What She Said:

I think this might be more fantasy then fetish.

Whether its BDSM, high heels or having your eyeballs licked, everyone has a sexual trigger, a turn on, a mild or full-blown fetish.  This day and age with so many easy access to porn online and “personal” massagers that you can pick up at the grocery store, it seems that everyone has an easy outlet for their turn on.

With so many odd fetishes it makes me wonder if regular vanilla sex is now the odd sex act. When you are in a sexual relationship, you want to do any thing and everything to please your partner. But, how do you handle them having this interest that you are not in to?  Maybe your guy is into a 3 some with Asians.  That idea is a turn off to you.

But before you worry about him jumping on a plane to Thailand, there are options. You could watch some Asian porn with him. Or why not dress up like a geisha. What if your man is into hardcore SM?  And your idea of a hot night does not include you dressed in leather wielding a horse whip.

As a compromise, you could wear big black boots and spank him a little. Basically every fetish has its oddities.  But in a relationship the best gift we can give our partner sexually is to offer them a safe place to share their fantasies with you.  A safe place to experiment and a place where there is no judgment.

No matter how kinky you find it to be, if you are open and honest with him about his desires, he in turn will be open to yours.  One night you smack him around a bit, and the next he might give it to you good ol missionary style.

What He Said

Be Proud Of Your Fetishes And Fantasies

I really think that thanks to the internet, vanilla sex is the new kinky sex. It’s like “Really? You just want to pound me missionary style? And a little oral sex? Well, you did buy me dinner and a movie. But that’s way too crazy for me! Can’t you just do something normal like punch me in the vagina repeatedly while humming the Star Spangled Banner and making tacos?” 
No?

That’s never happened to you, well, if it hasn’t you’re just not doing it right. It’s your duty to please that booty, so you should at least try to do what your partner is into. Don’t want to? Well, I’ve got news for you sparky.

You might not want to try oral sex or anal sex, but I guarantee your partner doesn’t want to do half the things they do just so they can get in your pants. That’s what love is: doing things you’d rather take a cheese grater to the genitals than do just to get laid. I mean for the one you love.

I think a lot of people are irrationally afraid of coming out to their partners about their fetishes, or fantasies whatever they may be. It doesn’t matter how weird or depraved or sick your sexual fantasy is. Someone wants to do it with you.

If that’s what your into, then be out and proud about it. If your partner isn’t into it, and you can’t come to some kind of understanding on the subject, then that’s a deal breaker. Get rid of them. It may suck, but finding your type of sex is an important key to happiness. I think Buddha said that. Or Oprah. Same thing.

They say life is too short to be unhappy. That’s not true. Life is too long when you’re unhappy. It goes by slow. Like slower than being suck on a Stairmaster next to someone having a conversation on their cell phone while reading a book on their iPad all while “exercising.”

Life is only short if you’re having fun. It’s the times that people enjoy that go fast. The things that suck (and not in a fun way) go by very, very slowly, and will eat you from the inside and literally kill you with boredom, worry, stress and all other manners of boring shit.

That doesn’t mean you have to get rid of your current lover. Just talk to them and be honest about who and what you are and what you are into sexually. You’ll both be glad you did.

This is very common in the BDSM scene and it shouldn’t be hard to tell your girlfriend about it if she is open minded. Every relationship has conflict, but your partner should be open to your sexual desires and making you happy. Here is how you should introduce your fetish to your girlfriend.

Tell Her About It

Before you can introduce this to your girlfriend you will need to tell your partner about it. Chances are that if you have a smoking fetish you are probably already having pretty hot sex. If you are already using bondage or S&M in your sex life with your girlfriend then this will probably not bother your partner all that much.

There is a chance that she is not turned on by smoke so it’s important to consider if this fetish is a deal breaker for the relationship. Sit your girlfriend down and talk to her about it. Tell her why it turns you on and ask  if she would be willing to try it out with you. If she is open minded, she will probably want to make you happy.

What If She Doesn’t Smoke?

If she doesn’t smoke there is a major issue. Asking your partner to take up a habit that could potentially be addicting and lead to cancer is not fair. Smoking a cigarette every once in awhile is not going to kill your girlfriend, but it could lead to regular use. It is never recommended to ask a partner to start a dangerous habit for your sexual desire.

There is a code in the BDSM scene called SSC (safe, sane and consensual). Smoking goes against the safe notion of this code so it’s important to realize that she probably will not go for it if she is not a smoker. If you are dating a smoker then she is going to be more opened minded about your fetish.

Establish The Ground Rules

Ground rules are essential for a smoking fetish. There are several varieties of a smoking fetish that are common in the scene, so it’s vital that you have some rules in place. For instance, many people who have a smoking fetish with BDSM like to use their partner as an ashtray.

While others don’t take it this far, some people even like to flick the ash onto their partner’s face. If you are going to be doing this then you need consent from your partner. The majority of guys get off on having a girl smoke while having sex or while giving a blowjob.

Talk to your partner about what she is willing to do and what is not willing to do. If you want to smoke while you are having sex with her, you need to make sure that she is going to be comfortable with this.

Be Safe

The problem with a smoking fetish is the chance that it could slip out of your hand or her hand. Make sure that you are being safe throughout the experience. There is always a chance that she could slip and burn you in a not so hardy area so be aware of this before you implement it into your sex life.

Have ashtrays and cups of water around the room. Open a window and use a fan if possible to get as much smoke out of the room. If you are smoking in a room that is carpeted you run the risk of the smell lingering.

Opening a window and using a fan can cut down on this immensely. Smoking involves fire and the heat of the moment could lead to drapes, carpeting or bed sheets getting burned.

Understand Breath Issues

Breath issues are always a concern with sex, but they are even more important with this fetish. Most guys are drawn to a woman inhaling and blowing out smoke instead of the smell on her breath.

Keep different forms of breath mints around the room for controlling cigarette breath. Listerine strips work the best because they dissolve instantly and kill bacteria in the mouth. This is will not get in the way as much as having to chew gum or suck on a mint.