Ask Dan and Jennifer » bad date

Q&A: What Went Wrong On The First Date (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 21:00:23 +0000

So many things can go wrong on a first date – but sometimes it seems as nothing went wrong and it still ends up getting weird for seemingly no reason! This can be incredibly frustrating, especially if you feel as though the date actually went well. What do you do if it seems like all of a sudden they’re just not that into you? How can you find out why?

Question: I went on a date this guy who has been flirting with me for about a month and a half. He put his arm around me, we held hands, and we were cheek to cheek. I really like him, and I thought the date went well. But I guess he didn’t because he’s only talked to me a couple times since then, but not like he used to. Why is he doing this? What do I do?

–YouTube Viewer

Click here to view the embedded video.

Was There Chemistry On His Part?

Sometimes during a first date, one person feels lots of chemistry but the other may not. Even if you and your date end up holding hands, hugging or even kissing good night, this doesn’t mean that the chemistry is there for him. Often, physical things such as hand holding happen on a date just because it seems natural to do – it’s not a good indicator of whether both parties are really into each other or not. If your date isn’t calling you back or avoiding you all together, he may not just have had that chemistry with you and that’s ok. Sometimes it’s just not there.

He Wants To Avoid The Situation

It may be hard for a guy or girl to admit that although the first date seemed to go really well, that they just didn’t click with you. Often, they’ll just try to avoid the situation all together such as avoiding calling or talking to you. This can be incredibly frustrating though, and leave you wondering just what exactly you did wrong to deserve being given the cold shoulder. Don’t take it personally! It’s unlikely that you actually did something wrong during the date or upset them in some way – it’s more probable that your date is avoiding you because they’re afraid to tell you that the chemistry just wasn’t there.

If You Want To Know, Ask

If you want to know if you really did do something during the first date that pushed them away, or if you want to know if it just didn’t click for them, just ask! It may seem intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. There’s nothing wrong with casually asking what happened. Tell your date that you just don’t want it to be weird and it would be better if it were out in the open. If they didn’t have that chemistry with you, that’s fine. You can be friends if they want, or nothing at all. But there is nothing wrong with simply asking them what is going on because you deserve to know! It doesn’t have to be complicated if you don’t make it complicated.

4 Ways Nerves Can Wreck A First Date

Bethany Smith — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:03:05 +0000

First dates can be excruciating to your nerves. You want to make a good impression – no, a great impression, so that this person will see everything that is fabulous about you and call you the next day for a second date.

This could be “the one” after all, and too many times our nerves get to us and cause us to do some, well, less than attractive things.

I’ve listed the top 4, in no particular order, and some solutions that can help you overcome the nerves and just be you… calm & confident.

Nervous Habit #1: Eating.

Believe it or not, this is one of the most common signs of nervousness. Picture it: you’re sitting there with a fantastic person across from you… it gets quiet for a moment… nothing brilliant comes to mind to break the silence with, so you reach for a roll and comment on the restaurant’s atmosphere.

Reaching for a roll isn’t the problem… but if you’re not careful, you’ll find that your mouth is constantly full of food.

Just take a deep breath, and be okay with silence. Look at what’s on the table in front of you and make a quick decision to eat only what is appropriate. Then pace yourself. The key is to not allow yourself to get so uncomfortable that you reach out for food.

Some people tend to eat because they are uncomfortable with attention, and they focus on the food in an attempt to draw attention away from themselves. In this case, just relax and enjoy the attention. If it’s creepy, just end the date earlier than normal and you won’t have to see that person again. There’s no sense going home with a disappointing date AND a few extra pounds of food!

Nervous Habit #2: Talking - or NOT talking.

This is perhaps the most damaging sign of nervousness, because it can really affect the way a new person thinks about your personality.

If you are someone who seems to go quiet and blank when you are nervous, then you might want to rehearse your date. You might feel silly doing it, but if you visualize over and over again asking specific and interesting questions, or bringing up unique conversations that fit your personality and interests, it won’t be very difficult at all to get those conversations started. And soon enough, you’ll be comfortable with this person and will not have to visualize the conversations in advance.

If you’re someone who seems to talk fast and incessantly when you’re nervous, you’re going to have to also do some prep work. Wear a piece of jewelry that will remind you to listen to yourself speak. Anything that is slightly intrusive on your awareness level will work great.

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Ten Tips for Blind Date and Set Up Survival

Natalie Lue — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:22:30 +0000

It’s bound to happen if you’re single. Some well intentioned friend or acquaintance will come to you full of excitement and want to set you up with the perfect person.

You may balk at first, but then you think, "Oh why not? What have I got to lose?" and you agree to meet Mr. or Ms. Perfect.

As the big night approaches, keep an open mind and follow these ten tips to make it an enjoyable experience.

Enter the date with a blank slate approach

It is best to apply the pinch of salt rule here – Whatever information you think you know about them or how much they’ve been bigged up by your friends, don’t get carried away.

People LOVE to exaggerate and they tend to tell you about qualities that the person fails to exhibit on the date but leave out crucial nuggets of information.

Always remember: people have their ‘date version’ and their ‘friend version’ so unless these people have actually dated your date, they really just don’t know half the time! Which brings me to…

Don’t be toooooo familiar

I know you’ve been set up and may know a little info where some of it can be used for conversation fodder…but proceed with caution. You may get carried away and repeat something that wasn’t intended for consumption…

Manage your expectations

This is a dating opportunity. You don’t have to get married, you don’t have to see them again after this date if you don’t want to, and you certainly don’t have to like or sleep with them. It’s a date like any other date except for that you got set up…and they know your friend.

I know, I know, awkward sometimes! It is a good idea to draw a line in the sand before the date with your friend so that they manage their expectations too. This way you can find out if they’re the sort that will take offense if you don’t come back with glowing praise.

Remember that your friend is the introducer not the facilitator of your date

Think of it like using a free dating agency. Would you phone them up and cuss them because your date wasn’t what was expected? Would you expect the agency to run interference between you both? From the moment that you arrange the date, three is a crowd.

You also don’t want to get into high school territory with the whole getting your mate to find out what the score is. Do your own dirty work! Oh and obviously if things go sour, the last thing that your friend will want to be accused of is having any part in it!

Be positive

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