Ask Dan and Jennifer » fetishes

How Do I Tell My Girlfriend About My Foot Fetish?

Kendall Ashley — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 17:00:55 +0000

A foot fetish is one of the most common fetishes in the sexual realm. Foot fetishes are usually the worship or obsession with female feet. If you want to tell your girlfriend about it, you are probably nervous about how she will take it.

It’s important to remember that every guy and girl has a fetish of something to some degree. Whether they have a thing for being dominated, oral sex or a specific body part, a fetish is just an admiration. Some guys are into breasts while others love a nice pair of legs on a girl.

An admiration for feet is not that out there and you shouldn’t be embarrassed by it. If you are still worried about telling your girlfriend about your foot fetish, there are a few things that you can do to make the situation more comfortable.

Don’t Go All In

Chances are you have already had sex with your girlfriend. During sex you have probably abstained from licking or sucking on her feet. If you have licked or sucked on her feet or toes and she has not mentioned it making her uncomfortable then half the battle is already won.

If you have not done anything to her feet then you are starting at square one. Have a healthy respect for your partner and do not try anything that is going to make her uncomfortable before you get a chance to talk to her about it.

This is pretty universal for any fetish, but it’s essential for a foot fetish. Many people find feet disgusting and this could be a huge turn off if implemented without explaining yourself first.

Don’t Be Afraid Of The Consequences

This is easier said than done, but you shouldn’t be afraid of any possible rejection. Sex is an important part of every relationship and if you are with somebody that isn’t going to accommodate you in the bedroom then they are probably not right for you.

When your girlfriend entertains your fetish she shows that she really does care about you. She should not be judgmental about your fetish as she probably has something that she’s into also. You want to be with somebody that you can express yourself openly with.

A girlfriend who is judgmental and doesn’t try to understand your foot fetish will be a lifelong hang up that you will regret. It is not uncommon and you should not feel like you’re going to be excommunicated from society after telling her about it.

Remember Her Needs

Comfort is an essential part of every relationship. When you are telling her about your likes, it’s important to realize her needs also. If she is going to entertain your foot fetish then there is probably something that you can do for her. A trade off in the bedroom is always nice because each partner gets what he or she wants. If she is going to let you worship her feet then you should be just accommodating to something that she needs.

Telling Her

Don’t tell her about it over dinner or just before you’re having sex. Arrange a time when neither of you are busy and sit her down. Just say, there’s something that I want to talk about with you. Once she is comfortable, tell her outright. Don’t beat around the bush.

Come right out and tell her in easy to understand terms. You don’t want to be explicit when you’re telling her about your foot fetish, but you want her to understand that this is an important part of your sexually and you want to implement it into your sex life. Ask her if she is comfortable enough with it and what she will not be comfortable with. The key is to get her talking honestly about the situation.

The Benefits

The benefits of talking to your partner about your foot fetish are immense. Putting that feeling in your stomach to rest and having a healthy relationship with somebody that you love is essential. When you tell her about it, ask her about anything that you can do to make her happier with your sex life.

More than likely there is something that you can do to turn her on in the bedroom. Communication is the key to any relationship. When there is no communication, secrets and resentment can set in. Talk to your girlfriend about your it. A relationship without proper communication cannot be successful so be as upfront and honest with her as possible.

When Is Your Kink Really A Fetish?

Kendall Ashley — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 23:00:36 +0000

A kink is something someone really likes during sex – but what is a fetish, and how can you tell if your kink really is that or if it’s something more?

Who Wants A Boring Sex Life?

Nobody enjoys a boring a sex life. Having variety in the bedroom is a natural form of keeping things interesting. Doing missionary every time or knowing that somebody is going to have an orgasm right at five minutes thirty seconds into girl on top is not the most exciting way to go through life. In an effort to keep the monotony out of our sex lives we try new things.

We bring in sex toys, role-playing and other aspects of naughtiness to keep the spark. Kinkiness is essential for this, however, when does the kink turn into something more? The line between kink and fetish is kind of grey, but there are certain keys to finding out if you are just kinky or have an all out fetish. Here are the main differences between the two.

What Is Kinky?

The definition of kinky can vary from person to person depending on whom you talk to. Some people find that simply having a girl on top is kinky while others think of this as a standard sexual position. Some people will find using handcuffs in the bedroom is really kinky while others consider it a requirement. It’s not very easy to define kinky because so many people are beginning to take hold of their sexuality.

Normal loving sex with one woman and one man will usually involve the missionary position, eye contact and kissing. Many people find dirty talk to be extremely kinky. When you start talking about what kinky is it’s really up for personal interpretation. So if we don’t know what kinky is, how do we know what a fetish is? The fact of the matter is that defining this is actually much easier than defining what kinky is.

What Is A Fetish?

Defining this is actually fairly simple. This is basically when you derive sexual arousal from something that is not grouped into sexuality. For instance some people have a fetish for high heels. High heels are not directly attributed to sexuality, however, high heels are commonly referred to as sexy. High heels are a little bit different than a vibrator or a dildo.

Although a vibrator and a dildo can be seen as sexy, they are directly attributed to sexuality because they are used for giving sexual gratification. High heels are simply an accessory used to give a woman more height. While a lot of men find high heels to be an extreme turn on, most men would be able to get aroused without the presence of high heels. This takes us to our next key term in defining what this actually is.

Fixation Makes The Difference

One of the most important aspects of having a fetish is fixation. Fixation is the obsession with a characteristic, action or an inanimate object in a sexual nature. For instance, if we went back to the high heel example, this would involve a guy that could not get sexually aroused without the presence of high heels. This is much different than finding high heels extremely sexy. Wanting your girlfriend or wife to wear high heels in the bedroom once or twice is kinky, while needing your wife or girlfriend to wear high heels every time is considered a fetish.

This doesn’t have to work with objects though. You probably hear men say that they love “blondes.” If you have an affinity for blonds, but you would also date a brunette then you don’t have a fetish. If you your affinity for blondes was something more, you would not find any other color of hair acceptable or sexually desired. This can also be present in different actions.

For instance, to be fixated on voyeurism or exhibition would mean that you could not have an orgasm unless you were watching another couple having sex or unless another couple was watching you. Public sex, certain sexual positions and role-playing can also be a fetish, while doing them every once in a while is just kinky.

Affects It Can Have

A fetish can actually be a lot of fun, but there are certain ones that can be a problem for certain relationships. They can also be draining for the other person. Always having to wear high heels to give you an orgasm or acting out a certain scene cuts down on the spontaneity of the moment. Always remember that your likes and dislikes should be considered just as much as your partner’s needs. Never forget that a relationship works two ways and nobody can get their way all the time.

Best Kink, Fetishes & BDSM Articles Of 2011

Kaylen Jackson — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 14:00:35 +0000

Kink, BDSM and fetishes are becoming more popular as people are indulging their “dark sides.” More and more couples are looking to kinky sex in an effort to spice up their sex lives, while other players are simply seasoned lovers of BDSM and kink. Check out our favorite naughty articles of the year and have fun trying out all the tips!

Don’t miss out on our all time, most popular BDSM, kink and fetish articles!

We’ve also had a lot of fun this year trying out different sex toys – we’ve been reviewing them so we can give you the lowdown on what toys are super hot and which ones are definitely not. Take a few minutes to check out our favorites for bondage, domination or just plain kinky sex!

Under The Bed Restraint System (our personal favorite for beginner’s bondage play!)
The Rhino Penis Extension & Sexual Solution (Great if she likes that “full” feeling, or deep and hard penetration)
Petite Vibrating Nipple Teasers (these warm up and vibrate, but are made for small nipples – also can be used for the clitoris!)

Top 10 Most Common Kinks & Fetishes

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 14:00:17 +0000

BDSM, kinks and fetishes are actually more prevalent than you may think. Check out the ten most popular kinks & fetishes!

Foot Fetish

People with a foot fetish get sexually aroused by women’s feet. A foot fetish and a shoe fetish are often mistaken for one another – people with a shoe fetish are sexually aroused by shoes and feet in them, but usually not by feet in general. Those with a foot fetish are the exact opposite – they are sexually aroused by feet, which may or may not include footwear. This could be in the form of just looking at feet, licking and sucking on them or involving them in sexual activity.

Role Playing

Tons of people enjoy role playing, whether they’re avid BDSM enthusiasts or couples that could be considered relatively “vanilla.” Role play is so much fun, because it allows you to experience different sexual fantasies without going too far outside your box (or outside your relationship). Some sex role play fantasies include:

Hot nurse (or doctor), ailing patient
Teacher, naughty student
Sexy cop, person getting arrested

Breasts

It’s no secret that a big number of guys have a breast fetish! Most guys absolutely love breasts and will watch porn that features women with large breasts or sexual acts taking place with breasts, and they’ll also pay special attention to their lover’s breasts during sex. Some guys will enjoy grossly enlarged breasts (we’re talking HUGE), while others just like ones that are pretty big. Men with breast fetishes may have a particular interest in nipples, but not all of them will.

Butts

It’s also not at all uncommon for some guys to be aroused by butts – especially the nice, large, round variety. Most guys with a special attraction towards butts are going to enjoy rear entry sex positions. They may also really like anal sex. Interestingly enough, there are many guys who are “butt guys” and many guys who are “breast” guys, but very few men (if any) are actually both.

Public Sex

People love the idea of having public sex. There’s just something about having sex around other people – who could possibly see you – that seriously gets people off! Some couples may role play the idea of having public sex – or choose to do it somewhere really discreet where it’s almost impossible to get caught – while others really will get it on out in the open, without regard to getting caught. For some, the idea of getting caught (and actually getting caught) is the biggest turn on of all.

Shoe Fetish

Again, a shoe fetish is a largely popular form of sexual gratification – but it is often mistaken for a foot fetish. A shoe fetish is going to be specifically centered around shoes (and sometimes feet in them). The shoes are almost always high heels, and often very “bondag-ey” looking. Fetish footwear often includes lots of straps, buckles and leather! Some shoe enthusiasts feel like the higher the heel, the better.

Piercings & Tattoos

People have long linked pain with pleasure, and many people will say that there’s a fine line between the two. It’s not hard to figure out that there’s a lot of people on this planet that enjoy not only getting piercings and tattoos, but being around other people that have them as well. However, did you know that a lot of people who enjoy piercings and tattoos get sexually aroused by them? They will be more inclined to have sex with someone that is pierced or tattooed than someone who isn’t, and may even be sexually aroused by the process of getting tattooed or pierced.

Domination & Submission

This is also one of the more popular forms of BDSM & fetishes, because so much fun can be had if you’re creative with domination and submission. Some people have a personality that leans more towards a dominant nature, while others will have a more submissive personality. This can work really well in couples, because dominant and submissive personalities will usually feed off each other.

Rough Sex

This goes back to pleasure being linked to pain. Many couples enjoy BDSM and rough sex, which may include:

Slapping
Spanking
Biting
Restraints
Hard and fast penetration that typically goes deeper than “normal”

Certain Fabrics

Believe it or not, it’s not at all uncommon for people to be aroused by the feel and texture of certain fabrics when they rub up against the skin. This can include:

Satin
Silk
Leather
Rubber
Velvet

People who are sexually aroused by different kinds of fabric will often have pajamas, lingerie or their sheets that are made of this particular fabric.

Q&A: Can I Get Rid Of My Fetish?

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 15:12:46 +0000

A fetish is a common thing for some people to have, and most men and women have a fetish of some kind or another. You’ve probably heard of many different kinds of fetishes, from a foot fetish to bondage and more. Most individuals indulge in their fantasy without thinking about it, but what do you do if you want to get RID of yours?

Question: I just finished watching your video about the teenager who is a macrophile, which motivated me to ask my question. I am a 16 y/o female and have been into omorashi my whole life. I don’t know when it started, but I can remember this fetish existing back to age 3. I hate it, I think it’s gross, I don’t know why it started, and I want to get rid of it. Can I do that? It is the only thing I get off on (for lack of a better term) and I don’t want it to be. I feel like a freak. Can you guys help me? Also, if I can’t get rid of it, how do I go about telling a future boyfriend/husband about this?

–YouTube Viewer

What Is Omarashi?

Omarashi is the Japanese term for a “panty wetting” fetish. It’s not necessarily the act of urinating in the underwear that is arousing to Omarashi enthusiasts, it’s the act of “waiting until you can’t hold it anymore” that is the turn on. This can also be called bladder desperation. While enthusiasts find the actual wetting arousing, they may also be sexually attracted to the feeling of having a full bladder or to someone else who is experiencing the feeling of a full bladder.

Most Fetishes Aren’t Harmful

Some people are freaked out by their own fantasy more so than they are the fetishes of others – which is saying something, considering that it’s common for them to think that their own fantasy is “normal” while what other individuals enjoy is “strange” or “weird.” However, most fetishes are actually completely harmless. Some individuals may think a foot fetish is odd (even the person with the fetish), but in all actuality, there’s nothing harmful at all about enjoying feet sexually or collecting sexy shoes and high heels.

Even “stranger” fetishes like wetting, macrophilia, infantophilia or diaper fetish, and cuckoldism among others are completely harmless, although they wouldn’t necessarily be considered “normal” by most. As long as no one is getting hurt and everything that happens is between consenting adults, there’s really nothing wrong with any fantasy that’s out there.

Don’t Let Others Judge You – And Don’t Judge Yourself

If you’re ashamed of your fantasy or prefer to keep it hidden, you probably don’t have to worry about others judging you. However, some fetish enthusiasts can be pretty hard on themselves for liking what they like – and if it’s not hurting anyone and you’re still able to lead a relatively normal and fulfilling life, there’s no reason to be so critical of what you enjoy. If you have a different sort of fantasy that might hurt someone or something like rape or bestiality, it’s important to seek help as soon as possible. However, if it’s not hurting anyone and it still bothers you, try to think about what exactly it is that freaks you out about it.

What Bothers You About It?

Find out what it is about your fantasy that bothers you – what exactly is it that you find distasteful in what you enjoy? Is it because you and others see it as “dirty” or “wrong” or is it due to hygiene issues or anything else? There are tons of possible reasons as to why something that you enjoy sexually might gross you out or bother you in some way – it’s your job to dig around and find out which one it is. Once you isolate the real issue, only then can you begin to resolve it.

Getting Rid Of A Fetish Because It’s Overtaking Your Life

If you have a fantasy that is overtaking your life and you’re unable to live a normal, healthy and happy life, getting rid of it is definitely in order. Here are some signs that it’s going too far:

It’s all you ever think about. For example, with a masturbation addiction, masturbation will nearly consume the thoughts of the addict. How often are you thinking about your fetish?
You can’t afford it and it hurts you financially.
It affects your relationships with your friends, family and significant others.

How To Overcome It

You most likely want to see an unbiased counselor that you’re comfortable with to talk through your issues with your fantasy. A lot of people with issues they’re ashamed of won’t go see a counselor, however, it’s pretty difficult to work through something like this on your own. This goes back to not letting anyone judge you – there’s nothing wrong with seeking help, ever. If you’re seeking help for any problem that you have and you’re committed to working through it, more power to you. Don’t let anyone bring you down! Also, remember that everything that goes on at a counselor’s office is confidential.

Redirect The Energy To Something Else

Whenever you feel the urge to engage in your fantasyg, think about consciously redirecting that energy to doing something else. For example, instead of looking at porn, try to meditate or do yoga. Pick up a hobby that you really enjoy such as painting or working on cars and do that whenever you feel the urge to engage in your fetish come on. Try getting out of the house – take a walk or adopt a pet that requires a fair amount of your time and attention.

Accepting Your Fantasies

Your sexual fantasies may not be something you are able to rid yourself of – let’s face it, people like what they like and sometimes you can’t change that. If your fetish isn’t hurting anyone and it only involves consenting adults, consider simply accepting it. Consider not letting anyone judge you for it, including yourself! There are individuals out there that enjoy the same things you do, or enjoy things that would be complementary to what you enjoy, like with BDSM where a submissive personality and a dominant personality get together and enjoy their fantasies. If you can’t make it go away of it, learn to accept it!

Should You Try Water Bondage?

