Have you tried it before, only to watch your lover shrink away in pain? 

Do you fantasize about putting it in your lover’s backdoor, even though she won’t let you do it?

If anal pleasure is your thing, but you haven’t had the opportunity to have INCREDIBLE anal sex with your partner, your life is about to change.

Believe it or not, anal sex is one of the most INTENSE, SEXUALLY CHARGED experiences you can ever give your lover or experience yourself. Almost every couple tries it at least once, but many don’t stick with it because they’re just not doing it right. It CAN be comfortable and it can be incredibly pleasurable – but only if you’re following the right guidance.

Are the right tips out there for free on the Internet? Maybe. But who knows what is really out there? You could try something someone suggests online and wind up in the emergency room!

Gabrielle Moore, bestselling author of guides on female orgasms, foreplay and sex positions, covers the topic of anal pleasure and gives you the information that has been FORBIDDEN for so long!

You can trust that THESE are the tips you want to use and have confidence that when you follow these guidelines, you’re going to have pleasurable and orgasmic anal sex!

FREE Video Reveals The 7 Biggest Lies About Anal Sex You Have Been Brainwashed To Believe!

Click Here to Watch the Video

Anal Sex Is Common – It’s Just Not Talked About

Lots of people – even the world’s foremost sex experts – are afraid to cover the taboo topic of anal sex. In reality though, almost everyone’s tried it and a great deal of people continue to engage in it on a regular basis?

So why the heck is everyone so afraid of it?

Because if you do it wrong, you can really hurt yourself or someone else. 

So many sexual educators stay away from this topic to avoid the backlash if someone uses their tips and ends up getting hurt. Here’s the thing though – the lack of education on how to properly engage in anal sex is what is causing all the problems! 

Gabrielle Moore isn’t afraid to tackle this topic in Anal Pleasure For Her - in fact, she gives you EVERYTHING you need to know on how to make it a SAFE & PLEASURABLE experience for both you and your partner!

• What if you only had to do 3 easy things to get your partner to agree to anal sex?
• What if you could do it with NO PAIN for your lover?
• What if you could make your partner CRAVE it all the time?

Why Anal Sex Can Be So Awesome

The truth is, the anus is absolutely jam-packed with pleasurable nerve endings, which can result in amazing, orgasmic pleasure when stimulated the right way. So your girl can definitely get off on anal sex! And most guys DREAM & FANTASIZE about it, but can never get it! The firm grip of the anus on a man’s penis can be more intense than any blowjob or traditional intercourse – so there are a LOT of men who want to do this. But they can’t, because their partners almost always say no!

All that is about to change!

You’re going to find out WHY your partner is saying no and how you can change her answer to “YES!” every single time you ask!

You’re going to get to know how to make it CLEAN and not messy at all!

Even if your lover is an anal sex virgin, you’re going to find out how to unleash her naughty side and her INNER FREAK and get her to LOVE it!

Gabrielle’s new sex guide, Anal Pleasure For Her, will reveal the top secrets that cause a woman to not want to engage in anal play, and how you can get past those for the most amazing sex you’ve ever had. The best part is, when you follow these guidelines, it’s going to be amazing for HER too!

What You’ll Get In Anal Pleasure For Her

• The 7 BIGGEST lies about anal sex that you have been brainwashed to believe
• How anal play can bring your sex life to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL!
• Why most guys’ #1 fantasy is anal play
• The simplest, 3-step technique to get your girl to have anal sex with YOU!
• Why it isn’t a “gay” thing
• How to have PAIN FREE anal sex!
• The 2 biggest reasons women don’t like it (it’s NOT what you think!)
• What sex toys to use for pain-free, pleasurable orgasms!

What Else Will You Find In Anal Pleasure For Her?

• What religion REALLY says about anal play (this is totally DIFFERENT than what you’ve been taught!)
• Why orgasms during anal play are much more intense than any other orgasm you or your lover have experienced, ever!
• Why anal play might be the missing piece in your sex life that you’ve looked so hard for
• Why trust is such an important aspect of this sexual act
• What kind of lube to use (this is a BIGGIE that most guys ignore! If you do, you can ruin everything!)
• When NOT to try anal play & what to stay away from even if you like it (there are some things that are off-limits and you DON’T want to ignore them!)
• EVERYTHING about anal sex that no one has ever told you!

Are you ready to say GOODBYE to a boring sex life forever?

Are you ready to give your lover more pleasure than she has ever experienced before?

Do you want to feel sex tighter than with any virgin?

Do you want to explode in your lover’s backdoor and have her enjoy it just as much as you?

If you want the secret to a SUPER HOT sex life and to have crazier, wilder sex than you ever have, then get Get Anal Pleasure For Her TODAY!

If you’ve ever dreamed of having incredibly hot, shuddering anal sex with your partner, there is no time to waste!

If you get this guide right now, you can convince your girl to do it with you TONIGHT!

And… Don’t forget to watch the Free Video on the 7 Biggest Lies About Anal Sex:

Click Here to Watch the Video

Related Posts

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2. Make Her Beg For Anal Sex!
3. Does Liking Anal Sex With a Strap On Make Me Gay?
4. How To Surprise Your Man With Anal Sex And Make His Knees Weak!
5. 6 Ways To Make Anal Sex Better For Her

The Connection Between Oral Sex And Anal Sex

What’s the connection? It’s best to start slowly introducing anal play to your partner while you’re giving them great oral sex. Why? Because you create an association in their mind with something they already like (oral sex) with the thing you’re trying to get them to like (anal sex). Creating that association is key.

So is going slowly. You cant go from cunnilingus to having anal sex with them right away. It’s never a good idea, especially if your relationship is newer and/or this is the first time the two of you have had anal. Slowly is the key word. While giving your partner oral sex, gently introduce a finger up their butt or massage or stroke their taint. That’s a good one. The taint is the gateway drug to anal sex. If they love it when you play with their taint, you’re golden. If you’re patient.

Are YOU Open To Anal Play?

Another thing when trying to introduce your partner to anal sex is to consider whether or not you would be open to reciving it. Yes, you. Most people who are trying to introduce their partner to anal sex (men) are interested in being the giver, not the reciever. You have to be open to receiving as well, if you really want to do it.

Maybe she’s willing to let you do it to her, after she gets to do it for you. Again, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander (we’re sure they were referring to anal sex when they came up with this saying, aren’t you?) and if you’re truly wanting her to open herself to the possiblity of anal play, you’re going to have to be willing to spread your own cheeks and take it like a man (literally).

Why men have such hang ups on this, we’ll never know. It doesn’t make you gay. Any sex act that occurs between two people of different genders is by default, heterosexual in nature. Just remember to go slow, breathe deep and use lots of lube. If you don’t follow those three steps, your transition from oral sex to anal sex will be a short trip. It will stop all the fun, and often leads to injury. The emergency rooms of the world are filled with people who didn’t heed this warning. Don’t believe us? Call the E.R. and ask.

Who Is Really After The Anal Play?

There’s a really big elephant in the room here, and it’s time we talked about it. Who wants to add anal sex to your oral sex and intercourse buffet of sex? You or your partner or both? Are you trying to tell your partner it’s okay to do, because you know deep down they secretly want to? Or is it something you want to do and you really don’t care if he/she’s into it or not. You can’t force anyone to do anything.

Unless you’re Rick James or Charlie Sheen. And even they would up paying for it eventually. Putting pressure on your partner to do something they really aren’t into and won’t enjoy is just not cool and always ends in disaster. It will blow up in your face (and not in a fun way). The only question is when and how bad. So don’t do that. It’s not worth jepardizing your relationship with your partner for something like this.

If that’s the case, talk about your desires with your partner and why your’e interested in going from oral sex to anal sex. Maybe it’s not the anal sex itself that turns you on. Maybe it’s something else. Starting a dialogue is always the first step to great sex, because it will get things out in the open, you’ll get a feel for what the other is into and open to and then you can come to some kind of understanding, and that leads to compromise. Which, honestly, at the end of the day is what relationships of all kinds are all about. Alot of give and take as it were. And no, that’s not code for a something.

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4. Getting Anal Sex Right – The First Time
5. What You Need To Know About Anal Sex Toys

Use Plenty Of Lube

Lube is essential for making your double penetration as comfortable and pleasurable as possible. When you are choosing a lube, make sure that it’s water-based. KY and Astroglide work best with toys and with a real penis. Apply the lube to your vagina and your anus, not just the men or the sex toys. Make sure that you’re not just adding lube to the exterior of your vagina and anus. The walls need to have a lot of lube on them prior to the objects entering you.

Relaxation Is Key

Relaxing the muscles in your anus will make the experience much more pleasurable. The muscles in your anus will naturally contract when the sex toy or the penis starts to go in. You need to learn how to relax the muscles so the toy or the penis can go deep. You will not get the same sensations if the penetrating object can only go in a half inch. Remember to breathe through the experience while keeping all of your anal muscles relaxed.

Consider Using Sex Toys

Sex toys can be one way that you have double penetration yourself. Using dildos, vibrators or butt plugs can make your first experience easy. Sometime it’s better to start out by yourself so you know what you like and how it’s going to feel. Bringing a partner or two partners into the mix when you don’t know if you’re going to like it could make the situation a little awkward. When using sex toys, make sure that you’re using the smaller toy for anal. If you have had a lot of experience with anal sex then you might not need to do this. However, if you’re a newbie to anal you could find a larger dildo very uncomfortable.

MMF Threesome

Many women find it extremely hot to have two guys taking her from both entrances. When you have two guys giving your double penetration, you must be safe. Condoms are a must and the best thing about them is that the condom will offer less resistance than an unprotected penis. When a penis is entering your body it could contract bacteria from your anus so do not allow the men to go inside your ass and then into your vagina. They must stay in the same hole to keep you safe. If you’re going with two penises in your vagina or anus, remember that there is an exponentially higher risk of the condoms breaking. You will need to use a lot of lube if this is what you want to do.

Consider Safety

As stated before, you must wear condoms when having double penetration. It’s also best to be on the pill and have the guys you are having sex with get tested before hand. If you are with your boyfriend and a sex toy, you probably know that he’s clean. It’s best to use a condom on the toy before you put it inside you just to keep the toy safe. Whether your boyfriend is going to enter your vagina or give you anal, it’s always recommended to use a condom with toys. If you aren’t too sure about having a sex toy in your ass, you can always lube up your boyfriend’s fingers. His fingers are going to be much smaller and can easily fit inside you comfortably.

Little Known Fact

Double penetration is reliant on muscle relaxation. One little known fact is that the muscles in your vagina and anus will be more relaxed after having an orgasm. If you are looking for an easy way to make the experience much more pleasurable on the first try, have your boyfriend finger you or give you oral sex before he gives you double penetration. This can also come in handy if you are going to be with two guys because it will cut down on the risk of the condoms breaking while they are inside you.

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2. Can A Woman Have A Double Vagina?
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5. Sexual Penetration And What It REALLY Means…

Is It True?

Can you have anal orgasm? Yes, you can. “Can” being the operative word here.

Theoretically, all people can have anal orgasms. Some think it’s from the excitement of anal sex, and while there are people who can orgasm from anal sex only, most people will require additional genital stimulation to get off.

Anal Play For Guys

For men, anal orgasms typically are achieved through prostate massage or stimulation. Ladies, that entails you giving him the finger while blowing him. If you don’t feel comfortable with that for safety or other reasons, you can use sex toys specifically designed for that.

Ladies, be gentle. Some men may be tough, some men may like it rough, but nobody likes a finger (or toy) jammed up their bum without some warning first. Everyone loves surprises, unless it’s a finger up the butt. So people, please, talk about this before hand. Use ample amounts of communication and lube before you put your finger up there.

Anal Play For Girls

If you want your girl to have an anal orgasm, try slipping your finger in her anus while giving her oral sex. Sneak it in – sort of. You don’t want to sneak it in, literally, but you need to gradually introduce it while giving oral sex, especially if it’s the first time you’ve done it in the relationship. You can’t just ram a finger in there and expect the magic to happen. This isn’t porn. Or Vegas. This is real sex in real life.

A great technique for anal stimulation for women is placing one finger in the vagina and one finger in the anus, and you manually stimulate her that way.

Getting Off On Anal Sex Only

How do you get that point where you get off on anal by itself? Well, you’ll need to start with equal parts anal and genital stimulation in the beginning, and gradually decrease the genital stimulation while increasing the anal stimulation. By this point, your partner will (hopefully) be very used to getting off this way, and then they will have a postive mental pattern associated with anal play. This is super important.

Why? Because despite what porn or sex tips magazines may have you believe, sex begins and ends in the mind. If you think it’s impossible or difficult to have an anal orgasm, you’re right. But if getting off solely by anal play is a common, regular, every day occurrence in your world, guess what? You’re right too. That’s why it’s super important to create that positive mental connection first.

Other Things To Keep In Mind

What else can you do to create anal orgasm? Eat lots of fiber, so you can clean your pipes on a regular basis. Who wants to talk about this? Nobody. Despite the fact that Oprah did an entire episode on poo, the subject still leaves a nasty taste in people’s mouths. An enema is also a good option to keep things clean down there.

Also, do NOT forget to use lube and LOTS of it. There is no other option. Go slow. Rushing can cause discomfort, pain, or damage.

Using sex toys with big bases are critical so you don’t get anything lost up there. Plenty emergency rooms are filled people who lost toys up there. Yes, we are serious. No it wasn’t us. But trust us, this happens a lot. Friends don’t let friends lose anal toys in someone’s butt, so make sure you and anyone else you know is using the right ones.

Above all, don’t force anything. Forcing sex in any way is always bad, but with anal sex it’s super duper bad. Worst case scenario, someone gets injured or has to go to the hospital. Best case scenario if you force anal? Your partner feels used or angry or hurt. None of which are good and you might as well count yourself out of doing whatever you did ever, ever again. So talk about it first! Agree on everything first! Go slow, use a safe word, and again, lots of lube.

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5. 4 Things You Need To Know About Anal Sex

Intercourse

Yes, having a big penis can come in handy during intercourse because it has the ability to reach and stimulate the g-spot. However, a guy with a smaller member can do that also, if he just knows how to use what he’s got.

So is having sex with a guy that is very large not always good? Sure.

A huge member can cause a woman pain during and after intercourse, and may even cause her to bleed. Special care must be taken when having sex with a guy who has a big penis, so as not to cause pain or discomfort. Although the vagina is made to stretch and accommodate a wide variety of things (think childbirth), so it’s most definitely not impossible for a woman to have sex with a very well endowed guy. But if it’s going to be any good, keep these things in mind:

• Using lube will help ease you into her vagina more comfortably than without it. Don’t assume that you’ve turned her on enough that she’s so wet she doesn’t need any lube. Use it. Period.
• Go slow. Give her time to stretch and accommodate your large penis. It’s not going to happen right away.
• Warm her up first. Give her oral sex. Do what you need to do to get her really, really aroused. When a woman is aroused enough, the vagina can almost double in length, making it much easier and more comfortable to have sex.

Oral Sex

For a woman, giving a guy who has a big penis oral sex can be tough, especially if she’s not skilled at it. She might not know what to do with it since it’s so large, because she probably won’t be able to fit it all in her mouth and unless you’re with a PRO, she’s not going to be able to deep throat it either.

You’ll probably start out with quite a bit of teeth grazing your member, but just gently tell her what doesn’t feel good without criticism. Give her time to get the hang of it.

Encourage her to use her hand at the base of your penis, while she sucks on the head and mid-shaft. This is usually the best way for both you and her to enjoy oral sex if you’re well endowed. Alternatively, you can also stimulate the base of the penis yourself and allow her to concentrate more on sucking and licking the head of your penis. This can be very helpful for a girl who isn’t very skilled at giving a blowjob or isn’t coordinated enough to use her hand and mouth in conjunction with each other to get you off.

Anal Sex

If you have a really, really big penis, anal sex isn’t going to be something you want to try with your girl – or something your girl wants to try with you. At all. Even if she’s had anal sex before, it was most likely either with a smaller guy or a sex toy. The truth is, if you have a huge cock, she’s going to be terrified of the idea of it going up her bum, ’cause even small things can hurt when they go up there.

If you really want to engage in anal play with her, definitely stick to smaller sized sex toys that are specifically made for anal sex.

If you absolutely MUST try anal sex (and she’s on board with the idea), start small and work your way up. DO NOT just thrust your huge member into her! Begin with smaller sex toys and graduate to larger ones as she feels more and more comfortable. This can take several sessions, weeks, months or even longer for her to get to the point where she’s experienced and comfortable enough to consider taking your big penis into her anus.

Give her time! Don’t rush her, because if you do, she’ll probably cross that activity off the list and never revisit the subject again. Play by her rules and you might actually get something out of it. And one last tip for anal sex with a big penis – USE LUBE. A whole bottle. Not even kidding.

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Check out our greatest tips of the year.

• 4 Things You Need To Know About Anal Sex
• 5 Reasons Hardcore Anal Sex Isn’t A Good Idea
• 6 Ways To Make Anal Sex Better For Her
• Anal Sex, Enemas & Colonics – What You Need To Know (Video)
• My Boyfriend Wants Anal Sex – What Do I Do?

Don’t forget to take a look at some of our best tips ever!

