Ask Dan and Jennifer » advice

When A Woman Tries To Control, Rescue, Or Fix Her Man

Sarah Elizabeth Malinak — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:00:54 +0000

Every once in awhile I get to experience what it’s like for a man when a woman tries to control, rescue, or fix him. Every time it happens, I get a hint of how humiliating it is for men to have women mother them in this way.

Did you know that women do to other women what they do to men? They try to control, rescue, and fix their friends. I don’t know how other women react to it but I don’t like it. I have a mother. She’s the perfect mother for me and I don’t need another woman attempting to fill that role. Gentlemen, does this sound familiar?

Depending on which woman friend in my life attempts to control, rescue, or fix me determines the degree to which I feel humiliated by her efforts. Some friends are so endearing in their approach that I can’t resist them. To be perfectly honest, when I get in the same mothering mode, I try to be as endearing as possible! I admit it is sheer manipulation meant to make me feel better about interfering in my friends’ (or my husband’s) lives. Yet I can fall for the manipulation when it’s delivered in a sweet and loving way.

Manipulation vs. Sheer Will

Today, I felt manipulated in a way that irritated me. A friend interrupted my attempts to clean up after a social event. I thought I was done clearing away trash and had washed my hands. She had more to add to the garbage bag. Because I mentioned I’d washed my hands, she tried to take the task away from me whereas I’d resigned myself to complete the task and just wash my hands again. She argued with me and tried to physically take over. I wouldn’t let her and as I was finally finishing up, she shoved one of those hand gels in front of my face to rescue me from having to rewash my hands! I chuckled and said, “No thank you. I’d just as soon wash them again.” She sort of stormed away at that point.

Why didn’t I just let her take over? Because I took pride in the task and wanted to take care of it myself. With each attempt on her part to rescue me, I felt increasingly manipulated and patronized. If you are a woman reading this article, you might not be able to empathize. But if you are a man reading this article, I bet you understand. It feels awful to have a woman try to mother you by attempting to control, rescue, or fix you. When you are handling any situation, you don’t need rescuing. And if you need help, you will ask for it!

So, to help my female readers gain some empathy with a man on this issue, let me put it another way. Chances are you have someone in your life that makes you feel patronized every time she belittles your efforts, tries to rescue you as though you are a child, or attempts to make you better by making you over in her image. If you will bring that person to mind and remember what it feels like to be treated thus, I guarantee you can empathize with your man when he resents your attempts to make him better – or make him over.

When Women Manipulate Men

For my gentleman readers, if you have a lady in your life who tries to control, rescue, or fix you; pay attention the next time she complains about the manipulative woman in her life. Then the next day (not in the same conversation), gently and lovingly say, “Would you like for me to confide in you something that is very tender for me? Something that makes me feel vulnerable with you? Sometimes you want me to open up. I have something to share but I need you to really listen to me. Are you ready?”

She’ll look at you with big, puppy dog eyes ready to lap up this self-disclosure. Depending on her personality, you may have to add, “Now, this may strike you as offensive but if you’ll stay with me, I think we can help each other and improve our relationship. Would you like to try?”

“YES!” she replies.

Then in your own words and as gently as possible tell her that the way she feels when her friend patronizes her is how you feel when she tries to ________ fill in the blank______.

When He Opens Up

If you are gentle and loving and if her heart is in the relationship, she ought to be able to hear you. Tempers might flare a little bit. But if you stay with wanting to let her know how you feel rather than make her wrong, you will go far with this. You can even say, “Listen, this is a problem all men have. It takes even less manipulation for us to feel the way you feel when your most manipulative friend does her number on you. I’m just laying it all out here. Because the more you trust me to be the man, to take care of things in my own way, the happier you will be because there will be less tension.”

I have one more piece of advice. If your woman is the kind who takes advantage of your opening up in order to dig really deep inside you, don’t let her. Assure her that this piece is huge. It’s enormous! If she will absorb the information and integrate it over the next several days, she will see how very much she has been given with this one self-revealing topic.

Ladies, if you can respect how meaningful this is and not require him to go deeper or share more, you’ll reap big benefits. In addition, within about twenty-four hours, you’ll have your new understanding tested as something happens and you find yourself itching to control, rescue, or fix him. The real work begins when you choose to not go there!

Q&A: Is My Boyfriend Only In It For The Sex? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 14:00:00 +0000

When you’re in a sexual relationship with someone, things can get complicated. Lots of questions can come up, and many of them can be difficult to discuss with your partner. If your partner wants to have sex all the time, it might make you wonder if your partner is only in it for the sex, or do they really enjoy your company? How can you tell?

Question: I think my current boyfriend may be in it only for the sex (everyone says he’s a sex addict). The first month was amazing and now it’s just like he only wants to hang if we are going to have sex. How can I tell if he’s just into it for the sex?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Does A High Sex Drive Mean They Don’t Love You?

In this situation, it’s important not to confuse your partner having a high sex drive with their feelings for you. If your partner has a high sex drive, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you or don’t enjoy spending time with you if you’re not having sex. Your partner may just have a large sexual appetite. Ask yourself this – does your partner only want to spend time with you if he knows that sex will be involved or does he simply want to have sex with you when you’re together? If it’s the latter, it doesn’t mean he wants you only for sex – it just means that he really likes having sex with you!

Listen To Your Gut

It can be difficult to distinguish whether your partner wants you just for sex or just really likes having sex with you a lot. No one can tell you the answer to this question – it’s something you have to find out yourself. Listen to your gut and follow your instincts. How does he act when you’re together and not having sex? What does he say when he’s away from you? Try letting your partner know that you want to have a date or spend time with him where there’s no sex involved, because you really enjoy his company. What is his reaction? Just be careful not to place blame on him or criticize him while you’re still trying to find out what his true motives are. If he really does care for you, finding out that you think he’s only in it for the sex might be very hurtful to him.

If He’s In It For The Sex

If you find out that your partner is just in it for the sex, consider letting him go and moving on – just make sure that you’re confident that he’s only in the relationship for sex or you might be giving up a relationship with someone who truly cares about you. However, if you’re really sure that he only wants sex, don’t stay with him because you think you won’t meet anyone else or because you think youll be able to make him care for you. There are many people out there who will want to have a fulfilling relationship with you, sexually and emotionally.

