Ask Dan and Jennifer » fetish

Sick Or Sexy – When He’s Daddy In The Bedroom (Video)

Paul Carlson — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 14:42:27 +0000

Everyone has their own kinks and fantasies that they like to play out in the bedroom. Whether it’s simple, missionary on top sex, or really kinky BDSM, everyone has something they like and enjoy doing when it comes to their own sexual satisfaction. Many people enjoy talking dirty, or roleplaying in the bedroom, but is there ever a point where this can go too far?

What happens when we start carry those term of endearment into the bedroom? Watch this video to find out if it’s normal to call each other ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy,’ even when the kids aren’t around.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Using “Mommy” And “Daddy” To Refer To Your Partner

Lots of parents call each other “Mommy” or “Daddy” in front of the kids, and sometimes when they’re alone just out of habit. This is a completely normal part of parental life, especially if you’re teaching very little ones what to call your partner. If you refer to your partner as “Jeff” all the time, but ask your little one to call him “Daddy,” she might get confused. It can definitely help teach little ones if you and your partner call each other “Mommy” and “Daddy” too. But is there ever a point where these terms of endearment aren’t normal?

Using “Mommy” And “Daddy” In The Bedroom

It may be out of habit, or it may be a bit of fun roleplaying, but sometimes the terms “Mommy” and “Daddy” get carried away in the bedroom. Some people even like to roleplay with those terms, with “Mommy” punishing her bad boy, or her partner asking, “Who’s your Daddy?” This may seem strange, or even sick, but it’s just part of roleplaying. If both partners are into it, and both partners are comfortable and emotionally mature enough to realize that it is just a roleplaying game, there’s certainly nothing wrong with it, just as there is nothing wrong with playing “teacher” in the bedroom, or “french maid.” As long as everyone involved is having fun and isn’t getting hurt, there’s no reason to think there’s something “wrong” with you. If someone becomes uncomfortable, find a new game to play. It’s as simple as that.

When It Crosses The Line

There is a point where being “Mommy” in the bedroom (or being “Daddy” for that matter) can cross the line. If you’re playing “Mommy” and your partner is thinking of his own mother, there are some psychological issues there that probably need to be addressed. Although, your partner is the only one that will ever know that, so it’s up to him to seek help if he finds that he’s having these kids of issues. Also, if being “Daddy” in the bedroom leads a man into psychological or physical abuse of his own children because he’s so into it, that is definitely a call for professional help. Other than that, it’s very hard for two, emotionally mature, consenting adults to make roleplaying “Mommy” and “Daddy” in the bedroom go too far. So what do you think? Is it sick or sexy?

Is My Kinkiness Beyond All Others? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 17:00:22 +0000

Everyone has specific things they enjoy during sex, from the tame to the seemingly strange. While most people seem to fall into the so-called “normal” sex category, that is quite the opposite of the truth. Most people are actually at least a little kinky, in a number of different ways. How do you know that your kinkiness isn’t beyond all others?

I enjoy wearing a leash, collar, bit and saddle sometimes, and I sometimes enjoy being groomed. Does this qualify as a BDSM fetish? What makes people enjoy the different things they do?

–Tom, IN

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A Basis Of Comparison

First of all, trying to find out if your kinkiness is considered “abnormal,” or if it’s beyond all others, you’re really fighting a losing battle. What is considered “normal” in this society? It’s all about perception, which can easily be distorted by religion, culture and even television or movies. In reality, various fetishes are common, even though people don’t always share them with others. Most people actually think that their fetish or kink is “normal” and everyone else is “abnormal,” regardless of how strange their own kink would seem to someone else. That is the true crux of the matter – why let what other people do or don’t do or what other people think or don’t think dictate what you like to do in your own bedroom?

A Colorful Variety Of Fetishes

There are probably more fetishes out there than you could even imagine. Shoe fetishes and BDSM are commonly talked about, but what about crossdressing? Asian women and men? Smoking after sex? Roleplaying? The Princess Leia slave costume fetish? Believe it or not, everyone has a little kink in them somewhere. Fetishes can arise from anything in our lives, even something stemming from childhood. Did you really like the princesses in the cartoon fairy tales? Perhaps you enjoy dressing up as them now during sex and imagining what that would have been like in the movies. Perhaps your mother enjoyed getting her nails done at a salon and now you enjoy having sex with women who have extraordinarily long, false fingernails that they use during sex. There’s no limit to what someone can like during sex!

