Yikes.

But ED is actually very common, and often only temporary. Most guys out there will be able to remember one drunken night that they couldn’t quite make it happen. In fact anything from one too many hamburgers, to ill health, to how stressed you’re feeling about your job can have an effect on your ability to get it up.

Here are some of the most common reasons why ED may happen to you:

1. Reduced Blood Flow To The Penis

Hands down the most common cause of ED in over 40s is that not enough blood is flowing to your penis to make it hard. This is caused by a narrowing of the arteries which is a natural part of getting older. However, you may want to eliminate the environmental factors that can make it worse.

2. Smoking And Poor Diet

Yep these are the two things you think of straight away as a cause of bad health and poor circulation. Smoking and high cholesterol foods (that would be your favourite pizza) constrict and clog the arteries respectively. The result? Crappy erections. The penis is no different to any other area of your body. For your penis to be fit, you have to be fit too.

3. Lack Of Exercise

Remember sex is a cardiovascular activity, which puts it in the same bracket as running! So if you think you’d collapse after two minutes on the treadmill, the chances of you getting a high quality erection are slim. The more physically fit you are, the more efficiently your heart pumps blood, the stronger your erections will be.

There are other physical causes of ED: like Multiple Sclerosis, cycling, and a lack of testosterone.

This is rarer though than psychological factors like stress: which are in fact the most common cause of ED.

4. Stress

Yep that same feeling of ‘headache’ caused by your boss setting you an unreasonable deadline, or worrying about your parents’ ill health, can be the same psychological burden that stops you from performing. ED that sets on suddenly is usually due to stress. So if you’re having a tough time personally, as well as professionally; often fixing what’s going on in the work place will help fix what’s not happening in the bedroom.

5. Anxiety

Erectile dysfunction pretty much sums up the saying ‘negative cycle.’ If you have ED once then it can quickly become a repeat offender: because not having the erections you want is stressful. Best way forward is to take the pressure off. Enjoy non-penetrative activities with your partner, don’t focus on your erection and you can break the cycle.

So while the bad news is that ED is pretty common, particularly as you age; it is also often temporary. Making sure you have good health, a happy head and positive relationships will do a lot to counterbalance the most common causes of ED.

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Embrace male masturbation as a great way to relieve sexual frustration, help prevent prostate cancer, relieve painful headaches, give yourself a good mood boost or even help you sleep. There are a number of awesome benefits that you can reap. Encourage your partner to masturbate as well. Check out our best tips this year – and take a look at the best female sex tips of 2011 – and make next year even better when it comes to learning new and different ways to satisfy yourself!

• Advanced Masturbation Techniques – Using Sex Toys (Video)
• Is It Unhealthy To Masturbate Daily? (Video)
• How To Enhance Your Orgasm – For Men
• Can Masturbation Cause A Penis To Break? (Video)
• 6 Ways To Make Male Masturbation Better Than Sex
• How To Use A Masturbation Sleeve On Him

Don’t forget to check out some of our all time favorite male masturbation articles!

• Q&A: Masturbation – Does It Make Sex Better? (Video)
• Q&A: What To Do When Masturbation Gets Boring (Video)
• Q&A: What’s The Best Way To Masturbate If You’re A Guy? (Video)
• Masturbation – 3 Ways To Make It Feel More Like A Vagina (Video)
• 6 Things You Didn’t Know About Semen (Video)
• 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Penises (Video)
  

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Is It Your Fault?

Not every man (especially those above the age of forty) has the ability to swiftly get an erection and keep his penis hard during fellatio or at other times as well, even if his partner is completely arousing him. If your partner has difficulty getting or keeping an erection, it is important that you do not beat yourself up emotionally about it! This does not mean that you are not arousing him or that you are not “sexy” or “good” enough.

What To Say When He Can’t Maintain His Erection

You must also be careful about what you say when this happens. Men in general are very sensitive about the size of their penis and whether or not they can get an erection and keep one. Remarks, although seemingly harmless to you, may have long-term ego scarring that can affect future fellatio sessions. Better to avoid this at all and be supportive of your partner should he have difficulty getting or keeping an erection.

Getting Him To Relax

This is an important first step in beginning fellatio on a man who has difficulty obtaining and/or maintaining an erection. Physical and emotional stress (particularly if the stress is in relation to the sexual act about to be performed) your partner may find it difficult to get aroused, even if he has never had this happen before. There are several ways you can reduce anxiety before performing oral sex.

Turn down the lights. If your partner is at all self conscious about the way he looks down there or in general, turning the lights down or completely off may help take the visual focus off him and allow him to relax. If you’re planning on incorporating some visual techniques into your fellatio session, however, complete darkness isn’t going to work here. Candles are an excellent thing to have – everyone looks great in candlelight! The soft, flickering lighting will provide you with enough light to do your job (no pun intended) while discreetly hiding any physical flaws that he may be worried about.

You can also give him an erotic massage. While this is traditionally something that women enjoy getting from men but that does not mean that a good rubdown will not relax your partner and help get him into the mood. Grab some scented oil or plain lotion if you prefer and get to work! Stay focused in the neck and shoulder area and don’t be afraid to let your thumbs gently work their way in between the creases of his muscles – this is where the endorphins (those awesome, feel-good hormones) are released from.

Using Kissing And Communication

You can kiss him everywhere – his body and his lips. But a great make-out session before going down on your partner can help bring a slack penis to attention by mimicking on his lips what you’ll be doing to his penis in a few minutes. He will begin to imagine the way your lips will feel below his waist and by the time you get there, his penis might very well be ready for it! This is also a great turn-on for men that do not have difficulty getting an erection.

Your attitude plays a big part here, ladies. If your partner has difficulty getting or keeping an erection, it is important that you discuss with him things that you can do to help alleviate the situation in a non-judgmental way. And we really do mean non- judgmental here! If your partner even gets a whiff of a frustrated or upset attitude from you, he will most likely shut down completely. But it is important that you and your partner have this discussion, because although we list several things that may help you to give your partner an erection, none of them are foolproof and they are certainly not tailored to the individual guy. If you can get him to open up, your man could give you the key to what gets him hot and erect. Just be loving, supportive and open-minded.