Kaylen Jackson — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 14:00:27 +0000

Water bondage is form of restraint that includes playing with water in addition to ropes, ties and gags. Having sex in the pool or shower is definitely fun, and restraining your partner can be too. Should you combine the two and try water bondage? Or is it really something better left to the hardcore sex lovers?

What Is Water Bondage?

Water bondage is a type of BDSM sex act where water is used in addition to ropes, restraints, gags and other equipment. The sub in this situation is usually tied up or gagged, and either sprayed or dunked. Often, the sprays are strong and painful, as this is a part of the “torture” involved in this type of activity.

Sometimes a Houdini tank is used in professional scenarios, and in intense situations, a breathing apparatus may be used as well. Breath play involves dunking the sub underwater and forcing them to hold their breath for as long as possible, giving them the sensation of pressure on their lungs and invoking the fear of drowning.

Is Water Bondage Dangerous?

Water bondage can be very dangerous if not done properly, especially when working with a large body of water. It’s not something that should be taken lightly – it’s a very, very hardcore form of domination and most people aren’t going to be into it. You really have to be enjoy the pain or fear factor to enjoy it. Here’s why it can be more dangerous than it is fun and why you might want to leave it to the professionals:

Dunking

Dunking can be especially dangerous, because the sub is not able to speak or make gestures to let someone know if they are running out of air. This can easily cause the sub to drown, because no one really knows how long they can really hold their breath. If the dom is particularly aroused by the dunking, he or she may be more apt to leave the sub underwater for longer than they can handle.

Spraying

Spraying is another popular form of water bondage, which includes spraying high pressure streams on the sub while they are tied up or restrained. The higher the pressure, the more it hurts, so in some scenarios, the sprays will be from high pressure, industrial type hoses. In soft core scenarios, the sprays may be from a shower head or a regular hose.

Staying Safe

While this is an extreme form of BDSM and is therefore dangerous in and of itself, there are some ways that you can try to stay as safe as possible if you decide to engage in an activity like this. Going for light bondage or sex in the water can be a great way to get your “feet wet” so to speak, without engaging in the type of activity that hardcore BDSM fans like to do.

Don’t Use Gags

While a gag can be fun during other types of BDSM play, it can take the danger level of water bondage up quite a bit. Being submerged or sprayed heavily can make it difficult or impossible to breathe. A gag also makes it difficult to breathe, and when you combine the two, it can be almost impossible for a sub to catch his or her breath properly. Choose one or the other, but avoid using both.

Avoid Submersion

Submersion or dunking is probably the most intense part of this form of BDSM and is probably the most dangerous. Some hardcore fetish websites feature women or men being chained or tied up in a tub or tank, where they are barely able to get their heads out enough to breathe. This may seem erotic, but it’s actually incredibly dangerous. Spray your sub with a hose, but avoid submerging them.

Come Up With A Safe Word/Gesture

With any BDSM play, it’s important to have a safe word picked out before you start. With hardcore play, a gesture might be in order if a gag is being used or the sub cannot speak for other reasons. If you’re using a gag, do not bind the hands so much that the safe gesture cannot be used and if the hands are bound, do not gag the mouth so the safe word cannot be used. Make sure that both the dom and the sub agree that all play stops immediately if the safe word or gesture is used!

Amateur Bondage – 8 Tools That Beginners Should Have On Hand

Kaylen Jackson — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 14:00:53 +0000

Amateur bondage can be incredibly hot when you’ve never done it before. It can bring some much needed spice to the bedroom when you’ve hit a sex rut with your partner, or it can simply be exciting to masturbate in a way that you never have before. Amateur bondage will let you experience all the excitement of being tied up, spanked, tickled and manipulated, without the freakishness that hardcore bondage can have. Check out these ten must have items for beginners.

A Soft Rope Or Silk Restraints

First order of business when it comes to amateur bondage is to get yourself some form of restraints. Restraints are the cornerstone of bondage! You may think you can tie your partner up with just anything you have lying around the house, but think again! If you really want to get a feel for amateur bondage and have the most pleasurable experience possible, you’re going to want to invest in something made for this kind of play.

Japanese bondage rope is great to play with because it is soft and silky, but it will keep someone restrained quite nicely. Other great options for beginners are the Sportsheets Under The Bed Restraint System or fuzzy handcuffs. Just don’t opt for anything like a stockade or metal chastity devices. These are for advanced users only!

A Feather Tickler

Part of the excitement of being tied up is having your partner do things to you that you don’t know are coming or that you can’t do anything to stop. Amateur bondage players don’t necessarily want to whip their partner into submission, so creating different, unexpected sensations is what amateur bondage is all about.

A feather tickler is a perfect item for beginners, because it doesn’t hurt but it will still create incredible sensations on your partner’s skin or genitals – wherever you choose to use it. While your partner is restrained and blindfolded, alternate between lightly spanking them and tickling them with the feather tickler. Your lover won’t know what to expect next and they certainly won’t be in any position to stop you!

A Breathable Gag

Gags are popular in the BDSM community, but many of them can be quite intimidating for beginners. There are, however, a variety of breathable gags that can be used for amateur bondage so you can have the fun of using a gag without the scariness of a gag that doesn’t allow for easy breathing.

While open mouth gags and pony bit gags are more breathable than some of their counterparts, they tend to look pretty frightening, especially if you’re a beginner. A small, soft, breathable ball gag is your best bet. There are even training kits that have a variety of gag sizes so you can start small and work your way up.

A Blindfold

A blindfold is essential during amateur bondage and BDSM play, because sometimes you don’t want your lover to know what you’re doing – or what you’re going to do next. Sometimes, you want to be the one wearing the blindfold! You can use things around the house, such as a silk tie or scarf, but a blindfold purchased from a sex toy store is going to be a lot more comfortable and it’s going to fit a lot better.

When choosing a blindfold, stick to something soft, silky or fur lined. There are lots of blindfolds available on the market, ranging from pink and flirty to entire face masks that look like something out of Hellraiser. Stick to the basic blindfolds at first! They will do their job just as well, without freaking you or your partner out.

A Padded Or Fur Lined Paddle

Experiencing both pain and pleasure is another essential part of amateur bondage and BDSM play. Whether you want to give or receive, mixing pleasure and pain is an incredible experience and it’s part of why BDSM play is so popular! There are lots of devices on the market that will help you introduce pain to your lover, but many of them are just too “out there” for beginners.

Instead, consider getting a padded or fur lined paddle for spanking. Spanking can actually be very pleasurable, and the rear is a great place to direct pain since it doesn’t bruise easily and is well hidden if it does. A padded or fur lined paddle will help the giving partner experience domination, while the receiver gets to experience pain mixed with pleasure without worrying about being seriously hurt in the process.

Various Sex Toys Of Your Choice

Once your partner is all tied up and blindfolded, then what are you going to do? Have some of your favorite sex toys on hand to please your partner with. Having more than one at your disposal is a good idea, because you want to keep them expecting new and different sensations.

A vibrator is a must have for women, because you can experiment with light to firm pleasure – almost to the point where it’s too much – while they’re restrained and unable to see what you’re doing. For men, a masturbation sleeve is a good option. Alternate between the masturbation sleeve and your hand. If they’re into anal penetration, have a butt plug or anal beads with you. As always, don’t forget the lube!

Surgical Scissors

Even though you’re only experimenting with amateur bondage, it’s important that you have items available to remove your partner from their restraints as quickly as possible if something goes wrong. Surgical scissors fit the bill, because they’ll easily cut through just about any type of rope or leather restraints. If you’re using handcuffs, make sure you have the key very close by and an extra hidden elsewhere.

A Safe Word Or Gesture

Never, ever engage in any type of BDSM play or amateur bondage without deciding on a safe word or gesture first. A safe word is something that you say – that is completely unrelated to anything you might or could possibly say during play that when said or heard, all play stops immediately. For example, “purple pony,” “pink tomato” or “umbrella penguin” are all great safe words. You or your partner can use the safe word if things get to be too much, and always, always honor the safe word if your partner says it – even if you aren’t ready to stop playing.

A safe gesture is also a good idea to have, because there are times when a partner is unable to speak – for example, if they are wearing a gag. A gesture can be anything you want, as long as it can be clearly distinguished from any other hand movements a person might make when experiencing pleasure and pain. For example, the middle finger is a pretty good gesture – it’s hard to pull that one off on accident.

Bondage 101: How To Get Started With Bondage

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:00:47 +0000

Bondage can be fun, but how do you begin if you’ve never tried it before? It’s easy to get intimidated when you start checking it out, because there is some seriously hardcore stuff out there. But don’t think you have to go overboard right away – in fact, bondage is better when you start slowly and work your way up. Check out these great tips for BDSM beginners!

Hi Dan and Jennifer – loving the great advice! My girlfriend and I want to try some bondage, but we’ve never done it before and don’t really know where to start, any advice?

–YouTube Viewer

Beginner’s Bondage Kits

No, you don’t have to go out and buy yards and yards of heavy duty rope to begin with a little BDSM. Lots of companies make excellent beginner’s bondage kits that have everything you need to get it on. While there’s probably some stuff you could use at home such as a spatula for spanking or a silk tie as a rope or a blindfold, a kit is going to be a lot more fun – and a lot sexier. What is great about the beginner’s kits is that they’re pretty softcore, so they’re really not going to scare anyone off.

Our Recommendations:

Fetish Fantasy Series Beginner’s Bondage Set

Comes with 4 velvety soft cuffs with silky ties, a feather tickler, 2 romantic candles and a satiny smooth blindfold so your partner doesn’t know what you’re going to do next!

Fetish Fantasy Series Pleasure Bondage Set

This one also includes soft ankle and wrist cuffs, but the cuffs can be connected using a sturdy O-ring. An inflatable pillow and a silky blindfold come with, but those who want to get a little freakier will enjoy the soft, breathable gag.

Play Sex Games

Playing sex games with your partner can be a lot of fun, and it can not only lead you and your lover to a night of intense passion, it can also teach you more about what you and your partner like in bed. Sex doesn’t always have to be serious, and that’s why playing a game can be so much fun – it lets you remember that sex is all about having fun, laughing and enjoying your partner. Go on a sexy scavenger hunt or play a game of titillating truth or dare. You’ll be amazed at how much you can discover about yourself and your lover when you play sex games together.

Our Recommendations:

Cosmo’s Steamy Sex Games

Straight from the sexperts from Cosmopolitan comes 118 super fun cards that will spark your imagination with tons of sexy new ideas for things you can do together.

3 Deck Sex Pack

Get three decks of sexy card games and never run out of ideas for new and exciting things you can do with your lover. Included are card games Sex, Porn and Naked! Compete to see who owns the most porn or the classic-but-always-fun strip poker.

Bondage At Home

There are definitely some things at home that you can use for BDSM, but many of them aren’t recommended. It’s much better to use things that are made for what you’re doing (such as lube instead of spit), and even though it’s a little more expensive, getting great, high quality sex toys that you can use over and over again is well worth the investment. Nevertheless, here are some things you can use at home:

A silk tie can function as a blindfold or hand/feet restraints
A spatula can make a great paddle
A feather duster (wash it first!) makes a neat tickler

How To Know When To Stop

When you really start getting into BDSM, role play and domination and submission, the word “stop” doesn’t always mean stop. When you’re getting into kinky sex, it’s so important to have something called a “safe word.” A safe word functions as the word “stop,” meaning that if the safe word is used, all activity stops immediately.

Before you and your partner get it on, agree on a safe word to use. Make sure that it’s not something that you would normally call out during sex play, and words like “no” or “stop” aren’t going to work. Try something like “purple pony” or “turkey sandwich” so there’s no mistaking that the play needs to cease immediately if the word is used. Always honor the safe word, even if you think that everything is fine and nobody is getting hurt. Part of having a great time with BDSM and kink is to be able to completely trust and let go with your partner – so make sure that if the safe word is used, you cool it right away.

How To Be A Naughty Girl

Kaylen Jackson — Sat, 07 May 2011 14:00:38 +0000

Sex – no matter how vanilla – is something every guy adores. Even if it’s missionary position with the lights off – he’ll take that over no sex any day. But you can really wow your man by making it more kinky and showing him that you have a naughty side. Here’s how to let the vixen in you out.

Use A Mirror During Sex – And Fellatio

Guys love to watch. That’s a given, considering just how much porn there is circulating around the adult DVD stores and the Internet. Get him to focus on you though by introducing a mirror during sex. Put one on your bedroom wall right next to the bed and better yet, put one on the opposite side so he can get a view of both angles. If you can’t get full size mirrors, settle for a makeup mirror on a table or night stand that will give him a great view of you giving him a blowjob.

Masturbate For Him

Again, this is playing into the fact that men really do get off on visual stimuli. Instead of getting angry with him for watching porn instead of being interested in you, give him a reason watch you. Shake off your insecurities about how you look (he loves the way you look naked, even though you’re not perfect) and give him the show of his life by masturbating in front of him. Close your eyes or blindfold yourself and turn on some music so that you have no idea that he’s there. Then just go at it! You will be amazed at just how much watching you do yourself the way you like it will turn him on.

Do It Somewhere Else

Instead of having sex in the bedroom again, show him your wild side by suggesting sex somewhere else. Whether it’s on the couch, in the backyard or in the VIP section of an exclusive nightclub, just the change of venue will do wonders for how amazing the sex is. When you move outside the bedroom and let the vixen inside you out, expect amazing orgasms for both you and your partner!

Walk Around The House Naked

Most women aren’t confident about their naked bodies and most men hate that about their partners. Your man loves the way you look naked – if he didn’t, he’d probably wouldn’t be with you. So let your insecurities and inhibitions go and start walking around the house naked. Start small, like not putting on a towel after a shower while you head to the bedroom to get dressed. Perhaps you can hang out naked for a bit after having sex, and after you get used to the idea, you can walk around the house naked whenever you like. Your man won’t be able to keep his eyes off you!

Do The Reverse Cowgirl

The reverse cowgirl is one of the sex positions that most guys like the best. Why is this? Because it gives them a full view of your vagina and your anus, and he gets to see every thrust in eye-popping detail. Many women don’t like to do this however, because they get uncomfortable thinking about their partners looking at their vagina and anus for so long. Don’t worry about it – your guy isn’t going to be noticing that your inner labia are longer than your outer or that you have a little stubble from not having shaved in a couple days. He’s just going to enjoy watching his penis slide in and out of you over and over!

Leave Your Panties On

During foreplay, leave your panties on. Let him rub your clitoris through your panties – bonus points if you get wet enough for him to actually feel or see it through the fabric! When you’re ready for intercourse or oral sex, Pull your panties to the side and let your man do his thing. Pulling your panties to the side to get it on feels super naughty for both of you, and your man will love it!

Let Him Give You A Facial

Some guys enjoy the idea of giving a woman a facial – and not the kind you get at the beauty salon. For whatever reason, some men love the idea of ejaculating on a woman’s face and if you can get past the “gross” factor (or if it doesn’t bother you at all) your man may really enjoy doing this with you. Next time you give him a blowjob, let him finish on your face. It will make him feel like you’re being extra naughty and he won’t be able to keep his hands off you!

Have Impromptu Car Sex – With Road Head

Having sex in public is definitely naughty, so car sex fits the bill. If you want your man to find you truly dirty, surprise him with an impromptu sex session next time you’re on a road trip. Ask him to pull over on the side of the road (make sure its fairly deserted) and hop in the backseat for a quickie. Or, you can give him road head – which he’ll absolutely love. Road head is much easier to give, because it’s harder to get caught doing it.

Go Commando

Next time you and your lover go out to dinner together (or anywhere really), conveniently “forget” to put on panties beforehand. Of course, make sure you’re wearing something that won’t show your cooter when you bend over. Then, lean over and whisper in his ear that you’re not wearing any panties underneath your clothes – and watch as his eyes pop right out of his head! The idea of you not having any panties on all night (especially he gets to cop a quick feel) will make him want to tear your clothes off the minute you get home.

Wear F-Me Shoes

Stilettos make any woman’s legs look miles long – it’s one of the reasons that men enjoy watching women in the adult entertainment industry. If you notice, even in porn, they always wear high heels or platform heels of some kind. That’s because they’re an instant turn on for guys! Next time you’re at the shoe store, get a pair of really sexy f-me shoes and hide them in the closet. Wear them the next time you don your little black dress for an evening out, or better yet, wear the shoes (and only the shoes) next time you want to seduce your lover.

