A cheating lover is something that a lot of women have experienced. Cheating is one of the most disrespectful actions a guy can take in a relationship. It’s not very often that cheating goes unnoticed. If you believe that your fella is having an affair, there are a couple of things that you can look out for.

1. He’s On The Computer A LOT

One of the easiest ways for guys to meet women for sex is online. Even if the guy is not meeting a girl for sex he could be talking about it online with multiple women. The Internet has given guys a platform to play out their fantasies with women anonymously. If your guy cringes every time that you reach for his computer then he might be having an online tryst with other women.

If you guy doesn’t leave his computer open or protects everything with a password, this is another red flag. Check IM chat logs or website history if you can get into his computer. If you can’t, try to look over his shoulder when he doesn’t think you’re around. Yes, this is a little creepy, but better safe than sorry.

2. He Starts To Have Odd Schedule Changes

Does your guy follow a routine down the minute? Does he walk through the door at 5:16 every afternoon? Sudden schedule changes can be a sign that he’s cheating. Some guys like to be spontaneous, but if he has a steady job a sudden change in routine could be a sign that he is cheating. Ask questions about where he was or why he was working late.

You don’t have to prod him with an interrogation like the Republican Guard, but get some details. Details can prove that he was actually where he says he was. If you can poke holes through his story then you might want to rethink the relationship. If he tries to include you in his schedule changes then he’s probably not cheating.

3. He Disappears

No calls, no texts and no emails? This is a huge sign that he’s probably having an affair. If you have gone from hot and heavy to barely seeing each other then there is definitely a problem. If he were really interested in you then he would be trying to spend more time with you.

All relationships hit a bump in the road every so often, but if he is making excuses not to see you he might have a woman on the side. If there are changes at work or something similar then you might not see him as much. However, if there are no changes at work and he just disappears on you, he might be cheating.

4. Something Has Changed

You can feel it. Something has changed about him. He’s focusing more on his looks than ever before. He doesn’t laugh at your jokes anymore. He’s not the guy that you fell in love with. These are all indications that there is something wrong with the relationship. When you feel like something has changed about him it could be the company of another woman.

Cheating has a way of changing men. When they are having an affair, they will put you second fiddle. Take a notice of changes in the air when you’re around him and you might find that he’s spending time with another girl.

5. The Proof Is On His Phone

If you have the inclination to check his phone every time he leaves the room then there is something wrong. He might be cheating or he might not be. Usually, when a woman feels the need to check a guy’s phone she does not trust him. This can be a problem in itself; however, if you feel like you have to check his phone it’s probably for a reason.

If you find text messages of a sexual nature from numbers you don’t recognize then you should definitely confront him about it. If your guy has a password on his phone then you should also be on your toes. If your guy doesn’t let his phone out of his sight there could also be a problem.

A cheating lover is not something that you should tolerate. The disrespect that you will feel after you find out can be soul-crushing. Look for these indications so you are not a victim to his cheating. If you find that your guy is displaying one or more of these signs, talk to him about it. In most cases, talking your way through problems can bring the relationship full circle.

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Nobody wants to play the jealous boyfriend, but at one point or another you might find your mind wandering into scary territory. “Is she cheating or am I crazy?” This question comes up too often and it’s hard to determine for some women. The fear of your girlfriend cheating is enough to make any man shake with terror. The fact of the matter is that most women do not cheat. If they are not happy in the relationship, they will probably just break up with you. However, there are a percentage of women who do fall prey to their temptation. Fortunately, there are some very common trends in women who do cheat. Here are a couple of signs that can keep you on the lookout the next time your questions arise.

Her Age

Younger girls are more adept to play games. That’s not to say that an older woman will not stray, but younger girls have little commitment even if they say that they are committed. If your girlfriend is turning 25, 30 or 35 watch for signs of a crisis. These are the ages that women start to question everything about themselves. Have you ever heard a woman say something like “5 years ago I wouldn’t have done this?” Well, 5 years ago she may not have cheated. Ask your partner if she is happy in the relationship and assure her that you are. Make sure that she knows you would never have an affair and wait for her to assure you. If she doesn’t tell you that she would never cheat, get rid of her.

Job Changes

Job changes are a sign that she might be in a place to cheat on you. When a woman starts making more money or she’s put in a higher position at work, she can feel the power. She might feel like you’re yesterday’s news, especially if she’s making more money than you. One of the best ways to combat her new sense of entitlement is to tell her how proud you are of her. Brag about the promotion and let her know that she’s made a big accomplishment. This will give her the emotional support that she needs. If she starts staying at her job late at night after the first 3 months, you might want to consider whether or not she’s actually “working.” Get details when she works late. Find out what she was doing, but don’t make it obvious. Tell her that you want more time together and see what she says. If she gets defensive, something is definitely up.

