Barf bag, please? Anyone!

This trailer is one of the most disturbing and repulsive thing I ever viewed. I won’t get into the details about the movie; you, the reader, will have to judge for yourself if I’m right or not (that is if you can stomach the first past the first thirty seconds). This assessment of the movie is not from a prude. I’ve enjoyed Kill Bill 1 and 2 (two reasons: great fight scenes and Uma Thurman). I enjoy a healthy dose of violence provided there is a reason for it and it doesn’t come out to blunt me over the head without a purpose. I’ve seen Saw, Nightmare on Elm Street (the original), and most of the Die Hard movies.

Yet, I find it a sad statement in our country (maybe even Western civilization) when male viewers–the main target for such movies–know a thousand and one ways to dismember, destroy, and demolish a human being but these same males couldn’t tell you where the G-spot or the clitoris is located. Sadly sex receives the most protest while Hollywood continues to churn out the most violent material in the world. In the past decade alone, I think I can name on both my hands the number of sexually charged, erotically based feature main stream films. For violent movies, I don’t have enough fingers or toes to count. Where do the writers, directors, and producers find the imagination to create such violent orgasmic visuals to stimulate a generation of young men (and women) to a blood filled climax?

You can look no further than what we saw one time visiting a friend’s house. As we were talking with her I looked over her shoulder to see what her soon to be teen age sons were watching. It was the last 20 minutes of Ninja Assassins playing on the flat screen TV. Every detailed slice, dice and chop was in full view; the blood splattered all over the screen making the viewer part of the action without a slice felt on the skin. It was a bloody gourmet of carnage and mayhem. Then for dessert, the boys treated themselves to a healthy heap of some alien video game on Xbox. Imagine driving on an arid planet nuking Aliens for breakfast. Yum.

Violence Is Ok But Sex Is Not?

Be they creators of the genre or consumers of the material it is still sad we can’t convey or converse about sex, eroticism, or the emotional entanglements of sexuality. There are no video games, and few films, to discuss fully the knowledge these young men and women need regarding their one sexual needs or love for that matter. My generation of the 1980s is guilty of the same crimes as well. We gave the world MTV, Pro-wrestling, and Rambo. Why are we not surprised by the outcome of such a violent streak we see today? It’s as if we’re on some hidden blood lust we all share in a movie theatre with popcorn, soda, and Junior Mints to heighten our experience.

Thanks to technology we can see the blood and gore amplified in 3D right before our eyes. C’mon, you know you want to say it: “It’s as if we are right there in the middle of the action!” Here lies the problem: We will flock to see a fight, but we feel squeamish over two or more adults enjoying an intimate moment. It seems like our ratings board at the Motion Pictures Association of America can turn a blind eye to the blood letting, but God forbid we see any skin or sex. Speaking of the MPAA, has anyone heard of the movie “This Movie Is Not Yet Rated?” I just watched it a bit ago and it is pretty scary how one entity can dictate how the rest of America should watch a movie. One stat from the movie struck me funny: “The MPAA rating board is the only rating system in the world where no one knows who is on it.”

This begs the question “who is watching the watchers?“ Maybe they are afraid of death threats or worse to their reputations. No one knows for sure, but it makes one wonder if they are afraid of a social earthquake will rattle their ivory tower near Hollywood. What alarms me is “they” don’t think that “we” can’t handle “that” because they say so. Sadly the MPAA seems to fit nicely in the movie studios because the movie studios are afraid of the backlash from middle America if a movie shows someone wiping semen from their lips or show oral sex on screen. But we seem to handle a 1,001 ways to kill a person very nicely. If you do get a chance to watch “This Film Is Not Yet Rated” please do, but do it because you want insight to the censorship made on your movie going experience.

Imagine what we’ve lost because filmmakers were forced to change the movie dramatically because the MPAA made the ultimate choice: Either accept the rating we gave you and have no one watch it, or change your movie and ensure a boatload of people to view your work. I think the hippies do have a point the famous catch phrase of the 1960s: “Make love, not war.” Sure would change our society if we had a few more glimpses of sexual freedom and variety and a lot less violent material.

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It’s almost hard to believe that anyone would say that, but in light of this statement, it’s no surprise that in our culture, women are often perceived as victims or prostitutes. So I suppose we’re also responsible for 9/11, the volcanic eruption in Iceland, and global warming, too! How many of you were wearing low-cut shirts the day General Motors went down the drain? It’s all your fault! How about the economic crisis – that was probably caused by that knee-length skirt I was wearing on the day the stock market crashed. All jokes aside, more men than you think believe this nonsense. Look at Sandra Bullock’s husband, Jesse James – he’s a sex addict who claims that his behavior has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with those pesky women who keep leading him astray. It’s amazing how powerful men believe we are, and more to the point, how much power they’re willing to shift onto us, even in situations like natural disasters where blame isn’t necessary.