How To Stimulate His Penis

Whether be it by handjob or with your mouth, it is important to give your partner’s penis some direct stimulation if you find that he has difficulty getting an erection. If you’re saving the oral stimulation for the main act, you can gently use your hands to bring his penis to life. Remember, a flaccid penis is a sensitive one so techniques that you would use on an erect penis can sometimes still apply here. Just be gentle! Stroke his penis and touch it tenderly, the way you would want to be touched to get aroused. Would you want your partner instantly rubbing your clitoris when you haven’t been warmed up at all? Exactly. Give him some stimulation and some time to get fully aroused if you and your partner find yourselves in this type of situation.

Pay attention to his head. Yes, the head of his penis. This is where the majority of the sensitive nerve endings are bundled up and what better way to get your partner’s penis erect than to give it a jump start! Try to stay away from areas that you know don’t have a whole lot of nerve endings, such as the base of the penis, because in reality it will be wasted effort. If you and your partner have had successful oral sex before, try some of his favorite techniques to get him going. Just experiment with what feels good to him and you should be off to the races in no time!

Begin licking immediately. You don’t have to wait for your partner to be hard before putting his penis in your mouth. Although with fellatio, the man is generally aroused beforehand, this is not always the case. It actually feels quite pleasurable for the man to have his entire penis wrapped up in your hot, warm mouth. With bigger penises, the only way to do this is while he is soft! Generally, a man who has difficulty getting an erection will begin to get hard while you are in the starting stages of fellatio. Just be patient and give him some time.

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Before you and your man are going to ravage each other beneath the sheets, in the kitchen, in the shower or wherever you both end up getting naughty, you have to get your man in the mood and ready to go. Foreplay is crucial to how your sex session will play out that night and if you want to make it a memorable one for your man, you better make sure he is ready and raring to go.

How Much Is Enough?

A lot of women assume that just stroking your man a few times and kissing him passionately is going to be enough. It might be enough for him physically to get aroused but women often forget that men need that mental stimulation as well. Not only does getting him aroused mentally help with his stamina and arousal, but it also helps to give him a mind blowing orgasm at the end of it.

Slow And Steady

Pacing is key when it comes to pleasing your man in the bedroom. If you move too fast, you run the risk of slipping up and causing him some pain. Not only that, but if you move too fast, you can also cause his stamina to become effected in a negative way, making sex a less than enjoyable experience for you.

With the right pacing, starting off slow and gradually increasing stimulation, you are on the right path to getting him rock hard and ready for far more fun. This also plays an important role in any stimulation you choose. Whether you are touching him, talking to him, rubbing him, or licking him, you always want to start off slow and end strong.

Confidence Is Key

You can’t expect your man to be drooling over you and begging for more if you don’t believe that you are capable of doing just that. Without confidence, you are like a deer in headlights in the bedroom and that surely isn’t going to get your man rock hard in a matter of seconds.

If you really want to get him going and wanting you bad, you need to believe in yourself and your sexuality. Most men would agree that the sexiest quality about a woman is her confidence. The more a woman knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to get it, the more a man loves her. Men love women who aren’t afraid to have the power and to work it to their advantage.

Go Down On Him

A lot of women assume that once you go down on a man, you had better finish or else you aren’t giving him the total satisfaction that he is craving. This is incorrect. Of course, if you are using oral sex as the main event for the evening and the only stimulation that you plan on giving him, naturally you will want to make sure that he has an orgasm.

However, if you plan on doing way more to him over the course of the night, you can most definitely use a blowjob as precursor to sex. Feeling your warm lips all over his most sensitive area will easily get him rock hard in seconds. Plus, this is an unconventional way of getting your man going for foreplay. His whole idea of foreplay might change just because of this.

Make His Fantasies Come True

Every man would be lying if he didn’t say that he had a fantasy of having his own private striptease show. Men like going to see women strip for a reason – it turns them on. Maybe he isn’t looking to get pleasure from a stripper but guaranteed that woman up on stage is making him feel something between his legs. If you really want to surprise him and get him going in seconds, getting in touch with your inner bad girl and putting on a secret strip show for him is just what the doctor ordered.

Dirty Talk

You’d be surprised to know how useful your voice can be in the bedroom. Too many women refrain from being vocal in the bedroom and that is a true shame. You can easily get your man aroused in seconds just from whispering something sexy and seductive into his ear. Pressing your body against him, and saying something along the lines of “I can’t wait to taste you later” will surely get him going.

Having confidence will help in this tip but once you can hone in on your sexual confidence, you can use your voice to do all sorts of things to him. Remember how much men love women who are unafraid to say what they want and to get it so be that woman for him and he will have something waiting for you underneath those pants.

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A Cock Ring

A cock ring is an absolute must have sex toy if you experience erectile dysfunction at all. You definitely want one if ED is something you struggle with often, but don’t be afraid to get your hands on a decent cock ring even if you’ve only had one or two fluke ED episodes. You want to have it on hand in case you’re with a girl and it happens again, but you really don’t want to make a big deal about it. If you have a cock ring, you can put it on before your erection goes away and it will keep the blood trapped in the penis and keep it erect.

Soft jelly cock rings are most likely your best bet, because the metal ones can be difficult to get off. If your penis swells up when you have a metal cock ring on, you may not be able to get it off – and you’d have to go to the emergency room! You can also use a vibrating cock ring if your partner has trouble reaching orgasm through sexual intercourse alone.

A Penis Pump

If you have trouble getting an erection at all, a penis pump is going to be your best friend. A good penis pump will help pump the blood into your penis, making it erect. However, you will want to use a penis pump in conjunction with a cock ring, or the blood will just flow back out of the penis. Once you’ve used the pump, slip the cock ring on and it will keep your erection in place!

