Ask Dan and Jennifer » adult friend finder

A Facebook For Swingers? Why Kasidie is Better Than Adult Friend Finder

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 15:35:58 +0000

Sadly, most people think swinging is all about indiscriminate sex. This is the reason so many people join Adult Friend Finder, as they assume that “it’s the largest swingers dating site, so it must be the best place to hook up.” But there’s a reason why their average account lasts less than 4 months.

The little known truth about swinging is that you “come for the sex, but stay for the friendships.”

And that’s why in the lifestyle Adult Friend Finder is known as “every swingers first mistake” – we all saw the member counts, joined in hopes of hooking up and left with a hollow feeling.

The Dirty On Swinging… “Sexually Social”?

So why isn’t swinging just indiscriminate sex? For the same reason it wasn’t when you were in college. There has to be some physical and mental chemistry and a high level of mutual attraction to create an erotic, lustful situation where you want to have sex with someone. And that doesn’t happen with everyone. Not even with most. Few, in fact.

However, what you do find is a new group of people who are open-minded, uninhibited, flirtatious, highly social and just flat out fun to be around. So even though you may not have sexual energy with everyone, you find that you enjoy their company and like hanging out with them far more than your previous social network of neighbors, work colleagues, PTA members are other “vanilla’s”. And the more social you are, the more friends and acquaintances you make, the more likely it is that you will find some people from time to time with mutual attraction and with whom you do want to take the flirtation up a few notches to more salacious fun.

A dating site doesn’t help create or maintain a social network of friends. They simply don’t provide the tools necessary to do that. There needs to be a way to make friends, to manage parties and other social events, to chat with people and see what they are up to, and to join in with others who share similar interests. For vanillas, FaceBook.com does this very well and that’s the reason why people spend hours a day on the site; but when you’re connected to family, kids, work mates, church members, and others then there’s simply no way to use it for the more adventurous side of your life.

A New Kind Of Swinger’s Website

This is where Kasidie.com comes in. It’s a site built from the ground up as a social network for swingers, or as they call it, those of us who are “sexually social”: building communities and friendships with a wide variety of tools. Here you can search profiles and find people similar to yourselves, just like a dating site, but you can also form bilateral friendships, post rendezvous for spontaneous fun, join in on hundreds of parties and travel takeovers (or even host your own), become a member of any number of communities catering to interests as disparate as wine, food, sports, travel and sexuality, and build a base of friends and social activities that are geared to getting you out of the house and into flirtatious, erotic fun.

Check out Kasidie.com, you might just have the best time of your life.

So You Want To Be Swingers? Here’s How to Get Started

Greg & Sheryl — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 13:50:27 +0000

As experienced swingers, the most common question we receive from those looking to get into the lifestyle is, “How do we start?”

Where to look

Thanks to the internet, it is easier to become a swinger than ever before. As recently as the mid-1990’s, the most common way was by purchasing a contact magazine, usually at a seedy adult bookstore, and then mailing letters to the people who advertised therein.

Swing clubs have existed since the 1970’s, but the only way you could find out about them was by word of mouth or through advertisements in underground publications. Today, the road to becoming a swinger starts with the click of a mouse.

Whether you are looking for a classy swing club, a private house party, or a couple in your city, all of these things can be found on the internet. For those looking to dive right in, clubs and parties are the best way to meet a number of potential playmates on any given night.

For those who prefer a slower, more relaxed approach, your best bet is to place on ad on a swinger’s contact website such as our favorite, Adult Friend Finder. However, meeting people through on online ad requires a great amount of patience.

Swing clubs

Regarding swing clubs, if you live in a large city, you might have a choice between an on-premise club and an off-premise club. An on-premise club is where the sex actually takes place at the facility, whereas sex does not take place at an off-premise club. Off-premises clubs typically hold social events at hotel ballrooms, but those who want to play can usually rent a discounted guest room at that hotel. We usually recommend off-premise clubs to newbies who are worried about being pressured to have sex before they’re ready.

