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First Date Success Checklist

Chase Christopher — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 17:00:37 +0000

A first date can be nerve racking if you aren’t prepared. Too many dates go into the gutter because the guy is not prepared for the evening. If you have a first date coming up, there are a few things that you need to take into consideration before you walk out the door. First dates are first impressions. We all know how much a first impression counts so you want to make this as smooth as possible. Here is a first date checklist to help you get through the evening without incident.

Schedule The Date

Sounds pretty simple, right? Well, too many dates fall prey to guys forgetting times, where the girl lives and or what day the date is supposed to be on. Don’t miss out on an opportunity for a future relationship because you have forgotten pertinent information. Once you have scheduled the date, write it down on a calendar or set a reminder on your phone. Hopefully, the girl is good enough that you won’t forget any of this information. However, times and dates can get lost in translation. Make sure that she knows when the date is supposed to occur also.

Make Reservations

This might not apply if you’re simply going out for a drink or heading out to the lake for a day of hiking, but if you’re going to a restaurant, get a reservation. The last thing that you want to do is show up on a Saturday night to find out that there’s a 45-minute wait for a table. Double check the reservation the day of the date to make sure that the restaurant has not made a mistake. You’ll be glad that you did.

Invest In A GPS

How many times have you tried to wing it when looking for a store? This isn’t something that you want to do on a first date. Use a GPS and key in the address an hour before you have to be there. The GPS should give you the estimated time of arrival for the location. This can keep you on schedule. Plan on being a few minutes early. Don’t be 15 minutes early, but a couple of minutes gives you time if there is traffic or accident on the way.

Have Mints/Gum On Hand

It doesn’t matter if you’re going to a restaurant or just a walk. Being fresh is key and you’re breath can deteriorate over time. Make sure that you have something to combat this situation. The last thing that you want is to have a sewer system in your mouth when you lean in for a good night kiss.

Remember Your Wallet

You would think this is a given, but there are time when we get so flustered that we rush out of the house without our wallet or our credit card. Make sure that you have your wallet and all of the pertinent methods of paying for the date with you before you leave the house. If you have recently cancelled a credit card, take it out of your wallet. The last thing you want is to have the waiter come back saying that your card was declined.

Dress Appropriately

The date will really determine what you are going to wear. Are you going to a swanky concert or a find restaurant? Dress accordingly and make sure that the clothing is clean. Iron your shirts and pants if needed. Be aware of details that will make you stand out from previous dates she’s had. Don’t choose a shirt with a ring around the collar. Wear a tie if needed. A sport coat is a great way to show that you know how to dress for a formal date. Make sure that she’s aware of any specific attire that she needs. If you’re taking her paddle boating, make sure that she is wearing sneakers. If you’re going to a nice restaurant, make sure that she knows it so she can dress accordingly.

Make After Date Plans

If everything is going well, you might want to have a plan in place for after the date. Dinner is a great way to spend some time with a date, but the restaurant is going to want their table back at some point during the night. A change of venue is exciting anyway. Have somewhere that the two of you can go after the initial phase of the date if it’s called for. Choose something that you will both enjoy. Something as easy as a cup of coffee at a local brewer can work well.

First dates can be dreadful if you aren’t prepared. By following these guidelines you should be well on your way to a second date.

How To Recover After Having Sex On The First Date

Serena Paige — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 18:00:51 +0000

Having sex on the first meeting can really screw things up for you. But is it possible to put having sex behind you and start over?

You messed up. You had too much wine, the lighting was just right or you gave into primal urges that you know you shouldn’t have. Now you’re looking for you panties as he’s making coffee in the other room. You really like this guy, but having sex with him on the first meeting was never supposed to be in the cards. The worst part is that you think you might have a future with him and you don’t want him to think that you’re the kind of girl that gives it up willy-nilly. Even though the relationship has gotten off to a sexualized start, you can recover. Here is a guide on how to recover after having sex with him on the first date.

Understand The Situation

You slept with him but that doesn’t mean that he’s your boyfriend. This also doesn’t mean that you’re his girlfriend. Understanding the relationship took a turn gives you perspective. Yes, most of the mystery was lost when you slept with him, but this doesn’t mean that you can’t have a meaningful relationship. Knowing that having sex with him on the first date doesn’t define the relationship is the first step in recovering from this misstep.

Don’t Return Texts

More than likely, the guy is going to feel guilty about having sex with you on first date. If the guy is truly interested in pursuing a relationship, wait for him to call. If he sends a text, shoot him one back that says “Give me a call when you get a second. Thanks!” or something similar. Guys that were only interested in having sex will text you with expectations. Guys that want to move past the mistake of getting physical too early will want to take you out on a proper date. Proper dates require real communication. Phone calls are real communication. The only exception is if he is truly busy and he sends you a text from work asking you to have dinner with him.

Second Time Around

So, you went on the first date and we know how that turned out. What about the second date? The second date is going to be the real date. This is a test of how you can handle the fact that you have already been together but don’t really know each other. One of the best things to do is talk about the fact that you did sleep together. Don’t make excuses or you could make him feel inadequate or unworthy. For instance, if you say “ Listen, I had a lot to drink the other night” or something similar, he might think that you used him for sex. You might even get him thinking that you think he used you for sex. Just say, “I don’t want what happened the other night to ruin what we might have.” This tells him that you are open to the idea of a relationship, but it’s business as usual from here on out.

Make Him Wait

You had sex on the first date, but that doesn’t mean that you’re going to give it up again. Make him wait and earn sex again. Having sex with him again on the second date could lead to expectation. If he asks you to come over to his house after the date, politely tell him that you don’t think that’s a good idea. He should agree. If he presses the issue, he might only be in it for the sex and you should tread lightly. Once a guy has had sex with you, he might lose interest. This is common, which is the reason that you should never have sex on the first date. If the guy does press the issue, he sees you as a way to get laid and his interest in a serious relationship has faded. Move on. Once a guy sees you in this light it’s going to be very difficult to bring him back. Decline the request and make him wait for at least 2 more dates before you sleep with him again.

Having sex with a guy on the first date is a horrible idea that usually ends badly. If you do slip up and give into the temptations of the flesh, there are a few ways that you can steer the relationship back to where it needs to be. By knowing how to handle the situation, you might be able to understand the situation and get your guy to accept the fact that you both faltered. Always remember that you are in control of the situation and if the guy isn’t up for a real relationship, you will move on.

5 Signs He Only Wants A One Night Stand

Serena Paige — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 17:00:26 +0000

A one night stand can be fun, but only if you’re in on it and okay with it. Here are 5 indicators he might only want a one night stand, so you can steer clear.

A one-night stand can be one of the biggest mistakes for a woman’s life. Let’s face it. Some men will do anything to get into a girl’s pants. If a fella has ever played you, you know how stupid you can feel afterward. Being able to tell if a guy is looking for a one-night stand or a real relationship is a huge asset for the nightlife scene in your area. There are several indicators that you can take into account when determining whether or he wants a one-night stand. Here is a guide to keep the creeps away.

1. He Buys You Drinks…A Lot Of Drinks

A date that is only looking for a one stand is going to buy you a lot of drinks. He will probably be drinking a lot also so this is something that you will need to look out for. Men that buy a lot of drinks for women are trying to get them loose and ready for whatever. The release of inhibitions associated with alcohol is a staple among one night stands. Refuse the drinks that he is offering your and see what he says. If he starts teasing you about being a lightweight, he probably just wants a one night stand. If he lets up and doesn’t push the drinks on you, he might be looking for a more serious relationship.

2. The Conversation Always Comes Back To The Same Thing

When you’re talking to a guy he should be telling you about himself. This could include what he does, what he likes, if he’s there with friends or where he went to school. Men that want one night stands typically sexualize the situation right off the bat. If you are talking and he keeps coming back to his car, his condo, his job title or any other phallic metaphor it’s probably best to leave the situation as is. Any fella that mentions sex within the first 20 minutes of meeting him is not looking for a serious relationship.

3. He’s Trying To “Bounce” You

Women tend to stay in packs. If you are out with a bunch of girlfriends and a potential date tries to get you away from them, he’s looking for a one-night stand. Here’s the reasoning. Women don’t want to be judged by their friends. A girl that goes to another club or a different bar with a guy they just met is less of an offense than a girl that goes home with a guy right in front of their friends. Men know this so they try to separate the girl from her friends.

When the two of you walk into a new bar or club together everybody will think that you’re a couple. This eliminates the chances of another guy hitting on you, leaving you as a victim to his routine. If he says something like “Hey, it’s kind of loud in here. Can we go outside and talk for a bit?” He’s probably not looking for a one-night stand. Bouncing is a very common practice in the “Pick-Up Artist” world.

4. He Doesn’t Want To Meet Your Friends

A huge tell for a guy that only wants a one-night stand is when they don’t want to meet your friends. When you’re in a bar or a club with friends, the guy should want their approval. A potential date that is interested in you and your life will want to meet your friends so they can put in a good word for him. For a guy wanting a one night stand, your friends are obstacles that could get in his way. They will try to keep you away from your friends for as long as possible and then make an excuse of why they don’t want to meet them. They might say something like “I need another drink” or “Let me run to bathroom real quick.”

5. He Doesn’t Ask For Your Number

If you really want to know whether the guy is looking for a one night stand, the best way to do it is to play the game yourself. Pretend that you and your friends are leaving the bar. Even if you’re not leaving the bar you can say “we changed our mind.” If the guy does not ask for your number before you leave, he’s only looking for a one-night stand. Men don’t want to be perceived as players by the rest of the girls in the bar. When he takes your number, other girls are going to be uninterested. This messes up his persona and he won’t risk it on a girl that is leaving.

Why He Didn’t Call You Back

Chase Christopher — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 17:00:13 +0000

Dating tips can help the first date go without a hitch, but what do you do if the guy you like doesn’t phone back? What’s the deal?

It’s never easy when you meet a guy that you like and he doesn’t call you back. If you’ve gone out a few times and you haven’t heard from him a couple of days, it’s especially infuriating. This is an enigma that many women find themselves in. You were laughing, there weren’t any gaps in the conversation; you even left with a kiss. So what’s his problem? Many women make the mistake of actually calling the guy. Traditionally, men are the ones that should be vying for the woman’s attention. In this modern age, many women are taking the reins and trying to at least give it a mild effort to get together. But not all of the blame can be put on him. Sometimes you have to take a look inward. Here are the most common reasons that he didn’t call you back and why you shouldn’t call him.

Control

Control is a characteristic that not all men can handle. At even the slightest hint of a control issue, most men will walk away. If you insist on a restaurant or he sees you as anything other than warm and easygoing, he probably deleted your number right after the date. Being confident in yourself and knowing what you want is great quality to have, but some men are not turned on by it. In this specific case, it’s probably best to move onto the next one. If he wants to get in touch, he’ll call you.

Being Too Nice

Did you send him a thank you text after the date? While a lot of guys would appreciate this, some guys actually don’t like it. When some men are pursuing women, they like to be the chaser. When a girl concedes to liking him, he might lose interest. This is especially true with men that are in business or make a lot of money. They love the thrill of the chase and when that is gone, they are left with nothing –so to speak. There is a difference between being grateful and them perceiving you as desperate. Keep the thank you texts to a minimum. Words work a lot better than texts anyway. Say thank you right after the meal and then once again before you leave for the night. This will stick with them without coming off as desperation.

Blowing Up The Spot

How many texts or calls have you made in the last couple of days? How many of those were reciprocated? When you send a text and he takes a couple of hours to respond, he’s most likely busy or not interested. We live in a world where our phones have the ability to get online, purchase items and make the traditional call. For most of us, our phones are our lifelines. If you send him a text and he takes more than 6 hours to respond, you might not want to call him again. Wait for him to call or text you. Alternatively, responding to a text instantly can come off as desperation. If you haven’t heard from him a couple of days, give him a call to see how he’s doing. If he doesn’t call you back or responds to a call with a text, rest assured that he’s not putting you at the top of his priorities.

The Prima Donna

Were you rude to the waitress? Did you get hammered? Nice guys are not going to call you out on your actions if they don’t know you. They will just sit there and take it until the meal is over. They will say things like “I’ll call you” or “We should do this again,” but they have no intention of calling you ever again. Think about whether there was anything that you did on the date that would have turned him off. If you were the epitome of perfection, he might just be giving you a little distance to show that he’s not completely desperate. If you were a complete terror, learn from the experience and do it differently next time.

Exceptions

There are exceptions that must be considered. A death in the family, emergency at work or a busted pipe in his home are obviously appropriate reasons that he hasn’t called you back. But one thing that you must take into account is how many times these “emergencies” are occurring. If it’s truly a one-time thing, he probably feels bad and would like to make it up to you. If it’s happening frequently, he might be seeing a couple of girls at the same time. Gauge his excuses and make your own mind up of whether or not to give him a second chance.

Online Dating: How & When To Make The First Contact

Michelle Hemingway — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 18:47:22 +0000

Online dating should always be premeditated – that’s the beauty of online dating! You can have the communication well thought out in advance. Here’s how.

In online dating, the first move is unlike any “in real life” first meeting you’ve ever had.

The Hunt

The first move in online dating is entirely premeditated. There’s no striking up a natural conversation at the water cooler, or meeting at a bar. You came to the site looking for a date, and anyone that responds to your messages or profile is looking for the same thing. Sure, you may both be looking for different types of romance, but at least the core is the same.

This can make online dating feel like a bit of a hunt. Both parties are looking for certain traits that they will use to filter out potential candidates. These might be age, looks or location. Some people focus on the “attitude” or “tone” of the profile, or the level of commitment they think the profile conveys. Because of these filters, when the first move is made, it carries a certain feeling of excitement, especially for the person being contacted. Out of all these choices, you chose them. You looked at tons of profile pictures and while you could have gone with the flirty girl or the shirtless guy, you chose them, despite being unable to crop out that random guy’s arm from their profile picture.

When you finally do find someone you’d like to “meet”, you can make the process seem like less of a hunt by actually tailoring your message to him or her. Your first message should say more than “I saw your profile and you look interesting. We should talk.” They’ve received spam emails with more personality than that. Try to refer to at least one unique thing in their profile or picture. Try something like “That’s an awesome view in your profile picture. Where was it taken?” or “I had a friend who went to that college! They raved about this restaurant downtown.”

The Catch

Striking a conversation with someone online can be scary. When the Internet was in its infancy, many people held misinformed ideas of what it was. The cliche was finding that perfect profile of a 6 foot 4 inch tall, blond, muscular, polo-playing firefighter who happens to be the heir to an empire but risks his life because he’s so courageous, only to learn that he’s a 5 foot 2 inch tall unemployed couch surfer who took 30 seconds to find a good profile picture. Or falling in love with emails from a leggy super-model who shared your passion for old movies and football, only to learn that she’s also that same 5 foot 2 inch couch surfer.

