Ask Dan and Jennifer » advice

Blowjob Tip: How To Make Her Want To Give You More Oral Sex (Video)

Daniel Rose, author Sex God Method — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 14:00:36 +0000

Men want blowjobs – it’s a fact of life. Some women enjoy giving blowjobs, but others don’t. What if you’re a guy with a gal who you wish would give you more oral sex? Does she not do it enough? Does she not do it at all? Either way, you wish she would go down on you more. How do you get her to want to give you head?

Most guys just wish there girl would give them more oral sex – call it a blow job, giving head, or going down on him – fact is there are a lot of women out there who just don’t do it. Here are some things that you can do to actually help her enjoy the process so that she’ll want to do it more. Come on… You’ve just got to give a little to get a lot!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Getting Her To Want It

That’s the key statement right there – getting her to want to give you a blowjob. There’s nothing that turns a woman off more than a man who wants to “make” her give him oral sex. Have you pressured your woman into giving you a blowjob? Have you tried to make her do something she doesn’t want to do? We bet you didn’t get very far, did you? The trick is to help her to want to give you oral sex. Pressuring her to do it, or complaining or whining about how you don’t get enough oral sex…well, that’s just not going to get you very far.

Lead By Example

The best way to get your partner to give you good oral sex is to give her good oral sex first! There’s nothing more giving than a satisfied woman, and if you give her the orgasm of her life by going down on her, it’s only natural that she’ll want to return the favor. Read a few female orgasm tips to help you get in the mood to give her oral sex, and try some of the new, fun techniques that she’s never experienced before. She’ll be putty in your hands before too long! After you’ve given her excellent oral sex, relax and let her take the bull by the horns.

Make Blowjobs For You Fun For Her Too

A woman won’t give a blowjob twice if it’s not good for her too. That doesn’t necessarily mean pleasuring her while she’s pleasuring you (although that’s not a bad idea sometimes), but it does mean that you have to make giving you a blowjob less like a chore and more like something fun for her to do to pleasure you. Make sure you’re clean – a sweaty, smelly penis is no fun to go down on. Trim if you’re hairy, or shave if you want to give her a real surprise. The best way to make a blowjob fun for her is to let her know how crazy she’s making you! Give lots of good feedback. Before she gives you a blowjob, make sure to tell her how excited you are that she’s going to do it, and how much it turns you on to think of her giving you head.

While she’s going down on you, give her plenty of verbal and non-verbal feedback, such as groaning, shifting your hips, grabbing her head (if she likes that) and really getting into it. Don’t fake it – she’ll be able to tell. Just let yourself go in a way that you might normally do. After the blowjob, make sure to tell her how good it was for you, how much you love her and how happy she made you. She’ll definitely want to do it again!

Take just a minute to check out ‘The Sex God Method’: “If You Want to Give Women Screaming Orgasms, This Video May Be The Most Important Video You’ll Ever Watch”

Great Relationships Begin Within!

Maryanne Comaroto — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 01:00:50 +0000

Consider all we attend to each day, and most of us simply find it hard to invest in a good relationship, let alone carve out the hours necessary to mend or tend a difficult one. If you’re day is anything like mine, it may go a little something like this:

Dropping kids off after school, work deadlines, pressure to keep your job. pressure to compete (especially now), pressure to be original, friends calling in real crisis and friends in perpetual crisis, staying fit and young and sexy and time to re-do the kitchen, send the kid to college, get your parents in to an extended care home (if they don’t kill you first), and … RELAX! why don’t you (with all that extra time).

And what if you have to factor in something like this:

Go home, climb in the shower and get ready for my date tonight!!!

And You Thought You Had A Challenging Relationship….

WHEW! I’m exhausted just typing that! I heard a great story years ago about a kid whose mom asked him to make her some eggs. She instructed him to scramble one and fry the other. Being a good kid, he did just that, the stood and beamed proudly before his mother, presenting her with what he understood to be the answer to her heart’s (or stomach’s, if you will) desire; eggs, one scrambled, the other perfectly fried! “Oh. NO” she protested. “I wanted that one scrambled and the other one fried!” pointing ruthlessly at his obedient offering.

For me, this kind of crazy-making relationship is, at minimum, challenging, not to mention arduous.
One point to make here is that most of our lives are full. So how do we go from overwhelmed (or, at least, I am bloody tired and I really want a relationship) to gracefully finding that one special person who actually does make your load feel lighter?

