Ask Dan and Jennifer » Better Sex

How To Get More Sex In Your Relationship (Video)

Daniel Rose, author Sex God Method — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 14:00:45 +0000

It’s common in a long term relationship or a marriage for sex to be on the bottom of your to-do list. It may escape you how it became a “to-do” at all, but most everybody at some point in their lives find that sex comes after chores, taking care of the kids and work. Most everybody wishes it were different though! Most people want to have more sex, better sex and hotter sex! Here’s how.

Not having as much sex as you once did? Has your sex life become a total bore? Here are some great ways to spice up your sex life and make it more interesting so that you both actually want to have sex more often!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Variety Is Key

If you want more sex in your relationship, variety is key. It’s important to have variety in the bedroom to avoid getting into a sex rut. It’s easy to fall into a sex rut – some people have sex at the same time, in the same position and do the same things each and every time they have sex. While a sexual routine can be comfortable, you tend to put off “comfortable sex” for other things. It’s important to have variety to keep sex from becoming boring or “blah.” If the sex in your relationship is never or rarely the same, you’re going to be less apt to put it off and more apt to put it first.

Long Term Relationships Have More Sexual Benefits

Believe it or not, the myth that sex is better if you have sex with lots of different people is just that – a myth. You can actually experience the best sex of your life in a long term relationship. Why is that? When you’re more comfortable with someone, it’s easier to share your fantasies with them and try new and different things. Yes, getting comfortable with someone can easily lead to “comfortable” sex, but if you put a little effort into it, being comfortable with someone can equally end up in kinkier, hotter and better sex than you’ve ever had in your life.

How To Spice Up Your Sex

Roleplaying is a great way to add something different to your sex “routine.” You can experiment with different types of roleplaying, such as switching dominant and submissive roles, or you can act out fantasies such as the “teacher” and “student” or “maid.” Costumes are fun too and can make roleplaying seem more real. Another way to spice up your sex life is to give your partner different types of orgasms. Touch different areas on your partner, such as her clitoris, her g-spot, his penis, his scrotum, and his perineum. Don’t forget nipples, lips and neck too!

You can also try new positions with your partner. Different positions will feel different sexually and stimulate different areas as well. Another great way to spice up your sex life is to check into a hotel for a night or a weekend! It’s a perfect way to get out of the house and away from your responsibilities for something fun and different.

Take just a minute to check out ‘The Sex God Method’: “If You Want to Give Women Screaming Orgasms, This Video May Be The Most Important Video You’ll Ever Watch”

Sex God Method Review – How To Give Her Toe-Curling Orgasms Sooo Intense, She’ll Beg You For More

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 17:20:05 +0000

How do you get better at sex? Is there some tried and true way to improve your sexual stamina, your sexual appeal and your sexual technique? Or does it just happen? So many men ask themselves these same things every day – how can I become a sex god? How can I really, truly please my woman in bed like she’s never been pleased before?

Here are some surprising facts about sex that even the most sexually aware man probably doesn’t know:

Psychological stimulation is the most important factor in sex
Dominance is an important characteristic for a man to have if he is going to succeed during sex
Being a sexual master isn’t about learning new things, it’s about unlearning bad habits
Sex is intensely emotional and it’s impossible to hide our emotions during sex
There is no reason for a woman to be unfaithful if you rock her world every time you have sex
Perfect sexual technique sounds great on paper, but is effectively ineffective in the bedroom

It is absolutely amazing how many men out there are doing exactly the things they shouldn’t be doing if they want to become a master of sex. For example, how often does the polite, respectful man get anything other than plain, vanilla sex? What about the ultra cool, pick up artist that takes home practically every woman he sees? He doesn’t enjoy the sex, he just enjoys the thrill of the hunt.

How many guys have found themselves doing everything right in the bedroom, getting his woman to cum multiple times, having amazing sex and then all of a sudden things start to fizzle? Sex wasn’t the way it was – or it is the same way it was, it’s just not as good anymore. What’s a guy to do?