Is Phone Dating Better Than Online Dating Or Facebook? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 21:00:51 +0000

Finding a date these days isn’t as easy as walking into a bar or cafe and checking someone out – in fact, it’s easier and you can do it from your own home! Many dating outlets exist today, including online dating, Facebook and phone dating. What is the best way to find a date – online or on the phone?

Click here to view the embedded video.

The Benefits Of Phone Dating

There are many benefits of phone dating, some of them similar to online or Facebook dating. With phone dating, you can meet people and talk to them in real time, without ever leaving the comfort of your own home. It’s a great way for people who are shy or people who don’t like traditional dating to meet and get to know other people. With phone dating, you don’t have a long profile to fill out or questions to answer about yourself like you do with online dating. You don’t even have to upload a photo, so you can get to know others without them judging you first based on how you look. Also, phone dating is great for people who aren’t computer savvy or who simply don’t want to be on the computer.

Protecting Your Privacy

Phone dating is a great way to protect your privacy and identity while getting to know potential dates. Phone dating services such as Livelinks connects you to other people through their phone system, so your phone number stays completely anonymous. Even online dating or Facebook does not afford as much privacy as phone dating can, and for many people, staying completely anonymous is essential. Although you are anonymous during phone dating, it is much more personal than a simple email or comment left on an online dating profile or a Facebook page. Never underestimate the power of talking to someone one on one and having a real, honest conversation with them. With phone dating, you can really get a feel for people in a way that you can’t with dating over the Internet.

Making It Work

Phone dating, like online dating or Facebook dating, can be a great start to a relationship or friendship, but it is not going to keep a relationship afloat without the intimacy of meeting someone face to face. To make phone dating really work, you have to be open to arranging to meet someone you’re interested in after having a few great conversations with them. Remember to always meet in a public place, preferably during the day or at least in a well lit area if you’re going in the evening, and make sure you let a friend or someone else know where you’re going. Phone dating is a wonderful way to meet someone great, but it’s important to take steps to keep yourself safe just in case. If you’ve never used a phone dating service to meet someone, try it for free – it might be just what you need to give your dating life the boost you’ve been looking for!

Try Livelinks Chatline for free at 1.866.984.2428

Q&A: Should We Take Ecstasy To Improve Our Sex Life? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 14:29:39 +0000

It can be tempting to try just about anything to spice up your sex life. If you’ve heard of ecstasy, you probably know that many people who have taken it have said it gave them the “best sex of their lives.” Is this true? Is ecstasy safe to take? Should you take ecstasy to make your sex life hotter?

Question: My boyfriend & I have been together for about a year. Our friends have told us that ecstasy is good for the sex life.
I kinda want to try it. I would like to know what you think. What should I do?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Ecstasy And Sex

While many people believe that ecstasy can enhance sex, it only does so for a short time. Often, people who have sex on ecstasy report eventually not being able to have satisfying sex at all without the drug and therefore become addicted to sex on ecstasy. Not only can the drug eventually ruin your sex life unless you have it, it can also be dangerous to your health. Many teens and adults who are sold what they think is ecstasy are actually unknowingly taking other drugs that can easily cause overdose, convulsions, bleeding out and death. Since ecstasy is difficult to manufacture due to the inability to easily obtain its controlled ingredients, other dangerous but easier to get ingredients are substituted, changing the drug’s composition into something unknown. Even ecstasy that contains only the true ingredients of the drug can cause long term depression, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping and an overdose can cause more serious problems including death. Taking ecstasy to make sex hotter is a personal choice, but is it worth the risk? Probably not.

Having A Great Sex Life Without Drugs

It is possible to have an amazing, fantastic sex life with your partner that absolutely rocks your world every time you have sex without the use of dangerous drugs. Trying new things in the bedroom can help spice up your sex life, and you can even try visiting a sex therapist to get some pointers on how to become emotionally and sexually closer to your partner so you can start experiencing explosive sex. Even if your sex life seems dull right now, you can give it a jolt without the dangers of using drugs.

Tantric Sex

Tantric sex is a great way to feel emotionally and sexually close to your partner, and many people who regularly practice Tantric sex report that each and every time is amazing. Learning how to use Tantric sex to make your sex life unforgettable isn’t hard – there are many books and websites devoted to this form of sex. Tantric sex helps you to learn how to balance your body, mind and spirit and become open to giving and receiving pleasure. There are many elements of Tantric sex that will be new to you, and it can help make your sex life more interesting and exciting than you ever thought possible. Tantric sex will also help to improve the emotional connection you have with your partner, and great sex comes more easily to two people who are deeply connected on an emotional and spiritual level.

Q&A: Shouldn’t My Girlfriend Want Sex More Often? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 14:00:24 +0000

If your partner wants sex less than you, it can be frustrating. Whether it’s the quality of sex or the quantity of it that is suffering, it’s no fun when she just isn’t that into it. What causes a woman’s sex drive to decrease, or even become non-existent? Is there something wrong? What can you do?

Question: My girlfriend is good with sex once or twice a month. She doesnt crave it! She is 26. Shouldn’t she?

–YouTube Viewer

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Different People, Different Needs

Sexual needs – as well as physical and emotional needs – aren’t the same for men as they are for women and these needs can even differ from person to person. There isn’t a “right” or “wrong” amount of sex to crave or want, and various people can be satisfied by very little sex while others just can’t get enough. What makes a sexual relationship a good one is if two people’s sexual needs match. If you and your partner both want lots of sex, you can easily satisfy each other. If neither you nor your partner needs a lot of sex to satisfy your sexual desires, no one in the relationship is lacking. It’s important to find a way to be compatible with your partner sexually, in both quantity and quality.

