My girlfriend and I have an amazing relationship. Our communication is great! We’re totally open and honest about everything. She kind of dropped a bomb . She feels like a guy in a girl’s body. She’s talking about becoming flat chested, and actually having the surgery. I have no idea how to deal with this. What should I do? I really need some relationship advice!

–YouTube Viewer

What should you do? Besides run for the hills?

Seriously though, this is a simple question with no simple answer. This is super complex. The real question is: is this the relationship you want? If yes or no, the answer’s totally okay. If you’re not into this, it doesn’t make you a bad person.

Ask Yourself Some Questions First

This is one of those things to REALLY think through before you do or say anything about it. Seek relationship advice from trusted people, but also really dig deep within yourself. Is she serious? Is it a joke? Has she been dropping “manly” hints? Is this just a way for her to express her dominant, more masculine side? Maybe this is something a little strap on play could cure? Would that scratch her itch? We all have masculine and feminine elements to our personality, regardless of our gender.

It’s a yin and yang sort of thing. Maybe her yang or her yin are out of whack and she needs to get them balanced. If so, we have two words for you: strap on. And no, it doesn’t make you gay if you left your girlfriend have anal sex with you via a strap on. But it will make you sore for a few days (at least the first time) so be sure to use lots and lots of lube.

A lot of people say things, but does that mean they’re going to do it? Usually no. So just because she said this to you, doesn’t mean you necessarily have anything to worry about. At least not yet. There’s really only one way and one way alone to find out for sure.

Talking To Her

Don’t be critical, be honest and open. If you’re not interested in being in that relationship, say so. This is a pretty serious and profound issue and not everyone is going to be okay with their partner changing genders on them. Have an open and honest conversation about this, one free of judgement or labels or anything that could ruffle feathers or rub either party the wrong way. Discussing any issue with your partner open and honestly without criticism is probably the best relationship advice you’re ever going to get.

What do you do? Nothing. Wait and see. Find out if she’s serious. If she is, you’ll know. Most people talk and talk and talk and talk about doing things, but few people ever actually do them. How many overweight people do you know who talk about losing weight in January who are actually slimmer in December? Not that many.

Most people are all talk and no action when it comes to losing weight and that doesn’t involve surgery to their genitals! Imagine what the completion rate is on people who talk about sex changes versus the people who actually go through with it? It’s probably really, really super small. So you can most likely breathe easy.

If She Really Wants To Do It

If she continues to talk about this subject and continues to express interest in a sex change, it’s not going to be so easy to brush it off. If you come to a point through conversations with her, listening to her and observing her behavior that you believe she’s really serious about it, it’s time for you to sit down and think seriously about it.

Think about whether you are okay with this – and it’s perfectly fine if you’re not. It’s also perfectly fine if you are. Really sit down and think about what YOU want and how YOUR life will be affected by this. Disregard any thoughts that come up about how other people (like your family and friends) may react to this. that should not weigh in your decision at ALL. You may surprise yourself on how you feel about it. Then again, you might not.

If you decide to move on from this relationship, don’t give yourself a hard time. A lot of guys would. Explain to her the truth without criticism and after the break up, wish her well on her journey of self discovery. If you decide to be with her, then fine. Just don’t throw it up in her (or his) face later. Accept it or don’t – there’s not really a grey area here.

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Question: How do I tell my parents I’m bisexual without getting a reaction like “Oh, it’s just a phase” or “You’re just being eccentric?”

–YouTube Viewer

Should You Tell Your Parents?

A lot of people feel like they should tell their parents about their sexual orientation as soon as they discover it. If you realize that you’re gay or bisexual, should you tell your parents right away? Perhaps not – give yourself some time to absorb this yourself first and get to know yourself on this new level. It’s up to you when you tell your parents or even if you tell them at all, but it’s important to know that there’s no rush. If you’re planning on bringing someone home, or you feel more comfortable being very openly gay or bisexual, it’s best that your parents aren’t surprised or that they don’t hear it from someone else. In this case, it’s important to talk to them as soon as possible so they can hear it straight from you.