When Does It Cross The Line?

Fetishes and kinks may seem like an intensely gray area with no real boundaries, but it’s actually quite easy to find out if your fetish crosses the line. Does it severely hurt other people? Does it involve people or animals who don’t give their consent? Does it involve anyone who is not a legal adult? If you answered “yes” to any of those questions, it’s definitely time to seek professional help. If you answered “no” to all of those questions, you still might consider talking to an unbiased counselor if you find that your fetish is taking over your life, preventing you from having healthy relationships and living a normal life. If having your fetish involves only legal, consenting adults and no one is getting seriously hurt, and it is allowing you to live a full and healthy lifestyle both in and out of the bedroom, embrace your uniqueness and enjoy your fetish!

Cuckold Fantasy: My Wife With Another Man – Why Do I Like It? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 01:00:28 +0000

Everyone has a secret sex fantasy – what’s yours? Maybe you have a shoe fetish, or perhaps you enjoy BDSM or biting. What is considered outside the norm for you? What if you like watching your wife get banged by another man and really enjoy it? Is this considered abnormal? Should you stop indulging in your fantasy? Here’s what you want to know about 2 guy, 1 girl threesomes and more.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Cuckold question: I like watching my wife get banged by a well endowed man. I love watching her climax in ways she doesn’t with me. Is this TOO weird?

–John, IN

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Who Gets To Determine What Is Normal?

First of all, what is considered “normal” in this society? There are so many varieties of people with different cultures and different backgrounds who all do things a little bit differently that it’s practically impossible for anyone to determine a baseline of what is considered “normal” or “abnormal.” With that said, people might think your fantasy is weird if you share it with them, but what about those guys who like wearing women’s underwear – do you think that’s weird? Everyone’s own fantasy or fetish isn’t considered strange to them, but other people’s fantasies are labeled “weird” or “abnormal.” It’s all subjective, so worry less about what is “normal” and what isn’t and focus more on how to get what you and your partner both want in a sexually healthy relationship.

Confidence In Your Sexuality And Masculinity

If you enjoy watching your wife have sex with another man and are genuinely cool with it, you deserve some kudos! While involving other women with their wife in a 2-girl, 1 guy threesome is a typical man’s fantasy, the tables often get turned when a woman suggests bringing another man into the equation. Most men are too self conscious, too jealous and too insecure with themselves to really enjoy watching their partner be with another person sexually. If you’re not bothered by watching your wife become sexually intimate with another man and truly enjoy watching her be pleasured in this way, it speaks volumes about your confidence in yourself and your masculinity.

Have Fun!

The best way to judge if your sexual fantasy or fetish is “crossing” the line is to ask yourself the basic question – does it involve only consenting adults? Is everyone comfortable with what is going on? If so, have fun! As long as you and everyone involved can legally consent to sexual activity and no one is being harmed or doing something they’re uncomfortable doing, there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying your sexual fetish or fantasy. Make sure your relationship with your partner stays strong and healthy, and communicate with them regularly about what you like, what she likes and what the third person likes during sex. If any hard feelings come up, talk to your partner about them. If you have any suggestions about what would turn you on more, or if your partner has any suggestions about what would turn them on more, it’s important to keep an open line of communication going when it comes to your sex life. The biggest reason that threesome fantasies crumble is that partners have a breakdown in communication – enjoy yourself and talk to your partner often for a healthy and happy sex life!

How Do I Introduce BDSM To My Boyfriend? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 01:26:22 +0000

Everyone has their fantasy or fetish, and everyone likes different things. It’s part of what makes us such a sexually diverse culture! Many people are into BDSM, or bondage, whether it’s soft BDSM or really getting into dominant and submissive roles. If you like BDSM, how can you introduce it to your partner without getting rejected and possibly even involving them in your fetishes and fantasies?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m very comfortable with my sexuality and a little on the BDSM side… I’ve been this way for years. My fiance and I have done a few things, but I want to try even more – costumes, props, etc. I don’t think he knows how dark my sexual side can be. How can I bring it up to him without scaring him?