Make Sure She Enjoys Sex

One reason a woman can become disinterested in sex is if sex literally becomes disinteresting to her. If she’s not enjoying sex, and it’s simply becoming a job to her or another thing on her to-do list, she’s not going to want it very often. Make sure she’s getting as much out of sex as you are. If she’s not, there’s simply no reason for her to have sex. Make an effort to give her an orgasm every time, and do things she enjoys doing in the bedroom. Communicate with her and ask her what turns her on and what her fantasies are.

Why She Might Not Want Sex

Sometimes in a woman’s life, sex is great – when you can find time to enjoy it. A woman who is tired all the time from work, or stressed out because of kids or other resp0nsibilities will quickly find her need for sex dwindling. If your partner is overwhelmed, try taking some of the strain off her by offering to cook dinner or do the laundry. If you have kids, get a babysitter for a night and let your partner just relax. Even if you don’t have sex that night, she’ll be in a better frame of mind to be able to enjoy sex another night. Another contributing factor for a decreased sex drive is medical problems or medications. Certain medical conditions – such as depression or even physical problems – can be responsible for a non-existent sex drive. Some medications can also cause a decrease in sex drive, including medications for anxiety and depression.

If you have tried talking to your partner, learning how to give her great orgasms and pleasure during sex, and tried taking some of her daily stress away and she still isn’t responding with an improved sexual appetite, consider visiting your doctor for the next step.

Q&A: How Can I Get Her To Let Me Finish In Her Mouth? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 14:00:06 +0000

It’s no secret that guys absolutely love blowjobs. In fact, many men would prefer getting a blowjob to having sex. Some women, however, don’t like giving men oral sex and especially don’t like the idea of swallowing semen when he has an orgasm. Is there any way to get a girl turned on by the idea of giving her man oral sex?

Question: Hello, I am 32 and been with my girlfriend for 9 years. In the past, we have had oral sex a lot and in the past 4 years it has went downhill at 65 mph. She would rather stroke it off or just have sex. She on the other hand loves receiving oral sex. How can I get her to give me oral and finish the job? She doesn’t like the taste, and the thought of it makes her sick. I crave it very badly!

–YouTube Viewer

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Improving The Taste Of Your Semen

The biggest complaint that women have about giving oral sex is that they don’t like the taste of semen. Some men’s semen is bitter, or too salty, and just doesn’t taste good going down. If your partner has no problem with the temperature or texture of semen – only the taste of it – there are some ways you can improve the taste of your ejaculate. Start by eliminating toxins such as alcohol and cigarettes if you smoke, and add lots of vegetables and fruits to your diet. Pineapple juice or fresh pineapple is a great way to quickly make your semen taste sweeter. You can try to compromise with your partner and let her know that you’re doing things to improve the taste of your ejaculate and ask her if she’ll try again.

Don’t Pressure Her

Many women don’t like the temperature or texture of semen, and no amount of fresh pineapple will change that. If your partner really doesn’t like the idea of you finishing in her mouth and swallowing your ejaculate, don’t pressure her. There are just some things that many women won’t do, and swallowing is one of them. Don’t make a big deal out of it, because you may end up getting cut off from getting a blowjob all together, if that hasn’t already happened. If your partner has made it clear that letting you finish in her mouth is just something she’s not willing to do, pressing the issue could do damage to your relationship both sexually and emotionally. It’s important that on this issue, you respect her wishes if you can’t reach a compromise with her.

Trying Different Things

There are many different things you and your partner can do in the bedroom to satisfy each other sexually. If you are uncomfortable doing something or your partner is, make an effort to find something else that you both like to do and can agree on. Try incorporating role play, light bondage or sex toys into the bedroom to heat things up, or take a break from sex all together for awhile - called ”sex detox” – to help restart your engines. Don’t give up on finding new ways to please your partner and receive pleasure yourself , because there is always something new to try!

Q&A: Is My Girl Pregnant? How Can I Tell? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 21:00:16 +0000

Wondering if you got a girl pregnant or not can definitely get you stressed out and worried in an instant. Many women show signs of pregnancy, even in the early stages of pregnancy, and some women show no signs at all. How can you tell if a girl is pregnant? Is there a surefire way to find out if she is pregnant or not?

Question: How do you know if your girl is pregnant? I’m a guy & am a little worried I did get her pregnant, and am curious as to the signs.

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Signs Of Pregnancy

Some women exhibit signs of pregnancy and sometimes do so even before they know they are pregnant. Many signs of pregnancy include irritability, fatigue, sore breasts and cramping without bleeding. The most common sign of pregnancy is a missed period. None of these signs, however, will definitively tell you whether a girl is pregnant or not. Many other health conditions – and even something as simple as stress – can cause some or all of these symptoms in women. Also, many women can be pregnant and not exhibit any signs of pregnancy, including continuing having what seems like a monthly period throughout pregnancy.

Home Pregnancy Tests

The easiest and fastest way to determine pregnancy for yourself is to purchase a home pregnancy test. There is no age limit on pregnancy tests, so anyone can buy them. Pregnancy tests range from more expensive digital models to simple ones that are available at dollar stores. A pregnancy test detects HCg – a hormone called human chorionic gonadatropin – and is only produced by a woman during pregnancy. Some pregnancy tests can detect this hormone as early as five or six days before a woman’s expected period, and a positive result is almost 100% accurate. A false negative is more likely, simply because some women do not produce enough HCg to register on the test until they’re well into pregnancy. When purchasing a pregnancy test, get two. Take the first one the earliest the box says you can and no earlier. If it’s positive, take the other. If that is positive, schedule an appointment with your doctor. If the first test is negative, wait a week and take the other. If it is still negative, you’re probably in the clear. However, a missed period with a negative pregnancy test still needs to be investigated by a physician.

Seeing The Doctor

A doctor can determine pregnancy with a blood test, a urine test (much like a home pregnancy test) or a physical exam. If you’ve gotten a positive result on a pregnancy test, your doctor will automatically repeat the urine analysis, in addition to other tests to confirm the pregnancy. If you’ve missed a period and are still having negative pregnancy results, your doctor will likely take blood and perform a physical exam to determine if a pregnancy exists.

While stressing out about a possible unwanted pregnancy is common, there’s nothing you can accomplish by worrying. The best way to put your mind at ease is to practice safer sex to begin with – or starting now, if you’re lucky enough to have had only a pregnancy scare.

