Ask Dan and Jennifer » anal sex

Is My Penis Too Big To Fit? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 14:00:10 +0000

Many men worry about having a penis that is too small to really pleasure their partner. On the other side of the spectrum, however, there are some men that have penises that may be so large that they end up hurting their partner. Vaginas are designed to stretch and accomodate a variety of penis sizes, however, what if he is just too big to fit?

A boyfriend’s penis might be too big for his girlfriend – even when she’s excited, he often ends up hurting her. What can he do to make sex more comfortable for her and more enjoyable for both of them?

Click here to view the embedded video.

A Medical Problem?

Most vaginas can accomodate a wide variety of penis sizes. Most vaginas can stretch to allow penises of just about any size to fit, regardless of how large or small. But some medical conditions can make a vagina unable to stretch and accomodate a large penis, including a medical condition called vaginismus. In some forms of vaginismus, the PC muscles actually clamp down, making penetration virtually or completely impossible. In other, more common, forms of vaginismus, the PC muscles tighten but don’t clamp down completely, allowing penile penetration but with pain, burning and a feeling of excessive tightness. Fortunately, vaginismus is highly treatable with vaginal dilators – a medical tool that is used at home to lightly stretch the PC muscles and allow the vagina to become more pliable. Click here to learn more about vaginismus.

Visit The Doctor

Some people aren’t physically compatible with each other sexually. Sometimes the puzzle pieces just don’t fit, and there are tons of ways to enjoy each other sexually and intimately if sexual intercourse is too painful. However, this is the rarest of cases. Often, medical problems or issues are at fault for painful sex. Infections, STD’s, pregnancy, and a multitude of other conditions are more likely to cause painful sex than just penis size and physical sexual incompatibility.

Go to the doctor – the doctor is a “body mechanic” and his or her job is to find out why your equipment isn’t working right. If you’re embarrassed to talk to the doctor about what is going on in your sex life, it’s time to find a new doctor. You should be comfortable talking to your doctor about everything. Your doctor can conduct tests that can tell you if an underlying medical problem is at fault for the painful sex you’ve been experiencing, or if it is just your anatomy.

Enjoy Each Other In Other Ways

Believe it or not, there are other ways to be sexual and intimate with your partner than through intercourse. Genital massage and oral sex are very popular, and some people enjoy anal sex instead of vaginal sex. Go to a sex therapist, or even visit an adult store (lots of online stores feature tons of products that you can shop for from the privacy of your own home) to find a few different things that you and your partner would like to try, and it’s a great way to get different ideas about positions, lubricants and male and female sexual stimulation.

How To Get Her To Love Anal Sex (Video)

Daniel Rose, author Sex God Method — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 17:00:42 +0000

You like anal sex – but your partner doesn’t, or maybe she just hasn’t tried it before. If you want anal sex to become a larger part of you and your partner’s sex life, you need a good approach to convince your partner that anal sex can be something you both enjoy. How can you get her to love anal sex?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My girlfriend doesn’t like anal sex but I do. I mean, I really do! It’s something I want to experience with her – how can I get her to do it with me?

–Jason, MO

Click here to view the embedded video.

Give Her A Hint

If you want your partner to really get into anal sex, the best method of approach isn’t a blunt one. Hint at anal sex during regular sex by caressing your partner’s buttocks during sex, tickle her anus with a feather or your fingers and perhaps even get her involved with playing around your anus. Don’t do anything drastic at this point – if she’ll let you, a little hot finger play around her anus is all you want to go for right now. Start hinting around in this manner with your partner a month or two before you really want to take the plunge into anal sex. She’ll really need a mental warm up before she’s ready.

Get Her Emotionally Ready

Believe it or not, anal sex is a huge emotional step for a woman. It’s a “taboo” and very submissive act. She’ll need time to get mentally prepared for anal sex, so a couple weeks after you start introducing the light finger play, talk to her about anal sex. You don’t necessarily have to have a “sit down” talk with her about it – that might actually intimidate her. Try watching a pornography together that features anal sex and talk to your partner about how much it turns you on. Watch your language though – make sure she gets the idea that it would turn you on to have her do that with you and not that you simply think anal sex is hot.

