Ask Dan and Jennifer » fear

How To Pick Up A Beautiful Woman: Eradicating Self-Limiting Beliefs

W. Wilcox — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 14:38:39 +0000

What dictates how successful a person can become in any given field? Is it chance, fortune, good luck? No.

Take an athlete for example, regardless of their chosen discipline, they must WORK at becoming the best. Even if they got lucky with their genes, have a good build or quick reactions, it is absolutely vital they learn, understand and PRACTICE whatever sport it is they want to master.

If they don’t, they will never be number one, or even anywhere close. The very same principle applies to attracting and seducing women, quite simply, the looks or assets you were or weren’t blessed with naturally mean nothing if you cannot master the psychological side of the game.

It’s NOT About Looks

For example, there’s a guy who looks like Brad Pitt’s better looking long-lost brother, his body, hair and dress-sense are all flawless. But, when he opens his mouth…nothing.

His attitude, personality and character fall completely flat and instantly put off every woman in the room. He’s gone from being a mysterious, handsome stranger, to an unexciting and tedious guy, who’s good for nothing except looking at and admiring, which gets very boring, very fast.

Now, the reverse. There’s a guy who doesn’t immediately stand out of the crowd because of what he looks or dresses like or because of the car he’s just rolled up in. Women are fairly neutral towards him, they neither feel attracted to him or turned off. Then, he talks and it’s like a fire has been lit, he’s fun, charming and great to be around. In short, massively attractive.

Being the Better Guy

If you want to be that first guy, I don’t know what to suggest, except perhaps painful, expensive surgery. But if you’d rather resemble the second man (as any sane guy would), you need to do something a little different. You need to eradicate self-limiting beliefs.

Self-limiting beliefs are the internal thoughts and feelings that hold you back and restrict your ability to succeed. They’re irrational and counter-productive thoughts that everyone has, but very few people try to get rid of, which is why so few men are truly successful with women. Here are a couple of examples of self-limiting beliefs:

1. “Nah, she’s too good-looking. She wouldn’t be interested in a guy like me.”

2. “Women can sense inexperience and won’t give a guy the time of day if they think he’s not sophisticated or experienced.”

3. “Girls only want sex with strings attached and would never consider sleeping with me unless I have money or a powerful job.”

4. “That girl’s way too popular. Just look at the guys who are already all over her. She’s rejecting them so would definitely say no to me.”

The Truth About Self-Limiting Beliefs

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How To Be More Attractive & Less Needy By Releasing The Fear Of Being Alone Today

Nick Arrizza MD — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 19:33:36 +0000

The fear of being alone inflicts on anyone who harbors it feelings of insecurity, anxiety, low self esteem and self worth, the tendency to depend and rely too readily on others and their opinions, feelings of emptiness and a needy disposition that makes them unattractive to others.

In other words it perpetuates the very thing that the person fears — being alone.

Yet many who are afflicted by this have no idea what to do about it other than to try and wrestle it to the ground and pretend to themselves and others that they are not afraid of being alone. Does this feel like a tenable strategy to you? Hardly!

There is another solution and I present it here in a powerful way that I feel will shift you and your experience permanently if you wish to undertake this pioneering journey into yourself.

The Motivation of Fear

Let’s start with the simple question:

What does this fear actually motivate you to do?

Well, it supposedly motivates one to find friends so that they will no longer feel alone.

So if they are no longer feeling alone what are they supposedly feeling instead?

Well, they would be feeling secure, comfortable, like they fit in, attractive to others, loved, good about themselves, happy, at peace and so on.

What the Fear of Being Alone Does

So in summary one could then say that:

The fear of being alone causes one to not feel secure, comfortable, like they fit in, loved, good about themselves, happy, at peace and so on. (I call this the Summary Statement)

Now if we look at what the fear of being alone actually does to you you’ll notice as stated above that it leads to feelings of insecurity, anxiety, low self esteem and self worth, the tendency to depend and rely to readily on others and their opinions, feelings of emptiness and a needy disposition that makes them unattractive to others.

In other words it perpetuates the very thing that the person fears i.e. being alone.

The Toxicity of the Fear Of Being Alone

This fear is clearly TOXIC, is it not?

If you see this place one hand over your heart and as if you are speaking from there simply affirm this to yourself and then notice how you feel.