Get Your Tongue Pierced

This may not be your idea of fun, but if you’re open to it, getting a tongue piercing can improve oral sex for guys by quite a bit. Plus, it’s something a lot of “naughty” girls have done. In fact, many guys will instantly start thinking a girl is naughty and extra dirty in the sack as soon as he sees the tongue ring flash in her mouth while she’s talking. If the idea intrigues you, talk to a reputable piercer and ask some questions. You may just leave with a shiny new piece of jewelry that your man will love!

Clitoris Pump – What Is The Female Version Of A Penis Pump?

Kaylen Jackson — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 14:00:24 +0000

Sex toys come in every size, shape and color and sex toys for men have become just as popular as they are for women. A penis pump, for example, is one of the best selling male sex toys there is. A clitoris pump – the female version of a penis pump – is made to function the same way. What is a clitoris pump and how is it used? Here’s what you want to know:

What Function It Serves

Any pump – whether it be a penis pump or one for the clitoris and labia – is designed to force more blood into the genital tissue, enhancing the sensitivity of whatever has been pumped. After pumping, the shaft and head of the penis or the clitoris and labia are engorged with blood and can be much more receptive to any kind of stimulation.

Some men who experience erectile dysfunction may use a penis pump to achieve and maintain an erection, while other men simply use a penis pump to enhance sexual sensations during intercourse with a partner or during masturbation. Women who use a clitoris pump do so for many of the same reasons. Some women may have trouble achieving an orgasm, and a clitoris pump may help the genital tissue become more sensitive and make it easier for a woman to reach climax.

A clitoris pump may also be used by couples to increase friction during intercourse, as many men and women have reported after using a clitoris pump that the vagina looks and feels much tighter.

Different Types Of Pumps

Just as there are all kinds of different sex toys, there are also different styles of clitoris pumps as well. A simple pump will basically consist of a wide plastic mouth that is placed over the vulva, with a tube going to a soft hand bulb. Some clitoris pumps will have attachments on the inside designed for clitoral stimulation during use, while others will have a vibrating bullet attached to the mouth of the pump for even more sensations.

Some clitoris pumps are designed to cover the entire vulva (both the clitoris and the labia) while others are much smaller and are designed to be placed over the clitoris only. When the genital tissues have been pumped up, they usually go back to their normal size within a matter of seconds or minutes, depending on how long the pumping lasted in the first place.

Keeping Things Safe

As with any other types of sex toys, it’s important that you learn how to use the toy properly to get the best results – and to avoid doing damage to your delicate genital tissues in the process. Never, ever use an actual vacuum instead of a pump, regardless of whether you’re male or female. The suction on a vacuum is much, much more powerful than a penis pump or a clitoris pump and can actually cause the blood vessels and capillaries inside the genital tissue to break – giving you one nasty looking bruise.

In rare cases, people who have used vacuum hoses during masturbation have had to seek emergency medical assistance due to severe engorgement of the genitals. Choose your clitoris pump wisely and select the size that is right for you. Remember to keep it clean and dry when not in use and follow all directions on the packaging.

“Extreme Pumping”

Clitoris and labia pumping to the extreme is considered a form of BDSM and is featured in many fetish videos and porn. With extreme pumping, the clitoris and labia are suctioned and enlarged a great deal, to the point where the genitals appear very swollen and misshapen. This kind of activity can be dangerous, because it too can cause the blood vessels and capillaries to break and the skin to become stretched or bruised. There are lots of fun sexual activities that are fun and don’t hurt!

Trying A Clitoris Pump

If you’re thinking about trying a clitoris pump for yourself, make sure you get one from a reputable company. Go slow, using the suction for only a few seconds or minutes at a time. Gradually build up your tolerance to stronger and stronger suction, until you achieve the desired effect. Just make sure you’re not using too much suction or doing it for too long. Relax and have fun, but if you become uncomfortable at any time or are in any kind of pain, stop immediately!

BDSM – What Is Erotic Humiliation?

Kaylen Jackson — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 14:00:34 +0000

“BDSM” stands for “bondage, domination, sadism and masochism.” However, this is just a blanket term for many different styles of kinky sex, including fetishes and roleplay, as well as less common activities such as erotic asphyxiation or erotic humilation.

While erotic humiliation isn’t generally as dangerous as activities like erotic asphyxiation, it can be just as fascinating to see exactly what gets different people off. What is erotic humiliation, what does it involve and how would you introduce it or an alternative in the bedroom?

What Is Erotic Humilation?

Erotic humilation is a form of BDSM defined by Wikipedia as the “consensual use of psychological humiliation in a sexual context, whereby one person gains arousal or erotic excitement from the powerful emotions of being humiliated and demeaned, or of humiliating another; often (but not always) in conjunction with sexual stimulation of one or both partners in the activity.”

Depending on whether someone has a dominant or submissive personality, the act of being humiliated or humiliating another during sex can be very arousing for both partners. Rarely does a person enjoy both humiliating and being humiliated and many sexual partnerships are formed because one partner prefers domination while the other prefers submission.

The Difference Between Humiliation And Domination

Many people may confuse erotic humiliation with domination and other forms of BDSM, because the roles are very similar. There is, however, a simple distinction between the two. Those who enjoy dominating others enjoy “commanding” or “ordering” their submissive partner do do something, and the submissive partner enjoys being “commanded” to do something. With humiliation, the dominant partner enjoys verbally or physically belittling their partner, and the submissive partner enjoys being belittled and humiliated just as much.

Verbal Means Of Erotic Humiliation

Depending on the agreement between the dominant and submissive partners, verbal belittlement may or may not be an accepted part of humiliation. However, it is much more common to see verbal belittlement in a humiliation situation than a great deal of physical humiliation. Verbal belittlement during sex might include:

Being a human “pet,” complete with collar and leash. This may include eating or drinking out of a pet bowl or off the floor.
Name calling such as “slave” or “whore”
Belittling the body, suggesting that it is “dirty” or “ugly”
Men who enjoy being humiliated may enjoy their partners belittling their penis size
Asking for permission to eat or use the restroom
Being verbally mocked or ridiculed

Physical Means Of Erotic Humiliation

When couples desire more than verbal belittlement offers, they may decide to move into more physical means of humiliation. This can be something as mild as spanking or can be very extreme. When combined with sexual activities and verbal belittlement, the humiliation factor can be very powerful. Many dom/sub couples may choose to forgo the physical aspect, or they may participate with a lighter attitude. Physical humiliation might include activities like:

Being slapped on the rear or in the face
Having the hair pulled
Ejaculating in the face or on the body
Being required to perform oral sex on the dominant partner without getting anything in return
Being forced to worship the body of the dominant partner
Physical punishment such as spanking or whipping when the submissive partner is “disobedient”
Torture of the nipples or the genitals

How To Approach Erotic Humilation In Your Relationship

If you’re interested in erotic humilation, you may be unsure of how to approach the subject with your partner. Remember that while being open and honest about your sex fantasies is extremely important, going slow and giving your partner time to warm up to the idea is even more so.

The first step is to determine which of you has a dominant personality and which of you has a submissive one. If you and your lover are both dominant or both submissive, erotic humiliation is generally something that won’t work well in your sexual relationship. Ease into it slowly, by introducing one new concept at a time and only when your partner seems ready for it.

If You’re A Sub

Offer to be you lover’s sex slave for the day and see what happens
Tell your partner you’d love to be spanked during sex
Come to bed wearing a collar
Experiment with handcuffs and bondage
Ask him to call you his “slut” or his “whore”

If You’re A Dom

Pinch your partner’s nipples during sex (not too hard without the green light first)
Ask your partner if they’ll be your sex slave for the day
Go shopping with your partner for sexy accessories, like collars or tiaras
Ask your partner to give you a blowjob or go down on you without reciprocation
Ask your partner to let you ejaculate on their face

Special Note: Never be derogatory or dominant towards your partner without their knowing and consent first. Not letting your lover in on what’s going on before verbally belittling them or physically humiliating them will only end very, very badly.

Pubic Humiliation

Another aspect of erotic humiliation which may be arousing to both partners is public humiliation. Sometimes, consenting partners will use verbal belittlement in public and very rarely will they humiliate physically in public. However, some couples may be part of groups that also enjoy this activity and may have “sex parties” in where one or more subs are humiliated in front of the crowd.

Alternatives To Extreme Humiliation

If the idea of humiliating your partner or being humiliated turns you on, but you’re not ready to go to the extreme with it, start small and work your way up. Alternatives to more aggressive forms of humiliating might be:

Nibbling or biting your partner
Spanking or asking to be spanked
Light bondage
Dirty talk with a dash of humiliation thrown in
Online or long distance humiliating

What is Fisting? Is It Safe?

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 14:00:56 +0000

Rough sex takes on an entirely different meaning when it comes to fisting. Fisting is a sexual activity that is gaining in popularity, but there are still lots of questions that surround it. Is it safe to do, or should it be avoided? Are there ways to make fisting safer? Here is what you want to know about fisting and how you can make it as safe as possible.

What Is Fisting?

Fisting is considered to fall within the “BDSM” category of sex acts and simply put, it is the act of putting the hand, all the way up to the wrist or forearm, into the vagina or rectum. This is most easily done by forming the hand into a “duck bill” shape where the thumb and all the fingers meet (resembling a duck bill) for easier insertion. Then, the fingers can be moved into a fist shape or wiggled around once the hand is inside.

Fisting can be done alone during masturbation or during sex with a partner to create unique sensations for both men and women.

Is Fisting Safe?

When done properly, fisting can theoretically be safe and even enjoyable for both the giving and receiving partner. However, doing it properly is the key to making sure fisting doesn’t cause bodily harm or damage. Here’s how to keep fisting safe and fun:

Go slow. It’s very important that you go very slow when inserting the hand and wrist into a vagina or up the rectum. Going to fast may cause extreme discomfort or pain for your partner, and it may also cause some of the delicate vaginal or anal tissues to stretch too much and tear.
Use lots and lots of lube. Water based lube is best for easy clean up, but silicone based lube can be used as well. Do not attempt to try fisting yourself or your partner without a very generous amount of lube! Without lube, you can pretty much guarantee it won’t be comfortable for your partner and the risk of tearing goes up dramatically without the proper amount of lubrication.
Don’t use a “pumping” motion. You want to move your hand around during fisting, without taking it all the way out and pumping air into the vagina or rectum. This can cause air embolisms, which can be very dangerous and even cause death.
Allow for lots of warm up time and foreplay. When a woman is fully aroused and excited after foreplay, her vagina will relax more, making it easier to insert larger objects.
If it hurts, stop!

Fisting The Anus

Fisting the vagina is much safer than fisting the anus. Vaginas are very elastic and made to stretch and accommodate very large objects, because they are designed to give birth. A baby’s head is much larger than a fist, so you can rest assured that after fisting the vagina in a safe way, everything will go back to its normal size and shape.

That said, the rectum is not designed to accommodate objects as large as a fist. Even if you use lots and lots of lube, fisting the rectum can cause pain, discomfort at best and tearing or bleeding at worst. Repeated fisting of the rectum will change the size and shape of the anus, possibly leading to the need for adult diapers in the future because the anal sphincter has lost enough elasticity that it can no longer keep waste inside.

How To Make Anal Fisting Safer

While anal fisting isn’t considered a “safe” sexual activity, there are some things you can do to make it as safe as it can be.

Start small and work your way up. Start with small anal sex toys, such as tiny butt plugs, and work your way up to the bigger stuff.
Have a “safe” word. If it hurts too much, your partner will use the safe word so you’ll know to stop immediately.

Other Safety Tips To Consider

While taking the above steps to make fisting safer, here are some additional things to think about before you get started.

Trim your fingernails. Scrub underneath them and trim them, so there are no sharp corners, hangnails or dirt underneath.
Consider using a latex glove. Keep your hands clean and your partner’s anus or vagina bacteria free by simply slipping on a latex glove before fisting.
Never use a “numbing” lube. If it hurts, you need to feel it because that means you’re going too far! If you use numbing lubes, you may tear or bleed without realizing it.

Kinky Sex: 6 Sex Fetishes You Didn’t Know Existed

Kaylen Jackson — Fri, 17 Dec 2010 14:00:38 +0000

There’s kinky sex and then there’s kinky sex. You may think that a little bondage and some fuzzy handcuffs in the bedroom is pretty out there, but it’s guaranteed that there are dozens (and maybe even hundreds) of different sex fetishes and fantasies that you didn’t even know about. From diapers to stuffed animals to erotic asphyxiation, check out these sex fetishes that you probably didn’t know existed!

Diaper Fetish

If you’ve never heard of a diaper fetish, now you have. People who enjoy diapers while making love (or just enjoy wearing diapers period) are called “diaper lovers” or “adult babies” and contrary to popular belief, they have no interest whatsoever in pedophilia. People who enjoy using diapers during coitus may like to urinate in the diapers or have their partners urinate in them, or may enjoy pulling the diapers to the side to perform oral sex on their lovers. Some adult babies will go so far as to purchase child like pajamas or even use pacifiers while sleeping or while making love. Now that’s kinky sex!

Erotic Asphyxiation

A truly dangerous form of kinky sex, this is one of the sex fetishes you don’t want to mess with. It is more dangerous than pleasurable and is one of the only sex fetishes that can result in death. Either during intercourse or masturbation, a person who enjoys erotic asphyxiation will tie a cord, scarf or other item around their neck to cut off blood and oxygen to the brain during orgasm. This supposedly makes an orgasm much more intense and satisfying. At best, the person who is participating in erotic asphyxiation will pass out at the point of orgasm and come to a little later after the body resumes normal function on its own. At worst, passing out before the cord is untied will cause the brain to go without blood and oxygen too long – causing brain damage (if the person is discovered in time) or death.

Klismaphilia

Klismaphilia is often one of the sex fetishes that people who enjoy anal sex like, and this is a form of kinky sex indeed. Klismaphilia refers to the sexual pleasure that some people derive from giving or receiving an enema. People who enjoy this activity will often fantasize about getting an enema, and will get aroused and may even reach orgasm while getting an enema or during the elimination process. Klismaphiliacs may go to the doctor or hospital to get an enema under the pretense of being constipated, or they may engage in this activity in secret as many adult toy stores offer devices such as enema tools, latex gloves and vaginal speculums for those into medical fetishes.

Hybristophilia

Hybristophilia is a fetish that is described often as the “Bonnie and Clyde Syndrome” where people (most often women) have a sexual fascination with someone who has committed a violent or gruesome crime. Many prisoners with sensationalized murder cases receive “fan mail” in prison from women who have sex fetishes or fantasies about the perpetrators of the crime and may even fantasize about being a part of the crime or witnessing it happening. Since most hybristophiliacs aren’t able to experience this type of kinky sex in person, their sex fetishes are usually expressed during masturbation. Some women, however, have even been known to marry the objects of their affection while they’re in prison. Passive hybristophiliacs often stick to writing letters to violent criminals, while more active hybristophiliacs may even be an accomplice in a heinous crime.

Plushophilia

Plushophiliacs have sex fetishes with stuffed animals or people who wear animal costumes, such as sports mascots or holiday characters such as the Easter Bunny. Men and women who are plushophiliacs may enjoy having intercourse with their partners dressed up in plush costumes, or they may experience this sex fantasy during masturbation with a small stuffed animal. Both men and women can be plushophiliacs, but not all fans of furry critters enjoy them sexually – called “furry fandom.”

Burusera

Burusera is the Japanese equivalent of a “panty fetish.” Men with Burusera style sex fetishes enjoy smelling, touching, masturbating with and even licking a girl’s used panties. This type of kinky sex was so prevalent in Japan at one time, that many Burusera shops existed to cater to clientele that wanted to purchase used panties and swimwear for sexual pleasure. Unfortunately, many more young girls were targeted as providers of used panties than those over the age of 18, so many Burusera shops were shut down and laws were passed to keep young girls from selling their panties to individuals or shops.

Vampire Sex: A Guide To Safe Bloodletting And Biting In The Bedroom

Kaylen Jackson — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 14:00:42 +0000

With sexy vampire shows like True Blood and Vampire Diaries, or movies like Twilight, fetishists and BDSM fans may be tempted to try lots of biting and bloodletting in the bedroom if they haven’t already. Sure, it might be creepy to some people, but who’s to judge? Here’s how to keep bloodletting and biting in check so you can have hot vampire sex safely.

