Romance For Men: Following The Platinum Rule For A Better Relationship

Phil Eastley — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 02:00:37 +0000

The Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” is often promoted as the most important standard to maintain a rewarding relationship with the rest of the world. When it comes to romance, though, the Golden Rule has probably hurt more relationships than it has helped, since there’s often a distinct difference between what a man wants and what a woman wants.

Keeping Romance Alive With The Platinum Rule

Fewer people have heard of the Platinum Rule, which says “Do unto others as they want you to do unto them.” Following the Platinum Rule is a much better way to keep romance alive in your relationship, but for most men, simply following the rule is the easy part. Finding out exactly what a woman wants can be a difficult thing for men to do, especially since every person’s desires evolve over the course of a relationship. Applying the Platinum Rule to your relationship can dramatically improve your satisfaction, but it also requires consistent attention to identify her desires.

The most obvious way to find out how she wants to be treated romantically is by asking her. While we promote good old-fashioned romance on our website, and we will always believe that it will lead to more happiness in most relationships, we also realize that there are some women who might not like the type of gallant attention that it calls for. Some women simply don’t like classically romantic overtures, and measuring her reaction when you bring up topics of amour can give you a clue to what kind of a partner she really wants.

Being Empathetic To Satisfy Your Partner

In some cases, the best way to find out how she wants to be treated is through good old empathy. Your wife or girlfriend might not be able to really tell you what she thinks about romance, but you should know her well enough to put yourself in her shoes for a while. Does romantic behavior embarrass or intimidate her, or does she light up at small loving gestures and actions? Will it take some consistent effort to get her used to being romantic, or is she more comfortable with you treating each other as peers and friends? Old-fashioned romance can seem outdated and schmaltzy to some women nowadays, and there’s nothing wrong with that opinion.

Using the Platinum Rule and treating her as she wants to be treated will inevitably lead to more romance and satisfaction in your relationship, even if you discover she isn’t as interested in overt physical affection on a regular basis.

View Obstacles As Positive Challenges

There’s no single formula for successful couples, and what works for you will have a lot to do with your partner’s unique personality and the dynamics of your relationship. Just remember one important rule of thumb: if her romantic desires don’t mesh perfectly with yours, look at it as a challenge, not a hindrance.

Perhaps most importantly, using the Platinum Rule in your relationship will likely lead to a great return on your investment. Once she sees how dedicated you are to treating her as she wants to be treated, she will be much more likely to take the time to do the same for you, as well.

How The Power of Empathy Can Improve Your Relationships

Lisa Brookes Kift — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 15:15:48 +0000

Back massage? Flowers and candles? Sexual favors? Yes, all of these help keep the fires of a relationship burning. But have you ever considered the power of empathy?

Empathy in a relationship continues to fuel the stuff of really long lasting relationships because, I believe, most people desire to feel like their partner not only “gets” them but cares about how they’re feeling on a deeper level.

As far as long term relationships go, this level of attunement trumps massages, romantic gestures and sex as all of these wonderful elements have natural ends to them.

The benefit of being empathetic towards your mate is that it constantly reinforces your relationship foundation – and the payoff is enduring.

“So what is empathy?”

According to the Webster dictionary, empathy is, “The action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.” Empathy may be a ‘given’ in your relationship and if it is, consider yourself lucky.

Many people are keenly aware of the lack of empathy from their partners. I know this because I have worked with many couples who report low levels of empathy in their relationships – which has usually morphed into high levels of resentment.

I’ve found that the more successful couples have figured out that being tuned into each other on this level can only bring them closer. They check in with each other more (emotionally), are good listeners and tune in well to the one another’s needs. Partners who are empathetic to each other tend to notice more readily when something is bothering the other and be open for discussion about whatever is the matter. This creates an environment where they both feel cared for.

I think we all can agree that we all want to feel cared for by the people that matter the most to us.

“What are some ways to show my partner empathy?”

An easy way is to be a good listener. Then you take that up a notch and see if you can put yourself in their shoes in how they might be feeling about whatever situation they’re talking about.

For example, your partner says, “I felt really hurt when you didn’t call me back like you said you would.” An empathetic response would be something like, “I’m so sorry – I totally forgot. I can completely understand why you’d be disappointed.” An example of a response lacking empathy would look this way, “Why are you always so sensitive? It’s no big deal.” Ouch.

I think most people are empathetic by nature but I suspect we simply forget. If you find yourself hitting a speed bump with your partner, remember these words about the power of empathy. It’s a wise investment in the future of a long lasting, healthy and loving relationship.

To learn more about Lisa Brookes Kift, visit The Therapy and Counseling Blog.