Now, the risks remain, but there’s a certain level of honesty expected from all involved. Make sure that your first move is a genuine one, even if it’s not necessarily full disclosure. They don’t need to know about your unpaid parking tickets yet. Or that you love trash TV late at night. But you should still be honest. When you make the first move, avoid the temptation to send an inaccurate photo or to fake a passion for college lacrosse. As soon as you meet, they’ll know how accurate the photo was, and if the relationship becomes serious, you don’t want to risk old “fibs” coming back to bite you.

The Bait

Every online dating site or social networking site has their own twist on the non-verbal, and non-committal, first move. Depending on what site you are on, you can poke, wink, cruise, smile, nod, give a flower or do any number of other ice-breaking actions.

Before you click that button, ask yourself if this is really the way you want your initial meeting to happen. It’s literally the modern day equivalent of walking into a bar, winking at someone and walking away.

To some people, it’s off-putting. They think you only like them enough to click a button, but not enough to say “hello, I saw your profile and noticed that we both like traveling.” They can’t tell whether you’re actually interested, or just quickly hitting as many people as you can.

Consider making your first move a little more meaningful by actually sending a message, particularly one that includes a reference to something in the person’s profile. If you share a common interest, use that as an icebreaker, not a “wink.”

The Release

The initial contact can be the end of the road for many online relationships. Accept it. There’s no obligation that either party has to go on at least one date with every person that talks to them online, or even that they have to respond to your first message. Or your second, third or fourth. It’s possible that you’ve contacted an inactive profile, or your target just found the love of his or her life minutes before you sent your message.

If you’re absolutely convinced that the person was a match, then a follow-up message may be appropriate. They may legitimately have forgotten to respond to you, or unable to get to a computer. Be ready to call a time of death on this potential relationship if you still don’t receive a response though.

Making the first move in online dating can be nerve-wracking and unusual, but every relationship has to begin somewhere. If you can avoid certain behaviors and you are willing to start a conversation, you can find easily handle the world of online dating.

Flirting Tips: How To Do It Online

Michelle Hemingway — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 17:00:45 +0000

Flirting online should be an enjoyable experience. You should take your time while you are doing it. Getting to know a person, especially online, is almost like having your first date. You are finding out about each other and trying to attract and sustain mutual interest.

Make sure you have “scooped” the person, that you have carefully checked out his or her profile. If the “other” has been good in putting it together, there would have been just enough information offered to reveal an interesting, even captivating personality, leaving just enough to hope that the “scooper” would want to look for more.

Flirting is a sport, like fishing. The woman attracts the man with some nice-looking bait or the man attracts the woman with bait that is just as well nice-looking and uniquely attractive.

Be Lighthearted

Go light and establish an edge. Use light email conversation, but angle on something real that was seen in the profile, something that gave a small flash of the person as special. That special something is what could feature the person for you. It would be entertaining and, hopefully, eventually fulfilling. There’s a lot of advice on online dating that’s pegged on being funny and humorous. Surely, being light, easy-going and humorous could move the fish closer to your net. Your net, itself, must be inviting and charming.

Write Short Emails

Some of the online dating sites have shaped the initial response/reply vehicles to be short comments signifying mere interest. If you are a woman, take your time in responding to the initial inquiries. If you are a man, respond to them easily and effectively. Both of you are lighting a campfire. You want to get the coals burning to an enticing, inviting warmth.

Ask her something about her location. Find out if she wants to talk about her job, don’t assume she does, even though it may be revealed on the profile. Look for things that are uniquely interesting on his profile. Either of you can take your time in getting personal, looking for signs that show the individual revealing more of her or himself.

Take Your Time In The Initial Phases

Both of you may have several people you are responding to, initiating conversation. Again, you want to enjoy these first few moments. You want to create light laughter as people are usually obliged to do at parties, at first meetings. As the emails get longer, you decide to narrow your choices and get into chat sessions with this certain individual. You like the interests and responses each of you have shared and want to expand on them.

If she mentioned children and you have children yourself, slowly reveal your kids to each other. This would most likely be on the profile.

Continue to show and build support and consideration. This is the time where you can grow in honesty, revealing more. You are looking for a good relationship, one that can be sustained, one where it feels “just right” to be open to. It’s like you are building comfortable structures for each other. Chatting, you both will serve up what the person inquires about, keeping it light and not going too far.

All the time, keep asking yourself is this the person you would like to be with, is this an individual you can be comfortable with.

Stick To Your Profile

Profiles show movies, books, activities that people like and pursue. You believe in some ways these activities complement yours. Ask questions concerning it in relation to your own interests. Then inquire about interests and things the other has done that you would like to know more about. Compliment her on her experience. If he expresses a liking for his job, ask him about his interesting experiences with it.

You have so far:

Taken your time, shown comfort with the person’s profile.
Have not been too flashy, but have created smiles and laughter.
Enjoyed and appreciated the first few moments.

Good things don’t happen inordinately fast or quick. You are enjoying subtleties that build refreshing communication.

Don’t Dive To Deep In The Beginning

If the chatting proves okay, and there has been good humor, relaxation, it means you both have accepted and acknowledged a pace, a certain rhythm.

Sitting around the chatting campfire, some of the unusual stuff will come out. Check out some of this, but not all. Wait for the actual dates. Depending on age, experiences, there are several hills and valleys in people’s lives. Maturity shows that people can appreciate that others have had hard or difficult times. If the relationship engenders anything, it will present future soft places for these things to come out.

The initial aim is to see if both of you want to make a move for that first date, where it becomes a pleasure to move from the campfire into the dawn of a new friendship.

First Date Tips: How To Make It Perfect

Andrew Wang — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 23:00:30 +0000

The first date is crucial – you want to make sure you get a second, right? We all know that first impressions can also be lasting impressions. As such, the first real date that you have with someone is extremely important. Even if you’ve already known each other as friends or acquaintances, that first date is when you’ll get to see each other in a non-platonic light.

You want to be able to learn more about the person you’re on the date with, and you want them to learn more about you. This is your first chance to show that individual how thoughtful you can be. One of the best ways to do that is to plan a great first date.

How To Stand Out From The Crowd

You not only want to make a good first impression on this date; you also want to stand out from the crowd of potential mates out there. That means planning a date that will be unique compared to most people’s typical first date. Eschew dinner and a movie or dinner and drinks for something more special.

Thinking outside the box will make your date sit up and notice you. Think about doing something that will shine a light on one of your better traits or talents. If you’re a good cook, invite your date over to your place for a dinner made by you, or make something that you can take on a picnic and enjoy together. Just make sure that you don’t come off as being full of yourself, or that the date seems to be centered around only what you enjoy.

Speaking of your date’s enjoyment, tailoring the night around their interests will show how thoughtful you can be. Is there anything you can remember about their hobbies or tastes from the previous conversations that you’ve had? Do you have a mutual friend who you can pump for some information to help plan the date?

Access whatever resources you can (without being a stalker about it, of course) to plot a date that shows you’re willing to put effort into a relationship with this person. If they like music, surprise them by taking them to a concert. If they’re into art or history, take them to the museum for the afternoon.

Take Advantage Of The Current Season

You can also look for special seasonal events that will create a memorable date. In the autumn you can go apple-picking, or in the spring you can visit a botanical garden. Does your date love animals? Take him or her to the zoo if the weather permits it. There are plenty of indoor special events out there, too. Just go online or check out the arts and entertainment section of your local paper.

Maybe a bar near you is having a special beer or wine tasting night, or there might be a touring musical or play in town over the weekend. There are so many options out there that go beyond dinner at a restaurant and two tickets to whatever rom-com is playing at a theater near you.

Most people are just too lazy to look into other first date ideas though, so that’s become the standard date. If you plan something above and beyond for your first date, there will be plenty of time to see movies and eat out on down the line. That initial impression will be certain to score you many more dates to come.

Say Goodbye To Dating Anxiety – Forever!

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 14:00:11 +0000

Dating is enough to make anyone apprehensive. Most people worry about saying the right thing, wearing the right clothes and not making any mistakes – but the truth is, you don’t have to be worried about it at all! Here’s how to get rid of dating apprehension for good.

Most Guys Suffer From Dating Anxiety

If you get apprehensive when you start talking to a girl, you’re not alone. The far majority of guys get a little freaked out when they approach women and they often stutter, fidget or choke on their words. They seem really awkward – even when they’re smooth when they’re around their friends. Even though most guys have trouble with getting flustered and flubbing up when they approach women, you don’t have to!

Understanding Basic Social Anxiety

A lot of people who have apprehension when “dating” may actually just be apprehensive socially. If you find yourself getting flustered most of the time when you’re in a new situation with new people, it may not necessarily be that you are apprehensive about women at all – you may actually have social anxiety. Signs of apprehension in all social situations might be:

Freezing up in social situations that do or do not include women
Difficulty talking to new people in general
Being limited in your ability to express yourself

Being apprehensive in new social situations isn’t uncommon, but it can definitely wreak havoc not only on your love life, but your life in general. Things that should be simple, such as striking up a conversation with a girl or asking a girl out can seem impossible. Other ways it can affect your life might be:

Problems talking with new people in general, regardless of their gender
Trouble making friends with new people
Can lead to sadness, depression and reduced satisfaction with life in general

Relax!

The first thing you need to do when you struggle with getting flustered in new social situations is to make an effort to consciously relax. Any time you start to feel apprehensive, take a few minutes to calm down and breathe in and out slowly. Remember that it’s going to be okay!

You can also practice yoga or meditation in your spare time to learn great relaxation techniques that you can use any time. Yoga and meditation help you learn how to calm down overall, but they also teach techniques that you can use in the heat of the moment to collect yourself and decrease your stress right away.

Practice Makes Perfect

A lot of guys struggle with approaching new people and starting a conversation, simply because they’ve not done it a lot and don’t have any confidence in themselves to do it. It’s normal to be apprehensive about doing something that you’ve never done before or don’t do often – so get out there and practice talking to people! The more you talk to people – both men and women – the less apprehensive you will be about striking up a conversation out of the blue with a new person.

If you focus on meeting new people and putting yourself in new social situations, you’re going to be uncomfortable at first, but you’re going to get used to it and soon it will be like second nature to you. There’s a reason all those “suave” guys are so suave – they go up to women and talk to them all the time!

Getting Help For Serious Anxiety

While most people are at least a little apprehensive in new situations, there are some people who struggle with anxiety all the time. The symptoms of clinical anxiety are similar to general apprehension in new social situations, but can be more persistent or severe. If you struggle with nervousness often, you may want to seek the advice of your doctor or another medical professional. They can help you:

Find a counselor or someone to talk to about your feelings
Recommend medication for some people
Suggest other treatments that may help you lead a more normal, happy life

It’s All About Having Fun

Remember that dating is all about putting yourself out there and having fun. Yes, you risk getting rejected and the more women you approach, the more you might get rejected. However, think of it this way – learn to appreciate any successes you have, no matter how small they are. If you ask out twenty girls and only one of them says yes, don’t think of it as getting nineteen refusals. You have a date soon! Forget all the “no’s” and go get ready for a really great first date.

How To Plan An Incredible Date

Andrew Wang — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 23:00:31 +0000

Dating involves coming up with new ideas for dates all the time – check out these amazing tips if you really want to add the “WOW” factor to your next date!

Whether there’s a special occasion on the horizon, like your significant other’s birthday, or it’s just your turn to decide on Friday night’s date, you can make plans that will impress your partner. A little effort and forethought can go a long way toward coming up with a fantastic date concept.

How To Plan The Perfect Date

The key to planning the perfect date is to build it around your mate’s interests. In an ideal world, you’ll be able to find points of interest that you both share. Sometimes, however, you’ll find that you need to go with some ideas that won’t be quite as enjoyable to you as they are to your S.O. Either way, by demonstrating that you’ve paid attention to your partner’s interests, you will be sure to impress and please them.

So start mulling over your mate’s favorite activities, and think back to anything they might have mentioned in recent conversations. Is he/she a music fan, a sports fanatic or a film buff? Whether they’re a foodie, a bookworm, or a theater lover, try to find an out-of-the-ordinary event tied to their big interest.

How To Find Great Date Ideas

Check out the internet or the arts and entertainment section of your local newspaper for upcoming events. Then start thinking outside the box. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is an art lover, see if the city nearest you has a gallery crawl night. It’s like an extra-special trip to the museum. If she is in love with boos, take her to a reading by one of their favorite authors at a local bookstore.

If there’s not a particularly fitting event coming up, try finding a learning experience you can enjoy together. If your S.O. is a gourmand, try taking a cooking class or going to a wine or coffee tasting seminar. If you’re both fitness fiends, look for a walk-in yoga or kick boxing class to attend. Learning experiences are the dates that keep on giving, whether you end up signing up for more classes together or practicing your new skills as a team at home.

Great Dates Can Last All Day – Or Night!

Another key to planning the perfect date is going beyond one simple event. Don’t just buy two tickets to a hard to find foreign film playing at the art house theater near you. Make a full night or afternoon of it. Plan a meal before the movie at a nearby restaurant that serves your S.O.’s favorite kind of food. Then, after the film, grab coffee or drinks together at a new bar or café you haven’t gone to before.

Experiencing new places and things together helps give you both unique memories together. Likewise, you can go the opposite route and recreate elements of a favorite date from earlier in your relationship. Demonstrating that you paid such great attention to a previously beloved evening can be very romantic.

Planning A Theme Date

Going so far as to plan a theme for your date can also be very impressive. Say your boyfriend or girlfriend is a big jazz lover, and you get tickets to see a jazz band perform. Try planning a ‘50s beatnik evening, starting at a coffee house before the performance followed by dinner at a French bistro. You don’t have to dress the part or anything, but that extra attention to detail shows your S.O. how much thought you put into your date ideas.

Even a night in can be more fun with a theme. Instead of your normal Friday night of pizza and TV, try surprising your mate with something unexpected. A homemade Moroccan dinner followed by mint tea and Casablanca on DVD can make for a great evening. In the end, if you show that you considered your partner’s unique tastes and took the time to plan something special, you’ll be sure to have an amazing time together.

What To Talk About On Your First Date

Vin DiCarlo — Wed, 18 May 2011 23:00:04 +0000

The first date can be nerve wracking, because you’re just not sure what you’re going to say. Keeping the conversation going between you and a girl isn’t always easy. Here’s how to make the first date go smoothly.

At A Loss For Words?

So say you mustered up the courage to go and approach a girl you find attractive, and she responded well and is engaged in conversation with you, but then all of a sudden you find yourself at a loss for words, and now you are digging for any topic that may keep conversation going. This is a common problem with many men when interacting with women but by simply changing the way you view the interaction can bring your conversation skills through the roof.