Biting

Most people are no stranger to biting in the bedroom. Even non-BDSM lovers can enjoy light biting or nibbling during sex, and some even enjoy harder biting that leaves marks. Biting during sex typically isn’t dangerous if you’re not drawing blood, but it’s important to have a safe word during biting just like with any sex activity that involves pain of any kind. Come up with a completely unrelated safe word (like “banana” or “train”) and if your partner is biting too hard or you want to stop for any reason, use the safe word. Before getting started, make sure both you and your partner (and whoever else is involved) is aware of the safe word and knows to stop immediately if anyone says it.

Bloodletting

Bloodletting isn’t as common as biting and it’s definitely not considered a “safe” activity and in fact it can be as dangerous as other activities such as erotic asphyxiation. There are, however, some things that you can do to make it safer for both you and your partner if this is an activity you both wish to pursue. First of all, bloodletting is not an activity that can be done with either partner inebriated in any way and of course must never be done by anyone under the age of eighteen. Bloodletting is an activity that is reserved for responsible, consenting adults only! Typically, people who enjoy bloodletting will draw only small amounts of blood from themselves (to avoid cutting or harming the other person more than intended) and either lick the blood themselves or allow their partner to do so. Never draw large amounts of blood from yourself or your partner, and if you’re not comfortable with it, don’t do it! Don’t let anyone “talk you into it” or convince you that you want to do it.

A Note On STD’s

Blood spreads STD’s like wildfire. NEVER, EVER use someone else’s needle or razor and never allow anyone else to use yours. Never drink another person’s blood unless you and your partner have had STD testing and your results were negative. In addition, once you and your partner have had clean blood tests, you both must be committed to monogamy to avoid contracting a new sexually transmitted disease and giving it to your partner. Remember that bloodletting and biting (if blood is drawn) can spread serious STD’s like HIV and Hepatitis C, for which there is no cure. It is considered a high risk activity and it’s important to take steps to make yourself and your partner as safe as possible.

Don’t want to take the risk but enjoy the sight of blood during sex? Why not incorporate a bottle of good old fashioned fake blood into your sexcapades? Or find a recipe for edible blood made from corn syrup and red food coloring. You can still have fun without causing pain or putting yourself at risk for contracting and spreading sexually transmitted diseases.

How To Deal With Your Partner’s Secret Diaper Fetish

Kaylen Jackson — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 23:00:06 +0000

So your partner has a diaper fetish or diaper sex fantasy. Weird? Perhaps to you. However, the “diaper lover” and “adult baby” community is a surprisingly large and growing community filled with people who enjoy wearing diapers during sex, having their partners wear diapers during sex, and those who simply enjoy wearing diapers or using pacifiers. While your partner certainly isn’t alone in his diaper fetish, it can definitely seem strange or even disgusting to other people. So how do you deal with your partner’s secret diaper fetish?

What Is A Diaper Fetish?

A diaper fetish is a strong like or even obsession with diapers. These people are often called “diaper lovers” or “DL’s” for short, and while it may seem at first that the diaper lover is into pedophilia or infantophilia, they’re absolutely not. In fact, pedophiles and infantophiles are very much shunned by the diaper loving community. Some diaper lovers enjoy using diapers during sex and enjoy their partners wearing diapers during sex, however, others may not feel that diapers are sexual at all. These types of diaper lovers are often called “adult babies” and simply enjoy wearing diapers because they feel or look good to them. Adult babies may also enjoy wearing child-like pajamas, playing with children’s toys or even sucking on pacifiers. A diaper fetish is actually no different from a foot fetish, a smoking fetish, a cross dressing fetish or any other type of fetish.

So Do I Try It?

If your partner has confessed to you that he would like to wear a diaper during sex or would like to see you wearing a diaper during sex, you may be taken aback or even a little freaked out. This is very normal for people who don’t have much experience with fetishes at all or have never heard of a diaper fetish. It may take you some time to get used to the idea and get comfortable with the fact that your partner is a “diaper lover,” let alone considering trying it yourself. Stop and think about it though. Your partner’s sex fantasy could be something that really brings you and your partner together emotionally and sexually. Or it could be something that drives a wedge between the two of you. Your partner may not break up with you or leave you because you’re uncomfortable with trying his fantasy, however, it’s always going to be hanging out in the back of his mind. You have the opportunity to make his wildest fantasies come true and be a sex goddess in his eyes. If it’s not hurting anybody, why not? However, after giving the subject some deep thought, if you’re really and truly uncomfortable with it, don’t let your partner pressure you into anything you don’t want to do.

Going Through With It

If you’ve decided to try wearing a diaper for your partner, it’s going to seem very weird and strange at first. In fact, taking a trip down the “adult diaper” aisle may send shivers down your spine. But if you’ve thought about it and decided to try it, try to put your freaked out thoughts aside. Start slow though and don’t rush into it. Try purchasing a pack of diapers for yourself and checking them out when your partner’s not around so you don’t feel any pressure to like them. Put one on and see how it feels. If you try a diaper for the first time in front of your partner and aren’t at all comfortable with it, your partner may feel hurt or betrayed when you rip the diaper off, throw it in the trash and get as far away from it as possible. Trying diapers out by yourself allows you to form your own judgements without the pressure of having your partner waiting with bated breath for your reaction. If you’ve gotten that far and aren’t thoroughly wierded out, try wearing a diaper on your next date. Surprise him by leaning over and whispering to him, “Guess what I’m wearing underneath my pants?” Let him feel the crinkle of the diaper for himself. You would be amazed at how turned on he’ll get if diapers are truly his deepest, darkest fantasy!

It Goes Both Ways

Sex fantasies and fetishes are often harmless if they happen between two consenting adults and no one is getting hurt. However, if you try his diaper loving fantasy, it’s only fair that he try one of your fantasies. You may not have any deep, dark, secret sex fantasies but for example, if bondage is really your thing and it’s not his, it’s only fair that he play along. Try setting up a fantasy box where each of you can put in your own fantasies, wants and desires for sex. Pull out a fantasy whenever you and your partner want to do something fun. It could be your fantasy that ends up getting pulled out or it could be his!

Q&A: I Feel Guilty Being Naked. Please Help!

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 20 May 2010 01:01:05 +0000

Sexual guilt comes in many forms. Some people feel guilty about having sex if they’re not married, and others feel guilty about being naked with their partners after sex. Being naked is natural, and something beautiful you can share with your partner and only with your partner. Here’s how you can get over your post-nookie nervousness.

Question: I’m in a relationship with a boy that I’m completely crazy about. We were both each other’s first and our sex life is great. What I do have a problem with is post-sex guilt about him seeing me naked. I know that he thinks I’m beautiful and loves me, and we’re both having fun while we’re having sex, but I can’t help but feel guilty afterwards because no one else has ever seen me completely naked before. Can you give me some advice? Thanks (and I love your videos).

–YouTube Viewer

You’re Perfect The Way You Are

No two people are created alike. Everyone is created differently, with different features and body types. Everyone is perfect and special just the way they are because there is absolutely no one that is exactly like them. Unfortunately, when it comes to being comfortable with your own body, saying is easier than believing. Many people are afraid of being naked and feel that they aren’t good enough, beautiful enough or thin enough. They are constantly comparing themselves to models and celebrities, because unfortunately society suggests that this is what is considered “beautiful.” You may not look like a celebrity or model, but you’re absolutely beautiful because you’re you.

Religious And Moral Suppression

Many religions shun nudity, or believe that being naked is “dirty.” Even though nudity with your partner is obviously allowed after marriage, a person may still carry guilt about being naked from when they were younger. Many parents will yell and get upset if their children see them naked or happen to walk in on them having sex. Many parents don’t teach their children about the beauty of the naked body or won’t allow their children and teens to view nudity at all in any form, and end up teaching their child that being naked is something that is shameful. This will often affect a relationship negatively, because it’s difficult to truly get close to your partner when you’ve been subjected to that kind of sexual repression.

Learn To Be Comfortable With Yourself

It’s time to learn to be comfortable with your own body and learn to love yourself and feel beautiful in your own skin every day. Practice standing in the mirror naked every day and find something about your body that you really like. Even if it’s something small, such as the color of your skin in the sunlight or the shape of your breasts. Find something different to like every day. You can also start a gratitude journal, where every day you write five things you love about your body. You can also write about why it’s okay to be naked, or what you like about being naked. Try spending time with your partner in the nude without having sex, such as watching a movie naked or just lying next to each other and talking without your clothes on. All of these activities will help you to become more comfortable with your own body and being naked.

Q&A: BDSM and Fetishes – When Your Fantasies Don’t Line Up

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 14:22:26 +0000

Everyone’s sexual fetishes are unique, and it’s not uncommon for two people who like very different things to be in a relationship together. Can you and your partner find sexual satisfaction together and bond sexually when you both like completely different things in the bedroom? Here’s how.

Question: I am currently going out with someone that likes BDSM and cross-dressing, some humiliation as well. The problem is as much as I love him and would like to please his every desire, I just dont seem to be able to understand the deal with BDSM or humiliation. I’m not into it. He doesn’t want me to do these things if I’m not into them. He says he loves me and doesn’t mind being with me, even if I cant seem to get into his fetishes.

–YouTube Viewer

Have You Tried It? You Might Like It!

If you partner has a fantasy or fetish that you don’t seem to be interested in, such as BDSM, bondage or humiliation, steering clear of these in the bedroom is going to make you more comfortable sexually. However, if you haven’t tried it with your partner, you might consider some light bondage next time you and your partner have sex. Your partner will really enjoy anything that relates to their fantasy and you might find that you like it! Don’t try anything you’re super uncomfortable with, but trying new things in the bedroom isn’t a bad idea.

Be True To Who You Are

If you’ve tried to share your partner’s fantasies and fetishes and just can’t seem to get into them, don’t force yourself to do things that you don’t like. If you don’t like it, you don’t like it and it’s important that you be true to who you are. It’s also important that your partner is true to who they are and if they like something, it’s essential not to criticize them about it. While you don’t have to be a part of it if you’re not comfortable with it, it’s important to allow your partner to be themselves. Being unable to find sexual satisfaction together because you both like different things in the bedroom may cause issues later on in your relationship but if they’re not bothering you or your partner now, relax and let it go. You can cross that bridge when (or if) you get there.

Find Fantasies That You Do Share

Try to find some fantasies that you and your partner both like. If you and your partner think you’re totally sexually incompatible together, you might be surprised that there are a few things that you both actually have in common. But you won’t know unless you try! Talk to your partner and be open and honest with them about what turns you on and what doesn’t. Listen to them openly about what they like or don’t like. Browse adult toys online, or even adult videos that might interest you both. Just because you aren’t into his fantasies doesn’t mean you can’t find something that you both really enjoy!

Q&A: Are Sexual Fetishes Weird?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 14:00:58 +0000

People with sexual fetishes or certain sexual fantasies are constantly asking themselves if their preferences are considered “normal,” or if they are strange and weird for having said fetish or obsession. There are a variety of sexual fetishes and fantasies out there – how do you know if yours is “normal?”

Question: Is it weird to get turned on by strange things, like fetishes and stuff? Like, there are some things I enjoy which a normal person would hate or find painful or embarrassing. Is this normal?

–YouTube Viewer

Define “Normal”

Fortunately for human beings, “normal” is relative. What is considered normal and what isn’t is based on each person’s belief system, morals and point of view. There is no concrete “this is normal and this isn’t,” because it is different for everybody. Unfortunately though, it is a common belief that one person’s view of what is normal and what isn’t must be forced on everyone else. It’s time to shake that belief, and realize that one person’s definition of what is normal or weird is going to be different from everyone else’s. It’s time to embrace our diversity and focus on our own beliefs and actions instead of dictating everyone else’s.

What Is A Fetish?

A fetish, as defined by UrbanDictionary.com, is considered a sexual obsession with a usually non-sexual object. Many people have a “shoe fetish” or a sexual obsession with shoes. Some people have a specific fetish for high heels only, while some people are turned on by shoes of all kinds. Other people may like fur, armpit or leg hair, or may be exceptionally turned on by different types of scents. Whatever your fetish is, this object generally will heighten sexual pleasure and may even be required during sex to acheive sexual release. Some fetishes, such as pedophilia and bestiality to name a few, do cross the line, so there are a few ways to tell if your sexual obsession goes too far or not.

Informed Consent Is What Makes The Difference

Regardless of what your fetish is, it must meet a few criteria for it to be considered “okay.” And by “okay,” we mean legal. Each person involved must be an adult (as in over 18) and must be able to and have given informed consent to whatever will happen. Informed consent can’t be given by children, animals or those mentally unable to make informed decisions such as people who are very intoxicated or have a mental handicap. It’s also a good idea if no one gets seriously hurt, although some sexual obsessions such as biting, piercing and bloodletting could be viewed by others as being “serious,” while if done safely pose very little harm at all. When experimenting with fetishes, always use a safe word and if someone wants to stop, STOP! If everyone involved is an adult and has made the informed decision to participate, and as long as no one gets seriously hurt, you can relax. Your fetish may seem “strange” to others but if it works for you, go for it!

Q&A: What Is Your Opinion On Fetishes And Bestiality?

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 14:00:54 +0000

Fetishes and fantasies are everwhere, and it seems like almost everyone has their own fetish or fantasy that turns them on. Some people have more than one, but the majority of these fetishes are fairly tame, such as a blindfold in the bedroom, handcuffs or even a little hardcore BDSM. Some fantasies fall outside the “norm” though, and it can be difficult to know where to draw the line. Does bestiality cross that line?

Question: What are your opinions on certain fetishes like furries and bestiality?

–YouTube Viewer

When It Doesn’t Cross The Line

There are lots of fetishes and fantasies that don’t cross the line. For example, shoe fetishes, smoking fetishes, lingerie fetishes…the list goes on and on. It would be impossible to name every single fetish out there, especially since new ones are being discovered almost every day. So how can you determine if your fantasy is kosher? The golden rule here is that as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult and can make an informed decision about being involved, and as long as no one is getting seriously hurt, you’re good to go. Which begs the question, when does a fetish or fantasy cross the line?

When It Crosses The Line

The golden rule applies here too. If someone involved in the activity isn’t a consenting adult and is not able to make an informed decision, you need to find another way to play. This includes kids, animals, people who are too intoxicated or people who are otherwise impaired and do not have the ability to make an informed decision about being involved in a certain activity. So does bestiality fall into this category? Absolutely. Animals cannot answer for themselves whether they want to be involved in an activity and anyone’s best guess is that they don’t and they are quite frankly, unwilling participants.

Are Bizarre Fetishes Wrong?

Not necessarily. While pedophilia and bestiality do indeed cross the line, there are a great deal of “bizarre” fetishes that actually don’t. Urophilia (also known as a golden shower or being urinated on or urinating on someone else), and klismaphilia (the practice of giving or receiving enemas for sexual gratification) are among many of the so-called “bizarre” or “weird” fetishes out there that do absolutely no harm as long as only consenting adults are involved.

If Your Fantasy Goes Too Far…

If your fetish crosses the line, get some help. Don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor or a counselor about it. They can help you find other ways to satisfy your sexual needs without hurting or taking advantage of others, including animals. If your fetish is just plain strange but doesn’t hurt anyone and everyone involved is an adult that is cool with it, go for it! Have fun and enjoy your fantasy. As long as you follow the golden rule, it’s no one else’s business what goes on behind closed doors. On that same token, don’t judge others for their fetishes or fantasies that might seem strange to you – as long as you follow the golden rule.

Best BDSM And Kink Articles Of 2009

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 14:00:15 +0000

Kink, bondage, cuckold fantasies, cross dressing – you name it, it’s out there. Everyone likes something different in the bedroom, whether it’s traditional, vanilla sex, light bondage or something totally extreme. Our motto is as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult and no one is getting hurt, it’s all good! This year, questions about bondage, BDSM and kink came in from all over the globe and we answered the questions you were asking about everything from watching your woman have sex with another man to a husband who wants to videotape his wife having sex with a donkey. No, we weren’t afraid to “go there!” Check out some of our best, no-holds barred BDSM and kink articles from 2009.