Behind The Fallacy

If I were Mother Nature, I would find this man, and all other men who sought to cast shame on others, who aimed to blame them for the injustice in the world. I would summon up the most violent storm imaginable, and I would strike these men with lightning, thunder, hurricanes, right in their hearts. My goal would be to cleanse them of this nonsense, and teach them that what goes around, comes around.

If I were an analyst, I would probably find this man to be in a lot of emotional trouble, possibly due to a dysfunctional childhood or some trauma in his youth. His distorted sense of reality has caused him to project his internal feelings of helplessness, thus creating this imaginary threat of women who can cause natural disasters. I would recommend a prolonged stay in a psychiatric hospital.

If I were enlightened, I would do my best to search out the Divine, even in this man. I would recognize his emotional illness, and note his violent separation from his higher self. There once was a monk who was known to wake students’ spirits up with a two-by-four between the eyes – I think that method might work well in this case.

If I had a crystal ball, I would sit this man down and show him the future of Iranian genetic engineering clinics. The clinics would be run by women, who for some strange reason felt it right to make some genetic alterations to man’s anatomy. Penises would be offered only to men who were approved by a sacred council, who had shown themselves as honorable and worthy of respect.

If I were a man, I would feel ashamed to be grouped together with this man, and angry that someone who engages in this sort of humiliation, degradation, and violence is even allowed to call himself a man. I would suggest ways in which this man could be given a taste of his own medicine. Perhaps we could start with a chastity belt, and as for the key, we could give that to the woman who fled Iran because her brother-in-law had burned her sister alive for dressing in a way he found inappropriate.

If I were an Iranian woman living in Iran, I’d probably swear off men forever!

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Sexual Freedom? In America?

For so long we’ve heard these groups (i.e. American Family Forum, Christian Coalition, etc.) from around the country make some of the strongest and strangest pushes for control over sexual freedom in the past thirty years. But in the past few weeks/months, a few key stories came to light cause me to think it is time for the Culture Wars to end. In Texas, a group pushes for clear teaching regarding sexual education; in Alaska, a story from Bristol Palin, daughter of former Republican Vice Presidential nominee Gov. Sarah Palin; then comes an article from the Journal of Economic Perspectives, a study which shows who are the biggest consumers of adult material. (Hint: They might be in your pews.)

First let’s go to a recent study regarding the purchase habits of those buying adult material. It seems this new study from New Science magazine http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn16680-porn-in-the-usa-conservatives-are-biggest-consumers.html?DCMP=OTC-rss&nsref=online-news followed the anonymous study of credit card receipts. The report finds most of the adult material bought in America comes from states who tend to be conservative. The biggest adult consumers comes from the great state of Utah. Yes, THAT Utah! Eight of the ten states with the highest consumption gave their support to Sen. John McCain during the past presidential election with the other two states going for Barack Obama.

The one statement from this study which speaks volumes:

Do consumption patterns of on-line adult entertainment reveal two separate Americas? Or is the consumption of on-line adult entertainment widespread, regardless of legal barriers, potential for embarrassment, and even religious conviction?”

This is one of the questions Christians and right wing moralists will need to ask themselves. How much longer do the gatekeepers keep telling us their own virtuous examples of faith and fidelity when they are no better than the sinners they rail against? To coin a phrase I heard from former Christian music group 2^nd Chapter of Actions “No one will have a secret, no one will tell a lie/things that are done in hiding are going to reach to the highest sky.”

Fighting For Credible, Useful Sex-Ed Information

Second, the Texas Freedom Network fighting the good fight to giving credible, sane, and informative sex-ed information to those who need it in Texas schools. They took their fight for a more comprehensive teaching of sexuality/relationship to the steps of the Austin State Capital. TFN’s hope is to get the facts to their teens and pre-teens to all students in the state. I encourage you to watch the proceedings of those involved with TFN regarding their findings about sexual education in Texas schools.

Hypocrisy Unveiled

Finally, I want to point to one Bristol Palin—daughter of Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska. You remember Bristol don’t you? In the presidential campaign news of Bristol’s pregnancy spread like wildfire throughout the political world. How will the Family Values party respond to this revelation? They responded with open arms and a “how dare you judge” to the media on Bristol’s “choice” to keep her baby. Funny how when a woman gets pregnant in the unconventional way these same critics will strike them down in an instant. If for one of their own they treat them as if they were the Prodigal Daughter with open arms and a fatted calf.