Never, ever use a vacuum cleaner as a penis pump! You could seriously hurt yourself this way. Always use a penis pump that has been manufactured with quality materials by a reputable company. If there is too much suction (like with a vacuum cleaner) you could cause the small blood vessels in the penis to break, causing bruising. This can be painful! Stick to making your purchase from a reputable company that has great feedback.

A Prostate Massager

Guys that don’t like anal play might freak out a little bit here, but try – just try – to keep an open mind. If erectile dysfunction really causes problems in your life and in your relationships, you might be a little more willing to try prostate massage. Some people refer to the prostate as the “male g-spot” and for good reason – this gland, when stimulated, can turn a man on, give him a rock hard erection and give him an orgasm in very quick succession. If you’ve never tried prostate stimulation but continue to struggle with ED, you may want to give it a go.

When selecting any anal toy, you want to start small and work your way up. You don’t want to grab the largest thing you see thinking that bigger is better – because when it comes to any type of anal sex, bigger is definitely NOT always better. A teeny tiny butt plug can actually do the job pretty well, and it’s a perfect way to get started.

As you become more experienced with prostate stimulation, you can graduate to larger toys – but you can stay small if you want to. The idea here is to use prostate stimulation as a way to achieve and maintain an erection, so go with what does the job the best. And of course, remember to use lube! You never, ever want to try to insert an anal toy (no matter how small it is) without adequate lube. At best it just won’t go in and at worst it will be very, very painful!

When To See The Doctor

If you’ve tried sex toys for erectile dysfunction and still struggle with it, it may be time to make an appointment with your doctor. ED can also be treated with medications and other types of therapy, and your doctor is the best person to recommend what is right for you. Talk with your doctor about possible underlying causes and what your options are!

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What Is A “Viagra” Condom?

A new condom is being tested in the UK that is lined with a gel that is designed to stimulate blood flow to the penis and result in better, longer and harder erections. This same gel is used in patients with angina and other heart problems to improve blood flow to the heart. By using the gel in a condom, it is believed that the vasodilating components in the gel will increase the blood flow directly in the penis.

Contrary to popular belief, the “Viagra” condom is actually not affiliated at all with the company that manufactures Viagra. The condom was only coined with this term due to the possibility that it will give a man a rock hard erection while using it.

Will It Cure Erectile Dysfunction?

If you’re with a monogamous partner, you may not want to use a condom in a situation like this, especially if you and your partner are using different forms of birth control or are trying to get pregnant. There are lots of effective treatments for erectile dysfunction for those who are in partnerships or marriages and don’t require the use of a condom. For this reason, the condom is not being marketed as a treatment for erectile dysfunction only, but rather at men who don’t like wearing condoms.

Improving The Desire To Use Contraception

Instead of aiming the product towards men with erectile dysfunction, it is being marketed towards men who don’t enjoy wearing condoms. Many men report that an erection is difficult to get or maintain when wearing a condom, because sexual sensitivity is reduced even in thinner condoms. A lot of men choose not to use them for this reason alone. The UK company creating the “Viagra” condoms reports that if men had more of an incentive to use a condom – such as not having any erection problems during use – they would be more likely to choose safer sex over going bareback.

Some men experience impotency only occasionally (and in some cases, men experience only a single episode of ED or have episodes very rarely), so conventional treatments for ED may not work well for these men. A “Viagra” condom would be an effective way to treat ED that happens only occasionally, rather than seeking the aid of systemic medications that have a number of side effects.

Are They Available In The U.S.?

Right now, these condoms are being tested in the UK and they are expected to pass regulatory inspections and be manufactured in the UK within the next year. At present, scientists are working on stabilizing the gel within the condom so that it only touches the penis during sex. They also want to make sure the gel doesn’t break down or degrade latex, making the condom ineffective.

However, if these condoms work well and are readily accepted by the public, it won’t be long before they’re introduced in the United States and are available for purchase anywhere regular condoms are sold.

Other Treatments For ED

Erectile dysfunction is common in the United States and can happen to men of any age – although older men tend to experience this more than younger men. There are a variety of treatments for ED, including:

• Herbal supplements
• Viagra or Cialis
• Creams and gels
• Penis pumps
• Surgery (in very rare cases)

However, if you struggle with erection problems, all you may need to do is live a healthier lifestyle. ED can be caused by a variety of things, including smoking, heart disease, diabetes and high blood pressure, using illegal drugs or some prescription medications, and not eating healthy, vitamin rich foods.

By making a few simple lifestyle changes such as eliminating smoking or using drugs and exercising and eating healthier, you may be able to conquer erectile dysfunction without the need for medical intervention, medications and supplements.

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What Is A Penile Fracture?

A man’s member doesn’t break in the same sense that a bone would break, because there aren’t any bones in the penis. However, it can fracture and here’s what the Mayo Clinic has to say about it:

During an erection, the penis is engorged with blood. If the penis is bent suddenly or forcefully while it’s engorged, the trauma may rupture the lining of one of the two muscular cylinders in the penis responsible for erections — resulting in a penis fracture.

When The Penis Can Break

The penis can fracture during especially vigorous masturbation, but it can also happen during rough sex or when engaging in awkward sex positions. A man is generally careful with his package, especially since the scrotum and testicles are so sensitive, but it is especially important to be careful with the penis as well.

What Indicates A Fracture?

A fracture isn’t something you’re going to miss or think you “might” have. This is something you (and your partner if you’re having sex) are going to be aware of immediately. A fracture is characterized by a loud “cracking” sound, followed by extreme pain and the immediate loss of erection, as well as a deep, dark bruise that spreads over the area very quickly.

What To Do In The Event Of A Fracture

If you’ve experienced a fracture of the penis during masturbation or during sex, it’s important to seek medical attention immediately. Don’t bother driving yourself to the hospital or even having your partner drive you to the emergency room. In a case like this, you will probably want to dial 911.