Have A Genuine Interest In Her

The number one important thing to finding what to discuss is actually having a genuine interest in the girl you are conversing with. When people try to improve their abilities to converse with and attract the opposite sex, they seem to view many conversations as “practice” and just being able to hold a conversation for an extended period of time becomes the goal at had.

You need to remove yourself from this mindset and make sure your focus is in the right place. If you are focusing on what to say next, there is a good chance you are not listening to or taking in what the girl has to say. Instead always keep your focus on the girl and keep the mindset that you WANT to find more about this person. Every girl you converse with should spark intrigue in you, this will make you ask genuine questions hat lead to genuine answers.

Find Common Ground First

To establish a strong string of conversation, there are two ways you should view the way the conversation you are having. First off, your number one goal with all of this is to find a commonality between the two of you, that is when natural conversation emerges, when you are both discussing something similar you share. The best way to do this is by asking questions that appeal to the girl on an emotional level.

Really Get To Know Her

Instead of just asking one generic question after the other, dig deeper because you actually care to get to know this girl. Ask questions that ask how she feels about that subject, or why she associates with it, or how she plans on engaging what you are discussing. It is like being a good sports reporter. You will never hear the reporter ask simply what the athlete did to score the touchdown, instead they ask how the athlete feels after scoring it. All questions you ask should come from your own expressive curiosity in the girl, only ask things you actually care about.

Listen To What She Is Saying

Next, when the girl is responding to your questions, you want to be listening with an active appreciation for what she is saying. Be happy that this girl is taking the time to open up to you and listen to everything she is saying. Do not worry about what to say next but simply take in her response, if you have gotten her on a semi-emotional level, you will naturally want to respond by opening up about something in your life, which becomes the basis for your first commonality/connection, making the rest of the conversation go very smoothly.

Once You’ve Achieved An Emotional Connection

You have the opportunity to create a connection because you have gotten her on the emotional level, there are so many ways to respond once the girl reaches this state of conversation. For example you could discuss where you lived when you were young, your experiences at the beach, or your favorite childhood memory. Just remember to open up on an emotional conversational level after the girl does and a strong bond will be made, cementing your first conversation on a level like no other.

Foolproof Ways To Get His Or Her Number

Andrew Wang — Mon, 16 May 2011 23:00:56 +0000

Dating isn’t something you can even think about until you get a phone number. When you meet someone new that sparks your interest, it can be pretty thrilling. In the midst of your flirty conversation, it can be easy to get swept up in the excitement of meeting someone new. All that happiness will mean nothing, however, if you don’t get their contact information.

Though it can feel awkward outright requesting someone’s phone number, you’ll have to find a way to ask for it before your initial meeting is over. A little tact and flirting can go a long way in helping you get that all-important information.

How To Get Their Contact Information

Say you’re out at a party making conversation with a guy or girl who has managed to get your attention. The night is winding down, and you know that you want to see this intriguing individual again. What’s the best way to get their contact information? There are a few different approaches. Simple honesty may be the best. As it’s time to say goodbye, matter-of-factly state that you’re so glad you met, you had a wonderful time talking during the party, and you’d like to see him/her again.

Then ask for a phone number or, at the very least, their email. You can always email them for their number later. If you’re not up to explaining your motives so plainly, mention an upcoming party or group event you’d like to invite them to, and request their number or email so you can send them more information about it. Of course, you’ll have to actually bring them to the event you reference, but that doesn’t mean you can’t call and ask them on a date before then.

Use Social Networking To Your Advantage

If asking for a phone number or email address makes you too nervous, or if you forget to ask while you’re at the party, social networking can save you. It’s not exactly the most impressive way to contact someone, but if you can find them on Facebook or Myspace, you can friend them. Then you can ask for their number in a message. Make a witty remark when you send that message, mentioning that you meant to ask for their number that night, but were so caught up in your great conversation that you forgot to.

A little flattery will get you somewhere, and jokingly acknowledging that you should’ve asked in person helps, too. Another option that will keep you from having to ask is even simpler. While at the party, offer your own number. If you hand over your phone number, the person you’re speaking with is likely to offer you theirs in return, no asking required.

What Not To Do

All of these methods are good, but what should you avoid doing when attempting to get a phone number? Cheesy pick up lines only work if you’re joking, and he or she knows it. Unless you know you’re being so obviously funny that you won’t offend, sleazy lines will ensure you strike out.

Never just walk up to a person, tell them you think they’re cute, and ask for their digits. Have an actual conversation first, and you’re more likely to be taken seriously when the time comes to get his/her number. Most importantly, don’t let on that you’re nervous. This isn’t a wedding proposal—you’re just asking for a phone number! Keep that in mind, remain calm and confident, and you’ll be calling each other in no time.

Not Having Sex? You NEED To Watch This!

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 14:00:26 +0000

Sex is something just about everyone wants – but not everyone always gets it. Some single guys get a lot of sex and other guys hardly get any at all – and dating isn’t as fun when you’re in the latter category. If you’re not getting any, you’re probably wondering what the difference is between you and the guys who are getting laid every weekend – or more. If you’re not getting any, here’s how to fix it and start getting more sex!

If You’re Single And Not Getting Sex

If you’re single and you’re not getting any, these three steps will help you get laid more often. However, if you’re married and looking to get more sex, these techniques are definitely not for you! If you follow these steps while you’re married, it will likely cause more trouble than it’s worth, considering that these techniques are all about how to score with lots of different women.

Step One: Approach One Girl A Day And Ask For Her Phone Number

Make a committment to approach one new woman a day and ask her for her phone number (bonus points if flirting is involved). This simultaneously achieves two things. First, you will inherently become much more comfortable talking to women. When you’re constantly going up to women and making conversation with them, you become more and more aware of what to say and when to say it.

Second, it increases your chances of getting a girl to actually say “yes” simply because after talking to so many women, one of them is bound to. By asking tons of women out, you’re actually improving your odds at getting a date – learn to focus on the number of women that say “yes” instead of the number of women that don’t. Even if you ask fifty women for their phone number and only get two responses, that’s still two women that are interested in dating you and possibly sleeping with you!

Step Two: Design A Date With Multiple Activities – Ending At Your Place

You’re much more likely to have sex on the first date if you design it so that it ends up at your place. Plan a date where you’re moving around a lot and doing multiple activities. Dinner and a movie is cliche, and afterwards, there can be an awkward moment when you’re figuring out what to do next, especially if you’ve hit it off and want to continue spending time with each other.

Here are a few ways you can convince her to go to your place, after you’ve taken her to a few other places first.

Make or purchase a really yummy dessert. Then, let her know that you “made” her something really delicious and she just has to come over and try it. This sounds cheesy, but it actually does work!

Use the things around you to your advantage. For example, do you have a great view from your balcony or your backyard? Do you have a pool or some really exquisite fine art? Perhaps you have a crazy roommate that your date just has to come meet. Look at the things around you and decide what could possibly be interesting to a woman and use that to your advantage when trying to get her to come back to your place.

Step Three: Acquire Sexual Skills

You can get different women back to your place with the above steps, but if you’re not wanting to bomb out and never have sex again with this same girl, you’re going to need to acquire some great sexual skills. This is the true secret to getting a lot of sex all the time. Most guys that get sex have a few girls that they have sex with all the time, rather than doing it with someone new every time. This is because a guy that is really good in bed will have the women he sleeps with coming back for more!

Take some time to research on how to give a woman a really great orgasm. Learn how to please a woman with incredible oral sex, and then learn how to stimulate the g-spot or the a-spot and give her types of orgasms she’s never had before. If you learn what a woman likes in bed, you’re really only going to have to date a few women – because if you blow their minds during sex, they’e going to want to go back to your place again and again.

Dating Tips: How To Keep A Group Date From Becoming A Total Disaster

Andrew Wang — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 23:00:54 +0000

While dating is typically only about you and your significant other, there are times when you’ll end up heading out with other couples. Group dates can be highly enjoyable, especially when you’re with a group of mutual friends and have fun plans. They can also go horribly awry—the more people involved, the higher the chance that someone’s not having a good time. Before you and your S.O. accept an invitation to a group date, make sure to think over a few important points.

Who To Invite

First and foremost, you need to consider who all is going to be heading out together on the date. How well do you know everyone? Is there a person whom you or your partner find particularly difficult to spend time with? If you learn that someone you really don’t enjoy being around will be there, you may want to skip this particular group date. If you don’t know one or two of the people who are coming along, you should try to find out more about them from your other friends.

It’s best to go into a group date situation knowing at least a little about everyone involved. It will make conversations easier and rule out the element of the unknown. It’s important to avoid group dates with another couple that’s volatile—you don’t want someone else’s fighting to cause drama in your own relationship. Plus, even if their fighting doesn’t spread to you, they’ll make your whole date a downer. It’s also important to consider how many couples should go out together on the date.

The more people you add to the mix, the higher the odds of someone having a bad time and bringing the rest of the group down. You may have a lot more fun having dinner with one other couple that you both like than two or three other couples you don’t know very well.

What To Do

Once you know that you’ve got a fun group lined up to hang out, you’ll need to consider what kind of activity works well for a group date. Sporty activities like bowling, a game of softball, or a round of mini golf can be fun with a group. However, if one or two of your friends is hyper-competitive, or you know a few people really don’t like sports, it’s worth planning something else.

It’s key to make sure that you find something everyone will enjoy, otherwise you might find one or two people in the group are moping around. If not everyone in the group already knows each other, you might want to do something that will provide you with a talking point. Go to a movie or show and then have drinks afterward, that way you’ll all have something to discuss. That also lets everyone relax for the first part of the night, since you can’t really talk during a film or performance.

Group dates can also be a good way for you to introduce your significant other to your friends, or vice versa. If everyone’s having a great time, your friends will probably appreciate your new boyfriend or girlfriend even more. That’s part of why it’s important to pick out an activity that will be fun for everyone involved.

Why Group Dates Can Be Fun

While you should still spend most of your dating time one-on-one with your significant other, having a group date every now and again is a great idea. It helps you connect with your friends and your boyfriend or girlfriend at the same time, and it adds some variety to your dating plans. It can be a really good way to get out of a rut. Even if a group date goes horribly wrong, you might still get something good out of it. Sometimes just seeing another couple have a meltdown can make you realize just how good you’ve got it in your own relationship!

How Many Dates Should You Wait Before Going All The Way?

Andrew Wang — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 19:05:40 +0000

When you have sex with someone for the first time, it can be a wonderful new experience. It can also be a bit of a disaster, especially if you rush into things without thinking. Sometimes it can be hard to decide when the timing is right to become physically intimate.

In addition to the pressure you feel from within yourself, you may also be feeling pressure from your new love interest, along with the pressures of societal norms. So how can you tell when to make that next move? A little introspection, a discussion or two with your partner, and the ability to go with your gut can all help.

When Is The Right Time To Have Sex?

There is a lot of conventional wisdom out there about when to have sex. Some people think you should hold off until marriage, and others think you should just hold off until the third date. Tempting as it can be to take an established rule as your own, the truth is that you’ll only really be happy if you go for it when you feel that you’re ready.

That means that you need to do some serious thinking. Review your past sexual experiences. Do you feel that you’ve jumped into having sex too quickly before, to the detriment of your past relationships? Or has your experience shown you that there’s no need to put things off? Of course, if you have no past experience because this is your first time ever, you’ll have to turn to other methods of determining your readiness.

Deciding What Is Right For YOU

Whether you’re experienced or not, you’re going to want to further check in with yourself. As far as introspection goes, you should do a little pros and cons analysis. What are all of the good things that you’ll get from sleeping together at this particular point in time, and what are the possible negative consequences? If the negatives outweigh the positives, you should probably hold off a bit longer.

You also need to acknowledge that, once you’ve finally had sex, it may not be as spectacular as you’d hoped it would be. If it goes poorly, that could be the end of things. If you’re not ready to run that risk, you may not be ready for sex with this person, either. Some people are into casual sex, and others feel they need to be in love before they can engage in it.

It’s important for you to truthfully acknowledge which side of the line you fall on. Trying to go against your true feelings is a mistake, particularly if you’re someone that needs to be in love. You may feel regret after the fact, which will sully the experience for you.

How Does Your Partner Feel About When To Have Sex?

Once you’ve established how you feel about it and decide that you’re ready, you need to have that conversation with your S.O. Tell them you’re hoping to take things to the next level, but want to know how they feel about it. Plus, as non-romantic as it may be, you should discuss birth control and STD prevention with them.

If one of you isn’t prepared to take the appropriate measures, that person also isn’t ready to be having sex. Once the two of you are on common ground, let things happen as they may. When the mood is right, you’ll both know it. Don’t let yourself worry about what anyone other than you and your partner think, whether you sleep together on your first date or your wedding night. Clear up all of your worries in advance, and you’ll have that much more energy to focus on enjoying your first time.

How To Get A First Date

Andrew Wang — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 23:00:47 +0000

Asking someone out on a first date can be highly nerve-wracking. In fact, fear of rejection can cause people to put off, or even give up on, asking someone out. That’s very unfortunate. Risky though it may be, asking for a first date can be highly rewarding. Though you can never be one hundred percent certain you’ll get the “yes” you’re looking for, you can up your odds. A little planning and skillful flirting can go a long way.

Reading The Body Language

So you’ve met someone that you’re interested in, and you’ve decided to ask them out. What now? Before you set a plan in motion, think over the interaction you’ve had with this person so far. You want to be sure they’ll be at least somewhat receptive to your advances. How did they act when you spoke with them in person? Were they upbeat, laughing at your jokes, and smiling a lot? What was their body language like? Did he or she lean in close when you were talking? Did they ever rest their hand on your arm or shoulder, or even give you a hug at the end of the night? All of these actions are indicators that they’re attracted to you.

If they acted in the opposite manner—closed off, somber, etc.—they probably aren’t interested. Don’t waste your time asking someone out, unless the evidence points to them liking you.

Coming Up With The Right Material For A First Date

If the person you’d like to be dating is a friend of a friend, there’s no shame in doing some reconnaissance work. Ask your friend for a little background on your new love interest. This will allow you to come up with a plan for a date that will be that much more enticing. Besides, your mutual friend may mention your interest to the guy or gal you’re pursuing, which will allow your friend to further gauge their interest in you.

If you don’t have a friend in common, try to recall anything that might have come up during your previous conversations with your intended. Did they mention a favorite band or sports team that you could get tickets to see? Maybe they brought up a movie or show they have been hoping to check out. If your date idea references something they mentioned when talking to you, that will show him or her that you’re very attentive and thoughtful.

Making The Phone Call

Now that you’ve got a date plan in mind and have decided that this individual is definitely interested in you, it’s time to call them up. Never invite someone on a date using email or a text message. In an ideal world, you’d be able to ask them in person, but if you’re not going to see each other soon, phone flirting is your best bet. Be simple and straightforward in your speech, without being forceful or over the top.