–Desiree, MO

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Let Your Partner Go First

Ask your partner what turns them on. This is not the time for a “sit down” talk, rather, you want to ask him in a very nonchalant sort of way. Bring it up if you’re watching a romantic movie with a hot sex scene, or even if you’re watching pornography together. If you’re visiting the mall, pop into the lingerie store or even the novelty stores that carry some sex toys. Asking your partner what turns them on opens them up to their own fantasies and gets their minds going.

Introduce Yourself Slowly

Don’t break into your fetish by surprising your partner with a leash and collar while wearing a full black leather outfit. You might scare them off! Try incorporating light BDSM into your foreplay and sexual routine, such as using a feather duster or even a light whip. Try purchasing some racier lingerie, or sexy shoes that reflect what turns you on. You can even suggest roleplaying light BDSM roles, such as light submission or light dominance. You might find that your partner really likes this type of sex play and begins to get more into it! If this happens, just ease into your fetish or fantasy slowly, until you’re really sharing with your partner what you like and what turns you on.

Try A Fantasy Box

A “Fantasy Box” is something you and your partner can try if you’re really shy about sharing your fantasies with your partner or your partner is really shy about sharing their fantasies with you. Write down your fantasies on a scrap piece of paper and put it in the box. Have your partner do the same. Make a “rule” that once a week, a fantasy is pulled out of the box and is enacted. If some fantasies require planning, give you and your partner enough time to purchase costumes, etc. This can even be something fun that you do together that can bring you and your partner closer! Decorate the fantasy box with things you both find sexy to make it even more fun.

No matter what, your sex life should be enjoyable and fulfilled, no matter what fetish or fantasy you like. You might be surprised – your fetish or fantasy probably isn’t as uncommon as you think it is! If your partner is freaked out by your fetish, whether it’s BDSM or something else, and you can’t work past it, consider that they might not be the partner for you. Remember – there’s someone out there for everyone!

Is Cross Dressing A Turn Off To Women? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 22:00:37 +0000

Cross dressing isn’t something that’s a totally foreign concept to women, but not many of them have dated a guy that likes to cross dress. Does that mean cross dressing is a turn off to women, or do some women enjoy cross dressing? Or do still other women just not mind it? Here’s what you want to know about how women feel about cross dressing dudes.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have a fetish for cross dressing. I like dressing up in sexy lingerie, but I don’t go out in public or anything. Are the any women out there who are open enough to consider this a normal part of a healthy sex life? I also like the idea of dressing up as a French maid and submitting myself to the lady of the manner….

–Jonathan, FL

Click here to view the embedded video.

Some Like It, Some Don’t

Many women aren’t going to be turned on by men who enjoy cross dressing – it’s just fact. While some women don’t mind it, some are going to be turned off by it. That doesn’t mean you have to give up what you enjoy though! There are women who enjoy cross dressing themselves, and who enjoy being with men who like to cross dress. There’s someone for everyone, no matter what your fetish or fantasy is. You just have to find them!

Where To Look

Okay, so popping over to the bookstore might help you meet a nice girl, it’s not likely to be the best place to meet someone who either won’t mind your cross dressing or someone who might even share your fetish with you. There are, however, lots of good places online to meet people who share your interests or similar interests to yours! Browse through online dating websites or online fetish websites where you can specify your interest in cross dressing before you even meet someone. It’s refreshing to know right off the bat that someone who shows interest in you through these websites know that you enjoy cross dressing and either like it or don’t have a problem with it.

How To Tell Someone Who Doesn’t Know

What if you’re already involved with someone or are dating someone who doesn’t know that you like to cross dress but you would like to share this fetish with them? This can be a tricky situation, but it’s definitely not an impossible one. Don’t have a “sit down” talk with them. This can be uncomfortable and will put your partner on the spot, and it can be especially awkward if they don’t react to your cross dressing in the way you expected. Try introducing it slowly. Buy a silky robe and see if your partner likes the feel of it on you. Try wearing her panties to bed and see what she thinks – if she doesn’t like it, you can always play it off as having fun. If she does, visit a lingerie shop with her, and pick out fun, sexy lingerie for both of you. Sharing your cross dressing with her slowly can help warm her up to the idea, and then you can begin to share your fantasies with her!

No matter what your fetish or fantasy is, it’s important to have someone you can share it with. Don’t judge other people and don’t let them judge you – to each his own and there’s always someone out there for everybody!