A doctor will give you pain medicine right away and will most likely recommend some type of surgery to correct the problem. If you leave a penile fracture alone (but chances are, you’re not going to want to see if it “goes away on it’s own”), it can create more serious problems such as having a malformed penis or experiencing erectile dysfunction – being unable to get or maintain an erection at all.

Don’t be embarassed about going to the doctor or seeking medical attention for a problem like this – your doctor has seen it all before and you’ll be very sorry if you didn’t go get treated just because you were embarrassed.

How To Prevent A Fracture

While some people like rough sex and enjoy the feeling of pain mixed with pleasure, you need to be especially aware of pain during sex. If something hurts, don’t do it! Communicate with your partner and let them know what you like and don’t like – and what feels painful to you. If something starts to hurt, stop immediately and find something else that is fun and pleasurable! Sex toys such as a masturbation sleeve – which is soft and usually made of jelly-like silicone – can feel fantastic and it’s very unlikely that you will get a fracture if you pleasure yourself this way.

More Common Injuries During Masturbation

While penis fractures are actually quite rare, there are more common injuries that can happen during masturbation:

• Chafing from not using lube. Lube is inexpensive and available almost everywhere. Not only will a good water or silicone based lube help it feel better and give you better orgasms, it will also help keep you from chafing!
• Skin reactions from using lotions, shampoos and other products not designed for use on the genitals. While it may seem like a good idea to just use the shampoo or soap in the shower when you want to do your business, the fragrances and additives in these products can easily irritate the sensitive skin of the penis. Play it safe and use lube!
• Bruising or soreness if masturbating very hard. Again, if it hurts, stop! You don’t have to masturbate hard or fast to have a great experience. Go easy on yourself so you don’t hurt anything.
• Urinary tract infections, especially when using products like lotions or soaps not designed to be using while masturbating. The products can easily get into the urethra through the opening in the head of the penis and can not only burn or irritate the penis, they can also cause nasty infections that require a doctor’s care and a prescription for antibiotics to get rid of. Again, proper lubrication really makes a difference when masturbating.

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The Penis CAN Break

Believe it or not, even though the penis isn’t a bone, it can break. A “break” is most often called a “penile fracture” and can happen during rough sex or even vigorous masturbation. A penile fracture happens when the tough, fibrous tissue around the penis experiences sudden trauma, and a cracking sound is often heard – along with immediately losing the erection and a large bruise appearing very quickly. This condition requires immediate medical treatment.

Erections Can Be Random

Most of the time, an erection happens when the penis is either physically stimulated or a man becomes psychologically aroused. However, erections can be completely random and can happen when a man is being neither physically or psychologically stimulated sexually. As embarrassing as it is, a man can have an erection at the most inopportune times, such as at a funeral. The next time your man pops a boner, it may not be because the hot girl you thought he was looking at – it might be “just because!”

The Average Penis Size Is Actually Quite Small

Men are obsessed with their penis size – they usually think that theirs is too small, or much smaller than the general populations. The truth is, the average size is just 5-6″ in length! While many men may think that they can’t please a woman with a 5″ penis, the reality is that they can – and the majority of men do! Large penises are actually fairly rare, and size really isn’t that big a deal to a woman. The man who holds the record for the largest penis (over 13″) lives at home with his mother – so really, size doesn’t matter.

The Way It Looks Is Not Genetic

A man may think that he passes on the size of his penis and the way it looks to his sons, but the way it looks and even how long or wide it is has nothing to do with the way his father’s looks. A man’s penis is formed within the womb, when the body begins turning an androgynous fetus into either a boy or girl. Similarly, the way a woman’s vagina looks has nothing to do with the way her mother’s looked either.

Most Men Do Not Need Large Sized Condoms

Because the average penis size is about 5 to 6 inches, most men do not need large or “Magnum” sized condoms. However, many men buy large condoms because they either want to think they have a bigger one or they want their partner to believe that they do because they brought extra large condoms to bed. The truth is, the far majority of men can fit just fine in a regular sized condom and if they do, they should use it. Using a condom that is too large can cause it to slip off, increasing the risk of unwanted pregnancy or the transmission of STD’s.

He’s Not Lying About “Blue Balls”

Most women think that the excuse men give about having “blue balls” if she doesn’t have sex with him is false – he’s just trying to get a piece, right? Wrong. However, during foreplay and increased arousal, the prostate gland and the testicles become swollen with fluid. This causes anywhere from mild discomfort to acute pain. The release of these fluids during an orgasm will relieve the discomfort. So should you sleep with him just because he has blue balls? Of course not – unless you want to. Blue balls can also be relieved with an aspirin or just good old fashioned masturbation.

You Cannot Tell The Size Of A Man’s Penis By His Shoe – Or Hand – Size

Many men and women believe that if a man has large feet or large hands with long fingers, that he will also have a very large or long penis. This is not true! However, you can predict the length of a man’s penis by looking at how tall he is. Men who are taller tend to have larger penises. Also, a study in 1999 proved that gay men actually have longer, thicker members than heterosexual men!

“Liquor Dick” Exists

If a man drinks too much, he may have trouble having an erection later that night. The same goes for illicit drug use. The more inebriated a man is, the more trouble he will have achieving an erection. If you’re planning a big date that you want to end in the bedroom with some really hot and wild sex, keep the drinks at a minimum.

Erect Penis Size Is Not Indicated By How Big It Is When It Is Not Erect

If a man has a small penis when he is not erect, many men and women think that this is an indicator that it won’t get a lot bigger when it becomes erect. Similarly, people also believe that if a man has a large member when it is flaccid that he will have a much larger penis when it is erect. The truth is, how large or small a man’s penis is when it is soft has absolutely no correlation on how big it will be when he has an erection. The average length of a flaccid one is about 3 inches, but some of these penises grow to be much larger when a man becomes sexually aroused. On the other hand, a member that is very large when it is flaccid may only gain a few centimeters when it becomes erect.

Most Men Are Uncircumcised (But Not In The U.S.)