Say hello and ask how he or she has been doing, then get right to the point. Tell them how you enjoyed talking to them the last time you saw them. Then ask them if they’d be interested in going out with you to whatever event you’ve decided on. Tell them you’d really like to get to know them better in a one-on-one setting, just to make sure they don’t think you’re asking them to a group hang. Thanks to your advance planning and clear, simple wording, odds are very good you’ll get the yes you’re hoping to hear.

Top 10 First Date Ideas – Where To Go & What To Do

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 14:00:37 +0000

Coming up with original first date ideas isn’t easy. You’re looking for something that isn’t cliche, something sweet and fun with just a hint of romance and sexual tension. You want everything to be perfect! Dinner and a movie is played out, so here are some amazing and unique first date ideas that you can use to “wow” your date and get a second date before the first one is even over!

Take A Ride At The Amusement Park

Who doesn’t love the nostalgic feeling of eating cotton candy and riding the rides at an amusement park? This is an excellent opportunity for flirting like you’re both teenagers again. Bonus points if you win her a stuffed animal from one of the carnival games.

Have A Lunch Date

Dinner is cliche, but having a lunch date isn’t! It’s a casual way to get to know someone, without the pressures that an intimate, romantic dinner on a first date can bring. If there’s chemistry there, you can take a longer lunch or extend the date – but if there’s none, a quick lunch is a great excuse to keep it short and sweet.

Learning Something New Together

Taking a class with someone you’re interested in is a great first date idea. Learning something new together is a great way to bond emotionally and to discover the chemistry between you two.

The Beach Or Lake

A romantic walk on a moonlit beach is every girl’s fantasy, but make sure to keep your eyes on her and not on the other eye candy that might be strolling around on the sand. This is a great way to turn a simple date into something much, much more.

Pool, Golf, Or Game Of Your Choice

A little friendly, flirty competition may be exactly what you need to secure a second date. Don’t forget to make a wager – loser takes the winner out for dinner next time.

Wine Tasting

Going wine tasting gives you a legitimate reason to have a few drinks to help your first date nerves! It’s also a great way to experience and taste new wines and cheeses and is a great date for two people who truly enjoy wine. Bonus points for finding a special new wine that becomes “our wine.”

Take Her Bowling

Bowling is great way to check out just how competitive he is! Whether you are any good at it or not, it is a laid back activity that gives you a chance to have a laugh together and relax. It’s great for a bit of flirting and he can use his manly skills to show you just how it’s done.

Head Out For A Bike Ride

Free, fun activities are great first date ideas in the credit crunch and enjoying the outdoors is one of the best. Unlike going for a long walk, a bike ride means you don’t have the pressure of having to find constant conversation. Take a picnic and stop for some nice leisurely breaks together when you want to talk and get to know each other.

Go For Dessert

When money is tight, there should always still be room for dessert, so why not make it the highlight of the night? It is a bit more fun and quirky than going for dinner, it makes for a cheap first date, and there is less pressure to find enough conversation to fill three courses. It’s also super romantic and sexy because you can feed each other small bites of the most decadent pies and cakes!

Roller Skating Or Ice Skating

Roller skating or ice skating makes for an excellent first date, especially if one of you is better than the other at the activity. “Teach” your partner how to roller or ice skate, or let them teach you! This is a romantic way to bond and you’ll probably end up in each other’s arms (and on the ground) more than once!

Go Scuba Diving Or Snorkeling

Scuba diving or snorkeling is a completely unique first date idea. If you live nearby an ocean or beach, explore the fish, coral reefs and marine life together. You won’t have the pressure of making a ton of conversation (because you’ll be underwater most of the time), but there will be plenty of time to connect with each other before the swim and after. You’ll also get to check out each other in your bathing suits! Bring a picnic lunch or dinner just in case everything goes well – besides, you’ll both be hungry after the swim!

5 Great First Date Ideas To Get Laid

Vin DiCarlo — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 14:00:00 +0000

A first date is always super special. The romance, the excitement and meeting a new woman for the very first time. For most men – and maybe you – the ultimate first date ends in a good night kiss, where you sweep her off her feet. The kind of good night kiss that makes her invite you to come in to her place and spend the night.

The real question is, how would you make it happen? How can you get a woman to invite you in after your very first date? The answer is so simple, it’s obvious: Go on a great first date.

In this article, you’ll discover five great first dates you can take any beautiful woman on so you can get laid. They’re proven winners for me and thousands of other men from around the world. And they’re fun first dates she’s NEVER been on, ever before. So you’ll “wow” her, no problem.

Check Out Her Toy Collection

Girls are silly, emotional creatures. And these silly, playful emotions are what makes her so fun when having sex. So go on a first date that gets her juices flowing. And make her laugh and smile more than any other man she knows.

Taking her to Toys R Us – or any toy store – for a first date lets you both play with stuff, hands on. So you’re sharing an activity (something most women complain men don’t do ENOUGH.) Plus, she’ll let her guard down around you. And you’ll be able to start flirting with her on a deeper, more sexual level.

Here are some great, fun activities you two can do, together, on your Toys R Us date:

Build your fantasy castle with Legos (some Toys R Us have block pits, others don’t. If the local store in your town doesn’t, do it in her mind – ask her what her ideal Lego castle palace would look like)
Ask her what her favorite childhood toy was, and why (you can always buy it for her later on in your relationship – earning you HUGE brownie points)
Throw the bouncy balls back and forth (you can even carry one with you, to bonk her with, when she’s not looking)
Generally – if it makes her laugh and smile, you’re doing something right. And it’s impossible to go wrong, when you’re surrounded by toys.

How To Use Whipped Cream On A First Date

Take your date to a cooking or baking class, where you two can make something together. Then, once you’ve finished making the food, eat it together. If she is creative and/or has tons of other guys chasing her, you’ll stand out head and shoulders above the rest. Not to mention, you’ll start to build “long term potential” so you’ll have less “resistance” when you two start to get intimate, later on in the night.

Where can you find these great cooking dates? Try sites like www.Groupon.com. They’ll hook you up with great deals and huge discounts.

Here are a few tips to make your cooking and dinner date even more fun:

Have a dessert date, instead of a dinner one (the food is lighter, so she won’t feel full and unsexy later, when she goes to take off her clothes)
Not to mention chocolate is a gigantic aphrodisiac (guaranteeing your woman is “in the mood” once the sun sets)
Paint her with food – whipped cream, chocolate sauce or tomato sauce on her nose. (Teasing like this gives you “bad boy” sex appeal without being a jerk – keep it off her clothes, though)
Compliment her on how well she’s doing. Giving her approval now will make her feel special and loved, making her willing to give compliments, praise and sex, to you.

If You’re Going To Do Dinner, Do This Instead

Take your date to a restaurant with a “theme.” This includes places like Ninja restaurant, the Rainforest Cafe and THOUSANDS of other, smaller bars and cafes. You’re looking for a place with a warm, friendly atmosphere. In a big city, look for places the “locals” hang out. Ideally, places with lots of character.

Piano bars are great for this. As are some diners, some cafes and any SPECIALTY coffee shop or bar. In smaller towns, this is a much harder option to find, however, you two can make a trip to the big city, together, and treat this dinner like a mini vacation. (Save traveling together for a second or third date, though)

Once you’re at a nice local place that’s “off the beaten path,” here’s how to make the most of your first date:

When you order, ask the server what he or she recommends. Go with one of the answers, no matter what it is. (This shows you’re open to new experiences and adventures – very attractive to women. Also, you’re able to lead others and make quick decisions. Little things like this COUNT)
Order her something you think she’ll like, for dessert. (Women like a man who leads, so here’s exactly what you should say, “My friend came here and said X DESSERT was great. You’ve got to try it, so I’ll order us one.” Say this right before your waiter comes over, then give him or her your order)
After dinner, include an activity that lets you two just sit around and talk. Sitting in a park, watching the stars and finding some place to just people watch are all great ideas. (You want to let her settle and digest, plus special “mood” and “bonding” chemicals come out right after dinner, when you sit down and relax)

Shop For Cars, Clothes & Houses

Window shopping is the be-all, end-all way to impress a woman you just met. It’s the ultimate fantasy: You take a woman to the most expensive stores you can find, or on a walk around one of the really fancy neighborhoods. And you ask her what she’d like to own. You make her imagine owning it. Then you both feel like you’ve just lived “the good life” together, making her emotional bond to you super strong.

Here are the keys to some bad ass window shopping dates:

Start the date like this, “I like to walk around and look at all the high quality stuff wealthy people can buy. It motivates me to make something of myself and keep on going, even when the times get tough.” (You’re showing her your motivation and your passion for life. This is a MASSIVE turn on, for her)
Go for the big, BIG ticket items – Window shopping clothes and jewelry is cool, but if she’s into cars, go check out Ferraris and Aston Martins, instead. (And if she’s a clothes girl, find the nicest places in town. Bigger prices mean bigger fantasies)
Have fun! Relax! And remember to ask: “Which one of these do you like best?” Followed by: “Why?”

Get Messy Together

This first date idea isn’t for the faint of heart. Or for the timid. Or for most women.

But if she is an adventurous, tough girl on your hands, try inviting her to a paintball match. (You’ll want to run it by her, beforehand) The adrenaline, the teamwork and the physical movement together will a) make her have tons of fun and b) get her emotions and hormones charged up for sex, later.

Plus – It’s impossible not to be flirty with someone when they just shot a paintball at your face.

Here are the key tips to great paintball dating:

Go for two or three games – no more, no less. You want one game on her team, one game on the other. And you want it to end before either of you get bored. Short and sweet is best of all.
When you are on her team, stay close and protect her. When you’re on the other, make sure to target her out. This way, you’re protecting her and pushing her buttons – both highly emotionally intense for a woman.
Again, always have fun! (So for this date, you’ll want to run it by her in advance. For most others, you can surprise her with it)

Online Dating: Taking It Offline – Meeting For The First Time

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 12 Dec 2010 14:00:24 +0000

Online dating seems easier than traditional dating at first, but that’s before you realize that at some point you’re going to have to take the relationship offline and into real life. You can’t have a relationship solely online – people crave intimacy and touch, whether it’s a hug, a face to face conversation or something more. If you’re really into someone you met through an online dating website, consider getting to know them in person. However, there are some safety tips to keep in mind for your first date! Here are 5 tips to help your first date go smoothly!

Safety First!

When it comes to dating, it’s easy to let your hormones and emotions get in the way of making rational decisions. However, it’s important to remember that you really don’t know someone until you’ve had the first date and have hung out with them a few times. You may think you know them from the conversations that you’ve had through the online dating website, but your imagination will never fail to fill in the gaps and convince you that you know someone when you really don’t. Always keep safety in mind during online dating and hooking up with someone for the first time.

1. Meet In A Public Place. Always make your first date with someone you’ve met on the Internet in a public place during the day, where there are lots of other people around. This ensures that if your date was planning something sly, they definitely won’t try to pull it off in a public place during the day. If you meet someone online and they only want to meet up with you at night or in a place where not a lot of people go, you know what to do – kick them to the curb and look for someone else a little less shady.

2. Plan For A 30 Minute First Date. When making plans for your first time with someone in person, make it a short introduction at first to meet them and get acquainted with them. This isn’t where you’re going to really get to know them or learn all of their deep, dark secrets. You can still have a great relationship later on with someone, even if you didn’t spend hours talking to them on a magical first date. Set a time up to meet your date right before you have “something else you need to get to” and leave it at that. If the first date went poorly and you didn’t connect well with them, you’ll be glad you gave yourself the out ahead of time. If you do end up connecting with them, schedule another time to hook up when you have more time.

3. Tell A Friend. When going on a date for the first time with someone that you met through online dating, make sure you let a trusted friend know what is going on. Always tell your friend where you’re going, who you’ll be with, how long you’ll be gone and how to reach you while you’re there. If you turn up MIA, your friend will be able to contact the authorities right away before something really bad happens. While abductions and date rape during first dates are somewhat uncommon, don’t ever assume that it’s not going to happen to you. By taking a few simple precautions, you can be sure you won’t end up one of the statistics.

4. Check In With Your Friend. After your first date is over, make sure you check in with your friend. Let them know you’re safe and sound so they won’t worry about you – or worse, contact the authorities when it is completely uneccessary. Always take these two steps the first few times you go somewhere with someone that you met online dating.

5. Never Meet Alone. It may seem harmless, but you never want to meet someone for the first date at their home, a hotel or motel room or anywhere at night. This can be very dangerous! Again, if someone only wants to meet you at these places, they’ve probably got something up their sleeve.

When To Practice Online Dating Safety Tips

It may be difficult, but you always want to take these precautions for the first three or four dates, or longer if you’re not completely comfortable with someone yet. You’ll generally get an idea of whether someone is “for real” or not over the first few dates. If they’re making stuff up or being shady, it’s not going to take you very long to figure it out and move on to someone who isn’t wasting your time. Don’t ever go on a first date with someone you met online without taking a few safety precautions because you think nothing bad will happen to you. If something bad goes down, you’ll really wish you had. The best way to have fun is to stay safe!

The Art Of The Innerview

Maryanne Comaroto — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 23:00:31 +0000

Mastering the art of the inner-view is worth every effort; slowing down, taking time to get to know someone and asking the tough questions, waiting to see if someone’s answers are revealed in their actions, remembering all the while that real love cannot be negotiated and great relationships begin within. And why not? What better investment is there when it comes to the real thing; authentic connection, the foundation for a loving, lasting relationship? Unless you’re convinced posturing, playing games and being insincere in an effort to gain power or avoid being hurt is the way to go.

What To Know Before The First Date

Either way, finding out that the person you are sincerely interested in is; already in a relationship, married with 2 children, has absolutely no interest in being in a relationship with you, or just wants to use you for sex, isn’t pleasant. And if being in a great relationship were really as simple as having the right chemical reaction at the right time, stating the obvious would be way more fun (and I wouldn’t be writing this blog).

Let’s get to that one thing you should know before you head out on a first date, as promised in the last blog. We have talked about the importance of checking out who someone else is, what they are bringing to the “party,” but we haven’t really talked much about what will happen when the shoe is on the other foot; when the person you’re interested in starts asking YOU.

I was just thinking this morning, What if I were single, what would I be afraid of someone asking me, or maybe want to take my time divulging? You may not want to mention a host of things to someone you have just met, but the bottom line is; whatever your secrets, they will eventually create separation if you don’t come to terms with them. There are some things we did and have enough distance from that we can joke about; then there are things we have done that we might feel ashamed of (or still be doing) that we would rather someone not know, ESPECIALLY when we first meet. The one thing you should keep in mind before you go out on a date is the expression “If you can dish it out, be prepared to take it!” Another way of saying that is; be kind and graceful when you ask the tough questions as a rule, but also because you know there are things you yourself may still feel tender about! This is an inquiry, not an investigation. Please be graceful when asking, forthcoming when asked.