Telling Your Parents

When you tell your parents about your sexual orientation, it’s essential that you be honest and sincere. Don’t be vulgar and keep it simple. You don’t have to have a sit down talk, but make sure you and your parents aren’t out at dinner or in a place where it might become uncomfortable. Be calm and confident when you talk to your parents, which will be easier if you’ve given yourself time to absorb your sexuality. If you’re still unsure of your sexual orientation yourself, you’re going to appear unsure to your parents too. You might get questions from your parents and you need to be prepared to answer them with concise, honest and confident answers.

Their Reaction

It’s impossible to know what your parent’s reaction will be until you actually tell them. You might suspect that they’ll become angry or simply dismiss you as going through “a phase,” but you won’t know for sure. When you tell your parents that you’re bisexual or gay, respect their reaction. It might not be the reaction you want or even the reaction you thought they’d have, but you can’t force them to feel the same way about your sexuality as you do. If your parents suggest you’ll “grow out of it,” simply give it time. Be true to yourself and your parents will soon see that your sexual orientation isn’t just a passing phase and that it is part of who you are. They’ll have to choose either to accept you as you are or not, and unfortunately, you can’t do anything to influence that decision. So just focus on being yourself and learning to be comfortable in your own skin.

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She’s attracted to girls, he thinks it’s great – but how can she share a fun, exciting sexual experience with her husband while still staying safe and without upping the ante in their sexual relationship at home?

Opening Pandora’s Box

It’s a legitimate fear – she wants to share her attraction to girls with her husband, but she’s afraid she and her husband won’t be able to have regular sex again if they have a threesome. It’s his ultimate fantasy – so if she does it once, how can she ever live up to that again? It’s a fear that a lot of girls have and it’s one that keeps many of them from experimenting in the bedroom. Whether they’re afraid of opening the theoretical Pandora’s Box, or they’re jealous of their man with other women, many guys don’t get to have threesomes with their partners not because their partner isn’t into women, but because their partner is scared of the consequences.

Making It A Reality

If you decide that you want to try to share your attraction to women with your husband, take it one step at a time. There’s no need to dive right in with a straight-up, kinky threesome. Start by talking about girls first. Watch some videos with girls in it together, and try to meet some girls. See what it’s like to flirt and interact with other women. Does it make you uncomfortable? Does it make you jealous at all? If you find yourself uncomfortable at any time, it’s important that you recognize it as a sign to stop from moving forward. Don’t go too far too fast, because you might not be able to go back. Take your time and explore different things with your partner that involve women. You may find something that you like that doesn’t involve a threesome at all.

All Or Nothing?

Having interactions with other couples and other women isn’t all or nothing. When it comes to “swinging,” some couples simply get together and flirt, with a little light play. Some couples just watch each other get it on, while others go all the way and swap partners, share each other and do pretty much everything. Some couples just let the girls play. It depends on what you’re comfortable with, and you’re not expected to do everything all at once. The biggest reason that playing with other couples can fail is if you fail to communicate – so talk to your husband, listen to your husband, talk to the people you’re interested in interacting with and make sure that everyone is absolutely on the same page about everything.

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Is it OK to explore my sexuality – like being bisexual? Or does that make me gay?? What should I do?

Right Vs. Wrong

To answer the question – is it wrong to be bisexual or is it wrong to experiment with your sexuality – you must first decide what “right” and “wrong” really are. Technically, outside of religious context or outside of your own moral constitutes, there is no right or wrong anything when it comes to sex. Since the dawn of time, humans have done everything that is sexual, because essentially, humans are sexual beings. Only in more recent decades have society and religions began to dictate what we should or shouldn’t do sexually. So answer this question for yourself – what does my religion say about being bisexual or exploring my sexuality? What do my own personal morals say about it? If your own beliefs allow you to explore sex with different people, feel free to experiment sexually.