Circumcision is still routinely practiced in the United States, where about 60% of boys are circumcised at birth due to religious and personal reasons. However, most men in the world remain uncircumcised - in fact, the rate of circumcision around the world is only 10-15%. If you meet a really hot foreign guy and end up in bed together, don’t be surprised if he’s uncut. American women think that being circumcised is the norm (and may even be a little unnerved about having sex with a man who hasn’t been circumcised), but in reality, the majority of men around the world haven’t been snipped or clipped.

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Hey Dan and Jenn – I have a problem! Whenever I attempt to have sex with my girlfriend, I always lose my erection. It’s very embarrassing for me and her because she thinks its because im not attracted to her. What is the reason for this?!!!

–YouTube Viewer

Physical Causes For Erectile Dysfunction

First, it’s important to consider and rule out physical things that may be responsible for or are contributing to your inability to get an erection. There are many physical causes for ED, including but not limited to:

• Overweight
• Inactive
• Diabetes
• Heart Disease

Generally speaking, the healthier and more active you are, the less likely you are to have erection problems. If you aren’t in good health or live a sedentary lifestyle, there is more of a chance that you will experience the inability to get or maintain an erection at some point. The same applies if you use recreational drugs or abuse alcohol. If the latter applies to you, start eliminating things in your life that might be contributing to your ED, one at a time.

If you drink excessively or smoke, quit. If you’re not active, start taking short walks around your home or office and make a commitment to eating more nutritionally rich foods. If your body is healthy and has what it needs, it is more likely that it will perform well in all areas of your life, including sex.

When To See The Doctor

If you live an active lifestyle, are healthy and don’t use any recreational drugs or overdo it on the alcohol and are still experiencing erectile dysfunction, it’s time to make an appointment with your doctor. Your doctor can help rule out more serious problems that could be responsible.

Emotional Causes For Erectile Dysfunction

There are just as many, if not more, emotional reasons for erectile dysfunction as there are physical. Stress from work or your family is a huge reason you may be experiencing ED, and other factors such as depression and anxiety can contribute as well. Stress, depression and anxiety can cause all kinds of problems in your life, including ED or even trouble reaching orgasm.

Even if anxiety or depression isn’t the cause of your erection problems, the medications for these issues (and other medications as well) can also contribute to impotency and orgasm problems.

How To Trace It Back To The Root

Although there are dozens of different things that can cause or contribute to ED, you can most likely find your answer by thinking about what you started doing differently when you started experiencing erection problems. Did you just start a new medication? Did you lose your job or did a close friend or family member pass away? Thinking back to what was going on in your life at the time is probably the biggest indicator of the true cause of your impotency.

Is It Her?

If you’ve exhausted all of your other options and you’re still having problems with impotency, consider the possibility that your partner may actually be the cause of your issues. For example, if you’re currently having relationship problems or if you caught her cheating on you in the past, your subconscious may be recoiling from her during sex and this may be causing you to have problems getting or keeping an erection during sex with her.

Basically, any unresolved issue you have with your partner may manifest itself as stress and carry over to the bedroom. You may also be suffering from performance anxiety – if you’re trying desperately to please her and are worried that your performance isn’t going to measure up, you’re not going to be able to maintain a rock hard erection.

Relax And Have Fun

If you’re healthy, active and aren’t having any relationship problems with your partner, just relax a little and remember that sex is all about having fun and having a great time with someone you care about and who cares about you. If you stress out too much about it, you’re going to make your issue worse instead of better! Relax and have fun!

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For the average man, 2 to 4 minutes is all it takes from start to finish. For the majority of women, anything less than 10 minutes of constant stimulation is unlikely to see her enjoy the orgasm she deserves. Thus it is easy to understand why among all the men’s health issues, the ability to last longer is the number ONE topic that most men would like more information about.

While most guys are not naturally endowed with sensational stamina, there are specific strategies you can use to avoid premature ejaculation and give your endurance a healthy boost. If you want to surprise your lover with sex that lasts much longer, these tips will help you.

Tip #1: “Muscular Conquest”

All of us have a pubococcygeus or PC muscle. Use that as a leverage to enhance your stamina. This belongs to a specific group of muscles located within your pelvic floor (between your testicles and anus). Most men are not aware of this, but you have probably noticed that prior to an ejaculation, the area between your anus and testes actually contract involuntarily.

That area is where your pelvic floor muscles are located, and are responsible for ejaculatory control. To prevent involuntary contractions from taking place (or even to delay them), these muscles need to be strong.

The good news is, there are specific exercises that guys can practice to strengthen these core muscles and keep them in tip-top condition so that they can last as long as they desire during sex. There are different variations and permutations of these exercises (called kegels), and the most basic ones involve simple contraction and relaxation techniques while more advanced routines involve more rhythmic and protracted contractions.

Tip #2: “Perineum Convergence”

This technique works really well when you are close to the point of ejaculation. Simply use your fingers to apply targeted pressure against your perineum – the soft spot between your scrotum and anus. Alternatively you can ask your partner to apply the pressure. Just make sure you give her the right signal at the right time; otherwise she may just miss the moment.

The basis behind this technique is this: When an orgasm is imminent, the prostate gland (also known as the male G-spot) will expand and contract rhythmically, before expelling semen through the urethra tube. Applying firm pressure against the perineum will suppress the impending flow.

Tip #3: “Anchor Your Breathing”

Sex can be a very exhilarating experience. As a result, in the throes of pleasure, many men end up holding their breath or breathe rapidly. Doing either one of these things will likely compel your body to ejaculate quickly. You should instead anchor the way you breathe. Allow yourself to take in slow, deep, purposeful breaths. It may seem counter-intuitive at first, but it will eventually become second nature to you. Try adding some sound to your breathing too. Some women get very aroused by this.

