A Point Of View Blowjob

“Point of view” is a video in which one of the participants holds the camera and films the activities, but you never get to see their face. This gives the viewer of the video the illusion that they are actually the one in the movie and that everything that is happening is happening to them. The point of view concept is great homemade porn fodder, because they ARE the one who is in the film! They can watch it later and remember just how amazing it was!

Ladies, have your partner hold a camera while you give him a blowjob. Make sure there is plenty of lighting! Look up at the camera often and don’t be afraid to let it all out. Mimic what you see women do in porn videos so the movie actually looks great - and mix it up with actual great blowjob techniques so it feels great too.

Close Up Cunnilingus

Men, chances are your special ladies have never gotten to see you lick their lady bits up close and personal. Almost all women love oral sex, because it’s an incredibly erotic experience for them. Make it even that much more incredible by taping it and letting her watch afterwards!

Set up the camera on a tripod and zoom in. You’ll have to work a little to find the right angle, but when you do, it will be well worth it. You can also hire a trusted friend that you’re comfortable with to tape it for you – that way, you’ll get every view. Cock your head a little to the side and stick your tongue out a little more so you can actually see the licking action. It’s not going to be very fun for her if all she can see is your head in between her legs.

Night Vision

Mimic a celebrity sex tape and make a homemade porn with a night vision camera. What’s great about night vision is that you won’t see as many body flaws as you would if you were taping yourselves having sex in the broad daylight. Night vision covers up even more bodily imperfections than candlelight does, but you can still see all the action. You can even pick your favorite celebrity sex tape and re-enact the whole thing!

The Money Shot

A lot of adult videos feature the “money shot” – that is, where the man pulls his penis out at the point of orgasm and ejaculates somewhere on his partner. If they’re doing it doggy style, it is usually on the lower back or buttocks, if they’re doing it in the missionary position, he will usually ejaculate on her stomach. He can also ejaculate on her breasts or her face, depending on what turns him on the most (and what his partner agrees to).

In your homemade porn, you’ll definitely want to get a money shot. Men, talk to your partner about where it’s okay to ejaculate. If you’ve always dreamed of giving your lover a facial, let her know. She may not be opposed to it if you agree to make it a one time deal for the camera only. That way, if she does decide to let you indulge in your fantasy, you’ve got visual evidence that you can watch over and over again!

Your Favorite Fetish

If you and your partner have a particular fetish that you like to indulge in, you’ll definitely want to get it on tape in your homemade porn. No matter what your fetish is – whether it’s BDSM, bondage, a diaper fetish or whatever else really pushes your hot buttons – getting it on tape and watching it later can be incredibly erotic. This is especially true if it’s a fetish that you and your lover don’t get to indulge in very often due to money, time constraints or other reasons.

Female Ejaculation

Ladies, unless you’re really, really good at female ejaculation, chances are, you’re not going to be able to do it very often. Learning to do it well is half the fun though! If you want to be able to ejaculate, practice makes perfect. Keep trying, and keep videotaping it so that when you do ejaculate, you’ve already got it on tape! Your partner will love watching a homemade porn of you ejaculating, especially if he was the one that made you do it.

Don’t be afraid to let go – if you are, chances are, you’re not going to ejaculate at all. The best adult videos that feature female ejaculation show women letting it all out! They’re grunting, screaming, and doing whatever is necessary to make themselves orgasm – and orgasm hard. Take on that mentality and your movie will be just as hot – if not hotter.

Your Favorite Role Play

If you and your lover like to role play, this can be super fun to include in your homemade porn. Getting it on video is also a great option if you don’t get to do it very often, or if you end up springing for some really great costumes and props. A camera in the room can also help you and your partner feel a little bit like you’re performing, which can actually help you to come out of your shells a little more.

Before turning the camera on, have a few drinks first. Relax, loosen up and let whatever happens happen. You won’t believe how hot things got when you finally play the video back later!

Masturbation

Men, you may want to film your partners masturbating themselves so you have something to watch later when you’re alone. Chances are, your girl is going to be more into the idea of you watching homemade porn when you masturbate than watching a movie with some random naked chick in it.

Set up the camera in a corner of the room where you don’t notice it as much. Light some candles, take a hot bath to relax and then lay on the bed with your genitals exposed to the camera. You can zoom in as much or as little as you like – whatever turns you on most. Men, this is the part where you leave the room! Sure, you want to check out all the action, but she’s not going to be able to really let go if you’re standing there watching her. And that’s what you want – for her to really let go and throw all her inhibitions out the window.

Intense Foreplay

Sometimes, sex is not all you want to capture on camera. Foreplay can be just as much fun as sex, and incredibly erotic. Promise your partner a night of intense foreplay and teasing, and make sure to get it all on camera for your homemade porn. Men, tease your lover by licking her nipples, licking her clitoris and kissing her deeply, all without ever doing enough to actually get her off. Women, do the same thing to your men.

Watching your partner beg for pleasure can be an incredible turn on when you play your video back!

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Women Naturally Want To Make Their Man Happy

All women have the drive to please their man – it’s hardwired into their DNA. Instead of baking pies a la June Cleaver, you’d rather a racy movie starring your gorgeous lady. How do you tell her? Just tell her! Let her know that making a homemade porn with her (or videotaping her masturbating by herself) is something that you’d really like to do and it really turns you on. If she knows how much you want to see her on film, she’ll most likely be up for it if it will make you that happy.

It Doesn’t Have To Be Full On Porn

If your girlfriend or wife has never done anything sexy on camera before, they may feel a little shy or apprehensive about the whole idea. Don’t assume that for it to turn you on that it has to be full on porn – quite the opposite. Even just a soft core film with limited nudity, or even no nudity at all, can be enough to get you going. It’s also a great way to slowly introduce her to the idea so that later on, you can make a XXX film.

Have her do something sexy on film with her clothes on, such as giving you a blowjob in a low cut shirt. It’s sexy, reminds you of her and she doesn’t have to show anything of hers to the camera. She can also do an erotic dance while wearing a sexy dress or some of her favorite lingerie. Light some candles and turn out the lights – the soft lighting will make her feel more comfortable and won’t transfer as many of her imperfections onto film.

Tell Her You’d Rather Masturbate To Her

Guys are going to masturbate – it’s a fact of life and most women know and accept this. They also know that men are visual creatures and need something sexy in front of their eyeballs to get off. This is the part that girls hate – they don’t want their partner watching and masturbating to other naked women. Your woman may not say anything about it, but it’s pretty much guaranteed that porn featuring other girls grates on her nerves.

Use this to your advantage and tell your partner that you’d much rather be watching her than some naked chick you’ve never met and don’t care about at all. This single phrase will probably be the most convincing thing you can do to get her to make a dirty video for you. She’ll appreciate that you’d rather be watching HER while you touch your penis than another girl and will do her best to make that happen.

Give Her Some Ideas

You don’t want to insist that your girlfriend make a video of her vagina up close and personal to start off with.  It will probably freak her out and turn her off to the idea of making an adult movie for you all together. Instead. start small and work your way up. Give her some ideas of sexy things she can do on camera that will turn you on, that don’t involve her doing things featured in Hustler.

You can also get some ideas by watching soft core porn together. When you watch it with her, point out things that you think are hot and that you’d love to see her doing. Something along the lines of “She just doesn’t do that right, I bet you could do it better” or “I’d love to see you try that.”

Don’t be afraid to play around with the camera a little and have fun with it. Turn it on and forget about it, doing things that you normally do together. Take a short video, watch it together and then delete it immediately. Get her comfortable with the idea of having the video camera around.

Help Her Feel Sexy

She may agree to try videotaping herself doing sexy things for you, but you’re not going to get very far if you don’t make her FEEL sexy while doing it. Here are some easy ways to make her feel super hot, which will help her open up and let her inner vixen out.

• Buy her sexy lingerie. Shop online together or visit a store with her in tow. Make SURE you choose something together and that she’s tried on. Don’t bring home something that doesn’t fit her – especially if it’s too small.
• Candles or dimmer switches are amazing at hiding skin imperfections. Meaning that if you use soft lighting, she’ll feel like she looks better and you will both actually look a lot better on film.
• Give her encouragement when she does something. If she’s dancing or moving around in some way, tell her how hot it is when she does. Get vocal – if you just sit there quietly, she’ll think she’s doing something wrong.

Assure Her That You’re Trustworthy

She might be afraid that if she makes a sexy video for you of herself, that she’ll be the next YouTube or Facebook star the moment you guys break up. This is a legitimate fear – one that you have to ease before she’ll ever step in front of the camera. If you’re with a new girl, don’t expect that she’s going to make a movie for you right away.

Take some time to build a trusting relationship with your partner so she knows you’re not going to sell out on her. Reassure her that this video is for your personal pleasure only and that if you break up with her, you will respect her enough to delete it immediately in front of her. Also, promise not to make any copies – and don’t.

Also, you can offer to make her a video in exchange for one of her if she’s still apprehensive that you might distribute the video in some way or show it to your friends. This way, she feels like she has a little leverage, or an “insurance policy” so to speak. However, this means you both have to trust each other with this kind of thing. If you don’t feel like your relationship is ready for this level of trust, put the homemade porn idea to bed until your relationship progresses.

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A Garter Belt

A garter belt is a piece of lingerie (the fabric is usually lace or satin but can be other materials such as leather) that slips over the hips. On each leg, there are two clips that hold up a pair of thigh high pantyhose. A garter belt doesn’t function as panties – it is only worn to hold up thigh high stockings. They can be adorned with ribbons, lace, bells, leather, fringe and more for added erotic appeal. This is a much sexier way to do pantyhose!

The reason that men find garter belts so sexy is because they just look sexy. You can turn a normal bra and panty set into a titillating outfit by just throwing on a matching garter belt and a set of thigh highs. Garter belts can also be worn under a woman’s clothes during the day, such as with a pair of slacks or a dress. This gives her man a super sexy surprise when she gets home and lets him see what is underneath! Garter belts are also a lot of fun to use during sex. Your guy will like feeling the straps on your hips and legs as his body thrusts into you!

Crotchless Panties (Or No Panties)

Crotchless panties qualify as lingerie, but are pretty much pointless to have if you’re trying to use them as functional underwear. That’s why men enjoy them so much – they know if you’re wearing them, you’re already thinking about sex and want them to have easy access to your genitals. Oral sex over a pair of crotchless panties is incredibly hot (for you and him) and can be a super hot surprise for him at the dinner table or in the movie theater.