She’s Put The Brakes On The Relationship

Remember when she used to call you at work just to see how your day is going? When was the last time that happened? If your romance has come to a complete halt, it’s probably time to be concerned. Get together with her and ask what is going on. Confronting the problem is the best way to move past it. The problem might not even have anything to do with you. Talk it out with her and decide on the best course of action. If she says that there’s not a problem with the relationship, offer to take a weekend trip so you can rekindle the romance. If she’s not interested, take caution. She might be seeing somebody or she’s been cheating.

You Haven’t Had Sex In A Couple Of Weeks

Sex is a pretty big part of the relationship. If you aren’t having sex, there are a couple of things that might be going on. One of the possibilities is that she’s not cheating and she’s just not interested in pursuing the relationship any further. The other possibility is that she is cheating and she’s saving all of her sexual attention for the new guy. Before you storm in and accuse her of anything, talk to her. She might have something going on with her vagina that she’s too embarrassed to tell you about. Assure her that you just want to know what the problem is. Women tend to without sex is there are deeper issues in the relationship so be prepared to talk through other issues when you bring this up. If she tells you there is nothing wrong after repeatedly asking her, assume the worst.

Cheating happens. There’s nothing that we can do to avoid getting cheated on, but diagnosing a cheater can be fairly easy when you put the relationship under a microscope. Always express concern before you accuse your girlfriend of cheating on you. If you accuse her of cheating and she’s not, she could lose all respect for you.

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What’s a woman’s responsibility as far as “home wrecking” goes? I have a huge crush on this guy and we’ve really connected. I knew he had a girlfriend, but he told me things were essentially over with them. We’ve (happily) since gotten together, but now his ex is saying I ruined their relationship. Am I at fault?

What She Said:

You only have to look as far as the headlines to get some real time examples for your question. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie anyone? Heck, even Jennifer Aniston, the “wronged” party in that “bizarre Bermuda triangle,” has recently been accused of home wrecking antics.

My question? Where does the responsibility lie for the person actually in the relationship? To continue with the high-profile celebrity example: Angelina has worn the man-stealing crown for over six years now, but Brad was the one who was married and chose to cheat. Yes, Jolie is insanely gorgeous – but Pitt is a grown man, capable of making the decision to remain in a monogamous relationship.

What’s your responsibility? It sounds like you knew there might be cheating going on – but it also sounds like your guy was fully complicit. Maybe you knew he was fudging the facts as far as his relationship status – or maybe you chose to take him at his word. Either way, you were operating off the fact that things were over.

Do you have anything to feel guilty about? Only you can know for sure. Did you flirt, regardless of his living situation? Did you make yourself available as a friend and confidant, knowing that the two of you growing closer might jeopardize his relationship? Did you mold yourself into the image of his perfect girl? Of course his ex is going to be pissed at you (and maybe she has reason to be) – but it was ultimately her partner who acted dishonestly.

There are obviously a myriad of combinations, but at the end of the day I still believe this: Anyone can be tempted to cheat and everyone has a choice as to whether or not he or she follows through on that action. I’m a fan of clean breaks – if the relationship is truly over, end it before starting something new. That’s the real way to take responsibility.

What He Said

I don’t know the specifics, but if he wasn’t 100 % free and clear of his ex (as in totally broken up with her), then yes, you’d be a factor. But after that, it gets grey. Many marriages, for example end long before one of the parties files for legal separation or divorce, and then in that situation, you could have come into the guys life before he officially pulled the plug on his relationship, but after it had died. It had needlessly been hanging on via life support until someone finally showed some compassion and pulled the plug on it.

In that situation if you entered his life after it died, but before the cord was pulled, would you be a home wrecker? Technically, no. But everyone will judge you as such. Why? Because people don’t know what goes on behind closed doors and so they would have no way of knowing the relationship had died a slow, painful and often sexless death before you showed up. It would just look to the outside world like you showed up and stole that poor woman’s man away.

He will be needlessly judged and persecuted as well (see my colleagues aforementioned judgment against Brad Pitt for example). It’ll look like he was some mindless hornball who cheated on this poor, defenseless, woman who is a paragon of virtue, and walks little old ladies across the street, goes to church on Sunday, etc. That happens, yes, but that doesn’t happen in all cases. You don’t know and you shouldn’t be judging (COUGH! JENNA! COUGH!)

It doesn’t matter any more, really. You’re in a relationship with him and what happened, happened. At a certain point, even if you did steal him away, she just needs to get over it and move on. There are other men out there and if he was cheating on her with you, why would she be upset anyway? She should be glad to get rid of him, after all, he’s your problem now, right?

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