Here’s one specific breathing technique you can practice for enhanced stamina. When you are having intercourse, inhale slowly and count to 5. Hold your breath for another count of 5 and then exhale slowly for another 5 beats. Whenever you feel your arousal rising too quickly, repeat this breathing pattern. Such focused breathing will quickly calm your sexual nerves and help you last a lot longer.

Tip #4: “Purposeful Disengagement”

This is a tried-and-tested method of lasting longer. Pioneered by renowned sexual therapists, Masters and Johnson, this technique requires you to interrupt sex at appropriate stages to allow the intense sensations to subside. The key is to become familiar with your body and your sexual responses. You have to learn how to prevent yourself from coming too close to the “point of no return” (PNOR) – which is the stage where ejaculation becomes inevitable.

To achieve this, you have to be aware of the sensations during sex and the feelings leading up to a climax. Even as you withdraw your penis as a stop-gap measure, you should continue to rev up your partner’s arousal – for instance, by giving her oral sex or using your fingers to tease her pleasure spots. Not only does this technique help delay an orgasm, it will boost your ejaculation volume too!

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And let’s be honest, erectile dysfunction is something that’s worth fixing. If you don’t it can have a devastating effect on your love life. Nothing is worse than being with a woman you’re incredibly attracted to and would love to have sex with, but then not being able to get an erection. Not only can it be demoralizing for you, but for her as well.

First, what not to do….

Don’t Get Frustrated

Erectile dysfunction is as much a psychological condition as it is a physical condition. If you find yourself getting frustrated with it then it will only make things worse.

Putting a lot of pressure on yourself to perform places a lot of stress on the body and with high stress levels will only make it harder to get and maintain an erection.

Don’t Rely On Medication

I definitely agree that medication such as Viagra can be a solution, but I consider it a last resort. Using medication to solve erectile dysfunction can make you dependent on that medication and restrict the freedom of your sex life.

If you’ve tried everything else then by all means consider medication with a doctor’s supervision, but try and find a natural solution first.

Now with the common mistakes out way, let’s switch to the positive things you should try to end erectile dysfunction….

Focus On What Turns You On

Like I said earlier, your psychology plays a huge role in erectile dysfunction and what you focus on and think about before and during sex is part of that.

If you want to get hard then make sure the only thoughts running through your mind are those that make you the most horny and aroused. If you get turned on by thinking about getting a blowjob, that’s what you should think about during sex. Forget worrying about work or focusing on what isn’t working for you. Let that all go and focus on the pleasure of sex and being with the beautiful woman that you’re with.

Work Out Your PC Muscle

The PC muscle plays a huge role in controlling the blood flow to your penis. If you’re not taking 5 minutes a day 6 times a week to exercise your PC muscle (also called kegel exercises), then your erections are going to suffer.

Exercising your PC muscle doesn’t have to be difficult or complicated and you can do it while doing other things like driving or at your desk working. There’s really no excuse not to do it.

Control Your Blood Sugar

Numerous sources have suggested the link between out of control blood sugar levels and impotence, so if erectile dysfunction is a problem for you, you need to take control of your blood sugar. And for many people, this is just a case of making a few dietary changes.

Cut out as many sugars and white carbohydrates as you can (things like white bread, white rice, etc.) and replace them with as many greens as you can. Vegetables are proven to lead to much more stable and healthier blood sugar levels so take the leap and make the switch.

In many cases, fixing erectile dysfunction doesn’t have to mean medical intervention, it just takes implementing a few small changes to your lifestyle and approach to sex.

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Instead, follow these five simple, natural tips, and you will more than likely give your erection a mighty transformation!

You Are What You Eat

This well-known adage holds true in your sex life too. If you are looking to get a strong, healthy erection, good nutrition is necessary. Carbohydrates are essential for sexual energy, so you will do well to stock up PLENTY of those in your body! Bread, pasta and rice are excellent sources of carbs.

You also need a good dose of zinc, which is crucial for producing testosterone and semen. Foods such as liver, seafood, beans and peas contain the required amount of zinc that your body needs. Alternatively you could consume zinc supplements. It also pays to stay away from high fat meals. Excess fat intake lowers testosterone levels, reduces libido and affects erection ability. Also, an unhealthy diet causes poor circulation of blood to the extremities, leading to erection problems.

Use Sex Positions To Your Advantage

Believe it or not, the sex positions you use can also affect the strength and size of your erection. Positions that allow you to be on top – such as missionary and doggie style – enable greater and more efficient flow of blood to your genitals, giving you bigger, stronger and firmer erections.

So try to avoid starting sex with woman on top. The effects of gravity will drain the blood from your penis faster than you could say “ahh,” causing erectile dysfunction. Having your female partner on top also gives her control of the penetration movements. This loss of control on your part can result in an inability to hold your erection for long.

Ditch The Condom

Most guys know that having sex without a condom feels better. Well, here’s a caveat – do this only if you have a regular partner. Condoms are a great way to reduce penile sensitivity, and thus a good aid for men suffering from premature ejaculation, but not erection problems. Sex without a condom feels more pleasurable, keeps you aroused longer, thus helping your erection stay longer as well.

Put Sex Toys Into Play

Some sex toys – such as cock rings – are made to keep blood in the penis instead of allowing it to drain out. Constriction devices such as the penis ring can be a very dependable way to make your erections firmer. The penis ring is a small rubber or plastic ring that fits snugly at the base of your male anatomy. It helps to trap blood in your genitals (much like the effects of tying a balloon) and keep your erection UP.

Get In Shape

More specifically, perform exercises that strengthen your abdominal muscles. When your abs are in good shape, those muscles will help support and hold your erection, instead of holding your belly. In addition, having a large gut also makes your penis small by comparison! Being in good physical shape makes you more confident about your body and gives you more confidence in bed. Simple Kegel exercises are also a great way to help you stay hard longer… and last longer at the same time!

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Question: Dear Dan and Jennifer, I was wondering if it is normal to get random erections during the school day, and is there anything I can do to prevent it? Please help. Thanks, and I love your show.

