Ask Dan and Jennifer » dating mistakes

13 Deadly Mistakes to Avoid on a Date

Alex Strandberg — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 13:58:21 +0000

Have you ever been excited about a date only to end up spending the night alone and frustrated? Staying up half the night asking yourself ‘What went wrong?’

I know I have many times. After each date ended badly I walked away feeling powerless over my dating life. It felt like there was something that I wasn’t getting that most men did.

I believe if guys avoid these 13 deadly mistakes like it was the plague, their chances of getting a second date would dramatically improve. I choose the unlucky number thirteen because when it comes to dating making these mistakes will cause you to be very unlucky.

1. Not Breathing

First dates can be nerve wrecking. The pressure can be so high that you feel like you have swallowed a whole jar of butterflies. Sweaty palms and nervous ticks can be greatly reduced by sitting back and breathing.

If you ever find anxiety building up inside of yourself focus on taking long deep breaths. This will allow you to calm yourself down and get back to enjoying the date.

2. Being Too Far Away From Your Date

How can you go in for a kiss if she is five feet away? You can’t, so get a little closer to her. Guys tend to end up in the friend zone far too often because they aren’t getting close enough to the girl. Friends keep their distance while lovers come in a little too close for comfort.

Don’t start out the night two inches away from her face because it will creep her out. Work your way from a distance and get closer and closer as the night goes on.

3. Wanting Her to Like You

Nothing spells neediness like wanting her approval. It is the number one attraction killer. If you are desperate for her to like you don’t be surprised when she gets a call from a friend telling her that a family member has been in an emergence and she needs to go to the hospital right away.

Instead of trying to get her to like you ask yourself if you like her. When you qualify a woman, your insecurities and fears are greatly reduced. You are now in a position of choice instead getting her to approve of you.

4. Saying Sorry Too Many Times

Saying sorry too often is a very unhealthy habit. You say sorry and she thinks, “Oh God not another nice guy.” Accidents happen and are automatically forgiven, that’s why they are accidents. There is no need to say sorry every time you accidentally bump into her or make a minor mistake.

If you do something horrible like telling her that her ass is fat or spilling a drink in her new purse, then it requires a sincere apology. Anything beyond psychological or physical damage doesn’t warrant an apology.

5. Taking Her Out to Dinner….

5 First Date Mistakes Men Make That End In Heartbreak – And How You Can Avoid Them

Michael Webb — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 14:52:48 +0000

Let’s face it you never get a second chance to make a first impression!

That’s why, if you want to take things further with a woman, you need to show her your best on the very first date.

And in actual fact, there are 5 things that men consistently do on first dates that totally destroy their chances of seeing the woman again, and the worst part is they think they’re doing it right!

Avoid the following 5 mistakes to increase your chances of fun and creative date ideas:

Mistake #1: Buying gifts

Bringing chocolate or flowers on a first date isn’t the best idea – especially if you’ve just met the woman! She’s there to get to know YOU. Women are always asking themselves "what does THAT mean?" And in this case it’s, "He bought me flowers because he likes me, but he doesn’t even know anything about me yet! A little suspicious.

Mistake #2: Being Mr. Serious

When in the presence of a potential date, men often become boring, instead of keeping up the friendly vibe they have with their friends. They won’t make jokes or laugh with the woman, they won’t play around like they do with their friends and they generally take things a little too seriously.

Why do men change their behavior around women, often without even realizing they’re doing it? Because they fear losing their only chance with the girl of their dreams, they try and play the safe side, which results in a “Mr. Serious.”

Mistake #3: Conducting an Interview

When men become "Mr. Serious" they often fall into "job interview conversation mode." Make sure you reserve questions like, "So where do you work?" or "How many brothers and sisters do you have?" for the future, after you’ve already had a lot of fun and made the sparks fly. Instead, talk about your hobbies, interesting stories and fun stuff.

Avoid anything too deep for a long period of time. On a first date, it can make things a little depressing. Talk like you’ve known each other for years (as if you don’t need to do the awkward 20-questions quiz.) Of course you can ask basic questions, but never make it the main focus of your date. Focus on fun.

Mistake #4: Being too needy and direct

Without realizing it, many guys turn their dates off by trying a little too hard. For example: Men will lean into a woman’s personal space, and ask, "so do you like me?" or constantly change his opinion to seek her approval and make her like him. Big mistake.

Ironically, it’s leaning back, staying cool and calm, being a little cheeky, interesting, mysterious and comfortable with yourself that actually gets a woman’s attention and keeps her interested.

Mistake #5: Going to boring places

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Top 10 Most Common Online Dating Mistakes

Natalie Lue — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 14:32:24 +0000

Not having any luck dating online?

You may be making these mistakes.

1. Being a Winking, IM’ng, and Email Whore

Imagine if you went to a club and winked at someone all night, maybe even leered at them and you hadn’t introduced yourself yet?

Imagine that you kept knocking on someone’s door or leaving umpteen messages for them even though they didn’t so much as know your name?

Yes…they probably would think you were strange and potentially a stalker….

Dating online on one hand puts distance between people but in another way creates an immediacy and intensity that can become very uncomfortable when you don’t know or barely know the person.

Slow your roll and don’t bombard. Remember that all you have seen is a photo, read a profile, or even had a brief bit of communication.

2. Using Sexual References in Profile Names

I don’t care how big your penis is, how great you are in bed, how big your boobs are, or anything else to do with sex. Would you wear a sign around your neck broadcasting these things in the ‘real’ world? Oh hell no!

Using sexual references in your profile name set the tone from the outset and establish you as someone who is on the pull, looking for sex. Whilst you may think that it helps you stand out, you will do, but it won’t be for the right reasons.

3. Not reading the profile – RFTP

This is what I call ‘Read The Effing Profile’! Let’s take it back to the real world again. Imagine that I advertise to fill the position of ‘Software Engineer,

Must have 3 years experience minimum and be proficient in X, Y, Z’ and I get inundated with people who have never done this job, are proficient in A, B, and C, but not X,Y, and Z. It is annoying!

Now I know that this is dating and we’re all hoping that that special someone will give us a chance, but considering that the very basis of online dating is filling out a profile and stating your criteria, it seems very redundant that the bulk of people don’t bother to read the profile…

4. Focusing on sexually charged conversation

I am amazed at how quickly people go from winking, to talking about sex and flashing their private parts over email! If you were having this type of contact so quickly in the ‘real’ world, it is likely that things wouldn’t go anywhere serious very fast…and it’s the same in the virtual world.

If all you want is some sexual fun, knock yourself out, but be wary of engaging in this type of sexual banter if you are genuinely on the lookout for a relationship because it does set the tone.

5. Lousy Photos

Either use a decent one or don’t bother. Out of focus, fake ones, pictures of anything but you, confusing ones with kids and other women or men in them. You get the picture.

Choose a photo that has you looking at your best. You are effectively advertising yourself to a prospective date and whilst it isn’t about the superficial, once you decide to use a photo, use a good one because it is likely to be what is used to determine whether to read the profile (yes some people do this) or make contact.

6. Bad spelling and grammar

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