Now does what this fear does to you concur with the Summary Statement above?

Hardly, because they are exact opposites!

The Truth About the Fear Of Being Alone

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Five Little Words That Strike Fear Into The Hearts Of Men (Video)

Melody Brooke — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 12:55:11 +0000

Everyone knows that guys get freaked out at the age old question, "How do you feel about our relationship?" Even statements along the lines of "We need to talk" usually send guys running for the hills.

Why is this? How can you talk to your man about your relationship without scaring him off? What is the right way to go about it so your relationship can stay positive?

"Honey, we need to talk [about our relationship]"…

Why Do Men Always Get Defensive When You Want To Talk?

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They’re scared they’ll get it wrong.

When women ask men questions, they’re always afraid of giving the wrong answer. It doesn’t even matter what the question is most of the time.

If the "right answer" isn’t clear from the get go, men tend to shy away from talking about the subject with you at all. Many times, this stems from women getting angry and frustrated when a man does happen to answer a question. If he happens to answer with the "wrong" answer, the woman will get angry and the entire situation will get blown out of proportion.

If this happens,especially if it happens numerous times, men only learn that when they answer questions, bad things happen!

More often than not, men would rather not give an answer at all and shy away from the discussion than risk giving the "wrong" answer and getting a lot of flack for it.

Creating A Positive Atmosphere

You can avoid this by simply staying calm if your man gets an answer "wrong." In essence, there really are no wrong answers. Discussing a relationship or other issues are actually just talking about how each person feels.

This isn’t wrong or right ,but what is said can upset the other person. By staying calm and collected even if your partner does something to upset you, you’ll keep your partner open to opening up.

Get angry and take it out on him, and he’ll close like a clam. Encourage him to open up by simply having a positive attitude about what he says. If something upsets you, tell him – in a nice way.

Asking the Dreaded Question.

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Happy Relationships: How To Replace Fear And Doubt With Gratitude, Love and Trust

Dr. Joe Rubino — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 17:02:07 +0000

As human beings, we operate daily reflecting a wide range of emotions with a multitude of motivations fueling our behaviors.

All too often, we react emotionally to what others say or do. If our reactions are preceded by the emotions of fear, anger, or sadness, we forfeit our ability to act with personal power and effectiveness in lieu of a knee-jerk response.

The emotional reaction

This reaction is all too often sourced in fear and low self-esteem. We may focus on what’s wrong with us and our lives, fear being controlled, hurt, or taken advantage of.

We may overlook the many things we have in our lives for which we should rightly be grateful, doubt our ability to thrive and access the abundance we see all around us in the world, reacting instead from the concern of scarcity and the expectation of failure, hurt, and disappointment.

We may see ourselves in competition for the world’s resources and the love and attention of others rather than realizing that there is more than enough of all that is good to go around. We forget that we manifest what we expect rather than needing to compete for limited resources.

Whenever we forget that we are magnificent beings and that there is plenty of wealth, happiness, fun, and fulfillment to go around, we might feel the need to protect ourselves from what we perceive to be a dangerous world. We likewise tend to forget that others operate from the same lacking self-confidence, scarcity of gratitude, and deficient self-love that we often do.

The result of not seeing ourselves as good enough

So, whenever two or more individuals see themselves as not good enough to tap into the world’s abundance and get all their needs met from a physical, social, mental, and emotional perspective, conflicts are likely to arise.

The result is broken relationships, strained communication, emotional pain, struggle, and suffering. All of these are needless and optional for those who realize their ability to detach from the struggle and master their emotional response.

When we stop to realize that everyone else suffers from the same self-doubt and fear of being dominated and cheated out of getting their fair share of love, fun, money, possessions, and security, we can break the vicious cycle of endless competition and continual striving for domination.

Breaking the cycle

We can realize that cooperation and communication is more effective in producing harmony than competition and a focus on self-interest based on fear.

We can intentionally choose to trust that others are doing the best they know how to do based upon how they see the world. We can assume that they act from good intentions, even when we fear the opposite.

Creating win-win relationships

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How To Ask A Shy Girl Out On A Date… (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 15:44:30 +0000

Nothing can be more intimidating than asking out a girl you’ve had a crush on or have known since forever. The thought of telling this amazing woman that you really like her and having her snub you sends shivers down the spine, especially if she’s shy.