Shoe Fetish – How Can I Find A Partner To Enjoy It With Me? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 13:15:28 +0000

Many people have fetishes, whatever they may be. Some of the most common fetishes, however, are bondage and shoe fetishes. If you have a shoe fetish or another type of fetish, it might seem daunting to try to find a partner to enjoy your fetish with, but with a little searching, you can definitely find someone who likes shoes – or anything else – as much as you do.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I love shoes — I mean, I really love shoes. Some people might say I have a sexual fetish with them. How can I find someone that loves shoes as much as I do?

–Richard, New York

Click here to view the embedded video.

Finding A Partner That Shares Your Fetish

While it may not be particularly easy to find a partner that you enjoy sharing your fetish with, it’s definitely not impossible. There are several ways to meet someone that likes what you like!

While you can search your local newspaper ads or even just visit places that people that share your fetish would visit – such as shoe stores – one of the easiest and most versatile ways to find someone that you can enjoy your fetish with is online.

There are a number of websites you can visit, or you can simply do a search to find websites that cater to your particular type of fetish. Browse around a few of them and you might be surprised – through forums, message boards or straight up personals, you can find someone that enjoys your fetish as much as you do!

You can also try searching through traditional websites, such as Craigslist or other similar websites for personal ads – or try putting up your own personal ad! You might not meet someone to enjoy your fetish with you right away, but with time and persistence, it’s possible that you’ll meet a partner that you really enjoy spending time with in and outside of your fetish.

Introducing Your Fetish

If you meet someone to share your fetish with online, especially if it’s through a fetish website, breaking the ice about your fetish isn’t difficult at all – in fact, it’s what brought you together!

However, you may find someone you’re interested in that you’ve met outside of your fetish. Breaking the ice about your fetish should be done slowly and carefully – you wouldn’t want to scare your partner away!

If you have a shoe fetish, you could start by going shoe shopping with your partner and trying on shoes together. Let them know what you think looks good! If you have a bondage fetish, try introducing a pair of fuzzy handcuffs or a tie in the bedroom.

By working your way up, you can make sure that you don’t scare your partner away from your fetish (or you) and you can help your partner to learn to enjoy your fetish as much as you do!

If you have a fetish, no matter how strange or unusual it is, it’s nice to be able to share that with someone you enjoy spending time with. As long as you’re not harming anyone and everyone involved is a consenting adult, let yourself have fun and open up to others who enjoy your fetish as well!

You might find that you meet someone truly special that you share a connection with both in and out of your particular fetish!

Is My Foot Fetish Weird? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 22:05:04 +0000

Many people have fetishes. In fact, most people do. Many men have breast or butt fetishes, although those aren’t considered weird because most guys like breasts and butts.

Other fetishes, such as foot fetishes or back fetishes may be considered strange because the majority of people don’t have these types of fetishes.

Does that mean you’re not normal? How do you tell your partner about the fetish you enjoy?

Is my foot fetish really weird?

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You’re not hurting anyone, are you?

You’d be surprised at how many men do actually have foot fetishes. While it’s not the majority by any means, if you have a foot fetish, you’re certainly not alone! Foot fetishes aren’t wrong, bad or weird at all, although some people are going to think they are because your fetish is different from theirs.

That’s okay. People are entitled to their own feelings but they’re also entitled to their own fetishes. It’s a live and let live sort of situation. If your fetish isn’t hurting anyone, namely yourself or your partner, it’s perfectly fine.

There are really only a few simple guidelines to tell if your fetish is something that you should be concerned about. You don’t want to hurt anyone, you don’t want it to be illegal and it should always be between two consenting adults. If you’ve covered all your bases, your fetish is probably fine. If you’re really that worried, see a sex therapist. Otherwise, enjoy your fetish!

Getting your partner to participate.

This is where it can be tricky. If you come right out and tell your partner that you have a foot fetish or other type of fetish, it can turn them off immediately.

That’s not necessarily because they won’t enjoy it, it’s just that society has programmed our brains to register immediately what society accepts as normal and what it doesn’t. These things have been drilled in since childhood, and it can be very difficult for some people to get past them.

Don’t give up.

