Ask Dan and Jennifer » Christianity

Sex Talk Stirs The Crimson Tide

Christ Pro Erotic — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 19:13:29 +0000

If Rev. Jerry Lawson wanted to make a name for his church, he did it by having a few billboards promote his latest sermon series. You see his church is in Northern Alabama—Bible Belt, Ten Commandments country, etc.—and his topic is “marital sex made better.” The website “GreatSexGodsWay.com” on billboards around Alabama rankled the very conservative base, not because it was coming from a Christian perspective, but the fact that those parents would have to talk about sex to their children a little earlier than they wanted. Good.

Sex Talk In The South?

God knows everything else is talked about in that part of the state (i.e. the economy, the new president, etc.) maybe its high time sex can be talked about in the deep south of Alabama. It’s bad enough residents of the state have to cross state lines to get an adult movie or a dildo. Haven forbid someone will have to talk to their friends and family about sex. Those few who don’t want it to come out (gasp) that Alabamians are sexual beings will make a stink about it. Marketing ploy to get more people in the pews, yes; billboard campaign to get the tongues wagging, probably; worldwide coverage over the outrage to really drive home the point you are trying to come across to your congregation, priceless.

Pastor Lawson’s Daystar Church in Cullman, Alabama started with 100 members and grew to about 2,000 people. It is your new school style mega-church complete with a hip pastor and a timely word. Only the word about better marital sex in the bedroom may be a bit too hip for the conservative folks of Alabama. From other ministers to city officials, the topic is raising eyebrows about the approach to delve into this subject. But it’s not the first time this topic was taken on in recent months.

Marital Sex – It’s Okay By The Book, But Why Can’t We Talk About It?

In Dallas, Texas, Fellowship Church pastor Ed Young challenged all the married couples in his congregation to have sex for a week. This was used to instill a closer marital bond between husband and wife. In Florida, Georgia, and other states there is a push among Evangelicals to “take back” the sex message from the “world” and bring it back in the pews. This effort is made to try and “cleanse” sex from the evil talk the world has regarding the subject.

My question is does this means ministers are acknowledging the need to talk sex to the married couples? What about single people? Will it still be “no sex for you” like some Sex Nazi or will we finally have a reasonable debate/discussion on what the Bible really says to single people regarding sex? That discussion is for another debate at another time.

I do think there should be some high praise to big city and small town churches where preachers like Rev. Lawson boldly acknowledge the needs of his congregation. Although some ministers think preachers should stick to preaching the Gospel and nothing else I think this type of talk is in the bounds of the tradition of the church. When needs among widows came up for first century believers the leaders of the time (Peter, Paul, John, etc.) delegated authority and raised leaders to take care of their needs. If believers needed clothes because there were some lacking they would do the same thing as well clothing the naked.

Talking Sex, The Modern Way

In the case for many churches the sex therapist and advice makers (thank you Dan and Jennifer) are making inroads into many couples and singles lives giving timely advice and proper direction in and out of the bedroom. Church leaders desperate to reach to the needs of their audience and seeing the growing concerns raised over sexual issues in their pews ( adultery, variety in the bedroom, etc.) realize they are behind the curve. So in order to “save” the message they try and bring it upon themselves to get the message out to where its needed.

I applaud Rev. Lawson’s approach to getting sexual help to his congregation and stand with him when people in his North Alabama region makes a big stink about sex. The good people of the region should get a grip and start talking to their family about sex. If they don’t know enough about the subject of sexuality then this is the time to delve on line and in the bookstores and libraries to find out. There is enough good material to get any parent ready to have “the talk” with their children.

Where I differ with him is that this talk should have happened ages ago. Fancy marketing may be good for a time, but this must be a talk for the long term. There needs to be healthy debate and discussion coming from both sides of the issue. I long for a minister with the moral guts to take on each subject of relationships, dating, and sexuality without the prepackaged agenda stamped on every minister coming out of seminary (or cemetery as one of my minister friends puts it). A frank talk about sex is one I think teens and adults in Christian and non-Christian circles could use in a big way.

Sex, Religion, and Hypocrisy – Will Embracing Your Sexuality Offend God?

Christ Pro Erotic — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 14:51:55 +0000

"The trouble with lies is it’s hard to forget where the real man hides."

–Gene Eugene, lead singer of Adam Again

I always admire people who are not afraid to come out in the light and live their life fearlessly. The Naked Cowboy in Times Square playing his guitar and giving a smile in the busiest city in the world.

An exotic dancer at a Gentleman’s club showing off her skill, talent and her body knowing full well their relatives or friends could walk into the door at any time. They are honest and open about who they are and despite their inner fears they face it and deal with whatever the outcome.