Questions To Ask On The First Date

Here are the five questions everyone looking for a healthy, fulfilling, sustainable relationship should ask (or find out) on a first date:

If the person is actually single; not married, separated but sleeping in separate bedrooms, etc.
If they are available emotionally available (not still recovering from the last relationship)
If they want a real relationship or are only in it for the sex
Have had any long-term relationships or evidence that they are capable of commitment
If they want children, I know this is tough on a first date but could be a potential nightmare and heartache if you don’t get real about it right away!

So there you have it my beloveds, stay tuned for my new book coming out called DIRT, Plan B: 101 Questions That Make Or Break A Great Relationship!

Top Things Women Do To Screw Up A First Date

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 23:00:34 +0000

Men and women are definitely equal in one way; both have an infinite capacity to screw up the first date! Embarrassing moments are far from gender specific and both men and women can make huge mistakes on the first date. So, without further ado, here’re the ladies’ top ways to ensure she never sees her crush again.

She said:

Being Clingy

Acting clingy is a HUGE no-no, whether it’s the first date or the hundredth. Embrace your confidence, not your fear.

Being On Your Cell Phone

Same cell phone etiquette goes here. Calling your best friend in the middle of a date won’t get you support – it will likely get you in trouble after your date overhears every word.

Not Keeping Cash On Hand

Despite my previous advice, do have some cash in your wallet. It’ll save an awkward situation if the “who’s paying” agreement hasn’t been sussed out in advance. You know what they say about assuming.

Being Fake

Don’t put on the “I’m perfect” act. We all know you’re human. The guy you’re seeing should be falling for you, not a facsimile of whom you think he wants to see.

Talking Too Much

There’s plenty of time to get to know each other, if all goes well. It’s really difficult to bounce back from verbal diarrhea, as the unpleasant name implies.

Flirting With Another Guy

Flirting with another guy while you’re out on a date is not cool – even if said date isn’t going well. It’s not in good form, period. You’ll come across as rude, a game-player, or both.

Acting Like You’re In A Relationship With Your Date

Don’t act like you’re already in a relationship. Slow your roll, honey! You don’t need to play games, but don’t go picking out China patterns either.

Being Late

If you’re meeting at an agreed-upon location, don’t be late. You’re playing into a stereotype, as well as wasting someone’s time.

Being Rude

Smiles, everyone! Whether it’s a match made in heaven, or less chemistry than a turkey in a freezer, manners still count. If your companion for the evening isn’t your dream guy, you can still be graceful about it.

Lying

Lying about your age or your career? Don’t. Save the padding for resumes and bras. If you get serious about each other, your guy will find out – and he may question what else you aren’t telling the truth about. Who wants to be branded a liar?

He said:

Forcing It

You know what you want. A boyfriend/husband/knight in shining armor/whatever. You tell your perspective partner this. A lot. He’s going to get turned off fast. Let him know where you’re at, but don’t beat him over the head with it. Don’t think you’re his girlfriend until he says so. Period.

Seeming Interested When You Know You’re Not

If you’re into him, great. If not, don’t waste his (or your) time. Go into the date with a time constraint. No first date should last longer than thirty minutes. You’ll know in the first thirty seconds if you like him or not. If you want to stay past the allotted time frame, great! Then do so, but put one in place prior to showing up, show you both can eject if it’s not happening.

False Advertising

If you’re a small chested girl, show it. If you’re a large chested girl, show it. There’s nothing wrong with either, but I should know which I’m dealing with before I get the shirt off. This goes to all aspects of who you are. If you want someone who will love you for whom you are, you’d better start of by showing him who that is and seeing if he’s interested. If he’s not, move on.

Looking For A Road Map

If you ever find yourself wondering “where is this relationship going?” that’s a bad sign. The truth? You know where it’s going, you’re just not happy with it. Love isn’t something you question. It’s something you know. Asking for a sign is in fact a sign. Not a good one.

Q&A: Flirting Tips – How To Deal With That Awkward Silence

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 14:00:13 +0000

It happens to everyone – you know, that awkward silence or conversation dead zone during a date where neither you nor your partner are sure what to say next. Are silences always uncomfortable, or can it be a good thing sometimes? Here’s how to enjoy the silence from time to time, but also how to plan things to ask so you and your partner can have great conversations and really get to know each other!

Question: I want to know what to say when it gets all silent when you’re talking to girl, because I really don’t know what to say next! I feel like I’ve already talked about everything. Please help, thanks!

–YouTube Viewer

Silence Isn’t Always A Bad Thing

Having a few quiet moments during a date isn’t so bad, especially if you’re having a meal together. You and your partner need time to actually eat! Society conditions us to be around noise all the time, through television, radio and the Internet. Most people’s homes nowadays aren’t quiet at all – there’s always some kind of noise or talking going on in the background. So naturally, people begin to feel comfortable around constant noise and are actually made uncomfortable by being in silence. Sometimes silence is good. However, there is a big difference between that good old fashioned “comfortable silence” and the awkward kind that can go on a bit too long. Here’s how to combat the latter.

Learn More About Her

While you may be tempted to talk on and on about yourself because you’re A) not really sure what questions to ask her and B) you’re afraid of letting the conversation die, talking only about yourself on the first date is the quickest way to throw away your chance at a second date. Take some time to plan out some different types of questions to ask your date so you can get to learn more about her. Ask her questions about her day, where she works, what she likes and what her favorite things are. Ask her what she might do in different hypothetical situations. Believe it or not, these types of questions can help you learn a lot about a person! Be prepared to answer the same questions yourself. You may find that a lot of questions open up new conversations!

Use A Cheat Sheet

If you’re talking to your partner on the phone, having a cheat sheet full of questions you want to ask is a great way to keep the conversation going. While some dead time is almost always acceptable during a face to face date, dead time on the phone usually isn’t. Need some help thinking of questions to ask your date to keep the conversation going? Use Michael Webb’s 1000 Questions For Couples. It’s a comprehensive guide absolutely chock full of tons of questions that you can ask your partner – and not just the usual ones that you hear all the time. These questions will really get the ball rolling on a date. They’re also great questions to ask even if you’ve been in a committed relationship with someone, because many of these questions you probably won’t know the answer to even if you’ve been with your partner for years!

Top Things Men Do To Screw Up A First Date

He Said/She Said with John & Jenna — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 23:00:47 +0000

So guys, you got her number, you set it up, and here you both are. On the first date. Congratulations! Not! Any idiot can get a date with a woman, but what if you want to be dating her? How do you get from the first date to the second? Well, let’s start with what NOT to do. One step at a time, grasshopper.

Top Things Men Do To Screw Up A First Date – What She Said

How could a man screw up a first date? Oh, let me count the ways! John’s going to hate this, but I’m gonna say it – if a man asks a woman out on a first date and doesn’t pay, it’s a huge turnoff. Show me some effort, show me respect – and don’t show up late. Once again, I’m not saying it comes down to how much you spend – in this case it’s truly the thought that counts. That said, let me countdown the proverbial “Top Ten:”

1. See above. Have plan and have your wallet on hand. You don’t want to pay? There probably won’t be a second date. The last thing I want to hear the first time out is, “How ya doin’ for cash?” How am I doing? Fine, thanks to the $20 I have in my purse that I’m using to take a cab home.

2. Ogling other women. You want to eye that waitress’s ass? Do it on your own time. I’m not crazy enough to think you’re never going to look at another woman, but the first date isn’t the time or place.

3. Pressing for sex. If there’s a mutual attraction, it’ll happen in its own sweet time. A first date is different from a one-night stand. Know the difference.

4. Expecting your mind to be read. Did you have a great time? Call and say so! Guesswork isn’t sexy.

5. Talking about the ex. This is our time to get to know each other. Chatting about another woman isn’t high on my list. Keep the ex-girlfriend information to yourself until the relationship deepens.

6. Cell phone. Keep the cell phone in your pocket. Stopping to take a call, text or check your email? Not cool. Eyes and ears akimbo. If you’ve got a busy phone, enjoy the buzzing in your pocket and check your messages later.

7. Getting drunk – like really, really drunk. Do a few beers make you a little chatty? Great. Nothing wrong with a warm glow, as long as safe transportation is arranged. Irish Car Bombs and a Taco Bell run? No excuse for this behavior, unless your next stop is AA.

8. Referring to yourself in the third person. It’s not wrong – but it creeps me out. It makes me wonder what other personality tics you have tucked away.

9. Showing up with another person. It’s a date, not a party. Save the chaperone for the 8th grade dance.

10. Talking too much. Do you loooove the sound of your own voice above all others? Then you might as well skip the date and stay home with your mirror. Talking incessantly due to nerves is one thing. Extolling your virtues via a monologue is another.

Top Things Men Do To Screw Up A First Date – What He Said

It’s funny that Jenna said guys need to show up on time. I love showing up late for dates. I do it purposefully, because most women are always late, and I figure, I’ve got extra time, and why not make HER wait for ME? Anyhoo, here’s the list:

As a guy, you have to realize the cold hard facts. A man doesn’t choose a woman. A woman chooses a man. If you want a girl that’s a “10,” that’s fine, but why should she choose you? You have to provide her with something that no one else does. That starts with being interesting. Have opinions. Voice them, without being overbearing or close minded. Be someone she can’t figure out. Be mysterious, yet open. Chicks love that stuff.

1. Not taking the lead. It’s a man’s job to lead. Period. Most women (assuming they are feminine and not masculine in nature) want to be led. That doesn’t mean be a dick, but it does mean you are the director of the experience. As Chris Rock once said, “anything you mutter ain’t getting done.” Saying “Where do you want to go?” won’t get you anywhere. Saying “Oh my god. You totally need to try the Margaritas at [X], meet me there Sunday at 7:30” will work. If she can’t make it, she’ll let you know, but she wants a man, damn it. Be the man.

2. Being predictable. Ever wonder why women love those bad boys? It’s because they don’t know what’s coming next. They have absolutely no idea what to expect, and they love that. They need that. They crave it. It’s something primal for them, almost. Now I’m not advocating treating women like crap, but if you can offer them the best of both worlds, she’ll eat that up. Be mysterious. Tell her to pack a bag for the weekend, and refuse to tell her where she’s going. Always keep her guessing. She should never know everything about you. Always keep a little bit hidden.

3. Treating it like a job interview. I’m not saying don’t get to know her. I’m just saying I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people out on dates, and they have all the sexual chemistry of a job interview. In Utah. I’m not saying you have to take her in the bathroom and do her, but you have to let her know you have sexual desire for her, and not be too shy about it, but not be too forceful either.

If I’m on a date with a woman and I don’t generate some sexual electricity, I will wind up in the friend zone (that is, if I am ‘lucky’).

4. Listening to her words, and not her body. Before you cut my head off, let me explain. Listen to her words yes, but pay extra attention to what she’s saying WITHOUT words. Often times her mouth will say one thing, but her body will say another. I remember going out with a woman on a first date and I thought it was going horrible. Why? Because she kept telling me how full of shit I was. Kept telling no, but her body was SCREAMING yes. Her eyes were super dilated, as if she was forcing them open to take all of me in, kept “accidentally” bumping into me, playing with her hair etc. I was shocked when I got a second date, because I was so clueless on the first.

5. Going too sexual too fast. Jenna said don’t force sex on the first date. I agree, but I don’t think there’s a set time frame for when sex is appropriate. The right time is when it feels right for her. That can be ten dates from the first time you meet, or ten minutes from the time you meet. It all boils down to how you do it, no pun intended. A one night stand is different that relationship sex. The difference can be summed up in one word: comfort. She needs a different comfort level for relationship sex. She wants you to want to want her, but for more than just booty. She needs to know that

6. Not setting up the second date. If you want a second date with this person, it should be set up long before you ask for it, midway through the first date ideally. Make plans for the second one, subtly. Start by dropping hints about amazing places to take her, restaurants that you know of (one’s that she’s never tried, of course), things like that. Relationships are all about planting seeds (not like that, you pervert). So sew them well.

Q&A: Blind Date Tips

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 06 May 2010 14:00:53 +0000

Blind dates can be nerve wracking from the get go. You know your blind date will be scrutinizing everything about you from what you’re wearing to what you look like. Beauty, of course, is only skin deep. How can you get your partner to open up and get to know you instead of just paying attention to what is on the outside?

Question: I am going on a blind date and from what I know she is incredibly beautiful. I am not the best looking guy around, but I know she is almost a perfect match for me interest wise. But girls are shallow now-a-days and never look past the skin. I think if all goes right, it could be great. What do I do to get her to want to get to know me?

–YouTube Viewer

Not All People Are Shallow

While a lot of people may appear shallow at first glance, or even may seem shallow when you first start getting to know them, they might not be shallow at all. Not everyone is shallow and while feeling attracted to someone is important on a first date, many people do look past the surface and try to get to know someone for who they are on the inside. Some people really are shallow though, and it wil be impossible to know whether your date is judging you based on what you look like or if she’s actually paying attention to you. As important as it is for two people not to judge each other on looks alone, it’s just as important not to assume your date is shallow from the get go. Give her the benefit of a doubt.

Be Yourself

The best way to show your blind date who you really are inside is to be yourself. Making a good first impression is important, but don’t do it in a way that goes against who you really are. Keep an open mind and stay relaxed, remembering to just let her get to know you without having to pretend to be someone or something you’re not. If you end up going on more than one date with this person or develop a relationship with them, eventually the truth will come out. It makes no sense to try to fake it, because when she does get to know the real you, she will be upset for you having pretended from the get go.

Don’t Force It

While you may feel like you and your date have everything in common and more and will hit it off really great, sometimes that just doesn’t happen and there’s nothing you can do about it. Go with the flow and let whatever happens happen. Just focus on having a good time and being yourself, without trying to force the date to become something. If you and your blind date don’t hit it off, don’t stress and don’t automatically attribute it to your looks. Some people click and some people don’t. There are plenty of people out there that you will click with, so it’s important to keep a good attitude about it and keep dating!

Q&A: When She Says You Deserve Someone Better

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 21:00:24 +0000

Asking a girl out, or telling a girl that you have romantic feelings for her, can be intimidating. If she returns your feelings, great. If she doesn’t, that’s ok too. But what if she tells you that you deserve someone better? What does it mean? Does she like you but have poor self esteem, or is she just trying to let you down easy? Here’s how you can figure out this difficult situation.

Question: What do you do when you tell her how you feel about her but she says you deserve someone better?

–YouTube Viewer

She’s Letting You Down Easy

Sometimes women find it difficult to let a guy down if she doesn’t return his feelings. She doesn’t want to hurt him, so she finds a way to blame herself instead of just saying that she doesn’t have romantic feelings for you. This may be the case if you’ve revealed your romantic feelings for her and she’s told you that you “deserve someone better.” She may be too afraid to tell you the truth.