If She’s Interested

If you’ve gotten your partner to accept the idea of having anal sex with you, congrats! It’s not over yet though. If you want to have anal sex with your partner more than once, it’s important to make sure that you make this experience a positive one for her. First, get a good, solid bottle of water based lubricant. Don’t be shy with it either! Make sure you use plenty of lubricant. The anus is not self lubricating, so use as much lubricant as you like – you definitely can’t use too much! Start slow and be gentle – the anus is not a place to have rough sex. It’s not made to accommodate something go in, so it can tear quite easily. Give your partner a lot of warm up time, and give yourself time to enjoy it!

Extra Tips

Always wash your penis after anal sex. Bacteria can spread, especially to the vagina. Never insert your penis into the vagina after anal sex unless you’ve thoroughly washed it, because your partner can get some pretty nasty infections that way. If you’re not in a faithful, monogamous relationship with someone who is STD and STI free, wear a condom during anal sex. Anal sex actually has a higher rate of STD and STI transmission than traditional intercourse! If you just want to be safe, wear a condom anyway. After having anal sex with your partner, make sure you tell her you love her and that you still respect her!

Take just a minute to check out ‘The Sex God Method’: “If You Want to Give Women Screaming Orgasms, This Video May Be The Most Important Video You’ll Ever Watch”

What Is The REAL Truth About Anal Sex? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 01:00:17 +0000

Anal sex is definitely a touchy subject – is it safe or is it dangerous? If you enjoy having anal sex, how can you make it as safe as possible? Just like any type of sex, there is so much information about related sexually transmitted diseases, anatomy and tips and techniques that it truly can be mind boggling. Here’s what you want to know about anal sex – and more!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Is anal sex really safe? Is it okay to have anal sex? What precautions can you take so you can still enjoy anal sex but do so safely?

–Tom, NJ

Click here to view the embedded video.

No Sex Is Safe

You might be surprised to learn that no sex – oral, anal or vaginal – is technically considered safe. There is always the risk of pregnancy with vaginal sex no matter how much protection you use (although the proper protection such as condoms and birth control greatly reduce that risk) and there’s always the risk of contracting sexually transmitted with any type of sex, no matter how small. So it makes sense that anal sex is never considered “safe” either, and anal sex even has its own risks associated with it. With that in mind, if you choose to have anal sex, definitely take care to make it as safe as you possibly can!

Cleanliness

One risk associated with anal sex that generally isn’t true of other types of sex is the abundance of bacteria in the anal cavity that can spread. If you’re using toys, make sure your toys are clean before and after use, and never, ever use a toy or even a real penis for vaginal sex after anal sex if it hasn’t been cleaned properly first. There are a lot of great toy cleansers on the market today, and if you’re short on cash, hot water and soap work just as well. As an added note, having a bowel movement or even taking a gentle laxative before having anal sex will ensure that while bacteria still remain, solid matter is at a minimum.

Be Reasonable!

Remember that the anal cavity is not self lubricating like the vagina. Use plenty of water based lubricant (oil based lubricants break down latex and if you’re using a condom during anal sex – which is highly recommended whether you’re with a monogamous partner or not – oil based lube will reduce the condom’s effectiveness or even cause it to break) and add more lubricant as needed. Be reasonable with size as well – if you’re partner’s penis is unusually well endowed, you might want to try using a smaller toy or fingers for anal sex play. If you only use toys for anal sex, keep your toys at a reasonable size and opt for ones that have a wide base at the bottom to keep it from slipping in your anal cavity and getting lost – because yes, that can happen!