You can also go commando and forgo wearing panties or lingerie all together for the same effect. Lean over and whisper to your lover at dinner (or in some other public place) that you’re not wearing any panties. If you’re wearing a dress, let him slip his hand underneath and look for himself. You’ll give him an instant erection right then and there.

Cheekies

G-strings are great for showing off your butt and they’re a great way to provide your partner with easy access for anal sex, but they leave little to the imagination. Your man appreciates nudity in any form, so he’s not going to tell you that the g-string is played out and it would be great to have you wear something a little different. Of course, granny panties are off the list, so what do you do when your g-string collection gets old?

Cheekies are panties that look normal in the front, but are curved up slightly in the back to let the bottoms of a woman’s butt cheeks show. You may wonder why a guy only likes to look at the bottom of your cheeks when you can see the whole thing in a g-string, but that’s what makes cheekies so sexy – they turn guys on by highlighting your best assets while still leaving something to the imagination. Seduction is rarely about full on nudity anyways.

A Corset Or Bustier

Corsets can be considered the beginning of lingerie, and were worn under dresses hundreds and hundreds years ago before the bra was ever invented. The idea behind a corset or bustier is to lift the breasts and create cleavage, as well as to hug the waist and bring it in to make a woman appear thinner yet more curvy. This is done with wire shaping in the corset and ties in the back that are laced as tightly as is comfortable for the woman. Corsets and bustiers are still very popular, especially in the world of burlesque.

A corset or bustier instantly says to your man, “I’m an old fashioned kind of sexy.” Your man will enjoy seeing your body all tied up in a corset and you’ll like the way it shapes you and makes you look really good. Let your man slowly untie your corset or bustier while you stand in front of a mirror – and watch his face as the corset drops to the floor after it’s untied. Your partner won’t be able to keep his hands off you for long!

A Shelf Bra

Like crotchless panties, a shelf bra is lingerie that is basically pointless to have underneath your clothes because it actually doesn’t cover up your breasts at all. A shelf bra is designed to go underneath the breasts, almost as though an underwire bra were cut in half. Your breasts will come up and over the top of the shelf bra, showing pretty much everything, including your nipples. Some half bras do cover up the nipples (but not much else), but that’s not what a true shelf bra is. A true shelf bra is designed to hold the breasts up, but show them completely.

Your man will really like the idea of this item of lingerie because of the fact that it is, indeed pointless to have. If you put one on, it’s purely for his viewing pleasure. It’s to make your breasts look amazing so they can be ogled. Your partner will love that you donned something like that just for him.

Platform Stilettos

While platform stilettos aren’t actually lingerie, they make pretty much any combination of lingerie – even your most basic black bra and panties set – look absolutely amazing. There’s a reason that strippers always have platform heels when they’re dancing, even when they’re completely naked. They make your legs look a thousand miles long and your body will instantly look leaner and more seductive.

Invest in a basic pair of platform stilettos (yes, platform – the scary looking ones that strippers actually use) and get used to walking around in them and wearing them when your partner isn’t home. Next time you don one of your lingerie outfits, slip the heels on too and watch your lover’s reaction when you strut your stuff.

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Watch A Few Porn Videos Together

Sit down with your partner and watch a few adult movies together. Figure out what you like and what you don’t like. Decide what looks hot and looks like you might want to try, and decide what you want to keep off screen. For example, don’t videotape your first time engaging in anal sex. That just won’t go well. Figure out what you want to do first, next and then how you want to finish up. Don’t be afraid to write it down. Professionals have a script and a storyboard, why can’t you?

Consider Hiring A Trusted Friend

One of the best things about real porn is that the camera goes in and out, focusing on different aspects of what the couple on screen is doing and grabbing those awesome close ups. You just aren’t going to achieve that with a standing tripod. If you want one camera angle, or don’t have anyone that you feel close enough with to ask this favor, a tripod will be fine.

However, if you want a film that turns out really great, consider hiring a close friend that you trust (perhaps even one with some knowledge of video cameras and filming techniques) to film you and your lover getting down. The finished product will most likely turn out much, much better and you’ll get views of you and your partner that you’ve never had before.

Invest In A Good Camera

No, the video camera on your cell phone isn’t going to work this time. If you don’t already have a good video camera, it may be time to invest in one before you start filming an amateur porn. It may be a pricey investment, however, you’ll be very glad you spent the money when you view the end result. Poor quality video cameras tend to be grainy or pixelated, making it difficult for you to see what’s really going on in the movie. When detail is important, a good camera is essential. Why would you want to tape a homemade porn when you’re not going to be able to see saliva on your partner’s penis as you give him a blowjob or vice versa when he’s giving you oral sex?

Make Sure You Have The Right Lighting

Lighting plays a very important part in any movie, and porn is no exception. Porn lighting can be tricky though, because you want enough light to make sure the camera picks up on everything, but you don’t want the fluorescent kind that highlights your every flaw. You can rent some lighting setups from your local rental agency, or you can purchase a few cheap floodlights from a hardware or home building store.

Buy An Outfit (Or Two)

Don’t wear your old, ratty pajamas when you shoot a homemade porn. Instead, spend a few extra bucks and get something nice for both you and your partner to wear. Lingerie, of course, looks great on camera, but it’s very important that you find something that flatters your body type. If you can fit into a garter belt and a pair of stockings without a muffin top hanging out, good for you. Go for it! However, if you’re a little bigger, you’ll want to buy something that flatters you.

Not so fond of your stomach? Try a baby doll top with sheer, filmy organza that flutters over your stomach and rests on your hips. Don’t like your arms but think your legs are bangin? Splurge on a minidress with tight long sleeves that rests just below where your butt and your legs meet. High heels or stilettos are a must for women, simply because no matter what you’re wearing, they’ll make your legs look fantastic.

Grooming

Grooming before shooting a porn is important, because you want to look your best. Of course, hair and makeup is a must but what about body makeup? Find a color of concealer or foundation that matches your body’s skin tone and use it to cover up blemishes on your legs and arms. You’d be surprised at how a bruise that you didn’t even know you had shows up on film after the fact.

You’ll also want to trim or shave your pubic hair, legs and armpits. Men may want to trim or shave their chest hair, depending on what you want to look like on film.

Use Editing Software

So your video is filmed and you’re ready to make the finished product. Consider purchasing or downloading video editing software to help you in the process. With editing software, you really can turn something mediocre into something fabulous. Just being able to cut out the scenes that you’re not happy with is well worth it right there, not counting the countless other cool features that can give your video that “wow” factor.

Above all, make sure that you’re filming a porn with someone that you trust and don’t allow copies to be made that aren’t expressly agreed upon by both of you. Remember to have fun and if you and your partner split, make sure the tape and any copies (digital or otherwise) are destroyed. Next time you and your lover want to heat things up, throw in your homemade porn and watch you and your lover get it on!

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Introducing Porn Into Your Relationship

If you’ve never introduced a porn into your relationship to watch with your significant other, now is the time to do it. Rather than jumping feet first into asking your girl to do a porn with you, try to find something you and she can watch and enjoy together first. Grab a skin flick that showcases something you know she really enjoys – for example, if she really loves oral sex, make sure to get a video that has a lot of that particular activity in it. Talk to your partner about what she likes and doesn’t like before you go out and buy anything, so you can make sure you’re getting something she won’t be offended by.

Bringing The Subject Up

Dragging out the camera and tripod one night before you get busy is not the way to bring up the subject of making a porn. Instead, make sure to bring up how hot you’d think she’d be on film and how you’d love to make a tape of you both making love. Telling your love how much the idea of watching you both making love on camera turns you on (without putting too much pressure on) is the best way to get your lady to warm up to the idea. Don’t suggest doing something she’s never tried before for the first time on camera – for example, if she’s never tried anal sex, being recorded the first time isn’t going to make your partner love it. In fact, she’ll probably hate it and never do it again!

Don’t Push Too Hard

If your sweetheart isn’t receptive to the idea of having sex with you on film, don’t push the issue too far. It may be tempting to try to “convince” your lover that it’s a great idea, but if she’s already said no and you keep pushing the issue, she’s not going to appreciate you for it. This may lead to fighting and arguing, or it may turn your sweetheart off the idea altogether. If she doesn’t want to do it, let it go and think about bringing it up another time.

Making Her Feel Good About It

Making your significant other feel good about being on camera is one of the biggest obstacles you face when making an adult movie with them. Buy a new outfit for your woman to wear (something she feels great in) and give her time to do hair and makeup before the camera starts rolling. Tell your girlfriend or wife how sexy you think she looks and continue to offer a compliment here and there while you are filming. Self esteem (next to the fear of the movie getting out) is most likely your woman’s biggest issue with being a “porn star.”

Making It Fun

You don’t have to start out with having sex on film right away. Why not experiment a little with a digital camera or even your webcam and take fun pictures of you and your girl kissing, or even giving a blowjob with all (or most) of your clothes on? Starting off slowly and taking baby steps rather than starting out being fully naked in a porn film might help your partner warm up to the idea rather than shunning it completely.

The Trust Issue

Besides being self concious, your girl is probably afraid that the porn will get out somehow and someone she doesn’t want to see it will end up getting a peek. Assure your partner that you’re going to delete the video right after, and make a point to delete it together. Don’t break your woman’s trust by secretly uploading it onto your computer or letting your friends watch it – even if you are just trying to prove that your girl is smokin’ hot and great in bed. Let her know that she can trust you completely with a sexy videotape and that you’re not going to compromise her integrity by allowing a thing like that to get out. Don’t just say it – show your woman you mean it!

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Watching Adult Movies Together

A lot of women view porn as “degrading” and assume it’s something that their husbands or boyfriends look at and masturbate to in private – and they do. But it doesn’t have to be that way! Instead of keeping the porn stashed under the mattress or in some innocuous folder deep inside your computer’s hard drive, share it with your partner. Start by browsing different videos together and talking about what each of you like and don’t like. There are so many different styles of adult movies out there that with a little digging, you’ll find a few movies that you and your partner both get turned on by. Watch them together and watch the sparks between you fly!

Trying Your Fantasies Through Videos

So you like the idea of bondage or spanking, or maybe even a little golden shower here and there, but you’ve been afraid to try it. Try watching an adult video that features your chosen fantasy and see how other people are doing it. You may discover that whatever you thought you liked really isn’t your thing, or you may find out that after watching the video, you really do want to try it with your partner! Exploring your sex fantasies through adult movies is a great way to dip your toes in the water without jumping in feet first.

