Ask Dan and Jennifer » date rape

What To Do If You Think You’ve Been Raped

Kaylen Jackson — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 14:00:50 +0000

Whether you’ve been violently raped or have been a victim of date rape drugs and aren’t sure what happened, being raped is a frightening experience and many women just aren’t sure what to do afterwards. Here’s what you need to do if you’ve been raped or think you’ve been raped, so you can begin the healing process.

You’re Not Alone

Remember that if you’ve been raped, you’re not alone. About 10% of women are raped at some point during their lifetime. Know that you did nothing wrong and the rape wasn’t your fault, no matter what the rapist has told you. There is nothing shameful about getting help for rape, and it’s absolutely critical to take steps after being raped to get the proper medical attention and help for your emotional and psychological scars.

What Not To Do

It’s essential that after a rape that you do absolutely nothing except get immediate medical attention. Do not shower, bathe, brush your hair, douche, change clothes or even wash your hands. Go straight to the emergency room. If you’ve woken up after a night out and find that you’re clothes are torn or missing and you’re sore like you’ve had sex but don’t remember it, gather the clothing you were wearing the night before (especially your panties) and bring them to the emergency room with you. Your first instinct may be to take a nice long, hot shower to scrub the rape off you, but it’s incredibly important that you do exactly the opposite. Go to the emergency room right away with your hair a mess and your makeup smeared. No one is going to judge you – they’re going to help you.

What’s In A Rape Kit

At the emergency room, a forensic nurse or doctor will begin the process of collecting evidence, called a rape kit. A vaginal and anal swab will be taken to look for semen, and the undersides of your fingernails will be scraped for skin specimens. Your clothes will be taken and searched for bodily secretions, hairs, clothing fibers and other specimens. It’s going to be uncomfortable, especially after a rape, but it’s the only way to get enough evidence to catch and convict the criminal responsible for the rape. If you shower, wash your hands, brush your hair or teeth, or change your clothes, you’re destroying any chance the police have at finding the rapist. Remember that after the rape kit is finished, you can take as long a shower as you’d like and even burn the clothes you wore if you’d like.

Preventing Pregnancy And Treating STD’s

The other benefit to going directly to the hospital after you’ve been raped is that you can be given emergency contraception, known as the “morning after pill” to prevent pregnancy from the rape incident. You can also be treated for sexually transmitted diseases and infections, so the rape will have no long term effects on your life. While a rape itself is utterly devestating, a pregnancy or STD caused by the rape can wreak havoc on the rest of your life. Going straight to the emergency room and allowing trained and caring professionals to take care of you is the first step to healing, recovering, and putting the rape behind you.

What Are Date Rape Drugs?

Kaylen Jackson — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 14:00:39 +0000

Rape has been around for centuries – but date rape drugs haven’t. Recently, date rape drugs have become more popular among rapists and even seemingly regular guys, because it allows them to silently slip a drug into a girl’s drink to incapacitate them. Many girls who have been given date rape drugs are completely knocked out, with no memory of being raped at all. Date rape drugs are dangerous – here’s what you need to know about them.

Date Rape Drugs Explained

Various forms of date rape drugs are widely available on the street and aren’t often expensive. Drugs such as ketamine, rohypnol and gamma hydroxy butyrate (GHB) are all used to render a woman incapacitated, without the ability to say “no” to sex and often knock her out completely. These drugs are very popular among rapists because they don’t change the flavor, consistency or color of a drink and can easily be disguised. Other drugs can be used to create a similar effect, including over the counter cold medicines and sleeping pills, but these are more difficult to hide and can often be detected quickly. While women are more often the victims of date rape drugs, men can be targeted as well and these drugs have a similar effect on them.

How Do Date Rape Drugs Feel?

Date rape drugs can often make a woman feel very passive, and open or willing to do anything, like having sex. It may make her feel giddy, and she might make choices that she wouldn’t ordinarily make under different circumstances. Some women pass out, although not all of them do. Since date rape drugs often “erase” the memory of what happened while the drugs were in effect, it can be difficult to tell if a date rape drug was ever used on you. However, a severely “hung over” feeling will occur the morning after, but can often be confused with a normal alcohol related hangover. Unfortunately, there truly is no way of being sure whether you were given a date rape drug or not without a doctor’s test. Most of these drugs leave the body very quickly, often within just 48 or 72 hours, so it can be difficult to determine the use of a date rape drug unless the test is performed shortly after the suspected incident.

