it be Adult Friend Finder or PerfectMatch.com? Top 10 Tips for Finding the Best Online Dating Site for You…

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 28 Jul 2006 08:26:00 +0000

Question: What could PerfectMatch.com, eHarmony, and Adult Friend Finder possibly have in common and why do you care?

Answer: They are all online dating sites designed with a very specific objective and person in mind. Fact is, an amazing number of people sign up to the wrong dating site and wonder why it doesn’t work for them.

Adult Friend Finder is intended for people looking for a casual, and in most cases, a sexual relationship, A.K.A. "not looking for marriage".

eHarmony is intended for people looking for a long-term, serious relationship, A.K.A. "looking for marriage". But with the endless forms to fill out before signing up… most people don’t make it to the other side.

PerfectMatch.com falls somewhere in between, focusing on casual dating that may potentially turn into a long term relationship. This is also a great option for a dating site with true scientific matching.

Many people join dating sites like Adult Friend Finder simply to ‘browse’… If you are looking for some good ADULT entertainment, skip the added overhead of a dating site and try Sizzling Cams or Totally Free Cams.

(WARNING: These sites contains adult content and nudity. If that kind of stuff offends you, don’t click on the links.) You may also want to turn off your sound before you visit these sites…

So, if you are looking for a serious relationship, don’t you think it would be a mistake to join Adult Friend Finder? Yes, it may be fun to look around and flirt, etc., but are you really being honest with yourself and with the other members of that site?

There are literally hundreds, even thousands, of dating sites to choose from.
How do you know which ones are right for you?

As you begin your search for the best online dating site, you will probably be surprised by the number of options. Online dating services are popping up daily on the internet, making the decision of choosing the "right" service a bit overwhelming.

It’s well worth the extra time to find 2 or 3 dating sites that fit your personality and offer the services that you’re looking for. Narrow down the list of potential online dating sites to your top 3 and then compare them to determine the pros and cons of each one. Pay particular attention to the monthly cost and features offered by each dating site.

While more and more ‘free’ dating sites are becoming available, most sites differentiate between free and paid memberships. In general, most dating sites will let you upload your profile and a few photos, and search through their database of profiles for free (but they may not let you see all of the details). You will most likely have to pay for any additional features.

Once you’ve chosen a few, sign up for each of them. It only takes a little extra time and you’re sure to meet different people on each of the different sites.

Here are some excellent tips for finding a service that will best match your needs:

Establish a budget.
Decide how much money you want to spend, and set a budget. Most online dating websites charge a recurring monthly fee, but there are a few that have a one-time membership fee, and even fewer totally free sites. Determine up front how much you want to spend so that you can narrow your choices and avoid sites that don’t fit in your budget.
Ask for references.
Talk to friends and family to see if they or anyone they know has had a good experience with a particular online dating website. If you don’t know anyone, you can always check out an online dating guide. Just go to your favorite search engine and type in "online dating guide". You’ll get plenty to choose from.
Try to choose an online dating service that has been around for a couple of years.
The best way to find out how long a website has been around is to go to the website’s "About Us" page where you will learn not only the date the site was started but also the company’s philosophy. Another good source of information is the “FAQ”, or frequently asked questions page on the website.
Do your research.
Take the time to check your favorite search engines for popular dating sites. Try searching terms like "online dating", "meet someone online", or "online personals" to generate lists of potential online sites for you.
Consider specialized or niche sites.
Think about any special interests or unique situations that might require a more specialized online dating website. If you are interesting in something specific like Single Parents, Christian Dating, Jewish Dating, Senior Dating, Gay Dating, or Adult Dating, make sure you include those terms in your search (see #4 above).
Determine the pros and cons of your top picks.
Narrow down the list of potential online sites to your top three and compare them to determine pros and cons of each one. Compare them buy cost and features that are interesting to you such as live chat, online video, and number of members on the site.
Sign up to multiple dating sites.
Don’t be afraid to sign-up for multiple websites or change services if you are not satisfied. The goal is to meet new people online and enjoy the process. If a particular site is not meeting your needs, move on before you invest more of your money on a service that isn’t right for you.
For safety and convenience, look for online dating services that offer onsite messaging and email services.
This will allow you to communicate with people using a special email provided by the dating service instead of using your personal email or IM (instant message).
You should stay anonymous, at least at first. You wouldn’t walk into a bar with a name and address tag around your neck, would you? It is important, however, to use a valid email address when signing up for your account.

Most dating sites give you the option to receive email notification of replies to your personal ad, and some even forward the reply right to your email box. You won’t want to miss these emails!

I suggest that you use a free email account, such as Yahoo Mail or Hotmail , to reduce the possibility of spam. Just remember to check your new mailbox!
Make sure the dating service offers secure payment methods.
Also, look at the type of payments accepted (credit card, check, money order, PayPal, etc.) to ensure the options work for you.
Look for websites that offer free trials.
Look for an online dating service that will allow you to browse profiles and photos before you join, or a service that offers a free trial period so you can talk to people that you are interested in meeting before you have to pay. This allows you to fully understand the number and types of potential matches already signed up with the service.

Ask Dan and Jennifer » adult dating

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