Sexual Orientation

If you’re experimenting with your sexuality and are having sex with people of your same sex as well as people of the opposite sex, you may be wondering if you’re technically bisexual or even gay. Exploring your sexuality, however, doesn’t require the use of a label at all. Most people experiment sexually at a young age, including in their late teens and early twenties. Most people have settled down in their sexuality at about 26 or so years old. So if you’re younger than that, don’t stress too much about what your sexual orientation is – it doesn’t have to be anything right now! If you truly feel that you might be one sexual orientation or another, think about which gender you think about when you have sex or even masturbate. Regardless of who you go to bed with physically, if you’re always thinking about one gender or another while having sex, you’re likely sexually inclined towards that particular gender. If it’s an even mix, you might not be ready to settle down yet.

Being Safe

If you’re exploring your sexuality, it’s important that you be safe and informed. Regardless of which gender you’re having sex with, you can still transmit sexually transmitted diseases and infections, as well as become pregnant or get another woman pregnant in some instances. Take the time to educate yourself about sex with both genders so you know what activities can transmit STD’s and how you can protect yourself. Many people think about having safer sex when they’re having sex with the opposite gender, but often sex with the same gender gets overlooked when it comes to protecting yourself. Don’t risk it – get in the know about STD’s and pregnancy no matter what gender you are and no matter which gender you prefer to have sex with. You’re worth it!

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However, once you’ve accepted yourself, there comes a time that you want your friends and family to accept you as well. Should you tell your parents that you’re gay?

Unfortunately, it’s not necessarily and easy “yes” or “no” answer.

I’m gay! Should I tell my parents? If so, how? When?

Take A Look At Your Family’s Background

Were you raised in a very strict, religious family? Were your parents raised in a very strict, religious family? What kind of values does your family hold? Take a look at other things that society has accepted and really look at how your family has reacted to that.

Do you have parents or grandparents that are still prejudiced against races other than their own? Do any of your family members still hold outdated beliefs about women and their place in society?

Do you have any friends that are gay or do your parents come into contact with gay people in their daily lives? How do they react to these people?

Really examine your family and feel out how they’ve judged similar situations that have caused society to change its beliefs as a whole. Have your parents changed with the times or do they still hold old fashioned beliefs? Do they hold strict religious beliefs?

Taking a hard look at how they’ve judged similar situations will help you determine whether or not its best to tell you’re parents that you’re gay at this time in your life.

When To Tell

Telling your parents that you’re gay might not be best when you’re young.

Your parents may react very strongly to the news, whether they’ve suspected it or not, and you need to make sure you have a solid support system of friends, a home, a job and anything else you might need to get you through a tough time should your parents decide this is not news they’re willing to accept.

It can be incredibly painful when parents decide they’re not ready to accept a child being gay, and its important that you take steps to make sure you’ll be okay should that happen. Waiting until you’re older may be a wise decision.

Other Things To Consider

It’s also important to take into account how you feel about the situation. Is it very important that you tell your parents how you feel about your sexual orientation? If telling your parents is a very big deal to you, it may be worth it to go ahead and tell them regardless of how they might react to the news.

Remember that if your family members should decide that they’re not able to accept the fact that you’re gay right now, they most likely will warm up to it in the future. They may never be in favor of you being gay, but they will most likely come to a point where they accept you for who you are because they love you.

Keep in mind that your parents raised you. They may already suspect that you’re gay whether you’ve said anything or not.

If they’ve been asking whether you’re gay or not, it may mean that they are already suspicious of it or that they’re ready to know. Take some time to decide if telling them is the right thing for you, and if you decide not to tell them now, you can certainly do it later when the timing feels right to you.

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Less mentioned, however, is the threesome where there is one woman and two men. What causes a two man-one woman threesome to be much more taboo?

So what’s wrong with an MMF Threesome – one girl and two guys?

The Human Condition

It’s natural for humans to be curious about sex in a variety of different forms. Whether it’s oral sex, anal sex or even sex with someone of the same gender, these are all things that pique the curiosity and interest of a human being.