Cuckold Fantasy: My Wife With Another Man – Why Do I Like It? (Video)

How Do I Introduce BDSM To My Boyfriend? (Video)

Is Cross Dressing A Turn Off To Women? (Video)

Asexual Wanting BDSM But Not Sex – Is It The Medication? (Video)

Help! My Boyfriend Wants To Be Tied Up! (Video)

My Husband Wants Me To Have Sex With A Donkey (Video)

Is My Foot Fetish Weird? (Video)

Are My Sexual Fetishes And Kinky Fantasies Bad? (Video)

What’s Your Safe Word? How to Get Off Without Getting Hurt

Sexual Fetishes – Is My Smoking Fetish Weird? (Video)

Sick Or Sexy – When He’s Daddy In The Bedroom

Paul Carlson — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 14:42:27 +0000

Everyone has their own kinks and fantasies that they like to play out in the bedroom. Whether it’s simple, missionary on top sex, or really kinky BDSM, everyone has something they like and enjoy doing when it comes to their own sexual satisfaction. Many people enjoy talking dirty, or roleplaying in the bedroom, but is there ever a point where this can go too far?

What happens when we start carry those term of endearment into the bedroom? Watch this video to find out if it’s normal to call each other ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy,’ even when the kids aren’t around.

Using “Mommy” And “Daddy” To Refer To Your Partner

Lots of parents call each other “Mommy” or “Daddy” in front of the kids, and sometimes when they’re alone just out of habit. This is a completely normal part of parental life, especially if you’re teaching very little ones what to call your partner. If you refer to your partner as “Jeff” all the time, but ask your little one to call him “Daddy,” she might get confused. It can definitely help teach little ones if you and your partner call each other “Mommy” and “Daddy” too. But is there ever a point where these terms of endearment aren’t normal?

Using “Mommy” And “Daddy” In The Bedroom

It may be out of habit, or it may be a bit of fun roleplaying, but sometimes the terms “Mommy” and “Daddy” get carried away in the bedroom. Some people even like to roleplay with those terms, with “Mommy” punishing her bad boy, or her partner asking, “Who’s your Daddy?” This may seem strange, or even sick, but it’s just part of roleplaying. If both partners are into it, and both partners are comfortable and emotionally mature enough to realize that it is just a roleplaying game, there’s certainly nothing wrong with it, just as there is nothing wrong with playing “teacher” in the bedroom, or “french maid.” As long as everyone involved is having fun and isn’t getting hurt, there’s no reason to think there’s something “wrong” with you. If someone becomes uncomfortable, find a new game to play. It’s as simple as that.

When It Crosses The Line

There is a point where being “Mommy” in the bedroom (or being “Daddy” for that matter) can cross the line. If you’re playing “Mommy” and your partner is thinking of his own mother, there are some psychological issues there that probably need to be addressed. Although, your partner is the only one that will ever know that, so it’s up to him to seek help if he finds that he’s having these kids of issues. Also, if being “Daddy” in the bedroom leads a man into psychological or physical abuse of his own children because he’s so into it, that is definitely a call for professional help. Other than that, it’s very hard for two, emotionally mature, consenting adults to make roleplaying “Mommy” and “Daddy” in the bedroom go too far. So what do you think? Is it sick or sexy?

Cuckold Fantasy: My Wife With Another Man – Why Do I Like It?

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 01:00:28 +0000

Everyone has a secret sex fantasy – what’s yours? Maybe you have a shoe fetish, or perhaps you enjoy BDSM or biting. What is considered outside the norm for you? What if you like watching your wife get banged by another man and really enjoy it? Is this considered abnormal? Should you stop indulging in your fantasy? Here’s what you want to know about 2 guy, 1 girl threesomes and more.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Cuckold question: I like watching my wife get banged by a well endowed man. I love watching her climax in ways she doesn’t with me. Is this TOO weird?

–John, IN

Who Gets To Determine What Is Normal?

First of all, what is considered “normal” in this society? There are so many varieties of people with different cultures and different backgrounds who all do things a little bit differently that it’s practically impossible for anyone to determine a baseline of what is considered “normal” or “abnormal.” With that said, people might think your fantasy is weird if you share it with them, but what about those guys who like wearing women’s underwear – do you think that’s weird? Everyone’s own fantasy or fetish isn’t considered strange to them, but other people’s fantasies are labeled “weird” or “abnormal.” It’s all subjective, so worry less about what is “normal” and what isn’t and focus more on how to get what you and your partner both want in a sexually healthy relationship.

Confidence In Your Sexuality And Masculinity

If you enjoy watching your wife have sex with another man and are genuinely cool with it, you deserve some kudos! While involving other women with their wife in a 2-girl, 1 guy threesome is a typical man’s fantasy, the tables often get turned when a woman suggests bringing another man into the equation. Most men are too self conscious, too jealous and too insecure with themselves to really enjoy watching their partner be with another person sexually. If you’re not bothered by watching your wife become sexually intimate with another man and truly enjoy watching her be pleasured in this way, it speaks volumes about your confidence in yourself and your masculinity.

Have Fun!

The best way to judge if your sexual fantasy or fetish is “crossing” the line is to ask yourself the basic question – does it involve only consenting adults? Is everyone comfortable with what is going on? If so, have fun! As long as you and everyone involved can legally consent to sexual activity and no one is being harmed or doing something they’re uncomfortable doing, there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying your sexual fetish or fantasy. Make sure your relationship with your partner stays strong and healthy, and communicate with them regularly about what you like, what she likes and what the third person likes during sex. If any hard feelings come up, talk to your partner about them. If you have any suggestions about what would turn you on more, or if your partner has any suggestions about what would turn them on more, it’s important to keep an open line of communication going when it comes to your sex life. The biggest reason that threesome fantasies crumble is that partners have a breakdown in communication – enjoy yourself and talk to your partner often for a healthy and happy sex life!

Is Cross Dressing A Turn Off To Women?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 22:00:37 +0000

Cross dressing isn’t something that’s a totally foreign concept to women, but not many of them have dated a guy that likes to cross dress. Does that mean cross dressing is a turn off to women, or do some women enjoy cross dressing? Or do still other women just not mind it? Here’s what you want to know about how women feel about cross dressing dudes.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have a fetish for cross dressing. I like dressing up in sexy lingerie, but I don’t go out in public or anything. Are the any women out there who are open enough to consider this a normal part of a healthy sex life? I also like the idea of dressing up as a French maid and submitting myself to the lady of the manner….

–Jonathan, FL

Some Like It, Some Don’t

Many women aren’t going to be turned on by men who enjoy cross dressing – it’s just fact. While some women don’t mind it, some are going to be turned off by it. That doesn’t mean you have to give up what you enjoy though! There are women who enjoy cross dressing themselves, and who enjoy being with men who like to cross dress. There’s someone for everyone, no matter what your fetish or fantasy is. You just have to find them!

Where To Look

Okay, so popping over to the bookstore might help you meet a nice girl, it’s not likely to be the best place to meet someone who either won’t mind your cross dressing or someone who might even share your fetish with you. There are, however, lots of good places online to meet people who share your interests or similar interests to yours! Browse through online dating websites or online fetish websites where you can specify your interest in cross dressing before you even meet someone. It’s refreshing to know right off the bat that someone who shows interest in you through these websites know that you enjoy cross dressing and either like it or don’t have a problem with it.

How To Tell Someone Who Doesn’t Know

What if you’re already involved with someone or are dating someone who doesn’t know that you like to cross dress but you would like to share this fetish with them? This can be a tricky situation, but it’s definitely not an impossible one. Don’t have a “sit down” talk with them. This can be uncomfortable and will put your partner on the spot, and it can be especially awkward if they don’t react to your cross dressing in the way you expected. Try introducing it slowly. Buy a silky robe and see if your partner likes the feel of it on you. Try wearing her panties to bed and see what she thinks – if she doesn’t like it, you can always play it off as having fun. If she does, visit a lingerie shop with her, and pick out fun, sexy lingerie for both of you. Sharing your cross dressing with her slowly can help warm her up to the idea, and then you can begin to share your fantasies with her!

No matter what your fetish or fantasy is, it’s important to have someone you can share it with. Don’t judge other people and don’t let them judge you – to each his own and there’s always someone out there for everybody!

Eight Steps To Bringing A Shy Guy Out Of His Shell

Dr. Diana Kirschner — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 21:58:39 +0000

It’s enough to drive you crazy. There is this hottie—a Brad Pitt look-a-like you met online, in the office, sandwich shop or gym. He is to-die-for and seems to be friendly, but has very few words to share. And he never seems to put any moves on you. Yet you have such a thing for him! You keep checking his Facebook page, wondering what is up. What’s a girl to do?

Eight Steps To Bringing A Shy Guy Out Of His Shell

Well, here are eight tips, adapted from my new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, designed to bring that shy hottie out of his shell:

1. See him when he is in his element.
If he plays sports, go watch. Be there as he finishes a marathon. If he is giving a talk, try to arrange to be in the audience. When a shy guy is in his element he will be at the height of his charisma and self-confidence. Bottom line: he will be feeling empowered and desirable. And this means he will feel free to make a move on you if he is really interested.

2. Praise him.
Notice something about him or what he is doing that you really like and praise it with a specific and sincere compliment. –i.e., That blog you wrote about going to Sicily was hysterically funny and made me want to go! This builds his self-esteem and will get him to share more about the topic. Validation may even get him to show off a bit for you.

3. Use his name & make up a sizzlin’ nickname for him.
This indicates that you are noticing him and that he is important to you. He will bond more quickly with you when you use his name. Also, choose a complimentary nickname based on one of his qualities that you admire. For example, if he is into cycling, call him “Lance B.” This will get him to laugh and open up with you about his cycling experiences.

4. Ask open-ended questions.
Good examples are, “How did you get interested in (your job)?” “What brought you to live in the city?” “How do you manage to train for a triathlon when you work full-time?” These kinds of questions help a shy hottie to share and open up. And your being a good listener will allow him to feel known and comfortable being real with you.

5. Ask for help.
Men love to help women. It is biologically wired that way! Ask him to fix your computer, your car, your bike, your door—you name it. He will enjoy coming through for you and feel much more connected to you. When he is in the “helper” role he is also much more likely to share his knowledge with you.

6. Ask what he likes to eat or what sports, hobbies, or movies he likes. Once you find something in common, ask him if he’d like to do it some time.
Shy guys, even the gorgeous variety, can be very interested in you, but petrified to make the first move. It is easy to open the door to a common interest by asking about food, hobbies or other fun activities. When you hit on something you both love, you can make the first move and ask about doing the activity together. An invite based on a common interest is a good litmus test that will show if he is interested in you or not. If he does not take you up on your offer, chances are pretty high that he is not into you.

7. Say you’d like to see him again.
This is an easy, non-threatening way to show that you are interested in him. If he responds positively, by smiling, nodding or saying “yes” he may be feeling some attraction to you. At that point, make sure he has your contact information!

8. Give Him a Little Neck or Back Massage.
Making physical contact actually releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone. A mini-massage also will relax him so that he’ll be less up-tight and fearful. In addition, making physical contact often opens the door for the guy to respond in kind. He might make an affectionate gesture towards you, hold your hand, put his arm around you or even kiss you.

Here’s the bottom line: with a shy hottie you have to be more proactive and flirtatious, take the lead more often and maybe even give the first kiss. Keep in mind, however, that he needs to be responding very positively to each of your moves. If he doesn’t, end the relationship, because you don’t want to be stuck in a fantasy where you are crazy about someone who is truly not into you. Remember, if this guy does not work out, there are plenty of others. Learn more about busting through shyness and finding, attracting and dating terrific men in Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.

Shoe Fetish – How Can I Find A Partner To Enjoy It With Me?

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 13:15:28 +0000

Many people have fetishes, whatever they may be. Some of the most common fetishes, however, are bondage and shoe fetishes. If you have a shoe fetish or another type of fetish, it might seem daunting to try to find a partner to enjoy your fetish with, but with a little searching, you can definitely find someone who likes shoes – or anything else – as much as you do.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I love shoes — I mean, I really love shoes. Some people might say I have a sexual fetish with them. How can I find someone that loves shoes as much as I do?

–Richard, New York

Finding A Partner That Shares Your Fetish

While it may not be particularly easy to find a partner that you enjoy sharing your fetish with, it’s definitely not impossible. There are several ways to meet someone that likes what you like!

While you can search your local newspaper ads or even just visit places that people that share your fetish would visit – such as shoe stores – one of the easiest and most versatile ways to find someone that you can enjoy your fetish with is online.

There are a number of websites you can visit, or you can simply do a search to find websites that cater to your particular type of fetish. Browse around a few of them and you might be surprised – through forums, message boards or straight up personals, you can find someone that enjoys your fetish as much as you do!

You can also try searching through traditional websites, such as Craigslist or other similar websites for personal ads – or try putting up your own personal ad! You might not meet someone to enjoy your fetish with you right away, but with time and persistence, it’s possible that you’ll meet a partner that you really enjoy spending time with in and outside of your fetish.

Introducing Your Fetish

If you meet someone to share your fetish with online, especially if it’s through a fetish website, breaking the ice about your fetish isn’t difficult at all – in fact, it’s what brought you together!

However, you may find someone you’re interested in that you’ve met outside of your fetish. Breaking the ice about your fetish should be done slowly and carefully – you wouldn’t want to scare your partner away!

If you have a shoe fetish, you could start by going shoe shopping with your partner and trying on shoes together. Let them know what you think looks good! If you have a bondage fetish, try introducing a pair of fuzzy handcuffs or a tie in the bedroom.

By working your way up, you can make sure that you don’t scare your partner away from your fetish (or you) and you can help your partner to learn to enjoy your fetish as much as you do!

If you have a fetish, no matter how strange or unusual it is, it’s nice to be able to share that with someone you enjoy spending time with. As long as you’re not harming anyone and everyone involved is a consenting adult, let yourself have fun and open up to others who enjoy your fetish as well!

You might find that you meet someone truly special that you share a connection with both in and out of your particular fetish!

What ME a Sex Addict?

Melody Brooke — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 13:09:49 +0000

Only a few of us think that the way we participate in sexual activity is addictive, but often the beginnings of sexual addictions show up in covert ways that we may miss if we are not attentive.

I just spent three days at a symposium on addiction and the speakers there reminded me of just how ubiquitous sexual additions are in our society.

Most of the time I tend to think of men as the ones harboring secret sexual addictions but, of course, women are just as subject to sexual addictions as men. We really are not that different, are we?

The Truth About Sexual Addiction

Strangely, most sexual addictions have little to do with sex, other than the fact that the behaviors take place in the context of sexuality. Exhibitionism is really about wanting to feel the power of having shocked someone. Pornography is about fantasy.

Most of the others, like sadomasochistic fetishes are all about regaining a sense of power and control. Strangely enough, even the avoidance of sex can be a “addictive” behavior according to Maureen Canning of the Meadows Treatment Center.

As a wife who avoided sex over the course of many years of my previous marriages, this one got my attention. I was, as many women are, quite able to enjoy a courtship and “honeymoon” phase of an active and athletic sex life during the beginning phases of my relationships.

But, as the relationship moved out of the fantasy stage and into the reality of a real, day to day set of interactions, sex disappeared. It didn’t disappear because my husband wasn’t interested. No, it disappeared because I became angry and disgusted with his continuing to be happy with sex as the lifeblood of our relationship.

Once we were married I think I expected our relationship to magically blossom into a real intimate connection. Never mind that I had no clue how to do that. But I was certain it was my husband’s fault because HE was such an angry, avoidant, workaholic.

Certainly I was the innocent victim of his deliberate withholding of time, attention and kindness. So, I withheld sexual contact from him because I was so angry with him. I never thought of it as being addictive behavior.

But if you re-frame how you think about what addiction is, you can easily see how it really is an addictive process. As Maureen Canning says, most sexual addiction is really about power and control.

I was clearly attempting to get a sense of power in the relationship by moving into the Self-Protective withdrawal position. I put up barriers to prevent myself from feeling vulnerable to his angry, avoidant behaviors. I did this in an attempt to get power and control over feeling like his Victim…

Sexual Anorexia

How many wives do this? I asked Maureen if she new of any other resources for information about this form of addiction she calls “Sexual Anorexia” and she directed me to a book by Patrick Carnes. I have not yet gotten a copy of the book but I do think it’s fascinating.