How NOT To Find A Good Partner

Maybe you do a version of one of these options:

a) Meet someone you’re attracted to and have sex right away since you think chemistry is the best indicator of a great choice of partner.
b) Sign up on every online dating service, line up endless dates and then, like a total maniac, unleash your inner daemons and hope one date finds this attractive?
c) Drink alcohol and or take a few sedatives, anti-whatever ( because, hey, everyone else does). Go to a bar or nightclub and get your groove going and then just see what happens, because you’re reasoning is in no way impaired…if anything, being high brings out your real self, and tons of people meet their soul mates in bars!
d) Stop…drop and roll?
e) Or maybe STOP, drop in with yourself and see first where you might be leaking some valuable life-force energy. (Hopefully you chose E, in an ideal world, anyway.

Loving Yourself Is The First Step

So here’s a little relationship heads up (in case you didn’t choose “E” or in case – like most of us – you have a hard time choosing “E” all the time!):
If we don’t have time for ourselves…neither will they.
If we don’t MAKE time for ourselves…neither will they.
If we don’t know how to manage our own lives well…neither will they.
If we do find someone to “take us away from all this,” one or the other gets tired of the burden and eventually the relationship dies. Check the statistics; people who have the fewest relational tools are most likely to have dissatisfying and destructive relationships. Period.

Great Relationship Shortcuts

Give yourself what you want from a partner and you’re exponentially more likely to attract a really good one!
And last, having tools and skills are pointless if we don’t use them so~

Surround yourself with supportive people and you are more likely to stay on your path of growth and good self-care, and leave what isn’t that behind!

Love, Sex, and Dating 2008 – The Best of Dan and Jennifer

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 13:55:32 +0000

Just in case you missed any of the excitement this year, here’s a wrap of 2008!

I’m including our best, most talked about, and most controversial love, sex, and dating topics of the year.

Enjoy!

Love & Relationships

Sex & Intimacy

Singles & Dating

The People You Love – Giving The Benefit Of The Doubt Even When It Feels Like The Last Thing You Want To Do

Wendy Strgar — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 14:26:51 +0000

Here’s a new years resolution that anyone can keep. Give the people you love, starting with yourself, the benefit of the doubt.

Generally speaking and almost without exception most of us are doing the best that we can at any given moment. We are being as loving as we can be, as kind as we can be, as generous as we can be, even though our best might not make it, even and especially in our own eyes.

The People We Love Sometimes Bring Out the Worst in Us

This was brought home to me in a deep and personal way as I spent the holidays with my original family. Although the visit did not include any storming out or other traumatic arguments that suggested the end of the relationship, the very lack of them and what was left over made the reality of the relationship clear.

It was a bittersweet departure, with this realization of what was left between us, and our agreement to not try to be understood or provoke a healing in all the old wounds.

My fifteen year old son commented that my mother did not bring out the best in me. He loves his newfound wisdom and I could not argue the point.

Sometimes the love we can express doesn’t bring out the best in us, and although we may wish to be kinder and more loving the reality of the past and all the baggage that is visceral in us allows only the benefit of the doubt to protect us.

Seeing the Limits of Our Capacity to Love

It is a humbling realization. To see the limits of one’s own capacity to love so clearly and still try to come to a place of loving oneself. This is actually our only choice and in the words of Martin Luther King, Jr. in his speech “Where do we go from here?”

He calls this creative redemptive love “ultimately the only answer we have as a human family.” This redemptive love, which is far from the way we idealize loving relationships, is what we are given to build family and community with. It has to be enough.

When Love Brings Out the Best in Us

With many people in my life, loving them brings out the best in me. I am inspired by my ability to give generously of my time and resources. It is comforting and easy for me to accept even my weaknesses when I am with these heart connections.

Needing to Give the Benefit of the Doubt

I don’t have to think about giving the benefit of the doubt so much in these relationships because they make me feel strong and, on good days, confident.

But what this new year taught me is that until I can embrace the relationships where I am weakest, and meaner than I want to believe, I can’t fully embrace the rich heart connections because all those parts of me live in me and can’t be neatly separated by the quality of the relationship.

In fact the more complex the relationship the more likely that the benefit of the doubt is the only thing that can sustain us living on this little blue planet spinning in space.

Next Time You Have A Breakdown In Communication, Consider This…

Sarah Elizabeth Malinak — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 14:26:28 +0000

When a woman falls in love with a man, he makes her feel safe, protected, and cherished. She makes him feel seen and respected. These gifts we give each other satisfy ancient longings housed in our biology. They are why we trust each other so quickly, connect so deeply, and start planning for the future!