–YouTube Viewer

The Role Teenage Hormones Play

Both teenage girls and boys have an abundance of hormones that are coursing through their body at any given time. The body is going through major changes during this stage and life and teenage hormones can cause lots of strange things to happen to the body. Almost all teenagers notice an increase in sweat, odor and acne, while teenage girls may notice their breasts becoming larger and will be starting their periods. Teenage boys, on the other hand, can experience erections at a variety of different times. Many boys experience “wet dreams” where the penis becomes hard and ejaculates during the night. Boys may also experience erections during the day, even when they’re not doing or thinking about anything sexual at all. This is completely normal and due to the increased hormones that boys experience during their teenage years.

Masturbation Can Reduce The Number Of Unwanted Erections

To reduce the amount of unwanted erections, masturbation can help. By masturbating, a young boy is releasing many of the hormones that are causing his erections in the first place and this will help keep the penis from becoming hard so often. Masturbate in the morning before school to try to prevent erections during the day, or try doing it in the evening. Masturbate at a variety of different times during the day to find out which time will reduce unwanted erections the most. Just be careful not to focus too much on masturbation. If you find that you’re always thinking about masturbation or planning your activities around your masturbation times too much, you may be addicted. Other than a serious masturbation addiction, masturbation is a normal and healthy way for teenage boys to relieve sexual tension and reduce unwanted erections.

Have Patience

Being a teenager is tough. There are so many awkward emotions and body functions that are involved during the teenage years for both boys and girls. It may seem like there’s no end in sight, but these problems won’t last forever. As you grow up, your body will produce less hormones and your emotions and body functions will level out. Don’t worry so much about it, because right now, everyone is going through the same things that you are. Everyone has issues during their teenage years, and lots of teenage boys experience unwanted erections and masturbate daily or almost daily. Avoid making fun of others for something that happens to you too! Have patience and know that this is a common, normal thing that happens to almost every teenage boy. Take comfort in the fact that you know it’s not going to last forever.

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Question: Dear Dan and Jen – When me and my boyfriend have sex, I just LOVE going on top. The problem is, his penis softens the minute I’m on top of him, just in a split second.When I asked about it, he said it’s because of the condom, but this doesn’t seem to be a problem in any other position. WHY is this? Aren’t men supposed to love it when the girl is on top? I’m confused – please help!

–YouTube Viewer

Everyone Likes Different Positions

If you find that your partner loses his erection in a certain position, he may just not like that position. It may be uncomfortable for him, or he may find it more difficult to be aroused. Some men really enjoy the feeling of being in control that man-on-top positions offer, and he might not be able to maintain his erection in situations where he feels like the woman is in control, such as in woman-on-top positions. Everyone likes different positions, and everyone has a favorite and if your partner doesn’t have any erectile issues with other positions, it’s likely just a preference issue.

Try Different Condoms

Believe it or not, a lot of men have difficulty getting or maintaining an erection, or having an orgasm with a condom. He should still use one, but there are lots of different styles of condoms available that might help your partner keep his erection during sex and different sex positions. Try a thinner condom to allow your partner to experience more sensations, or try a ribbed or textured condom. Some condoms with lubricants can be irritating for both men and women, especially if the condom has spermicide on it. Try a variety of condoms until you and your partner find the one you like best.

Try Different Positions And Motions

If your partner loses his erection consistently in any one sex position, try varying your movements in that particular position. Try going fast or slow, harder or softer, or move from side to side instead of up and down. Communicate with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t, so you know the next moves to make. If your partner isn’t being honest with you about why something doesn’t feel good, that doesn’t give you any information about how you can please him. If all else fails, don’t give up on sex completely just because your partner doesn’t like your favorite position. There are hundreds of different positions out there and they’re only limited by your creativity. Try different positions such as spooning or sitting up face to face. You may find that there are other positions that you like even better than woman on top, and they might work better for your partner too! You’ll never know unless you try!

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Pretty happy. Very happy. In fact, most men would be completely pleased with a one inch gain in length. They wouldn’t much mind if that’s the most they could physically gain.

Now there’s some good news and some bad news. The good news is that most men can gain an inch in length. The bad news is that it takes at least a fair amount of work. Sometimes it can take a lot.

But consider this situation. The pros heavily outweigh the cons. Most men don’t know it’s even possible to improve the size of their privates.

So…that first inch. Let’s make that your main goal. That is what you’re going to aim for. Now, how are you going to achieve it? Here is how.

Total Motivation – You Have To REALLY Want A Bigger Penis

The idea of having an extra inch of penis is already a pretty motivating one, but it’s not enough. Most men will give up long before they’ve done enough exercise routines to gain noticeable new size. So, total motivation is necessary.

Start by getting an erection and looking down at it. You know the sight well. Now place a ruler along the side of it. Don’t cheat. Place it from where it starts at the base to where it ends at the very tip. Now move your eyes along to that golden starting figure.

What is it? Let’s say it’s 6”. I want you to visualize one more inch on top of that. Extend the shaft in your mind. Picture it longer and thicker. Imagine the difference in weight in your hand. This is a tool you’re looking at and you need to vividly picture it one inch bigger, no more, no less.

Burn the image of it one inch bigger into your mind’s eye. Now imagine the feeling you WILL experience when you reach your goal of being one inch bigger. The feeling of knowing that it’s always going to be longer and thicker, for all time. It’s a good feeling and it’s one you will experience if you follow the rest of these tips…

Creating A Solid Penis Enlargement Routine

If you rush into natural penis enlargement, you’ll tire out the tissues of your penis from the get go and, as a result, you’ll struggle to gain new size. You need to stay calm and relaxed.

Put together a simple routine that you will use, unchanged, for two weeks.

Something like: three sets of 10 wet jelqs (look them up if you don’t know what they, or any of these exercises go like). Each wet jelq lasts 3 seconds and there is a one minute gap between each set. Then you do 5, 5 second stretches at 20% erection.