A lot of unhappy husbands will probably relate to this scenario. Maureen talked about the “offending” quality of this behavior. I have to admit I never would have thought of myself as doing any “offending” by this behavior, but I was clearly damaging my relationship.

The word offending does bring up legal or even criminal meaning, but one simple definition is “wrong”. And it was indeed “wrong” of me to withhold sex in order to meet my own power and control needs.

But don’t you offending men take heart at this either, because addictive relationships generally require two addicts. The partners to the Sexual Anorexic are obviously the “Co-dependant” in the relationship and just as addicted in their own way. One partner is generally a “Sex Addict” and the other is the “Sexual Anorexic”. Both are just opposite ends of the spectrum from the other.

The more classic “Sex Addict” is the one who gets a sense of power and control by engaging in some form of sexual activity. Of course, the sex act itself is mood enhancing and can be a way to alter an unhappy mood.

Where Is The Real Problem?

Sex is not meant to be about power and control or even mood enhancing. Sex is supposed to be intimate, passionate play with your partner. Any other covert use for it is “wrong” or “offensive”. If passionate play is not how either of you experience your sexual relationship, then there is a problem.

So What Do You Do If You Are Using Sex Addictively?

First of all you have to just recognize that you are using sex (or your sexual power as in Sexual Anorexia) in a way that is harmful to your relationship. Once you recognize what you are doing you have to stop the offensive behavior and deal with the feelings that are buried underneath the behavior.

This can be a simple but uncomfortable process, or it can be a complex and debilitating one. If you begin the process of eliminating your sexual addictive behaviors and find yourself feeling overwhelmed. Don’t hesitate to call a professional because, like any addiction, if it is severe enough it can be life threatening.

No joke, the feelings underneath the sexual addictions can be very intense and lead to severe withdrawal symptoms. Take care of yourself as you open your eyes to how you may have been unwittingly causing harm to your relationship.

Is My Foot Fetish Weird?

Paul Carlson — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 22:05:04 +0000

Many people have fetishes. In fact, most people do. Many men have breast or butt fetishes, although those aren’t considered weird because most guys like breasts and butts.

Other fetishes, such as foot fetishes or back fetishes may be considered strange because the majority of people don’t have these types of fetishes.

Does that mean you’re not normal? How do you tell your partner about the fetish you enjoy?

Is my foot fetish really weird?

You’re not hurting anyone, are you?

You’d be surprised at how many men do actually have foot fetishes. While it’s not the majority by any means, if you have a foot fetish, you’re certainly not alone! Foot fetishes aren’t wrong, bad or weird at all, although some people are going to think they are because your fetish is different from theirs.

That’s okay. People are entitled to their own feelings but they’re also entitled to their own fetishes. It’s a live and let live sort of situation. If your fetish isn’t hurting anyone, namely yourself or your partner, it’s perfectly fine.

There are really only a few simple guidelines to tell if your fetish is something that you should be concerned about. You don’t want to hurt anyone, you don’t want it to be illegal and it should always be between two consenting adults. If you’ve covered all your bases, your fetish is probably fine. If you’re really that worried, see a sex therapist. Otherwise, enjoy your fetish!

Getting your partner to participate.

This is where it can be tricky. If you come right out and tell your partner that you have a foot fetish or other type of fetish, it can turn them off immediately.

That’s not necessarily because they won’t enjoy it, it’s just that society has programmed our brains to register immediately what society accepts as normal and what it doesn’t. These things have been drilled in since childhood, and it can be very difficult for some people to get past them.

Don’t give up.

Don’t give up though! If you have a foot fetish or other fetish, try introducing it to your partner without an introduction. Try massaging your partner’s feet slowly, kissing them and eventually licking them. At each stage, judge their response.

If they seem into it, have at it! If they seem to shy away, ask them how it feels. Are they too ticklish? You can also spread this out over a period of time, doing a little more each time you have an encounter with your partner.

This works well for other types of fetishes as well, including bondage or sadism and masochism. Just remember to make sure no one gets really hurt!

After you’ve kind of warmed your partner up to your fetish in an inadvertent way, you can talk to them about it. Don’t be afraid to be open and honest at this point, especially if they’ve been responsive to it.

Start by saying that you really enjoyed what happened and go from there. If your partner wasn’t responsive to it, now is the time to be honest and let them know that you really enjoy your fetish.

You and your partner might be able to make a compromise. You’d be surprised though. Your partner may end up having a fetish that you didn’t know about either!

Are You STILL Afraid Of Being Naked?

Brad Howard — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 15:44:22 +0000

Sheer terror. You know the EXACT moment I’m talking about.

You’ve just gotten your new woman into bed, the lights are out (thank GOD!), and you’ve been pleasuring her to no end… touching… teasing… kissing… the place is ON FIRE.

You gently slide between her legs.

She gaps… and pulls you in closer… with her hands rubbing up and down your body… over your arms… over your back… and all of the sudden… out of nowhere… you UNCOMFORTABLY think to yourself:

“Oh shit, she just felt my fat roll”

“Oh shit, she thinks my arms are too skinny, I think she felt bone”

And at that single moment, a PRIMAL fear comes over you… “What if she… STOPS?!?”

Guys really don’t think they need to work out

I have to confess, in reality, no guy ever REALLY thinks that they need to work out, exercise, or get in better shape until a woman sees them naked. Sure, it seems like its a good idea… you know, for better health and all.

But you take a guy that’s standing naked for the FIRST time in front of a woman that he’s had his eye on… that he NEVER THOUGHT that he could land… and the phrase “sense of urgency” starts to take on new meaning.

When it hits

Do you think that this might play a little havoc on your inner game? You betcha it does.I’ve talked to your women.

What women say

And here’s what they’ve said.

Number 1: Most men that are ashamed of their bodies tend to be more TIMID in bed. They tend to lay on top of women, instead of pulling back… letting her see ALL OF YOU… including the “action” of your pecker moving in and out.

Number 2: Every man that they’ve been with that gets in better shape becomes a MUCH better lover overall. The “man” and his “skills” are the same… but her perception changes… as well as…

Number 3: Men that are in shape can DO MORE for LONGER than their out of shape counterparts. Lifting, moving, throwing, thrusting, etc… you get the drift.

Think about this for a second. Ask yourself this question. Is my woman thinking about ME when she masturbates? (she’s likely not)

And if she is…

HOW would those thoughts change if I was now built like a Greek God?

Food for thought…

Getting the proper proportions is simply a matter of applying the number one physical attraction metric for men… The Adonis Index. To find out how to use the Adonis Index to generate subconscious physical attraction, visit the Adonis Effect website.

Are My Sexual Fetishes And Kinky Fantasies Bad?

Paul Carlson — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 13:46:16 +0000

Almost everyone has a sexual fetish or fantasy of some kind, but many people don’t like to admit it.

Society has put sort of a damper on being open and honest about what turns us on sexually, however, most of it is healthy and even natural.

Most fetishes and fantasies aside though, some of them can be dangerous or harmful. How do you know if what turns you on goes too far?

Are sexual fetishes bad?

Are fantasies healthy?

Healthy Fetishes and Fantasies

First, let’s distinguish between a fetish and a fantasy. A fetish is in part an obsession on one particular thing whereas a fantasy can incorporate several different sexual and non sexual elements.

You’ve probably heard of a fetish before, such as a foot fetish, and who hasn’t had a sexual or non sexual fantasy? You may, in fact, have both fetishes and fantasies. That’s perfectly normal. It only means that you’re human.

So what is a healthy fetish or fantasy? Well, there’s no “list” of what’s healthy and what’s not, so it’s something you need to determine yourself. Does your fetish or fantasy make you uncomfortable in any way?

Don’t use others’ reactions as a guide. Someone might find that a fetish for crotchless panties disgusting when there’s really no harm at all in enjoying crotchless panties. It’s really a classic example of “to each his own.”

What if your fetish or fantasy is a little more extreme than that? Do you like S&M pornography or do you enjoy biting or being bitten during sex? These are still relatively healthy and normal fetishes, although that is where it starts to get a little hairy.

When Does It Cross The Line?

Basically, it crosses the line when someone gets hurt and they don’t want to. Now, in S&M and some other fetishes and fantasies, people do get hurt a little.

It all boils down to consent. If all parties involved are consenting, there really is no harm in . . . well, a little harm. It does go too far though. If you’re really hurting someone and they don’t like it. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be “harmful.”

If any other person involved isn’t comfortable with what you’re doing, you’ve crossed the line. Back up a little and find another way to enjoy your fetishes and fantasies without harming someone or making them uncomfortable in any way.

That said, there are some fetishes or fantasies that might signal you need some help. If you have any questions about whether your fetishes and fantasies are normal, run it by a therapist or more specifically a sex therapist. Most fantasies are normal but in rare cases where someone might fantasize about really hurting someone else, it’s time to seek help.

If you’re worried that your fantasy or fetish isn’t normal, keep in mind that there’s a very wide range for what “normal” is. Some people fantasize about phone sex while others think feet are the most erotic thing in the world. Some women fantasize about a sexy pirate with rock hard abs sweeping them off their feet while others just want to spank their partners.

As long as everyone involved is comfortable and consenting, there is nothing wrong with indulging your fetishes and fantasies! Remember that everyone is different and unless someone is getting hurt or is uncomfortable, or you are fantasizing about really hurting someone, just enjoy the ride!

Sexual Fetishes – Is My Smoking Fetish Weird?

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 14:00:08 +0000

Everyone has different turn-ons, ranging from turn-ons that seem relatively mild to turn-ons that seem to be completely out there and fetishistic.

How do you know if what turns you on is normal or not? Should you continue to do what turns you on, even if other people think it’s weird?

Many people have these same questions and are wondering what to do about their turn ons. What should you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m a 59 year old male and I have always found the sight of a woman smoking a cigarette to be very arousing. I am fortunate that my wife (an inveterate smoker) understands this and uses it to excite me but (the question is from both of us) is this weird? Have you heard of it before?

-Marty, Pennsylvania

Are your turn-ons normal?

Let’s take a look at normal for a moment… Human beings can’t really be considered normal. There is such a wide range of likes, dislikes, habits and more from person to person that you can’t really pin anything down and consider it “the norm.”

That said, what turns you on is probably just fine! Do you like it when women wear high heels? Do you like to wear the high heels yourself? Do you get turned on when women are smoking a cigarette? Go with it! As long as your turn-ons don’t involve harming other people or doing anything illegal in any way, your turn-ons are perfectly fine.

Enjoy and indulge in what gets you excited!

Don’t scrutinize yourself, or let others do so.

Although people are different in so many ways, that doesn’t stop them from judging others. Human beings have a bad habit of passing judgment on their neighbors when they themselves are doing something that would be considered “strange” by someone else’s standards.

Guess what? Everybody is different! Don’t let others try to tell you that you are weird or strange, unless your turn-ons include something that would cause harm to another or that is illegal. If not, then take comfort in the fact that the person judging you is most likely insecure themselves.

On the same token, don’t scrutinize yourself. If you think your own turn-ons are weird and they make you uncomfortable, don’t do anything about them. Chances are, however, that your turn-ons are perfectly fine to you and you should accept yourself for who you are.

Find someone to play with.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to find someone who likes to play the same way you do. Find someone who shares your interests and shares your turn-ons. If there are two of you who are turned on by the same thing, it will be more fun for you to both engage in what turns the other on! It’s a perfect give and take. It may take time and patience to find that special someone, but if you keep trying, you’ll end up winning out. You can then share all of your turn-ons with your partner, and enjoy them together.

Unless your turn-ons are dangerous, they’re fine for you. If they work for you, let them! Don’t worry so much. Everyone has their own quirks and way that they do things. Just be a good sport. If you don’t want others judging you for what turns you on, don’t judge them! You might meet someone who has a turn on that you think is weird, but remember someone else out there might think your turn on is weird too!

We’re all in the same boat. Accept your turn on and everyone else will too. What works for you might not work for someone else and vice versa, and that’s okay! Just enjoy yourself and your turn ons!

Is It Normal For a Virgin to Be Into BDSM?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 16 May 2008 13:43:17 +0000

As a virgin, it’s normal to find yourself turned on and sexually excited by many things, even if you’ve never actually had sexual intercourse.

What turns you on is going to be different from what turns someone else on, and it’s important to embrace diversity and celebrate your uniqueness!

Is there ever a point where something that turns you on would not be considered normal, especially if you’re a virgin?

Well, yes and no. It’s a complicated situation that needs a hard, honest look.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I found your website on YouTube. I think I am into BDSM or there may be something wrong with me. I believe I am more Sadistic than Masochistic though and I am still a virgin as is my boyfriend. He likes to be clawed and chained (yet to let me do that though) and when I scream in pain because I got hurt or something he gets a little excited. I have clawed him so bad I took chunks of skin out of his hips and when he screamed in pain I laughed at him.

The idea of burning, whipping, tying down, flogging, wrist/handcuffing, caging, and torturing him sounds fun. Is there something wrong with me?

Is it possible for a virgin to be into BDSM like this?

- Barbara, Missouri

Virgin Into BDSM

BDSM often refers to fetishes in general, although many use it to refer to the old S&M or sadism and masochism. Some people find themselves turned on by being possessive and powerful or submissive and this is usually completely natural.

Do you enjoy pain? Many people do. Why else are tattoos, piercings and other body modifications so popular? Lots of people enjoy receiving pain and even giving it, and it’s nothing new to interpret BDSM sexually, even if you are a virgin. There is no law that says that if you’ve never had sex that you can’t enjoy giving and receiving pain and being turned on by it sexually. It’s the same for young men that are turned on by their parent’s Playboy magazines. It is simply what turns you on.

Can you ever go too far?

It’s important to look at what is “too far” for you. If you’re adamant about staying a virgin, than yes, having sexual intercourse would be “too far.” You need to examine your beliefs and morals on your own and really look at them to determine what would be too far for you and your partner.

That said, with BDSM, it is possible to go too far with the giving and receiving of pain. Are you and your partner getting hurt? Are you engaging in dangerous activity that could cause infections or transmitted diseases? If so, you may want to look at toning it down a notch, especially if anything that you and your partner are doing is illegal. If you’re simply looking to put a little kink into your relationship, there’s generally no harm in that.

Are you normal?

Normal, by definition, is something that doesn’t really exist in humanity. Everyone is different. If your attraction to BDSM and fetishes feels normal to you, you most likely don’t have anything to worry about, especially if you and your partner’s actions aren’t hurting anyone.

If you find yourself really looking to hurt your partner, hurt yourself or hurt other people and you feel as though something is wrong with you, don’t be afraid to get help. Seek counseling in an atmosphere where you won’t feel judged.

Overall, most inclinations towards BDSM are normal and perfectly healthy, even if you are a virgin. If you do find yourself hurting your partner or allowing your partner to hurt you, it is important to stop and perhaps tone it down. Nobody needs to get hurt to have a some good, old fashioned S&M fun.

Remember play it safe! Have a code word that you or your partner can use if things get too rough. Once the code word is said, everything stops. If what you’re doing is safe and appealing to you, just have a good time and don’t worry about it!

Learn To Approach Any Woman Without Fear Of Rejection

Joseph Matthews — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 14:13:48 +0000

Knowing how to approach women is a vital skill every man needs to know, because approaching women is the first step in creating a relationship with the girl of your dreams…

You have to know how to approach a girl in the right manner if you want to have success with your pickup.

The following are some proven tips I’d recommend you do to help you be successful in meeting women! Remember a situation where you were going to approach a girl, and before you could even get a single word out, she freaked out and simply rejected you?

Know this – getting shot down has little to do with what you were going to say or what your intentions were. It’s all about how you go about actually approaching your target. It’s important to do this right the first time, because it’s hard to recover when you make a mistake right off the bat. The key to approaching women is to approach them in a NON-THREATENING manner that does not telegraph your interest.

This is known as “coming in under the radar.”

Understand: Most women have trained themselves to just REJECT men outright when they sense they are being picked up on. This is because women get hit on SO MUCH by men, they just don’t want to deal with yet another guy coming up and wasting their time.