Does anyone see the hypocritical tone of this issue? Why is it okay for Ms. Palin to get a free ride without condemnation for having a baby out of wedlock but any other American baby won’t find the same grace in return?

Bristol’s words in a recent interview with Fox News illustrates the futility of abstinence only programs.
It may not be the type of news Bristol’s mom (Gov. Palin) or others in the Religious Rights pursuit of a moral America, but it does show such an ideal at best noble and worst fruitless. No person want to see an increase in pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), or abortions. The way these moralist make it seems we all want to see lines drawn out the door for women wanting abortions. Truth is we want to see responsible education—both by educators and parents—to help our youth have the right information so as adults they make better choices when they find themselves in various relationships.

I doubt this bad news will slow down those who seek to clamp down every aspect of American life and restrict how we date, become intimate, and who we become intimate with. In the process, the “Religious Right” will need to ask a ton of questions to themselves. Will they continue to try and impose—by law or shame—the same standards they say will bring those to eternal glory? Or, will they continue to say one thing and live another? The one question keeping many on the right awake is what if their opponents are right about everything?

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Such references, according to PTC, outnumber marital sex 3:1.

So? What’s Wrong With That?

So why is a study like this rubbing me the wrong way? Because this study is nothing short of a scare tactic trying its best to get viewers ashamed of themselves from ever talking about any sexual issues couples, married or not, are talking about in the real world.

“Why do you want to go down this road? Come back to marital sex; come back to the traditional and the true.” I wish we all could but judging by the recent divorce rates, the number of struggling marriages nationwide, and the number of extra marital affairs in the news and in private the marriage brand is looking pretty worn and dusted instead of new and busted.

How Does Society Affect The Marriage Bed?

Again the age old question of does television affect society or is society affecting television comes into play. We see how today many couples and singles are talking about everything from sex toys to an occasional “booty call”. In suburbia, we see couples mowing their yard and taking their kids to soccer practices all the time.

However, these same couples are out at the strip clubs or “swapping” with their neighbors when the sun goes down. Also in suburbia, the drama of couples making up and breaking up happens much more frequently (and without a Hollywood script) than on Wisteria Drive among the ladies from Desperate Housewives.

Marriage Statistics

In putting this story together one study from 2005 (from the New York Times) finds 51% of women are living without a spouse, up from 35%. The 2005 study also found married couples becoming the minority instead of the majority.

For the PTC blaming television of the ill news about marriage is both asinine and thoughtless. Or, to put it in the popular vernacular, it’s sounds like a “you” problem not a “we” problem.

The idea of marriage not getting a fair shake on television is ludicrous! Marriage for years is portrayed as the “cure all” to all sexual issues and lustful intentions. Someone forgot to tell those proponents it shouldn’t be used as a stop gate to begin with.

To blame television as the “ill” maker of society has more to do with the lack of creativity on the part of television executives and in Hollywood (i.e.–reality television) cheapening the airwaves with fast food programming then families and couples going through the struggles and challenges of everyday life.

The Real Problem

I find fault on many levels, but I think my biggest issue lies with the PTC itself. Why on God’s green earth do we need a group like this? Here is the groups statement describing the groups purpose:

The Parents Television Council (PTC) the nation’s most influential advocacy organization protecting children against sex, violence, and profanity in entertainment with more than one million members and growing!

Protecting children against sex, violence and profanity on television?? What about taking the fight to society against violence in society and how it is glorified in movies and media. How about letting parents deal with profanity in their own way stressing to children how these words are poor choices and find better ways to express their frustration.

Instead of your group trying to find sexual issues on every channel why not talk to your neighbors about it or maybe urge Hollywood and the main stream media to stop with the drivel of reality television and actually put on shows with intelligence and depth instead of dumbing down the populace.

America Has Had Enough!

American society is fed up and tired of being force fed the joys of martial bliss; we’re tired of being told marriage is going to solve all our problems. Truth is we all have our issues regarding relationships/sexuality coming from many voices with most of it not true.

To be told marriage will magically change the way we look and feel is a bold face lie. Why don’t we level with couples, young and old, about marriage. “Look, if you are getting married hoping you do things the right way or change the way you act and behave I think you two may need to do some heavy duty counseling before taking the next step. Why not talk to each other and find out what makes each of you tick. Honest straight talk, not the B.S. you call lover’s chit chat.”