• The Male G-Spot: How To Find And Stimulate The Prostate Gland (Video) (a lot of guys are too timid to try this, but if you can them to try it, it can bring about some of the most intense orgasms a man has ever, ever had!)
• How To Get Her To Love Anal Sex (Video)
• Anal Sex Play For Beginners – Tips & Techniques (Video)
• Why Anal Sex Can Hurt

We’ve looked long and hard for good resources for you this year, and have had a tough time finding ones that not only offer the truth about anal sex (that you need to be safe, safe, safe) as well as highlight how it can actually feel really incredible! So without further adieu, our favorite resource of the year is:

• Anal Pleasure For Her (this guide includes pretty much everything you want to know about backdoor action – and some things you probably didn’t – so if you’re looking for an all in one type of guide, this is the one you want to get!)

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5. Best Female Masturbation Secrets Of 2011

He Doesn’t Want To Try “Butt Stuff”

This applies to “butt stuff” on HIM. Most guys enjoy anal sex with women, but the street doesn’t go both ways. Although you can give him a totally fierce orgasm via prostate massage, he’s not likely going to be very receptive to it unless he’s very adventurous. Suggesting that you put a finger up his anus while giving him a blowjob might get you a strange look, or it may get you thrown out of the bedroom depending on how much the “butt stuff” freaks him out.

Some guys will politely turn you down, while others will be convinced that you’re trying to turn them gay and run for the hills. Read your man – if he likes a lot of naughty stuff, he might be into it. If he’s more of a “vanilla” guy, don’t even bother bringing it up.

Lingerie That Has Too Many Clasps, Buttons, Zippers, etc.

Does he love seeing you wear sexy lingerie? Hell yeah, he does! But he also wants to take it OFF. And if taking off whatever you’re wearing is more like diffusing a bomb than getting you undressed sexily, your man is going to become frustrated well before he ever gets to see you naked. Keep this in mind when choosing lingerie.

Garter belts are totally hot, but they’re also a pain in the ass to get on and off. If you want to go that route, just leave them on during sex and make sure he has full access to your breasts and nether regions. If you want to wear something sexy to bed, go for it. Just make sure your guy can actually get it off of you in a short amount of time. Because honestly, if you do the lingerie right, he’s going to want to rip it off you ASAP anyways.

Watching Porn With You

Lots of sex tips suggest watching porn with your partner to help you and him get aroused before sex. Yes, your guy watches porn. He likes it, he masturbates to it, but he doesn’t want to watch it with YOU. There could be many reasons why, such as he had a past girlfriend totally freak out on him about it or he just really enjoys you so much that he doesn’t want his attention drawn to other women (we’re going to pretend it’s the latter – it could be true).

Unless your guy suggests it or brings it up, leave it alone. Let the porn stay on his computer or under his bed and let him enjoy his solo time with it just like that – solo. But don’t be afraid to get your own porn stash going – if porn turns you on, why don’t you watch it the way he does? Solo?

Drunk Sex

Lots of great sex has been born from having a few drinks beforehand. But great sex does not come from being so totally sloshed you can’t get your underwear off. Yeah, we’ve all had our crazy nights and have woke up wondering what the hell happened (and from what you can remember, it was pretty damn fun) but that’s not something your guy wants to do all the time. In fact, being completely shitfaced during sex is probably something you want to save for one night stands, mistakes you’ll regret later, etc. and so on.

Another thing to note here is that if he drinks too much, it’s likely he’ll have “liquor dick” and won’t be able to get or maintain a good erection. So yeah, he doesn’t want drunk sex. Feel free to engage in having a few drinks beforehand to take the edge off and lower your inhibitions a little bit, but know when to put the drink down and head to the bedroom.

Kinky Sex That Goes Too Far

Many sex tips resources assume that all men like kinky sex and the kinkier the better. This is actually far from the truth. While most guys will enjoy the occasional bondage scenario (such as being handcuffed to the bed for a blowjob) or spanking their girl during doggy style, kinky sex that goes too far is actually going to scare you partner away. Don’t be afraid to try new things, but breaking out the cock cage, leather whip and dog collar will ensure that you’ll never see hide nor hair of your man again.

This is, of course, unless your man is super into kinky sex (which you would have already known if he is). If he’s just your average Joe, learn how to give an excellent blowjob instead. That will impress him far more than whipping out all the sex toys and kinky stuff in your nightstand drawer.

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Wrong!

Tons of women love anal sex. And when you know what you’re doing, they may even request it more than traditional vaginal sex.

Here’s exactly what you’ll need to know in order to get her to beg for anal sex anytime you want.

Lube Is Your Best Friend

Anal sex can be painful to women, and the skin around the anus is exceptionally thin and can tear easily. A good quality oil or water based lube is an absolute must if you are going to go down the Hershey Highway.

Don’t worry if you are using too much lube. It’s better to use half the bottle and ensure that she is comfortable, than to have her jump up in paid and end the sex all together, simply because you were being cheap with the lube.

Start Small At First

Before getting carried away with anal sex, it’s important for her anus to become relaxed and loosened up enough to comfortably fit your cock.

Your best options would be to either use your finger (coating in lube of course) or to use small anal sex toys. Just about every sex store in the world should carry an anal sex starter kit, and these are perfect to help you get things going on the right path.

These kits include toys that start off as tiny as your pinky finger, and get larger and larger in size. This will allow you to gently help her to loosen up enough, so that she will feel nothing but pleasure when it’s time for you to insert your cock.

Sh!t Happens

Listen, there is a good chance that things might get pretty messy during anal sex. In adult films, what you don’t realize is that women usually use at least 1-2 enemas before they ever start shooting an anal sex scene.

In real life however, things can and (most likely) will get messy from time to time.

The best advice I can give you is “low lights and baby wipes!” Make sure to keep the lights down low. Candles are perfect in this case. And also remember to have a supply of baby wipes near your bed. Keep in mind, that if the idea of a tiny bit of fecal matter bothers you, then anal sex might not be for you.

Remember The After Care

After the sex is over, don’t just roll over and go to sleep (or ask her to make you a sandwich). Instead, help her to get cleaned up, or even join her in the shower. Let her know how much you enjoyed the sex, and how much you appreciate her letting you put it in her back door.

If you skip the after care, then prepare for her to never allow you to get really dirty with her again.

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5. Does Liking Anal Sex With a Strap On Make Me Gay?

Taking Precautions With Anal Sex

If you’ve read anything about anal sex at all, you probably already know that you have to take precautions. It’s not at all like vaginal sex. The anus doesn’t lubricate itself, so you want to make sure to use plenty of lube when you do engage in the backdoor fun. Also, going slow, communicating and working your way up in size (do not start with a giant dildo) is in order when it comes to anal sex. The tissue of the anus is very tender and thin, and can tear easily, so always be gentle and slow!

Make Sure You’re Relaxed And Aroused

A vagina can often be penetrated at any time – lube or no lube. There have been countless women who have succumbed to their partner’s wishes for a “quickie” and got it on without being relaxed or aroused – but the sex still took place, right? Not so with anal sex. The receiving partner must be relaxed and aroused for this to work properly! If the anus is not relaxed, it is going to be much, much more difficult for anything to be inserted – if it is possible at all.

Also, lube is not optional for anal sex! You may think it is for vaginal sex (and in some cases it is, but lube is always handy), but it is absolutely MANDATORY for backdoor action! Use a good, thick lube that doesn’t get sticky or dry out easily.

Starting With Sex Toys

A lot of people like to start anal play by using sex toys. This is because they can start small and work their way up (often, starting with just the fingers or a penis is too much at first) – and that’s a good thing. You can start with a tiny butt plug (they make ones that are really small) and graduate to larger objects as you become accustomed to the feeling. Always make sure that your anal sex toys have a flared or ring style base, or they can get lost in there!

When To Stop

It’s not hard to tell when you’ve had enough anal sex – in fact, knowing when to put the brakes on things is relatively easy. If you experience pain at all, it’s time to stop! Plain and simple. There’s no grey areas here – if it hurts at all, find something else to do! Other reasons to stop may be if you notice any bleeding, or if you just feel like something isn’t right. Listen to your body and when it tells you that it’s had enough, you should know it!

The “amount” of anal sex that crosses the line varies from person to person. One person may not be able to tolerate as much as another, so only you will know what the right “amount” is for you. Again, let your body guide you. If you feel discomfort, pain or just want to stop, go ahead and stop!

A Note On Desensitizing Lubes

Never use a desensitizing lube on your anus during any type of anal play. This actually “numbs” the area from feeling pain – which can seem like a good thing, but it’s not. If you’re not aware of any pain during anal sex, it’s likely something could go very wrong and you wouldn’t be aware of it until later. Pain is your body’s way of saying “Stop!”

Symptoms Of Anal Sex That Is Too Intense

If you’re having anal sex that is too intense or goes overboard, you may notice these things:

• If you’ve been using big sex toys, such as a large butt plug (or your partner has a really big penis), you may notice that your anus stretches and it becomes more and more difficult to control your bowel movements
• Pain or discomfort that goes beyond just when you’re having anal sex
• Bleeding or hemorrhoids

Communicating With Your Partner

Communication is essential for successful anal sex. You want to be in constant communication about what feels good, and more specifically, what doesn’t. If something hurts, don’t be tempted to just “endure it” or “push through it” just because your partner enjoys it. And if you’re the giving partner, you definitely want to be asking your lover if everything is going okay on a regular basis.

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5. Make Her Beg For Anal Sex!

Are You Ready For Anal Sex?

You’ve thought about trying it with your guy, but aren’t sure how you feel about it. So before you do this for him, think about how anal sex will affect you. Are you scared it will hurt? Are you nervous about making a mess? Calm your fears by reading about things you can do to make your adventure to the backdoor safer and more comfortable for you.

Getting Ready

Start by masturbating with anal play a few times before trying it with your guy. Doing it alone for the first few times will not only help you get a leg up on the game before you’re expected to perform, it will also help you find out if this is really your cup of tea (and it may not be).

If you’ve never experimented with anal play before, don’t do any insertion at first. While you’re using your vibrator or your hand to massage your clitoris during masturbation, gently lay one finger next to your anus. Lightly rub it if it arouses you. Try different movements and see what feels best. Since you’re alone, you’re not worrying about what your partner is thinking or scared it will hurt. You’re in control here, so take advantage of it.

Beginning With Insertion

If you’ve made it this far and enjoy light anal stimulation while you’re masturbating, you’re ready to graduate to insertion. Start with your finger or a small butt plug and remember to use lots of lube. It will likely feel odd at first, so give your body time to relax and adjust. Another benefit to being alone is you have the freedom to react however you like, without being concerned about your partner’s thoughts and feelings about how you react.

Massage your anus with your finger or your sex toy, and allow the sphincter muscles to relax. This may take several minutes, so continue pleasuring yourself in other ways – this will help you relax even more. As you get continue to masturbate with anal play, you’re going to get more used to it – so when you finally do introduce it to your lover, he’ll be impressed how well you know your way around things!

Anal Sex With Your Partner

Tonight is the big night. You’re ready to surprise your lover with your new found passion for anal sex. Spend a few minutes by yourself first, with your favorite vibrator and a bottle of lube. Get yourself warmed up and work on relaxing your sphincter muscles.

After you’ve had plenty of foreplay and warm up time, let him penetrate your vagina a few times. Get your fill of it now, because you won’t want to switch back to vaginal sex after anal sex unless he’s wearing a condom (which is actually a very good idea for anal sex anyways) or he washes up first.

What you’re going to do is actually slip his penis in your anus without ever telling him you’re going to do it. This is, however, assuming that you’ve already confirmed with your partner that he’s into anal sex and is willing to try it. Don’t ever do this if your lover hasn’t consented first!

Make sure you’re either very wet or you’ve used a lot of lube. Part of the reason you massaged your anus before having sex with your partner is that you want to be ready for him to go right in – you want it to be a smooth transition and you want him to slide in easily, without effort. Make him believe you’re a pro! He’ll be shocked, and you’ll likely hear him gasp for air because of how tight you are – he wasn’t expecting it!

Tell Him How Much You Like It

So many guys finally get their girlfriends to try anal sex, only to be disappointed to end up with her shrinking away from him in pain. This is most likely due to men who fail to give their gals enough foreplay and warm up time, but c’est la vie. Show your guy how much you love it by grinding against him (if you can’t do this, you haven’t had enough time to relax) and tell him where and how to do it to turn you on. He’ll love that you suddenly turned into an anal sex pro seemingly overnight!

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Use Plenty Of Lube

Unlike the vagina, the anus does not produce its own lubrication. Use a water based lubricant. You can get something flavored if you want to put it on her before you stick your tongue in there. However, never, EVER attempt anal sex without lubrication. It will cause tearing in her anus, not to mention a lot of pain.

Relaxation Is Key!

Have her take some deep breaths. Perhaps you can give her a massage first to loosen her up. If she is a little ball of tension, it causes the sphincter to tighten. If that’s tight, you’ll never get in. Engaging in some oral sex or other foreplay to get her turned on is one of the best ways to get her to relax.

Warm Her Up First

Slip a finger in. Start small, especially if this is her first time. Meaning, use your pinky. Once you’re all lubed up, glide it in and out slowly and gently to get her used to insertion. Next try your ring finger. Really work it out. Insert it, swivel around, tickle. The more time you can spend the better. If she can’t handle your finger, she sure as hell won’t be able to handle your penis. That is, and I hope for your sake, if your penis is larger than your digits.

Go Slow

Now you’re ready. Don’t go jabbing your member straight into the no-no hole. You will be immediately kicked out of bed, maybe forever. Particularly amongst anal virgins, this needs to be gradual. Tease the anus a bit, and then slide in just the head. Pull out, and then slide it in a little deeper. Keep doing it until you can comfortable get it all the way in. Don’t add speed or pressure until she is ready for it. Well, now you can take it from here.

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Use Plenty Of Lube

You may already know this, but there’s no mistaking the importance that a good amount of lube does for anal sex or any kind of anal play – including fingering. Don’t try to use spit, saliva or oil as a lube – it’s just not going to work. Instead, make sure you have a bottle of water based or silicone based lubricant on hand before you ever get started.

A scented lube can work really well for anal fingering, because not only do they work well, but they smell great too. Your lover may be apprehensive that they will smell bad if you’re that close to their nether region, but if they’re showered first and if you use a scented lube, it most likely won’t be an issue at all.

Never use a desensitizing lube when engaging in anal play. While it may seem beneficial to make sure your lover can’t feel it as much, that means you can do more damage than you intended to and not have any clue that you’re doing it! Your lover will wake up in the morning sore or bleeding, and won’t ever want to try it again!

Start With One Finger

This may seem like a no-brainer, but many people get so excited to try anal fingering with their lover that they try to use more than one finger to start off with. This won’t work very well and may cause  intense pain or discomfort. It’s important to start with one finger (your pinky finger if your hands are extremely large and your fingers are thick) until your lover gets used to the sensation. Once your lover seems to be enjoying it and is well lubed up, you can work on introducing more fingers, one at a time.

Give Them Oral Sex First – And During

For your lover to enjoy the sensations you’re giving during anal fingering, they have to be really, really turned on first. Even with plenty of lube, you’re still going to have a difficult time inserting your finger if their anal muscles are tight and not relaxed. So spend some time getting them turned on first, through foreplay and oral sex. Oral sex is an excellent precursor to anal fingering, simply because it is such an erotic activity.

Lube your finger up and slip it slowly into your lover’s anus while you’re performing oral sex on them. They will be more apt to enjoy the feeling than shy away from it, simply because what you were doing before already felt so good!

Wear Gloves

Consider donning a latex or vinyl glove before anal play. It may make you feel a little awkward, but your lover will appreciate it. You may think you have your nails trimmed and your cuticles cut, but if your hands are at all callused – as in, if you do any work for a living at all – your fingers are going to hurt your lover. Ladies, acrylic nails can hurt a man when you’re trying to massage his prostate gland!

Invest in a good box of gloves and keep them around for using during anal fingering. Your fingers will go in much more smoothly, especially with enough lube on hand. Also, it will protect you from getting bacteria and solid waste under your fingernails! Just be aware that petroleum jelly or oil based products will break down condoms and latex gloves!

Go Slow!

When you’re first fingering your lover, don’t be tempted to go too fast. It’s easy to go fast when you’re excited, but you can really hurt your lover this way. Instead, take your time and go slow. Build up their pleasure with oral sex while you massage their anus. Even if you can only slowly get your finger in and out once, you’re doing good for your first time.

You may not even get to have a really amazing session the first time you try anal fingering with your lover – the first time may actually be just “trying” it. Your lover isn’t sure what to expect and they don’t know what it’s going to feel like. The first time might simply be them getting accustomed to what it’s like. The next few times you’ll notice your lover getting more and more into it, as they get used to how it feels and they learn how to get pleasure out of it.

Use A “Come Hither” Motion

Anal fingering is much the same as vaginal fingering. You want to slowly insert the finger, palm side up. Once you get into position, slowly move your finger in a “come hither” motion, as though you would if you were trying to stimulate the g-spot. This is pleasurable for a woman, and even more so for a man, because it stimulates the prostate gland.

Many people make the mistake of thinking anal fingering is pushing the finger in and out of the anus. This is not going to be pleasurable at all! In fact, insertion and pushing past the tight sphincter muscles is actually the most painful part and only when it’s over can the recipient actually begin to experience pleasure. If you’re just pushing your finger in and out, you’re just repeating the worst part of anal fingering over and over again.

Instead, use the come-hither motion to gently massage all the nerve endings on the inside of the anus, and to put pressure on the pelvic floor. Combined with a glove, patience and plenty of lube, you can get your lover to really enjoy anal fingering!

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Question: I have a very serious question. My friend can only come when he anally masturbates – he can no longer come just using his penis. Can you explain this?

–YouTube Viewer

What Is An Anal Orgasm?