Protecting Yourself From Date Rape Drugs

Never take a drink from someone you don’t know very well, whether it is in a bottle or a glass. Watch your bartender make your drinks and take them yourself. Don’t allow a waiter or waitress or someone you don’t know well get your drinks for you. Always keep an eye – or a hand – on your drink. Never drink out of punchbowls and when you’re at a party, only accept drinks that are closed such as cans or bottles. If you suspect you or a friend have been given a date rape drug, or if you seem very intoxicated if you haven’t drank a lot of alcohol or any at all, leave immediately. There is technology that is available now called Drink Safe Technology, which uses test strips to test a drink for date rape drugs. Similar to pH testing strips that are available for pools, the test strip will turn a dark blue color if the drink is positive for a date rape drug.

Date rape doesn’t always happen in bars – check out What Is Date Rape to find out more about date rape and when it can happen.

What Is Date Rape?

Kaylen Jackson — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 14:00:06 +0000

When we think of rape, our minds automatically drift to a stranger crouching low in a dark alleyway as he waits for a girl – a runner, a student walking home from class, a woman unloading groceries from her car. It doesn’t matter to him who it is. But there is more than one kind of rape. About half of all rapes are considered “date rape.” The victim usually knows the perpetrator and may even have had sexual contact with him before. No still means no – even when you’re on a date.

What Is Date Rape?

Date rape usually occurs one a date, but doesn’t have to. With date rape, the victim often knows the rapist. Generally, women and girls are the more common victims of date rape, but it happens to boys and men too. Date rape is considered unwilling, forced sex with someone you’re friends with, have a relationship with or are on a date with. While getting to know someone or going on a date with them usually doesn’t end in rape, it can. It’s time to shed light on the fact that a rapist isn’t just a creepy unshaven guy who hangs out in parking lots waiting to rape. It can be the cute guy at the coffeehouse who asked for your phone number or the seemingly harmless guy you met on Facebook. It can even be your boyfriend.

No Means No

Sometimes the lines aren’t clear when it comes to date rape. Some people believe that if a girl wears provocative clothes to a club or on a date that she’s looking for sex or sexual attention. Others believe that if a girl has previously had sex or any type of sexual contact with a man that it doesn’t matter if she says “no” this time. These are myths – no always means no, no matter what you’re wearing, who you’re with and whether you’ve kissed them before or had intercourse with them before. If you’ve made yourself clear that you do not want to have sex, if you are forced to do so, it is considered rape or date rape and you are not at fault.

Preventing Date Rape

Following your instincts is one of the best ways to stay safe – if you feel uneasy or uncomfortable, don’t try to talk yourself out of it. Listen to your gut – if you feel like you should leave somewhere or get away from someone, do it even if it seems silly. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help if you feel as though you’re in a dangerous situation. It’s better to be safe than sorry! Be sober and get familiar with your surroundings when you’re out and about, and if you’re with a partner, avoid being alone with them until you really get to know them. Be up front and honest about sex and make sure you’re clear on what you want. Don’t seem unsure, because date rapists can take advantage of that. Let your partner know exactly what is okay and what isn’t okay, and don’t appear undecided about it. Be calm and confident!

All In Good Fun – Or Date Rape? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 13:00:18 +0000

Everyone has different fetishes and fantasies when it comes to sex. Its part of what makes us dynamic and charismatic as human beings.We all like different things.

Where do you draw the line though? Is there a fetish or fantasy that is wrong to take part in? Are there fetishes or fantasies that shouldn’t be satisfied? How do you know how much is too much?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Is it weird if I like to knock my girlfriend out and have sex with her without her knowing?

– Dave, Ohio

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Two Consenting Adults

There are a few things you can look at when you’re trying to decide if your fetish or fantasy crosses the line. First of all, is the activity between two consenting adults?

That’s the biggie. If it’s an adult and an underage person, it definitely crosses the line. If it’s an adult and an unconsenting adult, it’s considered rape or date rape.

This can be if they’re saying no or if you’ve drugged them or knocked them out. Generally speaking, unless the sexual activity is being performed between two consenting adults, it is definitely too much. If you find yourself wanting or needing to be a part of a sexual activity that includes an underage person or an unconsenting adult, seek help. There are a number of good, unbiased counselors that can help you through what you’re experiencing.

Causing Harm

So you’ve passed the first test. Your sexual fetish or fantasy is something that takes place between two consenting adults. The second test is whether or not it causes a great deal of harm

to a person. Sure, a little pain and pleasure never really hurt anyone, but you need to take a look at whether you’re doing serious damage…