Click here to view the embedded video.

Sex And Psychology

The most complicated part of human psychology is sex. Sex involves so many things, including the body, the mind and even your emotions. What feels good physically doesn’t always feel good emotionally, and what feels good emotionally doesn’t always please you physically. It can be difficult to understand why someone may have a fear about sex or have a sex related phobia, because there are so many contributing factors to sex. In persons who haven’t been sexually abused, a fear of sex or a sex phobia can seem irrational. The human body and mind was created to enjoy and take pleasure from sex, and it’s one of the most natural things for two human beings to do together. What are some things that can cause an irrational fear of sex?

Painful Sex

Many people can experience pain during sex or masturbation. In women, small vaginas or lack of natural lubrication can make penetration extremely uncomfortable or painful. In some women, the clitoral hood doesn’t cover the clitoris completely, making most types of sexual contact painful instead of pleasurable. In men, a poorly done circumcision can leave too little skin on the penis, making an erection uncomfortable or painful when the skin stretches too taut. Penises also have stiff, fibrous muscles that when erect, can “break.” It’s rare, but rough masturbation or sex can “break” a penis, making sex or even erections painful if it’s not corrected immediately. Anyone that experiences pain during sex or masturbation can develop a fear of sex or sex related activities, depending on what causes them pain or discomfort.

Psychological Issues

Many people have an irrational fear of sex due to psychological factors. Some people have phobias of sex or masturbation because their parents brought them up in an overly religious environment, or they were taught to think sex is dirty. Believe it or not, many women are taught that enjoying sex is “wrong” and that sex is only something they must do as a wife when they get married. Many of these women don’t have orgasms and have very poor and unsatisfying sex lives, therefore, may avoid sex as much as they can in fear of it. Many men and women are brought up thinking that masturbation is wrong as well, even that it will give you hairy palms or cause blindness. Any type of skewed thinking about sexual pleasure that was ingrained on a person as a child can contribute to sexual fears and phobias in adulthood.

STD’s And Pregnancy

Some people avoid sex all together because they have deeply rooted fears of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. Perhaps someone in the family contracted AIDS or got pregnant, and the family criticized them or looked down upon them. Perhaps someone contracted a sexually transmitted disease or got pregnant and is terrified of it happening again. Fears of pregnancy and STD’s can play a large part in someone’s irrational phobias of sex.

What To Do

If you have a fear of sex or sex related activities, it’s important to see a doctor. What you’re experiencing, however, can determine which type of doctor you go see. If you’re having physical pain during sex, you should make an appointment with your general practitioner or family doctor. They can do a physical examination as well as take a detailed medical history to determine what exactly is causing the pain or contributing to it. If you’re having psychological issues with sex, consider seeing a therapist or a specialized sex therapist to help talk to you about your phobias, why you have them and how you can work your way through them.

Many people are afraid of seeing the doctor – regardless of which type – because having a sexual fear for whatever reason can seem embarrassing. Lots of things are embarrassing though, and you deserve to have a happy, healthy sex life. Find a doctor or therapist that you’re comfortable with, and take control of your sex life.

Related articles:

1. Frantic Girlfriend! How Do I Overcome My FEAR of Sex? (Video)
2. Is My Penis Too Big To Fit? (Video)
3. Will Daily Masturbation Affect Puberty? (Video)
4. Painful Sex – Should It Still Hurt? (Video)
5. How to Get Over Shyness & Fear of Rejection to Get the Girl (Video)

But here’s a shocker…  lots of women actually enjoy porn, or some form of exotic, erotic entertainment. This urban myth that women don’t like porn or erotic movies goes back to the same popular culture ignorance that leads so many to believe that women don’t want or enjoy sex as much as men.

Fact is, women DO like sex just as much as men do. They just go about it differently, usually in a more discrete, seductive way.

Here’s a question from a lady in California who’s afraid she’s actually become ADDICTED to porn!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have gotten into the habit of watching pornography to help me orgasm, whether it’s masturbating or having my boyfriend go down on me. I used to be able to have an orgasm without porn, but now I’m dependent on it. I don’t think my boyfriend minds much, but it’s just a nuisance.

How can I ease this habit?

– Aly, California

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

Don’t forget. Click here to Give this Video 5 Stars on YouTube and Subscribe to Ask Dan And Jennifer so you’ll stay up to date with our latest videos.

Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts – leave a comment below.

Why All Addictions Are Bad. Yes, Even Addictions to Porn.

Addictions are bad. It doesn’t matter what you’re addicted to: porn, cigarettes, food (which most everyone is addicted to), or anything else. Doing something because you WANT TO is great. But when you start NEEDING to do it, you know you’re in trouble. The whole fun and joy comes out of it, and you become a slave to whatever you’re doing.

STOP IT! If you realize you have an addiction that’s not serving you (most of them don’t), then kill it, don’t feed it. Most addictions feed an emotional emptiness of some sort. Do away with whatever you’re addicted to and find a better way to meet that need.