The Anal Cavity Is Not The Place For Rough Sex

Remember that the anal cavity and anus is not designed for sex the way a vagina is. That doesn’t mean that it’s not possible, just that sex is not this area’s primary purpose. If you like rough sex, the anus is not the place for it. Anal tissues are very delicate and can tear, and overly stretching your anus and anal cavity can lead to the necessity for adult diapers later on. If you choose to have anal sex, be safe, smart and educated and take care of yourself and your partner. It may give you great pleasure, but tearing or stretching your anal cavity can make you unable to have any type of anal sex in the future, in addition to the other problems that come along with that.

What You Need To Know About Anal Sex Toys (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 13:46:40 +0000

Anal sex is becoming more and more popular among couples as people take the time to learn about anal sex and how it can be stimulating, satisfying and safe!

The most important thing to consider when using sex toys for anal sex is safety – having anal sex is nothing like having vaginal sex because you have to be a lot more careful. Here’s what you need to know about anal sex and the most popular anal sex toys.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’d like to have anal sex using toys – are there toys built just for anal sex? What is the best toy to use?

–Sarah, Idaho

Click here to view the embedded video.

Before You Begin

Before you begin anal sex, make sure you have what you need on hand, such as plenty of lubricant. Don’t use a numbing lubricant during anal sex, because you could inhibit pain receptors that play an important factor in letting you know if something goes wrong. Anal sex should be introduced slowly and be very aware that anal tissue is more sensitive than vaginal or oral tissue and can tear easily. Remember that the anal cavity is not self lubricating like a vagina is – make sure to use lots and lots of lubricant during anal sex whether you’re having anal sex with your partner or using an anal sex toy.

Which Toys Are Safest?

The safest anal sex toys are those that are designed for anal sex only. Most of these toys have a wide enough base to prevent the toy from “getting lost” in the anal cavity, and this is an important feature to have on an anal sex toy. Many vaginal sex toys don’t have wide bases because a woman’s body prevents toys or other things from getting lost – they can always come out. This isn’t true of the anal cavity though and if something goes too far in, you might need a doctor’s help in getting it out. Make sure your anal toys have a wide base to prevent the toy from slipping to far in the anus. Another benefit of the wide base is that they fit nicely into strap on harnesses, allowing more freedom of sex play both vaginally and anally.

Curved Anal Toys

Anal toys can be fun for both men and women, and men actually have an inner pleasure spot within their anal cavity, similar to a woman’s g-spot. This is called the prostate gland, and you can use a curved anal toy to better stimulate a man’s prostate for increased pleasure and more satisfying anal sex.

Remember The Most Important Thing

The most important thing about having anal sex and using anal sex toys is not only to go slow and only go with what you’re comfortable with, but to have fun! If something is painful, or if you’re just not comfortable with something, find another toy or try another sex activity that works to satisfy both you and your partner. If you like anal sex and enjoy using toys for anal sex, make sure to get the ones that are manufactured specifically for that purpose. If anal sex or anal sex toys just aren’t your thing, there are thousands of different ways to pleasure yourself and your partner that doesn’t involve the backdoor at all. If, however, you really enjoy that backdoor action, keep it safe and keep it fun!

Help! Anal Sex Is The ONLY Way His Penis Stays Hard! (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 22:37:10 +0000

While a great number of people prefer not to have anal sex or never even bother to try it, many others enjoy anal sex as a part of their sexual repertoire.

Anal sex can be fun and intriguing if you’re smart about it, but what if your partner becomes addicted to anal sex? What do you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My boyfriend and I have a wonderful emotional relationship as well as a wonderful physical relationship. He recently convinced me to try anal sex. I hated it at first but after giving it a few extra shots it was ok. He loves it so much! So most of the time I let him finish there. Lately I’ve noticed that if we skip the anal and just stick to vaginal, he can’t finish and just ends up loosing his erection. Am I not tight enough anymore in comparison?? I am 20 and he is 32… Is there a possibility that he is loosing his drive?

– Frustrated Girl

Click here to view the embedded video.

Is This A Medical Issue?