Q&A: How Can We Spice Up Our Sex Life? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 14:00:58 +0000

Often in relationships, especially steady and monogomous relationships, sex can get a little boring or dull. Does that mean your sex life is over, or you have to find a new partner to have a good sex life? Hardly! Here are some great ideas you can incorporate into the bedroom to spice up your sex life – and your relationship will likely improve too!

Question: My love and I have been sexually active for almost 4 years now. We have tried just about everything in the bedroom from romance to role play, to toys and a little friendly torture. As of lately things are a bit dull. How can I spice things up to make her, myself, and our relationship get a breath of fresh air, without making possible awkward suggestions?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Sexual Detox

If your sex life seems to be lacking – regardless of what you do to spice it up – you might be burnt out on sex all together. Often, when sex gets boring, one or both partners throw themselves into an effort of making it better. Therefore, many couples end up having sex more often and trying new things in the bedroom, all without actually improving the quality of their sex lives. If this is your story, it might be time for a break – something called “Sex Detox.” Ian Kerner’s book of the same name details how you can use a thirty day break from sex to your advantage to take your sex life from “blah” to the way it used to be.

“Thrill Of The Chaste”

Ian Kerner says what makes sex detox work is the “thrill of the chaste.” When you and your partner first got together, every kiss and every touch was electric. Why? Because it was new. Your body and mind weren’t accustomed to them. By actively abstaining from sex for at least a month, you and your partner can re-create those feelings. Once again, each touch will become all new again. Your body will react differently to a touch that it is not accustomed to, and you’ll begin to experience your partner in a different way.

The Difference Between Not Having Sex And Choosing Not To Have Sex

Often in a relationship, daily stresses take their toll on sex. Kids, careers and housekeeping all get in the way of a great sex life. Often, couples are so tired by the time they step foot in the bedroom that they simply can’t bring themselves to do anything but hit the sack – literally. Instead of letting your life stop you from having sex, make the decision that you’re going to not have sex for a month yourself. Instead of being too tired to have sex, you’ll be trying not to have sex. The shift in mentality makes a huge difference, because as human beings, we all want something more when we’re trying to do without it, just like how good chocolate cake looks and smells when you’re on a diet. Once your diet is over, that chocolate cake will taste even better! The same applies with going on a sexual “diet” from your partner. You and your partner will constantly be tempting and enticing each other in a way that you never have before!

Pleasing Your Partner With A Strap On

Kaylen Jackson — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 14:00:04 +0000

If you and your partner are looking for something to spice up your sex life, you may want to consider pleasing your partner with a strap on. In this alternative to traditional anal sex, a woman will wear a strap on dildo and please her partner anally, focusing on stimulating the prostate gland. Some men, however, are adverse to this idea – here’s how to find out if you can please your man with a strap on.

Introducing The Idea

Many women enjoy the idea of having sex with their partner with a strap on. It gives them the feeling of power and lets them experience a different side of sex altogether. Some men enjoy being on the receiving end, however, many men do not relish the idea at all. How can you find out if your man would like being pleased anally with a strap on? First, try traditional anal sex and let your partner please you anally. This is a good way to introduce him to the idea of anal play at all. Communicate with him how much it turns you on. Also, try a few roleplaying activities that allow your partner to take the role of the submissive. This is a great way to allow him to explore being submissive without diving right into anal play. If he enjoys anal sex with you and enjoys being submissive sometimes, browse a sex toy store online and let him suggest a few toys he would like to play with.

Getting Him Warmed Up

Don’t start by outright suggesting he try being on the receiving end of a strap on. Instead, give him plenty of time to warm up to anal play by purchasing a few small anal toys, such as anal beads or small butt plugs, and use lots and lots of silicone or water based lubricant. Never use desensitizing lube, because if it is painful or uncomfortable, he should stop. Once your partner really gets into anal play, try taking a look at a smaller sized dildo with a strap on. Let him know it could be a toy for both of you to enjoy!

Do’s And Don’ts Of Strap On Play

Don’t try any kind of anal play without lots of lube.
Don’t force your partner into a submissive role or strap on play if that isn’t where he wants to be.
Listen to him if he tells you something makes him uncomfortable or becomes painful.
Start small and work your way up. Always use toys and dildos that have a wide base on the end of them to prevent the anal toy from being lodged in the anus. You don’t want to risk it not being able to get back out.
Start slow and go slow. Anal play is not the time to be rough – stuff can tear back there!
Have a safety word and use it if one of you becomes uncomfortable.
Be open to ideas that your partner wants to try too – let him share something with you that really turns him on and make a vow to try it with him.

How To Watch Porn With Your Partner

Kaylen Jackson — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 14:00:40 +0000

Just about every guy likes watching porn – and most women don’t like it. But what if you watched porn with your partner? Could watching porn with your man make your sex life better? Absolutely – and you might learn a thing or two. Next time you’re at the video store, rent a naughty flick or purchase one online. Set aside a night one week that you and your partner can watch the movie together – just leave plenty of time for afterwards too!

What Not To Do When Watching Porn With Your Partner

Don’t ask your partner to pick out what he likes. You might not like the answer. Instead, choose a flick that you and he agree on and has elements that turn you both on.
Don’t ask him to compare the woman in the movie to you in either looks or technique. This is a common mistake that many women make when watching porn with their partner, but it can be disastrous. Your partner doesn’t know the right answer to this – because no answer is a good answer.
Don’t compare any men in the video to your man – at all - especially if you’re commenting on penis size.
Don’t try to use porn to solve emotional or sexual problems in your relationship. If you and your partner aren’t both confident and open with each other, it will likely make any underlying issues you have worse.
Don’t be afraid to tell your partner that you’re uncomfortable with something. If a certain movie or technique makes you uncomfortable – especially if he wants you to try it – let your partner know that it’s just not something that you’re comfortable with. Don’t be critical or judge him because it’s something that turns him on – simply suggest something else that you would both like.

