Break Up Despair – Why You Should NEVER Argue by Phone or Email (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 26 May 2007 20:18:15 +0000

Break ups are never fun for either partner. Actually, they tend to be a horrible emotional experience for at least one, if not both people involved.

This is also made worse by the fact that people break up over some really silly things, like misunderstandings, lies, or even just disapproval and non-acceptance from their family members or friends.

But finding out that you’re now single through an email or by phone is even worse. It’s so cold, so impersonal, so clinical. Would YOU want to hear that you’re now single by phone or email?

Unfortunately, many people go through a long process of deciding whether to stay in a relationship or break up. And when they finally come to that decision to be alone, they don’t want to confront the other person. In a way, many don’t want to deal with the pain they’re afraid their partner will experience.

But is it right to just make that final phone call, or send that final email, and just end it? Not to say that you OWE anyone anything, whether it is to commit to be with that person forever or to break up with them in a certain way or another. You have the right and the option to be with whomever you choose, and to live your life in the way that you choose.

But in your heart, you know that YOU would prefer to hear it in person, don’t you? Would you want to agonize ALONE over the possible reasons why your relationship just ended? When would you truly get closure?

Today’s question is from a man in Maine dealing with this very issue – his girlfriend broke up with him by email and he just can’t seem to find peace.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My girlfriend and I have been going together for 2 years and we were engaged. But she broke up with me almost a month ago by e-mail.

I haven’t seen her since then because I am almost 200 miles away from her working. 3 days before she had sent me the break up e-mail we had spent a week together and everything was great, or so I thought. The only reason she gave me in the e-mail was that she has been relying on other people for 8 years and she wants to be able to be independent on her own and prove to herself that she can. I had tried many times to call her and talk but she won’t answer the phone. I have texted her here and then and she does text back, but only if it’s nothing to do about us.

She also has 2 kids that I love to death. Their fathers aren’t in there lives so they had been calling me daddy the hole time we were together. I don’t want to lose her or the kids.

I just don’t understand why she would want to throw away a 2 great year relationship over something like this. I texted her today and told her I might be up this weekend or next to get my stuff and asked if she would talk to me when I was there. She said sure but she wasn’t going to talk about things that will make this break up more difficult. What does she think I’m going to want to talk about? To me I think I deserve to be able to talk to her face to face about all this. The way she broke it off with me just wasn’t right. Anyone got any advice to how I should approach this when I get there.

– Jason (Maine)

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts - leave a comment below.

He’s STILL Living With His Ex Girlfriend After The Break Up? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 01 May 2007 22:45:01 +0000

New love and previous lovers

New love is wonderful and full of joy, but there’s always that little matter of your new partner’s previous lovers.

We usually file that under "baggage" and hope they’re over those previous relationships, but sometimes those relationships live on in some form.

Letting go and moving on

Imagine dating a guy who still lives with his ex-girlfriend, for, ahem "financial reasons". Now, it’s not that hard to understand that they may have gotten themselves in debt and he can’t afford to move out (and maintain his lifestyle).

Trust… is he really over her?

But it does make you wonder… is he really over her and ready to move on, or is he holding on to the past and hoping to get back together with him.

How can you know for sure if he is really over her? Even if he is over her, how can you be sure that he won’t accidentally give in to an urge on a dark and lonely night when he’s alone at home with her? Can you ever know for sure?

It’s a lot easier to slip up and have an "oops" moment with a previous lover, since you’ve already been intimate and you know each other well. All it takes is a little alcohol and a surge of passion, and you’ve got "slippage"!

Trust in a relationship is very important, but if you put yourself in a position to mess up, eventually you will. So do you demand he moves out from his girlfriend’s place, or can you just trust him to be faithful to only you (and to not get any urges on that dark and stormy night after he’s had one too many glasses of wine)?

Be sure to read the question, then watch the video and leave your thoughts below.

Here’s the full story…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve just started going out with a bloke who classes himself as single but has told me he still lives with his ex girlfriend (if she’s really his ex!). According to him, he still lives with her for financial reasons only, (I guess this means he couldn’t afford a place of his own). He tells me there is no longer a relationship going on between them.

His work mate told me on the quiet that it was genuine what he is telling me, but he agreed himself that it was an odd set up. I can’t bring myself to fully believe his work mate, because if he does know he’s still sleeping with her, he wouldn’t tell me anyway, would he?

Supposing he is telling the truth – how do I know? I don’t want to continue this with the thought that my boyfriend and his work mate are having a laugh behind my back.

- Jen from England

Watch this short video for the answer…