Enjoying anal sex is nothing to be ashamed about. Lots of people enjoy anal sex! However, if your partner is wanting to have a lot of anal sex, you might be concerned. Even more so, if your partner is losing their erection if they’re not having anal sex, you might wonder what you’re doing wrong or if there’s something wrong with your partner.

Talk to your partner about it. Find out how they feel. They might not know that you don’t want to have as much anal sex as they do, so you need to talk about it with them. You might be able to find a compromise between anal and traditional sex.

If your partner is consistently losing his erection, that could be another issue altogether. If this is the case, consider seeing a medical doctor and even a sex therapist to find out what might be the issue.

Out, Not In

Remember that the anal canal was created to be an exit, not an entrance. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun with it now and again, but you certainly don’t want to make a huge habit out of it. The anal canal is not self lubricating meaning you will need to use lots and lots of lubrication during anal sex.

Avoid using sharp or large objects during anal sex, or the anus could tear or perforate, causing you lots of trouble in the long run. Having anal sex means being safe about it, and respecting the fact that it wasn’t designed for the purpose of sex.

When Enough Is Enough

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Is It Okay to Have Anal Sex Without Lube? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 19:52:40 +0000

Anal sex, when done correctly, can be a source of pleasure for both men and women. It can break the sense of what is "taboo" and help spice up your sex life as well as giving both you and your partner new and exciting sensations.

However, if done incorrectly, anal sex can cause damage and infection. Without proper lubrication, you and your partner can get into some serious trouble with anal sex!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am a sadist, and my girlfriend is a masochist. We both agreed that we wanted to have anal sex without lube.

My fear is that I could cause serious damage that way, because as you stated in a previous segment about anal sex, it’s not meant to be an in-hole and it doesn’t lubricate itself.

So, is it possible to have anal sex without lube and not cause serious damage? Or is that just an impossible fantasy?

–Anonymous, California

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Tearing The Membranes

Anal sex is somewhat difficult to begin with, especially for the inexperienced. When having anal sex, it is extremely important to use lots of lubrication to make sure there is no friction. Keep in mind that the anal cavity is quite unlike the vagina. It doesn’t self lubricate like the vagina does.

Without external lubrication, the friction between the penis and the anal cavity can cause tearing. The rectum itself could easily tear, as well as the inner membranes of the lower intestine.

Remember, the anal cavity wasn’t built for sex! It was made for the expulsion of waste. That doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with it though, if you take the proper precautions.

For example, the mouth was designed for eating but that generally doesn’t stop people from having oral sex. With oral sex though, people take the proper precautions and make sure they don’t choke their partner with their penis.

Anal sex is similar, but there are a few more precautions to take. Using lots of lube helps keep the penis and anal cavity moist so there is little to no tearing. Remember to go slow when having anal sex and if it hurts too much, stop!

Infection

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Does Liking Anal Sex With a Strap On Make Me Gay? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 13:43:06 +0000

Many people like different forms of sex. New and exciting sexual encounters help spice up the sex life, and if you’re into trying new things you might find a few that really turn you on and help make your orgasms explosive!

Both women and men can enjoy anal sex and if you’re a man who has a female partner but enjoys her using a strap on to have anal sex with you, you could be wondering if it makes you gay. It doesn’t!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I really like it when my wife does me with a strap-on (she likes it too). It feels really good – intense orgasms. I don’t think I am gay. I think I would rather kiss a monkey than kiss another guy.

1) I don’t feel gay, or bi, but I really like getting boned in the booty by my wife – does this make me a little girly man?

2) Am I really gay but somehow just don’t realize it? Is that even possible?

3) Any suggestions on how to make it feel even better?

–Stuart, Georgia

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Being gay involves more than anal sex

Being homosexual involves a number of different hormonal and emotional issues – not just enjoying anal sex. Homosexual men might fantasize about having sex with other men, or may be physically and emotionally attracted to men more than women.

Simply enjoying having anal sex does not make you a homosexual! Similarly, not all homosexual men enjoy anal sex. It is simply a matter of personal preference that is not at all grouped by age, race, sexual orientation or gender.