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Are My Sexual Fetishes And Kinky Fantasies Bad? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 13:46:16 +0000

Almost everyone has a sexual fetish or fantasy of some kind, but many people don’t like to admit it.

Society has put sort of a damper on being open and honest about what turns us on sexually, however, most of it is healthy and even natural.

Most fetishes and fantasies aside though, some of them can be dangerous or harmful. How do you know if what turns you on goes too far?

Are sexual fetishes bad?

Are fantasies healthy?

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Healthy Fetishes and Fantasies

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Sexual Fetishes – Is My Smoking Fetish Weird? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 14:00:08 +0000

Everyone has different turn-ons, ranging from turn-ons that seem relatively mild to turn-ons that seem to be completely out there and fetishistic.

How do you know if what turns you on is normal or not? Should you continue to do what turns you on, even if other people think it’s weird?

Many people have these same questions and are wondering what to do about their turn ons. What should you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m a 59 year old male and I have always found the sight of a woman smoking a cigarette to be very arousing. I am fortunate that my wife (an inveterate smoker) understands this and uses it to excite me but (the question is from both of us) is this weird?

Have you heard of it before?

-Marty, Pennsylvania

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Are your turn-ons normal?

Let’s take a look at normal for a moment…

What’s Your Safe Word? How to Get Off Without Getting Hurt

The Beautiful Kind — Fri, 30 May 2008 15:09:38 +0000

You’ve seen the stories in the news – a woman dies during a sex play session with her husband.

The articles are vague, but they usually mention the word “kinky,” a kitchen appliance malfunctioning, and the husband being held for questioning. You don’t want this to happen to you.

BDSM is fun and exciting, but you have to invest time in making it a positive experience for everyone involved.

Negotiating scenes, checking play equipment, and doing a little preparation ahead of time will keep things safe and sane. Here’s a little checklist of things to consider when veering from vanilla sex.

Addressing the Physical Side of BDSM

Be present. Don’t be drunk or otherwise out of it.

Never put anything around someone’s neck. OK, maybe a dog collar, but not ropes or bungee cords.

Don’t leave a restrained person alone. You don’t want your sex life to turn into a Stephen King novel.

If you’re playing with rope, have EMT scissors on hand in case you need to break out of something quickly.

Have water nearby to keep your honey hydrated and comfortable as you torment and tease.

Don’t lose your handcuff key!

When “no” doesn’t mean “no”: Part of your play might involve you pretending to resist, and your partner needs to know when you really need a time out. Have a safeword that is two syllables or less you can call out if things get too intense. (Mine is “bluebird,” as in, “the bluebird of happiness.”) It’s also a good idea to have a safetune to hum if the mouth is stuffed with something like a ball gag and you need a break.

Use safe props like cold water and ice cubes as punishment. It stings in the moment, but doesn’t cause lasting damage.

Addressing the Emotional Side of BDSM

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Is It Normal For a Virgin to Be Into BDSM? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 16 May 2008 13:43:17 +0000

As a virgin, it’s normal to find yourself turned on and sexually excited by many things, even if you’ve never actually had sexual intercourse.

What turns you on is going to be different from what turns someone else on, and it’s important to embrace diversity and celebrate your uniqueness!

Is there ever a point where something that turns you on would not be considered normal, especially if you’re a virgin?

Well, yes and no. It’s a complicated situation that needs a hard, honest look.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I found your website on YouTube. I think I am into BDSM or there may be something wrong with me. I believe I am more Sadistic than Masochistic though and I am still a virgin as is my boyfriend. He likes to be clawed and chained (yet to let me do that though) and when I scream in pain because I got hurt or something he gets a little excited. I have clawed him so bad I took chunks of skin out of his hips and when he screamed in pain I laughed at him.

The idea of burning, whipping, tying down, flogging, wrist/handcuffing, caging, and torturing him sounds fun. Is there something wrong with me?

Is it possible for a virgin to be into BDSM like this?

- Barbara, Missouri

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Virgin Into BDSM

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Tools of the Trade… Your BDSM Shopping List

The Beautiful Kind — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:00:51 +0000

So are you ready to get your kink on?

What will you need? Where are you going to get it? How crazy do you want to be?

This article will offer an interesting twist on classic BDSM items, as well as introduce you to a few new possibilities.

Hint: I’ve found a new use for four AA batteries, and the results have been spine-tingling.

