Ask Dan and Jennifer » creative dates

Women: 5 Ways To Save Your Marriage

Michael Webb — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 14:03:47 +0000

Is your marriage in trouble? No matter how bad, there’s always hope and ways to turn your situation around.

Here are five common ways to help create a better, more loving and harmonious relationship with your husband.

1. Handle arguments differently

Every marriage and relationship has arguments, but it’s how you handle them that’s most important.

At Junior High School, I said ‘no’ to drugs. At my wedding altar, I said ‘no’ to fighting. Nancy Reagan’s "Just Say No" anti-drug campaign was a huge success.

Kids made a verbal commitment and a mental stance to avoid drugs before they were even of the age to be tempted. When they were introduced to drugs, they knew they could "just say no" and not feel alone.

Fighting is NOT harmless. It’s addictive and, if continued, is likely to cause irreparable damage. Certainly there are times when emotions get wrinkled, and the natural inclination is to blow your top.

I sometimes have to bite my tongue so I don’t say something I would regret later (since when is self-control a bad thing?) Having a naturally calm personality has admittedly made it easier for me to think before I speak than it is for some people. But that shouldn’t stop anyone from trying.

2. How to make him listen

In most relationships, a polite and sincere request gets much greater results than if you yell, nag or complain.

For example, the other day Athena saw my bath towel on the middle of our bedroom floor. She said "you might want to hang up your towel or it won’t dry out in time for your shower tomorrow." When my clothes pile up outside of the hamper, she sweetly says, "it would really help me out a lot if you put your dirty clothes in the hamper."

She was exhausted one morning and when Ashton (then five months old) began to stir, she turned over to me and asked if I wanted to "get up and have a little morning playtime with Ashton."

That was a much nicer way of asking me to help her out than saying, "Why am I the one who always gets up early to take care of YOUR son? I think it is YOUR turn for a change." Athena always thinks of nice ways to ask me to help out or to stop doing something irritating.

3. Turn gossip and bashing into praise

No one’s perfect. When wives get together and the conversation turns to complaining about “what their husbands do,” or male bashing in general, refuse to participate.

It shows that you respect and value your husband. For a man, few things are more devastating than to have his wife criticize him in front of friends. Instead, when a "gripe session" gets going, make it a point to start sharing some of his good qualities.

Usually, this alone will steer the conversation into a positive direction and help your friends to also praise their husbands — which in turn helps them to respect and appreciate them more too. Knowing that my wife refuses to belittle me in front of friends makes me love and respect her even more.

4. Change your routine of life

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Cheap But Great Date Ideas from ZenHabits.net

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 13:00:46 +0000

Looking for some more great first date ideas or even second date ideas but you’re a little strapped for cash?

Here are some great suggestions from our friend Leo at Zen Habits.

Picnic. One of my favorites. I like to pack a basket with home-made sandwiches (really hearty, good ones with good bread), fruits, cheese, desserts, candies, wine, snacks and all the utensils and napkins. Find a great spot for the picnic — sunset is probably the most romantic time.
Treasure hunt. Another favorite. I set this up beforehand, writing clues on pieces of paper and leaving them all around town. Each clue led to the next, and at the end was a gift. You’ll have a blast driving around. It’s best if the places and clues are meaningful to the two of you.
Home-cooked meal with candles. A specialty of mine. Even if you can only cook one thing well, you’ve got it made. Pasta or steaks are easy and sure bets (although I don’t eat steak anymore). A good dessert tops it off well. The candles are a nice touch. Pick some flowers too. Most women love a man who can cook, especially for them.
Massage. This is most likely only appropriate if you’ve been going out for a few dates, but if you’re close enough for a good massage, this will win her over. Get some scented massage oil. Do the entire body, starting with the head, down to the neck, the back, legs and feet. Skip the tempting areas (or at least save them for last) or the massage might not last long.
The beach. I live on an island, so this one’s easy. If you don’t have a beach, any other nice natural setting, like lake or river or mountain, will also work. You can pack a picnic, or just get some bathing suits and some beer and have a great time.
Festivals. Look in your local paper … you might find all kinds of festivals, from movies to dance to desserts and more. They cost very little, and they are a blast. Walk around, make jokes, sample everything.
Old movie marathon. Nothing’s more romantic than great old movies. Rent a bunch of them on DVD, pop some popcorn, get some candy, and watch them in your living room wrapped in blankets. A few sure-fire recommendations: Casablanca, Roman Holiday, Some Like It Hot, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, hell anything with Audrey Hepburn.
Window shopping. Walk around and look at stuff at some of your favorite stores — antique stores, used bookstores, unique clothing. Try stuff on. Make fun of stuff. Make it fun.
Watch meteors. Get a blanket and look up at the stars. It’s best if there’s a meteor shower — shooting stars are magical. Otherwise, learn a few constellations and point them out to her. Ponder the mysteries of the universe.
Play in the snow or water. If you’ve got snow, you’ve got magic. Otherwise, a pool or ocean or lake are also great ways to play. Playful is good. So is a little innocent physical contact. Roll around!
Museum. I love museums. They’re fascinating. If the girl thinks they’re fascinating too, you’ve got a winner. Zoos are fun too. Also carnivals. Buy cotton candy.
Family barbecues. If you’ve been on a couple dates, you might be comfortable bringing her to a family gathering. A casual one like a barbecue is probably better to start with than Thanksgiving dinner or something. Although, going to a wedding is also fun. Barbecues are great because there’s good food and it’s free! Also, if your family is a lot of fun, you’ve got free entertainment!
Shakespeare. I like watching plays, especially by the Bard. If the girl likes that too … well, she’s worth her weight in gold, as far as I’m concerned. And Shakespeare is very romantic. Quote her some lines afterward.
Sundaes. Delicious and fun. Share toppings.
Poetry reading. These can be a lot of fun, especially if you have a poem you can go up and read. Write one especially for her and tell everyone it’s dedicated to her. Then have some beers and watch the others. Poetry can be very romantic (unless it’s the angry kind, in which case it’s a lot of fun).