What You Should Do When You Watch Porn With Your Partner

Keep an open mind!
Try watching amateur porn if you’re uncomfortable with pornography actors.
Try making your own porn with your camcorder and watching it instead of traditional pornography. This can be a great learning experience too, because it allows both you and your partner to see your sexual techniques from a different point of view and can give you new ideas on how to improve your sexual skills.
Watch the movie naked with your partner – it will be easier to allow the video to transition smoothly into sex with your partner.
Have a “porn night.” Once a week or once a month, have a night that is completely dedicated to watching porn with your partner and incorporating new moves into your sexual routine.
Try watching different styles of porn to keep things from getting boring.
Have a few toys and some lube handy while watching the sexy flick. You’ll never know what you’ll be inspired to do!
Remember that the best way to do something, such as giving your partner a blowjob or receiving oral sex from him, is not necessarily the way the porn stars do it. Do the things that your partner enjoys and listen to their body language to let you know if you’re getting it right – don’t just assume you’re doing what your partner likes just because the porn stars did it.

Q&A: Can I Get STD’s If We’re Both Virgins? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 14:00:40 +0000

If you’re a virgin having sex for the first time with another virgin, you may think you’re free and clear when it comes to STD’s. Unfortunately, being a virgin and having sex with a virgin is not a guarantee that you won’t contract an STD. Are sexually transmitted diseases transferred only through sex or can they be transferred other ways as well? How can you avoid contracting an STD?

Question: I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years now, what we usually do when it comes to sex is oral. He is my first and so am I to him. My question is if we are both “virgins” is there still a possibility either of us can get an STD or something similar?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

STD’s And Sex

Many sexually transmitted diseases don’t require sex to be spread. HIV, AIDS and hepatitis A, B and C can all be spread through blood to blood contact as well as through contact with sexual fluids such as semen or vaginal fluids. Other less serious sexually transmitted diseases, such as crabs (pubic lice) or scabies, can be contracted from simple skin to skin contact (even a hug or handshake) although this is very, very rare. Many of these less serious STD’s are also transmitted from simple genital to genital contact, such as herpes, which doesn’t require any penetration or sexual fluid sharing at all to be contracted.

How To Make Yourself Safer

Sex is part of a healthy, happy and fulfilled lifestyle. Everyone craves sexual intimacy and contact with their partner and that’s completely natural. While the only way to be 100% sure that you won’t contract a sexually transmitted disease from your partner is to abstain from having sex with them, that is a difficult choice to make. If you want to have sex with your partner, take steps to make yourself as safe as possible before heading to the bedroom.

Get to know your partner, and know how many people they’ve slept with. Are they promiscuous, or a virgin? Is the probability that they have contracted a sexually transmitted disease fairly high or almost non-existent?
You can also request that your partner have a thorough STD test done by their doctor or local health department before having sex with them and offer to provide your test results with them as well.
Make sure that a condom is worn at all times to decrease the risk of contracting more serious STD’s such as hepatitis and HIV or AIDS. Oral sex can also spread sexually transmitted diseases, so make sure to use a dental dam for cunnilingus and a condom for fellatio.
Consider limiting the number of people you choose to have sex with, and give yourself some time to choose wisely. Choosing to have sex – even protected – with a variety of sexual partners automatically increases your chances of contracting a sexually transmitted disease

You can still enjoy sexual intimacy and closeness with your partner - even more so – if you choose to take steps to make sex safer for both you and your partner.

Q&A: Ladies – Masturbation And Your Period (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 14:00:09 +0000

When teenagers and women begin masturbating, with it comes lots of questions. If you’ve begun having your monthly cycle or have been having your cycle and it suddenly stops in conjunction with regular masturbation, you may be wondering if masturbation is to blame for the disappearance of your period. Is this something that can happen, or is something else going on? Here’s what you want to know about masturbation and your period.

Question: If you masturbate, does it stop you from getting your period? If so, for how long?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Masturbating During Your Period

There is nothing wrong with masturbating during your period. It may be a little messy depending on how you like to masturbate, but many women enjoy masturbating during their monthly cycle and simply do so in the bath or shower. Masturbating during your period is also not harmful to your body at all and the stimulation can actually help loosen some of the tissue that is being shed so your body doesn’t have to work so hard to expel it. Many women report that having orgasms during their period help to lessen the pain of menstural cramps. Choosing to masturbate or abstaining from masturbationg during your period is simply a matter of preference.

Can Masturbation Stop Your Period

If your period has suddenly stopped, you may be wondering what is going on. If you masturbate regularly or have recently masturbated, it may seem logical to link masturbation to the change in your menstrual flow. Generally, the period doesn’t stop during or right after masturbation. In fact, masturbation often increases the flow of a woman’s period. But if you’re expecting your period and it doesn’t come, you might think that masturbation is to blame. You may also feel that masturbation could be to blame if your periods become irregular, or they suddenly become lighter or heavier than usual. The truth is that masturbation can’t stop your period – regardless of what you do or how you do it. It also can’t make your menstrual flow become irregular or give you a lighter menstrual flow.

Seeing Your Doctor

If you’ve stopped your period, or you’ve had a noticeable change in your menstruation, you need to think about some of the things that could possibly be the culprit here because it’s not masturbation. One of the biggest things that causes a monthly cycle to cease is pregnancy. Pregnancy can sometimes cause a cycle to become irregular, or simply just lighter than usual, although this is rare. Other things that could affect the flow of your period are hormonal changes and eating disorders such as anorexia. It is important to see your doctor if you’ve experienced a significant change in your menstrual flow, including a menstrual flow that suddenly becomes irregular or stops completely. There may be an underlying cause that you don’t yet know about that needs to be taken care of. There is no way to know what has caused the change in your monthly cycle unless you discuss the changes with your doctor.

Q&A: When She Says You Deserve Someone Better (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 21:00:24 +0000

Asking a girl out, or telling a girl that you have romantic feelings for her, can be intimidating. If she returns your feelings, great. If she doesn’t, that’s ok too. But what if she tells you that you deserve someone better? What does it mean? Does she like you but have poor self esteem, or is she just trying to let you down easy? Here’s how you can figure out this difficult situation.

