5 MORE Tips For When You’re Feeling Lonely

Many of us find ourselves alone, and lonely, for a reason – and often, for a GOOD reason! Most of us need to take time in our lives to seek out why we act the way we do, and to get to truly know ourSELVES! But that doesn’t make being alone or lonely any easier.

So, while you’re on your path to self-discovery, here are a few things you can do RIGHT NOW, to help yourself through whatever it is you might be going through!

• Talk. I must say I had a list of folks who would talk with me in the wee hours of the morning if I needed to be “talked down”… if you know what I mean. Not men, but friends that cared about me, knew my history and were devoted to my heath and well-being. Honestly, I have never been a big phone talker, but when I got lonely sometimes it would take the edge off-just hearing someone’s voice was comforting enough to get me to the next place!
• Play. Anyone who knows me knows that this has traditionally been a hard one for me. It conjured images of silly people running about doing things I would never do. That said, I needed to find my version of what healthy fun was. Things that had positive consequences. I started dancing the Five Rhythms, took salsa lessons, ice skated with my son, played cards and ping pong with friends, trained for the Avon Walk (okay, for me training is fun), painted with watercolors, took classes at City College, went to open-air markets. There are a ton of things to do and a million online resources in your area for what I call “clean living,” fun things to do.
• Get a pet. I love cats, have two (Chloe and Leila), a dog named Bella and a fish; the current one’s name is Donald. (My niece and nephew named the last three Sparkles One, Two and Three.) I cannot tell you how many times my cats have come and cradled me in the midst of some of some of my most intense loneliness. And I let them. I was learning how to comfort myself when I had only known how to reach to someone else before (most of the time not the best someone, either). And yes, they respect me in the morning, all of them, every time-and best of all, so do I!!!
• Laugh. I have always been the type of person who said, “If I am not capable of mustering a laugh, I know something is really wrong!” and then I revert to the above items. Because I genuinely, regularly love to indulge in gigantic belly laughter. I love to laugh at myself and when I am not busy laughing at myself, I seek out opportunities to find the humor in just about everything. I am easily entertained. (My mother once said that if you are bored you are boring.) Comedians on DVD are fab and I recommend getting a library of them-my current fave is Orny Adamas, he’s available on line. OR a great alternative is funny movies, and my list is long. If you don’t have a library already, it is inexpensive to build, and way less expensive than a one-night stand or bad relationship choice.
• Pray. Oh yes, never underestimate the power of prayer. I have said prayers over and over, hoping someone or something out there would hear me, and then one day it happened. I found my Divine connection to…well, The Divine, of course, and have never looked back. It was like coming home, and now I find great comfort in prayer and meditation, as corny or simplistic as this sounds. I know, I know, you are desperately lonely- then I say to you, pray like it!!

I’m not simply talking about activities that take up time, but rather, things that will help you discover who YOU are, and put you on a path to where you want to be!

Related articles:

1. 5 Things To Do When You’re Lonely But Not Ready For A Relationship – Part 1
2. Five Tips for Creating Soulful Intimacy In Your Relationship
3. Thinking Of Tying The Knot? 5 Tips To Make Sure You Stay Together
4. Online Dating – 10 Tips for Effective Communication

I once knew a woman who gave a guy she was seeing – someone she hadn’t known long and knew to be a criminal – all of her life savings. Then, he fell off the face of the earth. When she began to try to figure out where he ways, she learned that he had died in an automobile accident. Not only that – he had left behind a young widow and three small children. Yikes!

It’s Normal To Feel Lonely

For some of us, being internally referenced or taking responsibility for all you experience is a foreign concept. I know it was for me. I, like so many of us, believed that my circumstances were designed or slated by some dark fate, bad luck or perhaps my difficult childhood.

While you’re busy trying to sort out who really did what, whose responsibility your life actually is, and healing your heart, I offer you some “here and now” antidotes to feeling desperately lonely. (So you don’t go and find another relationship just like the last one, or just like our friend’s.)

5 Things To Do When You Feel Desperately Lonely

1. Feel. I say we gotta feel it to heal it. And if we don’t know what we feel, we don’t know what we need. And I discovered something – if I was gentle, waited and sat with myself long enough, I would begin to feel and heal. I spent many nights (and days) just letting the floodgates loose and seeing what was underneath all my anxiety.
2. Move. Release what’s inside. Let it out. Oh my, can I just tell you that moving saved my life?! Sometimes I had so much energy, so many feelings welled up in me, that I stood in my kitchen barefoot on the hardwood floor and gyrated around spastically flailing my fists at God and everyone, like James Brown on crack. I screamed and cried and danced and collapsed until I was empty.
3. Read. Yes, it is not easy to quiet that restless mind, so pick books that are inspirational and that will engage you every time. I always had a stack of self-help books and autobiographies nearby, and still do.
4. Write. One of my single girlfriends told me she writes herself love letters. One every night, and they get longer and longer. Then when she wakes up she reads them to herself. Whatever you have pinging around up there, put it on paper. Doesn’t matter how you do it. Journal, write letters to God (he/she will answer back). Who knows, maybe you’ve got the next NY Times bestseller in there!! I wrote copious amounts of dark, intensely feeling poetry in words from the 13^th century, channeling my “DNA gone bad” from the past. It was so great to get it out of my body!
5. Collage. I love to collage, as I am very visual. Pulling pictures out of new magazines (great way to recycle) of people, places, and things that made me feel happy or inspired always worked for me. Sometimes I was surprised at what I learned about myself, what I really liked or longed for.

I’m not simply talking about activities that take up time, but rather, things that will help you discover who YOU are, and put you on a path to where you want to be!

Related articles:

1. 5 MORE Tips For When You’re Alone And Lonely – Part 2
2. Are You Ready For Sex? (You Don’t Have To Be A Virgin To Answer This Question)
3. 3 Ways to Make Your Long Distance Relationship Work
4. Is There Such Thing As TOO MUCH Self-Help?
5. How to Use Modern Technology to Add Old-Fashioned Romance to Your Relationship