Men, however, are socially raised to believe that it is not acceptable to be submissive in any way. They’re taught to be macho.

Also socially ingrained into men and all people actually, is that when two people come together, one must be submissive and the other dominant.

This is something that is seen with all mammals and it’s only natural for humans. Understanding why two men being together sexually is considered more taboo than two women being together sexually takes an understanding of the human condition.

If men are taught to never be submissive and when two people are together, one of them must be submissive, if two men are together one of them must become submissive.

Socially, this is unacceptable, yet this is something that is not projected on women. It seems perfectly natural and even erotic for two women to be together sexually and fuels a number of male fantasies.

Exploring Homosexuality

Every person has at least one fleeting thought about sex with someone of the same gender. It’s totally normal! However, because of the mindset that society has placed on people, men having even a fleeting homosexual thought is considered not normal.

Were a man to express this to someone, they would automatically assume that he is gay as opposed to assuming that he is human. Watching two women be together sexually allows a man to explore two people of the same gender being together sexually without being criticized in any way.

Perks of Same Sex Partners

Without having to worry about pregnancy in a sexual relationship, sex between two people of the same gender allows for more enjoyment and freedom.

Another factor that plays into the fact that men enjoy watching two women be together sexually is that women are traditionally more sensual. They tend to take sex and sexual pleasure slower, allowing a man to really watch and enjoy their pleasure.

A threesome with two men and one woman is perfectly normal and actually happens more than one would think. It’s normal and healthy for a person to want to explore all avenues and aspects of sexuality, whether that’s through masturbation, traditional heterosexual intercourse, oral sex, anal sex or sex with someone of your own gender.

It helps, however, to have an understanding of the societal pressures that make some sexual activities more or less taboo than another, so you can begin to understand that most sexual desires, thoughts and actions are normal and are simply part of the human condition.

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If you’re there looking for a date, it can sometimes be hard to figure out if a girl likes you, or is even interested in you. For all you know, she could be gay or bisexual.

If you’re at a strip club, it can be even harder to figure out if the stripper herself is interested in going out with you or not. How can you tell?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m very good when it comes to knowing someone’s strengths and weakness, at work, playing sports, habits, tendencies and what not. But when it comes to meeting women it’s a different story. Like if I went to club.

How do I know which women are straight, bisexual, lesbian?  What are some of the signs? Women walking around in a club and you see them pass by several times, is it their way of checking you out?

And what are your thoughts on dating strippers? Is there away I can incorporate scouting into meeting women?

- Brian, Okla.

Getting To Know A Girl’s Body Language

If a girl likes you, she will generally have certain body language. She may lean into you when she talks to you, or she may have her eyes totally focused on you when you’re talking. It’s not limited to that though. There are thousands of different ways that a girl can show you that she’s interested in you, without even saying a word!

At first, she may make eye contact with you across the crowded club. Does she hold that eye contact or look away? Is she walking by you a lot on purpose, or is she just going to the restroom? If you open your eyes and take a hard look at a girl’s body language, it’s pretty obvious whether she’s into you or not. If not, move on! There might be another girl around who is trying to make you notice her!

Gay, Straight, Bisexual?

When looking for a date in a club, or another place, how can you tell if a girl is gay, straight or even bisexual?  Here’s some news – you really can’t. Nobody really wears a sign on themselves proclaiming their sexual orientation, but in some ways it’s obvious. Take a look at the girl and watch her for a few minutes from afar to get a feel for what she’s like.

You might be able to tell right away. If not, just see if she’s interested in you. Ask her out! If she says no, take heart and move on. It could be because she’s gay, or bisexual. It could be because she just broke up with her boyfriend or lost her job. In dating, there’s no way to instantly tell if someone is available or not. You just have to test the waters and see.

At A Strip Club

Many men visit strip clubs to get a good show, but some visit strip clubs as a replacement for a relationship. If you’ve ever dreamed of getting romantically involved with a stripper – or thought a stripper might want to be romantically involved with you – you are probably one of the latter people.  Just a quick note on that.