What if you could become a sex god? What if you could unlearn all of your bad behaviors and learn how to give any woman the most intense and pleasurable sex of her life? You would immediately say YES! Wouldn’t you?

We recently had the opportunity to read an amazing book on this very topic from our good friend Daniel Rose called “The Sex God Method”. To put it bluntly… He just nailed it! This is a must read book for any man – period.

The Sex God Method will teach you what you need to know to rock a woman’s world in bed. It explains everything you’ve been doing wrong, changes your entire perception about sex and teaches you the attitude you need to have if you want to be a sex master. In fact, the Sex God Method is only for men who want a total and complete makeover in the sex department – this book is definitely not for men who want an easy fix.

Here’s just a sneak peek at what the Sex God Method will show you:

The Four Principles of Sex that will turn your world upside down
How to make psychological stimulation override physical stimulation
How emotions in the bedroom can make sex the most powerful you and your partner have ever felt
How to become dominant and manhandle your woman (in a good way) to make her want more
How to tease her the right way
Using variety during sex with your partner to keep sex from getting boring
How to use extended teasing to get your girl to reach the Continuously Orgasmic State
Learn how to be a Shape shifter in bed
Eliminate limiting beliefs that get you nowhere when it comes to great sex

What is so unique about the Sex God Method is that it doesn’t teach you specific techniques that will make your woman cum over and over again, it teaches you how to be the man that makes your woman cum over and over again.

A small word of warning when it comes to the Sex God Method – while it’s theme is that women inherently want to be dominated, society teaches them that this is somehow offensive. Let your girl get hold of this book and you might get into trouble, because while the Sex God Method is revolutionary, it can easily be misconstrued by someone not in the right mindset.

Also, if you use the DEVI method taught in this book, your partner IS very likely going to become addicted to sex. She’s liable to to become absolutely addicted to your sex like a drug, and she’s going to want her fix every time you turn around. Employ the Sex God Method only if you’re willing and ready to give your sex life a complete overhaul.

“Completely original sex advice that is revolutionary and counter-intuitive. Definitely a must read for all men.” -Maxim

So if you’re ready to become a complete sex god and have your woman cumming all over you again and again, download the Sex God Method today. It might just be the best thing that ever changed your sex life.

And be sure to check out the 2 minute video on the Sex God Method website, to find out How To Avoid The Single BIGGEST Mistake Almost All Men Make In Bed.

The Secrets Of True Sexual Confidence (Video)

Melody Brooke — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 14:00:58 +0000

Sexual confidence – or confidence at all, really – is a touchy subject. A lot of people believe they’re sexually confident, but inside they’re incredibly insecure, waiting for someone else validate their standing as a sexual human being. Most women know they’re insecure, but still try to hide it. How do we become truly sexually confident, accepting ourselves for who we are and the sexual human being we are?

Watch this video to find out what TRUE sexual confidence really is…. It’s not what you think! Visit our YouTube page and tell us what you think true sexual confidence is!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Social Influences

Believe it or not, society dictates how we feel about ourselves. Should it be that way? No. Is it that way? Unfortunately, yes. The images in the media, in magazines and in commercials teach us what “sexy” and “beautiful” are and if we don’t look, act or talk in the way that the media depicts as “sexy” and “beautiful,” then we aren’t either. Unfortunately, society’s ideas about what sexy and beautiful are happen to be incredibly narrow. And even more unfortunately, we use this as a standard against which to judge ourselves.

Acceptance From Others

In addition to using society’s ideas of what sexy and beautiful are to measure ourselves, we also wait for someone else to accept us (usually our partners) before we accept and love ourselves. This is incredibly backwards, because often in a relationship, you must love and accept yourself before someone else can fully love and accept you and you can fully love and accept someone else. Looking at yourself through society’s eyes and through your partner’s eyes won’t get you far – instead, you need to look at yourself with your own eyes and find the love and beauty within.