Question: What do you do when you tell her how you feel about her but she says you deserve someone better?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

She’s Letting You Down Easy

Sometimes women find it difficult to let a guy down if she doesn’t return his feelings. She doesn’t want to hurt him, so she finds a way to blame herself instead of just saying that she doesn’t have romantic feelings for you. This may be the case if you’ve revealed your romantic feelings for her and she’s told you that you “deserve someone better.” She may be too afraid to tell you the truth.

She Has Poor Self Esteem

Many women have poor self esteem and if she’s told you that you deserve someone better than her, she may really believe it. She may feel like she’s worthless, or that she doesn’t deserve a healthy, happy relationship. There are many reasons that a woman may feel this way and it has nothing to do with you. She may have had self esteem issues for years, stemming from childhood. It may have to do with her parents or an old, abusive boyfriend. It may even be more than one issue that contributes to her self esteem issues. Regardless of where her poor self esteem stems from, the end result is the same – she can’t commit to a relationship or even begin dating someone because she doesn’t feel like she deserves it. It can be difficult though, to figure out whether she’s telling you that you deserve someone better because she has low self esteem or because she’s trying to let you down easy.

Ask Her To Be Honest With You

The only way to find out what her true motivations are in this situation is to ask her to be truthful with you. Don’t be angry or critical – just be open with her and encourage her to be open and honest with you as well. Tell her that no matter what, you won’t judge her for whatever is going on in her life. Let her know that even if she doesn’t return your romantic feelings and that’s why she told you that you deserve someone better, you’ll understand and that you can be friends if she wants or nothing at all. If she truly has poor self esteem, it’s important to let her know that you want to be there for her and that she’s worth a good relationship. She may not respond right away, but showing that you care for her may lead to a friendship which may turn into a romantic relationship at some point when she feels ready.

Q&A: How To Shave Male Genitals (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 14:00:41 +0000

Whether you want to shave or trim your pubic hair for yourself or your partner really wants to see you clean and smooth, shaving your genitals may seem like a daunting task. Cutting yourself in your most sensitive places is not something you want to do! Here’s how you can shave or trim your genitals quickly and easily without cutting yourself and get lasting, baby smooth results.

Question: Could you give advice on how to shave your male genital area without cutting yourself? I’m afraid if I use a shaving razor that I might cut myself and one of my testicles will fall out.

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Tools For The Job

To start, using a straight blade, a dull razor or just trying to shave quickly with soap and water (or worse, dry!) is going to give you less than good results. In fact, without the right tools for the job, shaving your penis can instantly turn disasterous. While your testicles may not fall out (you’d have to cut yourself really deep for that to happen) shaving without a good razor and shaving cream can give you a few nicks and a really bad razor burn afterwards. If you want to shave your genitals, or even just trim, invest a few bucks – you’ll be glad you did. You’ll need some trimmers (an electric beard trimmer is fabulous), a nice, sharp safety razor, thick and rich shaving cream and some lotion or aftershave.

How To Shave Your Genitals

First, trim your pubic hair first, especially if it is long and curly. Shaving directly over the longer hair will only get hair stuck in your razor and you’re not going to get very much of the hair off.
Next, take a shower or bath to let the warm water loosen the hair follicles. It will make shaving a lot easier and give you a much closer shave.
When preparing to shave each area of your genitals, pull the skin tight. Loose skin will easily catch in a safety razor, resulting in nicks and cuts that you definitely don’t want. Pulling your skin tight will also help you get a closer shave.
When shaving the base of the penis shaft, start at the top of the hairline and move down towards the base of the penis.
Shave your scrotum last, again pulling the skin nice and tight to avoid nicks and cuts.
After your shave, use a good aftershave splash or moisturizing lotion to keep your smooth shave and to prevent red bumps and razor burn afterwards.

Just A Trim

Another option for grooming your pubic hair is simply giving yourself a close trim, especially if you’re nervous about shaving it all off right away. Trimming is a lot easier than shaving, but will leave you with a “buzz cut” of sorts down there. When you prepare for shaving, trim your entire pubic region and see how you like it. You may prefer a trim to a close shave. You can always shave it off if you decide you want baby smooth skin instead. Some guys develop ingrown hairs after shaving – if you’re one of those guys, a trim might be just the ticket.

Q&A: What Went Wrong On The First Date (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 21:00:23 +0000

So many things can go wrong on a first date – but sometimes it seems as nothing went wrong and it still ends up getting weird for seemingly no reason! This can be incredibly frustrating, especially if you feel as though the date actually went well. What do you do if it seems like all of a sudden they’re just not that into you? How can you find out why?

Question: I went on a date this guy who has been flirting with me for about a month and a half. He put his arm around me, we held hands, and we were cheek to cheek. I really like him, and I thought the date went well. But I guess he didn’t because he’s only talked to me a couple times since then, but not like he used to. Why is he doing this? What do I do?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Was There Chemistry On His Part?

Sometimes during a first date, one person feels lots of chemistry but the other may not. Even if you and your date end up holding hands, hugging or even kissing good night, this doesn’t mean that the chemistry is there for him. Often, physical things such as hand holding happen on a date just because it seems natural to do – it’s not a good indicator of whether both parties are really into each other or not. If your date isn’t calling you back or avoiding you all together, he may not just have had that chemistry with you and that’s ok. Sometimes it’s just not there.

He Wants To Avoid The Situation

It may be hard for a guy or girl to admit that although the first date seemed to go really well, that they just didn’t click with you. Often, they’ll just try to avoid the situation all together such as avoiding calling or talking to you. This can be incredibly frustrating though, and leave you wondering just what exactly you did wrong to deserve being given the cold shoulder. Don’t take it personally! It’s unlikely that you actually did something wrong during the date or upset them in some way – it’s more probable that your date is avoiding you because they’re afraid to tell you that the chemistry just wasn’t there.