Moving From Trust & Fulfillment to Irritation & Frustration

At some point, couples move from this position of trust and fulfillment to irritation and frustration. It is as if a pendulum swings them back and forth, sometimes against their will. Maybe it begins with simple things.

For instance, one is a slob and the other is a neat freak. These differences started out being cute but aren’t anymore! Eventually, she will drive him nuts wanting to talk about the relationship.

He will make her worried and insecure withdrawing at every attempt she makes to talk. Before you know it, they feel like enemies to each other either some of the time or all of the time.

Breakdowns in Communication

The next time your relationship suffers from a breakdown in communication, consider what drew you to each other in the first place. For her, feeling safe, protected and cherished satisfy deep, fundamental needs. For him, feeling seen and respected satisfies deep, fundamental needs.

Instead of putting your attention on what you are not getting from your partner, put your attention on what you once gave and try giving it again.

Personality Conflicts and Communication

My husband, Joseph, and I have a personality conflict that contributes to breakdowns in communication. It has occurred to me that addressing the personality conflict isn’t the way to improve the situation.

If we go there, we will wind up monitoring each other and/or ourselves, adding to the frustration and contributing to an even bigger breakdown! Instead, focusing on what we originally gave each other in this situation might just save us a lot of heartache.

What the Personality Conflict Looks Like

The personality conflict looks like this. I have a very active mind. Whenever anyone speaks to me, they are intruding on my thoughts. This means that for the first few seconds of conversation, I am in two places at once in my mind. I’m finishing up my thoughts and beginning to pay attention to the person speaking to me.

Things can get lost in translation because of my active mind!

In addition, my sharp mind prefers details. Instead of telling me something like, “That was the best hamburger I’ve had in a long time,” when it’s been a couple of days since that hamburger was eaten; I prefer more details such as, “Remember when we ate at the Stony Knob Diner last week and I had a hamburger and fries?

That was the best hamburger I’ve had in months. We need to go back there soon!” I realize people don’t talk like that. Folks pick and choose from hundreds of thoughts to share and often begin mid-sentence. I speak like that because details matter to me. See, it’s just a personality issue.

It Isn’t Personal

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Discover How The Foods You Eat Affect Your Performance In Bed!

Edward White, author The Orgasm And Ejaculation Control Guide — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 13:09:22 +0000

What you eat at the dinner table has a massive effect on how well you perform in the sack, and that’s a fact.

The length of your performance, the quality of your sexual technique and even the strength and reliability of your erections are all, to some degree or another, controlled by the foods you eat on a daily basis.

I know that’s a bold statement. But think of the relationship between your food and your sexual performance like the fuel used by your car.

Put the wrong type of gas in and, if you’re lucky, you’ll just about splutter a few feet, for a few seconds.

Eat the wrong foods and your sexual performance will be similarly impacted: you’ll conk out sooner and generally perform more poorly than if you were eating the best things, most of the time.

Okay, the question’s been posed: What can you eat to boost your sexual prowess? And how can the foods you consume improve your ability to put in, time and time again, a powerful and multi-orgasmic sexual performance for you and the woman you’re with?

First on the menu: Sexual Super-foods.

Sexual super-foods are the absolute best things you can eat to help you out in the bedroom, because they contain chemicals, fibers and vitamins that are all suited to boosting and improving your body in relation to love-making.

There are 7 different sexual super-foods, each containing a different selection of natural ingredients and therefore each targeting different areas of sexual skill. I’m going to tell you about one of them right now.

The blueberry is a sexual super-food often referred to as ‘nature’s little blue pill’ because of its remarkable similarities to the wonder drug ‘Viagra’. However, unlike ‘Viagra’, blueberries are cheap, readily available and able to be consumed in bulk!

The beauty of blueberries in regards to maximizing your sexual ability lies in what they contain. Firstly, they’re loaded with soluble fiber, which helps push excess cholesterol through your digestive system before it can be broken down, absorbed and deposited in your arteries.

They’re also packed with compounds that help relax your blood vessels and improve circulation throughout your body. The benefit of lower cholesterol and improved blood flow is more blood to you penis during sex and firmer erections as you get older. To harness the powers of this sexual super-food, which include stronger, longer lasting erections, pop a handful of blueberries into a fruit smoothie a couple of times a week.

Next on the menu: General nutrition and Health.