Bondage in Aisle 5 – Hardware Stores Seen in a Whole New Light

It’s so funny – now that I’m into BDSM, the most innocent places spark sexually interesting ideas. We’re talking hardware stores, garden stores, pet stores… I used to have to be dragged into these places for sink parts and dog food, and now I like ducking into the rope aisle to see what colors or textures they have in stock.

I’ll whiz past the rawhide chews to see what kind of dog collars will fit a human-size neck. (“Does this come with a matching leash?”) Garden shops have hemp rope for binding trees – now come on, trees aren’t going anywhere, let’s put that rope to better use!

The Shopping List

In addition to your hands and mouth, here are some suggestions for your BDSM bag of tricks, one for every day of the week:

1. Ropes

Practice your reverse prayer, chest harness, and hog tie techniques with a variety of ropes – nylon, hemp, cotton. Rough, smooth, thick, silky, it’s fun to experiment and find out which works best for you. Not only can you restrain someone with rope, but you can fashion it into something as sexy as lingerie – highlight various parts of the body and turn it into an art form.

Fun tip: Apply a vibrator to a taut length of rope and feel the vibration spread…

Where you can find it: hardware, garden, army surplus store, online. Or steal it from the local boy scout troop.

2. Handcuffs

Metal cuffs are edgier and more painful, and lend an extra air of humiliation to your play session. It’s especially intense when they tighten up as you’re having sex, it’s like being bitten. I also like the smell of them – the oiled metal is hot.

Where you can find it: sex store, gun store, your friendly neighborhood police officer.

3. Clothes pins

Clothes pins should be renamed "nipple clamps." I mean, who uses them for hanging clothes these days? The inexpensive wooden clamps can be arranged in nice little rows along the curve of the torso or along the shoulder blades to make “angel wings.”

Where you can find it: grocery store, laundry aisle of retailer store, your old-fashioned neighbors clothesline.

4. Wartenberg Wheel

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BDSM 101 – Moving Beyond Plain Vanilla Sex

The Beautiful Kind — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 14:56:30 +0000

A male friend of mine told me about something embarrassing that happened to him. He was in the throes of passionate sex with his girlfriend when, in a gesture of instinct, he put his hand over her face.

Immediately she froze in horror and blurted, “What are you doing?”

Well, how do you answer that? They resumed their lovemaking and talked about it afterwards. He told her he was going with the heat of the moment, and that to him it was an incredibly intimate gesture, a dominant move on his part.

She felt the opposite – she said it creeped her out and made her feel like an object. And there you have it – that one simple hand over the face gesture crossed the vanilla sex line.

What Do You Call Non-vanilla Sex?

I still haven’t found a good term for non-vanilla sex – chocolate? Strawberry with sprinkles? Chili sauce? This is a little problematic, since I overwhelmingly prefer it over vanilla.

Don’t get me wrong – vanilla sex has its place. But there are plenty of times when you just want to take it to “11,” like Nigel in Spinal Tap.

Taking it to “11”

First off, make sure you’ve covered the vanilla basics. Have you tried sexual positions like doggy style, reverse cowgirl? Have you played all the oral sex games, even 69 (highly overrated in my opinion)?

How about places – have you branched out from bedroom? I’m partial to the bathroom vanity myself, and the basement works well for my dungeon fantasies. How about anal sex? OK, now we’re crossing the line.

Consult the Checklist

Hopefully you have filled out the handy dandy BDSM fetish checklist I provided last month. Going through the checklist will be an eye opening experience for most couples. You’ll find out pretty quickly if one or both of you is dominant/submissive. Take turns picking a fantasy and trying it out.

Start small with blindfolds, silk scarves. A friend of mine had NO idea she liked blindfolds, until her boyfriend spontaneously wrapped her winter scarf around her head and gave her a massage on the couch. That smooth move prompted her to change her blindfold preference from a 3 to a 5 on the checklist. Instant addition to their bag of tricks!

Test Your Comfort Zone

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How to Get Your Freak On – The Beginner’s Guide to BDSM

The Beautiful Kind — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 16:00:55 +0000

A few months ago, I was talking to my new sex partner about what I liked in bed. “I like it a little rough,” I said, “You know, some hair pulling and some smacks on my butt while we’re having sex.”