Hardcore vs. Softcore Porn

One of the biggest misconceptions about porn is that it is all hardcore. Many women – and some men – assume that all porn consists of is rough sex and uncomfortable close ups on the actors’ genitals. While a great deal of hardcore porn does exist, it is definitely not the only kind of adult movies that exist. If hardcore porn isn’t up your alley, try checking out some softcore porn instead. These videos don’t show as much as hardcore adult movies do. Think of a rated “R” movie with nudity and just add a little bit more – that’s basically what you’ll find in a softcore adult video.

Kink & Fantasies

Everyone has a different fantasy when it comes to sex, and there is no shortage of kink & sex fantasies in the adult movie industry. No matter what you like – with a few exceptions – there’s a video for it. Whether you want to see two girls going at it or anal sex, you’ll find an adult movie for it and you will most likely find videos that have more than one fetish or fantasy in it. Other fantasies, such as shoe fetishes, smoking fetishes and even diaper fetishes are featured in adult videos, so if you have a fantasy that you’ve been wanting to check out, try finding a video for it. Just remember that there are videos out there that feature things that are illegal or simply just cross way over the line, so make sure that whatever you’re watching consists only of consenting adults and no one is getting seriously harmed.

Amateur Porn

Amateur porn is quickly becoming popular with websites such as YouPorn, which feature mostly regular people with webcams who film themselves having sex. If you’ve never been one for the “Lights, Camera, Action!” feel of a lot of adult movies, amateur porn may be right up your alley.

Sex Ed

If you want to learn how to give a great blowjob or want to learn other great sex techniques, the best place to learn actually isn’t porn. However, there are lots of adult videos that are focused on sex education. Most of them do feature actors having sex and performing the activity they’re teaching, but it’s less of a spectacle and more about instruction. These films are great to watch with you partner when you want to do something different in the bedroom but aren’t sure exactly how to get started. They’ll also help show you techniques that you never even thought of doing – and that will blow your partner’s mind!

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What She Said:

We’ve talked a lot recently about marriage – is it dead, should you just shack up, should you have an open relationship? What do strip clubs and porn have to do with all this? Well, they are the great equalizer.

What’s that? What do titties, pole dancers and money shots have to do with love? Fidelity, sexual release, sexual fantasy and role-playing come to mind. Sounds kind of fun, doesn’t it? Whether you’re in a brand-new relationship or have been married for ten years, a healthy appetite for sex still remains at the top of the “Must Have” list for a happy partnership. The visual prompt of an evening at a strip club, or an evening in with a DVD from Sugar, can stimulate ideas for you and your partner. It doesn’t have to be an all-the-time thing, but throwing a little something in the mix can definitely spice things up.

To use a broad generalization, men are visual and women are emotional. “Allowing” your guy the option of blatantly ogling some strippers can be freeing – for both of you. Hell, what not get in on the act and go to a strip club together? You can see what kind of things turn your partner on – and emulate them at home. He’ll most assuredly find a way to return the favor! The best part? It’s a way for you to both safely indulge in play without repercussions. Believe me; that beautiful pole dancer isn’t a threat and she doesn’t want to go home with your man. She wants to finish her shift and get out of those painful shoes. There’s rarely any harm to “just looking.” The same goes with porn – and even less so, because you can only lick a T.V. screen for so long before realizing it doesn’t taste very good.

Please note: this isn’t to say your boyfriend/husband isn’t happy with you. You are beautiful and you are more than enough woman for your partner! This is more about shared fantasy and exploration – you get an equal say in what you’re comfortable with, as well as what is exciting! If you feel like you have to give into the strip club experience in order to keep your relationship, this isn’t for you. If you feel equally “naughty” and are having just as much fun – go to the bank, get a bunch of one-dollar bills and enjoy your night!

What He Said:

I actually don’t like strip clubs. There. I said it. I’m all for hot naked chicks, but to me, a stripper is just a really hot used car salesman. She doesn’t give a shit about you. She’s just looking to make the sale, and she’ll do anything to get that commission. Also, most strippers are really bad at their job: convincing the men in the joint that they’d actually like to do them. Really great customer service from strippers is as rare as calling a 1-800 number and getting a U.S. based customer service rep. That, and any strip club is locked down. I mean, seriously, they operate on DEFCON five. You look at one of those girls wrong and some large man will appear out of nowhere and beat the shit out of you. It’s very anal and restrictive in that way. And laws vary from state to state, so things may be a lot tamer than you’d think.

Still, it’s good for our female readers to go, mainly because they’ll never get jealous or upset about their man going again. You’ll be like “He gets turned on by this? This is way lamer than Chippedales! At least then I get to grab his cock!” Well, maybe not that far, but you get the idea.

And your man will love you if you go, because every guy wants to be the one who BRINGS a woman to the strip club. You go, you put down a dollar, you get molested by the stripper (she WILL take your top off, don’t know why, it’s just one of the laws of the universe), and you get a lap dance, and he’ll be harder than Chinese arithmetic. He will molest you when you get home if he makes it that far.

Porn is a tricky subject, because it’s written and shot, more for men than women. That’s changing. Damn feminists. Lol. If you find yourself a female made porn then you can find the plot, emotion and all that other crap that women care about and he can see hot chicks naked and going at it.

It can be a great way to spice up your relationship, especially if you’re monogamous. If you are, it’s going to get boring at some point, or you’re going to need to spice it up. That’s just a given. Porn and strip clubs are a tool. Like a hammer. You can build a house with one or bludgeon someone to death. It’s not the item that’s bad. It’s the person and the application that matter.

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Question: I discovered that my partner has been looking at porn and hasn’t told me, in fact if it ever comes up he claims he doesn’t. I’ve even tried to get him to watch it with me before and he says he doesn’t like it and doesn’t want to watch it. What does this mean and should I worry that he’s hiding other things from me?

–YouTube Viewer

Secret Masturbation Is A Habit

Growing up, if a boy got his hands on a Playboy magazine, he was lucky. If he didn’t want Mom to take it away, he’d make sure it was hidden really well and if asked about masturbation, he would deny, deny, deny. A lot of men carry this habit into their relationships with women, but not because he doesn’t trust you. It’s an old habit that dies hard, and some men just don’t think anything about stashing their porn or masturbating in secret because they’ve done it for so long. A man isn’t going to come up to his partner and say, “Hey, I was looking at porn today, what do you think?” It’s just something he does by himself and always has. It doesn’t mean he’s hiding other things from you or that you can’t trust him.

Build Trust

Build trust with your partner by masturbating in front of him and sharing your fantasies with him. Be open with him sexually and make him feel comfortable being sexually open with you. Encourage him to share his fantasies with you as well. Fondle him while you fondle yourself, and trade places. Let him fondle you while he fondles himself and see what happens. Don’t criticize your partner at all sexually, because you want to help him feel that the proverbial bedroom is a safe place to be where he can be himself and not worry about criticism or judgement of any kind. He needs to know that masturbation isn’t wrong and you’re not going to shun him for doing it. He’s not twelve anymore and he doesn’t have to hide masturbation from you. It’s a normal and healthy part of being a man and you need to help him to feel that way by being open and accepting.

Lead By Example

If you want to watch porn with your partner, lead by example. Bring some porn that turns you on to the table and let him know that you’re interested in watching it together. Don’t ask him to share his own porn with you because it will only serve to make him nervous and uncomfortable thinking about you watching his porn and picking it apart. Get some porn that can specifically be “couples porn” and only watch it with each other. Show him that he doesn’t need to be embarrassed about being turned on by porn and that porn can be a great way to spice up your sex life together.

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5. Teens And Porn – What Are The Hidden Dangers?

Question: What can I do to get my boyfriend to stop looking at porn and not say that other girls are cute/hot/sexy in front of me? I know he’d probably still say it in front of his friends but I don’t like him saying it around me.

–YouTube Viewer

Men Are Visual Creatures

Men are hardwired to be turned on by visual stimulation. Unlike women, most men can’t read a book to help them get turned on. Instead, most men watch some form of pornography to help them get turned on sexually. Every man likes something different when it comes to porn, whether it’s soft nudity or something a little more hardcore. There’s nothing wrong with a man watching porn to get turned on – it’s completely natural. Unless he’s watching porn and masturbating all the time instead of having sex with you, it’s perfectly normal. He doesn’t qualify for having a porn addiction unless watching porn is something that interrupts or takes over his daily life.

Other Women Can Be Pretty

When you started dating your partner, every other girl in the world didn’t magically get ugly. Forcing him to only look at you and think you are pretty is unreasonable and controlling. It will make your partner feel as though he can’t be honest with you or be himself around you, and it can wreak havoc on your relationship. Let him look at other women, and if he makes a comment about them, so be it. As long as he’s not being derogatory and making comments about how you should look like that, there’s no harm done. Learn to have enough self confidence to know that he thinks you’re sexy and hot too – and his favorite.

Lose The Jealousy Issues

If you find yourself wanting to force your man to stop watching porn or stop glancing at other women around you, it’s time to lose the jealousy issues. It’s normal for a man to watch porn and to notice pretty women around him. What isn’t normal is having such a low self esteem that you feel the need to control your partner so that he only looks at you. Realize that your partner chose to be with you and he makes that choice again every day as he continues to be with you and have a relationship with you. That runs so much deeper than simply thinking another girl is hot or pretty, or being turned on by nakedness. Who isn’t intrigued by nudity? We’re human and it’s part of us. Talk to a counselor – they can help you build your self esteem and learn to love yourself whether your partner looks at porn and other women or not. If you don’t lose the jealousy issues, you might very well lose your man.

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5. Porn Addiction! Huh? Women Addicted to Porn?!?

What Not To Do When Watching Porn With Your Partner

• Don’t ask your partner to pick out what he likes. You might not like the answer. Instead, choose a flick that you and he agree on and has elements that turn you both on.
• Don’t ask him to compare the woman in the movie to you in either looks or technique. This is a common mistake that many women make when watching porn with their partner, but it can be disastrous. Your partner doesn’t know the right answer to this – because no answer is a good answer.
• Don’t compare any men in the video to your man – at all - especially if you’re commenting on penis size.
• Don’t try to use porn to solve emotional or sexual problems in your relationship. If you and your partner aren’t both confident and open with each other, it will likely make any underlying issues you have worse.
• Don’t be afraid to tell your partner that you’re uncomfortable with something. If a certain movie or technique makes you uncomfortable – especially if he wants you to try it – let your partner know that it’s just not something that you’re comfortable with. Don’t be critical or judge him because it’s something that turns him on – simply suggest something else that you would both like.