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Men, How Helping Around the House Can Get You Laid!

Sarah Elizabeth Malinak — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 13:30:39 +0000

This article is about the aphrodisiac of a man offering, perhaps even insisting, that he help out around the house; meaning, there can be an incredible pay off for helping with household chores, if you play your cards right!

In dual career relationships, the household chores still predominantly fall to the woman to accomplish. This reality may be the result of some latent chauvinism.

Latent Chauvinism

However, it is likely because most men do not seem to care if the house is straightened up, dishes done, or even if laundry has been taken care of at the end of a day. Some men will make a shirt and suit last another day and buy a fresh pair of socks and underwear rather than stay on top of the laundry at home.

Women, on the other hand, with their nesting instincts and natural bent for seeing the big picture tend to organize what they consider the necessities of life, including straightening up the home, doing the dishes, and staying on top of the laundry.

If work is brought home or children are involved on top of what it takes to keep a home running smoothly, your woman can spend all her free time at home organizing and carrying through with her plans to get it all done including the things you don’t find important.

Even if this imbalance is just the result of a difference in personalities and not the result of chauvinism, it can still produce bitterness and resentment in her that gets in the way of good loving. There is a way to create balance and seduction at the same time.

Creating Balance

Create an opportunity to have a conversation with her where you volunteer to help. Where you intend to help around the house needs to be something you are actually interested in doing, so go into this prepared. You may be willing to be given a chore list. However, if there are things you just do not want to become responsible for, think about which responsibilities appeal to you.

A good place to begin the conversation is to tell her you appreciate how much she does to keep the house running smoothly. Tell her that if it were up to you, you would not notice all the things she does that make your house a home.

If this is true for you, share with her that you also like it when you find she has time to relax, put her feet up, or soak in the tub; how that kind of feminine expression makes her attractive to you. Then tell her you want to help around the house.

Her Reaction May Vary

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Be Sure Your Relationship is Built on Real Love, Not Sympathy…

Nick Arrizza MD — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 19:15:55 +0000

When does love get confused for sympathy? Well simply when one has only received attention or caring, which they then interpret as "love", from others as a result of they’re being ill, depressed, or compromised in some way.

In other words they draw the "love" to themselves only when they take on what is a compromised position in their life.

Why It’s Bad

Unfortunately this can set in motion a behavior pattern where the individual feels this is the only viable way they can elicit "love" from others. I keep placing the quotations on the word love because clearly what is being received is not love at all.

Instead it is likely driven by feelings of sympathy that the individual unconsciously attempts to evoke in others .

In doing so they have accomplished two things.

First, they have adopted a victim like stance in relation to others. This is equivalent to making themselves appear helpless and believe themselves to be such.

Secondly by doing the above they have attempted to make others feel responsible for them in a somewhat underhanded or manipulative manner. They feel this is necessary because they’ve never experienced receiving love in any other way thus, deep down believe themselves to be unlovable. In this they a sense an emptiness that must be filled in the only way they know how.

A Recipe For Destruction

Unfortunately this is a recipe for destruction of their relationships as others begin to tire of their repeated efforts to "steal" some "love".

This pattern is commonly experienced in many relationships and in some cases has become the foundation upon which they are formed. It’s also a big reason why many relationships fail.

So what can be done about this problem?

Well, first one must recognize that it exists.

Next one must recognize its destructive nature on their relationships and their lives.

Finally one must make a choice to release this destructive pattern and reconnect to the well spring of love which lives right inside them.

It may surprise you that indeed one of the reasons one feels disconnected from this inner source of love is because of the existence of programmed early memories of the kind mentioned earlier i.e. of getting "love" when down.

These memories keep one disconnected from one’s inner love thus making them feel the emptiness inside that compulsively drives the destructive attention seeking behavior.

By releasing the memories this program becomes extinguished easily and rapidly and the emptiness is replaced with feelings of self love, wholeness, completeness and a sense of OK’ness.

Five Tips for Creating Soulful Intimacy In Your Relationship

Sarah Elizabeth Malinak — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 15:35:16 +0000

There are times in life when we experience intimacy in natural, spontaneous ways. Consider love at first glance.

Someone who was a stranger is now in your life 24/7 and crazy about you! Suddenly, parts of your life that were private are now on display to the one you love but with whom love hasn’t been tested.

For instance, putting potato chips on your sandwich in front of him or her makes you feel awkward with the intimacy of the exposure of a funny, little detail of your life! The first time you get naked together makes you tingle all over from the vulnerability. Intimacy that is the result of love at first glance is easy.