She Has Poor Self Esteem

Many women have poor self esteem and if she’s told you that you deserve someone better than her, she may really believe it. She may feel like she’s worthless, or that she doesn’t deserve a healthy, happy relationship. There are many reasons that a woman may feel this way and it has nothing to do with you. She may have had self esteem issues for years, stemming from childhood. It may have to do with her parents or an old, abusive boyfriend. It may even be more than one issue that contributes to her self esteem issues. Regardless of where her poor self esteem stems from, the end result is the same – she can’t commit to a relationship or even begin dating someone because she doesn’t feel like she deserves it. It can be difficult though, to figure out whether she’s telling you that you deserve someone better because she has low self esteem or because she’s trying to let you down easy.

Ask Her To Be Honest With You

The only way to find out what her true motivations are in this situation is to ask her to be truthful with you. Don’t be angry or critical – just be open with her and encourage her to be open and honest with you as well. Tell her that no matter what, you won’t judge her for whatever is going on in her life. Let her know that even if she doesn’t return your romantic feelings and that’s why she told you that you deserve someone better, you’ll understand and that you can be friends if she wants or nothing at all. If she truly has poor self esteem, it’s important to let her know that you want to be there for her and that she’s worth a good relationship. She may not respond right away, but showing that you care for her may lead to a friendship which may turn into a romantic relationship at some point when she feels ready.

Q&A: What Went Wrong On The First Date

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 21:00:23 +0000

So many things can go wrong on a first date – but sometimes it seems as nothing went wrong and it still ends up getting weird for seemingly no reason! This can be incredibly frustrating, especially if you feel as though the date actually went well. What do you do if it seems like all of a sudden they’re just not that into you? How can you find out why?

Question: I went on a date this guy who has been flirting with me for about a month and a half. He put his arm around me, we held hands, and we were cheek to cheek. I really like him, and I thought the date went well. But I guess he didn’t because he’s only talked to me a couple times since then, but not like he used to. Why is he doing this? What do I do?

–YouTube Viewer

Was There Chemistry On His Part?

Sometimes during a first date, one person feels lots of chemistry but the other may not. Even if you and your date end up holding hands, hugging or even kissing good night, this doesn’t mean that the chemistry is there for him. Often, physical things such as hand holding happen on a date just because it seems natural to do – it’s not a good indicator of whether both parties are really into each other or not. If your date isn’t calling you back or avoiding you all together, he may not just have had that chemistry with you and that’s ok. Sometimes it’s just not there.

He Wants To Avoid The Situation

It may be hard for a guy or girl to admit that although the first date seemed to go really well, that they just didn’t click with you. Often, they’ll just try to avoid the situation all together such as avoiding calling or talking to you. This can be incredibly frustrating though, and leave you wondering just what exactly you did wrong to deserve being given the cold shoulder. Don’t take it personally! It’s unlikely that you actually did something wrong during the date or upset them in some way – it’s more probable that your date is avoiding you because they’re afraid to tell you that the chemistry just wasn’t there.

If You Want To Know, Ask

If you want to know if you really did do something during the first date that pushed them away, or if you want to know if it just didn’t click for them, just ask! It may seem intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. There’s nothing wrong with casually asking what happened. Tell your date that you just don’t want it to be weird and it would be better if it were out in the open. If they didn’t have that chemistry with you, that’s fine. You can be friends if they want, or nothing at all. But there is nothing wrong with simply asking them what is going on because you deserve to know! It doesn’t have to be complicated if you don’t make it complicated.

How Can I Tell If My Date Really Likes Me?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 12:42:25 +0000

Navigating the dating world can be difficult for both men and women. It’s hard to tell what your date’s motivations are and if they really like you or not.

Both men and women can also send mixed messages too, making it even harder for you to figure out what is going on. How can you tell if your date really likes you?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How can I tell if she’s really into me?

–Jeff, North Carolina

Dating vs. Friends

The first way to tell if your date really likes you is to look at the dating pattern. Are you going on dates with this person alone or are you going on dates with other friends as friends? If you’re going on dates with them alone, do you continue to go out on dates or call each other?

If the answer is that you are dating this person, as in going on dates alone with them and spending time with them, chances are they really do like you. Neither men nor women will continue to date someone and continue to spend time with someone if they’re not at least a little interested.

If you’re dating someone, you can assume they like you enough to give you more chances, and they probably like you a lot!

If you and your date are going out with other people, such as your friends, it can be a little more difficult to figure out if they like you or not.

Body Language

Another way to tell if your date really likes you is to pay attention to their body language. Do they move close to you when they talk to you? Do they touch your arm or your leg as they’re having a discussion with you? If your date seems really interested in you and really does like you, you’ll be able to tell by watching their body language.

Talk To Them

The surest way to find out if your date is really into you is to simply talk to them! You can have a conversation with them that doesn’t put pressure on them or makes them feel awkward. Just be honest.

Talk to them like you would and old friend and ask in a casual way if they’re interested in you and would like to continue dating. Be careful not to ask questions like, “Where do you see this going?” or open ended questions like, “How do you feel about me?”

Make it as easy as possible for them to answer you truthfully. Your best option is a question where they can give you a simple yes or no answer.

If your date does express interest in you, take it at face value! Don’t try to read too much into it. In the beginning of the dating process, your primary goal is to simply spend time with your date, getting to know them and letting them get to know you.

You have a right to enjoy yourself and have fun, and your date does too! Try to keep “relationship” questions out of the picture as much as possible when you’re first dating someone, but that doesn’t mean you can’t casually ask if they’re interested in you! Just make it brief and uninvolved.

The Easy Way To Get A Girlfriend

Alex Shalman — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 13:07:51 +0000

On many occasions my guy friends would come to me for advice and ask me how they could get a girlfriend. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been dating since 6th grade, or possibility because they’ve never seen me without a girlfriend.

When it comes to dating, the number one thing to do is organize our priorities. It follows that the number one question to ask ourselves is, “why do I want to be in a relationship.”

Why Do YOU Want to Be in a Relationship?

The answer to this question will be very unique and personal to you. It could be for fun, for sex, for security, for comfort or a large variety of other reasons. Whatever your reason is, it’s important for you to have a clear distinction of what you’re looking for.

My current style of dating is “dating for marriage.” This means that I’m looking for someone that I think will make an awesome wife, will fulfill my needs till death do us part, and someone that I’ll be able to give my love to fully and easily. I would define this as a passionate-friendship.

This hasn’t always been my style of dating though. My dating technique used to consist of dating anybody who was interested in me.

With that technique at the center of my game I made some very wrong choices. Choices that would ultimately leave me feeling frustration and a lack of control.

Through much trial and error, and over a decade of dating, I’ve put together the pieces of the dating puzzle.

Now it’s simple to see that being a confident dater, and getting the person that you want, is as simple as defining what it is that you are looking for.

“So You’ve Figured it Out. Good For You, But What About Me?”

I have no intention of leaving you hanging without the answer that you’re looking for. The way to figure out what you want is to sit down with yourself, and carefully do an extensive self-examination of all of your needs and wants.

The key to this is to ask yourself all the right questions in all the important categories.

These questions aren’t magic, nor are they secret, and I have full intention of freely divulging them to you, at no charge, and at your earliest convenience.

While I’m at it though, I’d like to tell you some of the other tips and tricks that I have deciphered over the years.

What Do You Really Want?

I’d like to help you understand exactly what it is that you want. Then, I will show you how to build up the confidence so that you realize you deserve to have what you want.

After that, we’ll work on approaching the person of your dreams. We’ll work on communicating powerfully, so that you can really get your point across. Then we’ll close the deal together, as you learn a couple of sure-fire tactics for closing the deal and asking them out.

The great part about what I’m going to show you is that it’s not just for getting into a relationship, or “picking up girls (or guys).”

This technique works for people that are already in a relationship, and it also works for building successful business relationships.

This is where a lot of internet markets would say, come and get it for the low low price of something-something dollars.

However, I’m not selling anything. I genuinely want you to be in an amazing relationship, much like the one I went out and got, so that you can be fulfilled.

Think You Have to Let Him Call You First? Not Anymore!

Sarah Elizabeth Malinak — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 14:32:42 +0000

I saw a depiction of a young woman calling a man for a date while maintaining her sexy femininity! It was exciting to witness and I want to share it with you.

I realize that expressing my discomfort over the fact that these days both sexes expect that she will call him for that first date is a favorite drum I beat.

Time and couples have proven that when a woman allows a man to pursue her, if a relationship ensues, the relationship has a better chance of survival.

That means letting him call her first. It means letting him speak first with his voice, though she may speak first with her eyes and body language, giving him encouragement to pursue her.

Calling a Man in a Way That Allows Him to Maintain His Masculine Energy

Given that women call men for dates and that men expect them to, here’s how to do it in such a way that he gets to maintain his sexy position holding the masculine energy and she gets to maintain her sexy position holding the feminine energy!

In the movie, “Happy Go Lucky,” Poppy is a thirty-year-old single female, living in London. With her carefree attitude, it is no surprise that she is a successful grade school teacher. The fact that she is single doesn’t bother her a bit. In fact, the romantic relationship she begins doesn’t occur until the very end of the film.

She has a problem with one of her students becoming violent. A social worker named Tim gets involved. He turns out to be compassionate and effective. A handsome man, he and Poppy spark to each other instantly.

After their session with the student, Poppy walks Tim to the door where they have a flirtatious conversation and reveal their interest in each other. Tim asks Poppy if she would like to go out sometime. She giggles a flirtatious and humorous affirmation. He invites her to give him a call and gives her his phone number.

As Poppy’s life is full, she has plans for the weekend and doesn’t get around to calling him until Sunday. They flirt on the phone until she finally asks, “So, you fancy going out with me sometime?” They then arrange for the following Friday. The way the date is depicted on the screen is delightful in its charm.

Later, at his apartment, they make love. At the foot of his bed, Tim encircles Poppy’s waist with his hands and kisses her repeatedly while she stands in a pose of surrender with her arms akimbo. When she finally takes his head in her hands and caresses him, her touch is visibly warm and inviting.

The Depth of Their Intimacy

It is riveting as this carefree woman, easily taken for being silly, shows up as an excellent lover. Their intimacy the next morning as they putter around his apartment reveals the same tender depth.

He takes her home later in the morning because she has an appointment to keep. She winds up having a stressful day and doesn’t talk to him until the afternoon of the following day. Their conversation is flirtatious and fun as they revel in the possibility that they are falling in love.

How She Maintained Her Femininity While Allowing Him to Maintain His Masculinity

How did Poppy maintain her femininity, making space for Tim to maintain his masculinity; thereby, creating an energetic field where he would continue to pursue her?

First, Poppy isn’t needy, clingy, or suffocating. Her life is full. It isn’t empty because she doesn’t have a man. When this man comes along, even as she is receptive to his interest and advances, she remains independent and confident. That is such a turn on!

Confidence is Key

By waiting to call him for that first date, she further communicated her confidence. She also spoke to him in a language he understood. When a man is interested in a woman, he may take his time calling her, especially if his life is full.

When a man takes a woman out on a first date, he can take up to three weeks to call her back! It can take a man that long to realize he misses her and wants to be with her again. In the meantime, his life is full of work and other obligations. For her to take a day or two before calling him back feels natural to him.

When they scheduled the date for five days later, she communicated her confidence once again. Women who feel needful for a man in their life are quick to arrange for a date as soon as possible, preferably the very same day the call is made. Such quick scheduling communicates a woman’s neediness, serving as a yellow caution flag.

Again, after their first date, twenty-four hours transpire before she hears from Tim. She had a harrowing experience the day before, yet did not call him to share it with him. Instead, she processed the experience with her flat mate and best friend, Zoe.

This is a significant part of the recipe for a confident and sexy woman! Her life is full because not only does she have satisfying work, but also she has close women friends with whom she can talk and listen and they can process their feelings and lives together!

She doesn’t need her romantic relationship to meet all her emotional needs. If she isn’t currently in a relationship, such independence and confidence make a woman very attractive. If she is currently in a relationship, it contributes to the health of the relationship and the happiness of the individuals in it!

A man getting to be the man and a woman getting to be the woman within their romantic relationship is delicious. I am thrilled to discover that a man can give a woman his number, expecting her to call first, while they both maintain their same gender energy. It bodes well for the day they fall in love!

Why You Should Never Have Sex On The First Date

Victorya Rogers — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 19:39:16 +0000

Although not having sex on the first date seems to be the golden rule of dating, many men and women still end up in the sack after a dinner, a movie and just a few hours or less to get to know each other.

Are you setting yourself up for first date failure if you hop in bed right away? You bet!

The Dreaded Booty Calls

You might have or have had a few people on your speed dial who were good for one and only one thing, a booty call, but do you really want to be that person on someone else’s speed dial? No way!

If you go on a first date that ends up at your apartment or theirs, you’re setting yourself up to become their booty call of the future. Worse, if the sex was bad, they probably won’t call you at all. Think about that before you strip down to your skivvies after the first date!

Ruining Your Shot At A Real Relationship

To some people, being a booty call every once in a while isn’t a big deal and it doesn’t end up being a deterrent not to have sex on the first date. However, if you really like a person and want to try to develop a real relationship with them, you are definitely ruining your chance at that if you end up in bed together right after your first dinner.

Having sex with someone, whether it’s on the first date, the third or the 27^th date, halts the “getting to know you” process. After that point, it truly becomes a sexual relationship for awhile. If it lasts long enough, you and your partner will find a balance between spending time with each other sexually and spending time with each other outside of the bedroom.

Nevertheless, for a good period of time, you and your partner will be fairly focused on sex as you discover each other in a new way.

The Implications of Rushing It

If you rush into it, the getting to know you process will become obsolete and often leads to problems later in the relationship if there ever ends up being a relationship at all.

If you want a real shot at trying to build a relationship with someone, your best bet is to spend as long as possible getting to know their personality and their interests before you get to know their body.

Keeping It In Your Pants

Even if you’re with the hottest person on the face of the planet, having even just a little self control will definitely work to your benefit. You can avoid becoming just a booty call and you can even give yourself a shot at a real relationship.

When the time is right for sex, both you and your partner will feel it and it will most likely be better than either of you ever expected! Having sex too soon though, especially on the first date, will just end up sabotaging the whole dating process. Don’t waste your time!

Editor’s Note: this video and article represent the position of today’s guest and don’t necessarily reflect the opinion of Ask Dan & Jennifer. Generally speaking, having sex on the 1st date (or 2nd or 3rd) is not necessarily a problem. Each person, each couple, and each situation is different, so it’s important to follow what is right for you (age appropriate of course).

How To Make Great First Impression On Women

Tiffany Taylor — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 19:00:45 +0000

ALWAYS look your best. I know this sounds REALLY obvious but you’d be surprised by how many men don’t understand the importance of this simple tip.