Clubs in your area can be found by utilizing your favorite search engine with the key words “swing clubs” along with the name of your home state or the nearest major city. That should lead you to a list a clubs with links to their websites. Check out those sites and see which one might be write for you. If you have any questions or concerns, don’t be afraid to call or email the club for additional information.

Private swing parties

Private swing parties are a little more difficult to find, because so many of them advertise through word-of mouth. For the most part, you won’t hear about these parties until you’ve worked you way into certain social circles. However, some of these parties are advertised online, often through Craigslist or social networking sites such as Yahoo! Groups. Also, some swingers contact websites have a listing of local parties in your area.

Types of swing parties

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When Swinger Sex Goes Horribly Wrong…

Melody Brooke — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 16:25:45 +0000

Threesomes and swinging are on most male fantasy lists, but what happens when it goes horribly wrong?

Over the course of my three marriages I have been encouraged by husbands to engage in a variety of interesting (and some downright bizarre) possible sexual behaviors. Of course, I tended to marry sex addicts, so the range of possibilities stretched a lot further than my sensibilities.

Along the way, I’ve been “encouraged” to participate in all kinds of things that became problems later on. Some of these were physically not a good idea, and I won’t go into that!

My first husband liked fantasies. I am quite creative so I was able to come up with all kinds of fun and innocent stories to keep him excited. I became good at playing the part and keeping things spicy – nothing dangerous or problematic there. But then eventually with some of the stories, he liked the idea of making them happen. These included other people.

While I can appreciate the desire to add spice and variety to the bedroom, I’ve discovered through my own (and others) experiences, there are some kinds of behaviors that are a set up for disaster. When you open the door and invite another person into the intimate connection with your partner you are inviting in trouble.

Now, in theory, I will conjecture that there are couples secure enough with each other where they can have flings with other people and not do any perceivable damage to their relationship. I’ve just never seen it happen that way personally…

Dan and Jennifer’s comments:

While this is one experience, Dan and I have seen many successful open/swinging relationships… Even though we don’t agree with with everything in this article, we wanted to publish it to show what can happen when you get into swinging for the wrong reasons.

It is critical to be honest with yourself and you partner. Never allow another person to ‘push’ you into something that you’re not comfortable with. For a swinging relationship to be successful, it has to be something that both partners want, not just grudgingly agree to.

What tends to happen is that one member of the couple is more motivated than the other to pursue the “Swinger” lifestyle. For whatever reason, having one sexual partner for the rest of their life is not appealing, but they like having a life partner.

Therefore that partner encourages the other to participate in this “exciting” adventure of “Swinging". Then both partners agree to it using certain ground rules.

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Sinners in the Bible Belt? Sex, Swingers, and Religion…

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 16:38:32 +0000

Who would have thought that Texas, the conservative Republican state, is 2nd In the Nation on Sex Seeking Enthusiasts?

While Texas may be perceived as a highly religious and conservative stronghold, deep in the heart of the Bible Belt, it’s beat out only by California, and Florida is a close 3rd in the number of adults actively looking for sex on the internet.

Are we making this up? Now way!

These revealing numbers are reported by one of the largest adult web sites on the internet. The numbers will really surprise you…

If you don’t already know, Adult Friend Finder is the largest sex and swinger personals web site on the internet today with 22,319,717 members. That’s almost identical to the population of Texas which is 23,507,783. Hmmm… That’s a lot of people on just this one website.

What is a sex and swinger personals web site? Well, it’s basically a dating site for singles and couples looking for sex. What many people don’t realize is that Adult Friend Finder gets more visitors every day than Match.com and eHarmony put together!

That’s no big surprise. But what IS a surprise is that Texas is ranked #2 in the number of subscribers to this web site.

Here is the state by state breakdown of the top sex enthusiasts in the U.S., according to Adult Friend Finder:

California – 1.2 million (That’s 3.3% of the state population)
Texas – 800,000 (That’s 3.4% of the state population)
Florida – 743,000 (That’s 4.1% of the state population)
New York – 660,000 (That’s 3.4% of the state population)
Illinois – 429,000 (That’s 3.3% of the state population)

Wow, what’s truly amazing here is that Texas – the heart of the Bible Belt – is #2 in all of the U.S. with a larger percentage of the population subscribing than California!