An orgasm through anal sex is due to stimulation of the prostate gland in men. It is possible for women to have an anal orgasm as well, but it is much more common in guys. When the prostate gland is stimulated through penetration of the anus, it can produce intense, deeply pleasurable sensations. Often, this will contribute to a powerful orgasm or cause one in and of itself. Usually, you have to stimulate the penis as well, but in some cases, an orgasm can happen through anal stimulation alone.

It’s Easy To Get Stuck In An “Orgasm Rut”

When you masturbate, it’s easy for both men and women to get stuck in an “orgasm rut.” In women, this is usually due to the use of a vibrator. A woman gets used to using a vibrator may have difficulty reaching climax during sex or fingering, and a man who almost always uses anal stimulation to get himself off during masturbation may notice that he is unable to climax without it.

It’s easy to get yourself into a habit of masturbating a certain way, and it may seem impossible to break that habit. Anal orgasms in particular are very powerful, and you can definitely get “addicted” to the intense rush that an orgasm like that can give you. It may not feel as pleasurable to you to masturbate any other way.

Is The Situation Permanent?

It may be common for people to get stuck only being able to reach orgasm in one way, but does that mean that the situation will last forever? Will you ever be able to masturbate or have sex and reach climax again without anal stimulation?

Yes. It may be a difficult habit to break and it’s certainly not going to happen overnight – but it IS possible to train yourself to reach climax in other ways. You’re not going to be able to break the habit if you continue to use anal stimulation with masturbation – you actually have to give it up for awhile and re-teach yourself to climax through regular masturbation or sexual intercourse.

It is unlikely that you will be able to reach climax on the first try if you’re not using anal sex toys. You may, but give yourself plenty of time to get warmed up and tease yourself. Set aside a good chunk of time, lock the doors and turn off your phone. Resist the temptation to just do it the same way you did before – find new ways to pleasure yourself. If you stick with it, you’ll eventually train yourself to be able to climax without anal penetration. Once you do that, you’ll find that you can reach climax both ways!

If You Just Can’t Do It

It’s unlikely that with time, dedication and persistence that you can train yourself to orgasm with many different forms of stimulation. However, if you try it and you just don’t have the patience to stick with it, relax. Just let it go and have fun with it! There’s nothing wrong with wanting or needing anal stimulation to reach climax. If it’s pleasurable and not hurting you or doing damage in any way, there’s really no reason to stress out about having to “quit.”

Sex and masturbation is all about having fun and giving yourself pleasure. Many people, especially men, may not want to admit that they masturbate anally. They may want to try to find other ways to reach climax because they feel embarrassed about wanting or needing to masturbate with anal sex toys. There’s no reason to feel ashamed about it – everyone likes different things during sex and no two people’s sexual preferences are exactly the same. If you just can’t seem to do without it, don’t stress over it. Relax, have fun and enjoy your orgasm!

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Question: I am a guy and I often use Astroglide lubricant on my anal sex toy. However when I run out of Astroglide, I’m too lazy to go right to the store to buy more and instead use hand lotion (like Curel). Is this bad for my body?

–YouTube Viewer

What Isn’t Lube

While there are some things out there that aren’t designed for use during sex but will work in a pinch, they’re just not really lube and they don’t do a good job. While you may think that lotion or oil will be slick enough for sex or masturbation with sex toys, they almost never are. Here are a few things that aren’t a good lubricant:

Spit

Spit will work if you don’t have anything else on hand, but it dries out quickly. You often need copious amounts of saliva to make sex feel good at all. If you or your partner have a dry mouth, it may be difficult for you to produce enough saliva to lubricate yourself thoroughly.

Hand Lotion

This is very thick and only gets thicker and stickier as you use it. The limited amount of water in it evaporates very quickly, so you’re left with a thick, sticky mess. Also, fragrances and chemicals can be very irritating to the delicate tissues of both the penis and the vagina. It absorbs quickly, so you’re going to have to reapply frequently.

Baby Oil, Petroleum Based Products

Anything that is oil or is made with oil will break down a condom and also ruin any sex toys you have that are made from or with latex.

Why Lube Is So Important For Vaginal Intercourse

Sex is better when it’s wetter – there’s no doubt about that. If you can get a woman really, really wet, so much the better. If you want to make sure your partner is lubricated enough naturally, make sure you spend lots of time on foreplay. Don’t just rush to intercourse thinking it will feel as good for her as it will for you. Never underestimate the power of oral sex to help get a woman really wet before penetration!

However, vaginas don’t always lubricate themselves enough to make intercourse comfortable, especially if it lasts a while. Anal sex requires significantly more lubricant than traditional intercourse, since the anus does not produce any natural lubrication of its own.

Sex is not only more comfortable with lube, when you have more than enough of it, a woman can reach orgasm faster and easier than if things are too dry and there is too much friction.

Why It’s So Important For Anal Sex

Using lubrication during anal sex is an absolute necessity. Using enough lube during anal sex reduces the risk of the delicate anal tissues tearing. Lotion, spit or oils definitely won’t work for anal sex, and forgetting to use lubricant at all will either make anal sex impossible or cause more damage than you bargained for. Using it for anal sex will also help reduce the risk of extreme pain and discomfort, hemorrhoids, and irritation afterwards.

It’s really not worth it to try anal sex without lubricant or without the proper kind – you can end up being in immense pain (or causing your partner immense pain) and in worst case scenarios, you’ll have to seek professional medical attention. You’ll probably find that anal sex is downright impossible without at least some kind of lubricant.

What Is It Made Out Of?

Lubricant contains several ingredients, and can be both organic and non-organic – there are several different brands and formulas available on the market. It’s formulated to mimic natural body fluids as best as possible, last as long as possible and feel great during sexual intercourse. All formulas of lubricant are compatible with both vaginal intercourse and anal sex, and water based lube is also safe with condoms and all sex toys.

Most brands are inexpensive and can be purchased at your local pharmacy, drug store or supermarket. You can also shop for lubricant online and there are some really great deals out there, especially when you buy the larger bottles. For masturbation, sex and anal sex, you really want to keep enough of your favorite lubricant in stock all the time! Buy more before you run out!

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How Adventurous Are You?

Most men would say “Adventure is my middle name” and “absolutely” with utmost confidence when it comes to sexual intercourse and experimenting with sex positions thanks to PORN and the Kama Sutra.

Women would and answer “it depends on my mood” to both questions. Get the hint? No? Are you retarded or something? Oh man! She needs motivation you dork!

Satisfying a woman entails a lot of time spent on initiating foreplay until her batteries are all charged up and her libido spiking up to the maximum level. I don’t mean just mediocre foreplay and hard slapping and pounding sexual intercourse after dude! It has to give her a very electrifying, explosive, intense and invigorating and masterfully orgasmic experience prior to getting your Jerky, Johnson, Willy, Junior or whatever you call your penis spit-fully satisfied inside her sweet, wet, warm vagina.

Men treat foreplay as just a waste of time and are oh so eager to just get it on. What most men don’t understand is that women who get enough foreplay can go the distance of attempting what only a handful of women would do for their man – and that is, to stimulate the male G-spot.

What Is The Male G-Spot?

“Eeewww!”, “You want me to do what???,”Yuck!”, ”That’s so disgusting! Are you gay?” – Typical reaction of women, who are deprived of enough foreplay, asked or, since we’re talking about sensitive and emotional women, I should say “requested” to stimulate the male G-spot.

For those of you who are clueless about what the hell I’m talking about, brace yourselves – get a cup of coffee, a cigarette, a bottle of beer or anything that could keep you glued to reading what I intend to reveal to the less fortunate ones.

Alright, the male G-spot is the prostate gland and not the head of your penis or your balls. It is located and can be stimulated from the anus. Yup! Don’t blame or question God for engineering it that way. There is a reason for its anatomical position. It is there because it is situated close to the so-called ejaculatory ducts. The term ejaculatory ducts are quite self-explanatory isn’t it? Get the logic?

Getting Her To Do It

This may be such a turn-off but if you give women the pampering and satisfaction she yearns and needs during foreplay, she will go the distance of allowing you to lay on your back with your legs spread apart like when a woman is about to give birth and best achieved when a pillow us under your hips aiding elevation and giving the appropriate angle. Applying pressure on the perineum or the surface of your anus would prep you up.

Stimulating the male G-spot or the prostate gland that resembles the shape of a chestnut requires gentle probing using the middle finger initially, to about 2 inches inside the anus. And the crowd went wild! Geez! Ever heard of a LUBRICANT you chicken? Your partner can make it even more interesting and exhilarating when coupled with fellatio while probing and applying different levels of pressure and intensity on your G-spot.

Trust this soon-to-be sex guru – after such an experience you would surely need to take a very cold shower to keep the conflagration under control because it is definitely illuminatingly hot when a woman does this to you in exchange for treating her like a queen during foreplay.

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Tearing And Bleeding

This is probably one you’ve heard before. Tearing and bleeding of the rectum can happen at any time, but you are much more at risk for it when engaging in hardcore anal sex and even more so if you’re not using an adequate amount of lubrication.

If enough lube is used and both partners go slow and take their time, allowing the anus to stretch, it is unlikely that tearing or bleeding will occur. However, this is usually not the case with hardcore anal sex. Sometimes partners won’t use enough lube, or may use objects that are too large. Objects that aren’t designed for anal insertion are also often used during hardcore anal sex, which can increase the risk for tears and cuts.

Depends, Anyone?

There are horror stories abound of incontinence after getting busy with the backdoor, but this typically is very rare – that is, if you’re going slow, using lube and allowing ample time for the rectum to stretch and accommodate whatever small sized object you’re trying to insert. Any fan of hardcore anal sex knows that the words “slow” and “small sized” aren’t part of the deal.

Hardcore anal sex puts you at more risk for incontinence because the activity typically involves using very large objects (many of which aren’t designed for this type of use) and insertion and penetration is usually hard and fast. This type of activity really puts a strain on the anus, which after time, can become damaged due to all the rough sex back there. After a certain amount of damage, the rectum just isn’t going to work like it used to.

Which means, you’re not going to be able to control your bowels like you used to. Depends, anyone?

Two Words: Emergency Surgery

A variety of objects are often used during hardcore anal sex, including ones that are not designed for anal insertion. Sex toys that have a wide base on the end are really all you should use for anal penetration, because it prevents the object from getting lost inside the anus. The anus isn’t at all like the vagina – there’s no stopping point. You can’t lose something in a vagina, but you can inside the anus.

If an object gets lost inside the rectum, it usually has to be removed surgically. If the object is sharp at all, is made from glass and might break, contains chemicals, or poses harm to the body in any other way, it must be removed immediately. If a dangerous object is lost inside the colon and is not removed immediately, it can cut the inside of the bowel and cause a lot more problems than you originally bargained for.

Extreme Pain

Pain is often associated with anal insertion, but with enough lube and time to allow the anus to stretch, the discomfort is usually minimal and passes quickly. Not so with hardcore anal sex. Masochists may enjoy the pain associated with hardcore anal sex, but the pain can be quite intense. When large objects are used, or objects that aren’t designed for insertion into the rectum, it can be extremely painful.

Many couples who enjoy hardcore anal sex use a desensitizing lube so they don’t feel as much discomfort. This is actually very dangerous, because you need to feel pain during anal penetration – if not, how will you know when to stop? The pain is your indicator that you’re taking things too far. If you can’t feel the pain because you’ve used a desensitizing lube, you may very well damage your rectum. You won’t feel it until the lube wears off, but you will later. And you’ll regret it!

Hemorrhoids And Anal Prolapse

Hemorrhoids and anal prolapse is very uncommon when you’re talking about normal anal penetration. However, the chances of getting hemorrhoids or having the anus prolapse outside the body increases when you start having hardcore anal sex. When the rectum takes a lot of damage, hemorrhoids will form. These can be simply annoying, or they can be downright painful.

In very rare cases, the bowels can actually begin to prolapse outside of the anus, because the rectum has become too loose to hold them in. This is perhaps the number one deterrent to having hardcore anal sex – do you really want your intestines hanging outside your body? All to get your jollies?

Stick to the front door for rough sex – the vagina can handle it.

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Use Enough Lube

The main reason that women don’t enjoy anal sex is that it can hurt and it can hurt bad if it’s not done correctly! One thing that can contribute to pain during anal sex is not having enough lube. Lube is very important during this activity because the anus does not lubricate itself the way a vagina does. Without external lubrication, the anus can become very dry and the delicate tissues can tear and bleed. Don’t be afraid to dump a whole bottle of lube on her butt if you have to – when it comes to this activity, you really can’t use enough lube.

The best lube for anal sex is a water based lube – a silicone lube is thick and can last longer (which is important for prolonged moisture) but it is not as easy to rinse off as water based lube. Search for a good, gentle water based lube that is made in a thicker formula. Never use a desensitizing lube for anal sex! While this may make her more “comfortable” in the beginning, she won’t be aware if the pain becomes too much. This can definitely lead to tears in the anus or bowel that require immediate medical attention. Good water based lube (and plenty of it) is all you need!

Use Small Toys First

Most guys get really excited at the prospect of trying anal sex with their partners and are eager to put their penises in right away. However, unless you’re a really small guy, you may be too big for her if she hasn’t tried anything else. Even with lube, if she’s not accommodated to taking something as large as your penis into her anus, you’re going to have to start smaller and work your way up.

Fingering the anus is a good starting point, since you can use one finger and gradually increase to two or even three fingers once she becomes more comfortable with it. You can also purchase small butt plugs that can be used to get her used to anal stimulation during sex. Even if you’re chomping at the bit to get it on with her backdoor, she’s going to like it a lot better if you don’t bombard her with something huge at first. She’ll also be more receptive to have anal sex more often if it doesn’t hurt!

Give Her Encouragement

Women love to know that they’re giving their men pleasure – and they want to hear about it first hand. While she’s having anal sex with you, don’t be too shy to let her know how much you enjoy it. Let it all out – moan, grunt and gasp so she knows that your pleasure is genuine! You can also give her a few words of encouragement as you’re warming her up with a sex toy or your fingers. Let her know how hot her butt is and how naughty and sexy she is for doing this with you. She’ll love hearing how much you’re enjoying it!

Don’t Act Like Poop Is A Big Deal

A huge reason that women don’t enjoy having anal sex with their partners is that they’re afraid or embarrassed to make a mess. This may keep her from ever having anal sex with you at all – she could be extremely apprehensive about fecal matter coming out during sex and she may think you’ll laugh at her or criticize her for it. Let her know up front that you know it might get dirty – and that it doesn’t bother you in the least. And if it happens – don’t freak out. Have a warm, wet washcloth nearby for clean up and take care of it as soon as you notice. If you can, don’t even mention it to her.

You can also ease her fears about making a mess during anal sex by encouraging her to have a bowel movement first or to do an enema first. Some women even find the enema process pleasurable, and it keeps things clean during sex later.

Make Sure She’s Aroused First

If she’s not aroused, she’s not going to enjoy anal sex, period. Her anus will be tight and puckered, and it won’t relax enough to allow you to put anything in, including your penis. So before you plan on heading to her backyard, play in the front a little first. Give her oral sex and get her really, really turned on. Lick her clitoris and get her to where she’s begging you to finish her off. Then, proceed to warm her up anally and don’t neglect her clitoris when you get started. With a combination of clitoral, anal and even vaginal or g-spot stimulation, you may end up giving her the best orgasm of her life!

Take Care Of Her Afterwards

When you’re finished, don’t just roll over and go to sleep, even if you’re tempted to. Instead, make an attempt to have a conversation with her. Help her get cleaned up, or join her in the shower if that’s what she wants to do afterwards. Let her know how much you enjoyed it and how glad you are that she did it. Let her know that you care about her and show her that you don’t think any less of her. Give her a sensual massage or make her a cup of hot tea to help her relax. Show her that she’s important to you and fulfill her emotionally as well. If you make her feel good emotionally after having anal sex, she’ll definitely want to have it again!

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Suck On A Popsicle – And Then Suck On Him

Make oral sex super cool when the weather is hot by alternating sucking on a Popsicle and sucking on your partner’s penis. This is a great way to experiment with cold temperatures without scaring him off – let’s face it, a guy isn’t going to want you to do nothing but rub ice all over his penis. That’s just too dang cold!

When you suck on the Popsicle, it cools your mouth down quite a bit, but not so much that it is going to be painful for him. As you continue to lick and suck on his member, your mouth heats back up and the process is repeated. He’ll love the feeling of alternating hot and cold, and you’ll love the idea of oral sex being a little bit more fun (and tastier) for you.

Give Him A Handjob With A Masturbator

Most guys don’t use male sex toys when they’re masturbating – they simply just use some lube and their hands. A lot of guys don’t even use lube! Show your man the difference that a sex toy can make when you’re flying solo by introducing it to him during a handjob given by you.

Put some lube on the inside of a masturbation sleeve of your choice and slowly slip it over his member after you’ve gotten him nice and warmed up with your hands. At this point, he’s not going to ask you to stop and he’ll get to experiment with the feeling of a masturbation sleeve even if he’s been a little apprehensive about doing it in the past. He’ll be amazed at the difference in the way it feels!

Let Him Videotape Or Take Pictures Of You

Since guys are such visual creatures, they usually need something like pictures or a video to help them get off, unless you’re there in the flesh of course. If you’re confident that you’re in a relationship with a guy you can trust with something like this, surprise him by allowing him to take a few pictures or even a video of you while having sex or while you’re masturbating. It’s almost guaranteed that a video or pictures of you will be more cherished than any porn he’s ever downloaded.