Being Sexually Confident

If you’ve taken a step to love and accept yourself before expecting anyone else to love and accept you, congratulations. But it’s likely that other people in your life are still looking for your acceptance of them before they start loving and accepting themselves. Are you giving your partner the love and acceptance they want and need? If not, start! Talk to your partner about where you’re at in the relationship, and what you need to be in the relationship. Have open and honest communication with your partner of where you stand, so you can be loved and accepted for who you are.

It takes a lot to shed the human need to be validated by society, but it’s something each and every one of us must do in order to start seeing ourselves in a realistic light. Society’s ideas about what is beautiful and sexy are skewed, and we need to learn to see ourselves as sexy and beautiful for who we are – because sexy is who you are. Make that scary jump right now and decide that you’re not going to be worried about whether society says you’re too fat or too thin, not pretty enough or not sexy enough. Accept yourself for who you are and learn to be sexy in your own skin. Love and accept yourself before expecting anyone else to love and accept you, and you’ll feel, look and be sexually confident.

Have Better Sex In One Easy Step (Video)

Melody Brooke — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 13:00:51 +0000

If you’re looking to improve your sex life, you’re not the only one. Lots of married and unmarried couples of all cultures, religions and orientations want to improve their sex lives with their partner. There’s so much information on the Internet now, that it can be hard to find your way around sex tips, sex advice and what you should do if you want to have better sex with your partner. But we have it all right here – how to have better sex in just one easy step!

We all want better sex – right? Watch this video to discover the biggest problem that almost all couples have in their sex lives – and then learn how to fix it! Visit www.ThisIsGreatSex.com for more information on how to have better sex with your partner!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Talking To Your Partner About Sex

It sounds simple enough – have better sex by talking to your partner about what you like and don’t like in bed. Also, listen to your partner when they talk to you about what they do and don’t like in bed. Sounds easy, right? Not hardly! It’s simple, yes. But easy? Of course not. Why is it so hard to talk to our partners about sex? When we want to let them know we’d rather them go a little to the left, or let them know what they’re doing feels fantastic, we clam up and don’t say anything! Our partners (and ourselves on the flip side of the coin) have no idea if what they’re doing feels good or not, and we’re pretty much in the dark. But talking to your partner about sex is one of the most important ways to make sex better for both you and your partner!

Why You’re Afraid

Many people are afraid to talk to their partners about sex because they’re afraid of rejection. If they communicate to their partners what they want in bed, such as a fantasy acted out or trying out a new position, they’re afraid they’ll be judged or rejected by their partners. Out of self protection and self preservation of our own feelings, we subconciously choose not to share with our partners what we really want in bed, because we’re afraid they’ll judge us and reject us for it.

Another reason you might be afraid to let your partner let you know what they want in bed is that you’ll be expected to perform. What if you don’t do it right? What if they want you to do something you’re uncomfortable with? You run the risk, again, of being judged and rejected. So how do you get past this block of fear so you can finally communicate with your partner about sex and start to have better sex right away?

Do Unto Others What Others Should Do Unto You

First, stop worrying so much about yourself. Focus more on your partner, and let the rest come. Give your partner the 100% judge and rejection free freedom to talk to you about sex. Let them know that they are completely free to say what they would like to say to you about sex, and make sure they know that if they give you any feedback that it is completely welcome. Encourage your partner to talk to you about sex, listen and don’t be critical when they do. Let your partner know that it is ok to talk to you about sex. Soon, your partner will allow you to be free to talk to them about sex, and you will soon have fluid, back and forth communication about sex that will make sex fun and fulfilling for both of you.