What You Should Do When You Watch Porn With Your Partner

• Keep an open mind!
• Try watching amateur porn if you’re uncomfortable with pornography actors.
• Try making your own porn with your camcorder and watching it instead of traditional pornography. This can be a great learning experience too, because it allows both you and your partner to see your sexual techniques from a different point of view and can give you new ideas on how to improve your sexual skills.
• Watch the movie naked with your partner – it will be easier to allow the video to transition smoothly into sex with your partner.
• Have a “porn night.” Once a week or once a month, have a night that is completely dedicated to watching porn with your partner and incorporating new moves into your sexual routine.
• Try watching different styles of porn to keep things from getting boring.
• Have a few toys and some lube handy while watching the sexy flick. You’ll never know what you’ll be inspired to do!
• Remember that the best way to do something, such as giving your partner a blowjob or receiving oral sex from him, is not necessarily the way the porn stars do it. Do the things that your partner enjoys and listen to their body language to let you know if you’re getting it right – don’t just assume you’re doing what your partner likes just because the porn stars did it.

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5. Porn Addiction! Huh? Women Addicted to Porn?!?

Lots of people watch porn, but are there any hidden dangers to watching porn? Especially for teens? Visit our YouTube site and leave a comment – tell us what you think about teens watching porn!

Pornography Changes Your Perceptions

While teens masturbating is completely normal, you may be curious as to whether watching porn is a concern for teens or not. While men, and young boys of course, are visual creatures and may need visual stimulation to complete the masturbation experience, is porn a good way for them to do so? Not necessarily, and not just for teenagers. Many types of pornography give only a brief view of what sex is like, and often caters towards certain fetishes for rough sex, voyeuristic sex and more. Porn is like a snapshot of what sex and relationships are really like, and the “snapshot” is usually blurred, poor quality or grainy. It’s definitely not a good representation of what the real thing is like.

Pornography can skew a person’s perception of what sex is really like and what the human body is really like. This is especially true for teens, who are just beginning to develop their perceptions, however, it is true for anyone. Porn is not an accurate representation of any of these things, and teenagers especially don’t know how to tell the difference between what is represented in pornography and what is true in real life.

The Perception Of The Human Body

The biggest perception that can be skewed by porn is what people are supposed to look like. Teenage boys in particular can grow up watching porn and begin to believe that all women are supposed to look like porn stars and there is something wrong with those who don’t. If you support your teen or even your grown husband or boyfriend using a visual aid to help with masturbation, look for pornography or magazines with more realistic representations of the female body.

Maturity Is A Factor

So should your teenager watch porn? The likely consensus is no – however, maturity plays a factor in whether your teen should have access to pornography or not. It also depends on your religious preferences. Of course, if your religion dictates that pornography is unacceptable in all forms, you should certainly do your best to keep pornography out of your home at all levels. However, if you have a mature teen and access to realistic images and videos, pornography may actually benefit your teen, or even your grown husband or boyfriend. In fact, realistic pornography may even benefit teen girls and grown women as well. Some theories suggest that teens with access to pornography and who are comfortable with masturbation may choose to wait longer to have sex. Ultimately, it’s up to you and your teen, or you and your partner as to whether you allow pornography into your lives and how to keep the dangers of it at a minimum.

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Men prefer visual pornography while women find romance novels appealing, because it sets up a journey of love with rising passion and suspense. In short, a romance novel feeds that emotional desire that women have.  Men prefer pornography because it satisfies their need for visual stimulation.

Unfortunately, it’s difficult for a woman to understand a man’s perspective and that leads to jealousy and insecure feelings when it comes to pornography.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Do you have any advice on how to get over my jealousy? When I see my bf watching porn, I hate it! I figure it’s cheating ‘cause you’re imagining doing the other person. It’s so frustrating!

–(YouTube)

Why men like porn

Men are action oriented, that is, they like to see what is happening. Men enjoy seeing nudity and sexual acts visually, and that’s perfectly natural for them. It’s how they’re built. It is nothing more than a man’s fantasy and in isn’t quite the same as cheating.

If he were sleeping with the woman he was watching then it would be, but just for a man to envision a woman long enough to get his jollies isn’t the same. He isn’t thinking about running off with the woman that he’s watching, or thinking about how much better they are than the woman they’re actually with. It is just a momentary fantasy and it’s his way of releasing tension and relaxing. It doesn’t mean he is cheating because in the end he’s with you and he chose to be with you.

Getting over the jealousy of a man watching porn is as simple or as complex you want to make it.  The best thing is to just try and accept that men are visual creatures and watching porn is natural to them.  It’s not that he doesn’t love you, it’s just that it’s natural for him to want to see sexual acts and nudity visually because it helps to satisfy him.

It’s perfectly natural

Many times, a man will use porn to satisfy his immediate sexual desires when you are not around or when you’re asleep. This is perfectly normal and shouldn’t be considered cheating. If your partner chooses to use porn frequently to the point where your sex life as a couple is diminishing, it might be time to get some help from an unbiased counselor or sex therapist.

If your partner uses porn as a means to satisfy his sexual desires but your sex life is still healthy and strong, don’t worry about it! Relax and let it go. It can be difficult to do, but it’s possible and will help keep your relationship healthy and strong as well.

If your partner watches porn, it’s not considered cheating. It’s perfectly normal and natural, as it is for a woman to fantasize emotionally using romance novels or her own imagination. If your partner’s porn habits are bothering you, talk to him open and honestly about why it bothers you and what you both can do to reach a compromise.

You certainly can’t give him an ultimatum. That will only serve to anger him and cause him to watch porn without telling you. Perhaps you can watch porn together or find other ways to satisfy each other sexually while using porn. Work together to find a compromise that satisfies both you and your partner.

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By the end of the evening, she’s too edgy to sleep and a little lonely. She could saunter down to the lobby bar, but the thought of picking up a stranger has little appeal in today’s world of dangerous STDs.

She could call one of the men she dates from time to time, but doesn’t want to come across as needy. She could watch a pay-for-view movie ADULT movie, but doesn’t want to explain that charge to her employer.

Faced with those alternatives, she often ends the day snuggled up in bed with her laptop. She reads an erotic e-book by a favorite author. With one hand on the keyboard and the other under the covers, she gives herself some well-deserved “personal time.”

Afterwards, she sleeps like a baby.

Nathan and Bri have a great sex life, and Nathan’s as crazy in love with his wife as the day they married three years ago. Even so, he has fantasies of a threesome involving Bri, him, and another woman. In his favorite fantasy, Bri and the other woman begin kissing while he watches.

One thing leads to another and soon the women are naked on the floor, making love. After they’ve driven each other over the edge, the two women turn their attention to him.

So far, Nathan has refrained from sharing his fantasy with Bri, because he knows she’s strictly a one-man woman.

But once a week, when she’s out with her friends, he indulges himself with a box of Kleenex, a favorite lubricant, and a visit to a website featuring erotic stories about threesomes. He prefers the slow build-up and exotic settings offered by the stories to video porn’s bright lights, close-up shots, and predictability.

In the back of his mind, he harbors the hope that Bri will some day turn his fantasy into reality.

Katie and Patrick have been together for four years. They’re in a committed relationship, but Katie has come to realize that she needs more sex than Patrick.

He’s pre-occupied with starting a new business and happy with their twice a week routine. For her part, she’d prefer a trip down the “O” highway every day.

She’s not opposed to a furtive moment alone in the shower or a solitary fling on the day bed before Patrick returns home from work. But what works best for Katie is curling up in front of the fire or in the chaise lounge with a steamy period romance and a favorite vibrator.

She secretly hopes Patrick will find her books and want to see what she does with that vibrator while she reads.

Doing it by the Book

Masturbation, wanking, play time.

Call it what you like, it’s something we all do. In fact, Kinsey Institute research shows that 90 percent of all men over the age of 18 “toss one off” on a regular basis, while 65 percent of all women “rub one out” now and then.

The percentages are lower for married couples, but a Playboy survey found that 72 percent of married men masturbate, while a Redbook survey revealed that 68 percent of married women join in the fun.

Yet, when confronted with these percentages, many people are embarrassed to admit that they aren’t much different from everyone else when it comes to self pleasure.

Furthermore, even if we confess to an occasional personal dalliance, we’re likely to characterize it as a “moment of weakness.” In the words of the old “Seinfeld” episode, we take pride in being “masters of our own domain.”

But the truth is that “humming to our own music” is a more purposeful activity than we may like to own up to. Drawings of men and women engaged in sex are among the earliest and most prevalent art to adorn the walls of caves.

The first writings on sex can be traced to ancient Chinese and Indian cultures, and the public areas of Greek and Roman cities often contained art work depicting copulation, oral sex, and self pleasure.

It’s a good bet that our ancestors were using that art work and those writings to enhance not only their sex lives with partners, but also their solo sex. And based on the current market demand for erotica and porn, it’s likely that many of us today rely on sexy stories, photos, and videos to make our private time more enjoyable.

In fact, if the e-mail and blog comments I receive are any indication, I’m pretty sure that most readers of my stories and books are of the one-handed variety.

Bottom line

Most researchers and therapists view masturbation as a common and natural activity. If we’re going to do it, why not enjoy it to the fullest? If a hot story or a sexy book produces warm and fuzzies down below or indulges a particular fantasy, why not go with it?

Masturbation doesn’t need to be shameful or guilt-ridden, it can be a celebration of our singular sexuality, purposefully undertaken and augmented with erotica we love.

Doing it Without My Partner

A question that often arises is whether it’s harmful to a relationship when one or both partners masturbate in isolation to “dirty stories.” The concern is that solo masturbation, with or without the aid of erotica, is a form of “cheating,” and we all know how damaging that can be to a relationship.

But most researchers agree that couples should not be troubled by masturbation in a relationship so long as (1) it doesn’t take the place of sex between partners; and (2) neither partner’s self esteem is lowered by the other partner’s self enjoyment.

Remember Janie, Nathan, and Katie from the beginning of this article? Janie played with herself to the accompaniment of the bookmarked sections of her favorite e-book, when she was on the road and away from boyfriends.