Give Anal Sex A Try

Your man might not have ever asked you for anal sex (because he’s afraid it will hurt you or he doesn’t want to offend you) but it’s almost a sure thing that he’s thought of doing it with you before. Treat him to something special by letting him know one night that he can try it up your rear if he’d like, but make sure you practice on your own at first.

Buy a small butt plug or just use your fingers (along with plenty of lube) and try inserting them into your anus the next time you’re masturbating. It will be uncomfortable at first, but much easier than if you just let your man try it without ever having prepped yourself.

Next, move up in size until you’re comfortable with inserting something into your anus that is about as thick as your man is. When you actually do let him do it, he’ll be so surprised at the fact that you can take his penis – because he’ll be expecting you to freak out.

Leave Him A Sexy Voicemail While He’s At Work

The sound of your voice – especially during dirty talk – can do wonders for him. Take advantage of this fact and leave him a dirty voicemail on his cell phone while he’s at work. Plan to tell him what you want to do to him when he gets home, or what you want him to do to you. Of course, you can also do a combination of both!

If you’re shy, write it down first so you know what you’re saying and you don’t choke on your words – which is easy to do once you know you’re being recorded. After listening to the message, your man won’t be able to wait to get home and have sex with you. He may have to arrange to leave work early!

Use The Cowgirl Sex Position (With A Twist)

The “Cowgirl” sex position is pretty much just the woman on top position, but with a twist. In the real Cowgirl position, you’re going to sit up instead of laying your torso down onto his. Then, you’re going to take it a step further and lean back, placing your hands behind you on the bed (or whatever surface you’ve chosen for your tryst). This will give him the most incredible view of you and him having sex that he’s ever had. In fact, you may want to wait to let him do the videotaping until you try this!

Practice Your Kegels

You’ve probably heard of Kegel exercises – where you squeeze your vaginal muscles like you’re stopping the flow of urine. These muscles can actually become very strong if you exercise them regularly. Squeezing them during sex can give your man divine waves of pleasure, but not if your muscles aren’t strong enough to actually give him a good squeeze.

Practice your Kegels while he’s not around, or get a pair of Ben Wa balls that will help you exercise your vagina while you go on about your busy day. When you feel that you’re vaginal muscles are comparable to the female Hulk’s, try them out next time you and your partner have sex. Give him a squeeze as he’s pulling out and watch as he gasps and begs for more.

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What Is Double Penetration?

Usually during sex or masturbation, a man’s penis or a sex toy penetrates the vagina only. During anal sex, a penis or sex toy will penetrate the anus only. With this sex activity, a penis or toy will penetrate the vagina and the anus at the same time. This can be very pleasurable for a woman who enjoys feeling very “full” during sex, and it can increase the amount and intensity of a woman’s orgasms significantly.

For women who have trouble having a g-spot orgasm, double penetration can be the key. The object inserted into the anus actually rubs up against back side of the g-spot, stimulating it from the other side. It also helps push the g-spot forward into the object that is inserted into the vagina, so that it receives more stimulation from the front side as well. Combine stimulation of the clitoris with insertion of an object into the vagina and rectum for a really wild orgasm!

How To Get Started

As with anal sex, it’s important to start small and work your way up. Giant sex toys aren’t the best choice for the first time you try it. Remember that the anus doesn’t stretch like the vagina does and objects that you think are pretty small are actually going to feel very big once you insert them into your rectum. Consider trying a tiny butt plug to begin with, and then work your way up to larger and larger objects as you become more accustomed to bigger sizes.

It’s also important to use a very generous amount of lube during double penetration. The anus does not self lubricate like a vagina does and even small objects will cause pain and may tear the delicate anal tissues if there’s not enough lubricant down there. Lube is inexpensive and available almost anywhere, so there’s really no reason not to use it! Anal sex of any kind is much more pleasurable when everything is going smoothly.

Tools Of The Trade

Unless you’re with two guys, you’re going to have to use a sex toy of some kind in addition to your partner if you want to achieve double penetration. During masturbation, you’re going to need even more equipment. Here’s a breakdown of the different tools of the trade.

During Sex With A Partner

If he’s going to be entering your vagina, you’ll want to have a small butt plug on hand to insert into your rectum. If you’re more advanced with this sex technique, you can try using a larger sex toy for anal sex.

If he’s going to be entering your anus, you’ll want to have a larger sex toy on hand that will provide stimulation of the vagina. This can be as simple as a torpedo vibrator or as complicated as a Rabbit vibrator that stimulates the g-spot and the clitoris at the same time.

During Masturbation

Double penetration is a little different with masturbation since you’ll be doing all the work yourself. The most important thing during masturbation is to find a comfortable position to lie in that allows you full access to both your vagina and anus without restricting the movement of your hands or arms. You may want to have a few pillows on hand to help you do this.

As far as sex toys go, you really can use whatever you want here! Again, if you’re a beginner, choose a smaller sex toy for your anus. If you use a butt plug, both of your hands will be free to operate the sex toy you’re using on your vagina. Some sex toys have components for the anus, the vagina and the clitoris to provide stimulation of all three areas at once.

During A Threesome

This can also be achieved during a threesome if you’re having sex with two men. A lot of women really enjoy the thrill of being penetrated by a man in both the vagina and the anus and this is actually a sexual fantasy that a lot of women have but don’t often get to really act out.

Staying Safe

Because double penetration involves anal sex, there are some things you need to do to make sure everything stays clean and safe.

Use condoms on your sex toys. Do not insert a sex toy into the anus and then into the vagina without first taking the condom used in the anus off and putting a new one on. This prevents serious bacterial infections.

Do not use sex toys in the anus that aren’t designed for anal sex. If it doesn’t have a wide base or a ring on the end of it that prevents the toy from slipping inside the rectum in its entirety, it’s not something you want to use for anal stimulation. If it’s not designed for anal sex, it can slip up inside and get lost, requiring expensive urgent medical care.

If you’re having sex with two men, use condoms. STD’s can be transmitted easily this way, especially if the men swap between the anus and the vagina. As with sex toys, do not allow anal to vagina activity without a fresh condom being put on in between.

Go slow and use lube. The anal tissues can tear and bleed if you’re not using lube, go too fast or are using something that is too large.

If it hurts, stop. Never use desensitizing lube during anal sex because you definitely want to feel it if it hurts, because if it does, you need to stop! Never continue with penetration if there’s pain of any kind.

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If You Play In The Mud, You Might Get Dirty

The hard truth about anal sex is that you can get dirty doing it – quite literally. The anus is designed to excrete fecal matter, and during anal sex (either with a penis or with a sex toy), fecal matter can get on you and your partner during thrusting. Unfortunately, there are very few ways around this and if you have watched a lot of porn that features anal play, you may have gotten the illusion that anal sex is clean when it really isn’t.

Why Don’t Porn Flicks Ever Show Feces?

Unless it’s a really, let’s say interesting fetish film, a porn isn’t going to show fecal matter on camera during any kind of anal play, whether it be penetration, fingering or analingus. Why is this? How do porn directors and actors show perfectly clean anal sex when we all know very well that it can get very, very dirty? Most porn stars do a little preparation before a shoot to make sure their intestinal tract is completely cleaned out. They often use an enema or a colonic to clean themselves out, so everything stays clean during filming.

What Is An Enema?

An enema is a procedure that involves squirting liquid up the rectum and into the bowels to stimulate them to excrete waste rapidly. Most of the time, only plain water is used during this procedure but other concoctions can be used as well, such as saline. This procedure is often used to clear the lower part of the intestinal tract for medical procedures or in cases of constipation, but it is also a popular way to get ready for anal sex since an enema can usually be performed at home.

What Is A Colonic?

A colonic is similar to an enema because it does involve pumping liquid into the rectum, but during this procedure, the liquid and the fecal matter are physically removed from the bowels using a tube. This is a much deeper, more thorough cleaning of the colon and intestinal tract, but it must be performed in a physician’s office by a licensed practitioner – this is not something you can do at home! It is also not recommended that you have this done right before having sex. An enema cleans only the lower part of the colon, but a colonic actually goes in quite a bit further to get rid of more waste.

Should You Use Either Procedure Before Anal Sex?

Deciding whether or not to use an enema or a colonic to get ready for anal sex is entirely up to you. It’s all about the personal preferences of you and your sexual partner(s). If they don’t mind a little fecal matter here and there and you don’t either, don’t worry about it.

You don’t have to put yourself through uncomfortable and possibly very expensive procedures to get ready for anal play if you and your partner really don’t care one way or the other! Remember that if you do choose to have an enema or a colonic done, you need to follow all directions to make sure you don’t do more harm than good.

Alternatives To These Procedures

If you want anal sex to be clean but the idea of having an enema or a colonic really freaks you out, you’re not at the end of the road. There are other ways you can clean yourself out too!

• Go to the bathroom before sex. If you haven’t eaten a heavy meal, this may be all you need to get sparkling clean for your partner.
• Wear a condom. This way, your partner doesn’t get fecal matter on his penis but you can both enjoy having anal sex. The condom slips right off and can be thrown in the trash without another glance.
• Use an at home laxative. There are lots of over the counter laxatives that are available and can be used easily at home if you follow all the directions.
• Use lube. With anal sex, lube is a must. The delicate tissues of the anus can tear and bleed if lube isn’t used. Don’t risk it! Lube is cheap and easy to get. There’s no reason not to!

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What She Said

Oh, honey! This is a question for the ages and I’m so glad you asked it. There are two schools of thought: (1) It’s great and everyone should try it. (2) No one wants to marry the “up the butt girl.” Yes, I’m pulling quotes from the Sex and the City series – those ladies had some good advice!

Is Anal Sex Actually Fun?

Let’s start with the “It’s great” theory first. Anal sex – with the right partner and the right lube – can be a lovely experience. If you choose to do this, have a frank talk with your boyfriend beforehand. He already knows you’re a bit nervous; if you agree to this, you get to call the shots. He needs to be gentle – he also needs to be willing to use lubricant and a condom. Your vagina and anus are separated for a reason – he can’t pull out and enter you vaginally in the middle of anal sex.

Be sure to let him know that health and safety come first, even before the two you. Now on to the fun stuff! If you’re feeling good about your talk, go for it. There’s no harm (with proper precautions) in trying something once. You might find that you love it – in which case you can consider adding it to your repertoire. If you didn’t enjoy it, you don’t have to do it again. At least you’ll be basing your “no go” from a position of experience.

And here’s the “flip side,” so to speak. No one wants to marry the “up the butt girl.” Of course this is an antiquated notion – anyone who would judge you for experiences you’ve chosen to have can shove off, in my book.

Would You Really Rather Not?

What I mean to point out via this example is: What’s the state of your relationship? Is he pushing you into trying something you don’t want to do? Is the decision to try anal based on a last ditch effort to save your coupling or is it based on a mutual agreement to spice things up? If you guys are on the rocks, he might be pushing for anal so he can try it before he dumps you.

Sound harsh? Imagine how you’ll feel if you give in to something you’re not comfortable with only to find yourself single weeks later. Why give it up for someone who doesn’t care? If the relationship is sound but this isn’t your preferred way of adding something new to your sex life, talk with your BF then buy a copy of the Kama Sutra. There are plenty of other sex positions out there that don’t involve the ass.

What He Said

Snoop Dogg once said “You can’t make a ho a housewife.” If you can’t, I’ll never get married. Seriously, the “no one marries the up the butt girl is” stupid and untrue. Your marital charms are not based on any particular sex act. If he likes you, he likes you, pure and simple.

IF you’re concerned about anal sex and don’t want to do it, just tell him he can screw you up the ass right after you get to screw him in the ass with a sex toy. (See the ‘Bending Over Boyfriend” series for details if he actually agrees to it)

There’s No Reason To Be Scared

If you’re into it and are scared for whatever reason, don’t be. You are not the first person on the planet to want their boyfriend to do them in the butt (assuming you’re into that). It doesn’t mean you’re a slut or a whore, or that you’re going to hell. Just that you like it up the ass. It’s that simple. Raise your concerns whatever they may be with your man and go from there. You’ll be glad you did.

That is, unless this is some last ditch effort to save your relationship. If it is, than it won’t work. You can’t take it up the ass to save your relationship any more than you can have a baby to save it. This can enhance it, but if it needs saving, that’s a whole other issue.

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Anal Bleaching

Yes, you heard that right. Many adult film actresses have been known to have their anuses bleached, particularly right before a big anal sex or analingus scene. This is so the puckered skin around the anus appears lighter and less “brown,” making the anus look cleaner and more appealing on camera. Women can have this done at salons who offer this service, or a special cream can be purchased and applied in the privacy of the home. Anal bleaching is relatively safe, however, creams and bleaches should not be used if the anal area is inflamed or irritated in any way.

Brazilian Waxing

Women that you see in porn flicks are almost always perfectly smooth and hairless down there. If you’ve ever shaved your pubic region before, you know that you rarely – if ever – get a shave that close. The truth is, most porn stars get their privates waxed. This is called a Brazilian wax and usually involves taking off all the hair in the groin area, in between and around the labia and around the anus. This gives a silky smooth appearance, but can be quite painful.

Nipple Tinting

While photo and video editing software can be used to give the nipples that “rosy pink flush” that looks so great on film after the fact, many actresses in porn still use lip and cheek tints to give their nipples a more pink appearance in the flesh. This makes it look as though the woman is much more aroused than she really is. For this same reason, ice is often used on the nipples in between takes to make them pucker up and stand erect.

Labia Tinting

Lip and cheek tints can also be used on the labia area to make them look more pink and flushed, as though the woman is incredibly turned on and her genitals are swollen with arousal. Special tints for the vaginal area also exist, but are generally more expensive. If you’ve ever wondered why a porn star’s labia are so pink and fresh looking, it’s most likely because they’ve applied some kind of labia tint before the camera started rolling.

Enemas And Laxatives

Those anal sex scenes can be tough, because unless it’s a fetish video, fecal matter is a “no-no” on set. Most porn actresses will give themselves an enema beforehand, rinsing their colons completely clear of any matter whatsoever. Others will use laxatives to clean themselves out so they don’t have any accidents on screen. This gives couples engaging in anal sex on their own think that it’s going to be a perfectly clean activity – when in reality, if the woman hasn’t prepared herself beforehand, it can actually get pretty messy.

Extreme Dieting

Many girls in the adult film industry will end up dieting to the extreme just to make their bodies appear thinner on screen, but extreme dieting is also used when an anal sex scene is to be filmed, in conjunction with enemas or laxatives. Women in porn have been known to starve themselves up to twenty four hours to prepare for a scene, just to make sure that the anal play ends up squeaky clean. On the other hand, women in “golden shower” fetish videos will take in an excess of liquids to make sure she has enough urine for the many different takes that will be filmed.

Labiaplasty And Breast Augmentation

It’s pretty obvious that a large number of women in the adult film industry have gotten a boob job. You can tell by the way their breasts barely move as they’re getting pounded on screen, and the way the skin of their breasts look stretched tight over their too large implants. However, you might not be able to tell that many women in the industry have also gotten labiaplasties.

These surgeries involve shortening the labia so they look smaller and more dainty, giving the vagina an overall tinier and tighter appearance. This gives the illusion and creates the misconception that vaginas should look perfect to be considered attractive, when in reality, vaginas are all shapes, sizes and colors!

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Deep Throating Without Telling Her First

In a porn movie blowjob, the object is not to give the man the best orgasm, but rather to put the woman in a submissive position and the man in a dominant one during sex. Often, the man will deep throat the woman during a blowjob, but will shove his penis as far down her throat as he can. He will usually do this without telling the woman first, surprising her by gagging her and making her eyes water. While many guys enjoy watching this in a porn because of the strong S&M factor, it’s probably not something you want to try at home with your girlfriend or wife. Not only will you piss her off, you may also get a lap full of vomit.

Anal Sex Without Lube

Porn does a great job of making anal sex look super easy. He just slips his penis in her anus and thrusts away, without worrying about a thing. And the best part is that the woman looks like she’s enjoying it, right? The reason that this works in porn but not in real life is that porn actresses are more accustomed to anal sex and large objects in the anus than your average girl off the street. If you want to try anal sex with your partner, start small (like with a finger or a small butt plug) and use lots and lots of good, water based lube. Anal sex without lube can hurt your partner, tear the anal tissues and may even cause an injury serious enough to win you both a visit to the emergency room.

Giving Her A “Facial”

Anyone who has watched porn knows about the “money shot.” When a man is ready to have an orgasm, he pulls his penis out and allows the camera to see him ejaculate on his partner – usually the vagina, thighs or butt. When a woman is giving a man a blowjob in a porn, he may pull his penis out and ejaculate on her face (thus, giving it the name a “facial.”) Some girls do enjoy being ejaculated on (and may even enjoy it in the face) but the far majority of real ladies will consider this demeaning and upsetting. If you want to give your girl a facial, talk to her about it beforehand and see if she’s down with it. If not, find somewhere else to finish the job.

Slapping Her With Your Penis

Guys in porn videos also have a bad habit of “slapping” their partners with their penises when having sex. This may be to help keep his penis hard, but it works the same way as deep throating – it’s another way to make a man appear dominant the woman submissive. Your lover may not mind having her butt slapped with your penis during anal sex or vaginal intercourse, but may get offended if you slap her in the face with it during a blowjob. If you want to smack your girl a little with your penis during sex, talk to her first and let her know that you’d love to try it. She may surprise you with her answer!