You never know when the girl of your dreams will turn up, or where. And it’s become a bit of a cliché because it’s true. First impressions really do count.

Here are some figures to consider from my studies.

The Numbers

If you make a GOOD first impression on a woman, you have a 90% chance of EVER getting with her at that point (10% of women for whatever reason will be unreachable for most men at ANY point – she might like women herself etc).

If you make a BAD first impression your chances with her reduce drastically to just 20%. This means that to make her attracted to you AFTER the first 3 minutes of meeting her will be incredibly difficult if her first impressions of you were bad.

It’s the difference between climbing a mountain and using a helicopter to fly up one. Good first impressions means you’re on your way to the top in the helicopter, bad first impressions

Honestly, I can’t stress this enough. Always try to look your best.

Tiff’s 5 S’s of First Impressions

Shave. Shower. Stylish. Smell. Shoes.

Remember these 5 S’s and always take care of them before you go out.

Why are shoes my number 5 S?

Your shoes are the FIRST thing a woman really notices about your clothing and hence your appearance. Make sure your shoes are clean and fashionable.

The Importance of What You Wear

What you wear is very important. I could try to recommend a certain look but as with all things fashionable by the time you read this it may have changed.

Get the latest GQ magazine or other fashionable men’s magazine’s and imitate the styles you see there. Most women don’t really care what labels you are wearing as long as you look good so you don’t have to spend the Earth on clothing.

Many guys I help dress better usually comment on how strange they feel wearing clothes they are uncomfortable in, but nine times out of 10 they start to feel natural and even confident wearing their new wardrobe within days.

The Importance of Scent

Make sure you smell good. Again this is extremely important. Remember how you feel when a woman walks by you and she smells soooo good. You feel an instant attraction even though you don’t know her. Well, that’s how women feel too.

Wear a good-quality cologne, but don’t spray too much.

Don’t Get Carried Away

One squirt on both sides of the neck, and one squirt on both wrists — maximum. You don’t want to smell too overpowering.

I recommend cool water by Davidoff or John Paul Gautier for Men (often called JPG love juice because women love it) if they don’t sell it where you are try to order some from abroad, this stuff is GREAT!

And here’s a GREAT little SECRET that I have found will help you actually pickup about 24% of women without SAYING a word to them! Not a single word! And NO rejection either. You won’t find this anywhere else…

What To Do When He Doesn’t Call After Your First Date… What Happened?

Victorya Rogers — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 13:30:39 +0000

Almost every woman has been on a first date where the man didn’t call back afterwards, even if he said he would.It can be frustrating and even embarrassing, but it’s really very normal.

As a woman who hasn’t been called by your date, especially if you’re really interested in the guy, what can you do?

Going On With Your Life

If you’ve been on a first date with a really great guy and everything seemed to work out great, you might wonder whey he’s not calling you back. It’s important that you don’t obsess about it! Let it go and move on with your life.

You might think that it’s a lost opportunity or you might wonder what it was about you that he didn’t like, and you might be tempted to call him and find out why. Don’t! There are several reasons why he might not have called.

He might have lost your number – really. If he did and he really did like you, he’ll find a way to track you down. He might have had some kind of crisis, or he might be transitioning out of a relationship to make room for you in his life.

Or he might not have liked you. Whatever his reasons are for not calling back, you’re going to have to accept them even if you don’t know exactly what they are. If you call back, asking why he didn’t call, you’re definitely going to look like a psycho stalker woman. Just be cool, calm and collected about it and move on with your life, even going on dates with other men.

The Second Chance

If you didn’t like the guy all that much and he doesn’t call back, it’s really no big deal. If you did, however, really enjoy the time you spent with him, it’s a little more difficult to deal with if he doesn’t call back. You might get a second chance though!

Never Ask Why!

If your date returns your call two weeks or even a month later, never ask why he didn’t call. That will end it right then and there. Just be glad to hear from him! Act like no time has passed at all since the first date and the telephone call.

If you’re cool about the phone call, you’re going to change his first impression of you and probably make him wish he had called you sooner. Don’t make him regret calling you again at all.

This is the same as if you run into him somewhere, such as at the grocery store or a bookstore, even if he’s with another girl! Show him that it’s really no skin off your nose and that you’re pleased to see him. You might end up getting a call after that!

Maneuvering yourself within the dating world can be difficult. There are a ton of great guys out there, but the pressure is on, right? Wrong! Take the pressure off yourself, no matter how old you are or how good looking you are.

When women feel that the pressure is on to find a steady relationship, they get a little crazy and even the best of women can turn into someone a man never wants to go on a date with again. Just take the pressure off, relax and have fun! That’s what dating is all about.

Who Should Pick Up The Check On The First Date?

Victorya Rogers — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 13:13:46 +0000

First dates can be uncomfortable in and of themselves. It can be nerve wracking to try to figure out what you should do and what you shouldn’t do on a first date, while at the same time sizing your date up to try to figure out if you really like them.

While we believe that in the 21st century the “one who does the inviting” should pick up the check – whether man or woman… Special guest Victorya Rogers, feels that women need to use some good old fashioned values to catch the perfect man.

If you are a little more old school and believe that the man should always pay on the first date, it can get really uncomfortable if he just won’t pick up the check. What should you do?

When The Man Doesn’t Pay

The check for dinner is on the table. You haven’t made a move for it, because traditionally, the man pays on the first date. Unfortunately, he hasn’t seemed to make a move for it either. What do you do? Do you pick up the check just to be done with it?

Not necessarily. There are a few things you can do to make it obvious that you expect your date to pay for the check without outright asking that he do so. The first thing you can do is excuse yourself to the bathroom for a certain period of time.

Five or so minutes is usually sufficient, because it will seem like quite a while, but saying “I was only gone five minutes” sounds viable. In this time, your date may pick up the check. He may actually have been waiting for a moment like that to discreetly pay for the food.

Many men don’t want a big deal made out of the check, so they’ll pay it when a woman is in the bathroom or has made her way to the car already.

If you return and the check is still not paid, you can simply ask if you will be leaving soon or what his plans are for the rest of the evening. The point is to avoid asking about the check or mentioning at all.

If he wishes for you to pay the check or pay a portion of it, you’re going to make him ask you to do it directly. He may be waiting awhile, figuring that if he doesn’t say anything about it for a long period of time, you’ll simply pick up the check yourself. You’re not going to give him that opportunity! For you to pay the check, he is going to have to ask you outright.

If You End Up Picking Up The Check

If your date does, unfortunately, ask you to pay the check or pay a portion of the check, do so politely. Now is not the time to argue or make a scene. You can bet he won’t be getting another date though!

Many men who refuse to pay for the check or make the woman pay are either thinking of you as only a friend or trying to turn you into a one night stand and doesn’t want to make any investment because he’s looking for a quick getaway.

Do you really want to date someone like that again? If your date doesn’t pay on the first date and asks you to pay, especially after it’s after a long, drawn out awkward phase in which neither of you pay the checks, the guy doesn’t deserve any more of your time!

Are You Dating Mr. Or Mrs. Maybe? Stop It Already!

Scot and Emily McKay — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 13:10:11 +0000

I’m not sure where exactly it happened.

But somewhere along the way our culture decided that “dating” was synonymous with “having sex”. At the very least it’s viewed as such in the narrow minds of enough of the general population to keep tons of self-conscious people all over the fruited plain from dating more than one person at a time.

Why we’re dating one person at a time

And if that’s the prevailing mindset, the way most of us operate is understandable.

After all, most women are more than just a little protective of their reputations.

Meanwhile, on the guys’ side, there’s a deep-seated fear of being branded a “player”…often easily rooted out by a few well-placed questions from a woman on a first date.

What does all this fear lead to? You guessed it. People tend to date one person at a time—sometimes for months or even years—only to ultimately decide that the person they’re with isn’t The One.

Why it doesn’t work

So my question is a simple one.

How in the world is someone—man or woman—supposed to effectively figure out what he or she even really wants from “Mr. or Mrs. Right” when he or she is burning so many cycles hanging out with “Mr. or Mrs. Maybe”?

And can we change our collective mindset to one where “dating” several people at once isn’t only acceptable, but preferable?

For starters, I think it’s time to broaden our perspective. I think it’s time for a real, live re-evaluation of exactly what “dating” should be for.

What dating shouldn’t be

First of all, let’s clarify what dating shouldn’t be.

For starters, it shouldn’t necessarily be “practice marriage”, especially not on the first date (!) or shortly thereafter. If you are still looking at every date as a “marriage interview”, I wouldn’t be surprised if you ran into beaucoup frustrating, if not flat-out awkward moments out there.

Second of all, dating doesn’t have to be placed in a box with a particular label on it. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

Dating in the 21st century

If you’re into high-pressure, formal mood-killers like Ye Olde Dinner And A Movie, welcome to the 21^st century. First dates should be more interactive and fun…with plenty of opportunity to actually get to know each other.

After all, let’s face it. Unless you’re trying to intentionally limit your dating pool to people you work with and/or those whom your mother sets you up with, the “get to know you” part is going to be paramount.

And with literally everyone jumping on the online dating bandwagon these days, who in their right mind is still hell-bent on “dipping their pen in the company ink”? There are 3 billion MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) out there…most of them single!

How to date online

So what about online dating? When you meet someone you’ve been talking to online, that first meeting can’t even really be considered a “date” if you think about it.

After all, you should only be meeting casually at that stage to figure out if there’s any basic chemistry going on there at all.

That’s it. No stress, no strain. And certainly such meetings are without the necessity that any sex is going to be taking place…right there in Starbucks.

Now if the sparks fly, so be it. But my point is that this isn’t even really “dating”.

So what if there ARE sparks? Should there be wedding plans after the first date?

It sounds silly to even contemplate, doesn’t it?

Why you should date more than one person

Ultimately, I’d recommend LOTS of dates with lots of people before entering into an exclusive relationship with someone.

There are two great reasons for this.

First, life is too short to evaluate potential partners one at a time. Meeting and interacting with numerous people gives you a chance to find out what your real preferences are when it comes to MOTOs, as opposed to your pre-conceived ones.

And amazingly, it’s uncanny how having several options when it comes to your mixed-company social life begets amazing confidence. You don’t cling so desperately to each individual “opportunity”, and therefore you magically become more attractive to MOTOS in general.

Nothing succeeds like success, right?

Second, exclusive relationships should be meaningful. Why cheapen the experience by giving it away so quickly? Take time to get to know someone fully before selecting that person to the exclusion of all others.

Make it count

Make exclusivity count. If you fall in love, be sure about it and LOVE BIG.

Explain your philosophy to anyone you are “dating” who appears to be pressuring you into exclusivity too quickly. Be honest with MOTOS, and rest assured that it will typically result in real respect and even heightened attraction.

Now that sounds to me like the path of someone with real depth. And I don’t see any downside to that.

How You Can Turn Hesitation and Fear Into Positive Dating Experiences

Matt Savage — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 12:34:15 +0000

You are sitting next to the phone, staring a small scrap of paper in your hand. There is the name of the beautiful woman you met last night and scrawled just below it are ten digits, her phone number.

You’re sweating. Your throat is tightening. Your heart beats faster and faster. You pick up the phone and begin dialing. This is it. It’s make or break time.

You finger grazes over the last number on the dial pad and suddenly, in a fit of nervousness, you hang up. A wave of guilt rushes through your head. You begin to rationalize your cowardice.

"Tomorrow…yea, I’ll wait to call tomorrow. She’s probably busy and it’s too soon to call anyways," you say to yourself.

Ten days later…

You are walking out the door and happen to glance at a small scrap of paper sitting on the top of your burrow. It’s sitting there collecting dust.

"I should have called her sooner," you think, "She probably won’t even remember who I am. Well, it’s too late now."

You let out a heavy sigh, pick up the scrap of paper and toss it in the trash can.

Procrastinating in your dating life?

Has this situation ever happened to you? Have you ever been in a moment where you procrastinated in your dating life? Have you ever lost the person of your dreams because you were too nervous to make a move? Unfortunately, this hesitation is all too common, particularly for those of us that are still new to the dating scene.

Despite what Hollywood has taught us, there is never going to be that perfect magical moment. You will never have that special love scene, where you swoop into each others arms and ride off into the sunset. Life isn’t like that and you shouldn’t wait for it.

Less than perfect dating experiences

The truth is that your dating experiences will be less than perfect. It’ll be scary. It’ll be clumsy. And it’ll be awkward. That’s the way it is and you can’t think that you can avoid these things. Better yet, you should learn to embrace them. Rather than running away, work with what you have in the moment.

So how do you avoid the hesitation and take matters into your own hands? Easy. You just keep pushing through the fear barrier and use whatever is at your disposal.

If all you have is a squeaky voice and a stomach full of butterflies, then go with it. Even if it means failure. Because if you don’t at least try, you’ll never know what would’ve happened.

You are not James Bond, with all kinds of fancy gadgets and perfect timing at your disposal. No, you are MacGyver. All you have is this little crappy Swiss Army knife and a roll of Duct tape. The clock is ticking and you either use the materials you have with you or you fail. That’s just the way it is, accept it and live it.

"Hi, this is MacGyver. We all know how these things work, so when you hear the beep, go for it." – MacGyver’s answering machine

To learn more about Matt Savage, visit www.TheModernSavage.com.

Are You Setting Yourself Up For Heartache With Unrealistic Dating Expectations?

Lisa Quirke — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:28:21 +0000

The thing about dating expectations is that sometimes, even when you don’t really have any, they can reach right around and bite you right in the butt.

It can be hard to keep expectations at a realistic level and that’s not even the half of it.

Why? Because there’s another person involved with expectations all their own.

Even at its simplest level, dating is full of expectations. From expecting the phone to ring to expecting an email to having high (or low) expectations for a date, they seem to invade our thoughts at every turn.

Even when we try to keep them at a realistic level, we have no control over the other party’s expectations. And that can be difficult especially if you don’t know what those expectations are.

Motives for dating

People date for all kinds of reasons. Some date to find a lifetime partner; others because they’re bored. Some people see it as a sort of social skills practice; others figure that by dating so many people they’ll eventually find the one they’re looking for. Some are dating to get laid. Still others are too polite to say NO even if they really aren’t feeling it.

Setting ourselves up with unrealistic expectations

This can easily set us up to have unrealistic expectations in dating. For example, if you are dating to find a lifetime partner and the great guy you’ve gone out with 3 or 4 times is into dating as a numbers game, you may very well have your expectations of the relationship set way too high.

Or what about the girl who keeps accepting a date with a guy she really has no interest in because she doesn’t know how to tell him NO? Is he in for a surprise or what? Sure, he is. He thinks she likes him when the reality is she’s probably only interested in him as a friend. His expectations are sure to be shattered.

How to avoid unrealistic expectations

There are a couple of ways to keep your dating expectations realistic and keep yourself grounded in reality.