Communicating In The Moment

Communicating “in the moment” is difficult – how do you let your partner know that something they are doing feels great, or doesn’t feel very good at all? The answer to this question is quite simple – if your partner is doing something that feels fantastic, be verbal! Make noises, show pleasure with your body and vocally as well. If your partner isn’t really revving you up at all, you don’t have to do or say anything! When they change to something that is working for you, make sure they know it! Also, if you fake an orgasm, you’re only hurting yourself. Your partner will assume that what gave you the “orgasm” will work the next time and the next time, and the only thing you’ve done by faking an orgasm is teach your partner how not to please you.

Be A Better Lover: How To Make Your Girlfriend Orgasm During Sex

Lee Jenkins, author Female Orgasm Black Book — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 19:17:49 +0000

If you’re in an intimate relationship with a woman, the one skill that you definitely should have is being a great lover. Sure, relationships are not merely based on sex – but the intimacy that you have does play a big part in how well you get along with each other, in and out of the bedroom.

So what does it take to be a better lover? Should you always sacrifice your own pleasure in order to give her a toe curling orgasm that she’s not bound to forget anytime soon? If she’s the type of a woman who’s wild or experimental in bed, how can you keep up and make sure that your skills as a lover will match hers? On the other hand, if she’s a bit timid – how can you make her open up so that you’ll have a better sex life overall?

Read on to find out exactly how you can be a better lover and learn about the techniques that will make your girlfriend orgasm during sex.

Understanding What Makes Women Orgasm In The First Place

The first thing that you need to learn about in order to be a better lover in your girlfriend’s eyes is to understand what makes women orgasm in the first place. Some women are lucky to have the ability to experience multiple orgasms. However, there are some who have difficulties achieving orgasm even once in their life.

Let’s say that it is your first time to have sex with a woman whom you plan building a long-term relationship with. Don’t get frustrated if you fail to give her the orgasm of her life the first time that you tangle the sheets together. Sometimes, there should be a deeper level of connection first between a man and a woman for the sex to be described as mind blowing.

To get a head start in playing the role of a great lover who’s capable of giving his girlfriend multiple orgasms, here are a few basic things that you need to master:

1. Learn about the art of foreplay.

There’s no doubt that a ‘quickie’ is a fun and exciting to have sex – but having a long winded foreplay is equally important and extremely pleasurable for most women. This is especially true for women who have problems producing natural lubrication in their vaginas prior to intercourse. When you indulge in a long, luxurious foreplay, you will be able to show your girlfriend just how important it is for you to give her pleasure.

2. Learn about what turns her on.

Put her at ease, give her time to adjust to you and learn what turns her on. To be a masterful lover, you need to be attuned to a woman’s sexual needs and learning about what turns her on sexually is a great way to start.

At the end of the day, what it all boils down to is that as a lover, men should be sensitive enough to learn about a woman’s sexual needs instead of always taking their own pleasure into account first.

Tips On How To Make Your Girlfriend Orgasm During Sex

Now, whether your girlfriend is a cool cucumber or a hot performer in bed, there are techniques that you can learn in order to make her orgasm during sex. For this, it helps to go back to the basics and learn what the role of the clitoris is to a woman’s sexual pleasure.

For the most part, women have trouble reaching orgasm through penetration alone. If you want to give her that toe curling sensation during intercourse, then you can add some clitoral stimulation just when you’re on the verge of reaching climax yourself. Or you can encourage her to stimulate her clitoris. Not only is the image of her pleasuring herself extremely erotic for the both of you, but it is also bound to help her orgasm during intercourse.

Another important skill in bed that you should be good at is cunnilingus. Again, a lot of women fail to orgasm during penetration and this is when oral sex comes into play. Once you master the art of giving her some oral love, you’re bound to give her multiple orgasms no matter how many hours that you spend in bed.

One other thing that you can try is to experiment with different positions so that your girlfriend can reach orgasm during sex. Try doing the side-by-side position while she makes a circular motion with her vagina while your penis is fully inside her. Utter words of encouragement so that she can rub her clitoris against your erection or move her pelvis in a way that feels good for her.