Blowjob After Anal Sex

Many anal sex porn flicks will feature the woman giving a man a blowjob right after he’s had anal sex with her. While this may appear sexy to some, it’s actually a very dangerous activity. While you generally don’t see any feces on his penis before she puts her mouth on it (this is because porn actresses will usually go through a regimen of fasting and enemas before filming), it’s covered in bacteria that could make her sick. If you would rather keep your girl out of the hospital with a nasty bout of e-coli, wash your penis thoroughly with soap and hot water after anal sex before doing anything else, including vaginal intercourse. You can also wear a condom during anal sex and take it off before vaginal intercourse or oral sex if you’re with a monogamous partner without STD’s.

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Anal stimulation can also be a great way for men to discover their prostate gland and have more powerful, earth shattering orgasms. Even though anal play has lots of great benefits, if proper safety precautions aren’t taken before engaging in the activity, it can have lots of drawbacks as well – almost all of which can be prevented with a little planning. The anus does not self lubricate, so a generous amount of a good sexual lubricant must be used at all times. Also, when experimenting with anal toys, it’s important to make sure they are designed specifically with safety in mind.

Toys without a wide, flared base or ring on the end can get lost inside (this usually will require an embarrassing trip to the emergency room). This past year, we’ve found the information you need to not only make anal stimulation super pleasurable and fun, but also to keep it clean and safe. Check out our top “rear entry” techniques of 2010 so you can have fun well into the new year!

• Why Anal Sex Can Hurt
• Anal Sex: Which Lubricant Is Best For Sensitive Skin? (Video)
• The Male G-Spot: How To Find And Stimulate The Prostate Gland (Video)
• Anal Sex Play For Beginners – Tips & Techniques (Video)
• Q&A: Anal Sex – How To Keep It Clean And Safe (Video)
• Q&A: More Anal Sex – How To Clean Up Afterward (Video)
• Q&A: What Health Precautions Should Be Taken For Analingus (Video)

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Orgasm Inside Your Mouth

Every porn video he has ever seen contains a variation or two of this oral sex activity. Since he has spend a lot of time fantasizing about “cum in mouth” and “cum on face” scenes, he might want to try these when you’re having sex. But some women are offended at the thought of swallowing a man’s sperm. She may also feel affronted at the thought of a man’s semen spraying all over her face. But if your man cannot do these things with you, who else would he do it with?

Save him the trouble of him asking by telling him to orgasm in your mouth. If he asks why you feel like doing it this time, just say you want to taste him in the most intimate way possible.

Analingus

Being the recipient of oral sex should tell you how sensitive the skin around your anus is. It’s called the perineum, where the skin is thinner than anywhere else around your pubic area. For women, it’s the patch of skin that stretches the most during sex. If you felt all sorts of pleasurable sensations when your man caresses that area, you should know that it’s the same for guys. But some women feel grossed out at the thought of licking their partners there, so men usually don’t ask.

While you’re blowing him, slide down to that place and don’t slow down. He might feel surprised, even shocked, at your daring but the pleasure will overpower him after a few minutes of analingus. Slide your tongue over his anal sphincter to intensify the sensation.

Anal Sex

Anal sex on you is something that you and your man might have tried. But have you ever thought about doing it to him? Like rimming, he might be craving for you to shove your tongue or your finger up his ass but never knew how to ask.

Once you’ve graduated from rimming, you can proceed with exploring his anal region with your fingers and your tongue. However, be prepared for some sort of resistance, as straight men who have never tried this before may feel like they’re getting violated.

If your man shows signs of detesting the act because it feels “gay,” remind him that a woman is doing it to him so he shouldn’t feel that way. It’s probably better to discuss the possibility of anal sex on him before you proceed. A man needs to prepare himself mentally and physically for the act.

There are women who can do the things I mentioned effortlessly, but there are women who don’t want to do these things because these activities are “dirty,” literally. If you’re one of these women, you can easily solve this problem by doing it in the bath or under the shower.

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Hey Jenn and Dan! I’ve got a question concerning lubricants. My girlfriend and I of 2 years have tried using many different kinds of lubricants for anal sex such as KY Jelly and Astroglide. Every time we use these lubricants, they sting her inside the anus – but not her vagina. The only lubricant we’ve found that works is spit but I feel that it is not enough because I’m concerned it won’t be enough lube. Do you know of any lubricants that will not sting for anal sex?

–YouTube Viewer

What Makes An Adequate Lube?

There are many things that can be used as lubricant for sex and anal sex, but that doesn’t mean they are all adequate for the job. Spit, for one, is definitely not a good one at all. It is acidic in nature and contains throngs of bacteria that you definitely don’t want to introduce into your genital area. Baby oil and cooking oil (as well as any oil-based lube) will break down latex and can increase the risk of transmitting and contracting STD’s or becoming pregnant if you’re using a condom during vaginal intercourse. Good sexual lubricants are generally either water based or silicone based, with the former being a little more gentle on the body but not quite as thick and long lasting. A water based lube is easier to wash off (it can simply be rinsed away with water) while one that is silicone based requires soap and perhaps a little elbow grease to get completely clean.

Searching For Allergens

If you or your partner find that using a variety of sexual lubricants still irritate, itch or burn during sex or anal sex, try doing a little investigation on the ingredients found in the lubes. For example, there may be a common ingredient in all the lubes that you’ve tried that could be causing the irritation and sensitivity. You could start by searching for one without that particular ingredient to see if the ingredient is, in fact, the allergen that is causing the problem.

When searching for the right sexual lubricants for penetration, it can be expensive if you purchase an entire bottle of each lube that you and your partner want to try. Instead, look online or in sex toy stores for a “variety pack” or “sampler pack” of lubes. Each kind will be in a small “pillow” and is usually just enough for one use – so you can decide which one works the best. Remember that the lubricant that you use for vaginal sex may not be the same one that you want to use for anal sex or even fingering – and that’s ok! Do your best to keep track of which lube worked best for what activity.

Gentle Lubes That May Work Best For Sensitive Skin

If you’re looking for specific sexual lubricants that are made just for people with sensitive skin, try very mild lubes such as Doc Johnson’s Prescription Lubricant, Pure, or Pink Hypoallergenic Lubricant For Women. Gentle ones will be paraben free, fragrance free, glycerine free, and preservative free. These types of lubes may not cause as much irritation, burning or itching of the vagina or anus during sex, but they may be thinner than traditional sexual lubricants. Simply use more of the product during sex if this is the case.

When To Visit The Doctor

If you or your partner experiences itching, burning or irritation during vaginal intercourse or anal sex regardless of what sexual lubricants you’re using, it may be time to make a visit to the doctor. Burning in the vaginal area can be a symptom of an infection (STD’s, bacterial or yeast infections) and excessive burning or pain during anal sex regardless of what lube is used can be a symptom of small tears in the anus caused by anal sex or something common like hemorrhoids. If you experience a lot of discomfort during sex and anal sex – even if you’ve switched to a more natural, water based lube – you’ll definitely want to visit your doctor to rule out anything more serious that could be going on.

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Wear A Garter Belt

It’s true – a garter belt is the stuff that most men’s fantasies are made of. Garter belts simply say, “I’m naughty! Let’s do naughty things together.” Slip a garter belt on under your favorite outfit when you’re going to dinner and afterwards, slip it off and let your man marvel at what’s underneath. Just make sure you don’t take it off when you do the deed – and leave your heels on too for good measure. Almost naked sex can sometimes be even better than fully naked sex if you do it right.

Have Confidence

Confidence is super sexy. No matter what you’re doing in the bedroom, whether you’re giving him a handjob, a blowjob or just having sex, act confident about what you’re doing and your skills in the bedroom. Don’t be so quick to turn out the lights or bury your face in his shoulder during your orgasm. Instead, let the confident, sexy woman in you out to play.

Look Him In The Eyes

Looking your man in the eyes is a great way to show him confidence and make him see you as a super sex vixen. Instead of closing your eyes when giving him a blowjob or having sex, look him in the eyes and let him know how much you’re enjoying it.

Lick Up And Down His Body

Instead of just keeping your tongue on his lips – or in his pants – lick up and down his body as though you just can’t get enough. Start with his toes and work your way up, going as slow or as fast as feels good. He’ll love the feel of your tongue in places he hasn’t felt before, such as on his legs and his chest.

Play Innocent

Introduce a little role play in the bedroom by suggesting to your partner that you’re “innocent” and need him to teach you how to do naughty things. Bat your eyelashes and look up at him coyly, all while doing very naugty and sexy things to him down there. He’ll really enjoy showing you all the things you’ve “never done before.”

Masturbate In Front Of Him

Most women cringe at the idea of getting caught masturbating by their guy, let alone masturbate in front of him. But guys love masturbation (heck, they do it all the time) and watching you do it is the ultimate turn on. Show him how you like to be touched by touching yourself, and don’t hold back when it comes to having an orgasm. Bonus points if you are able to ejaculate! You just might open your eyes after the big “O” and notice that he’s been touching himself too!

Try Anal Sex

If you’ve never tried anal sex before (and aren’t against it for some reason) try introducing a little anal play in the bedroom. You can start small with small anal sex toys such as tiny butt plugs or super skinny vibrators, or you can use your fingers. Just don’t forget to use a very generous amount of lube before you try anything having to do with the anus. It’s definitely not self lubricating like the vagina is. The appeal of anal sex is that it’s so “taboo” and it’s something that you’re “not supposed to be doing.”

The Reverse Cowgirl Sex Position

Men are visual creatures and having something to look at while they’re having sex can make sex absolutely explosive for him. Turning the lights on while having sex is a daring but very rewarding move, but if you really want to be sinful in the bedroom, try the reverse cowgirl sex position. This sex position involves the woman being on top, but reversing herself so that she is facing his feet. Many women are apprehensive about letting their guy see all their lady bits up close and personal, but this is where a good dose of confidence comes in. He’s going to absolutely love watching you slide up and down his penis, no matter what!

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The Male G-Spot Is His Prostate Gland

The male g-spot is called the “prostate gland” and is located about 2 inches inside the anal cavity on the top. That means when you’re facing him, you can insert your finger, feel along the top wall of his anal cavity and you should feel a small, chestnut sized “bump” of flesh. This is the prostate gland. It is often best stimulated with a “come hither” motion if you’re using your finger, meaning that once you locate the prostate gland, move your finger in a motion as though you were telling someone to “come here.” You can also use side to side movements or simply place your finger on the prostate gland and apply firm pressure. Different guys like different things here, so make sure to experiment to find out what he likes best.

Is He Interested In Prostate Play?

Before you get super excited about giving him an amazing orgasm and slip your finger in his anus to stimulate his prostate gland, you need to make sure he’s into it first. This is not something you want to surprise him with, because a lot of guys are a little squeamish about their anuses. Some guys are a little homophobic and feel that any anal play (on him, not on you of course) is considered “gay” and if this is the case, he may want you to stay as far away from his backdoor as possible. You can also slowly introduce him to the idea of prostate stimulation without inserting anything into his anus by playing with his perineum during a blowjob. The perineum is the skin in between his testicles and his anus, and it can be stimulated with firm, kneading pressure. This indirectly massages the prostate gland and will give him an idea of how pleasurable prostate stimulation can be, but it is nothing at all like direct prostate stimulation. If he seems to like it, inch your hand closer to his anus and see what he does. If he doesn’t seem uncomfortable, play with his anus a little as you’re applying lube to the opening. If at any point he stops you, prostate stimulation may not be for him.

Stimulating The Prostate Gland With Sex Toys

Many sex toys are made specifically for prostate stimulation and can often be easier to use than your finger once you’ve located the prostate gland. Don’t try to use a sex toy the first time, because it will be more difficult to feel the prostate gland and know you’re in the right spot. Prostate massagers are often thin with a bulbous tip that is angled to properly reach the prostate gland. Other prostate sex toys include butt plugs – which range from large to very, very tiny – and glass sex toys or vibrators. Make sure that any anal sex toy you use is made with a wide base or a ring at the end that will prevent the toy from slipping inside the anus and getting lost.

Using The Right Lubricant

Anal play is not to be had without a good sexual lubricant – and a lot of it! The anal cavity does not lubricate itself and as a result, anal sex without lube can be painful and may even cause some of the delicate tissues down there to tear and bleed. Not cool! You can make anal play and prostate massage more comfortable and pleasurable by applying a very generous amount of lube to the outside of the anus, your fingers and whatever sex toy you choose to use. Feel free to apply more lube as needed. If you are using a condom or latex glove of any kind, make sure to use only water based lube, because silicone lube will break down latex and cause condoms and gloves to become ineffective.

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Don’t Skimp On The Lube

The anus does not naturally lubricate itself at all, therefore, it is an absolute must to use a good water based or silicone based lubricant during anal sex. While you don’t want to use silicone based lube in the vagina because it’s difficult to clean out, silicone lube will get flushed out with everything else when you go to the bathroom so feel free to use it for anal sex. Don’t ever attempt to have anal sex without lube, because you could easily tear something on the outside or even the inside, which would require a not so fun trip to the hospital. Also, do not use numbing or desensitizing lubricant, because if it hurts, you need to feel it and you need to stop! Just use lots and lots of regular water or silicone based lube for any kind of anal play.

Learn To Relax!

If you’re not able to relax when you have anal sex, you’re going to find it very uncomfortable or painful. Practice relaxing your anus around a small anal sex toy or a finger and work your way up to the bigger stuff. You certainly can’t expect yourself to accomodate a large sex toy or penis if you’ve never tried anal sex before, but if you learn to relax during anal play, you’ll gradually get to where you can take more and enjoy more.

Keep Things Clean

Since going through the backdoor will potentially (probably) get you at least a little dirty, it’s very important to keep things clean. Clean any and all sex toys used for anal play with hot, soapy water or special sex toy cleaner and wear a condom when inserting the penis into the anus. Wearing a condom during anal sex will allow you to slip it off and go straight to vaginal sex without worrying about bacteria spreading. If you don’t want to wear a condom during anal sex, you will need to wash your penis thoroughly with warm, soapy water. Neglecting to keep things clean during sex will increase the risk of spreading bacteria and giving your partner an infection.

Warm Up And Get Turned On First

Just like with sex, if you want to have good anal sex, it’s important to have a little foreplay first and get turned on before you start. Giving yourself a warm up period will help you relax and help get you turned on so that you’re more ready for anal play. If you’re not turned on before you receive anal sex, you’re anus is going to be clamped tight and you’ll find that anal play is going to be more uncomfortable and painful than if you allow yourself a good warm up period first. Try having your partner give you oral sex first and even a rim job if you both like it.

Go Slowly And Be Gentle

Anal sex is not the time to be rough or practice BDSM. Since the anus is basically made for things to come out of, you have to be very careful when putting things in there. Go slowly and be very careful not to be too rough, even if you’re extremely turned on by having anal sex. Communicate with your partner about whether it feels good or it hurts too much, and if it hurts make sure you stop right away. Have a safe word that your partner can use to let you know that she wants it to stop immediately, such as “banana” or another non-sex word. Remember that your first time having anal sex doesn’t have to last very long or be perfect. There’s always another time! The important thing is to make sure your partner is comfortable and having a good time too.

Safe Anal Sex Toys

If you’re going to use anal sex toys, it’s important that you purchase toys that are specifically made for anal sex. Many sex toys that are for vaginal use or even homemade sex toys can get lost in your anus because there is no “end” like with a vagina. Getting a sex toy lost in your anus is not only extremely painful and dangerous, it is also very embarassing because it will require a doctor and most likely surgery to remove it. Instead, choose anal sex toys that have a wide, flared base or ring on the bottom that keeps the toy from sliding too far into the anus.

Best Sex Positions For Anal Sex

While almost any sex position can be used for anal sex, there are some sex positions that are better for anal sex because they allow for easier access. The missionary position with the girl on bottom and her legs lifted high allows for great access to the anus, as does the doggy style position. You can also try the reverse cowgirl position where the woman is on top but facing her partner’s feet, or you can try spooning with your partner behind you. The sex postion doesn’t matter as much as long as you and your partner are both comfortable and having fun!

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Do heterosexual couples engage in anal sex? Yes, absolutely. It may surprise some people but there are many straight couples that love anal sex. First of all, anal sex is a popular taboo and the thrill of doing something that’s not supposed to be done adds to the excitement of trying it out. Couples who have tried it often feel a lot closer afterwards.

Trust level is an important factor to consider if you are thinking of trying anal sex. I will not lie to you; the first time you do it, it will hurt. Even after you have been doing it for a while, there is still a certain amount of physical discomfort.

Here are some reasons why anal sex can hurt, and why you need to stock up on lube if you want to try it.

Anal Sex Can Hurt If You Aren’t Expecting It

There is such a thing as a “surprise anal” sex move, but this is so emotionally damaging that I do not recommend it. A man should always ask you nicely if he wants to put it in your ass. At the very least, he should give you the chance to prepare yourself. If a guy dares pull off this stunt, the shock combined with the sense of betrayal that you feel can contribute to the overwhelming physical pain.

Anal Sex Can Hurt If You Are Being Forced To Try It

Even if your boyfriend or husband asks for permission, if you really don’t want to try it, it will hurt. You have to be completely relaxed to enjoy anal sex. Moreover, you have to trust your partner enough to believe that he will stop when you ask him to. The muscle outside the rectum tightens when stimulated, and it will tighten even more when you’re tense or scared. Forcing entry when this muscle is too tight to allow entry can contribute to the hurt.

Anal Sex Can Hurt If You Are Not Lubricated Enough

Relaxing will help ease the initial pain of anal sex, but no amount of relaxation will ease the discomfort if the sphincter muscle isn’t lubricated enough. Spread some lube on your partner’s member or your anal sex toy and a huge dollop on your anal region to make anal sex more pleasurable.

If you’re intent on going for it, ask your partner to gradually loosen the sphincter muscle with gentle stimulation and fondling. He must never touch your sphincter without applying lubricant first. Also, remember to wash well after anal sex.