If you enjoy having your female partner perform anal sex on you with a strap on, and she enjoys it too, you are welcome to thoroughly enjoy your new sexual experiences together! Don’t let anyone judge you based on what you and your partner enjoy in the bedroom. What you and her like is up to you and no one else has a say in it. As long as you’re both being safe, you’re both willing and no one is getting hurt, feel free to take part in your sexual pleasure and enjoy!

As a heterosexual man, you might be a little unfamiliar with the ins and outs of anal sex, so to speak. You might have tried it a few times and liked it, but haven’t taken it any further than that. There are a number of things you can do to make sure anal sex is safe and even more enjoyable for both you and your partner!

Things to remember

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Is Anal Sex Really Dangerous? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 13:54:57 +0000

Anal sex, like any type of sex, can be pleasurable but can also take a nasty turn if you don’t take the appropriate precautions and use care when having anal sex.

So can it be dangerous? You bet, but that doesn’t have to exclude it from your list of enjoyable bedroom (or other room) activities if you really enjoy it.

Here are some ways you can make anal sex safe and fun.

Is anal sex really dangerous? Can it be practiced safely?

Click here to view the embedded video.

Practice and Patience

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When to Say NO to Anal Sex… (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:41:01 +0000

Trying new things in your sex life is healthy, and in many cases, even encouraged.

Some people tend to find a few things they like, such as anal sex, and may incorporate this into their sexual activities regularly.

Sometimes, however, you’ll find that after kids or other things that some things become uncomfortable or unbearable.

What happens if you become unable to perform you or your partner’s favorite sex acts due to one or more reasons?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband loves anal sex… we used to have it a lot (several years ago). Now it is extremely painful for me. I have been diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome and have a couple external hemorrhoids from having children. We have tried taking it easy, tried using fingers first and LOTS of lube.

How can I get over the horrible pain so he will be happy? I don’t know what else to do. Can you help me? PLEASE!!!

-Me. WV

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When it becomes uncomfortable…

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Do You Know The Hidden Dangers of Anal Sex? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 16:00:02 +0000

Anal sex… Some people love it. Some people are disgusted by the mere mention of it.

So is it really a special treat, or a very dangerous game that should be avoided at all costs?

The answer depends on who you ask and what their sexual preferences are. It’s not your place to judge another person nor is it another person’s right to judge your sexual preferences.

Here’s a question from a couple who watched an episode of "Talk Sex" with Sue Johanson. They’re wondering if we agree with her take on anal sex.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I watched your videos on YouTube and I wanted to explore a bit more one subject. My girlfriend and I have had anal sex several times, but she recently saw a episode of Talk Sex with Sue Johanson. In this episode she mentioned of all the bad things that can happen if one is to have anal sex.

Our question is the following: Will having anal sex about once, twice or even 3 times a month, with lube and no pain still lead to these problems? Is it eminent like cigarettes give you breathing problems? or possible like walking and twisting an ankle? Thanks, keep up the good work!

– Domenic, California

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts – leave a comment below.

Is Having Anal Sex Dangerous?

Like all things, there are risks associated with having anal sex that must be considered and weighed against the pleasure and intimacy that many couples experience while engaging in this type of sex play.

Sue Johanson has written a really great article on the things to watch out for if you are going to have anal sex.

Check out her full article here.

In her article, Sue mentions many problems that could possible occur during anal sex.

Possible Complications Caused By Having Anal Sex

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Getting Anal Sex Right – The First Time (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 17:34:12 +0000

There are a lot of myths and a lot of mis information going around about the very taboo topic of anal sex.

Often times men want it and women SOMETIMES indulge them. But there’s so much more to that.

Our friend Rose from Speak Sexy just posted a great article entitled Getting Anal Sex Right – The First Time. This is a great instructional piece on anal sex, going into all the how-to details.