All in all, sex should be an extremely pleasurable experience for the both of you – and once you have mastered the art of making your girlfriend orgasm during intercourse, your sex life will surely soar to great heights.

Take just a minute to check out ‘The Female Orgasm Black Book’: “How To Give Her Mind Numbing, Leg Shaking Orgasms”

The Secret Cure For A Dwindling Sex Life

Melody Brooke — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 15:48:50 +0000

One Christmas a girlfriend of mine handed out packages to our little group of friends. One by one my friends opened their packages containing beautiful flannel pajamas from Neiman’s with high-healed shoes all over them.

But my package didn’t contain pajamas. Mine contained a book and some toiletries. Embarrassed, my friend said, “Well, I know you sleep naked, so I had to think of something else!” I just laughed.

This particular woman has had marital difficulties as long as I have known her. Somehow she and her husband managed to have a child; I don’t really know how they did I considering they almost never have sex. The other women have modest sex lives, I’m sure.

Sleeping naked has many rewards

What I know for sure is that they don’t have as rewarding and active a sex life as they could if they are wearing pajamas to bed!

Wearing your birthday suit to bed offers many rewards. Not the least of which is that it makes sex a lot more likely to happen. Here is my list of the advantages of sleeping naked with your partner:

Increased oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone released with skin-to-skin contact. Touching skin-to-skin from head to toe all night long provides us with a steady stream of this beneficial hormone. Some of the benefits of oxytocin are: increased sense of well-being; decreased heart rate; and reduction of stress hormones, increased sense of trust, and…. Drum roll…. Sexual arousal!
Getting into “the mood” for sex is hard for women. We tend to stay in our heads and worry about being tired, or that the kids will hear, or whatever we are stressing about that day. This does not put us in the mood for sexual contact; in fact it tends to make us feel more alone and isolated. Many women will simply answer “Not tonight, dear” if asked if they want to have sex just because they have too much going on in their heads. Getting skin-to-skin stimulates sexual feelings no matter whom you are or what is going on in your head.
One of the strongest detriments for having sex is a sense of disconnect between the couple. When we feel disconnected from our partner, we lose a sense of desire for them. This is why good communication that involves respect and empathy helps us to feel more sexual toward each other. Sleep naked breaks down those psychological barriers.
Sleeping skin-to-skin increases our sense of bonding. Think about it, when you are first dating you can’t keep your hands off each other can you? When you have a baby you can’t keep your hands off of them either. Bonding increases with skin-to-skin contact.

You will have sex more often. Being close and naked makes it a lot easier to move into being sexual together.

Before you protest too much…

…

Great Sex Begins With A Sensual Massage

Lee Jenkins, author Female Orgasm Black Book — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 14:20:54 +0000

With today’s hectic and fast-paced world, it’s not a surprise that a lot of people don’t have great sex.

Everyone’s just too tired!

So how do you ensure that you and your partner are on your way to great sex without being discouraged by ‘all the work’ that lay ahead to ensure it? Indulge in a sexual massage.

A Sexual Massage Paves the Way for Great Sex

A sexual massage puts you and your partner in the perfect mood for a long night of great sex. Think about it. You’re not just jumping on each other, and subconsciously telling yourselves to ‘hurry up’ and get it over with.

A sexual massage actually tells your mind and body to RELAX; but because it’s a sexual massage, you can bet sexual tension will be there, making for a night of great sex after all!

Bathroom or bedroom?

Decide if you want to carry out the sexual massage while having a long, luxurious, warm soak in the tub or in your bedroom. Either way, just make sure you have the ambiance right.

In the bathroom, make sure candles are lighted and scent oils are burning.If you’re joining your partner in the tub, make sure everything is within your reach. And if you’re planning a long session, a bottle of wine and a few food items (cheese, crackers, etc.) are fine too.