One major appeal of anal sex for me is the fact that it can be your dirty little secret. It’s extremely exciting to know that you’re both acting like a prim-and-proper, lovey-dovey couple in public, while you’re doing something “taboo” in private.

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Question: My girlfriend doesn’t want to have normal sex yet (she’s only 16 and I’m about the same age, and we both are virgins), but I really love her and I really want to give pleasure to her. Should I give her oral sex or fingering or something like that, so that she wouldn’t lose her virginity, but would be satisfied?

–YouTube Viewer

Her Right To Say No

If your partner doesn’t want to lose their virginity, it is her right to say no. Even if you suggest other things to give her sexual pleasure, such as oral sex or fingering, remember that she doesn’t have to do anything that she is uncomfortable with regardless of whether she’s “technically” losing her virginity or not. If you really want to share a sexual experience with y0ur partner, ask her if there is anything that she would like and would be comfortable with. If she isn’t comfortable with something, don’t pressure her and give her some time to think about it.

Don’t Do Something You’ll Regret

If you and your partner mutually decide to have sex for the first time, or experience some other type of sexual pleasure together, think it through first. Make sure your partner really is comfortable with whatever you and her have decided to do, and isn’t doing something she’ll regret later just because you want her to. Also, make sure you’re not doing anything you’ll regret later too. Whether you’re having sexual intercourse or giving or receiving oral sex from your partner, worrying about pregnancy or STD’s.remember to be safe always. Use a condom during sexual intercourse and if she wants to give you oral sex, as well as using a dental dam when you give oral sex to her. Your first time – enjoying each other sexually in whatever way you choose – shouldn’t be about

Sex Is More Pleasurable When You Wait

If you and your partner decide to wait to have sex and experience each other sexually, you’ve made a great decision. Waiting until you’re more emotionally mature and prepared for sex can make it more pleasurable for both you and your partner. Rushing into sexual intercourse or other sexual activities, and possibly regretting it later, is not going to give you or your partner much sexual satisfaction outside the moment. However, waiting until you and your partner truly are ready to have sex – both physically and emotionally - means that you and your partner can share a deeply sexual and satisfying relationship both in and outside the bedroom. You don’t necessarily have to wait forever though – try making a deal with your partner to revisit the discussion in 3 or 6 months. You or your partner may feel differently about the subject after spending more time with each other and more time in the relationship.

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Question: I know you suggest using condoms for anal sex, and my girlfriend and I take every precaution when we do it. Sometimes we use condoms, but sometimes we don’t. I want to know about ejaculating in her through anal sex.
What are your takes on it? I want to know mainly because while in the heat of the moment things happen. In case it does happen, what are the best ways to go about cleaning up afterward?

–YouTube Viewer

Is Semen In The Anus Safe?

If you ejaculate in your partner’s anus during anal sex, you may wonder if it’s safe. As far as pregnancy goes, you can’t impregnante a woman through anal sex so you’re safe there. But having unprotected anal sex at all – ejaculation or no ejaculation – puts you at risk for contracting or spreading sexually transmitted diseases and infections. Anal sex is a bit more risky when it comes to STD’s than traditional vaginal sex because the risk of exposure to blood and other bodily fluids is much higher. Having anal sex with a condom – even with a monogomous partner – is a great way to keep yourself safe from sexually transmitted diseases and infections as well as keep ejaculate from entering the anal cavity during orgasm.

Ejaculating During Anal Sex

When ejaculate enters the anus during anal sex, it leaves the anus the same way it leaves the vagina during vaginal sex – it comes out the same way it comes in. With vaginal sex, however, semen comes out much more quickly and can be cleaned up more easily than with anal sex. Ejaculate doesn’t always come out of the anal cavity right away, and it may come out at inopportune times. Usually, it comes out when you have a bowel movement but can leak out at other times as well. To clean the anal cavity of ejaculate after anal sex, you can pick up an enema kit at your local drugstore to wash the anus clean of semen. Enemas are also an excellent way to get clean before having anal sex, keeping the anal cavity free of fecal matter during sex. If you or your partner prefer to keep semen out of the anal cavity during sex, remember that using a condom is a great way to do that.

Cleaning Up Afterwards

Since anal sex can help spread bacteria that can make you and your partner sick, cleaning up properly afterwards is very important. Clean any anal sex toys used with warm soap and water, or use a special toy cleaner. Wash your hands and your penis thoroughly and have your partner wash her bottom with soap and water as well. Better yet, enjoy a steamy shower with your partner and make cleaning up after anal sex as erotic and pleasurable as anal sex is for you!

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Men Who Love Prostate Stimulation

Some men who enjoy having their prostate gland stimulated during sex say, “Once you try it, you’ll never go back!” Initially, these men may have been a little nervous to try anal play but once they learned how pleasurable it was, it became one of their favorite things in the bedroom. Prostate massage can greatly enhance sexual pleasure and make orgasms more powerful and intense than through penile stimulation alone. Prostate milking can be done alone or in conjunction with oral sex or vaginal sex. Many women truly enjoy stimulating their partner’s prostate gland during sex and prostate massage can help to enhance a dull sex life.

Men Who Hate Prostate Massage

There are some men who have tried prostate stimulation and don’t like it, and many more men that refuse to try it because of the sensitivity of the anus. Some men find any type of anal stimulation uncomfortable or painful and some men simply don’t like the idea of it. With any type of anal play, you definitely take the chance that things will get dirty. Often, men feel embarrassed at the idea of messy anal stimulation and are too uncomfortable to have an enema beforehand. Some men who don’t like the idea of prostate massage can be introduced to it slowly, but many men who are uncomfortable with it are very unwilling to try any anal play at all. Never push the issue with your man – if he doesn’t want to do it, don’t force him and don’t continue to ask him about it. Some men just don’t like it and never will.

How To Introduce It To Your Man

The best way to introduce anal play and prostate stimulation to your partner is to do so very slowly. Talk to your partner first to find out if he is interested in prostate massage and would be willing to try it. If he’s apprehensive, ask him if there is anything you can do to make him more comfortable with the idea. Start small and work your way up, and don’t forget to use lots of water or silicone based lubricant. The anal sphincter does not lubricate itself, so you really can’t use enough lube. Never use a numbing lubricant, because it is important to stop immediately if your partner finds anything painful. You can start with a finger, or a very slim, small toy designed for prostate stimulation. Even small butt plugs may be pleasurable for your partner without causing too much pain or discomfort initially. Remember that any anal sex toy must have a wide base that will not allow it to go all the way in the anal cavity. Toys without a wide base designed for anal play can get lost inside the anal cavity and can cause much damage.

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Introducing The Idea

Many women enjoy the idea of having sex with their partner with a strap on. It gives them the feeling of power and lets them experience a different side of sex altogether. Some men enjoy being on the receiving end, however, many men do not relish the idea at all. How can you find out if your man would like being pleased anally with a strap on? First, try traditional anal sex and let your partner please you anally. This is a good way to introduce him to the idea of anal play at all. Communicate with him how much it turns you on. Also, try a few roleplaying activities that allow your partner to take the role of the submissive. This is a great way to allow him to explore being submissive without diving right into anal play. If he enjoys anal sex with you and enjoys being submissive sometimes, browse a sex toy store online and let him suggest a few toys he would like to play with.

Getting Him Warmed Up

Don’t start by outright suggesting he try being on the receiving end of a strap on. Instead, give him plenty of time to warm up to anal play by purchasing a few small anal toys, such as anal beads or small butt plugs, and use lots and lots of silicone or water based lubricant. Never use desensitizing lube, because if it is painful or uncomfortable, he should stop. Once your partner really gets into anal play, try taking a look at a smaller sized dildo with a strap on. Let him know it could be a toy for both of you to enjoy!

Do’s And Don’ts Of Strap On Play

• Don’t try any kind of anal play without lots of lube.
• Don’t force your partner into a submissive role or strap on play if that isn’t where he wants to be.
• Listen to him if he tells you something makes him uncomfortable or becomes painful.
• Start small and work your way up. Always use toys and dildos that have a wide base on the end of them to prevent the anal toy from being lodged in the anus. You don’t want to risk it not being able to get back out.
• Start slow and go slow. Anal play is not the time to be rough – stuff can tear back there!
• Have a safety word and use it if one of you becomes uncomfortable.
• Be open to ideas that your partner wants to try too – let him share something with you that really turns him on and make a vow to try it with him.

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Question: I have been having sex with my girlfriend for 3 months now and just recently she keeps bring up the idea of her pleasuring me with a strap on. The idea scares me and I feel as if I were to go through with it I would be less of a man. How do I talk her out of it?

–YouTube Viewer

Open And Honest Communication

When bringing up a fantasy, whether it’s your fantasy or hers, it’s important that both you and your partner be open and honest with each other. Each partner should be able to bring up a fantasy of theirs without the fear of criticism or being laughed at. That doesn’t mean you have to go along with it though. If her fantasy makes you uncomfortable (or vice versa) it’s important that you are honest with your partner and voice your concerns without being condescending or critical. Sex between you and your partner should be enjoyable for both of you, and neither partner should be forced to be uncomfortable just so the other partner can have a pleasurable experience. If your partner wants to try something that makes you uncomfortable, let her know. If she wants to have sex with you using a strap-on, let her know what about that idea causes you discomfort.

How To Say No

Whether you aren’t into the idea of playing in the mud or you’d rather keep your anus a “one way only” street, those are all perfectly sound reasons to bring up to your partner. When you’re talking to your partner about why you don’t want to have her use a strap-on on you, make sure that you use “I” terms instead of “you” terms. This is about you after all, and why the idea of her introducing this type of BDSM makes you uneasy. Be careful not to make her feel as though her fantasies are gross or wrong. She should feel safe enough in the relationship to bring her fantasies up in conversation, whether you actually go through with them or not.

She Should Respect You

If you respect your partner enough to make it safe for her to share her fantasies with you, she should respect you enough to realize that you may not want to participate in all of them. Ultimately, if you’re not comfortable with something, she shouldn’t force you to do it or become angry if you won’t. It’s your body after all. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. If she doesn’t respect you enough to dismiss her fantasy and find a form of sex or BDSM that you both can enjoy in the bedroom, it’s time to move on to someone who does respect you and your body.

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Question: What health considerations should be taken for analingus and “oral sex on feet’?

–Dan & Jennifer Forum Question

Cleanliness Is Key

The most important thing with analingus is cleanliness. You just can’t be clean enough! Definitely don’t do it right after your partner has a bowel movement (yuck!) and make sure your partner washes up good down there. Use antibacterial hand soap and hot water if you like, but regular soap works just as well as long as you get your anus or your partner’s anus good and clean. Many people have hair near their anuses that can trap bacteria and matter, and it can either be shaved or waxed for ultra cleanliness and smoothness down there. Bacteria transferred from the anus to the mouth can be dangerous and can make you very, very sick, so it’s important to take proper precautions before engaging in analingus.

Try Using A Barrier

If you or your partner really want to try analingus but are just really freaked out by the idea of putting your tongue down there, a great solution is to use a dental dam or other type of barrier. A dental dam is simply a square piece of latex or other material that goes in between the anus and your mouth. Plastic food wrap works well in a pinch too. This helps prevent bacteria and even matter from getting near your mouth, while still giving your partner the same sensations that analingus would were you not using a dam or barrier. The trick to make this feel extra good is to put a dab or two f good water based or silicone based lubricant in between the anus and the barrier to allow for more freedom of movement and titillating sensations.

Oral Sex On Feet

Some foot lovers enjoy licking or sucking their partner’s feet or toes, and many people enjoy the sensations of having their toes and feet licked and sucked. This is a dirty job too, however, not as dangerous as analingus can be if you’re not clean. Of course, a good, clean foot is better than one just out of a sweaty sock. Have your partner go for a pedicure to remove all the dead skin and calluses (and cute, painted toenails are always sexy!) and have them wash their feet well with hot, soapy water before putting your mouth on them. Generally, these are all the health precautions you need to take here, but you can use a dental dam or plastic food wrap if you really hate the idea of putting your tongue and mouth on someone’s feet. Just remember – a dab of lube under the dam or wrap does wonders!

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Question: My boyfriend really wants to do anal, and I do too, but honestly I’m afraid that he might get something on his penis. Could you please tell me what I can do for that not to happen, because I really want to do it for him.

–YouTube Viewer

Keeping The Pipes Clean

Well, it has to be said that if you “play in the mud, you might get dirty.” If you have anal sex with your partner, he may end up getting some fecal matter on his penis, regardless of what you do to keep that from happening. You may end up having looser bowel movements or mild incontinence after having anal sex as well, so it may not just get on his penis. There are a few things you can do to minimize the risk of playing dirty, but you can’t eliminate. It’s just what the anus is for.

• Eat a healthy diet with lots of fiber. Fiber is in lots of good vegetables, like broccoli, and can be found in a variety of other healthy foods. You can also use fiber supplements such as Metamucil. Fiber will help give you regular bowel movements, so nothing stays in one place too long.
• Try an enema. You see porn stars having anal sex all the time, and unless it’s a fetish video, things stay pretty clean, right? That’s generally because they have enemas on a regular basis to “clean out the pipes.” An enema will remove most of the fecal matter from your intestines before you have anal sex. This is likely the best way to ensure that little to no matter ends up on your partner’s penis.
• Have your partner wear a condom. Nothing will actually get on his penis, persay….
• Realize that the anus is used for excrement – it’s a fact of life. If your partner would be totally grossed out by having a bit of fecal matter on his penis after anal sex, maybe anal sex just isn’t for him.

Keeping It Comfortable And Safe

Anal sex can be uncomfortable, especially if you don’t use enough good, water or silicone based lube. Don’t be shy on the lube, and remember to go slow. Never use desensitizing lubricant, because if it starts to hurt, you need to stop. Things can get torn back there, and spending the night in the emergency room for stitches in your back door is not fun. Don’t let your partner play rough back there. If you want rough sex, have vaginal sex. The anus is not the place to see how hard you can take it. Keep things clean by washing your hands, washing any anal sex toys you play with and never, ever insert the penis into the vagina after it has been in the anus without removing the condom and washing it thoroughly with soap and water first. If you use toys, stay with small toys that are designed with a wide base. The anus can stretch and sometimes doesn’t go back to the same size it was before if you stretch it too much. Incontinence anyone? When you respect anal sex for what it can be – extremely pleasurable for some people but also dangerous if you’re not careful – you can have fun without most of the mess and without pain and damage in the long run.

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Making Anal Sex Safer

The anus, unlike the vaginal canal, was not designed for sexual stimulation or penetration. That doesn’t mean you can’t do it, but it will take a lot more effort to make anal sex safer for both you and your partner. The most important thing to do when having anal sex is to start slowly! Communicate with your partner about how something feels and if something hurts or feels uncomfortable, you definitely want to say something. Don’t keep doing it if it hurts! You could definitely tear something. You also want to make sure that you’re using lots of good, water based lubricant – not the desensitizing kind – to make sure everything goes smoothly. When you’re finished with your anal play, make sure you clean your toys and everything else that came into contact with your anus thoroughly with hot, soapy water or special sanitizing sex toy cleaner.

Safer Anal Sex Toys

All anal sex toys should have a wide, flared base to prevent the toy from moving its way past your anus and into your intestines which can and will happen if you do not have a base on the end of the toy to keep it from doing so. When using anal sex toys, it’s important to start small and work your way up, as opposed to starting with a very large anal sex toy. The anus can stretch to accomodate a variety of toy or penis sizes, but it is important that you don’t start large right away and give your anus time to stretch and become pliable or your anus or intestines may tear.

What Do Anal-Only Toys Really Do?

A butt plug is a popular anal toy, and it has a wide base and a narrow neck, with a wide angled “plug” at the top. It is designed to go in the anus and stay there during sex, thereby decreasing the size of a woman’s vagina and making sex pleasurable for both partners. Anal beads are another popular choice in anal toys, and the best choice would be ones that are completely plastic or silicone, without any cloth or real string parts. Cloth or string parts cannot be washed or sanitized thoroughly and can pose a danger to you and your partner’s health. Anal beads come in a variety of colors and sizes, and some models will vibrate or rotate. Anal beads are designed to be pulled out slowly or quickly depending on your preference, and can simulate orgasmic muscle spasms or increase orgasmic intensity. Anal dildos or prostate massagers are designed for men to use, and can massage the prostate and greatly increase pleasure for a man during his orgasm. Men who have used prostate massagers and the like swear they have had the best orgasms of their lives that way.

While the anus wasn’t necessarily designed for anal sex, people can and will use the anus during sexual play and have been since the dawn of time. If you’re going to engage in anal sex play, take precautions to make anal sex safer for both you and your partner. Remember, if anything hurts or becomes uncomfortable, it’s time to stop!

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A boyfriend’s penis might be too big for his girlfriend – even when she’s excited, he often ends up hurting her. What can he do to make sex more comfortable for her and more enjoyable for both of them?

A Medical Problem?

Most vaginas can accomodate a wide variety of penis sizes. Most vaginas can stretch to allow penises of just about any size to fit, regardless of how large or small. But some medical conditions can make a vagina unable to stretch and accomodate a large penis, including a medical condition called vaginismus. In some forms of vaginismus, the PC muscles actually clamp down, making penetration virtually or completely impossible. In other, more common, forms of vaginismus, the PC muscles tighten but don’t clamp down completely, allowing penile penetration but with pain, burning and a feeling of excessive tightness. Fortunately, vaginismus is highly treatable with vaginal dilators – a medical tool that is used at home to lightly stretch the PC muscles and allow the vagina to become more pliable. Click here to learn more about vaginismus.