I also think groups like the PTC need to disband and find a new aim instead of trying to harp on a subject which has more to do about society in general than the screen facing families day and night. They might find we’ve been talking about sex toys, swinging, voyeurism and the like for years and it’s the critics, not television, that’s behind the times.

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Almost a decade ago, I went to the Dayton/Montgomery County Public Library main branch to witness a war of ideas. A normal night in the library auditorium would have but a handful of persons engaged in some type of meeting. Not on the night I would be there.

Banning books that promote alternate lifestyles

Nearly 100 people crammed inside and outside the auditorium to hear the library board’s decision whether two controversial books could stay in the library. Books staying in the library? I thought every book was welcomed in the library. Not if you were the parents of some of the ultra conservative Christians in town who looked down on any book promoting the gay lifestyle.

Heather Has Two Mommies and Daddy’s Roommate was found by one the church members who quickly went into action. They rallied, protested, and got the media involved. In the end the library board voted unanimously to keep the books in the selection (it would later be dispersed in various categories in the children’s library, but neither books were banned from the library due to their content).

This made the ultra-conservative parents livid. They made threats of God’s judgment on the staff and the library and, in some show of protest, sent their children to place their cut library cards on the board’s table and walked out. If only I had the courage or the fortitude that night to say what I am saying to you now: Their actions exemplified idiotic behavior more than anything else I can imagine.

Two books about people who are in our community is such a threat to our community? So what if two women or men are raising kids, at least they have a story about their lives they can identify with and to help inform the community about their lives. Yet you will find the few trying to tell the many what is acceptable reading and what is not. The libraries and bookstores around the country are a bastion of free speech where ideas and thoughts can find equal footing to the populace.

Other surprising banned books

Every book on the shelves have a right to be on there for readers young and old to enjoy and learn from. Both book mentioned above are not the only two books finding controversy over its topics. You’ll be surprised what books find themselves on the infamous list of “banned books”

1. The Color Purple by Alice Walker

2. I Know Why the Caged Birds Sing by Maya Angelou

3. It’s Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris (Sex Ed)

4. The Golden Compass by Phillip Pulman

The ten most controversial books

The Economist July 22^nd on line article talks about the ten most controversial books and for the second year in a row two penguins are the subject of the censor’s ire. “And Tango Makes Three” about two male penguins who adopt an egg to make a family is the top book of choice to have tossed out. The are others you can check out in this article in The Economist.

Every year the American Library Association releases their list of Banned Books for the year (Check out the link at American library Association: http://www.ala.org/ala/oif/bannedbooksweek/bannedbooksweek.cfm) . Each library and bookstore sets up special displays to educate readers just what material is on the list. Many readers are shocked, others are not surprised, but all are amazed at how those individuals will work hard to make these books shunned from their communities.

One year at our public library, some of the books were found in a sort of adult movie style booth complete with a black curtain and a sign outside saying “Must Be Over 18 to Enter”. Imagine my surprise when I found the books they had displayed; imagine my disappointment when the Madonna SEX book not inside. Oh well.

So what does this mean for a web savvy people who read most of their material on-line? It means if you care one iota about freedom of speech and the power of a book or tome do all you can to support you local public library or bookstore.

These places make available the stories and ideas we love and appreciate; these are the places who allow countering views equal ground to challenge conventional thinking. Sadly the members of the religious sect who complained the loudest still every Halloween Night burn anything with “Satan’s Mark” in a bonfire.

They won’t give ideas a chance or the room to grow their world. They won’t even take the time to know where the author was going and why they wrote what they did. Out of sight, out of mind is the mantra they hold to. But if you burn the book with the idea, does it mean the idea really dies?

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You remember the furor over Michael’s little sister and the infamous flash seen round the world at the Super Bowl a few years ago?

CBS is still trying to recover from the whole incident; it is also trying to recover some cash after the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) made their pockets light a few dollars over the entire affair.

Jackson has yet to recover from her “flash” in the pan, but amazingly Justin Timberlake’s career has skyrocket proclaiming to “bring sexy back.” Right.

Should Women Be Allowed By Law To Show Their Breasts in Public?

Take the controversial poll at the end of this article to see where you stand!

The old double standard at work

I see a double standard here.

Timberlake can look good with his wet t-shirt photo on the Rolling Stones and no one even throws a stone at his bare chest image. Jackson shows one breast and you thought Western Civilization would crumble before our eyes. It is the breast that has kept many a child in our culture alive through their infant days.

It is the breast that is viewed as “dirty” and “unclean”. It is time for our Western Culture to drop the double standard, get a grip at what is “dirty”, and allow women everywhere the right to choose to let their breast free or not.