It doesn’t matter how popular or confident you are, when it comes to that special girl it’s hard to find the right words. You don’t want to put her off, but what is the right thing to do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m a good looking, popular guy and have no trouble asking girls out – except for this one girl I’ve had a crush on since the eight grade… I walk away from a conversation with her thinking "What the heck did I just say" – I sound like a dumb jock! My Question: How do you ask out a shy girl, that you are desperately head over heals in love with? Ask her friends? Just walk up to her?

–YouTube)

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There is no right way

The honest answer is there is no right thing to do. No one knows what another person will say or do. What you can’t do though, is simply let your fear hold you back from taking the leap of faith and opening yourself up to her. Sure, she might say no, which is her discretion. It’s pretty much guaranteed though, that if you just stand back and do nothing you will regret it for the rest of your life.

To start, you shouldn’t just go up and lay it on her that you’ve been in love with her forever and you desperately want to be with her. That is a bit much to lay on someone and might even scare her a little bit. The most important thing is to just be honest with her. Start small, like asking her out on a date not as friends but as a couple. Try flirting more and don’t hide away from her by pretending you don’t like her.

You have to let her know you like her or you’ll be forever stuck in the friend zone, the terrible place where relationships never grow and nothing ever changes. You should have the courage to tell her directly because it’s going to mean a whole lot more if it comes straight from you.

You can make it happen

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How You Can Turn Hesitation and Fear Into Positive Dating Experiences

Matt Savage — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 12:34:15 +0000

You are sitting next to the phone, staring a small scrap of paper in your hand. There is the name of the beautiful woman you met last night and scrawled just below it are ten digits, her phone number.

You’re sweating. Your throat is tightening. Your heart beats faster and faster. You pick up the phone and begin dialing. This is it. It’s make or break time.

You finger grazes over the last number on the dial pad and suddenly, in a fit of nervousness, you hang up. A wave of guilt rushes through your head. You begin to rationalize your cowardice.

"Tomorrow…yea, I’ll wait to call tomorrow. She’s probably busy and it’s too soon to call anyways," you say to yourself.

Ten days later…

You are walking out the door and happen to glance at a small scrap of paper sitting on the top of your burrow. It’s sitting there collecting dust.

"I should have called her sooner," you think, "She probably won’t even remember who I am. Well, it’s too late now."

You let out a heavy sigh, pick up the scrap of paper and toss it in the trash can.

Procrastinating in your dating life?

Has this situation ever happened to you? Have you ever been in a moment where you procrastinated in your dating life? Have you ever lost the person of your dreams because you were too nervous to make a move? Unfortunately, this hesitation is all too common, particularly for those of us that are still new to the dating scene.

Despite what Hollywood has taught us, there is never going to be that perfect magical moment. You will never have that special love scene, where you swoop into each others arms and ride off into the sunset. Life isn’t like that and you shouldn’t wait for it.

Less than perfect dating experiences

The truth is that your dating experiences will be less than perfect. It’ll be scary. It’ll be clumsy. And it’ll be awkward. That’s the way it is and you can’t think that you can avoid these things. Better yet, you should learn to embrace them. Rather than running away, work with what you have in the moment.

So how do you avoid the hesitation and take matters into your own hands? Easy. You just keep pushing through the fear barrier and use whatever is at your disposal.

If all you have is a squeaky voice and a stomach full of butterflies, then go with it. Even if it means failure. Because if you don’t at least try, you’ll never know what would’ve happened.

You are not James Bond, with all kinds of fancy gadgets and perfect timing at your disposal. No, you are MacGyver. All you have is this little crappy Swiss Army knife and a roll of Duct tape. The clock is ticking and you either use the materials you have with you or you fail. That’s just the way it is, accept it and live it.

"Hi, this is MacGyver. We all know how these things work, so when you hear the beep, go for it." – MacGyver’s answering machine

To learn more about Matt Savage, visit www.TheModernSavage.com.

Are You STILL Afraid Of Being Naked?

Brad Howard — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 15:44:22 +0000

Sheer terror. You know the EXACT moment I’m talking about.

You’ve just gotten your new woman into bed, the lights are out (thank GOD!), and you’ve been pleasuring her to no end… touching… teasing… kissing… the place is ON FIRE.

You gently slide between her legs.