Visit The Doctor

Some people aren’t physically compatible with each other sexually. Sometimes the puzzle pieces just don’t fit, and there are tons of ways to enjoy each other sexually and intimately if sexual intercourse is too painful. However, this is the rarest of cases. Often, medical problems or issues are at fault for painful sex. Infections, STD’s, pregnancy, and a multitude of other conditions are more likely to cause painful sex than just penis size and physical sexual incompatibility.

Go to the doctor – the doctor is a “body mechanic” and his or her job is to find out why your equipment isn’t working right. If you’re embarrassed to talk to the doctor about what is going on in your sex life, it’s time to find a new doctor. You should be comfortable talking to your doctor about everything. Your doctor can conduct tests that can tell you if an underlying medical problem is at fault for the painful sex you’ve been experiencing, or if it is just your anatomy.

Enjoy Each Other In Other Ways

Believe it or not, there are other ways to be sexual and intimate with your partner than through intercourse. Genital massage and oral sex are very popular, and some people enjoy anal sex instead of vaginal sex. Go to a sex therapist, or even visit an adult store (lots of online stores feature tons of products that you can shop for from the privacy of your own home) to find a few different things that you and your partner would like to try, and it’s a great way to get different ideas about positions, lubricants and male and female sexual stimulation.

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Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My girlfriend doesn’t like anal sex but I do. I mean, I really do! It’s something I want to experience with her – how can I get her to do it with me?

–Jason, MO

Give Her A Hint

If you want your partner to really get into anal sex, the best method of approach isn’t a blunt one. Hint at anal sex during regular sex by caressing your partner’s buttocks during sex, tickle her anus with a feather or your fingers and perhaps even get her involved with playing around your anus. Don’t do anything drastic at this point – if she’ll let you, a little hot finger play around her anus is all you want to go for right now. Start hinting around in this manner with your partner a month or two before you really want to take the plunge into anal sex. She’ll really need a mental warm up before she’s ready.

Get Her Emotionally Ready

Believe it or not, anal sex is a huge emotional step for a woman. It’s a “taboo” and very submissive act. She’ll need time to get mentally prepared for anal sex, so a couple weeks after you start introducing the light finger play, talk to her about anal sex. You don’t necessarily have to have a “sit down” talk with her about it – that might actually intimidate her. Try watching a pornography together that features anal sex and talk to your partner about how much it turns you on. Watch your language though – make sure she gets the idea that it would turn you on to have her do that with you and not that you simply think anal sex is hot.

If She’s Interested

If you’ve gotten your partner to accept the idea of having anal sex with you, congrats! It’s not over yet though. If you want to have anal sex with your partner more than once, it’s important to make sure that you make this experience a positive one for her. First, get a good, solid bottle of water based lubricant. Don’t be shy with it either! Make sure you use plenty of lubricant. The anus is not self lubricating, so use as much lubricant as you like – you definitely can’t use too much! Start slow and be gentle – the anus is not a place to have rough sex. It’s not made to accommodate something go in, so it can tear quite easily. Give your partner a lot of warm up time, and give yourself time to enjoy it!

Extra Tips

Always wash your penis after anal sex. Bacteria can spread, especially to the vagina. Never insert your penis into the vagina after anal sex unless you’ve thoroughly washed it, because your partner can get some pretty nasty infections that way. If you’re not in a faithful, monogamous relationship with someone who is STD and STI free, wear a condom during anal sex. Anal sex actually has a higher rate of STD and STI transmission than traditional intercourse! If you just want to be safe, wear a condom anyway. After having anal sex with your partner, make sure you tell her you love her and that you still respect her!

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Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Is anal sex really safe? Is it okay to have anal sex? What precautions can you take so you can still enjoy anal sex but do so safely?

–Tom, NJ

No Sex Is Safe

You might be surprised to learn that no sex – oral, anal or vaginal – is technically considered safe. There is always the risk of pregnancy with vaginal sex no matter how much protection you use (although the proper protection such as condoms and birth control greatly reduce that risk) and there’s always the risk of contracting sexually transmitted with any type of sex, no matter how small. So it makes sense that anal sex is never considered “safe” either, and anal sex even has its own risks associated with it. With that in mind, if you choose to have anal sex, definitely take care to make it as safe as you possibly can!

Cleanliness

One risk associated with anal sex that generally isn’t true of other types of sex is the abundance of bacteria in the anal cavity that can spread. If you’re using toys, make sure your toys are clean before and after use, and never, ever use a toy or even a real penis for vaginal sex after anal sex if it hasn’t been cleaned properly first. There are a lot of great toy cleansers on the market today, and if you’re short on cash, hot water and soap work just as well. As an added note, having a bowel movement or even taking a gentle laxative before having anal sex will ensure that while bacteria still remain, solid matter is at a minimum.

Be Reasonable!

Remember that the anal cavity is not self lubricating like the vagina. Use plenty of water based lubricant (oil based lubricants break down latex and if you’re using a condom during anal sex – which is highly recommended whether you’re with a monogamous partner or not – oil based lube will reduce the condom’s effectiveness or even cause it to break) and add more lubricant as needed. Be reasonable with size as well – if you’re partner’s penis is unusually well endowed, you might want to try using a smaller toy or fingers for anal sex play. If you only use toys for anal sex, keep your toys at a reasonable size and opt for ones that have a wide base at the bottom to keep it from slipping in your anal cavity and getting lost – because yes, that can happen!

The Anal Cavity Is Not The Place For Rough Sex

Remember that the anal cavity and anus is not designed for sex the way a vagina is. That doesn’t mean that it’s not possible, just that sex is not this area’s primary purpose. If you like rough sex, the anus is not the place for it. Anal tissues are very delicate and can tear, and overly stretching your anus and anal cavity can lead to the necessity for adult diapers later on. If you choose to have anal sex, be safe, smart and educated and take care of yourself and your partner. It may give you great pleasure, but tearing or stretching your anal cavity can make you unable to have any type of anal sex in the future, in addition to the other problems that come along with that.

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The most important thing to consider when using sex toys for anal sex is safety – having anal sex is nothing like having vaginal sex because you have to be a lot more careful. Here’s what you need to know about anal sex and the most popular anal sex toys.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’d like to have anal sex using toys – are there toys built just for anal sex? What is the best toy to use?

–Sarah, Idaho

Before You Begin

Before you begin anal sex, make sure you have what you need on hand, such as plenty of lubricant. Don’t use a numbing lubricant during anal sex, because you could inhibit pain receptors that play an important factor in letting you know if something goes wrong. Anal sex should be introduced slowly and be very aware that anal tissue is more sensitive than vaginal or oral tissue and can tear easily. Remember that the anal cavity is not self lubricating like a vagina is – make sure to use lots and lots of lubricant during anal sex whether you’re having anal sex with your partner or using an anal sex toy.

Which Toys Are Safest?

The safest anal sex toys are those that are designed for anal sex only. Most of these toys have a wide enough base to prevent the toy from “getting lost” in the anal cavity, and this is an important feature to have on an anal sex toy. Many vaginal sex toys don’t have wide bases because a woman’s body prevents toys or other things from getting lost – they can always come out. This isn’t true of the anal cavity though and if something goes too far in, you might need a doctor’s help in getting it out. Make sure your anal toys have a wide base to prevent the toy from slipping to far in the anus. Another benefit of the wide base is that they fit nicely into strap on harnesses, allowing more freedom of sex play both vaginally and anally.

Curved Anal Toys

Anal toys can be fun for both men and women, and men actually have an inner pleasure spot within their anal cavity, similar to a woman’s g-spot. This is called the prostate gland, and you can use a curved anal toy to better stimulate a man’s prostate for increased pleasure and more satisfying anal sex.

Remember The Most Important Thing

The most important thing about having anal sex and using anal sex toys is not only to go slow and only go with what you’re comfortable with, but to have fun! If something is painful, or if you’re just not comfortable with something, find another toy or try another sex activity that works to satisfy both you and your partner. If you like anal sex and enjoy using toys for anal sex, make sure to get the ones that are manufactured specifically for that purpose. If anal sex or anal sex toys just aren’t your thing, there are thousands of different ways to pleasure yourself and your partner that doesn’t involve the backdoor at all. If, however, you really enjoy that backdoor action, keep it safe and keep it fun!

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Anal sex can be fun and intriguing if you’re smart about it, but what if your partner becomes addicted to anal sex? What do you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My boyfriend and I have a wonderful emotional relationship as well as a wonderful physical relationship. He recently convinced me to try anal sex. I hated it at first but after giving it a few extra shots it was ok. He loves it so much! So most of the time I let him finish there. Lately I’ve noticed that if we skip the anal and just stick to vaginal, he can’t finish and just ends up loosing his erection. Am I not tight enough anymore in comparison?? I am 20 and he is 32… Is there a possibility that he is loosing his drive?

– Frustrated Girl

Is This A Medical Issue?

Enjoying anal sex is nothing to be ashamed about. Lots of people enjoy anal sex! However, if your partner is wanting to have a lot of anal sex, you might be concerned. Even more so, if your partner is losing their erection if they’re not having anal sex, you might wonder what you’re doing wrong or if there’s something wrong with your partner.

Talk to your partner about it. Find out how they feel. They might not know that you don’t want to have as much anal sex as they do, so you need to talk about it with them. You might be able to find a compromise between anal and traditional sex.

If your partner is consistently losing his erection, that could be another issue altogether. If this is the case, consider seeing a medical doctor and even a sex therapist to find out what might be the issue.

Out, Not In

Remember that the anal canal was created to be an exit, not an entrance. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun with it now and again, but you certainly don’t want to make a huge habit out of it. The anal canal is not self lubricating meaning you will need to use lots and lots of lubrication during anal sex.

Avoid using sharp or large objects during anal sex, or the anus could tear or perforate, causing you lots of trouble in the long run. Having anal sex means being safe about it, and respecting the fact that it wasn’t designed for the purpose of sex.

When Enough Is Enough

There might come a point where you feel like your partner is asking you for more anal sex than you’d like to have. That’s okay, but it’s important that you speak up about it! If you find through your doctor that your partner has no medical issues that would cause them to want anal sex more often, try to find ways to sexually satisfy your partner without anal sex.

There are lots of different sex toys on the market, ranging from the tame to the extreme. Visit a toy store together and browse through things until you and your partner find something you might like to try. You might even find something you like better than anal sex!

All in all, anal sex can definitely be fun if you and your partner both enjoy it and you’re safe and smart about it. While you probably don’t want to be having anal sex all the time, you can certainly save it for that special occasion or for times when you and your partner are feeling especially frisky.

There’s nothing wrong with it as long as you’re both on the same page about your wants, needs and expectations as far as anal sex is concerned!

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However, if done incorrectly, anal sex can cause damage and infection. Without proper lubrication, you and your partner can get into some serious trouble with anal sex!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am a sadist, and my girlfriend is a masochist. We both agreed that we wanted to have anal sex without lube.

My fear is that I could cause serious damage that way, because as you stated in a previous segment about anal sex, it’s not meant to be an in-hole and it doesn’t lubricate itself. So, is it possible to have anal sex without lube and not cause serious damage? Or is that just an impossible fantasy?

–Anonymous, California

Tearing The Membranes

Anal sex is somewhat difficult to begin with, especially for the inexperienced. When having anal sex, it is extremely important to use lots of lubrication to make sure there is no friction. Keep in mind that the anal cavity is quite unlike the vagina. It doesn’t self lubricate like the vagina does.

Without external lubrication, the friction between the penis and the anal cavity can cause tearing. The rectum itself could easily tear, as well as the inner membranes of the lower intestine.

Remember, the anal cavity wasn’t built for sex! It was made for the expulsion of waste. That doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with it though, if you take the proper precautions.

For example, the mouth was designed for eating but that generally doesn’t stop people from having oral sex. With oral sex though, people take the proper precautions and make sure they don’t choke their partner with their penis.

Anal sex is similar, but there are a few more precautions to take. Using lots of lube helps keep the penis and anal cavity moist so there is little to no tearing. Remember to go slow when having anal sex and if it hurts too much, stop!

Infection

Tearing the anal membranes is of special concern because the anal cavity is filled with lots of unfriendly bacteria. In the event of an injury, the bacteria will go straight to the wound and severely impede healing.

Just imagine rubbing feces into a cut on your arm. You wouldn’t want to do that, would you? It’s the same concept with anal injuries. You don’t want them if you can help it.

The bacteria from feces can keep the wound from healing properly and it can also cause infection. If the tear is in the right place and big enough, it can cause fecal matter to leak into your abdominal cavity, causing serious health issues and possibly requiring surgery. Anal sex isn’t something you take lightly!

Take Proper Precautions

If you plan on having anal sex, use every precaution you can. Always use plenty of lubrication and you can protect yourself even further by having your partner wear a condom.

Never insert a penis or other object into a vagina after it has been inserted into the anal cavity without washing it thoroughly. Wash your hands and all toys or other body parts involved in hot, soapy water after you’re finished.

Be careful, and go slow at first, especially if you’re inexperienced. It might be a good idea to come up with a “code word” that means stop, in the event that you’re experiencing too much pain. Never force anal sex! If you are safe and smart, anal sex can become a pleasurable addition to your sex repertoire. If done incorrectly, anal sex can cause you a lot of damage, money and health problems.

It’s always better to be safe and smart!

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Both women and men can enjoy anal sex and if you’re a man who has a female partner but enjoys her using a strap on to have anal sex with you, you could be wondering if it makes you gay. It doesn’t!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I really like it when my wife does me with a strap-on (she likes it too). It feels really good – intense orgasms. I don’t think I am gay. I think I would rather kiss a monkey than kiss another guy.

1) I don’t feel gay, or bi, but I really like getting boned in the booty by my wife – does this make me a little girly man?

2) Am I really gay but somehow just don’t realize it? Is that even possible?

3) Any suggestions on how to make it feel even better?

–Stuart, Georgia

Being gay involves more than anal sex

Being homosexual involves a number of different hormonal and emotional issues – not just enjoying anal sex. Homosexual men might fantasize about having sex with other men, or may be physically and emotionally attracted to men more than women.

Simply enjoying having anal sex does not make you a homosexual! Similarly, not all homosexual men enjoy anal sex. It is simply a matter of personal preference that is not at all grouped by age, race, sexual orientation or gender.

If you enjoy having your female partner perform anal sex on you with a strap on, and she enjoys it too, you are welcome to thoroughly enjoy your new sexual experiences together! Don’t let anyone judge you based on what you and your partner enjoy in the bedroom. What you and her like is up to you and no one else has a say in it. As long as you’re both being safe, you’re both willing and no one is getting hurt, feel free to take part in your sexual pleasure and enjoy!

As a heterosexual man, you might be a little unfamiliar with the ins and outs of anal sex, so to speak. You might have tried it a few times and liked it, but haven’t taken it any further than that. There are a number of things you can do to make sure anal sex is safe and even more enjoyable for both you and your partner!

Things to remember

First of all, remember that the rectum is one of bacteria’s favorite places to be. If your partner uses a strap on to have anal sex with you, thoroughly wash the strap on or other toy with soap and hot water before using it anywhere else, especially in her vagina! Remember to wash your hands before continuing to have any contact with your partner or really, anything or anyone else!

Keeping bacteria contamination to a minimum during anal sex is one of the most important ways to ensure anal sex success. You should also take care to use lots and lots of lubricant to prevent tearing, and always tell your partner if something is uncomfortable or painful.

She’s using a fake penis, so it may be difficult for her to tell if there is a great deal of resistance or if she is thrusting too hard. You might consider coming up with a code word that is completely unrelated to sex, such as “banana” so that if you say the code word, the anal sex immediately stops.

To make anal sex more enjoyable for you and your partner, you can use flavored or scented lubrication or even lubrication that warms or cools upon touch. Experiment with different sizes and textures of strap ons, or even consider using plugs or anal beads for added enjoyment. Just use your imagination!

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So can it be dangerous? You bet, but that doesn’t have to exclude it from your list of enjoyable bedroom (or other room) activities if you really enjoy it.

Here are some ways you can make anal sex safe and fun.

Is anal sex really dangerous? Can it be practiced safely?

Practice and Patience

Anal sex isn’t something you’re going to be able to be successful with on the first try. It might hurt at first, and you’ll have to go slow. It’s important that your partner and you are on the same page about how to try anal sex.

Practice first with your fingers or other small, smooth objects until you get used to the sensation. Have patience and work up to the point where anal sex isn’t as uncomfortable.

Keeping Clean

That particular orifice in our bodies was designed to excrete waste, and it does so pretty efficiently. Unfortunately, since anal sex is something our bodies weren’t designed to do (although we can manage pretty well sometimes), you might end up “playing in the mud” when you try anal sex.

Human waste is loaded with bacteria and in part, that’s what makes it dangerous if you don’t keep things clean. NEVER have vaginal intercourse after anal intercourse without washing thoroughly. Wash your hands, toys, penis and anything else that was involved. Wash everything again when you’re done! NEVER have oral sex after anal sex!

You can reduce your exposure to the bacteria in human waste if you wear a condom during anal intercourse. Even if you’re a monogamous couple, wearing a condom will help keep things safe for everyone involved.

Going Slow

While having anal sex puts both parties involved at risk for bacteria exposure, it exposes the receiver of anal sex to injury in that area if the giving partner isn’t careful. When having anal sex, go slow and don’t try to have rough sex.

Use soft, long and slow strokes to avoid tearing or other types of injury there. If you’re the giving partner, and the receiver asks you to stop, STOP! Using care and caution is of the utmost importance when having anal sex.

