Long gone will be the days of shyly talking dirty via Instant Messenger or even engaging in webcam peek-a-boo. While these methods of gratification may continue to hold a place in our hearts (and pants), the virtual sex industry is looking toward the future for new and different ways of stimulating its customers.

Sexy Video Games?

One avenue will be through video games. While there have been implied sexuality in video games, it has rarely been explicit. However, gamers are wanting more - more violence, more action, more control, and yes, more sex. Recently, it was discovered that a hidden “scene” in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas allowed the main character to enter a house and engage in explicit coitus. But will consumers be content to merely watch such a scene? With such physically interactive consoles becoming exponentially more popular, how long will it be until a sexed up version of Wii Fit is released?

While video games have not yet reached this point, the Internet certainly has…and how! Some games innocently poke at the notion of sex like The Sims, while others base character development off of it. Red Light Social Center, for example, is an Internet-based social network, which allows its VIP members to engage in cyber sex with other avatars. The popular game, Second Life, even has a thriving prostitution industry (using real money, no less).

A Virtual Sex Machine

The most interesting developments in the area of virtual sex will combine the Internet and technology in a movement called teledildonics. The invention making waves is the Virtual Sex Machine. After affixing the machine (which resembles the infamous enlargement pumps of the past) to his penis and turning on a specially designed DVD, a user can experience the sensations which mimic the porn star’s actions. For example, onscreen fellatio will trigger different settings within the machine, causing the user to feel as though he is the recipient.

One potential off-shoot of the VSM will enable a person (possibly one who is performing sexual acts on webcam) to control the machine—and thus, the sensations—of another person. Similarly, such sites as Sinulate.com are releasing vibrators which are connected to a computer, and which allow another person to control the action from a different room or even a different country.

The sex industry is anything if not resourceful. They can take a current technology and tweak it ever so slightly, in order to create a new product or service. For example, the iBuzz is an iPod with a vibrator attached to it. When the volume is increased, the vibrations increase. They speed up for fast songs, slow down for the calmer ones, beating in time to the music.

Yet for all these new inventions and ideas, will virtual sex ever completely eradicate the need for real, person-to-person contact? Or will vibrators, webcams, and avatars always be second-best? I should hope so.

Related Posts

1. Do Online, Virtual Relationships Really Work?
2. Is Virtual Cheating Really Cheating?
3. How Letting Go of the Past Can Help You Hold On To The Future
4. Sex Machines – Do Women Even Need Men Anymore?
5. Playing Mind Games in Love and Sex – Should You Really Do it?

Whether it’s phone sex, internet cyber sex or online dating, many people end up using technology to their advantage to spice up their sex lives or further their relationships. What happens if you’re doing these things while you’re in a relationship with someone else? Is it really cheating?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I love my husband and have tried for years to get him to be more open with sex. I am not shy at all and prefer more sparks and even some dirty talking. He won’t ……at all. He prefers it quiet and the same. Here is the problem. I met a wonderful man on yahoo chat. He’s married as well and neither of us will ever leave our spouses. We have the most amazing phone sex imaginable. I’m afraid otherwise without this outlet I would have strayed. But this “cyber sex” fills a need and keeps me home where I love my husband.

Am I a horrible person…….should I stop?

– Chris, Wisconsin

Breaking Your Partner’s Trust

Cheating is anything that breaks your partner’s trust, or is something they don’t know about and you’re trying to keep hidden from them. It’s not necessarily just physically having sex with someone else other than your partner that constitutes cheating.

Swingers do that all the time and obviously for them, it’s not cheating. Consider cheating to be anything that you wouldn’t do with your partner around or that your partner doesn’t know about.

Would you have phone sex with someone else with your partner sitting right there? Would you chat with your online sex buddy while your partner was over on the couch watching a movie?

Chances are, you’re doing these things without your partner’s knowledge. It may seem less “bad” than actually having sex with someone else, but all of those things, whether it’s having phone sex or having actual sex, breaks your partner’s trust. So it’s cheating.

Coming Clean

For a relationship to survive, you have to be open and honest with your partner. You can’t hide things from them or continually do things that break their trust. If you do, the relationship will never last. If you care about your partner and truly want to have a fulfilling relationship with them, it’s important to come clean about the cheating.

Let them know what you’re up to. Let them know that you truly care about them and you’re simply fulfilling a need that’s not emotional. Don’t be critical and don’t blame your partner for “making you do this.”

Ask Your Partner How They Feel

It shouldn’t be brought up to your partner in a “you can’t give me what I need but they can” sort of way, because that attitude will only make things worse. Ask your partner how they feel about it. Do they want you to stop? Let them know that if they do, you’re ready to do that.

You might be surprised. They might be open to an online only relationship or phone sex between you and someone else. They might want to become part of it too. Be prepared, however, for your partner to ask you to stop. You should also be prepared to earn back their trust.