Strippers generally will show tons of interest in you when you have a few dollar bills in your hand. It’s their job, and it’s how they pay their rent. If a stripper gives you lots of attention while she’s performing and you’re paying, take it with a grain of salt.

However, if she approaches you off the clock or seems interested in you in other ways, feel free to ask her out. There’s nothing wrong with dating a stripper if she really likes you. It might be a good idea, however, not to put all your eggs in one basket. Get out and go to other clubs where you can meet other girls as well.

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Most men love the idea of seeing their woman have sex with another woman while they watch, or the idea of having two women have sex with him at the same time.

But threesome fantasies don’t stop there…

There are also men out there, who love the idea of watching their woman have sex with another man.

Here’s an interesting question.  If a man enjoys the idea of watching his woman have sex with another man, does this make him gay?

Here’s a question from Michael whose fantasies have him wondering about his sexuality.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My girlfriend and I have talked jokingly about threesomes in the past. But recently she’s been bringing up the idea more often. I’m worried about what she would want afterwards like if she’d wanna bring home a guy. I don’t know how to respond…

I have entertained the thought of watching her have sex with another man while I watch. Would that make me gay to enjoy watching it? Also, I had more homo erotic thoughts but haven’t gotten hard around a guy that’s straight.

Am I just curious, confused or bi?

– Michael, Massachusetts

Does This Mean I’m Gay?

We’re all sexual beings. We all have a unique ideas and fantasies, things that turn us on. Don’t get stuck on labels and just consider yourself ‘sexual’. It’s very common, and very exciting for most men, to think of their girlfriend as bi-curious, but most men get a little nervous when they think of a bi-curious boy.

But on that topic… We ran an online dating site for over three years and were very surprised by the large number of bisexual or bi-curious men. It’s not as uncommon as you might like to think.

There’s nothing wrong with being bi-curious, bisexual, or gay. That’s just your sexual preference. The sooner you get in touch with your own sexual preferences and desires, the happier and more fulfilled your sex life will be.

On The Topic Of Threesomes

So the idea of watching your partner with another man or woman that you really excited – and you have talked to one another enough to know that it gets your partner excited as well…

Here three tips to help make your first threesome more successful:

1. Talk About It

Before you and your partner set out to act out your fantasies of having a threesome, it’s critical that you both talk about it and understand why you want to do it. It’s also important to talk about what kind of threesome you are interested in.

Do you want to see your girlfriend with another woman, or perhaps another man. Do you want to see your boyfriend with another woman or another man. Do you both want to be intimately involved, or you prefer to just watch.

It’s also important to talk about who this third person will be. Will it be a close friend?  Will it be a stranger? Do you want to be friends with him or her afterword are you just looking for one night stand? What should his or her age be? What should they look like?

It’s important to talk about the details up front so that you don’t end up fighting over something silly halfway down the road…

2. Set Boundaries And Stick To Them

Boundaries…

This is an important one that many people overlook. Before your first threesome, and your second, and your third, talk about what’s OK and what’s not. Where is your comfort zone? Where is your partners comfort zone? Are there any actions that are forbidden?

It’s a worthwhile exercise to actually take the time to write down what is OK and one is not. We have some good friends who jokingly refer to their first list… it must’ve been 100 items long. You can do this.  You can’t do that.  This is OK.  That’s not. — Now they have just two runs a list away. That works for them. Your list may get longer. The important thing here is that you talk about it and agree on the ground rules before during and after.

3.  Try It And Then Talk About It Some More

Once everyone’s happy and feels COMPLETELY comfortable, go for it. Try it. See how it feels and talk about those feelings. What surprised you? What didn’t? Did the experience go as you expected it? Do you want to do it again?

Hopefully by now you get the point…

Communication is critical in your relationship and even more important when you bring other people into the relationship.

We can’t say it enough… Talk. Talk.  Talk.

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