Communication is Key

Make sure that you and your partner agree on how you’re going to proceed with anal sex. Talk to each other and make sure the lines of communication are always open.

If a situation arises, talk about it! When you’re done talking about it, make sure to talk some more! You put yourself at a higher risk of doing damage during anal sex if you and your partner aren’t in agreement about how it’s going to be handled.

While anal sex isn’t always dangerous every time you do it, it can be and should be regarded with care and caution. Don’t go into anal sex without speaking to your partner thoroughly before, during and after anal sex and don’t do it if it makes you uncomfortable.

Keeping everything clean is probably the most important aspect of making anal sex safe and fun, as is making sure you’re going slowly and your partner isn’t uncomfortable. If you’re cautious, anal sex can become a fun alternative to spice up your sex life!

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Some people tend to find a few things they like, such as anal sex, and may incorporate this into their sexual activities regularly.

Sometimes, however, you’ll find that after kids or other things that some things become uncomfortable or unbearable.

What happens if you become unable to perform you or your partner’s favorite sex acts due to one or more reasons?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband loves anal sex… we used to have it a lot (several years ago). Now it is extremely painful for me. I have been diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome and have a couple external hemorrhoids from having children. We have tried taking it easy, tried using fingers first and LOTS of lube.

How can I get over the horrible pain so he will be happy? I don’t know what else to do. Can you help me? PLEASE!!!

-Me. WV

When it becomes uncomfortable…

Many people enjoy different activities during sex. This can range from S & M to anal sex to foot fetishes to anything your imaginations can dream up.

As long as you both enjoy it and you are both being smart and safe, there’s nothing against having fun and enjoying new and different things with your partner!

Good things can’t last forever though, and you may find that some of the things you once enjoyed doing have become uncomfortable and even painful. For example, if you and your partner really enjoy having anal sex, but after children it becomes painful for you to do so, you and your partner may become frustrated.

Just what do you do if you and your partner’s favorite activities become something you aren’t able to do anymore? Do you stop? Do you grin and bear it?

But they like it…

Even if something in particular is uncomfortable or painful to you, if your partner likes it a lot, you might be inclined to let them continue and just suffer through the pain. This is not something you are obligated to do! Not only is it extremely uncomfortable for you, it might even cause you harm in some way.

If you have had surgery or have had children and there are some physical reasons that keep you from enjoying your partner in the same way you once had, talk to your doctor about how safe it is for you to continue doing so. Don’t be embarrassed! They’ve heard it all before!

If you continue, you may find that it’s not just painful, it’s downright dangerous and could cause your body further damage. Your doctor can tell you what is safe and what isn’t.

Finding something else…

While you and your partner may be disappointed at first, if you truly love each other and care about each other, you’ll find more new and exciting ways to give each other pleasure.

There are a million and one things out there that two people can do together to share each other intimately and sexually, and if you continue to try new things and work different elements into your routine, you’re bound to find something else that turns you and your partner on. Don’t give up!

They won’t let it go…

Every once in awhile, there’s someone who just won’t let it go. They may want it anyway, even if it hurts you or may cause your body damage. Rest assured, this person isn’t worth your time! You have the right to say “No” and if something hurts you, you don’t have to do it.

There are plenty of other fish in the sea that will respect your boundaries and respect you if you choose to no longer participate in an activity that makes you uncomfortable.

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So is it really a special treat, or a very dangerous game that should be avoided at all costs?

The answer depends on who you ask and what  their sexual preferences are. It’s not your place to judge another person nor is it another person’s right to judge your sexual preferences.

Here’s a question from a couple who watched an episode of “Talk Sex” with Sue Johanson. They’re wondering if we agree with her take on anal sex.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I watched your videos on YouTube and I wanted to explore a bit more one subject. My girlfriend and I have had anal sex several times, but she recently saw a episode of Talk Sex with Sue Johanson. In this episode she mentioned of all the bad things that can happen if one is to have anal sex.

Our question is the following: Will having anal sex about once, twice or even 3 times a month, with lube and no pain still lead to these problems? Is it eminent like cigarettes give you breathing problems? or possible like walking and twisting an ankle? Thanks, keep up the good work!

– Domenic, California

Is Having Anal Sex Dangerous?

Like all things, there are risks associated with having anal sex that must be considered and weighed against the pleasure and intimacy that many couples experience while engaging in this type of sex play.

Sue Johanson has written a really great article on the things to watch out for if you are going to have anal sex.

Check out her full article here.

In her article, Sue mentions many problems that could possible occur during anal sex.

Possible Complications Caused By Having Anal Sex

First, understand your anatomy. At the lower end of the bowel, there are two distinct circular bands of muscles called sphincters, one is located about an 1 ½ inches above the other. These clamp down tight to prevent the passage of feces or gas.

The mucous membrane which lines the rectum is not as heavy as the lining of the vagina, so it can tear quite easily, and it does not heal as quickly as the inner walls of the vagina. Because feces, loaded with bacteria, pass through the rectum any tears in the mucous membrane are vulnerable to infection.

The vigorous thrusting that may occur during anal intercourse can tear the mucous membrane.

What Can Happen If The Membrane Tears?

Tears in the mucous membrane of the rectum can develop into anal abscesses that can become infected.

Also, if your partner has any sexually transmitted infections (STI’s), then you could get infected through these tears.

Examples of sexually transmitted infections are: gonorrhea (treatable); venereal warts (treatable if external, difficult if up in the rectum); syphilis (treatable); herpes (treatment, no cure); yeast infection (treatable); and HIV and AIDS (treatment but no cure).

You do not want any of these STI’s.

Other Potential Problems Associated with Anal Sex

Some doctors claim that hemorrhoids (piles) could result from vigorous anal sex, and although I have no medical research to support this, I have heard people say that the rectum “gets sloppy”, meaning it stretches more than it otherwise would.

However, I am dubious. If anal “sloppiness” was true, why wouldn’t this happen as a result of regular bowel movements? Since there is no definitive research on this, I’ll leave it up to you to decide how you feel about this.

Should You Have Anal Sex Anyway?

Well, according to Sue, the best prevention is to not go there at all!

But if you do decide to try anal sex, she suggests that both you and your partner talk about it and agree on the following points. And we absolutely agree with everything she says in this list.

• Your partner must be very, very gentle, absolutely no forced penetration and no vigorous thrusting.
• You must use lots and lots of good lubrication, (anal lube, not saliva).
• Your partner must use a condom…all the time, every time.
• Your partner must respect “stop”. If you say ouch, or it hurts, or No or quit… they must stop immediately.
• It must be understood, if you do not want to have anal sex again, there will be no pressure, no threats and no pleading. NO means NO.
• Use a well-lubricated condom without spermicide, either on the sex toy or his penis. Spermicide can irritate the rectum.
• Never shift from anal sex back to vaginal sex without changing condoms. Feces can end up in the vagina and cause infections. And please wash your hands with soap and water after handling the dirty condom or you could still spread infectious material.

Just How Risky Is It?

The problems that Sue mentions in her article are definitely possible, but not necessarily probable…

Like smoking, the risks are lower if you do it less often.

Chances are you’re not going to get lung cancer from smoking one pack of cigarettes. And as long as you’re careful when having anal sex, the chances of running into the problems that Sue mentions in her article are greatly reduced if you do it very carefully and only occasionally.

Keep in mind that the rectum is designed as an “out hole” – not an “in hole”. Our advice is that if you are going to have anal sex, be very gentle and take it very slowly, use lots and lots of good quality lubrication, and save it as the occasional treat.

Don’t make it a regular activity that you do every day. Save it for special occasions.

Is It OK For Me To Talk My Partner Into Trying Anal Sex?

Like Sue, we get lots of questions from men wondering how they can “talk their girlfriend into having anal sex“. She adamantly says that you should never try to convince your partner to have anal sex.

We think it could go either way. We all use the art of gentle persuasion a hundred times a day to convince our kids to clean their rooms, to convince our husband to take out the trash, to talk ourselves into going to the gym when we don’t always feel like it.

Persuasion is not always a bad thing. Sometimes we need a little encouragement to move past our fears and overcome our shyness.

We do, however, want to stress that no one should ever be forced or pressured into doing any sexual act that they’re not 100% comfortable with and willing to do.

Do not confuse gentle persuasion with force and coercion!

Talk to your partner, and figure out works well for both of you. Sex should be enjoyable for both parties involved – anal or otherwise.

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Often times men want it and women SOMETIMES indulge them. But there’s so much more to that.

Our friend Rose from Speak Sexy just posted a great article entitled Getting Anal Sex Right – The First Time. This is a great instructional piece on anal sex, going into all the how-to details.

But be warned… And I’ll quote Rose when she says “This article contains things that may make you feel uncomfortable. It is intended for mature, open-minded adults only.” So only click if you actually want the vivid details. In addition Speak Sexy features various erotic and sometimes nude photos.

Take a moment to enjoy our recent videos on this beautifully sinful and taboo sexual fantasy…

Do You Know The Hidden Dangers of Anal Sex? (Video)

Anal Sex – How to Make Her REALLY Want It (Video)

Help! My Boyfriend Wants Me To Have Anal Sex! (Video)

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Couples that are completely open and honest with each other can experience an amazing sex life playing together. This is because they listen to each other, and they discover each other’s fantasies and desires.

They also know that having a great sex life is about more than experiencing amazing orgasms in various positions. It’s about trying and experiencing new things together – truly playing together.

The problem comes in when one partner ups the ante and wants to try something more exotic than their lover is comfortable with.

This can be the woman maybe wanting to tie her lover up, the man wanting to try anal sex with his girlfriend, or hundreds of other exotic sexual permutations.

And since anal sex is such a popular fantasy for so many men, let’s talk about how this desire impacts all the women who are dealing with those men.

Of course, pushing boundaries is often just half the fun for sexual play, so it’s important to peel back those fears and figure out where they started.

So what’s a girl to do when her boyfriend REALLY wants to try anal sex, especially when he tries SO hard to please her?

Here’s a question from a lady in Florida facing this sexual dilemma with her boyfriend…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have recently started dating this very great guy. I introduced him to the family, and he got their approval. Usually this does not happen, so I got the green light from my family, and friends, and even random neighbors! Everyone says “you look great together!” Plus I feel very happy around him. He calls me all the time, pays me respect and attention and even has declared that he wants to marry me if I permit it.

Okay, so the problem is this. When we have sex, he is very focused and he puts all of his energy and stamina into it… which lasts a little too long for my taste! Also he is very experimental and wants to satisfy my every request! This is great right?

Well, now he pushed up the stakes and wants to try Anal sex! I don’t want to try it because I read that it is dangerous or bad, and I don’t want to break this taboo. However I have been extremely experimental in the past, but I never tried this. Am I being too prudish or what? How should I maintain a great sex life and relationship with him, but not make him feel rejected or limited in the bedroom?

– Cynthia, Florida

Why Your Friends and Family Have No Business In Your Sex Life

In addition to taboos in our society, fear of what your friends and family might say is a big deterrent keeping some people from truly broadening out and enjoying a more varied and exotic sex life.

But really, this shouldn’t be an issue. Sex is something private between the two of you – you’re not going to be discussing your latest sexual adventures at you next family dinner – at least if you’re smart. Actually, be sure you don’t. Some people actually talk to their families about their sex lives, and this often results in arguments and fighting. Yes, we’ve very big on open and honest communication, but truly your family has no business knowing or discussing what specifically you do to each other in the bedroom. Nor does anyone else…

Even if at first you’re not comfortable talking openly with your partner about sex (and you’d rather talk with your buddies), this communication is crucial to a happy and fulfilling sex life. So figure out a way to actually talk to each other!

Why Our Culture Has So Many Sexual Taboos…

At the core of it, most of the sexual taboos in our culture originate from hundreds (thousands) of years where one church or another was the law of the land.

Even today there are plenty of people who’ll try to convince you that you can’t do this, shouldn’t do that, and should never do the other since it’s downright evil and immoral. But at the end of the day, what grown adults do in the privacy of their own bedroom is nobody else’s business.

Unless you happen to subscribe to whatever particular religious belief doesn’t tolerate your sexual practices, what they think isn’t really your concern.

Unfortunately, growing up in this environment of taboos, where people are afraid to even talk about the more involved areas of sexuality, results in mass ignorance. People grow up knowing little about sex, and less about safe sex, and even less about the right way to talk about sex.

As popular a fantasy as anal sex is in today’s society, it’s still hard to find someone that will talk about it. People tend to be shocked that you even brought it up. So we definitely have a way to go and evolve as a society, until we can speak openly to one another about topics that today tend to stay behind closed doors.

Should You Try Anal Sex Just to Keep Him From Feeling Rejected?

Well, that’s a tough question. If your man pays you amazing attention and bends over backwards to make sure you’re always “satisfied”, then it certainly wouldn’t hurt to try and reciprocate by at least trying to fulfill his fantasy.

Maybe more importantly though, consider if down deep you may actually want to try it, but haven’t because you were afraid of social stigmas or what others would say.

So, if you want to keep him from feeling rejected, maybe consider trying it.

As an alternative, you could maybe try a limited approach to this, like maybe just a finger, and see how that goes. Having said that, everyone has their limits. If it’s terrible, stop and don’t do it again. It’s that simple.

The only reason to do anything in life is because you want to – not out of obligation to anyone.

Safety and Anal Sex – Why Taking It Slow Is SO Important

If done right and taken slowly, anal sex can be safe, and many women actually like it – once they get over the taboo anyway…

But it’s important to realize that mother nature didn’t intend this to be an ‘in’ hole, so the body does not self lubricate this area. Which means you need to bring your own lubricant, and plenty of it. If you’re not careful, someone could really get hurt.

That area of the body is very sensitive, and it’s very easy to cause injury if you’re not really careful. Aside from not wanting to hurt your partner, do you really want to explain to your family why you guys were at the hospital the other day? So play it safe, and use lots of lubricant.

And most importantly, take it very slow!

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It’s about truly understanding the sexual as well as the emotional desires of your partner, and fulfilling those needs. This means paying attention to what they want, and doing your best to satisfy their needs.

The topic of anal sex is a real sore point for so many couples (truly, no pun intended)

Yet few are willing to talk about this issue, and fewer still are willing to answer their questions.

With all the bizarre taboos and social stigmas in our culture today, it’s no wonder that so many people have utterly dysfunctional and empty sex lives. In the true spirit of this advice column, we’ll cover this topic in an open and honest manner.

So at the end of the day, can you really entice your wife or girlfriend into trying anal sex, and what’s the best way to go about it?

Here’s a question from a man in New Mexico wondering how to conquer this sexual challenge with his girlfriend…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How do I talk my girlfriend into having anal sex?

– Jay, New Mexico

Why is it that so many men want their wife or girlfriend to have anal sex at some time or another?

Some guys can’t stand the idea, but for many it’s a serious turn-on. Maybe it’s just the forbidden aspect that draws them, the thought of doing something they’re not supposed to be doing, and getting away with it in secret. Or maybe not.

Regardless, for women, this is a whole different story. While some have tried it and actually even like it, most are unwilling to even talk about it… and they certainly don’t generally want to try it. Well, therein lies the problem.

So why don’t most women want to have anal sex?

1. Anal sex definitely falls into the hot list of choice sexual practices that’s viewed by many as taboo in our culture.

Basically there’s a lot of social stigma around most anything other than missionary position. So you just have to decide if you’re going to live your life and enjoy your sex life in a way that’s dictated by other people’s phobias and preconceived judgments – or are you going to follow your own path? What you and your partner share and experience in the bedroom is nobody’s business but your own, and nobody other than the two of you has a right to influence what you do and do not choose to do.

2. Many women are afraid it’ll hurt, and have heard it could even be dangerous.

Worse yet, they may have tried it before, and they KNOW it’ll hurt. Not exactly a good start to a sexually charged evening.

How do you approach the topic with your wife or girlfriend?

The first step is to actually TALK to her about it, openly and honestly. For some reason most men have great difficulty actually talking about sex with their partner. They’ll talk with their friends, but not with their lover. This goes back to completely open and honest communication – a MUST for a happy relationship and a fulfilling sex life.

Guess what – it doesn’t matter what your friends think about it, and what they would do in your place. Unless she’s up for it, you’re out of luck. Your best bet is to talk with HER.

But be ready to hear that she may not want ANYTHING to do with it. Period.

Can you seduce her into trying it?

Once you’ve talked with her, you should have a feeling for how receptive she is. If she’s apprehensive (or dead set against it), then your chances of success can be pretty slim.

Although trying to get someone to do something against their will is most always a bad idea, that doesn’t mean you have to give up on all your fantasies just because you didn’t initially get a yes.

Here are some ideas…

• Bring it up when she’s already aroused. The more aroused the better.
• Keep trying now and then, but without being too insistent or making her feel guilty. And whatever you do, don’t get into an argument about it. That’s a quick way to guarantee it won’t happen.
• Put her fears at ease… let her know that you’ll be very gentle, and you’ll take good care of her. If she’s afraid it’ll hurt, then being reassured that you will take it easy should be a big help. Major tip here – be sure to stick to your promise and actually be nurturing, or your first time will be your last. Also, use lots of lubricant – that area of your body is not self lubricating, so this is a must.
• A little “slippage” while in the heat of passion (read: while a certain lady is climaxing) may just do the trick. Again, this is delicate territory, so tread lightly. But sexual playfulness is tends to be a great stimulant in most situations.
• Encourage her to be adventurous and experimental in your love making, so that your sex life is always getting more fun and exciting. But be prepared for what SHE may want YOU to try too.

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