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Start Slow

If you’ve never talked dirty before with your partner, you definitely don’t want to jump in feet first. Avoid being vulgar at first, and start slow. Start by simply vocalizing your enjoyment during sex and see if she likes it. Try describing what you’re doing to her, what you want to do or what you are ab0ut to do. Watch her facial expressions and body language to tell if she likes it or not. Go with the flow and let her show you if she wants you to take it further.

It’s Not What You Say, But How You Say It

Your tone of voice and attitude is more important than the words you’re saying when you’re talking dirty. It’s important to be genuine when talking dirty to your partner, because it’s easy to see right through you if you fake it. Take the time to get to know your partner sexually, and don’t be afraid to ask your partner what she likes and what turns her on. You want to tailor your “dirty” talk to what turns her on. For example, a woman may be very turned on by romantic talk, such as hearing how much you love her during sex. A woman on this wavelength is going to become very offended by vulgar dirty talk. On the other side of the spectrum, however, a woman who really gets off on vulgarity is not going to want to hear anything romantic. Try talking about your fantasies with your partner, or talking about her fantasies. Describe them, act them out and roleplay them. You can even incorporate costumes and toys when you and your partner begin to incorporate dirty talk more and more into your sexual habits.

The Possession Theme

One “dirty talk” theme that many women enjoy is “possession.” Talk about how your partner is “yours” and how she “belongs to you.” Say, “I want you, you’re mine.” There is very little risk involved in this type of dirty talk, because women in a relationship generally like to have a claim staked on them, even if it’s just in the bedroom and between you and her. She wants to know that she’s yours and that she’s attractive to you and you want her. As you become more comfortable with talking dirty with your partner during sex, you can use the possession theme in a romantic way or in a dirtier, sexy way.

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It all starts with whether or not she feels comfortable enough with herself. If she is comfortable with herself, she will begin to let go of the doubt she has over dressing in that skimpy lingerie, talking dirty during sex, or whatever else she may otherwise be inclined to hide for fear of being rejected. Getting your wife to be more seductive begins with making her feel more attractive and accepted.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

 

My wife and I are very sexually active, but I’m getting rather bored. She wants to have sex but that seems like that’s ALL she wants to do.

 

How can I get her to talk dirty and to seduce me?. She seems to be too self conscious about her body and thinks that it’s "silly" and only happens in the movies.

 

Please help.

 

–Paul, Washington 

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Dressing sexy

No matter how good a woman looks to you, chances are she doesn’t see the same thing you do when she looks in the mirror. It is a scary notion to step in front of someone naked only to have them recoil in disgust. Many women have this very fear, so they are often afraid to dress in sexy, skimpy clothes. 

Imagine if someone dressed you in a loincloth and threw you in front of a stranger. You’d feel very exposed and tense.  Chances are pretty good that you would also feel a bit embarrassed about standing in front of someone with barely anything to cover you.

Even if you have been married to someone for years, it can still feel awkward or uncomfortable to stand in front of someone with next to no clothes on. This is where feeling comfortable with her body comes in. If you let your wife know that you think she is beautiful and talk with her about trying new things to be more seductive, then you are taking steps in the right direction.

Ask her to simply try dressing seductive, and if she feels uncomfortable she can stop. This lets her be in control and if you show interest in her while encouraging her to let go of her doubt about herself, then you have opened the doorway for you and your wife to experiment with new areas of arousal and sexual excitement.

Talk dirty to her

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