Breast gets such a bad rap sometimes as either visually distracting to men (and some women) or they treat women with smaller size breast with disregard. If you are a mother breast-feeding your child, then you are treated as if you are a topless dancer; if you are woman who chooses to flash your breast you can be charged with “indecent exposure” inciting a “riot” with their breast.

Guys can let their chest out for as long as they want without a question; women showing their breast out in public are treated with disregard over their choice of letting their girls out. Trust me, there are times I wonder if men and their breast size should put on a bra and over their mammary sacks up?

More of the double standard

Here’s more of the double standard for you: How is it its okay to read a nature magazine or watching something on television of a developing country and its okay for their women to walk around without their breast covered (which they do this without a worry about “sin” or “exposure” or “indecency”) but people flip out if their favorite star walks out of a shower with their breast exposed?

How about Hollywood studios paying money to their new young starlets to bare their breast as a “right of passage” but they won’t even give a starlet who chooses not to share their breast to the world the time of day? And why is it our arts community celebrate the beauty of the female form on canvas, sculpture and photos showing the naked breast where if you even show a picture of one exposed on an ad or in a magazine you risk censorship by readers or government?

Even in the Bible, Solomon encouraged those men in commitment and relationships to enjoy the breast of their beloved and not to go after the breast of someone outside of the intimacy circle  (see Proverbs 5:19). So how can it be a “sin” for a woman to take off her shirt and allow her “girls” some room to breathe?

Isn’t it time we decriminalize the breast for women? Shouldn’t it be the choice of a woman to be able to dictate when and where it is okay to take off their shirts and when not to? Do we see women as incapable of making such choices and see them as “fragile” in need of care and protection?

Trust me I made that mistake recently at a party giving evil eyes at men who I thought were after my girl. She would later sit me down to tell me, “I know you mean well and are looking out for me, but I was in this by myself dealing with guys far more lurching than you will ever imagine. Trust me to take care of myself and know I am not going off with another man without your permission.” I think this is the crux of the problem.

If men can prance around with their chest exposed and not a word of protest goes out to them then should women’s mammary have the same exposure too? And if so, can we as a society grow up and accept them for what they are: the crowning beauty of creation?

Breaking the myth of the female breast

In researching for this article, I found out there is a movement breaking the myth of the female breast being nothing but just sexual glands. The Topfreedom movement is a worldwide push by women to allow women the right to bare breast and to demystify the mammary as just “titillation devices”.

California, Hawaii, New York, and Ohio to name a few are just a few states in America allowing topfree women (however, law enforcement can still arrest you on “disorderly conduct” charges)

I think women should be proud and able to shed their tops and have their breast treated as something more than sexual objects. In fact, I can’t think of any other way to end this than to give comedian Rusty Warren the floor:

Bounce your boobies, get into the swing.
Bounce your boobies, the swing is everything.
Makes no difference if they’re big or small,
As long as you – ooh! – give ‘em your all.

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But none of these stack up against the greatest threat facing us today: the proliferation of sex toys. At least it was a problem in the state of Texas until a Federal Appeals court overturned a statewide ban on sex toys.

At issue, the distribution of sex toys and other adult items for couples and singles at “Tupperware” like parties. The law made it illegal based on the idea that such sales were deemed “obscene devices”. A person caught doing this could spend up to two years in jail.

Thankfully the courts saw this rule coming into conflict with the right to privacy (the 14th Amendment for you and I) and struck it down.

Thank God it got shot down because I know it would be a strange sight seeing men and women on the street corners trying to sell hummingbirds and G-spot wands to couples in need of a fix. This means the only two states left to overturn such a ruling and join the rest of the country in the 21st century are Alabama and Mississippi.

Laws like this one hurts those who are hosting and distributing marital aides and sex toys to couples and singles looking for extra fun in the bedroom. Meanwhile, there are those who feel you (a consenting adult) shouldn’t have these items for fear of perversion and abnormal behavior in the bedroom.

The truth about sex toys

Truth is sex toys only pose the simple threat of adding spice into the life a single person or a couple. Sex toys offer variety into the bedroom; God forbid if we add some flavor into the bedroom.

With growing frustration in the bedroom, couples breaking up over a lack of variety what crime is committed if couples want to make their relationship stronger?

Let’s break it down for you, sex toys or marital aides will help ensure relationships and relieve stress. Any time we can relieve stress in this world of ours is a very good thing. Sex toys don’t diminish you as a person or single you out as inferior in the bedroom.

