Sue was totally in love with Jim. The couple met in high school and dated for eight years. Everyone who knew them expected them to get married and live happily ever after together. Then Jim met Karen. Before anyone knew what was happening, including Sue, Jim had eloped with Karen, putting an end to all of Sue’s dreams and expectations.

Sue was devastated. All she could think about was Jim and how she had been cheated out of a happy and secure lifetime with him.

She attempted to date other guys, but no one could compare to Jim in her eyes. Sue spent her days feeling sorry for herself and dreaming that one day, Jim would return to her.

After many years, Sue finally married another man. However, he could not measure up to Sue’s memory of Jim. As a result, Sue’s marriage was an unhappy one in which she never was able to give her all to her husband. After a number of unhappy years, her husband left Sue as well.

Sue lived out the remaining years of her life lonely, embittered and righteously indignant about how she had been wronged.

You Can’t Have A Happy Relationship In The Present If You’re Still Living In The Past

It is impossible to be totally present to life, living full out in the moment, if we are incomplete with our past. Instead of welcoming each new experience with a fresh perspective, we become bogged down in the baggage from previously unresolved issues. These issues steal our life energy and diminish of self-esteem.

All too often, when something does not work out as we had hoped, we worry about or re-live the event over and over again. Maintaining our focus on the past distracts and confuses us, draining our energy.

With less energy to focus on making the present an exciting passionate adventure, we slip into resignation and begin to see ourselves as limited, ineffective, unworthy, and even unlovable.

The future presents us with an opportunity to complete the past. When we do so, people and events no longer possess an emotional charge.

Communicating responsibly with the appropriate people and releasing any remaining opinions, feelings, upsets or emotions until there is nothing left to say is the access to clearing all residue that may interfere with moving on in life. When there is nothing left to say or do and you are void of further energy around an incomplete incident, you can start anew.

Complete The Past And Start Living Today

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1. He’s STILL Living With His Ex Girlfriend After The Break Up? (Video)
2. How Letting Go of the Past Can Help You Hold On To The Future (Video)
3. How to Deal With Feelings of Jealousy and Insecurity About Past Relationships
4. Happy Relationships: How To Replace Fear And Doubt With Gratitude, Love and Trust
5. How To Start Living (and Dating) Again After The Death Of Your Partner

And then it happens. She tells you she’s been married four times. Yes, four.

So, what do you do?

Run for hills? Head to the little boy’s room never to return? Make your excuses and then “lose” her phone number?

Or do you grow up and little bit and give her the benefit of the doubt?

The cold, hard truth

The truth is she’s not a serial rapist or a serial killer or even necessarily a serial bride. She’s a woman who made some choices that didn’t quite pan out. Granted they may have been bad ones. I’ll give you that and thenask you this. So what?

There are actually a couple of things to think about here. First of all, haven’t you been in relationships that didn’t work out?How many? Uh huh, that’s what I thought. The only difference is she married them; you didn’t. Maybe she’ll judge you and consider you someone who has commitment issues based on that. Hmmm.

Relationships, and marriages, fail for many reasons. There may have been an abuse issue, an alcohol or drug issue, a control issue, or maybe even a death. Sadly, in today’s world these things happen way too often.

And remember, it takes more courage and heart to leave an abusive or alcoholic relationship than to stay in one.

Secondly, are you the same person you were 20 years ago? 10? Even 5? Do you make decisions the same way now as you did in the past? Have your values and maturity levels changed?

As we grow and mature, we gain experiences, both good and bad, that shape us into the people we are today. We make mistakes, we learn from them, and we move on tomake more decisions.

Think of it this way. When you’re dating in your 30s and 40s, you’ve been through some crap. Unless you’ve been locked in a closet for 30 or 40 years, you’ve done some things and made some choices that were less than stellar.

Do you want to be judged on the basis of just those choices?…

Related articles:

1. 8 Signs Your Date is Married
2. Did Your Marriage Fail Because Marriage is a Flawed Concept or Because You Married the Wrong Person?
3. Why You’d Be Crazy To Get Married Before You’re 30
4. Second Date Ideas… Keeping it Fun and Exciting after the First Date
5. Can’t Get A Second Date – Could Smoking Be The Reason?