Is Texas shedding it’s ultra conservative facade? Or will the truth remain buried behind closed doors with faceless pictures on the top sex personals sites like Adult Friend Finder?

Here are some more interesting facts about sex on the internet

While it’s difficult to identify the exact number of internet users, ComScore Media Metrix reports 4% of all Web traffic and 2% of all time spent Web surfing involved an adult site.

According to a recent study by Google, adult content is the most sought after content by users with cellphones. Google’s team found that 20 percent of searches on cellphones were for adult content, while only 5 percent of searches on PDAs were for it. The researchers sifted through 1 million searches by users of their mobile search software to come up with these numbers.
The AVN Annual Survey of the Adult Industry 2006 asserts that the adult entertainment industry is nearly a $13 billion business in 2006, mostly in the form of adult videos. But the delivery mechanism is changing… Internet sales of adult content, which includes images, live-chat and live-streaming video, has now become the second largest adult entertainment segment, with 22 percent of the market or $2.8 billion in sales.

So, are more than 23 million people wrong? Or are the rules and social stigmas against sex and enjoying our sexuality outdated remnants of the Victorian age?

Obviously the demand is there, but so are the ultra conservative religious extremists and the lawmakers that they keep in their pockets. Which explains why prostitution is still illegal in most states and certain sexual acts between consenting adults are illegal in the privacy of their own homes. The fact that consenting adults cannot do whatever they choose in the privacy of their own homes, without causing harm to anyone, is outrageous!

This is also why Janet Jackson was persecuted for her wardrobe malfunction during the Superbowl a few years back (the most replayed moment in TiVo history) and Chicago TV reporter, Amy Jacobson, was persecuted for doing an interview in her swimsuit. Exactly what is wrong with a breast and a belly button anyway? Really… Stop and think about that for just a moment.

When will we say enough is enough?

Uncovering Sex and Sexuality Censorship in Today’s Business World

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 17:04:16 +0000

The level of censorship and phobias that exit in today’s business world are astounding – surrounding anything dealing with or even mentioning sex or sexuality.

You may not realize just how much censorship takes place every day that is keeping you from expressing your God given rights and freedoms.

While mostly naked swimsuit models are splashed on every magazine cover and billboard nationwide, the mere mention of sex or implied sexuality will get your ad pulled faster than you can say "sex".

In fact, here’s an excellent example from today.

This morning I received a notification email from Text-Link-Ads, one of the great folks supporting our site. Advertisers go through Text-Link-Ads to purchase various text link ad spots on our blog. And the notification email asked me to go review an ad someone would like to place on our site. But when I logged on, I couldn’t see the ad pending review. So I emailed Text-Link-Ads to ask about it.

The answer was: "Hi Dan, It was an adult site so I had to decline it. Sorry for the hassle." To which my immediate response was: "Hmmm… I’d still like to see the site and make that decision myself. I may or may not have a problem with the site."

For us, it really depends on whether they provide content or a service that we feel would benefit our guests and readers.

Text-Link-Ads is great, do check them out…

Just to be clear, we aren’t holding anything against Text-Link-Ads. It’s entirely their choice what sites they do business with. Just like AskDanAndJennifer.com is our home on the web, and we get to decide who is and isn’t welcome.

We’ve had only good experiences dealing with them, and we recommend them highly. If you have a blog and are looking to make some extra money to cover your costs, sign up with them as a publisher.

If you would like to advertise to the readers of thousands of popular blogs, be sure to take advantage of the $100 in free ads coupon Text-Link-Ads is running right now.

So why the heck does all of this Sexual Censorship matter to you?

We try really hard to keep all of our posts on topic for our readers.

But let’s recap our mission for AskDanAndJennifer.com: "To help people create more conscious relationships based on love and acceptance rather than fear, jealousy, anger, and ownership. It’s time to move on from outdated ideas about relationships and sex…"

So yes, some sexual content would be appropriate on our blog.