Nathan indulged a fantasy his wife had little interest in, but it didn’t lessen his attraction to his wife. And Katie used erotica and masturbation to supplement her sex life with her husband.

It’s hard to see how anyone’s relationship was damaged.

Bottom Line: Open communication with your spouse or partner is always the best route. Talk about your sexual desires and fantasies. Come to an understanding about what both of you need, keeping in mind that sex is a mystery and that each person’s desires are valid and unique.

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There are different levels of pornography, from the mild romance novel to the hardcore BDSM movie.

Pornography also spans across different cultures, and some cultures are more accepting than others.

Many people may ask whether watching porn is wrong or if it shouldn’t be done, but the answer isn’t a clean cut “yes” or “no.”

Is it wrong to watch pornography?

What’s Wrong To You Isn’t Wrong To Me

Every culture, every country and every person has different views and beliefs about what is wrong and what isn’t. Therefore, when trying to determine whether watching pornography is “wrong” or not, you can’t simply abide by one set of beliefs because there is likely ten thousand other sets of beliefs who believe differently.

For example, there are some sects of strict Baptists and other religions who believe that dancing is downright wrong, while many other religions and cultures feel that dancing is just fine and still others that embrace it. Some people consider pornography to be “dirty” and therefore they feel that watching it is “wrong” but others find it completely acceptable.

How does watching pornography make you feel? How does that coincide with your religious and moral beliefs? Are you comfortable with mild, soft core pornography but not the more hardcore style films?

Really analyze and think about how you yourself feel about pornography, and decide what is right for you. Then, try your best not to impose your beliefs on someone else because realistically, they probably have an altogether different set of morals and beliefs.

My Partner Is Addicted To Porn

Perhaps you don’t approve of pornography, or it just doesn’t do anything for you. Your partner, however, might really like watching pornography and does so regularly. You might feel your partner is addicted to porn, when in reality they’re probably not.

How can you tell if it goes too far? If your sex life is becoming dull or non-existent in favor of pornography, you might have a problem on your hands. Does your partner miss work to watch porn, or skip family meals to do so?

If your partner seems to be watching pornography more than he or she is doing anything else, you might want to seek counseling. If they’re just watching it say on a Saturday night when you’ve gone up to bed early, there’s really nothing wrong with it.

If it truly bothers you, try being open and honest with your partner about how it affects you. Together you and your partner can find a compromise. If you or your partner refuses to budge about the situation, think long and hard about what steps you want to take next. You can’t change someone, you can only change how you react to what they do.

That said, if you find watching pornography uncomfortable or it just doesn’t do anything for you, join the thousands of other people who feel the same way you do. Just remember, not everyone feels the way you do, even if you feel that watching pornography is perfectly normal.

Don’t force your beliefs on anyone else and if you’re with someone who feels a different way about pornography than you do, take time to talk it out with them and reach a middle ground. Relax a little and go with the flow – everybody’s different!

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You’re not alone! There’s fighting, arguing and even ultimatums involved.

How do you know if you’re being manipulated? Abuse isn’t limited to just physical abuse. Both men and women are verbally and even sexually abused and manipulated often in relationships.

How do you know when to draw the line?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Your article on Husbands addicted to porn, my husband falls in that slot, but he wants me to sleep with other men while he video tapes it. We’ve been married for 11 yrs. I did it three times for him, and now I told him I can’t, its wrong, and told him he needs help, he says he doesn’t. If he doesn’t get his way he tells me he will leave me, and makes my life a living hell, with the fighting.

He says if I love him I will do this one more time. He also wants me to do a website, and he wants to sell these videos.

My friend thinks I should leave. I have three kids, and I don’t want to fail them. Any ideas on how I should deal with this?

- Gloria, Illinois

Verbal Manipulation

One of the telltale signs of manipulation is when the manipulator uses words, phrases or ultimatums to get his or her way. Threats, even if they’re empty, are also a sign that someone is manipulating you. How can you tell if you’re being manipulated?

• Your partner starts a huge fight if he or she doesn’t get his way
• Your partner threatens you if you don’t do what they want
• Your partner tries to persuade you to do something they want – this type of persuasion often starts out nice but ends with belittlement and anger when the persuasion doesn’t work right away
• Your partner is overall controlling

Verbal manipulation is sometimes the hardest to distinguish because the manipulator is often so good at talking their way into getting what they want that you barely recognize it.

Sometimes, however, it’s painfully obvious that your partner is often controlling and starts fights and arguments when they don’t get their way. They may even belittle you or give you ultimatums to get what they want.

Drawing The Line

Being in a manipulative relationship is classified as abuse, regardless of whether you come out bruised and beaten or not. Often, coming out of a manipulative relationship leaves your psyche pretty banged up, so it’s all the same. Many people stay in these types of relationships because they’re afraid they might not be able to care for their children alone, or because they think it might get better.

Even worse is when the manipulator promises they’ll change and does a very good job making you believe that’s true. Staying in a relationship like that is not healthy, but it’s ultimately up to you whether you decide to stay or leave. Where do you draw the line though?

Anything that your partner forces you to do or manipulates you into doing that makes you uncomfortable is definite grounds for terminating the relationship. You should never, ever have to do anything that you feel is wrong or makes you uncomfortable in any way, shape or form. First, let your partner know they’re making you uncomfortable or that you feel what they’re asking you to do is wrong. Judge their response.

If they’re a manipulator, they’re likely not going to respect what you have to say. They’ll instead use any means they can to get you to do what they want. You deserve to be respected! You should never have to do anything that you don’t want to do, or that makes you feel uneasy. If your partner doesn’t respect this, it’s probably time to move on.

Moving on from abusive or manipulating relationships can be difficult and sometimes it can seem downright impossible. You’re not stuck in an unhappy relationship though, as long as you don’t want to be! See a counselor or therapist to talk about your relationship. They can help bring light to your situation and can give you resources that will help you to move on from an abusive, manipulating relationship.

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Will is a commodities trader. He often leaves for the office early and returns home late. He’s known for his boyish good looks and twinkling blue eyes.

When they first started dating, Will was the one who initiated sex, the one who encouraged Lauren to try new positions and do things she never imagined good girls did. She enjoyed it more than she expected.

After they married, sex remained a centerpiece of their relationship, with Saturdays often devoted to exploring and satisfying each other’s urges and desires.

But in the last few months, their lovemaking has acquired a sameness. They’ve fallen into a pattern of straight missionary sex on the one or two nights a week that Will doesn’t fall asleep in front of the TV.

Lauren finds their couplings less than satisfactory. And she’s worried, because now when the guys at the office look, she’s tempted to look back. She’s caught herself fantasizing about that hunky fellow who exercises on his deck across the way. And the other night, she woke up from a dream about her high school boy friend, damp and flushed and too worked up to go back to sleep.

She’d like to talk to Will, but isn’t sure where to begin. She’d like inject a little spice into what’s become “same old, same old,” but is afraid of rejection. Why, the other night when she wore a new black thong to bed, Will didn’t even notice.

Maybe it’s time for a little erotica in this couple’s life.

Erotica: What’s That?

Lauren’s never been turned on by porn videos. Like a lot of women, she’s more threatened than aroused by the carved bodies, pretty faces, and practiced capabilities of the porno queens. So, popping a porn video in the CD player and snuggling up on the couch with Will probably isn’t the best solution.

On the other hand, Lauren remembers how much she enjoyed reading about sex when she was younger. She remembers being stimulated by descriptions of sex between characters she cared about in the context of stories in which she was engaged.

While it’s an overgeneralization, the distinction being drawn is between “porn,” especially video porn, and “erotica,” especially writings about sex. Researchers know that while men are easily stimulated by images of sex, women prefer reading about the down and dirty. The best news is that while men respond more quickly to visual images, they also respond to written erotica.

Especially, when it’s shared with a partner.

Finding What You Like

In an earlier article I explored how and where to find quality erotica. It’s available both online and in print. The first step to enjoying erotica with your partner is to find the flavor you like best among all the many offerings.

Because sexual tastes often differ and can be quite specific, erotica is often organized by flavor or “sub- genre.” Here are some of the most common and what they mean:

Romance (Romantica)—This is sexually explicit writing involving a romantic relationship, where the guy gets the girl (or vice versa). While some of the writing remains pulpy, much of it has evolved to include threesomes, gays, and lesbians loving it up in all manner of exciting settings and situations.

BDSM—This includes stories of bondage, discipline, submission, and humiliation. Ever thought about being tied up and blindfolded, ever wondered what it would be like to be someone’s sex slave, ever wanted to call all the shots? Here’s your chance to check it out. Bring collars, whips, and cock rings to the reading, if you’re really adventurous.

Sci-Fi and Fantasy—These are stories set in places far away and a long time ago. They often involving couplings between humans and non-humans. You can also find your share of horny elves, sex-starved vampires, and craven witches.

Fetishes—Fetishes involve sexual attraction to objects or situations that aren’t normally associated with sex. Remember that guy in college who loved your feet, maybe that was a foot fetish. Like the idea of watching or being watched? Ever get caught sniffing your partner’s lingerie? Ever fantasized about having sex while dressed in latex? You probably get the picture.

Erotic Couplings—This is by far the most common sub-genre and encompasses everything a couple can do to together on this planet without chains and whips, without getting too kinky, and without necessarily falling in love. It’s hot sex with an office co-worker, the pizza boy, a professor, or even a spouse. Maybe it’s sex on a train, at a resort, or on the patio. It’s probably not that far removed from what you’re already doing—only better.

Literary Erotica—Think Hemingway on Viagra. This is erotica that engages not only your nether regions, but also your mind. It’s so well-written, your sophomore English teacher would be proud, complete with beautifully crafted sentences, quirky and alluring characters, and a strong, believable plot line. And hot, really hot sex, made all the better, because the writing is so good.

The type of erotica you and your partner choose to share probably depends on your goal. If, like Lauren, you’re simply looking to add a little zing to a sex life that’s grown a little weary, a story about a couple caught in a snow storm might be just the ticket. If you and your lover want to explore a toy fetish, a BDSM experience, or sex in the 27^th century on the Planet Xeno with reptilian creatures that go both ways, you’ll want venture into other sub-genres.