And the easiest way to make it stop is to…

Related articles:

1. Help! My Husband is Addicted to Porn! (Video)
2. How Much Porn Is Too Much And How Do I Know if I’m Addicted? (Video)
3. I Like Watching Porn… What’s The Big Deal? (Video)
4. Porn vs. Erotica: What Women Really Want
5. Watching Porn – How Do I Make My Lying Husband Come Clean? (Video)

Huh? Yes, there are many people out there, mostly women, who are afraid of sex. The slightest mention of sex can completely lock them up and bring them to tears.

Here’s a desperate cry for help from a lady in the U.K. facing the dire prospect of losing her husband…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am a 24 year old woman, 8 months pregnant, and don’t enjoy sex at all. It all started when I was about 18/19. I had my first real love and it was brill.

The only problem that I had was that I didn’t like to have sex or even talk about it. The thought of it makes my whole body tense up. I’m with a loving partner now who I have been with for 2 years. We have sex occasionally, twice to maybe three times a month. I’m really worried because I can’t satisfy him. I would love to, but even talking about it now I feel like I want to cry.

He has suggested some things like games / watching videos / role play, but I can’t do it because I feel embarrassed. He sometimes shouts at me because he gets sexually frustrated, and says that he might even stray if I gave him permission. I really need some advice, as I feel I might lose him. Please help.

– Emma, United Kingdom

Click here to view the embedded video.

Why Are You Afraid of Sex?

This could happen for many reasons including childhood abuse, parents who had issues around sex, an extremely religious upbringing, and many other reasons. And before anyone accuses us of religious bashing, we’re not talking about all religions or all religious followers, only the extreme, pathological cases.

The point here is that there are many reasons that someone could reach adulthood and literally be afraid of sex.

So what do you do when you are this person, and you’re in a wonderful relationship? Just imagine the self-doubt and worry that you would feel – wanting to please your partner but being completely unable to do so…

Here are a few suggestions on how to overcome these fears.

Educate Yourself on Your Body and Sexuality

Educate yourself about your body, sexuality, and the emotions around sex. Read books, go to seminars, look online – whatever you have to do to truly understand your body and sex.

This may seem unrelated, but I had an incredible fear of spiders, especially wolf spiders. They seemed to be everywhere. Until… One day I went to the Science Museum with my 7 year old daughter and they just happened to be doing a feature on spiders. I learned so much that day and with this new knowledge my fear of spiders was erased. I now politely help them back outside when they come in the house, rather than splattering them into oblivion.

Knowledge is power and with knowledge comes acceptance.

Where are these feelings of fear coming from? It’s absolutely crucial for you to find the origin of these feelings and deal with them. Whether it’s childhood abuse or being raised by parents who genuinely believe sex is evil, the most important thing you can do is understand where this fear is really coming from.

Only then can you deal with those emotions, accept yourself, be at peace, and move on with your life – free of this restraint.

See a Traditional Therapist

A good therapist working closely with you should be able to help you find the underlying source, or at least to get an idea where to look. When seeking a therapist, be aware of… any biases they may have. Every human being has biases, and it’s important to always understand the bias of someone you’re dealing with.

Consult a Clinical Hypnotherapist

Hypnotherapy is a little on the fringe and “out there” for many people, but it can definitely work wonders. It certainly has for us. What we really like about hypnotherapy, is that you can often find the root of a problem in just a few sessions, as opposed to visiting a traditional therapist for months on end.

Since hypnotherapy is not mainstream enough that you can go to a hospital and get treatment, be sure to see someone who’s had some verifiable training and is a certified clinical hypnotherapist. And no, you can’t be hypnotized into doing anything you wouldn’t be open to doing anyway, that’s just in the movies. What a hypnotherapist will do is help you achieve a very relaxed state so that you will be more comfortable dealing with some of your more deep seated issues. But if it makes you feel better, you can take a trusted friend or relative with you (as I did).

Certainly both therapist and hypnotherapists have their place and benefits, but our focus here is discovering the core underlying issue quickly. Then you can visit a traditional therapist to deal with your emotions as they come up over the long term.

Try some emotional clearing to find the source yourself.

It’s hard for us to find the root of our own faults because we shield ourselves from harm or pain. Our minds easily avoid the real reasons for our problems unless we make a truly focused effort, and even then it’s very hard to come up with anything useful – unless you seek help from an unbiased external source.

A really great book to read on this is “Feelings Buried Alive Never Die” by Carol Truman. It’s an easy read, but it should help you find and heal the real buried feelings and emotions behind the problems you’re experiencing.

Ultimately, your best bet if you really WANT to get this resolved is to go through all 3 of these approaches, and then really focus on the one that is working best for you.

Can you overcome your FEAR of sex before it’s too late and you lose your husband to another woman?

This is hard to say… It depends on your husband, or boyfriend, and the strength of your relationship. Remember, love is not sex and sex is not love. Don’t focus on what you might lose. It’s more important to focus on getting help for yourself first. Only then will you truly be able enjoy a sexual relationship with another person.

Related articles:

1. It’s OK to Trust: How You Can Overcome The Fear of Intimacy
2. What Causes Irrational Fear Of Sex? (Video)
3. How Can I Give My Girlfriend An Orgasm? (Video)
4. How To Be More Attractive & Less Needy By Releasing The Fear Of Being Alone Today
5. Female Orgasm and Oral Sex? What’s a Girlfriend to do? (Video)