And what exactly is an adult site anyway?

That’s hard to say for sure…

Adult Friend Finder – Adult Dating and Sex Personals Website Review

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 23:54:35 +0000

Do you know that AdultFriendFinder gets more visitors than Match.com, Yahoo Personals and eHarmony combined?

This website that many people have never even heard of gets more traffic than the top five most publicized and most talked about online dating sites combined.

AdultFriendFinder is one of the big boys in the adult personals world. With well over 30 million members, it is regarded as one of the largest dating sites on the internet and is one of the longest running and most established adult dating sites around. So unless you live in the middle of nowhere, you’re sure to find lots of hot girls and sexy men in your area.

AdultFriendFinder serves people looking for sexual encounters encompassing everything from plain vanilla to extreme fetishes, with searches that take varied interests into account. It is the place for married people to meet each other for intimate encounters, the place where recently divorced mid-lifers try to sow the wild oats they didn’t when they were younger, and where young people wanting to experiment find willing instructors.

Overall, AdultFriendFinder is one of the best and most active adult dating sites on the internet.

Features of AdultFriendFinder

Hundred’s of thousands of explicit photos uploaded each week. You can only view the full sized member photos as a member – join free now!
Rank other AdultFriendFinder member photos
Huge public and private chat rooms organized by region, so you can chat to sexy singles where you live, have cybersex and set up local parties.
Anonymously email, chat & instant message with other sexually-liberated members.
Thousands of members’ sexy webcam videos online. Watch thousands of exhibitionists playing on their webcams – and you can too.
Keep track of your potential partners and your friends at Adult Friend Finder with your hot-list. You can have 200 people in your list during your free trial, and this number get larger depending on your membership level.
Free online magazine section full of erotic stories and member experiences. Available to members and guests.
Easily turn your profile on and off, so you can choose whether its visible to other members.
Complete privacy protection – no one will know your identity unless you tell them!
Excellent technical support

Join AdultFriendFinder

Choose from a standard (free), silver or gold membership.

The Free Trial at Adult Friend Finder allows you to browse members in your area, wink at them, and even use the adult sex chat rooms. It will allow you to get a feel for the site and see what it’s really like. All you need to do to become a free member is fill out a short form with your basic profile information.

Silver membership allows you to contact other members by e-mail and view all the members’ photos (the more explicit photos are not normally visible to standard members). With a silver membership you will also rank above the standard members and have a greater set of search parameters, including the ability to restrict your search results to members that are within a particular geographic region.

Gold membership will get your profile listed at the top of search results, so whenever someone does a search, your profile will appear first. It will also give you the complete set of search parameters plus many other beneficial features.

Joining is very easy and free – there is a one-page registration form, which will only take about a minute to complete.

Don’t Wait. Start your Free Trial at AdultFriendFinder now.

Will it be Adult Friend Finder or PerfectMatch.com? Top 10 Tips for Finding the Best Online Dating Site for You…

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 28 Jul 2006 08:26:00 +0000

Question: What could PerfectMatch.com, eHarmony, and Adult Friend Finder possibly have in common and why do you care?

Answer: They are all online dating sites designed with a very specific objective and person in mind. Fact is, an amazing number of people sign up to the wrong dating site and wonder why it doesn’t work for them.

Adult Friend Finder is intended for people looking for a casual, and in most cases, a sexual relationship, A.K.A. "not looking for marriage".

eHarmony is intended for people looking for a long-term, serious relationship, A.K.A. "looking for marriage". But with the endless forms to fill out before signing up… most people don’t make it to the other side.

PerfectMatch.com falls somewhere in between, focusing on casual dating that may potentially turn into a long term relationship. This is also a great option for a dating site with true scientific matching.

Many people join dating sites like Adult Friend Finder simply to ‘browse’… If you are looking for some good ADULT entertainment, skip the added overhead of a dating site and try Sizzling Cams or Totally Free Cams.