It is when we have been in love for a while that we need to turn our attention once again to intimacy. We can create the kind of intimacy that will set our souls aflame! Following are five tips for creating soulful intimacy.

Speak and listen in a new way

Men and women communicate differently. Men like to get right to the point; therefore, they only have so much time and attention when it comes to listening. They want you to get to the point! Women, on the other hand, like to share nuances of insights and feelings when they communicate. Getting to the point for a woman might take several meandering twists and turns first.

One way to create soulful intimacy is to speak and listen in such a way that your partner feels seen and heard. When a woman gets right to the point, her man hears her in a completely new way, which is gratifying for both of them! When she listens with focused attention, he feels heard and appreciates this.

When he listens to her meandering thoughts and expressed feelings, she feels cherished. When he takes the risk to speak of his feelings, philosophy, and personal experience, she feels honored.

Without trying to morph into the opposite sex’s viewpoint, just every once in a while speak and listen the way he or she does. As simple as it sounds, doing so will make you feel you are taking one of those risks that makes you feel the kind of vulnerability that creates a fresh spurt of intimacy in the air between you.

Get imaginative with touch

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Why Is Masturbation So Taboo? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 13:00:54 +0000

There are many rumors and taboos associated with masturbation.

Does it cause blindness? Does it cause hairy palms? Is it wrong? Is it unhealthy? Does it cause premature ejaculation?

Exploring the origin of the taboo behind masturbation and the scientific studies associated with it can lead to a clearer understanding of what masturbation is and what it definitely isn’t.

Why is masturbation so taboo? Could this be one of the reasons that so many men suffer from premature ejaculation?

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Where did it go wrong?

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Do You Know The #1 Secret To A Truly Happy Relationship? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 13:32:44 +0000

It’s a question that just about everyone has asked at least at one point or another in their lives.

What is the secret to long term, happy relationships? Is there even a secret?

While there is no tried and true formula that you can follow to the letter to ensure you have a happy relationship for years to come, there are a few things you can do to make your relationship easier and more fulfilling.

What is the secret to long term happy relationships?

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Accepting your partner.

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Are My Sexual Fetishes And Kinky Fantasies Bad? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 13:46:16 +0000

Almost everyone has a sexual fetish or fantasy of some kind, but many people don’t like to admit it.

Society has put sort of a damper on being open and honest about what turns us on sexually, however, most of it is healthy and even natural.

Most fetishes and fantasies aside though, some of them can be dangerous or harmful. How do you know if what turns you on goes too far?

Are sexual fetishes bad?

Are fantasies healthy?

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Healthy Fetishes and Fantasies

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Is My Girlfriend Using Me Or Is Her Love Real? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 14:07:10 +0000

Usually it’s the other way around, but sometimes a man will be ready for a steady relationship and his girlfriend begins pulling away.

It can be confusing if you’ve started staying the night with your girlfriend or even taken the relationship to another level

when your girlfriend starts to pull away and act as though you and she are still in the beginning phase of the relationship.

What does it mean when a woman starts to pull away? What should you do if you’re ready for commitment and she’s not?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I started talking to this girl and we hooked up. Things escalated rather quickly and ended up with me staying with her. She dropped hints that she wasn’t actually ready for a relationship and while I was away on vacation, she told me to go back to my own place. We started hanging out again and then one day she asked me to stay the night. After that I have been staying there on and off. She is also dealing with a deep seated depression. She just started taking meds for it. The other day I noticed the change in her and now she is back to pushing me away. She is confusing me and I don’t know if I am wasting my time and she is just using me so she doesn’t have to feel alone. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

-DW, Tennessee

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She Wants To Remain Casual. . .

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Fight or Flight – How Men React To Divorce

Jason Likert — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 14:48:22 +0000

I think it’s important to understand the natural inclinations we have when we react to divorce. Each of us has a different response to things based on our previous experiences.

Fight or Flight – Which is Better?

As science has proven, our bodies and minds have two responses to stressors. It’s called the "flight or fight" response. Either we react by fighting back against whatever is causing us stress or we run away. Divorce, and all that is wrapped up into it, is definitely stressful. It’s stressful on us and it’s stressful on our family and especially our children.

It’s easy to want to run away from something. Many people are natural "withdrawers" when faced with difficulties. Divorce will punch you in the face if you let it. Running away and attempting to hide from your stressors will only lead you to more running. This time divorce will trip you up by the heels and lay into you while you’re trying to get back up.