Sharing the Moment

The best way to enjoy erotica together is to snuggle up in bed, on a sofa, or at the beach, and take turns reading. Maybe you light a candle, change into those silk boxers she bought you for Valentine’s Day, or enjoy a glass of wine together. For many couples the mere act of speaking sexy, forbidden words aloud can be highly arousing. Just hearing a partner describe a hot orgy or oral sex in the back of a packed theatre can cause temperatures to rise.

If you’re the reader, unleash your inner Academy Award winner. If you’re the listener, close your eyes, allow yourself to sink into your partner’s voice. And, remember, you can always put the book or story down and let nature take its course. The words will be there for reading later on.

Also, keep in mind that you don’t have to do everything you read about to have a great experience. It may be exciting to read about participating in an orgy, but you can still have plain-old vanilla, one-on-one sex, after the reading is done. On the other hand, that story about oral sex may be just what it takes to encourage him to go down on you.

If you can’t enjoy erotica in person, enjoy it a distance. One couple I know travels on business incessantly. She’s often in Los Angeles, while he’s in Newark. They like to unwind after a busy day by reading to one another across the phone lines.

A male acquaintance often e-mails snippets of stories or links to stories to his girl friend’s cell phone. It makes for great reading on the train ride home for her and a warm reception once she arrives for him.

A less technologically savvy friend slips sexy story anthologies or novels into her husband’s briefcase as he heads off to work. Now he’s reading thrillers during his lunch hour that end up giving both partners a thrill.

In the end, how you choose to share erotica is up to you. The possibilities are endless. The point is that it’s a great way to kick start a new sexual adventure or fan the flames of dying embers.

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Nevertheless, many women who are girlfriends and wives of men watching porn can feel hurt or neglected. She may even ask the man to stop watching porn… or else.

If you find yourself in this situation, you’re not alone. But what do you do?

Do you let him do it and continue to feel hurt, or do you make him stop or leave him?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I watched your video ‘husband uses porn’ and it rang a bell with my situation.  My husband has used porn for years and despite having attended counseling and asking him to stop he continues, however, he insisted he’d stopped.  I recently went to bed for an afternoon nap and came downstairs to find him using porn (while I was in the house!!).  I walked out.  After lots of talking we have decided to patched things up but I feel so hurt and angry at him, I am really concerned that if I trust him again he will just continue lying to me.   I need him to stop and give our relationship and me the attention it needs. I need to know I can’t trust him not to lie to me again.  I just don’t know how to move on.

- Helen, England UK

Accept That Men Are Visual Creatures

The first step to dealing with a pornography issue is to realize that men are visual creatures. They often need visual stimulation to become aroused. Porn offers the perfect solution to the problem.

The only problem is, many women disapprove of porn or feel it unnecessary. It’s okay to feel hurt and neglected if you’re the wife or girlfriend of a regular porn watching guy. But you should know that your regular porn watching guy is just a regular guy! All guys watch porn.

Accept your feelings and talk to your partner so he can accept your feelings as well, but you need to know that his pension for pornography does not make him a bad person, nor is he wrong for wanting to watch it.

Pinpoint the Issue

Does your partner watch pornography when you’re away and he’s not able to have sex with you? Possibly while you’re asleep or away on business? Or does your partner watch pornography all the time, while refusing to have sex with you?

This is your key to discovering a problem, if there is one. If you and your partner have a healthy sex life and he just happens to watch porn in addition to his sex with you, that’s perfectly fine! If you find that your partner would rather watch porn than sleep with you, you may have a bigger issue on your hands that could use the expert advice of a sex therapist.

Men Lie If They Don’t Feel Safe

If you’ve asked your partner to stop watching pornography before, and he says he has but you’ve caught him later doing exactly what you asked him not to do, you’re probably feeling angry and frustrated that he lied to you. Men – and anyone really – lie because they don’t feel safe telling the truth. He may be worried that you’ll jump his case or become really angry with him if he tells you he’s continued to watch porn.

If you want your man to be honest with you, you’ve got to create an environment in which he feels safe to do so. If he tells you the truth, accept it openly, even if it’s something you disapprove of.

Find a Balance

You and your partner can work together to find a balance between watching porn and not. Accept that there will be porn, and adjust your feelings about it. That doesn’t mean that you have to completely give up how you feel though. You can ask that he reserve it for when you’re not at home, or that perhaps you have a few nights that you watch it together.

Talk openly and honestly with your partner, and you can begin to find a place where you’re both happy. Don’t be afraid to seek counseling if you need it, from an unbiased third party such as a sex therapist.

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Men are willing to settle for scenes of disembodied sex organs colliding together under bright lights, while women are more likely to enjoy and be stimulated by descriptions of sex between characters they care about in the context of stories in which they’re engaged.

The term “erotica” is often used to refer to these softer images of, and especially writings about sex.

Many women enjoy erotica on their own, which is good news in and of itself. Even better news is that couples can enjoy erotica together as a prelude to sex or as a way to explore sexual activities, fetishes, and lifestyles they’re not ready for in real life.

Where Do I Find It?

Sex stories and novels are easy to find. More challenging is finding quality erotica. By this, I mean erotica that is well-written, with interesting characters, fascinating plots, exotic settings, and really hot sex.

Here’s a guide to finding the really good stuff.

Print Anthologies

Every year, several wonderful print anthologies featuring erotica are published. The most popular of these are “The Best of the Best American Erotica” edited by Susi Bright and “Dirty Girls: Erotica by Women” edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel. If you’re worried about buying these books in a public bookstore, all it takes is a credit card to purchase them confidentially and without embarrassment online.

I recommend these anthologies as a good place for couples to begin. They tend to include a sampling of various types of stories including literary, humorous, romantic, and really dirty erotica. You can read various styles and authors to see what really turns you on.

E-Books

Another highly popular source of erotica is e-books. E-books are electronic books, which range from story to novel length. They can be purchased online, typically for a fraction of the cost of print books, downloaded and read on your computer or e-book reader. While taking a laptop to bed with you might have much appeal, some e-book readers are no bigger than a cell phone. You can even acquire “read-aloud” software, so that the words are spoken in a voice you select, allowing for hands and mouth-free enjoyment, should that be of interest to you.

There are several sources of e-books. Ellora’s Cave is one of the more successful e-publishers and sells its books, organized by author and genre, directly from its website. Fictionwise is a virtual warehouse of e-books. You can find erotica titles simply by searching under the key word “erotica.” Lulu is another virtual warehouse offering self-published print and electronic media. Because the work is self published, authors aren’t required to meet anyone’s standards but their own, so quality of packaging and content is a concern. Again, a search under “erotica,” or a particular author’s name, will provide you with a wide variety of choices.

Free Erotica

If you want to experiment with free erotica, before laying out the cash for a purchase, there are plenty of options on the Internet. The most popular site is probably Literotica. This site offers both readers and writers of erotic stories and audios the opportunity to share their work and enjoy that of others amateur authors. The upside is the huge number of stories to choose from and a rating system that allows you to choose from the most popular stories in each sub-genre. The downside is the inconsistency of quality—it ranges from poorly-written anecdotes of the writer’s personal sexual experiences, to really excellent and well-written stories that should have made the print anthologies.

Clean Sheets and the Erotica Readers and Writers’ Association are other free websites. Unlike Literotica, where anyone can post stories, the stories appearing on these websites are selected by editors on their merits. New stories appear monthly, plus both sites maintain archives of previously published work. Another personally favorite site for free stories is Desdmona’s Erotic Stories Contests. Desdmona, the publisher of a highly-regarded “pay-for-erotica” site, Ruthie’s Club, sponsors contests once a year. The contests attract some of the best erotica authors working today.

Once you’ve looked around a bit, chances are you’ll find one or more authors you really like. Many erotica authors including myself maintain websites and publish erotic stories, blogs, and/or essays about sex on their personal sites. You’ll discover that your favorite authors also have their own favorites and provide links to these other authors.

There is plenty of really good sex writing out there. Why settle for anything less than the best?

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Ever wonder why most women hate porn? Then you’ll want to keep reading.

Michael and Chloe go to dinner. The food is sex on a plate—rubbed and grilled, sauced and drizzled, earthy and sea-scented. The wine is warming, causing her face to glow, his ears to buzz.

Afterwards they hit that new club uptown and listen to some great live music. They dance the salsa, swirling and humping, pelvises pressed together in a slow grind. In the car they snuggle close. Fingers entwine, tongues swirl. Hands play on thighs and breasts. Fabrics strain.

By the time they reach home, he’s tenting his trousers. She’s damp and giddy. He struggles to get the key in the door. She presses her hard nipples into his back and fumbles with his belt buckle. She’s ready to be swept off to the bedroom, entered and ravished. He reads the signals differently, thinking this might be the night to try something new.

While she’s in the toilet, he flips on the TV, slips in a CD (“Horny Teenage Tailgunners”), and cues it up. She hears it before she sees it. “Yeah, yeah, give it to me, give it to me.” He pats the sofa next to him. On screen, under bright lights, a heavy-chested tanned man with a penis the size of a baseball bat plunges into a woman from behind. She’s as blonde as California, sports size DD breasts, rock hard abs, and an ass and legs to die for.

Michael’s flushed and horny. Chloe’s threatened, wondering why he’d want this woman instead of her, wondering why he couldn’t just ask for anal sex, if that’s what he really wanted.

Hands on her hips, she admits she was pretty turned on by the first two paragraphs of this article, but finds the porn video more repulsive than sexy. She spins on her heel and heads to the bedroom, locking the door behind her and vowing to herself to dye her hair, get a boob job, and lose ten pounds. He’s left alone with a raging erection, wondering why she’s so uncool.

Images versus Writing

This vignette highlights a basic difference in men and women that both sexes can benefit from understanding.

Sex researchers have known for sometime that while men prefer to seek sexual stimulation from images, women favor reading about love, romance, and sex.

While men are likely to be turned on by the sight of strange couples and threesomes cavorting on staged sets, many women feel threatened by the carved bodies, pretty faces, and the practiced capabilities of the porno queens.

While men are willing to settle for scenes of disembodied sex organs colliding together under bright lights, women are more likely to enjoy and be aroused by depictions of sex between characters they care about in the context of stories in which they’re engaged.

Marketers have long taken advantage of these differences. They realize that men buy and consume most of the porn on the Internet and on video and target their offerings to males. Publishers of sexually explicit stories and novels, on the other hand, target female readers. The most successful and widely read stories and novels are those involving strong female protagonists engaged in romantic relationships. The sex takes place in the context of those relationships.