Benefits for men and for women

Men sometimes feel having one (or using one) threaten ones manhood. But it takes a real man to admit he alone may not be the only thing to bring your partner their pleasure. Using a sex toy heightens the experience and can bring pleasure and enjoyment in the long run (not to mention rest from the wear and tear of your member).

For women, it is a chance to get in touch with your body. It is sad there are women out there who never had an orgasm until late in life. These tools are good aides to help women find the right points and areas to achieve orgasm.

Why there is an issue with sex toys

Single people are stigmatized (especially women) for buying such items because to some it signals you don’t need a man (or women), you’re inferior in the bedroom, or you have “issues” you don’t want your mother to know about.

Enough with the myths, fact is there is no shame for men or women to own or use a sex toy. What better safe sex you can have than with yourself; you can make your own sex play fun and pleasurable by taking these aides and have a good time. If others can’t see you’re not deviant in doing so then get them a vibrator too. Sounds like they could use one badly.

Alternatives to sex toy parties

Those who are in the Christian community who feel uncomfortable coming to a pleasure party or an adult bookstore/gift shop there is Book22.com. It is a great site geared for Christians couples (if you’re wondering about the name of the site look up Song of Solomon—22nd book in the Bible). It is a safe place to explore options to bring enjoyment in the most sanctified bedroom.

Its still early to find out if the Texas Attorney General’s office will have the case tried again, but I hope the good people of the Lone Star state leave it rest. Sex toys are both a pleasure and purposeful items, which can benefit all in the pursuit of a better bedroom.

Lead the way Texas and maybe in a few years Alabama and Mississippi  join you to once and for all put these arcane laws to rest and really give the power to the people (with a few extra batteries to boot).

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–Gene Eugene, lead singer of Adam Again

I always admire people who are not afraid to come out in the light and live their life fearlessly. The Naked Cowboy in Times Square playing his guitar and giving a smile in the busiest city in the world.

An exotic dancer at a Gentleman’s club showing off her skill, talent and her body knowing full well their relatives or friends could walk into the door at any time. They are honest and open about who they are and despite their inner fears they face it and deal with whatever the outcome.

Unfortunately, people of the Christian faith have a harder time dealing with being an honest people. Oh don’t get me wrong, their faith is strong and many don’t have a trouble getting dressed to head into church to worship God. But if there is any subject that causes even the truest of believer to cower into the corner its sex.

Sex keeps even the truest believer to find a good excuse to be somewhere else other than in the place where you are. Why? In many pulpits around the world it is taught that sex is wonderful when it is placed in the marital bed.

Sex outside of that (or any variance of “God’s design”) is an abomination in the eyes of God, so they say. Yet many a believer—myself included—find us in situations where we say one thing and do another.

This is the hypocrite’s tale. It is a tale of longing, wanting badly to be honest about what we are attracted to. Our love of everything sexual, and a desire to have a relationship where there are no secrets between our partners and ourselves is a dream that seems so far away.

Some in the church say that’s an oxymoron! I say this is not only attainable but something I think God supports in our lives. But if we are to get to that place of honesty there is one thing you and I need to say from the get go:

I LOVE SEX!

Say that three times to yourself or stand in the mirror and say it out loud. There, don’t you feel better now? I hope so. If we are to start on the road to honesty we need to say this to ourselves and admit we enjoy this great gift God created in us. So you like sex eh? Good. Now lets get down to the next phase of an honest life.

Here is a revelation that is going to shock the socks off of you. Baring any sexual abuse to children, animals, an adulterous affair, or other adults who are forced upon sexually you can enjoy pretty much anything else provided it doesn’t offend your conscious or the conscious of anyone else.  God has given you the freedom to enjoy the wide range of sexuality. From masturbation to even (dare I say it) inviting others into your bedroom you don’t have to act in the shadows again.

Too good to be true, you say?…

I thought so too because for many years I lived in the shadows sexually gorging on anything erotic to whet my appetite while in public I denounced these very acts as wicked and wrong. The best way to describe it is like you gorge on mounds and mounds of sexual material and experiences as if you never had sex before.

Then you get so stuffed (sexually speaking) you go to church or to your own home and regurgitate all those experiences with promises of “I’ll be a better Christian Lord if you’ll help me never to do this again”. You’re then caught in a vicious cycle of craving for sex, getting filled behind the backs of everyone, regret, repenting and re-repenting to never do it again.

Sit back and look at what’s going on here. You are letting this cycle take control of you and one day it will destroy all the things that is good within your life.

Relationships with spouses, boyfriends and girlfriends are ruined because you can’t bring yourself to the truth you like sex. Take it from me you don’t have to beat yourself up for having a sexual thought.