Then 20 Kegels, finishing with 15 dry jelqs at 60% erection, each one lasting 4 seconds. That’s a great beginner’s routine. So memorize it and start using it two or three times a week for the next two weeks. Do it.

Restrain Yourself From Measuring Your Penis Too Soon

You should take your starting measurements ONCE before the two weeks begin, then refrain from measuring again until the two weeks are up. The temptation to measure is strong, but don’t do it. There’s no point. Just focus your attention on completing your routines in a full and high quality way. No slacking or cheating.

Keep It Up For Two Weeks and Then Check Your Penis Measurements Again

Complete the two weeks and then take your flaccid and erect measurements again. Have you gained? If not, so what? You’ve not lost anything, you’ve learned something. You’re going to increase the intensity of your routine by upping the rep numbers. Simple. If you’ve gained, then great! Continue using the routine until the gains slow down or stop. Then up the intensity.

These simple tips will help you towards achieving your goal of gaining that first magical, wonderful, glorious inch. It feels good…trust me.

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Having an erection at the wrong time can be embarrassing and it can be even more embarrassing and frustrating trying to hide it.  Can masturbating often or at the right times help prevent unwanted erections?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Do you know if it is a common occurrence for a guy to masturbate not so much for the direct pleasure (although it is nice) but to not have any “urges”? I often masturbate so I won’t get them at the “wrong” times. Is that a common occurrence?

Erections are a natural thing!

An erection for a man is his body’s way of letting him know that there’s tension there,sexual or not, that needs to be relieved. It signals arousal but there are times where a man can get an erection and he’s not thinking about sex nor is he aroused at all.

An erection is simply when extra blood flows to the penis, making it stiffer instead of more relaxed. This can happen often and it is known for happening at some of the most inopportune times.

Masturbating to relieve tension.

Almost every man (if not every man) masturbates at some time or another. Many men masturbate often, especially if they’re not sexually active, while some masturbate less.

However often a man needs to masturbate is generally considered healthy, with the exception of often forgoing sexual intercourse with your partner in lieu of masturbation or masturbating to the point of physical harm.

Masturbating helps to relieve tension and yes, it can help to prevent erections at the wrong time.

When to masturbate?

Many men masturbate in the mornings before a day at the office so they can put the focus on their work, while others prefer to masturbate less often. If you want to use masturbation as a means to prevent unwanted erections, try going without masturbation for a few days and note when your erections seem to happen.

Do they happen at a certain time or when you see a certain person? Learn your triggers. There may be more than a few and sometimes it can be hard to figure out what the triggers are, but it’s helpful to have at least a little background knowledge on when you seem to get unwanted erections before you use masturbation as a tool to prevent them.

Use your triggers to prevent unwanted erections.

Once you figure out roughly when and why you’re having these erections, you can use masturbation to help prevent them.

If you find that the majority of your erections happen in the afternoon, perhaps you can go home on your lunch break and relieve some of the tension.

If you find that your unwanted erections seem to happen before a big date or in the evenings, try masturbating right when you get home from work or before the date to help keep your penis from becoming erect when you’re trying to focus on other things.

Regular masturbation for men, and women, is healthy and helps keep the body and sexual organs healthy. Masturbation and the resulting orgasms can be a source of stress relief for both men and women and can help men from becoming erect when they least expect it or want to be erect.

If you have a sexual partner, you can also use regular sexual intercourse or other types of sex to relieve tension in the same way.

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Inexperienced swingers, however, may find that the first few times are a little nerve wracking, especially if it involves a group of people.

If you find yourself being nervous during a swinging session, you might need to back up a little bit until you get more comfortable.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My wife and I just experienced our first swinger encounter, I am a very lucky man in having a wife that is so open to this. She was great – I, however, was a little nervous – so nervous that I had a difficult time getting an erection (this has never happened before!). I don’t know if it was the fact that I was being watched by 15 people or what… Do you have any tips to help me over come this problem of not being able to step up to bat?  Thank you.

–Adam, CO

Performance Anxiety

Some people get “performance anxiety.” This might happen when you’re alone with your partner, but it’s more likely to happen if you’re swinging with a couple or having a more voyeuristic adventure with more people.

You may find that you can’t get an erection or if you’re a woman, you may feel more shy and self conscious than before. It can be embarrassing, especially if you’re unable to get or maintain an erection, to have performance anxiety while swinging. What can you do?

Back Up A Little Bit

Stop and think about what might have made you uncomfortable while swinging. How did you feel? Were you nervous? Were you shy or self conscious? Were you wearing an outfit that was uncomfortable or you didn’t feel sexy in? Were there a number of people watching you swing?

Dig deep to find the culprit of your performance anxiety. There is a cause. Once you find it, you can begin to solve the problem so it doesn’t happen again. For example, if your swinging session involved more people than just the other couple you were swinging with, you can try swinging again with just one other person or perhaps just another couple.

If you were wearing an uncomfortable or unflattering outfit that made you feel self conscious or out of place, you can try swinging again while wearing something you feel really dynamite in. Don’t let one bout of performance anxiety turn you off from swinging forever.

Feeling Comfortable

For swinging to be successful, you need to feel comfortable. Knowing this beforehand allows you to ensure that you’re wearing something comfortable and you’re swinging with people you feel comfortable with, but too many couples find out too late that swinging requires a good deal of confidence and ease for it to turn out well.

If you’ve already had some performance anxiety or a bad swinging experience, take some time out to collect yourself and then try to get back in the groove. You can improve your body image by eating right and exercising if you’re feeling self conscious about yourself, or you can try to make swinger friends that you’re more comfortable with.

Talk with your partner about what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable so you can ensure your next swinging session will be more successful.

If you find that you have performance anxiety every time you swing, you might want to rethink the swinging aspect of your relationship. Swinging isn’t for everyone and that’s okay. If you find yourself uncomfortable and nervous every time, re-evaluate your need to swing and what is behind that.

You might be able to find something that enhances your relationship and your sex life that you’re a little more comfortable with than swinging.

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