Porn versus Erotica

Some explain the differences in men and women’s tastes by saying that men prefer “porn,” while women prefer “erotica.”

In this sense, “porn” means hard core images of professional and attractive models performing stylized sex for pay—think “facial,” “double-penetration,” “deep throating,” “fisting,” and “money shot.” It’s these conventions and stylized images that many women find threatening and demeaning rather than stimulating.

By contrast, “erotica” refers to softer images of, and especially writings about, sex. The characters may be model-attractive, but are just as likely to look like ordinary people. Erotica may be explicit in its depiction or description of sex, but is just as likely to involve the more mundane sex almost of us are lucky to enjoy once or twice a week.

Erotica, in its written form, ranges from raunchy Penthouse Forum anecdotes of frat house sex to literary erotica complete with beautifully crafted sentences, fascinating characters, and zingy plots.

What it Means for Couples

First, women who aren’t turned on by a porn video shouldn’t feel inadequate. They should have the confidence to share their feelings with their partners. Men should respect what their female partners tell them and understand that it’s probably not personal.

Second, men looking to stimulate their female partners or encourage them to try something different should recognize that they’ll probably have better luck with an erotic story than a porn video. And while it’s no secret that men get turned on by sexually explicit images, they’ll also find themselves just as excited by stories and novels about sex. It just takes a little longer.

Finally, women curious about sexual activities, positions, fetishes, or life styles they might not be ready to explore in real life may find it easier to read about such things than watch a pornographic video clip. Women seeking sexual stimulation on their own will likely respond more favorably to a hot story or novel than a gaudy and bawdy porno film.

Bottom line: Couples should discuss what works best for them, keeping in mind a basic difference between men and women. Words work best for women, while images are preferred by men.

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Watching pornography isn’t something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about because it’s more than likely that the person sitting right next to you watches it to.

That said, is it possible that someone can watch too much pornography or become addicted to it?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I’ve just watched the video about a woman being addicted to pornography and it made me think.

I think it’s fair to say I’m addicted to pornography …  But the twist is that it can’t be because I’m lazy and I don’t even have a sex life.  I don’t have a relationship, and I’m not interested in getting one anytime soon. Is watching porn every other night or so bad?

- Kevin,   California

How much porn is too much?

Generally, even watching pornography as often as every other night and in some cases every night isn’t considered “too much.”  That depends, though.  How much is too much?  There are no set “rules” for how often someone has to watch pornography for it to become “unhealthy” or “too much.”  It varies from person to person.  For example, someone who watches pornography every couple of nights but who has always done this and still maintains healthy, loving and sexual relationships in their life has not taken the habit to an unhealthy level.

On the other hand, if someone who rarely watches pornography begins watching every night or every other night and is lacking meaningful, intimate relationships may have an issue that needs to be dealt with.  There is no one way to tell if someone is watching too much pornography – it’s something you have to judge for yourself.

Can pornography be addicting?  Sure – everything can be addicting, especially for someone who has an addictive personality.  That, however, doesn’t mean that if you watch porn often that you are automatically addicted to it.  You have to truly think about whether it’s an actual addiction or not.

Do you think about pornography all the time, even when you’re not watching it?  Do you find that you’re irritable or act differently if you don’t watch it?  Do you reschedule appointments, skip family time or stay at home while your friends are out just so you can watch porn?  If you’re answering “yes” to any of these questions, you might be addicted to it.  If not, then you most likely have nothing to worry about.

If you find that you’d rather watch pornography than have an actual, meaningful and sexual relationship, that’s something you need to really take a look at.  It wouldn’t be the first time someone has used pornography in an attempt to avoid being hurt in a relationship or being taken advantage of.  Let’s face it – watching pornography is a lot faster, takes less effort and ends when you want it to.

Theoretically, it’s the greatest relationship ever.  In reality, if you’re substituting porn for an actual relationship, you end up missing out.  Do you have deep seated issues that keep you from dating or beginning relationships?  If there are psychological reasons that keep you from having relationships, such as childhood abuse or self confidence issues, the best way to work those out is with a therapist.

All in all, the majority of people who watch pornography – even if it’s nightly or every other night – aren’t addicted to it nor do they watch it “too often.”  Does someone who never watches pornography watch it “too little?”  That’s unlikely – so it differs from person to person.  If you’re comfortable watching porn, your relationships aren’t suffering and you’re not showing classic signs of a serious addiction or deeper issues . . . well, sit back, relax and enjoy!

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Porn is a booming business

From posing naked bodies to oral sex to intercourse to orgasm the adult movie business, and industry is available to people around the world 24/7.

Be it in the privacy of a motel room, bedroom of a family, on a computer laptop, bought at an adult bookstore or shop, etc. the billion dollar business is enjoying its best business ever.

Do you admit to your partner that you watch porn?

Take the controversial poll at the end of this article to see where you fit in!

Objections to porn

Whatever you do, though, do not tell the feminists, government, or the church set. In a rare show of agreement, these three groups find many things offensive because of one reason or another.

Feminists feel women are objects and are devalued in power and purpose; in the past few years, the U.S. government is ever trying to make more regulation on the books making it harder for consenting adults; the church and moralist find tons wrong over issues ranging from the glorification of premarital sex to the promotion of gay / lesbian / bisexual / transgender “lifestyles”.

Each group has validated their points regarding the ills of pornography (according to their belief systems). I believe instead of taking the battle against the things most consenting adults enjoys we can focus the battle against issues 90% of adults can agree on (i.e. child pornography, child abuse, etc). Plus, I wish these groups would press the issue regarding the performers and their health (i.e. mandatory testing by studios of all performers).

Is porn getting a bad rap?

Now the first question we need to ask is if pornography is getting a bad rap or not? My answer for this one is yes! Many definitions can be made for pornography, but one I would like to use and stick with is this one:

Pornography: The art that captures the fantasies, desires, and dreams of the populace’s sexual lives. Its function is to stimulate, educate, and entice the viewer to visual ideas towards sexuality.

Can it be improved?

Instead of bashing the genre I think the genre needs improvement in how it presents the canvas. But how can this be done?

I will not lie to you that, trying to get a grasp this subject or a substantial majority of people saying they agree porn is not a problem is a stretch especially in religious circles. Even the members of Christ Pro Erotic are not totally sold on porn and if believers in Jesus can even view it. But a few things I’ve found regarding adult material and how we view it can be helpful and beneficial on both sides.

• If viewing or purchasing pornography takes more of a priority than your family, finances, spouse/partner then you need to seek help or talk it over with you’re your mate. This kind of indulgence is harmful to a relationship and to a life when you are more preoccupied with it and replace a good live relationship with porn.
• You will not find any “thou shalt not watch porn” in the Bible. Like all freedoms know what the pros and cons about viewing porn. Pray about it! Discuss with your partner what is acceptable with  enjoyment of pornography. Respect their views and boundaries and do not veer off regardless of their final decision. (See Romans 14: 13,14 for guidance).
• Don’t expect to be Ron Jeremy or Jenna Jameson (the number one and two performers of all time according to Adult Video News Magazine) in the bedroom. Look, no one person can sustain as long as one scene in a movie. It’s a movie-remember one scene is shot in several takes. If you can please contact this website to tell us how it is done. Fantasy is one thing; reality is not as bad if you try to make each moment in the bedroom pleasurable and purposeful for both partners.
• Those who object strongly to porn need to bring a better alternative to the table. If feminist feel strongly about women being treated as objects or then help find ways to turn the table. Write to the production studios, talk to directors, state your case with friends who enjoy porn, and even consider making porn with a respect towards women. Candida Royalle was in the business during the golden age of porn and decided to make erotic films from a female perspective. She has a great line of movies and other products empowering women in the bedroom and beyond.
• This may be a hard one with the men, but if your mate is not into porn then respect her wishes. Value your relationship more than a your porn collection good man. She may have a good reason why she is not into porn as you are (self image, performance, looks, etc.) but value her input.
• And please, PLEASE stop making your enjoyment of porn a “male only” issue. Involve your wife/spouse/partner into your enjoyment. You may be surprised what she enjoys and what turns her on.

Above all it is you, the consumer, who can send the message to the adult industry you want a more realistic vision of sexuality. It is also important to realize you do not have to be performing CirqueDuSolei in the bedroom, but just enjoy being intimate with your partner in the bedroom. All the images in the world (and the world wide web) could never bring to life that kind of enjoyment.

Other alternatives

There are other alternatives to bringing in hard core pornography into the relationship including soft core erotica, sexually instructive videos (check out Nina Hartley’s “How To” series), or written erotica can stimulate sexual images and fantasies without the silicone and moving body parts.

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He lies about it.

You get angry.

You fight.

Welcome to the club. We don’t know a single woman that hasn’t at least gotten miffed about her man’s porn watching. Is it the man’s fault? Should he stop watching it? Well, we’re going to be honest here and you may not like what we have to say.

It’s not the man’s fault and no, he shouldn’t have to stop watching porn.

We’re also going to share a little secret with you that may make your life easier.

It has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband and I have been together for eight years. We have a pretty good sex life, but for the past year we have been fighting about porn. He sneaks off and watches it. I have tried to get him to watch it with me, hoping he will stop sneaking and lying about it.

I have low self esteem and it hurts. I wish he would share it with me, it is starting to cause a problem with our marriage.

– Stephanie, PA

So he watches porn…

Let’s break it down. He watches porn – why? Well, because he likes it. Women may not understand that but there are many things that women do that men don’t “get.” For example, women have their nails done. They do it because they like it and it feels good. Do women get their nails done because there’s something about their husbands that they don’t like? Absolutely not! For men, watching porn is pleasurable, plain and simple.

Of course he lies about it

You ask him about his habits and he lies about it. Of course you know better, but why is he lying? The answer to that question is a tough one – he is lying about it because he doesn’t feel safe being honest with you. Why would he feel that way? He is afraid of you getting angry at him for doing something as natural to him as washing your hair. How would you like it if you got interrogated and yelled at every time you washed your hair?

Why you have a problem with it

Now that you understand more about where your man is coming from on this issue, you can delve a little deeper into how you feel about the situation. When he watches porn, it hurts you. Sure it does, but it shouldn’t and the reason it hurts you has nothing to do with him.

Many women are in this same position because they have low self-esteem and jealousy or control issues. These are coming from you – not him. Take some time to really think about why you feel the way you do about porn and do what you can to change those things. This is the time to really focus on yourself– trust us, when you take care of the inner issues, the outer ones don’t seem like such a big deal.