If you’re having the sexual massage in the bedroom, then make sure you’ve cleaned the room and allotted a space for the massage. If you’re worried about staining your bed sheets, you can put another type of fabric over your bed. You can also just put thick blankets and throw a couple of pillows on the floor. Candles, music and scented oils should complete the look.

How To Give A Sexual Massage

Use your fingertips

Here’s a sexual massage technique using your fingertips: straddle your partner’s thighs. Rub warm massage oil on your hands and massage your partner’s back with long, soothing strokes. Don’t put your hand flat on his/her back. Just use your fingertips and ‘rake’ his/her back. Alternate your strokes. Apply hard pressure, and then light ones.

Use your palms

Without skipping a beat, massage his/her back using the whole width of your hand. This firmer technique helps the body relax. Remember to NOT massage ‘bony areas’. Place the palms of both your hands on his/her back and move them in circles, firmly outward and away from her spine.

Use your hot breath

Now it’s time to up the sexual tension in the room. Put some warm massage oil on your upper body. Put your arms on either side of your partner’s body (he/she should be lying face down) and then slowly lower yourself till your covering his/her body. Try to envelope his/her body as much as possible with yours. Now start to glide your body over his/hers… and if you get carried away now and proceed to having a long night of great sex, then so be it!

Take just a minute to check out ‘The Female Orgasm Black Book’: “How To Give Her Mind Numbing, Leg Shaking Orgasms”

How Your Actions Outside The Bedroom Can Make or Break Your Sex Life

Melody Brooke — Sat, 26 Jan 2008 14:53:05 +0000

I have a little experience with bad sex. I’ve been married three times. This last one took. To tell you the truth my first two husbands would say my current husband was lying if he told them how often and how amazing our sex life is.

Honestly, I have been one of those fortunate women who have always enjoyed good sex. That doesn’t mean I have always said “Yes!” to it when my first husbands wanted me to do so.

Sex happens, not so much in our bodies, as in our minds. Before we can find someone sexy there are a number of things that have to happen in our brain. First of all, the prospect has to fit the patterns our unconscious set into place before we were six years old. Those patterns are based on our experiences as a young person with our caregivers. For some of us, that is a good thing and we meet up with really wonderful partners.

But for most of us this unconscious pattern locked into our brain is not necessarily in our best interest in the long run.

How It Works

My first husband was really smart, something I consciously found very appealing. But he also had some wounds of his own that resulted in his attempting to overpower me with his yelling and demands. This, it turns out (after much therapy), is how my grandmother acted toward most everyone in her household. I happened to be in her household much of my life prior to the age of six. Yelling and demanding behavior have an unwanted side effect on a persons sex life. It didn’t take long for this behavior to become a major turn off for me.

What transpired is that my survival instincts kicked in (this is a brain function, by the way) and I would freeze up in his presence after a while. My whole body went into shut down and the last thing I wanted was to jump into the sack with him. My brain made the decision for me.

My second husband appealed to me consciously because he was handsome and an entrepreneur like my Dad. The unconscious appeal turned out to be that, because of his wounds, he would totally neglect me and ignore my needs the way my father did. My resentment built up over time and there is no way I would choose to have sex him. My brain kicked into survival with him simply because it seemed to me that he was not someone safe in that he did not have my best interests at heart: only his.

It’s All in Your Head

Our brains dictate our behavior much more than we consciously realize. We can feel an unconscious pull toward someone and think this means we want to be sexual with them; this is why we will be so attracted to “bad girls” or “bad boys”. They appeal to the part of us that was hurt and neglected as a kid and it matches up like a lock and key with our unconscious memories of before we were six. We are wired to want the kind of relationship we had with our caregivers. I don’t know about you, but this was not a good thing for me!

So what if you find yourself already hooked up with someone whom your brain is now telling you to retreat from rather than gravitate toward sex with? Well, you have to make some choices with the more rational part of your brain. Is this someone with whom you want to make a life with? If so then you have to figure out how to change the dynamic that is making you not want to have sex with them.