(WARNING: These sites contains adult content and nudity. If that kind of stuff offends you, don’t click on the links.) You may also want to turn off your sound before you visit these sites…

So, if you are looking for a serious relationship, don’t you think it would be a mistake to join Adult Friend Finder? Yes, it may be fun to look around and flirt, etc., but are you really being honest with yourself and with the other members of that site?

There are literally hundreds, even thousands, of dating sites to choose from.
How do you know which ones are right for you?

As you begin your search for the best online dating site, you will probably be surprised by the number of options. Online dating services are popping up daily on the internet, making the decision of choosing the "right" service a bit overwhelming.

It’s well worth the extra time to find 2 or 3 dating sites that fit your personality and offer the services that you’re looking for. Narrow down the list of potential online dating sites to your top 3 and then compare them to determine the pros and cons of each one. Pay particular attention to the monthly cost and features offered by each dating site.

While more and more ‘free’ dating sites are becoming available, most sites differentiate between free and paid memberships. In general, most dating sites will let you upload your profile and a few photos, and search through their database of profiles for free (but they may not let you see all of the details). You will most likely have to pay for any additional features.

Once you’ve chosen a few, sign up for each of them. It only takes a little extra time and you’re sure to meet different people on each of the different sites.

Here are some excellent tips for finding a service that will best match your needs:

Establish a budget.
Decide how much money you want to spend, and set a budget. Most online dating websites charge a recurring monthly fee, but there are a few that have a one-time membership fee, and even fewer totally free sites. Determine up front how much you want to spend so that you can narrow your choices and avoid sites that don’t fit in your budget.
Ask for references.
Talk to friends and family to see if they or anyone they know has had a good experience with a particular online dating website. If you don’t know anyone, you can always check out an online dating guide. Just go to your favorite search engine and type in "online dating guide". You’ll get plenty to choose from.
Try to choose an online dating service that has been around for a couple of years.
The best way to find out how long a website has been around is to go to the website’s "About Us" page where you will learn not only the date the site was started but also the company’s philosophy. Another good source of information is the “FAQ”, or frequently asked questions page on the website.
Do your research.
Take the time to check your favorite search engines for popular dating sites. Try searching terms like "online dating", "meet someone online", or "online personals" to generate lists of potential online sites for you.
Consider specialized or niche sites.
Think about any special interests or unique situations that might require a more specialized online dating website. If you are interesting in something specific like Single Parents, Christian Dating, Jewish Dating, Senior Dating, Gay Dating, or Adult Dating, make sure you include those terms in your search (see #4 above).
Determine the pros and cons of your top picks.
Narrow down the list of potential online sites to your top three and compare them to determine pros and cons of each one. Compare them buy cost and features that are interesting to you such as live chat, online video, and number of members on the site.
Sign up to multiple dating sites.
Don’t be afraid to sign-up for multiple websites or change services if you are not satisfied. The goal is to meet new people online and enjoy the process. If a particular site is not meeting your needs, move on before you invest more of your money on a service that isn’t right for you.
For safety and convenience, look for online dating services that offer onsite messaging and email services.
This will allow you to communicate with people using a special email provided by the dating service instead of using your personal email or IM (instant message).
You should stay anonymous, at least at first. You wouldn’t walk into a bar with a name and address tag around your neck, would you? It is important, however, to use a valid email address when signing up for your account.

Most dating sites give you the option to receive email notification of replies to your personal ad, and some even forward the reply right to your email box. You won’t want to miss these emails!

I suggest that you use a free email account, such as Yahoo Mail or Hotmail , to reduce the possibility of spam. Just remember to check your new mailbox!
Make sure the dating service offers secure payment methods.
Also, look at the type of payments accepted (credit card, check, money order, PayPal, etc.) to ensure the options work for you.
Look for websites that offer free trials.
Look for an online dating service that will allow you to browse profiles and photos before you join, or a service that offers a free trial period so you can talk to people that you are interested in meeting before you have to pay. This allows you to fully understand the number and types of potential matches already signed up with the service.