Spicing Up Your Sex Life

If your sex life with your partner is lacking, and you’re turning to phone sex or cyber sex to fill the void, consider putting some of this effort into working on your sex life with your partner. Perhaps you two could each take a phone into a different room and have phone sex that way. Your partner might feel more comfortable talking dirty to you this way. Perhaps you can send each other racy emails.

Focus your efforts on making your sex life with your partner work. You’ll be surprised at what a little creativity can do to spice up things in the bedroom!

Related Posts

1. Married Life: Dreaming About Cheating Vs. Actually Cheating
2. Is Virtual Cheating Really Cheating?
3. Q&A: How to Fix A Cheating Partner
4. Top 10 Signs of a Cheating Man
5. Should I Give My Cheating Man Another Chance?

From meeting online via a dating website to having a casual chat over instant messenger, the likelihood that you’ll have at least one online conversation with your potential lover is extremely high.

One of the main differences between online and face-to-face conversations is the amount of social inhibitions experienced by the chatters.

Because online communications encourage an atmosphere of anonymity, it’s easier for most people to open up about themselves. The lack of physical/visual social repercussions online, such as a frown of disapproval, makes online chatters less vulnerable to emotional hurts, and therefore much more willing to take chances by saying things that might otherwise be considered “inappropriate” in person.

Under such relaxed social constraints, it’s easy to imagine how a casual late night chat can quickly turn into an arousing exploration of each other’s sexual fantasies. But is engaging in this type of risqué talk with someone you’ve recently met and may eventually sleep with a good idea? Might it ruin those first “magical” moments if and when you do decide to have physical sex together?

The Pros and Cons of Having “Cyber Sex” Before Really “Doing It”

Pro – It’ll Give You Both a Chance to Explore Your Sexual Compatibility Safely.

Rather than risking a potentially awkward first time with a new partner, having cyber sex beforehand can provide both parties with an opportunity to verbally explore each other’s likes and dislikes in a fun and consequence-free environment.

Maybe she is much more sexually aggressive than he is, or maybe he has certain kinks that she is strongly against. Whatever differences and similarities are discovered, it’s much better to test out certain ideas online than it is in person. Wouldn’t you like to know your new crush actually enjoys being tied up before you whip out your studded leather cuffs?

Con – What Happens in Cyber-Land, Stays in Cyber-Land

It’s true, the uninhibited social freedom of cyber sex can go straight to some people’s heads like the bubbles in any great bottle of champagne. Because of this, the difference between someone’s online sexual persona and their real life sexual behavior can be shockingly different…

Although you and Mr. New Love did every position in the book during your torrid affairs in Cyber-Land, the reality might be that you’re a very shy and cautious lover. Once Mr. New Love really gets you between the sheets, the difference between Cyber-Land you and Real you might be very confusing to him. So confusing it might seem like a betrayal since you portrayed yourself to be one way when in fact you’re another. Sounds very much like lying, doesn’t it? And that’s never a good start to any relationship.

Pro -  Fantasies Can be Very Revealing

Not only can exploring each other’s sexual fantasies be a wonderful way to test out your sexual compatibility, but it can also lead to a whole slew of other insightful topics of conversation. Bringing up different sexual likes and dislikes can reveal where someone stands on a variety of socially political issues such as homosexuality, marriage, religion, feminism, etc. For example, when you are having cyber sex try shifting the fantasy toward something “taboo” and see how your partner reacts. It’s very easy to then bring up that topic later on for further clarification and discussion. There’s nothing like trying out a Nun/Priest role playing fantasy to bring out someone’s religious and political convictions!

Con – Your Writing Skills Don’t Match Your Sexual Skills

This problem can go one of two ways. Either you’re a fantastic writer who‘s bad in bed, or you’re a fantastic lover who can‘t write. In the first case, your partner may be disappointed the first time you “really” have sex since cyber (written) sex with you was mind-blowing due to your uncanny way with words. In the second case, your lack of verbal finesse might ruin your chances of ever getting your partner into your bed at all. If for some reason you believe your writing skills do not match your real sexual prowess, then it’s probably best to avoid cyber sex with your crush until after you’ve had physical sex with them at least once. That way no one will be unfortunately disappointed or unreasonably dissuaded from having sex with you.

Otherwise, Enjoy It!

Like most things, the decision to have cyber sex before physical sex with someone new is a gamble. The opportunity to explore each other sexually without having to worry about physical consequences, appearances, and social inhibitions is understandably tempting. My only words of caution are to remember that your cyber persona and actions will influence how your potential lover perceives you, as well as their expectations for your “real” first time together. However, if you’re a little mindful of these things and don’t go crazier in Cyber-Land than you would in your bedroom, then cyber sex can certainly add a lot of playful flirtations to those first few weeks of heart-racing acquaintanceship.

Related Posts

1. Q&A: Cyber Sex And Sexting – Is It OK?
2. 5 Reasons Hardcore Anal Sex Isn’t A Good Idea
3. Are There Any Good Free Dating Sites?
4. Sex: Physical Vs. Emotional And Why You Need To Know The Difference
5. Online Dating Question – I’m a Good Catch. Are all the Women in My Area Stupid?