Talk, talk, talk

First of all you need to open a discussion with this person about the things making you feel threatened or shut down. This, of course, is not an easy discussion to have with them because they will immediately feel threatened just by bringing up the idea of your having a problem with them.

So, you have to start with telling them how much you love them and want to work things out. Secondly, begin to talk about your feelings as being about you and your history, not about them being “bad” or “wrong” for behaving the way they do. After all, they act the way they do because of their history and family culture.

When you can open a discussion about how their behavior outside the bedroom is affecting your desire for good sex, then there is hope for things to change. Most of the time, if you want more sex, chances are, they do, too.

If your partner doesn’t want more sex, then you can be certain there is something in your behavior that has triggered an unwanted fear or shutting down response from them. The solution to the problem is to talk about what it is your partner needs to feel safe with you again. Find out what you are doing and see if it is something you can consciously choose to change. Get help and support if you need to, to change those behaviors. A relationship coach or therapist could be the key.

To learn more about Melody Brooke, visit OhWowThisChangesEverything.com.

Touch – It’s More Than Sex

Melody Brooke — Fri, 11 May 2007 16:45:59 +0000

Every wonder why a man gets instantly excited by the slightest little touch?

The reasons behind his reaction may not be as simple as assuming that he’s just over-sexed. It may go much, much deeper…

We all associate different emotions (good and bad) with different types of touching such as holding hands, hugging, getting a massage, and kissing. Some of these emotions can be very powerful and have a significant impact on how we relate to others.

Read this great article from featured author Melody Brooke to find out why the way we touch one another is extremely important to a happy and secure relationship.

Touch – It’s More Than Sex

by Melody Brooke, MA, LPC, LMFT

For many men, the opportunity to be touched, even casually by a woman is arousing. And, no, it’s not because men are different than women innately. This is because boys are often raised with little physical nurturance. Some men are so touch deprived that they shut off the awareness of the need for it entirely. As a result they appear cold, distant and emotionally unavailable. They have little understanding of why a woman wants to be touched or cuddled. It completely baffles them.

Many cultures within the larger American culture work to toughen up boys and assume that cuddling, hugging and kissing boys makes “Mama’s boys” or “Sissies” out of them. This creates an environment in which our male children are raised without physical touch. Yet we know, from years of research that touch is a basic need. Babies deprived of touch do not survive; they will quit eating and die. While men, even 5 or 6 year old boys are not infants, they, like all of us have a basic need to be held, to be touched, and otherwise physically nurtured. This need for touch can be hidden away for years, until perhaps in their early teens, a girl steals a kiss or holds his hands. Suddenly he finds himself aroused and from that moment on, associates touch with sex.

Then these poor guys get accused of being hyper sexual because the need for touch, which has been repressed for years, suddenly emerges as sexual desire. The hormone oxytocin carries messages of bonding, safety, overall well being and of love to our brains and to our bodies. It also increases sexual arousal. This hormone is released when there is any type of skin-to-skin contact. This generally happens at the same time as the developmental hormonal changes of adolescence, further complicating matters. From the male perspective then, touch=sex.

Every touch experienced carries a different electrochemical message to the brain. Even small, very light touches can create tremendous brain activity. When you expanded to hugging, the response is magnified many times because it brings with it memories of previous experiences (or lack thereof) and the attached emotional meaning. (Welch, 1988) When a person is upset or stressed, taking their hand usually produces a soothing effect, reducing anxiety, and generating a feeling of greater security as the oxytocin is released.

Couples observed touching affectionately test as being more securely attached and having a more satisfying sex life. If you are unhappy with the amount of sexual activity with your partner, notice what happens when you become more affectionate in general with each other. Increasing overall affectionate behaviors can have a positive effect on each of you individually, as well as increasing the amount of sexual activity between you…