But despite all this, the girl WILL be receptive to you if you know how to approach her in the RIGHT WAY.

So what’s the right way to approach a woman?

Act fast!

First – YOU MUST ACT FAST.

If you hesitate and let the opportunity pass you by, you’re never going to experience success. Giving yourself time to talk yourself out of approaching a girl will never get you
anywhere, so it’s important you act quickly and JUST DO IT.

Know what to say before you say it

Secondly, know what you’re going to start the conversation with BEFORE you approach the girl. This will make meeting women much easier because you don’t have to spend time
thinking of what to say before you feel comfortable walking up to meet her. When it comes to a situation like this, you should probably have a good, proven “pick up line” memorized that will help start a conversation.

But don’t confuse the term “pick up line” with sleazy saying like “Nice shoes, let’s have sex!” The goal here is to be NON-THREATENING, remember?

The best lines usually engage the girl in an innocent conversation. You can do so by asking her opinion on something and then following that up with more questions. When approaching a woman, it’s important that you approach her from an ANGLE. Most guys charge towards the girl they want to meet like they’re marching to war! Coming in at an angle is much less confrontational and will put the girl at ease on a subconscious level.

Practice, practice, practice

Remember: great pick ups can only happen when the girl is comfortable with you. That’s why it’s so important for YOU to feel comfortable when you’re talking to girls! If you’re not comfortable approaching women, the best way to overcome it is to go out there and start approaching women right away! After all, practice makes perfect, right?

The sad fact is, you’re not going to get good at approaching women if all you do is sit around reading about it and studying it like a test. If you want to get good and have success, you actually have to go out and DO IT so you can build your experience level. (The good news – it gets easier the more you do it!)

If you’re worried about being rejected, just look at it as a game. The ONLY thing you’re doing is approaching women. You’re not asking her out, you’re not trying to get her into
bed, your only goal is to carry on some type of conversation.

That’s all you need to do!

See how many girls you can talk to in one night, and keep trying to beat your score.

Using time constraints

One last note – try and use a “time constraint” whenever you approach a woman. This is as easy as saying you can only talk for a minute before you have to run.

Effective use of time constraints will better engage the woman you’re talking to, because she won’t feel that she’s committing to a time-consuming endeavor. Instead, you’re only a momentary “distraction.” This helps eliminate any reason to reject you right off the bat.

If the initial approach goes well and the conversation continues, she will eventually forget you said you can only talk for a “minute” and you can talk as long as you want. The whole point is just to get your “foot in the door.”

The dating game is a numbers game. The more women you’re able to meet, the greater your chances at finding a great girlfriend, and possibly even a future wife.

To find out more, sign up for Joseph Matthew’s free Meet Women Secrets newsletter for all the most recent tips and methods for meeting and seducing women.

7 Beliefs That Are Destroying Your Success With Women

Scott Patterson — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 18:03:08 +0000

I’m a big believer in self talk. Over the last couple of years, I’ve learned that the things we tell ourselves determine our outcomes. If you fill your mind with positive thoughts, then you’ll achieve quality results. On the other hand, when think pessimistically, you’ll end up with only negative outcomes.

There’s an expression that best sums up this outlook- “Garbage in, garbage out”

What this means is when you fill your mind with negative thoughts, you severely limit your success in life. The funny thing is we men use self-talk so much that it’s become a major part of our dating lives. We often “convince” ourselves that we’re not “worth” dating the truly desirable women.

Negative thoughts often take the form of a “Self-Limiting Belief”. The definition is simple- A self limiting belief is any sort of self-talk that limits your ability to achieve something.

It’s called “limiting”, because you literally limit your capacity to do well in life. And in the dating sense, a self-limiting belief is any thought that prevents you from succeeding with women.

In my experience, there are a number of beliefs that hold men back. In order to improve your success with women, it’s important that you identify these thoughts, then actively eliminate them.

Here are 7 of the most common self-limiting beliefs:

#1- “I want somebody to love the REAL me…”

I’m going to be honest here. Guys use this belief as an excuse to be lazy. Many secretly desire a change to their life, but don’t want to make any effort. So they think that coming up with some line about “being themselves” will somehow make them morally superior to the men who seek outside help.

The truth is, many guys require some guidance with meeting women. Don’t make an excuse about wanting a woman to love the “real you”. Instead, try to understand that life should be about constant improvement. If you want success with women, you need to get out there and find out what really attracts them.

#2- “Love will find me…Eventually”

I once heard a great story about a man who prays to God every day about winning the lottery. After weeks of having nothing happen, he finally screams at God and asks why his prayers go unanswered. Seconds later, he hears a booming voice that says: “Buy a lottery ticket!”

The belief that “love will find me eventually” is another excuse that limits your success. Don’t sit around waiting for the “dating lottery ticket” to arrive.

In order to improve your life, you must be willing to get out there and put yourself in a position to meet women. It won’t happen if you believe the woman of your dreams will magically show up with little to no effort on your part.

#3- “I’m not good-looking…”

This is one of my favorites! We men have it lucky in the dating game. While our attraction to a woman is built primarily on HER looks, they look for something completely different.

A woman’s attraction starts when she makes an emotional connection to a guy. Sure, looks are an important element. But, any guy can improve his conversation skills to the point where they can transcend a deficiency in his looks.

#4- “I never have anything interesting to say…”

Guys often let nervousness and anxiety affect their conversations with women. The end result is their mind goes blank and they have trouble thinking of things to say.

The truth is we ALL have interesting things to say! But sometimes, it takes a little coaxing to get them out.

A technique I recommend to my readers is to cultivate a unique personality through the art of storytelling. Women are strongly attracted to things like health, status, adventure, leadership, wealth, and preselection.

When you craft a story from your own life, with these traits in mind, you’ll have plenty of material to use when there’s a lull in the conversation.

#5- “Some guys are just naturally successful with women…”

This self limiting belief is another personal favorite. A lot of guys think there’s no way they can change their success with women. What they don’t know is this is an area of their life that is like any other skill. It involves a process that’s easily learnable and predictable.

Think of it this way. Everything you’ve learned in your life started out as something you didn’t know how to do. Only through learning and practicing were you able turn it into a skill.

Learning how to attract women is the same way! With the right kind of information, you can easily become proficient at meeting interesting girls.

#6- “I have no confidence around women”

A lack of confidence is common among single men. What’s unfortunate is this is the one quality that’s incredibly unattractive to women. So, in order to improve your success with women, you must overcome the notion that you can’t be confident when meeting a new girl.

Confidence comes from competence in a skill. In the last belief, I discussed how you can improve your success simply through learning and practice. As you work on your “dating skills”, you’ll discover it’s easy to dramatically improve your self-esteem. While you might feel that you lack confidence now, this is something that can be easily fixed through repeated success!

#7- “I’ll start tomorrow, or maybe next week…”

This belief is the creed of all serial procrastinators. Almost every single guy in the world feels he’s missing something in his life. Some might say they want to make a change. But most of the time, they’ll put off doing something about it.

If you want success with women, then it’s time to do something about it. Don’t delay. Do something right NOW! Even the simple step of writing down a plan of action can have a dramatic effect on your dating life. The only thing that’s holding you back is allowing limited thinking to prevent you from making a change!

Self limiting beliefs can restrict your success. When you allow negative thought patterns to be in control, the opportunities to date quality women will be quickly diminished.

Here’s some simple advice. ANY time you experience one of the negative thoughts I’ve just described, immediately challenge it! You’ll discover that the simple act of working through your self-talk will have an immediate effect on your success with women.

How to Get Over Shyness & Fear of Rejection to Get the Girl

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:20:33 +0000

If you’ve never had a crush on a girl or boy and have felt a little shy about asking them out – well, you’re not human.

Everyone has had their run-ins with “hard to get” guys and girls and sometimes asking them out is a heck of a lot easier said than done. If you’ve got someone special that you just can’t take your eyes off of but your lips seem glued together whenever they come around, we’ve got a few things that will make it a little less stressful for you to actually ask them out.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

There is a girl I love. But I am to shy to even talk to her and I want to ask her out but I don’t really now how.

– Georgis, Alberta

Recognize the Fear of Rejection and Kick It to the Curb

The biggest reason people don’t ask out their crushes is that they fear getting rejected. Rejection sucks. It hurts – everyone knows that. Sometimes it is difficult for people to grasp that rejection does not shape who they are and in no way does it put a sign on your forehead that says “not good enough.”

First and foremost, you need to know that you are okay just the way you are. Other people don’t decide that you’re okay – you do. You need to come to terms with the fact that you’re you and you’re fine how you are – no one can change that, rejection or no rejection. When you come to terms with that, you’ll be confident enough to approach anyone without the sweat beading up on your forehead and your knees turning into Jell-O.

Making the Approach

Almost every girl (or guy, really) will say, “No” if you walk up to them and introduce yourself by asking them out. Hard as it is to believe, that really is the way it works. Even the smoothest pick-up lines will not work.

So now that we’ve thrown your entire foundation for dating out the window, we’re going to share with you how to really pick up your crush.

Let them get to know you in a normal, pressure-free way.

You’ve heard about how people meet through being friends and it turns into this wonderful relationship, right? That’s honestly the best way to go about it – building a relationship on friendship creates bonds that last a long, long time. So let your crush get to know you before asking them out. Ask them for help or their opinion about something and strike up a conversation. When you’ve got a pretty good footing you can transition the friendship into something more.

Getting Rejected

Yes, rejection is a possibility. You need to know that a lot of the time, it has nothing to do with you. For example, if you approach your crush and they have just failed a test, broken up with their girlfriend or boyfriend or had some other mood altering life event, you’re probably going to get rejected and it won’t be your fault in the least.

It’s also okay if you are flat out rejected. Remember that part about you being okay no matter what? Play that card and you’ll feel a lot better. If you get rejected, nothing will happen. The floor won’t turn into a spinning vortex and suck you in, destroying your life as you know it. You’ll go home and everything will be the same as it was before you asked your crush out. So take the chance and keep trying until you find that special someone.

3 Quick Ways to Tell if You’re a Sexual Introvert

Rose Rivera — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 15:55:10 +0000

Just like your innate personality dictates whether or not you’re a “social butterfly” or a “shrinking violet“, the same is true for how you express your sexuality.

We’ve all heard the stereotypical tales of very reserved, shy people suddenly morphing into uncontrollable wildcats once the lights go out. Or seemingly confident, strong individuals turning into blushing, fumbling kittens in the heat of the moment.

Sexual introverts come in all varieties, and more often than not, it’s very difficult to spot them out. Someone who is sexually introverted may be very outgoing in other aspects of their lives, but tend to close themselves off when confronted with a sexual situation.

That doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy sex, or don’t want sex, but that it’s more difficult for them to relax and to let go of their inhibitions than it is for sexual extraverts.

Being able to relax and to let go are crucial to a healthy and satisfactory sex life, so helping a sexual introvert feel secure enough to open themselves up in front of someone else is an important task for their lovers.

This is particularly true if both people in a relationship are sexually introverted, because neither may possess the necessary skills to “bring out” the other’s sexual side.

Knowing if you or your partner is a sexual introvert is often very helpful. It might be the explanation you’ve been looking for to a whole slew of seemingly “strange” sexual behaviors.

(For example, you may wonder why your partner loves to read steamy erotica before bed, but then refuses your sexual advances once you’re in bed!)

You Might Be a Sexual Introvert If:

1. You Think About Sex All the Time…

But rarely actually have it. Sexual introverts enjoy thinking about sex – a lot. In fact, for many it becomes an interesting preoccupation and lifelong curiosity. Often times they know much more about sex (its cultural history, the bodily mechanics, etc.) than do most people, but their knowledge comes from books, movies, and conversations with others rather than from real life experiences.

2. You’ve Read the Entire Kama Sutra…

But still use the missionary position every time. It’s true, you’ve probably memorized every picture, read every sexual technique book there is, and can recite passages from your favorite erotic novel. But when it comes to having actual, physical sex with your partner it’s always “the same old, same old”.

3. You Have Very Detailed Sexual Fantasies…

But are usually disappointed when (and if) you try to act upon them. Often the imagined sexual scenarios that sexual introverts create in their minds are more powerful than “real life” experiences for them.

This is by no means the fault of their lovers. It’s just that their fantasies are continuously perfected, like works of erotic art only they can see.

Because of this, real sex is often disappointing, and over time sexual introverts learn to go through the motions of sex in order to appease their partners rather than to satisfy their own sexual desires. That’s why sex with them can become so routine.

How to Spice Things Up if Your Partner is a Sexual Introvert

If you are a sexual introvert, or suspect your partner to be one, there are ways to make your boring and/or routine sex life more interesting and comfortable.

Assuming that you’ve already gained their trust, and have moved past their initial emotional barriers, the first thing you have to remember is how cerebral sexual introverts are about sex.

If you’re going to spice things up, it has to be done in an intelligent way. Don’t expect them to become our proverbial “wildcat” mentioned earlier just because you suggest trying a new position.

They’ve probably imagined what that position would feel like a thousand times, and unless you have something that surprises them out of their fantasies, they’ll stay firmly within their imaginations the entire time you‘re having sex.

And therein lies the key to unlocking their true sexual selves – Surprise!

You are not their fantasy. They aren’t controlling your every move, so use that to your advantage. Every time you do something that they’re not expecting, something they haven’t thought of before, it jolts them back to reality.

Carefully planned sexual rendezvous and little bits of added flare, like a vibrator hidden in the corner, or a sudden well-timed spank, can help them to appreciate the actual experience of having sex, rather than relying on their imaginations to turn them on.

Once out of their normal routines, those introverted sexual feelings are much more likely to come to the surface and to make their way into your real sex lives – Making both people a lot more sexually satisfied.

5 Ways to Avoid Striking Out This Friday Night

David Wygant — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 15:28:24 +0000

Are You Tired of Striking Out Night After Night?

Most guys think that women like ‘bad’ boys so they try to portray this image and simply end up looking like a jerk. What a woman really wants is a man who will keep her interest, has great confidence, who is not afraid to stand out, and is not afraid to disagree with the status quo – A guy who is comfortable in his own skin…

Here’s a great article on approaching women from David Wygant, one of today’s most popular and successful dating coaches. David is not a ‘pick up artist’, but a real dating coach who offers good solid advice that actually works. In this article, he talks about some of the biggest mistakes that almost all men make when approaching women and how you can avoid them and actually capture her attention and create a real spark.

Most men think that they need a clever line to approach a woman, which in some cases may garner a reaction. But through all my years of coaching men and women I have found that it is not what you say that’s important, but how you approach.

Most women put more importance on visual clues to assess a man’s character. They don’t care what you say as long as you say it without hesitation and with authority. Unfortunately, most men don’t know this, so they walk over and approach a woman like a wounded animal expecting to be rejected.

When you approach like a wounded animal you will be rejected every single time no matter how clever of a line or remark you may have. Sound familiar?

With eighty percent of human interaction based on non-verbal body language, what is a man to do?

The key to impressing her right off the bat is you need to be different than all other men that are approaching her that evening in the bar or lounge. It is really competitive at night, and most women will start to lose interest in men after a few jerks have hit on them, so you need to learn to use a few of these tips to make you stand out from the crowd of drunk testosterone-laden men.

Here a few sure-fire ways to make your approach more powerful and convincing even if you are not sure what you are going to say:

1. When you see a woman that you are attracted to you need to walk right over.

Stand up straight and walk over slowly but with confidence. Make sure your chest is puffed out and your posture is looking strong and not slumped over. You need to keep eye contact as you approach so you do not spook her. You also need to walk directly over to her without any hesitation.

With practice, you will get comfortable doing this. Most men linger in the background like a scared animal for a period of time before they approach. When they finally do approach, the woman is quick to turn her back on him. The reason is he did not exude confidence.

Most women notice who is observing them. When you do not approach within seconds of spotting her you might as well go home and get your game on for another night or day.

2. When out on the town, avoid being seen with the drunken testosterone pack of males.

One of the biggest turn-offs for women is the “male pack” — you with five of your buddies high-fiving each other, drinking and checking out other women. Yes, women make note of this childlike behavior and when you approach them with your buddies waiting on the sideline they will impulsively reject you in front of the pack to avoid being scrutinized later. You need to break away from the male pack and find one other guy who is like you to go out on the town with.