He sat and pondered this and said, “Have you ever been bent over someone’s knee and spanked?”

Shocked, I exclaimed, “No!”

“Do you wanna try?” he offered.

I stared at him in astonishment.

He smiled and gestured at his lap. He wanted me to assume the position – right now!

My first instinct was to say no thanks – it was silly and weird! But then I reminded myself that I’m a self-proclaimed “trysexual,” so I decided to give it a go.

I lowered my pants, eyeballed him, then draped myself across his lap. He went slow, but he spanked me until my cheeks were pink. And they weren’t the only thing glowing. Turns out I liked it.

National Fetish Day

So how do you go about exploring BDSM and fetishes?

Everyone Has a Fetish

First, you have to come to terms with the fact that everyone is a pervert. That’s right – just like how everyone poops, every adult you know is secretly harboring their own brand of kink. Some never utter what truly excites them out loud. Some never share it with their partner. The poor dears are afraid of freaking people out.

It would be nice if there was a national coming out day for fantasies, a day where every person would put it right out there on the table and acknowledge their turn ons, As in, “Hello, my name is Lucy, and I have a thing for werewolves.” (At this point, my list of kinks looks like a dinner party grocery list.)

Believe me, even the most conservative person has something that titillates them. They tend to feel more ashamed and repress the feelings even more, then take it out on other people. This makes them seem mean, but really they’re just scared and frustrated. A nice spanking would probably do them wonders.

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary, How Does Your Fetish Grow?

I’m a big fan of taking baby steps. If you have a partner, plant a little seed and then back off. Don’t tell them, “I want to host an orgy.” Instead, say something like, “Wouldn’t it be hot if there was someone over there in the corner watching us have sex?” or “I think watching two girls kiss is completely sexy – if you had to pick a female celebrity to make out with, who would you choose, honey?”

Until your partner is more comfortable, always include them in your fantasy scenario. If you don’t, they will feel threatened and alienated. You want them to feel like they’re a part of this intimate thing you are sharing, a partner in crime, if you will. Be patient with them – give them time to digest the idea, and slowly up the ante when the timing seems right.

It’s even better to own up to your kinky fantasy if you’re single, and here’s why – you have the opportunity to put it out on the table from the beginning, which is a lot easier than springing it on someone later.

Yep, I challenge you – on the second or third date, tell her that you like wearing women’s underwear. Tell him you used to play Burglar with your girlfriends during sleepovers. This has worked wonders for me. Oh sure, I’ve scared plenty of people off, but I didn’t fake my way into a relationship, which pretty much dooms its chances of being a happy, open and honest situation.

Are You Ready to Come Out?

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The Beautiful Kind’s Ultimate BDSM, Fetish, & Kink Checklist

The Beautiful Kind — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 15:58:03 +0000

It’s a Pervert Party, and you’re invited!

Copy this list into a word processing program so you can edit it, or print it out.

For each question assign a number based on this scale:

5 = This is something I REALLY like. Bring it on, baby!
4 = This is fun! Let’s go for it.
3= I’m not sure, kinda freaky, could be fun, let’s try it out.
2 = I’m not really into this, but if it excites my partner I’m GGG (good, giving, and game).
1 = Eh, I don’t think so.
0 = NO FREAKIN’ WAY.
? = I have NO idea what you are talking about. Seriously, I’m clueless.
* = fantasy only, stays in my head

Be as creative as you want – feel free to add, fill in blanks, specify, clarify. No, you don’t need to painstakingly fill out each and every number, you can whiz through if you like, use checks instead. Customize it to suit your needs; use a highlighter or different colors for your answers if it helps. Most of all, have fun!