But be warned… And I’ll quote Rose when she says "This article contains things that may make you feel uncomfortable. It is intended for mature, open-minded adults only." So only click if you actually want the vivid details. In addition Speak Sexy features various erotic and sometimes nude photos.

Take a moment to enjoy our recent videos on this beautifully sinful and taboo sexual fantasy…

Help! My Boyfriend Wants Me To Have Anal Sex! (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 13:35:34 +0000

Men and women tend to approach sex differently. This isn’t to say that women don’t enjoy or want sex just as much as men, but they don’t tend to go about it the same way. Women tend to prefer more foreplay and seduction.

Couples that are completely open and honest with each other can experience an amazing sex life playing together. This is because they listen to each other, and they discover each other’s fantasies and desires.

They also know that having a great sex life is about more than experiencing amazing orgasms in various positions. It’s about trying and experiencing new things together – truly playing together.

The problem comes in when one partner ups the ante and wants to try something more exotic than their lover is comfortable with.

This can be the woman maybe wanting to tie her lover up, the man wanting to try anal sex with his girlfriend, or hundreds of other exotic sexual permutations.

And since anal sex is such a popular fantasy for so many men, let’s talk about how this desire impacts all the women who are dealing with those men.

Of course, pushing boundaries is often just half the fun for sexual play, so it’s important to peel back those fears and figure out where they started.

So what’s a girl to do when her boyfriend REALLY wants to try anal sex, especially when he tries SO hard to please her?

Here’s a question from a lady in Florida facing this sexual dilemma with her boyfriend…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have recently started dating this very great guy. I introduced him to the family, and he got their approval. Usually this does not happen, so I got the green light from my family, and friends, and even random neighbors! Everyone says "you look great together!" Plus I feel very happy around him. He calls me all the time, pays me respect and attention and even has declared that he wants to marry me if I permit it.

Okay, so the problem is this. When we have sex, he is very focused and he puts all of his energy and stamina into it… which lasts a little too long for my taste! Also he is very experimental and wants to satisfy my every request! This is great right?

Well, now he pushed up the stakes and wants to try Anal sex! I don’t want to try it because I read that it is dangerous or bad, and I don’t want to break this taboo. However I have been extremely experimental in the past, but I never tried this. Am I being too prudish or what? How should I maintain a great sex life and relationship with him, but not make him feel rejected or limited in the bedroom?

– Cynthia, Florida

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Why Your Friends and Family Have No Business In Your Sex Life

In addition to taboos in our society,…

Anal Sex – How to Make Her REALLY Want It (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 12 Aug 2007 23:51:24 +0000

Contrary to popular belief, a happy and fulfilling sex life is about more than just exotic sex games and incredible, earth shattering orgasms.

It’s about truly understanding the sexual as well as the emotional desires of your partner, and fulfilling those needs. This means paying attention to what they want, and doing your best to satisfy their needs.

The topic of anal sex is a real sore point for so many couples (truly, no pun intended)

Yet few are willing to talk about this issue, and fewer still are willing to answer their questions.

With all the bizarre taboos and social stigmas in our culture today, it’s no wonder that so many people have utterly dysfunctional and empty sex lives. In the true spirit of this advice column, we’ll cover this topic in an open and honest manner.

So at the end of the day, can you really entice your wife or girlfriend into trying anal sex, and what’s the best way to go about it?

Here’s a question from a man in New Mexico wondering how to conquer this sexual challenge with his girlfriend…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How do I talk my girlfriend into having anal sex?

– Jay, New Mexico

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Why is it that so many men want their wife or girlfriend to have anal sex at some time or another?

Some guys can’t stand the idea, but for many it’s a serious turn-on. Maybe it’s just the forbidden aspect that draws them, the thought of doing something they’re not supposed to be doing, and getting away with it in secret. Or maybe not.

Regardless, for women, this is a whole different story. While some have tried it and actually even like it, most are unwilling to even talk about it… and they certainly don’t generally want to try it. Well, therein lies the problem.

So why don’t most women want to have anal sex?

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