Standing up and facing your fear and uncertainty is a different choice. There are people who are "attackers" who like to solve problems. There’s a certain synergy that’s created when you start to stand up to the things that are bothering you and dealing with them on a rational level.

There are times in our lives where we do either of these things. Sure, we have a tendency to lean one way or the other but everyone handles stress by either attacking or withdrawing based upon the situation.

My Best Advice to Anyone Going Through Divorce

Man or woman. You’ve heard this before but I am emphatically urging you to:

Go get a lawyer.

It’s the easiest, though not always cheap, answer to dealing with the stress of divorce. We all want to separate amicably. It’s a worthy goal. I was that way too. Unfortunately in the beginning I ignored this advice and it cost me in the long term. Your lawyer will handle much of the stress and anxiety for you. He or she will be the one sending letters to your soon-to-be-ex-spouses’ lawyer.

Divorce is a Business Decision

Divorce, once the process is engaged, is a business decision. It’s no longer about emotional needs. You may love future ex, but in the end you need to look out for you and your children. This is business. I’m not telling you to take your ex to the cleaners, I’m urging you to take care of yourself. You can still have an amicable divorce with lawyers (or mediators involved) and you’ll also be aware of your rights.

You Can Run But You Can’t Hide From Divorce

The energy you get running is energy that could be spent protecting you and your children. If you’re unfortunate enough to be getting divorce just realize that there are many ways for you to take charge of your life and not let the stress overwhelm you.

Jason Likert is the founder of DivorcedDadsOnline.com. The goal of DivorcedDadsOnline.com is to provide a support network for divorced (and divorcing) fathers and common-sense advice for parents whether divorced or married.

The Little Known Secret to Getting What You Want From Your Partner

Melody Brooke — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 12:59:13 +0000

Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Really!

He leaves his things on the floor and then gripes about the house being a mess. He doesn’t seem to get it that I want him to listen to my feelings. He is so distant and in his head all the time. Why doesn’t he act like he cares about me?

That woman! She always acts like she knows the best way to do everything, and she is never listens to what I have to say and get irritated with me over the most stupid things. Why doesn’t she pay more attention to the important things? I hate it when she makes such a mess with her stuff in the bathroom and leaves those bottles everywhere.

Nagging At and About Our Mates is Almost a Way of Life

We build up a case against the person that we love the most and then wonder why they are unhappy with us. When couples come in for therapy they inevitably have a long list of complaints about their spouse. They have been unhappy with their spouse for years for one reason or another. They don’t like this. They don’t like that. By the time the come into see me they are convinced that their partner has been doing everything wrong and what they really want (though they won’t always admit this) is for me to tell their partner what is wrong with them and to help them fix their partners problems.

It is a rare event to have someone come in for therapy who understands that they, as a couple, have a problem and that it’s not one or the other’s fault.

The first few sessions are generally spent with both partners laying out their case against their partner and looking to me for validation. Then I begin explaining to them that they are each responsible for what has become a laundry list. Rather than spending all of their resources and energy pointing out each other’s flaws, they need to focus instead on what the other is doing right. I don’t know what it is about our culture that makes us focus on the problems rather than the blessings in our lives, but we do.

Is Your Partner Really That Terrible

Letting ourselves focus on the blessings our mates bring to us helps us to encourage the very traits we most want to build upon. We want our partners to listen to us, to support us, to care about what we care about. We want them to show us they love us through the things they say and do. How do we get that when our partners seem so far from being able to provide it? We start with “catching them being good”. We notice aloud the things they do that we appreciate and value. We refrain from nagging about the things we don’t like and we praise and celebrate the things that we appreciate about our partners. The more we share our positive feelings with them about what we like, the more likely it is those behaviors will be repeated. They will feel loved and appreciated and we get what we want.

Why is that so hard for us?

For one…

Dating, Relationships, Love, & Sex… See Dan and Jennifer LIVE on YouTube!

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 21:45:14 +0000

See Dan & Jennifer LIVE on YouTube!

We’ve finally done it… We’re uploading videos ‘almost’ daily about dating and relationship questions, sex tips, online dating advice, and more…

You name it, it’s there. If you don’t see what you’re looking for, let us know and we’ll film it.

Click here to visit Our YouTube Channel
Be sure to subscribe to our channel on YouTube and vote for your favorite videos!

Here’s our first ever video. This is the uncut and uncensored version so the laughs and bloopers are included.