She gaps… and pulls you in closer… with her hands rubbing up and down your body… over your arms… over your back… and all of the sudden… out of nowhere… you UNCOMFORTABLY think to yourself:

“Oh shit, she just felt my fat roll”

“Oh shit, she thinks my arms are too skinny, I think she felt bone”

And at that single moment, a PRIMAL fear comes over you… “What if she… STOPS?!?”

Guys really don’t think they need to work out

I have to confess, in reality, no guy ever REALLY thinks that they need to work out, exercise, or get in better shape until a woman sees them naked. Sure, it seems like its a good idea… you know, for better health and all.

But you take a guy that’s standing naked for the FIRST time in front of a woman that he’s had his eye on… that he NEVER THOUGHT that he could land… and the phrase “sense of urgency” starts to take on new meaning.

When it hits

Do you think that this might play a little havoc on your inner game? You betcha it does.I’ve talked to your women.

What women say

And here’s what they’ve said.

Number 1: Most men that are ashamed of their bodies tend to be more TIMID in bed. They tend to lay on top of women, instead of pulling back… letting her see ALL OF YOU… including the “action” of your pecker moving in and out.

Number 2: Every man that they’ve been with that gets in better shape becomes a MUCH better lover overall. The “man” and his “skills” are the same… but her perception changes… as well as…

Number 3: Men that are in shape can DO MORE for LONGER than their out of shape counterparts. Lifting, moving, throwing, thrusting, etc… you get the drift.

Think about this for a second. Ask yourself this question. Is my woman thinking about ME when she masturbates? (she’s likely not)

And if she is…

HOW would those thoughts change if I was now built like a Greek God?

Food for thought…

Getting the proper proportions is simply a matter of applying the number one physical attraction metric for men… The Adonis Index. To find out how to use the Adonis Index to generate subconscious physical attraction, visit the Adonis Effect website.

Who Are You And What Have You Done With My Partner?

Melody Brooke — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 17:10:34 +0000

When I got married I was such a happy person. My husband was gentle, kind, giving, and such a great dad. It came as a complete shock to me the first time he got angry with me.

You see, I am an anger phobic from way back. I will never forget cringing as my grandmother screamed at my mentally retarded uncle. She would go on tirades that filled the house with angry blasts of her voice (this was no small task as the house was a 3 story boarding house). I was never comfortable with anger (especially not my own!) and I would do just about anything to avoid it. Additionally, when anyone was angry I had huge judgments regarding them. Anger, in my opinion meant ugliness, abusiveness and there just wasn’t any excuse for it.

So marrying someone human enough to get angry startled me. I didn’t understand where my loving, gentle husband had disappeared to and who was this person in my bedroom anyway? After all, I didn’t see that I could possible have done anything to have brought on his wrath. I never did anything to deliberately hurt anyone, especially him, my most beloved. The anger that I felt as a response separated us. I felt totally disconnected from him. I couldn’t understand where he got off being so angry with me for nothing I could comprehend. Who was this angry monster and why did he seem to hate me?

That’s how it felt to me. If someone was that angry with you they had to hate you, right? Consciously I knew that was wrong, but it definitely felt that way. The little kid inside cringed at every angry word he spoke.

I was fearful of his getting angry so I started editing what I told him. In other words, controlling him by not giving him all the information. That always backfired of course, because eventually he would discover what I had not told him and it would make him even angrier.

I don’t recall how long it took for me to realize that underneath the raging exterior of my formerly loving partner was a lot of fear and hurt. What’s more, what he was angry about was never really about what I thought it was about, it wasn’t really about what I had said or done, it was about something far bigger, and older.

His anger was what I call a “Self-Protective” stance that he took to manage his hurt and fear. Often when someone is hurt they will become larger than life. They will raise their voice, puff up their physical self to maximum capacity and try to look as threatening as possible in an effort to appear more powerful than they feel (Imagine a puffer fish here). They appear large and loud and scary so that you will be intimidated into stopping whatever it is you are doing that is hurting or scaring them. Underneath there is a kind of desperation and terror. But that is not what they show; they show an overpowering, larger than life toughness to attempt to force change.

The person that had been so frightening to me was in fact scared and hurt. Now, for some of you that might not be new information, but for me it was a huge newsflash. Knowing this changed everything. It empowered me to respond differently than I ever had to an angry person.

Instead of responding as a helpless victim…