If you haven’t been to Zen Habits yet, go over and check it out. Leo has some great ways to improve your life.

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit." ~Aristotle

Zen Habits is all about achieving goals, productivity, being organized, GTD, motivation, eliminating debt, saving, getting a flat stomach, eating healthy, simplifying, living frugal, parenting, happiness, and successfully implementing good habits.

Is Shyness Keeping You From the Girl of Your Dreams?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 16:37:10 +0000

The Question:

There is this girl at my church that I think might like me. Every time I get a chance to say something to her I don’t because I’m really shy. What can I say or do to break the ice?

The Answer:

The challenge here is that you really like her and really want her to like you. And that’s the problem. That wanting translates into fear – fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of being alone.

STOP! Let’s go through this together so you will be able to approach her with ease the next time you see her.

She’s a regular person, just like you

Don’t put her on a pedestal just because you like her. This is one of the biggest mistakes men make with women, which is why they strike out so often.

Remember, she’s a regular person, just like you. So, treat her that way. Be nice, friendly, and most of all, confident in yourself. You wouldn’t be shy talking to one of your guy friends or a girl that you have no interest in, right?

So treat her like that – just one of your friends.

Men and women aren’t nearly as different as we all like to believe. At the end of the day we’re all people with needs, feelings, hopes, dreams, etc. We all need friends, companionship, and so on.

How can you tell if she likes you?

When you talk with her, notice how you feel. Do you feel like you WANT her to like you, or do you feel that she DOES like you? Is there a strong surge of energy, a magical spark between the two of you? Down deep, you’ll know if she really likes you.

You can feel it. Trust your gut.

Warning. Many guys make a big deal about asking a girl if she likes them. Don’t ever do that. You’ll put her on the spot and she’ll have to choose without getting to know you first. It’s like deciding if you want to buy a car without ever sitting in it.

The key here is confidence and belief in you. Listen for what’s in your heart, not for what you want to be there. If you’re too nervous to even talk without stuttering, then you won’t be able to read your gut feelings. So it’s very important to get a grip on yourself and just relax.

What if she turns you down?…

14 Creative Valentine’s Day Ideas

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 16:47:20 +0000

Are you ready for Valentine’s Day?

While we feel that you should treat every day in your relationship like Valentine’s Day, we do want to help you make this special day incredibly romantic and memorable for both you and your sweetheart.

As we get closer to Valentine’s Day, we’ll continue to update our blog with any cool resources or ideas that we find.

Here’s a great article from Michael Webb at TheRomantic.com with some really creative ways to say "I Love You" this year.

"14 Creative Valentine’s Ideas"

By Michael Webb, Founder www.TheRomantic.com

Here are 14 Creative (yet inexpensive) ways to say "I Love You" this February. Do your friends a favor and forward this message to them.

Sleep under the stars
Buy some glow in the dark stars from the toy department and arrange a special message above your bed.
Their very own coloring book
Draw a dozen or so silly pictures of memorable experiences. (browse through photo albums for ideas). Outline in black marker and then have the pages copied and bound on heavy paper at a copy shop. Give with a pack of crayons.
Computer romance
Change the screen saver on the computer to a scrolling message. For added effect, use a wingding or character font that can’t be read without decoding.
Got milk?
Hide a bunch of silly prizes and a card in your love’s favorite cereal.
Jump start the romance
Tie your card or gift on a three foot string and tie it to the bottom of an automatic garage door. When your honey comes home, the gift will magically arise to greet them.
Rubber ducky races
Go to a nearby river or stream and race rubber ducks. The loser takes the winner out for dessert.
Warm the heart
While your love is in the shower put their towel in the dryer for a few minutes so it will be toasty warm when he or she steps out.
Music to their ears
In your own voice, record a book, fairy tale or poetry on tape for your dearest to listen to on the way to work or while he or she is out of town.
A winter picnic
Move the living room furniture and have a picnic in the middle of the floor complete with blanket, picnic basket, and all the fixings (in front of a roaring fireplace would add to the effect).
Send a mail bomb
Sending a card can be exploding romantic just by adding something unexpected: a feather, leaf, matches, lock of your hair, pressed flower or your handkerchief scented with perfume/cologne.
The personal touch
Gently scratch his back for ten minutes while he falls asleep or brush her hair for the same amount of time.
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Use Rain-X Anti Fog (used to keep car windows from fogging up) and a cotton swab to write a message that will mysteriously appear on the bathroom mirror while your sweetheart is showering. Or put that old tube of lipstick to good use with a good morning greeting on the mirror.
The Jelly Belly game
Blindfold him and feed him Jelly Bellies. If he guesses the flavor correctly, he gets a prize. If he guesses wrong, you get a prize. To make it more interesting, combine flavors (root beer + ice cream = root beer float, coconut + pineapple = pina colada, chocolate + cherry = chocolate covered cherries, etc.).
Welcome home!
Use chalk to write a welcome home greeting on the sidewalk.

Make sure to check out Michael’s other terrific Valentine’s Day resources below:

Draw closer together with 1000 Questions for Couples
Spice up your love life with 500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets
Discover 300 Creative Dates
Don’t miss 100 Bedroom Games for Couples
Learn the 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships
There is A Better Way To Date
Read about The Romantic’s Guide to Popping the Question