Break the cycle. Learn to accept yourself not just as a spiritual being but also as a sexual one too with needs for intimacy and love. Accept yourself not as evil for touching yourself, for seeing bodies entwined in passion, or enjoying entwining yourself but as a normal person of God. Paul said it best in Romans: “Therefore do not let what is for you a good thing be spoken of as evil.” (Rom 14: 15).

Today is the day to stop living in the shadows and start living an honest life. It is sad the rest of the church is more worried about sex toys or whether a child sees a nipple and not enough time encouraging fellow sisters and brothers to enjoy their God given right to sex.

Determine today that this will be the time in your life you don’t have to be crushed by guilt and manufactured fear (fed by tradition and misinformation) and find out how much of sexuality you really can enjoy.

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What are we coming to when we show blood and guts sprayed all over the TV, even on the Family Channel and Cartoon Network, but it’s wrong to even talk about sex. God forbid, someone shows a breast – we all remember the Janet Jackson incident. What should have been a funny blooper ended up being turned into a complete scandal.

When did sex become evil and wrong? When did war and violence become the norm? It seems that we’ve become so desensitized that no one gives it a second thought.

This Easter, I’m asking you to do just that. Think about it. Question it. Ask yourself why things are the way they are. Is it possible that we are holding on to beliefs that no longer serve us? Is it possible that we are following blindly in our parents’ footsteps without ever questioning the different motivations and circumstances between the generations?

It’s no wonder that our society is so dysfunctional when it comes to sex and relationships, and why our children are killing themselves in record numbers. When we value violence more than love, happiness, and joy – this is what we get. I’m definitely not talk about more censorship or taking away more freedoms. We’ve done enough of that already!

What I’m talking about is taking personal responsibility for our society today. It’s time to question everything and then do something about it.

So just exactly why am I going off on this topic when it really has little to do with dating and relationships?

For the second time, AskDanAndJenifer.com was banned by an advertiser, Kontera Technologies – for none other than Adult Content. Now I don’t know about you, but when I think of adult content, I think of Playboy TV and the like. But Wait! We have no nudity, no graphic language, and pornographic material at all on our website – Period! Check it our for yourself.

When we questioned Kontera about their decision, here’s what they said.

"Your site deals a lot with sexual relations, even that there is no nudity or graphic language, it is still considered as mature content with us."

"Sexual Relations" (you have to say it in a whisper so that no one will hear you). They couldn’t even say "sex". Kontera turned us down because we TALK about sex! That’s their choice and I’m happy that we live in a time where they can make that decision freely, but do they really think their clients are not grown ups with the ability to discern what they’re reading? And Heaven forbid (yes, that pun is intended), our children actually stumble across a web site that talks openly and honestly about sex. They may even grow up knowing how to make informed decisions about sex rather than learning everything from their buddies and worse yet their first boyfriend or girlfriend.

My real concern is that this decision by Kontera represents a much bigger problem. Their views about sex are reflective of our society as a whole. Where are we going as a society when I can talk about war and violence all day long and show gruesome pictures of this violence on my website with no ramifications what so ever?

But… When we start talking openly and honestly about sex and giving honest advice to people who have questions about dating, relationships, love, and sex, suddenly we’re put into the same category as child pornography and hard core porn? There’s something seriously wrong with that.

Our children grow up knowing more about combat strategies and murder than they do about their own bodies.

This is the real problem. It’s time to take the stigma away from sex and start talking about it openly and honestly for what it is – a completely normal and healthy part of our lives.

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You may not realize just how much censorship takes place every day that is keeping you from expressing your God given rights and freedoms.

While mostly naked swimsuit models are splashed on every magazine cover and billboard nationwide, the mere mention of sex or implied sexuality will get your ad pulled faster than you can say “sex”.

In fact, here’s an excellent example from today.

This morning I received a notification email from Text-Link-Ads, one of the great folks supporting our site. Advertisers go through Text-Link-Ads to purchase various text link ad spots on our blog. And the notification email asked me to go review an ad someone would like to place on our site. But when I logged on, I couldn’t see the ad pending review. So I emailed Text-Link-Ads to ask about it.

The answer was: “Hi Dan, It was an adult site so I had to decline it. Sorry for the hassle.” To which my immediate response was: “Hmmm… I’d still like to see the site and make that decision myself. I may or may not have a problem with the site.”

For us, it really depends on whether they provide content or a service that we feel would benefit our guests and readers.

Text-Link-Ads is great, do check them out…

Just to be clear, we aren’t holding anything against Text-Link-Ads. It’s entirely their choice what sites they do business with. Just like AskDanAndJennifer.com is our home on the web, and we get to decide who is and isn’t welcome.