If You Want To Know, Ask

If you want to know if you really did do something during the first date that pushed them away, or if you want to know if it just didn’t click for them, just ask! It may seem intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. There’s nothing wrong with casually asking what happened. Tell your date that you just don’t want it to be weird and it would be better if it were out in the open. If they didn’t have that chemistry with you, that’s fine. You can be friends if they want, or nothing at all. But there is nothing wrong with simply asking them what is going on because you deserve to know! It doesn’t have to be complicated if you don’t make it complicated.

How Aromatherapy Can Improve Your Sex Life

Kaylen Jackson — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 14:00:11 +0000

We’ve all lit the vanilla candles before sex to help create a romantic mood – but can other scents help turn you or your partner on even more? Science shows that aromatherapy really does work and that bringing different smells into the bedroom can instantly turn “blah” sex into “wow” sex. Here’s how you can use scents and aromatherapy to improve your sex life.

Sexual Benefits Of Aromatherapy

Aromatherapy has proven over decades to be a powerful way to stimulate parts of the brain that are related to sex and sensuality through our sense of smell. Aromatherapy is a great way to spice up your sex life if it is lacking, or simply enrich an already fantastic sex life. Many aromatherapy studies have shown that using scents can actually improve arousal and blood flow to both men’s and women’s genitals. While most scents increase blood flow to a man’s penis, only certain scents incrase blood flow to a woman’s vaginal area. Other scents were actually proven to turn a woman off, including the scents of barbeque and men’s cologne. In addition to the purely physical benefits of scents in the bedroom, scents that elevate the mood and make you feel good will also help stimulate your mind for sex. Many scents are proven to increase certain hormones in the body that are related to love and sex, making a man or woman feel more inclined to be more sensual and sexy in the bedroom.

Scents That Will Turn Your Partner On

The most powerful scents to use for a man are suprisingly lavender and pumpkin pie. These smells were shown to actually increase the blood flow to a man’s genitals up to 40% and put him in the mood for sex. If you want to really set the mood for your man, burn a few pumpkin pie or lavender candles for a few hours before making your move. Pumpkin pie is a great scent for warm, cozy winter sex and cuddling while lavender is a great spring and summer scent. A woman, however, will respond best to the smell of licorice. Licorice is a great scent to use in the bedroom because while it is the most potent scent for a woman’s arousal, it will also affect a man’s arousal in a positive way as well.

Essential Oils

For hundreds of years, aromatherapy has incorporated powerful essential oils during sex. Many varieties of essential oils are used in sensual massage oils and can help relax your partner and put them in a more sexual frame of mind when used in conjunction with a fantastic massage. The scents of rose, patchouli, ylang ylang and jasmine are all scents that are easy to find and extremely effective in setting a romantic and sensual mood for sex. While most essential oils are diluted when used in massage oils, undiluted essential oils can be used sparingly on a cotton ball or in a warming dish and set next to your bed to help diffuse the scent throughout the entire room. Aromatherapy is more powerful when used for a few minutes or hours prior to having sex to allow the body to respond to the scents that are being used.

Being Single On Valentine’s Day

Maryanne Comaroto — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 21:00:13 +0000

A couple of days ago a reporter asked if I would help him with a column he was writing about Valentine’s Day. He started off by asking, “If you’re single, where should you go to meet people?”

Well, that’s a question that’s impossible to answer without more information. I mean, where should you go to eat if you’re hungry? First you need to specify what kind of food you like, or you may end up at completely the wrong restaurant! If you don’t outline your preferences and desires, then it’s like saying that any random relationship will do, when obviously that’s not the case. I mean, you can show up at any bar and meet someone, but will they be someone who is right for you?

I told the reporter, “Finding the right person to start a relationship with isn’t just about meeting someone. If you approach it that way, then you’re relying on luck, which can waste a lot of time and emotion. If you don’t want to waste time trying out a lot of different options, then you need to focus on what you really want, and be clear about that. Then you need to hang out at the places where you think that type of person will be. It’s surprising how little effort you actually have to put in when you set a strong intention. Or, if you prefer some of the excitement of chance, you can mix with the sort of people you get along with, and see what happens. Your choice.”

The Secret To A Great Valentine’s Day When You’re Single

He then asked about coping strategies for singles on Valentine’s Day. This is a pretty simple attitude adjustment, and works like any other aspect of life – you can either celebrate what you have, or bemoan what you don’t. There’s no reason not to treat yourself like royalty on Valentine’s Day, or any other day for that matter. You’ll find that life will mirror how you treat yourself, and Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to turn over a new leaf of loving yourself more and more everyday. The sooner you start doing this, the more people will want to be around you.

But the reporter still wasn’t getting it. “So, where’s the best place for people to look for romance?” he asked.

The truth is, there is no magical place to look for love, except inside yourself. The world reflects only what you put out there, and if you’re giving love then you’re bound to get it in return. So quit looking for some special venue where you think the love is, and start getting things align within yourself instead. Focus on what you want, and that focus will carry you to where you need to be to meet the right person. You’ve already tried it the other way around, by just looking for “someone” and ending up with whomever you found. How did that work out for you? Instead, try doing the things that make you happy, and hanging out with the people who reflect that happiness.

In other words, the key is not trying to meet someone, but rather finding out who you are and being clear about what you’re looking for.

Q&A: Anger Over Circumcision (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 14:00:55 +0000

To circumcise or not to circumcise - it’s one of the hottest civil rights topics of the 21st century. Is circumcision a necessary procedure, or is it genital mutilation? Are parents who get their sons circumcised taking away their sons’ rights to choose? Circumcision is a permanent procedure – it’s not a decision that parents should make lightly.

Question: I was circumcised when I was born because of my Dad’s stupid religious beliefs. I’m really angry about it knowing that I didn’t ask for it. I’ve read places that the foreskin is necessary for protection and stuff. What do you think about circumcision?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Is Circumcision Medically Necessary?

Medically, circumcision is not a necessary procedure. Society has told us for years that an uncircumcised penis is “unclean” and can get infections. Thousands of years ago, when circumcision first became popular, the surgery may have helped keep a boy’s genitals cleaner due to the lack of clean, running water and proper hygeine habits. Even then, however, circumcision was never necessary. A boy who is not circumcised does not face any health issues relating to his foreskin as long as it is kept clean like any other part of our body. To clean an uncircumcised penis on a young boy is easy – the foreskin is fused to the head of the penis and doesn’t separate until about age 7. Simply wash the penis with soap and water. When the foreskin becomes moveable, retract the foreskin from the head of the penis in the shower and again, wash with soap and water. This is generally all the care an uncircumcised penis needs to stay clean and healthy.