Save the male bonding and excessive testosterone for a sports bar.

3. Dress in clothing that gives you a strong appearance.

Make sure you’re not sabotaging your efforts with your attire. Following the steps above will fall short of projecting great body language if you are wearing a pair of baggy khakis and ratty sneakers out at night. If you look like a slob it will not matter what your body language says because you will look like every other man who put no thought into what he was going to wear that night to attract women.

Start buying clothing that makes you stand out from the rest of the men. Find a cool pair of jeans and some great shirts that give you an edge so when you walk into a bar or lounge with the right body language women will see you. When you are dressed the part, women will give you a double take and follow your every move. Keep in mind shoes are really important too, so find a few pairs that look great on you.

4. After you walk over you need to create a spark within her.

Most men’s conversation will center on being agreeable and non-confrontational in the hope that she likes him. The key word here is “hope” — That is the mindset of the average man. They are so jazzed that she is actually speaking with him, so they play it safe and hope that she likes him.

In the mind of a woman, playing it safe equals boring!

So you need to spark her interest by being a bit disagreeable. For example, you get into the conversation about summer movies and she says that Spiderman III was her favorite Spidey movie so far. The typical male would agree with her even if his opinion is that the first Spiderman was superior. Instead of being agreeable, you would look her right in the eye with confidence and tell her that she is so wrong — the first Spiderman was superior. Then proceed to tell her why you think so. This will create a fun, friendly, flirtateous verbal sparring which will create a spark in her brain.

She will realize that you are not a pushover like most men and attraction will start to form in her head.

5. Maintain some tension after you meet.

Flirting with women is all about gathering information, so the better listener you are, the more you will know about her. So when you call her you will have many things to speak with her about. What I like to do is, before I call I think about everything she said and then I pick the most juicy topic or opinion and challenge her with it.

For example, going back to the example of Spiderman III, I would text her the next day and challenge her with this text:
I was thinking U & I need 2 re-watch Spiderman. U R so wrong. Name the time & place & I’ll bring the DVD.

By challenging her, you are bringing her back to a moment of tension that she shared with you. She will immediately respond to the challenge and text you back. You have just learned the secret of re-creating the tension that you shared with her plus you are being totally unlike every other guy who waits three days to call her and schedule a predictable dinner date.

The secret to capturing her attention and creating that spark is do not be like everyone else. Follow the above tips and you will become the alpha male that women desire.

Can Seduction and Pick Up Tactics Work for You?

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 08 Apr 2007 23:15:04 +0000

If you’re a guy, you’ve certainly heard of at least one seduction or “How to Pick Up Any Woman” product.

These products are typically DVD or CD programs that claim to show you the art of seducing a woman by using subtle yet effective seduction techniques to easily approach any woman without getting rejected.

While these techniques can be very effective, will they work for you?

Watch this short video to find out…

Leaving the Friend Zone – How to Actually Ask Her Out On a Date

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 13:00:29 +0000

At some point you’re going to have to make your move and depart the friend zone. Now, this may not be in the first minute or two, and maybe not even the first time you talk to her. The key here again is self confidence. You’ll also need a little patience.

Take your time and feel it out first. Don’t make her choose until you know she’s comfortable enough with you to give you a chance and you’re comfortable enough to take the chance.

Watch this short video to find out how to move out of the ‘Friend Zone’ and on to the next level.

Easily Meet The Hottest Women Anytime, Anywhere, and NEVER Worry About What To Say

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 19:24:03 +0000

If you’ve been around for a while, you know that we always suggest using extreme caution when applying seduction tactics.

Remember, she will get to know the real you eventually.

But if you really get stuck in those first few minutes and find yourself fumbling around like an idiot when you see a hot girl, then certain seduction techniques can help you get your foot in the door so that she will actually take the time to get to know the real you.

If you’d like to know exactly how to use the latest cutting edge seduction technology to make meeting even the hottest women, anytime, anywhere, as easy as hangin’ out with the guys, then keep reading…

This Is THE Breakthrough You’ve Been Waiting For!

By far the most popular item that we’ve seen has been a DVD product that tells you exactly how to seduce a woman – from the opening approach to the first few minutes of real conversation.

This DVD shows you EXACTLY what to say, and the 4 effective energetic "vibes", or pathways that make any of her responses turn into a YES for you.

Here’s just some of what you’ll find out in this start to finish seduction road map:

How to use the 4 different approach vibes in the proper combination and sequence, to ensure no matter WHAT your opening words are, the conversation will progress exactly as you want it.
How to get past all "compliment resistance" with the super-powered "Implied Compliment" method.
The exact different physical angles and approaches to use in different approach scenarios.
The "step back" principle; creating an interest "vacuum" to test her willingness, convey safety and power, and condition her from the very beginning to be the one coming after YOU!
Three magic words to make ANY opening lines 500% more effective.
Mastering the "put-on": how to instantly convert any observed situation or condition into a hilarious, fun, mega-icebreaker that she can’t resist.
The 6 Gold-Walk Up beliefs you must master and command to ensure your absolute pick-up mastery!
3 steps you MUST take before you make any approach to triple or quadruple your walk-up success.
The 90% rule to eliminate almost any pre-approach jitters.
The strategic use of pacing and pauses to create hypnotic response potential within the first 10-15 seconds!
Structured assignments and drills to build your walk-up skills.
An amazing new "boyfriend ignorer", the best I’ve ever used, that also includes word for word powerful hypnotic language that turns her "boyfriend" objection into a filter of desire, lust and need that she HAS to see you through!
The fabulous "Snack Quiz" and "Twin Brother Scenarios": here’s how to get them to actually sit down and easily and smoothly move right into powerful patterning language!

You’ll never get stuck again on where to move things forward with Speed Seduction® language, and you’ll watch as Ross Jeffries demonstrates the power of these scenarios on lovely, young Joannie, who is visibly turned on by the whole thing.

Listen… there’s an unlimited supply of incredible women waiting for you when you’ve learned these fantastic secrets that ensure you’ll never have to worry about what to say, ever, anymore, again!

So if you can relate to what we’re saying in this post, this is the best product we’ve found to date.

Don’t wait. Get your copy right now!

If you still have doubts, go check out Ross’s Speed Seduction website, where he’ll answer all of your questions like,

Does this stuff really work?
Will this work on older women? Younger women? Beautiful women?
Can I use this to get that one special girl I’ve always wanted?
Is this disrespectful to women?
Does get this course make me a loser? What are your typical students like?
I’m not very good at talking, how can I make sure this works for me.
Does this course require that I be mean / cruel / a jerk to women? I sure don’t want to do that.
Ross, what is your background for being able to train others in Speed Seduction.
Isn’t this course really expensive?

While you’re there, check out the Unstoppable Confidence Course, where you’ll discover How To Have Unstoppable Confidence and Power With Women.

Here’s what you’ll learn from this amazing course in just one week:

Day One: The Key To Changing Anything You Want, The Power Attitudes For Success With Women, Super-Affirmations To Super-Charge Yourself. (Hey, the power attitudes, BY THEMSELVES, are so incredible that if all you do is listen to this one side, you’ll at least triple your success with women!! But do yourself a favor, and listen to the rest of the tapes too!)
Day Two: Building A Thunderously Powerful Self Image: Staying Laid Back To Get You Laid Like Crazy
Day Three: Automatic Pick-Up And Seduction Programming!
Day Four: Cleaning Up Your Past: Changing Your Flub-Ups, Mistakes, and Snafus Into Powerful Guarantees Of Success!
Day Five: Wrap Up And Special "On The Prowl" Super-Chargers, Including the World’s Best Pick-Up Lines and Approaches.
Day Six: Special Bonus Side… How To Reach Through Time and Space To Find Your Ideal Dream Lover (my partner begged me not to put this in because he thought we could make big bucks off it by itself as a separate program but I told him where to stick it! Here it is, available to you now, worth your entire investment in and of itself!)

Don’t wait. You’ll kick yourself if you don’t Get the Unstoppable Confidence Course Today.

Is Shyness Keeping You From the Girl of Your Dreams?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 16:37:10 +0000

The Question:

There is this girl at my church that I think might like me. Every time I get a chance to say something to her I don’t because I’m really shy. What can I say or do to break the ice?

The Answer:

The challenge here is that you really like her and really want her to like you. And that’s the problem. That wanting translates into fear – fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of being alone.

STOP! Let’s go through this together so you will be able to approach her with ease the next time you see her.

She’s a regular person, just like you

Don’t put her on a pedestal just because you like her. This is one of the biggest mistakes men make with women, which is why they strike out so often.

Remember, she’s a regular person, just like you. So, treat her that way. Be nice, friendly, and most of all, confident in yourself. You wouldn’t be shy talking to one of your guy friends or a girl that you have no interest in, right?

So treat her like that – just one of your friends.

Men and women aren’t nearly as different as we all like to believe. At the end of the day we’re all people with needs, feelings, hopes, dreams, etc. We all need friends, companionship, and so on.

How can you tell if she likes you?

When you talk with her, notice how you feel. Do you feel like you WANT her to like you, or do you feel that she DOES like you? Is there a strong surge of energy, a magical spark between the two of you? Down deep, you’ll know if she really likes you.

You can feel it. Trust your gut.

Warning. Many guys make a big deal about asking a girl if she likes them. Don’t ever do that. You’ll put her on the spot and she’ll have to choose without getting to know you first. It’s like deciding if you want to buy a car without ever sitting in it.

The key here is confidence and belief in you. Listen for what’s in your heart, not for what you want to be there. If you’re too nervous to even talk without stuttering, then you won’t be able to read your gut feelings. So it’s very important to get a grip on yourself and just relax.

What if she turns you down?…

Before you approach any woman, tell yourself that it’s perfectly OK if she doesn’t go out with you. Heck, it’s perfectly fine if she doesn’t like you at all. Your life will be no different than it is now, but you will have more experience in approaching women. That’s it.

Read this over and over until you get it: You have absolutely nothing to lose.

Lots of men get their egos crushed because a really hot girl won’t go out with them.

Well, guess what? Fact is there are hundreds of reasons why she may not want to go out with you – or with anyone else for that matter.

She could be in a committed relationship, could be a lesbian, could be grieving a loss of some sort, could be having her time of the month, could be having a bad day for any other number of reasons, etc.

Or, you simply may not be her type. And that’s OK too. Wouldn’t you agree that’s it’s better to know up front?

With all that put together, assuming that you are her type, you have a 20% chance (at best) of succeeding when you approach a woman. That’s life, deal with it. This bears repeating. At any given time, a woman may not be interested in any man whatsoever. Accept that and go on. It’s just a fact of life.

The key point here is not to take it personally and go hide in the closet. Follow your heart and approach all the women you feel attracted to. You will find one, or more, that you really click with. Have fun and don’t take life so seriously.

How to approach her – the magical ice breaker

Now that we’re past that, it’s time to actually move in. She’s not going to know you like her if she doesn’t know you exist. So let’s get on with it.

Simply go talk to her.

There’s no magic to it. Just go over there and make some small talk. Don’t be overly eager and don’t have a firm agenda. Just say hello and see what happens.

Let her feel you out.

Think of two dogs when they first meet – they growl a little and spend lots of time sniffing each other. People do the same thing really… it’s all about getting a feel for the other person. We like to think we’re more evolved than lower animals like dogs, but they actually have a lot to teach us. I’ve yet to ever meet a person that’s as pure at heart as a dog…

Ask her out – leaving the “Friend Zone”

Take your time and feel it out first. Don’t make her choose until you know she’s comfortable enough with you to give you a chance and you’re comfortable enough to take the chance.

Now, on the sex and physical attraction issue…

Most guys assume that men and women want drastically different things, and sex is something that’s to be won over from the woman – like a special gift. Wrong! That’s a very dangerous perspective which will leave you doing the sex thing all by yourself for a long time.

Many years ago my father gave me a bit of insight on this. He said “she wants it just as much as you do”. In my early teens that nugget didn’t really do much for me. But as I grew into an adult, that advice took on special meaning. It’s important to remember that women want and need companionship (and yes, even sex) just as much as men do.

Love yourself – guys read this section, it’s for you

Decide today to love and embrace yourself. Yes, even as a guy, you can still love and embrace who you are. In fact, guys are notorious for self loathing and not appreciating themselves.

Guess what?

As any good salesman will tell you, if you don’t believe in yourself and in what you’re selling, nobody’s going to buy from you. If you don’t love yourself and don’t think highly of yourself, nobody else will either. Guaranteed.

So get over the self punishing and self loathing and decide to change your life today. Yes, you.

Need some help going up to her or asking her out?

For advice on how to approach a woman and ask her out, let’s get some advice from some of the experts in the pick up and seduction community.

Download and read this helpful guide to approaching women:

Guy Gets Girl – a Pickup, Dating And Seduction Guide written for men… By a woman!

This guide will help you increase your confidence so you can approach women more easily and get better results.

A word of warning. Some of the advice from the seduction and approaching experts involves psychological and hypnosis tricks to get women to want you, to trust you, to open up to you, etc.

But always remember to be yourself, because while many of these tricks will get you that hot girl for the night, they won’t get you a real girlfriend. In the end she’s going to see you for who you really are and you’re better off getting her to like the real you from the beginning.

In summary

Don’t put her on a pedestal – treat her like a regular person.
Be nice, friendly, and open.
Approach her… Yes, you will have to do this eventually.
Talk to her about something, anything. It’s not about what you say; it’s how you say it.
Download the Guy Gets Girl guide for a confidence boost on approaching her and asking her out.
Now go for it! Onward – no fear.

Ask Dan and Jennifer » fetishes

How Do I Tell My Girlfriend About My Foot Fetish?

Don’t Go All In

Don’t Be Afraid Of The Consequences

Remember Her Needs

Telling Her

The Benefits

Related Posts

When Is Your Kink Really A Fetish?

Who Wants A Boring Sex Life?

What Is Kinky?

What Is A Fetish?

Fixation Makes The Difference

Affects It Can Have

Related Posts

Best Kink, Fetishes & BDSM Articles Of 2011

Related Posts

Top 10 Most Common Kinks & Fetishes

Foot Fetish

Role Playing

Breasts

Butts

Public Sex

Shoe Fetish

Piercings & Tattoos

Domination & Submission

Rough Sex

Certain Fabrics

Related Posts

Q&A: Can I Get Rid Of My Fetish?

What Is Omarashi?

Most Fetishes Aren’t Harmful

Don’t Let Others Judge You – And Don’t Judge Yourself

Getting Rid Of A Fetish Because It’s Overtaking Your Life

How To Overcome It

Redirect The Energy To Something Else

Accepting Your Fantasies

Related Posts

Should You Try Water Bondage?

What Is Water Bondage?

Is Water Bondage Dangerous?

Staying Safe

Related Posts

Amateur Bondage – 8 Tools That Beginners Should Have On Hand

A Soft Rope Or Silk Restraints

A Feather Tickler

A Breathable Gag

A Blindfold

A Padded Or Fur Lined Paddle

Various Sex Toys Of Your Choice

Surgical Scissors

A Safe Word Or Gesture

Related Posts

Bondage 101: How To Get Started With Bondage

Beginner’s Bondage Kits

Play Sex Games

Bondage At Home

How To Know When To Stop

Related Posts

How To Be A Naughty Girl

Use A Mirror During Sex – And Fellatio

Masturbate For Him

Do It Somewhere Else

Walk Around The House Naked

Do The Reverse Cowgirl

Leave Your Panties On

Let Him Give You A Facial

Have Impromptu Car Sex – With Road Head

Go Commando

Wear F-Me Shoes

Get Your Tongue Pierced

Related Posts

Top 10 Extreme Viewer Questions

10. I’m Attracted To Girls – How Can I Share A Threesome With My Husband?

9. Q&A: What Is Your Opinion On Fetishes And Bestiality?

8. What Are Crabs And How Do You Get Them? Dangerous Sex Toys?

7. Is Cross Dressing A Turn Off To Women?

6. MILF Fantasy – Should I Have Sex With My Ex’s Mom?

5. Cuckold Fantasy: My Wife With Another Man – Why Do I Like It?

4. Q&A: My Girlfriend Wants To Do Me With A Strap On