Types of persona that turn you on

[ ] = I am this character, ( ) = Partner is this character

( ) Male
( ) Female
[ ] ( ) Transgender, drag, queer (_______________________)
( ) Ethnicities (Asian etc: _______________________)
[ ] ( ) People with accents ________________
[ ] ( ) People with disabilities (Type: _______________________)
[ ] ( ) Teachers, professors, librarians
[ ] ( ) Lawyers, judges _______________
[ ] ( ) Business professionals, managers
[ ] ( ) Interns/assistant/secretary
[ ] ( ) Nurses, doctors, medical professionals
[ ] ( ) Religious figures (rabbi, priest, nun) _____________
[ ] ( ) Nobility, royalty (Princesses or: _______________)
[ ] ( ) Musicians (Rock stars, violinists, etc: ____________________)
[ ] ( ) Athletes (Football, basketball, baseball, etc: _____________________)
[ ] ( ) Wrestlers, martial arts, ninja etc: ___________________
[ ] ( ) Blue collar workers (Mechanics, maids, other:__________________)
[ ] ( ) Bikers, Hells Angels
[ ] ( ) Cowboys, cowgirls, farmers
[ ] ( ) Soldiers, marines
[ ] ( ) Sailors, coast guard, lifeguard
[ ] ( ) Police officers
[ ] ( ) Firefighters
[ ] ( ) Mail carrier, milkman, FedEx _______________________
[ ] ( ) Airplane pilots, flight attendants
[ ] ( ) Truck drivers
[ ] ( ) Bride, groom
[ ] ( ) Hunters
[ ] ( ) Surfers, extreme sports, skateboarders
[ ] ( ) Tattooed, pierced, body modified (Type: ____________________)
[ ] ( ) Pirates, rogues, guerillas
[ ] ( ) Historical figures (Civil War, Nazi, Abe Lincoln, ancient Egyptian or:__________________)
[ ] ( ) Inexperienced/virgin
[ ] ( ) High school boys/girls/cheerleaders (consenting adults!)
[ ] ( ) Prostitutes, pimps, sex workers, Johns, sluts
[ ] ( ) Fantasy creatures (mermaid, werewolf, vampire, etc.) ___________
[ ] ( ) Furries
[ ] ( ) Droids, robots, machines
[ ] ( ) Daddy, uncle, brother, cousin ___________
[ ] ( ) Mommy, aunt, sister, cousin ____________
[ ] ( ) Babysitter
[ ] ( ) Divorced
[ ] ( ) Widow(er)
[ ] ( ) Older sibling’s friend
[ ] ( ) Older people, elderly ____________________
[ ] ( ) Executioners
Others, please specify: (clowns, sci-fi, superheroes, etc.) ________________________

Fetish Extra Credit

[ ] ( ) Smoking
[ ] ( ) Alcohol
[ ] ( ) Soft drugs (marijuana or: _______________)
[ ] ( ) Hard drugs (heroin or: _________________)
[ ] ( ) Exhibitionism (being watched)
[ ] ( ) Voyeurism (watching)
[ ] ( ) Erotic dancing
[ ] ( ) Watching porn
[ ] ( ) Making porn (photographed or videotaped)
[ ] ( ) Oral sex
[ ] ( ) Forced oral
[ ] ( ) Male ejaculation, cum play _____________
[ ] ( ) Female ejaculation, squirting
[ ] ( ) Menstruation
[ ] ( ) Urination, golden showers
[ ] ( ) Defecation, scat
[ ] ( ) Vomit
[ ] ( ) Anal play/sex ___________
[ ] ( ) Double penetration
[ ] ( ) Fisting
[ ] ( ) Hot play (candle wax, etc)
[ ] ( ) Cold play (ice cubes, cold showers)
[ ] ( ) Foot worship
[ ] Group sex _____________
[ ] Bestiality __________________
[ ] ( ) Necro/unconscious/sleeping ____________________
[ ] ( ) Unshowered
[ ] ( ) Infectious (yeast infection, STD’s or:_____________________)

Favorite body parts: Ass back breasts legs hair feet hands eyes pussy cock __________

Turn offs: _________________________________________________________

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Is it Possible to be a Shy Dominatrix? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 19:58:29 +0000

Those are two words that you don’t normally see in the same sentence: shy and dominatrix.

Is it possible to be both?

Here’s a question from Melissa who is a little confused.

She always considered herself to be submissive, but lately, she keeps meeting others who want her to dominate them.

Hmmm…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am a submissive and lately I’ve been meeting people that want me to dominate them. When I try I get shy and can’t do it.

So how do I NOT be shy when they asked me to do this?

–Melissa, Washington

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

Don’t forget. Click here to Give this Video 5 Stars on YouTube and Subscribe to Ask Dan And Jennifer so you’ll stay up to date with our latest videos.

Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts – leave a comment below.

Is it Possible to be a Shy Dominatrix?

Of course it’s possible. Anything is possible…