We’ve had only good experiences dealing with them, and we recommend them highly. If you have a blog and are looking to make some extra money to cover your costs, sign up with them as a publisher.

If you would like to advertise to the readers of thousands of popular blogs, be sure to take advantage of the $100 in free ads coupon Text-Link-Ads is running right now.

So why the heck does all of this Sexual Censorship matter to you?

We try really hard to keep all of our posts on topic for our readers.

But let’s recap our mission for AskDanAndJennifer.com: “To help people create more conscious relationships based on love and acceptance rather than fear, jealousy, anger, and ownership. It’s time to move on from outdated ideas about relationships and sex…”

So yes, some sexual content would be appropriate on our blog.

And what exactly is an adult site anyway?

That’s hard to say for sure. This morning I didn’t even get to find out. And unfortunately these types of fears lead to blurring lines and very broad definitions.

• Could it perhaps be an adult dating site like Adult Friend Finder? What’s wrong with that? Tens of millions of people find sex partners on Adult Friend Finder. If people didn’t use it, this site wouldn’t be more popular than all the top online dating sites put together.
• Or maybe a BDSM dating site, like ALT.com – sister site to Adult Friend Finder? Again, if millions of people didn’t find this service useful, it would quickly go out of business.
• Or – No not that! – maybe it’s a live adult video chat site like Sizzling Cams or Totally Free Cams, where you can connect with live people from all over the U.S. and beyond. And – gasp – they cater to every possible fetish you can think of. Yes, that too.  And you can even sample the product for free. Wow, it may be sinful just thinking about it.
  WARNING, these are adult sites. Before you click, cover your eyes – and if you’re at work, turn your speakers off!

So, it would still be nice as free American adults to make our own decisions about whether or not we’d like to view or display adult content on our blogs and websites.

And don’t even get me started on “protecting the children” from porn.

That scam has been used to take away more freedoms than just about anything in recent history, except maybe for the Patriot Act. We can better protect our children by being real parents and without locking up all of the adults.

Major News Media Censorship – What ever happened to free speech?

These days it’s more like ‘restricted’ speech.

Some years ago Jennifer and I started and online dating site here in Dallas. It was a very interesting and educational experience. And we learned a lot about the type of censorship that goes on behind the scenes in Corporate America today.

We signed up to run some banner ads on the websites of two prominent Dallas area newspapers. They signed the contract, accepted payment, and had no problem with our creatives (the banner ads) initially.

Then, right as we were going live with the campaigns, both called to tells us they would have to pull the ads due to the sexual connotation in the creatives.

By the way, we can’t mention the names of the newspapers here or many media outlets won’t publish this article – more censorship…

Do we just fear nudity or is it the mere thought of open sexuality?

Here’s one of the banner ads in question for your viewing enjoyment. You’ll note there is no nudity shown whatsoever, and there is nothing graphic, violent, or otherwise generally offensive in the ad.

Not to imply there’s anything immediately offensive about the natural state of the human body – but that’s another discussion for another day.

However, the depiction of this woman licking a thorn is very sensual, seductive, and sexually playful. Or could it be because we mentioned Intimate Encounters. We can’t have that now can we – people admitting that they actually want and have sex.

And sometimes you can’t say the word “Gay” on the radio

This is a little off topic, but not too much. We were signing a deal to run some radio ads on a very popular Dallas radio station when we found out that we had to edit our ad. They required a single very specific change – we had to edit out the word “gay”. No, really.

Janet Jackson’s infamous breast – the wardrobe malfunction extraordinaire

I’m sure many of you remember Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe malfunction” not too long ago. This was one of (if not THE) most replayed moment in TIVO history. Gee, guess that tells us something.

And sadly millions of people turned to stone that day. Or did they? Wait, this just in. Janet Jackson’s breast did not trigger mass fatalities after all. Not to mention the administrative grandstanding in the days following, you would have thought someone had launched a nuclear war.

In summary

We believe sex is not in any way evil or terrible. But this general fear and shame associated with sex and sexuality is a prime cause for many of our societal issues and relationship problems.

How many people don’t even know if they’re sexually compatible until after they get into a marriage contract? Yes, it’s their choice of course. But just think about their chances of staying together long term if their sex life is really poor. Of course they could stay together and pretend to be monogamous like many couples do, and cheat with others on the side. Is that really better? Is it any surprise our divorce rate is over 50%?

Ok, deep breath. Blessings all round, and on with our day.

Please leave a comment below to tell us what you think on the topic of Sexual Censorship!

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