Whose Body, Whose Rights?

While many advocates of circumcision state that the child has no recollection of the pain of the procedure, that doesn’t change the end result. A child who is circumcised can never become uncircumcised, however, an uncircumcised male may choose to get the procedure later in life. While most body changing procedures, such as tattoos and breast augmentation, require the informed consent of the person being operated on or being tattooed, circumcision does not require the consent of the child, only the consent of the parents. Babies unfortunately can’t give informed consent for their genitals to be operated on and their foreskin removed. They can’t tell you whether they would like to keep their foreskin or whether they would like to have it removed.

Support For Circumcised Men

If your parents had you circumcised due to their own religious or societal beliefs, you may be left wondering why you never had a say in how your genitals looked or felt. It’s normal to be upset when you realize what was taken away from you before you even had a choice about it. Some devices and surgeries exist claiming to help restore the foreskin, however, it can only stretch the skin on the shaft of the penis to make it appear as though you are uncircumcised. The nerves endings lost during the original circumcision can never be recreated. There are many support groups for circumcised men to deal with their feelings about having their rights taken away from them and many men choose to advocate for circumcision rights.

Fighting Fair Is Necessary For Fidelity, Passion And Health

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 19:00:54 +0000

On the heels of the news this weekend that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will allegedly be separating, I wanted to take the opportunity to encourage people to learn how to fight fair. Fighting in a relationship is not in itself a bad thing – in fact it’s usually necessary for a relationship to survive. A relationship without passion enough to launch arguments likely won’t last for the long haul. However, arguing in the wrong way can also drive a relationship into the ground. I talk about the dialogue necessary to fight fair in my book Make Up Don’t Breakup (which will be re-released in March with new chapters).

Additionally, Brad and Angelina are definitely in a unique situation, but also share some common denominators that many of us have experienced. Angelina is likely looking for a new adventure as a response to her feelings of separation and loss she may still be dealing with due to her mother passing away. She’s experiencing what I call a Biochemical Craving for Connection. This can be momentarily assuaged by engaging in thrill-seeking behavior such as requesting and open relationship, traveling, working, or engaging in an affair (among many other things) but it only leads to a more pronounced cycle of stress, separation and loss when each “adventure” winds down and the person is left with the original feelings.

Have A Heart To Heart Talk With Your Partner

I encourage having a weekly ten minute heart-to-heart with a figurative emotional “bullet proof vest” to protect from hurt, anger and defensiveness, as you listen and echo back what you heard. It is essential to walk in your partner’s shoes rather than trying to be right. Instead of shame and blame you should give three solutions, and your partner has to pick at least one. Arguing fairly creates the tension that gives you passion and makes you feel safe. Here are a few other pointers:

Ask permission – you want the other person to be engaged in the conversation, so make sure it’s a good time for them, too. You should make an “appointment” for a specific time to make sure that the issue will be handled.
Put time limits on the “fight” – it’s OK to walk away and come back later as long as it’s mutual and done with respect. Everyone has different thresholds for what they can tolerate during an argument.
Use “I” sentences – don’t blame or criticize.
Echo what you hear and validate your partner’s feelings – truly listen to the other person and let them hear you repeat their thoughts and concerns back to them. This assures them that you ARE paying attention and not just continuing with your “agenda.”
Detach from your emotions – try not to let your responses be emotional, but rather focus on the facts and the truth.
After a fair and productive fight, remember things that each person needs to work on, and commit to trying to change the behaviors that may have created.

Q&A: My Girlfriend Wants To Do Me With A Strap On (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 14:00:43 +0000

The act of penetrating your partner during sex is intense. It’s a huge turn on for guys – but believe it or not, penetrating their partner (instead of being penetrated) can be a turn on for women too. Some women fantasize about having sex with their man with a strap on. Many men, however, don’t find this idea at all appealing. What do you do if your girl wants to do you with a strap on – and you’re not into it?

Question: I have been having sex with my girlfriend for 3 months now and just recently she keeps bring up the idea of her pleasuring me with a strap on. The idea scares me and I feel as if I were to go through with it I would be less of a man. How do I talk her out of it?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Open And Honest Communication

When bringing up a fantasy, whether it’s your fantasy or hers, it’s important that both you and your partner be open and honest with each other. Each partner should be able to bring up a fantasy of theirs without the fear of criticism or being laughed at. That doesn’t mean you have to go along with it though. If her fantasy makes you uncomfortable (or vice versa) it’s important that you are honest with your partner and voice your concerns without being condescending or critical. Sex between you and your partner should be enjoyable for both of you, and neither partner should be forced to be uncomfortable just so the other partner can have a pleasurable experience. If your partner wants to try something that makes you uncomfortable, let her know. If she wants to have sex with you using a strap-on, let her know what about that idea causes you discomfort.

How To Say No

Whether you aren’t into the idea of playing in the mud or you’d rather keep your anus a “one way only” street, those are all perfectly sound reasons to bring up to your partner. When you’re talking to your partner about why you don’t want to have her use a strap-on on you, make sure that you use “I” terms instead of “you” terms. This is about you after all, and why the idea of her introducing this type of BDSM makes you uneasy. Be careful not to make her feel as though her fantasies are gross or wrong. She should feel safe enough in the relationship to bring her fantasies up in conversation, whether you actually go through with them or not.

She Should Respect You

If you respect your partner enough to make it safe for her to share her fantasies with you, she should respect you enough to realize that you may not want to participate in all of them. Ultimately, if you’re not comfortable with something, she shouldn’t force you to do it or become angry if you won’t. It’s your body after all. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. If she doesn’t respect you enough to dismiss her fantasy and find a form of sex or BDSM that you both can enjoy in the bedroom, it’s time to move on to someone who does respect you and your body.