Take action

With that said, we know you’re not going to sit back and let him watch porn all day while you take a hot bath and work on self-acceptance. Here’s what you can do to take action:

Get your own porn, your own toys and get on with it! Too shy? Don’t worry – after you’ve taken care of those inner issues, confidence will begin to take their place. Let your husband watch how you do it and chances are he’ll really get into it.

Don’t make rules about when he can or can’t watch porn – he’s free to do it by himself or with you. If you leave the issue alone and let him be himself, he’ll probably take a little from column A and a little from column B – and that’s okay.

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But here’s a shocker…  lots of women actually enjoy porn, or some form of exotic, erotic entertainment. This urban myth that women don’t like porn or erotic movies goes back to the same popular culture ignorance that leads so many to believe that women don’t want or enjoy sex as much as men.

Fact is, women DO like sex just as much as men do. They just go about it differently, usually in a more discrete, seductive way.

Here’s a question from a lady in California who’s afraid she’s actually become ADDICTED to porn!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have gotten into the habit of watching pornography to help me orgasm, whether it’s masturbating or having my boyfriend go down on me. I used to be able to have an orgasm without porn, but now I’m dependent on it. I don’t think my boyfriend minds much, but it’s just a nuisance.

How can I ease this habit?

– Aly, California

Why All Addictions Are Bad. Yes, Even Addictions to Porn.

Addictions are bad. It doesn’t matter what you’re addicted to: porn, cigarettes, food (which most everyone is addicted to), or anything else. Doing something because you WANT TO is great. But when you start NEEDING to do it, you know you’re in trouble. The whole fun and joy comes out of it, and you become a slave to whatever you’re doing.

STOP IT! If you realize you have an addiction that’s not serving you (most of them don’t), then kill it, don’t feed it. Most addictions feed an emotional emptiness of some sort. Do away with whatever you’re addicted to and find a better way to meet that need.

And the easiest way to make it stop is to SAY NO that very first time. That will begin to shatter the destructive behavior. When you feel the NEED to do it, do something else. Anything else. Each time you ‘just say no’ and choose a positive action instead, your brain re-wires itself to NOT be dependent on the addiction. Pretty soon, you’ll be free.

If you make a serious effort and still can’t break yourself of it, then get help. Find a counselor to help you get through it. But it all starts with you saying NO that first time and deciding it’s over.

Why Is Pornography Wrong?

Take a moment and really think about that. What IS wrong with watching porn?

I feel that it’s largely due to the social stigma around sex that exists in our society today. Sex is portrayed as evil and wrong, which is just silly if you actually think about it.

Sex is not evil, so why is it wrong to watch others have sex?

Not as a replacement for intimacy of course, but maybe something to help get you BOTH in the mood. And don’t necessarily think of the hard core stuff on the pay per view channels. How about some really erotic movies that’ll get you both excited and in the mood? Not every time, but as a fun change on a sexy date night.

What Is It About Porn That You Find Exciting?

To break the porn addiction, it’s vital to figure out what exactly you find exciting about it. Are you maybe enjoying a certain type of sex play? Is it bringing out some secret fantasies that you haven’t shared with your partner – or maybe which you were afraid to share for some reason?

Once you figure out what it is that’s really getting you excited, here’s a big question for you. Are you trying these things in your sex life? No? Why not?

Sex is so much more fulfilling when you openly share your wants and desires with your partner. Open and honest communication is crucial for a happy sexual and romantic relationship. So give it a try: talk. You’ll never know if you don’t ask.

Slow Seduction – Why It Matters

Are you getting enough warm up time and mental stimulation, or is it just Wham-Bam-Sex?

Sex is not just about the physical mechanics or inserting Tab A into Slot B. It’s about the excitement, the passion… the most enjoyable part of sex is mostly mental. Sure, the orgasm feels good either way, but there’s no substitute for hot, steamy sex where your mind and body are completely and utterly aroused and playing as one!

Remember also that some men are always ready to go at the drop of a hat. But women usually need more warm up time. Nothing like a hot date with the promise of a steamy, sleepless night to get you both turned on. Build up the anticipation and the tension, and you’ll be pleasantly amazed at the results.

Time to Bring the Excitement and Hot Sex Back Into Your Love Life

Leave the TV behind and bring that excitement in the real world. Nothing wrong with some porn or an exotic thriller now and then for a stay-home date night, but the real world can be so much more stimulating.

With just a little effort, you can actually spark some real excitement in your sex life. Block off some time each week to go out on some hot, exciting dates together. Don’t just talk about it, take action and make it happen. Take this seriously: schedule it now as if it was a doctor’s appointment. You’re going, and the appointment is set.

Now watch the anticipation build as you come up with exciting plans for your steamy date. And when the day comes, get to know each other even more intimately, share your hidden fantasies, and see where the night takes you.

Sex is a wonderful God given gift for us all to enjoy, preferably with someone we’re close to. So indulge yourself and your partner. Explore your desires together and have fun!

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Some people take a firm stand against porn, while others use porn and erotic movies to enhance and spice up their sex lives.

And these days, internet pornography is easily accessible to those interested, and it’s very easy to hide from those who are against it. No more hiding magazines under your bed…

This has been the topic of many heated discussions between couples and family members for generations, and the sparks are really starting to fly.

Here’s a question from Serena in Illinois. She found internet porn on her boyfriend’s computer and is furious with him!

Dear Dan and Jennifer, My husband of 5 years has always seemed like an honest person. But I recently found internet porn on my computer. When I asked him about it he lied – of course.

He knows I’m dead set against Porn. It made me feel disgusting both inside and out. I told him that if that’s what he needs then I’m gone because I can’t and won’t live like that. He swears to never do it again.

Is he being truthful? Plus if he knew I was against it why would he still do it? It made me feel like I’m not good enough for him. Did I do something wrong for this to take place? Thanks for taking the time to read this.

–Serena

Why is Porn Wrong?

So why do so many feel that it’s wrong to view pornography? I feel that it’s largely due to the social stigma around sex that exists in our society today. Sex is portrayed as evil and wrong, which is just silly if you actually think about it.

Sex is not evil, so why is it wrong to watch others have sex? It’s very interesting that it’s OK for our kids to see incredible amounts of violence, but seeing even a breast is horrible. OMG! Don’t believe me? Check out cartoon network and then pay attention to what can and cannot be shown in a G-rated or PG-rated movie. This to me is what’s really scary!

Fighting, violence, and blood are acceptable for our children, but sex is not. That’s just messed up!

Trying to Control Your Partner

If you’re in a partnership and your significant other enjoys porn but you can’t stand it, what do you do?

Ask yourself what it is that you don’t like about pornography. Why is it disgusting or unacceptable to watch a sexual act? What’s really wrong with nudity?

Once you’ve got a true understanding in your own head, only then can you have an intelligent discussion with your partner. Yelling and ultimatums never work.

And put away that ugly jealousy monster. Just because your partner enjoys pornography does not mean that he or she does not find you attractive, or is going to leave you for someone else.

In fact, why not try watching with them to get an idea of what they enjoy. It could actually make your sex life even better.

Next…

How about accepting your partner for who they are and letting them enjoy themselves as long as it doesn’t turn into a true addiction. Excessive need for anything is not healthy, whether it is chocolate donuts or nudity.

Love is not about controlling our partners and bringing them around to our way of thinking. There are some things that you’ll differ on. In this case you may simply need to agree to disagree.

Why Ultimatums Never Work

“It’s X or me! Pick one!”

How many times have we heard, or said, this to someone? What actually happens when you say this is that you close the door for open an honest communication. Your partner now feels that they cannot be honest with you for fear of retribution, and that begins a downward spiral to destroying a relationship. In most cases, this person will get angry and defensive, and sometimes they’ll just storm out of the room. And guess what, they’re probably going to go behind your back and do it any way.

If you feel that there is a really an issue with addiction, then counseling or other professional help may be the answer, but ultimatums rarely work.

If you do choose to make and ultimatum, then you’d better be prepared to back it up, and possibly to lose your relationship. Ask yourself… is it really worth it?

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4. Help! My Husband Is Forcing Me To Make A Porn Video!
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The hard core stuff may work for the guys, but chances are it’ll do little or nothing for her. She most likely wants something with a little more warm up time and some intellectual stimulation, with a little slow seduction mixed in.

And I think most guys will agree that it’s well worth the extra time to get their partner as revved up as they are.

Certainly there’s lots of adult live video available online in every imaginable genre, much of it free on sites like Totally Free Cams and iFriends (warning: NSFW).

There’s something to be found for every imaginable sex fantasy and fetish out there.

But how about finding something different… some hot steamy sex movies that will get you both excited and ready for a memorable night of hot, passionate sexual adventure?

The Question

My wife had suggested watching porn together to get her excited before having sex. I thought it was a great idea, but I had a hard time selecting a video that isn’t too raunchy or distasteful… do you have any recommendations?

The Answer

Fact is hard core porn doesn’t really get women excited and in the mood. It’s just a little too over the top for most women. For this reason a lot of men think women don’t like watching sex movies. Nothing could be further from the truth - women just have slightly different tastes.

So why not try a different twist? How about some steamy erotic movies that will get you both excited and ready for a memorable night of hot, passionate sexual adventure?

Sexy, Erotic Thrillers

There are quite a few options in the erotic thriller category, many of which are truly good quality movies that include a real plot and real characters with depth – the kind you can actually relate to.

An erotic thriller should have the key ingredients to get you both going in the right direction: sexual attraction and lust, a little danger and excitement, sexual intrigue or forbidden passions, and slow seduction.

Here are some of our favorite hot erotic thrillers

• 9 1/2 Weeks
• Another 9 1/2 Weeks
• Wild Orchid
• Basic Instinct
• Sliver (Unrated Edition)
• Two Moon Junction

Start with these and see what happens

Get a couple of these and plan to stay in for a hot movie date with your partner. See how you two feel when things start to get hot - and guys, when you start to get really excited, wait another 15 minutes to give her time to catch up…

P.S. – If anyone knows of any similar movies that we don’t have listed, add a comment and share you favorites. We’re always looking for new erotic movies to watch together.

But if you still find yourself looking for something more hard core, then check out some of the adult live streaming video sites like Totally Free Cams or iFriends (warning: NSFW).

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2. Porn Addiction! Huh? Women Addicted to Porn?!?
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