Unfortunately, people of the Christian faith have a harder time dealing with being an honest people. Oh don’t get me wrong, their faith is strong and many don’t have a trouble getting dressed to head into church to worship God. But if there is any subject that causes even the truest of believer to cower into the corner its sex.

Sex keeps even the truest believer to find a good excuse to be somewhere else other than in the place where you are. Why? In many pulpits around the world it is taught that sex is wonderful when it is placed in the marital bed.

Sex outside of that (or any variance of “God’s design”) is an abomination in the eyes of God, so they say. Yet many a believer—myself included—find us in situations where we say one thing and do another.

This is the hypocrite’s tale. It is a tale of longing, wanting badly to be honest about what we are attracted to. Our love of everything sexual, and a desire to have a relationship where there are no secrets between our partners and ourselves is a dream that seems so far away.

Some in the church say that’s an oxymoron! I say this is not only attainable but something I think God supports in our lives. But if we are to get to that place of honesty there is one thing you and I need to say from the get go:

I LOVE SEX!

Say that three times to yourself or stand in the mirror and say it out loud. There, don’t you feel better now? I hope so. If we are to start on the road to honesty we need to say this to ourselves and admit we enjoy this great gift God created in us. So you like sex eh? Good. Now lets get down to the next phase of an honest life.

Here is a revelation that is going to shock the socks off of you. Baring any sexual abuse to children, animals, an adulterous affair, or other adults who are forced upon sexually you can enjoy pretty much anything else provided it doesn’t offend your conscious or the conscious of anyone else. God has given you the freedom to enjoy the wide range of sexuality. From masturbation to even (dare I say it) inviting others into your bedroom you don’t have to act in the shadows again.

Too good to be true, you say?…

BANNED for Talking About Sex?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 04 Apr 2007 17:05:39 +0000

As Easter approaches, I’m left wondering what’s become of our nation and of Christianity…

What are we coming to when we show blood and guts sprayed all over the TV, even on the Family Channel and Cartoon Network, but it’s wrong to even talk about sex. God forbid, someone shows a breast – we all remember the Janet Jackson incident. What should have been a funny blooper ended up being turned into a complete scandal.

When did sex become evil and wrong? When did war and violence become the norm? It seems that we’ve become so desensitized that no one gives it a second thought.

This Easter, I’m asking you to do just that. Think about it. Question it. Ask yourself why things are the way they are. Is it possible that we are holding on to beliefs that no longer serve us? Is it possible that we are following blindly in our parents’ footsteps without ever questioning the different motivations and circumstances between the generations?

It’s no wonder that our society is so dysfunctional when it comes to sex and relationships, and why our children are killing themselves in record numbers. When we value violence more than love, happiness, and joy – this is what we get. I’m definitely not talk about more censorship or taking away more freedoms. We’ve done enough of that already!

What I’m talking about is taking personal responsibility for our society today. It’s time to question everything and then do something about it.

So just exactly why am I going off on this topic when it really has little to do with dating and relationships?

For the second time, AskDanAndJenifer.com was banned by an advertiser, Kontera Technologies – for none other than Adult Content. Now I don’t know about you, but when I think of adult content, I think of Playboy TV and the like. But Wait! We have no nudity, no graphic language, and pornographic material at all on our website – Period! Check it our for yourself.

When we questioned Kontera about their decision, here’s what they said.

"Your site deals a lot with sexual relations, even that there is no nudity or graphic language, it is still considered as mature content with us."

"Sexual Relations" (you have to say it in a whisper so that no one will hear you). They couldn’t even say "sex". Kontera turned us down because we TALK about sex! That’s their choice and I’m happy that we live in a time where they can make that decision freely, but do they really think their clients are not grown ups with the ability to discern what they’re reading? And Heaven forbid (yes, that pun is intended), our children actually stumble across a web site that talks openly and honestly about sex. They may even grow up knowing how to make informed decisions about sex rather than learning everything from their buddies and worse yet their first boyfriend or girlfriend.

My real concern is that this decision by Kontera represents a much bigger problem. Their views about sex are reflective of our society as a whole. Where are we going as a society when I can talk about war and violence all day long and show gruesome pictures of this violence on my website with no ramifications what so ever?

But… When we start talking openly and honestly about sex and giving honest advice to people who have questions about dating, relationships, love, and sex, suddenly we’re put into the same category as child pornography and hard core porn? There’s something seriously wrong with that.

Our children grow up knowing more about combat strategies and murder than they do about their own bodies.

This is the real problem. It’s time to take the stigma away from sex and start talking about it openly and honestly for what it is – a completely normal and healthy part of our lives.