Know what you want

The first thing you have to do is know what you want. Why are you dating? You have to know what you’re looking for.

If you are dating to find a lifetime partner, you’re going to want to date people who are looking for the same thing. If you’re dating several people hoping to find the right one, you darn sure don’t want to keep going out with someone looking for a lifetime partner. That’s how things get awkward and people get hurt.

Communication is the key

Never assume anything! If you think that great guy is dating several women and doesn’t think you have forever potential, you need to know that. And there’s no better way than to ask. Unless you have that dreaded exclusivity talk, all bets are off as far as he’s concerned.

Think he’s sleeping with just you? If he’s into dating casually, he may very well being sleeping with other women as well. You’d better talk to him and make sure if that’s not okay with you.

Like attracts like

Here’s the thing. It will be much easier to keep your dating expectations in line if you are dating people who are dating for the same reason you are. It’s that simple. If you’re both dating casually, there’s little room for error. Likewise, if you are both dating to find a lifetime partner.

That doesn’t mean it’s all gravy though. You still have to communicate your expectations and encourage the people you are dating to do the same. It’s much easier for everyone if you’re both on the same page.

Can You Win the Approval of the ‘Dating Board’?

Jason Likert — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 15:23:29 +0000

Dating, divorced or not, can be as nerve wracking as a tough job interview. You never know the questions but at least you know what you should get quizzed on. You’ve fielded all of the queries from your new interest but it’s time to move on to what I like to call “The Board Room.”

What Is The Dating Board Room?

The Board Room isn’t a physical place. It’s the culmination of several different people who are going to interview you and present their findings to your lady. This interview process can take days, weeks or even months, depending on who is part of the board room. It always occurs, even if you don’t know it. This is where you may here “You’re fired!”

Who Is On The Board?

The board can consist of several different men and women who have the interests of your lady in mind. Most women have at least two confidantes; a “best” girlfriend and a close male “GuyFriend.” Other members of the board normally will include at least one or two other friends of either gender and close family, like her mother and dad.

The Girlfriend

You have to sell yourself to this woman. Not only is she the closest person to your lady, your lady is probably her best friend. Early in the relationship The Girlfriend is probably the most important person to not insult, cajole or arouse suspicion in. Her word will be what seals the deal. If she doesn’t like you there’s not much hope for your new relationship.

The “GuyFriend”

The GuyFriend can be a tough sell. Put yourself in his shoes. Here’s a close female friend of his who is dating this new guy (you). You’re competing for part of his turf and she will listen to the GuyFriend to determine if you’re a huge creep. Guys tend to read guys rather well. If you’re obviously a fraud, the GuyFriend will spot you easily.

Mom and Dad

Depending on how close she is to her family, mom and dad’s opinion of you may be what truly closes this deal. They raised her, have her interests in mind, and know now to handle your lady when they want her to listen. Parents also have the job of ALWAYS being the parent and have met her other men. Mom and dad have the experience of dealing with the good and the bad and will understand your situation.

The Posse

The Posse is her other friends. The ones she hangs out with now and then but doesn’t share all of her secrets. One or two may have misgivings about you, it’s bound to happen. You’re in serious trouble if ALL of them do.

How To Get The Job

There’s only one safe bet to get the job. Be real. Be yourself. Unless you’re a Hollywood actor who never steps out of character and comes back to the real world, people can and will see you for who you really are. You can only keep up the act for so long. It’s only a matter of time before your truly colors show. Remember that a tiger can’t change it’s stripes. Maybe it can roll in the mud and cover them, but before long someone will see it for what it truly is.

Does Being Divorced Help?

Divorce, hard as it is, can complicate matters even further, particularly if you have children. Children change the dating landscape and your new lady knows that. Her parents will be more than willing to impart their wisdom about your situation which has the tendency to be more negative if their daughter doesn’t already have children.

As difficult as things may be, divorce can also be a strength. You’ve been through something physically and emotionally difficult and come out with a stronger emotional fortitude.. Use that strength in the board room. Be open about yourself but be true to who you are. Your lady, her friends and her family will appreciate you more for it. Before you know it, you’ve got the job.

How Do I Tell My Best Friend I Want to Be More Than Friends?

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 13:29:53 +0000

If you find that you’re interested in asking out your best friend, you’re not the first person to have ever experienced this.

Nonetheless, it can still be frustrating and intimidating to want to ask out your best friend and not know how or where to start.

Before you go gung-ho and start wooing your friend with wine and dinner, there are a few things you need to ask yourself first.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I like my best friend (there’s trouble there already) and I want to ask her out but I don’t know how. Many other guys like her too.

How do I make my self seem like the one she should go out with? And how would I do that?

But please hurry! Were going to the movies tomorrow and I’m thinking of asking her out tomorrow.

- Kevin, Texas

Is there true chemistry there that goes above and beyond a friendship?

When you’re best friends with someone, there is a lot of chemistry there already. You both get along together great and you enjoy each other’s company. Basically, you can do anything and everything together. However, if you’re thinking about asking out your best friend, you need to really figure out if there’s more than just friendship there.

Do you feel a chemistry between you and your friend that goes above and beyond the friendship? Do you feel a sexual chemistry? If not, then you are probably better off staying friends. If you do, however, feel that there is something more between you and your friend, you have yet another question to ask yourself. Do you feel like your friend may return your feelings? This may not be something you get the answer to right away, but it’s important to consider before you ask them out.

Do you want to take the initiative and possibly get rejected?

Another thing to take into consideration is the fact that you might end up getting rejected and you might end up losing a friend too. If you suspect that this might be something that happens, consider leaving the friendship where it is at. If you simply can’t live with not telling your friend how you really feel, you need to realize that this may be something that changes the relationship forever, or possibly ends it. Make certain this is something you’re willing to risk before you take the plunge!

Avoid Getting Stuck In The Friend Zone

It generally is never a good idea to become friends with a person with the intent of becoming more than friends. Rarely does this work! Usually, you just get stuck in the friend zone. You end up being a great friend, one who they can share intimate talks with and confide in but realistically, you’re on the same level as their gay friends – someone who they care about deeply but would never consider a romantic relationship an option. If you like someone, be upfront and honest with them about your intentions rather than trying to sneak in the back door.

Telling Your Friend How You Feel

Okay, you’ve decided this is something you want to do and you’re willing to take the risk. Take your friend aside to somewhere you’re alone together and make sure there is plenty of time to tell them how you feel. Avoid cliché’s such as, “I’ve felt this way about you forever” or “I’ve always been in love with you.” These will most likely do little more than overwhelm and possibly frighten your friend!

Take it slow and be casual about it. Let them know that you’re interested in being more than friends and you’d like to spend more time together in a romantic way to see where it leads – and then leave it at that! Hopefully, a relaxed attitude will get you what you’re looking for and you never know – they could feel the same about you!

Why Having Sex Right Away Doesn’t Mean He’ll Call…

Victorya Rogers — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 13:58:59 +0000

Okay ladies, I know most of you THINK seducing your date is the quickest way to get him to call you back but in reality it’s the worst thing you can do—especially early on!

There are many “dating experts” that will tell you differently including fellow colleague David Wygant, who by the way gives great advice about other aspects of dating.

I just totally disagree with him on this point! Come on Dave! You’re a guy and you are in no way guaranteeing that taking it off gets a call back. It just gives the guy a great time in the moment! The problem is, the minute you leave, ladies, you are out of sight out of mind.

Why taking it all off doesn’t work

I’m not saying be a prude and cover up from the top of your neck to your ankles. I’m saying, ladies, dress to look nice and desirable as a human being not a piece of meat on display. Men don’t fall in love because of their libido.

They fall in love when they allow themselves to give up their heart. Commitment for a man is always a conscious choice. Until a man decides to commit, he will continue to play the field, often with more than one woman at a time.

Sure, most guys will gladly sleep with you, and they’ll be quite pleased with you for satisfying them. Here’s where you will get confused. Just because he sleeps with you doesn’t mean he loves you. In fact, it doesn’t even mean he LIKES you.

It just means you were willing, he was “in the mood” (which is every guy all the time) and so you did it. It in no way means anything else, in HIS mind as far as “commitment.” Rather it will be a pleasant instant gratification moment.

Another negative about jumping in the sack with your date is that the minute sex is involved, the communication level of a developing relationship seems to just freeze. However well you’ve gotten to know each other at that point seems to be as far as the relationship “depth” goes. This is a very bad consequence if you were trying to move him along the path of committing to you.

Thinking sex right away is a good idea? It’s not just you.

I can give you story after story, example after example to prove my case. I’ve seen the evidence all over America and I’ve seen it all through the entertainment industry (where I spent 16 years and all my single years).

I so feel bad for all these female celebrities because they are making the same mistakes many of you are and jumping in the sack, even getting pregnant, to try and catch their man. For them, the results are worse because they’ve just given the guy bragging rights for nabbing a celeb who they didn’t have to commit to first. Kudos to the guy, sympathies for the celebrity who will soon be dumped—that is if she was ever even considered a girlfriend.

Okay, okay, enough ranting, let me close in just telling you there are many other ways to capture that man’s heart than taking it off and using your body, no matter HOW amazing your body is.

Victorya Rogers is the author of The Automatic 2nd Date. To learn more about Victorya Rogers, visit ManToKeep.com.

Met Someone New? How Long Should You Date Before It’s OK To Have Sex?

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 14:17:17 +0000

You’ve met someone new. You have a great connection and things look great. So when is it okay to have sex for the first time?

There are those who believe it’s okay to have sex on the first date. Others think the third date is the right time, but still others believe you should wait much longer. Perhaps as long until after the wedding.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How long should I date a man morally speaking before we have sex??

And so it will be a better relationship if that’s what is meant to be…

–Erica, California

The morality of sex

Morally speaking, there is no right or wrong answer to this question – which is what makes it such a great question. People who are uncertain about what boundaries they have when making the decision to have sex with the person they’re dating might be a little surprised to learn that the only boundaries they have are the ones they set for themselves…

Some people feel that it’s perfectly fine or natural to have sex with someone on the first date, or even shortly after meeting. Others certainly might not agree, but it is ultimately up to the couple in question. If both parties involved feel that it’s okay and feel confident about having sex soon after the relationship begins, by all means – go for it!

Other people feel that sex is only for those who are married. Whether it is due to strict religious beliefs or purely philosophical ones, this approach works well for many couples. They are committed to each other before getting physical and when they finally do the deed, they feel more comfortable with each other.

Then there are those who wait until they gain their footing in a relationship and start to feel comfortable before getting sexual with their partner. Some people abide strongly by the “three date rule” and others wait a few months, but not forever.

When is the right time to have sex?

There is no magic “time” that would make it morally right to engage in sexual activity with your partner and unless you feel otherwise, there’s no magic “time” that would make it morally wrong either. It’s all up to you and your partner. If you are both consenting adults, you’re free to engage in sexual activity whenever you like.

Before doing anything, however, you should take a deep look at your own religious or moral beliefs. Do you feel it would make you uncomfortable to have sex with your partner before the one month mark? Does your partner? Are you completely comfortable having sex with them after only a week? How would it make you feel if you did? Really think about it and don’t be afraid to come to terms with how you feel about the situation. You have the right to decide when and if you’re ready to “do it” and with who you’re ready to “do it” with.

When it comes to figuring out your own personal rules, you are free to be as strict or as lenient with yourself as you like. Do whatever works for you. Don’t do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable or make your partner uncomfortable. No one should ever be pressured into having sex. Don’t be afraid to fly by the seat of your pants either – if you’re with someone and feel comfortable with the idea of having sex with them, you’re welcome to throw any ideals you previously had out the window. Or you can stick to your guns – it’s up to you. Remember, the only boundaries you have are the ones you set for yourself.

4 Ways Nerves Can Wreck A First Date

Bethany Smith — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:03:05 +0000

First dates can be excruciating to your nerves. You want to make a good impression – no, a great impression, so that this person will see everything that is fabulous about you and call you the next day for a second date.

This could be “the one” after all, and too many times our nerves get to us and cause us to do some, well, less than attractive things.

I’ve listed the top 4, in no particular order, and some solutions that can help you overcome the nerves and just be you… calm & confident.

Nervous Habit #1: Eating.

Believe it or not, this is one of the most common signs of nervousness. Picture it: you’re sitting there with a fantastic person across from you… it gets quiet for a moment… nothing brilliant comes to mind to break the silence with, so you reach for a roll and comment on the restaurant’s atmosphere.

Reaching for a roll isn’t the problem… but if you’re not careful, you’ll find that your mouth is constantly full of food.

Just take a deep breath, and be okay with silence. Look at what’s on the table in front of you and make a quick decision to eat only what is appropriate. Then pace yourself. The key is to not allow yourself to get so uncomfortable that you reach out for food.

Some people tend to eat because they are uncomfortable with attention, and they focus on the food in an attempt to draw attention away from themselves. In this case, just relax and enjoy the attention. If it’s creepy, just end the date earlier than normal and you won’t have to see that person again. There’s no sense going home with a disappointing date AND a few extra pounds of food!

Nervous Habit #2: Talking - or NOT talking.

This is perhaps the most damaging sign of nervousness, because it can really affect the way a new person thinks about your personality.

If you are someone who seems to go quiet and blank when you are nervous, then you might want to rehearse your date. You might feel silly doing it, but if you visualize over and over again asking specific and interesting questions, or bringing up unique conversations that fit your personality and interests, it won’t be very difficult at all to get those conversations started. And soon enough, you’ll be comfortable with this person and will not have to visualize the conversations in advance.

If you’re someone who seems to talk fast and incessantly when you’re nervous, you’re going to have to also do some prep work. Wear a piece of jewelry that will remind you to listen to yourself speak. Anything that is slightly intrusive on your awareness level will work great.

Throughout the evening, as you notice that piece of jewelry, notice how long you’ve been talking. If you’ve been rambling for a while, smoothly close your thought out before asking a question.

So, for example, if you are going on and on about your friends and how you met them, you might catch yourself and then say something like, “so as you can see, my friends are a big part of my life. Tell me a little about your friends.”

This gives your date the opportunity to speak, and once they begin speaking, remind yourself to just listen. When you hear a phrase that triggers a response, force yourself to only smile and nod for a little while, to give them a chance to speak.

And laugh. A lot! Laughter is key to easing nerves.

Nervous Habit #3: Fidgeting and body movements.

We’ve all done it, and we’ve definitely all seen it. You know, that whole bopping of the leg thing, or drumming of fingers on the table top, or my personal favorite, the knee shake.

There is nothing more distracting than a body part moving compulsively when you’re trying to have a good conversation to get to know someone better. And this one is perhaps the most difficult to avoid, usually because we do these body movements so subconsciously.

So my best advice here is just to be aware of your body. Be aware of your legs, your feet, your hands, your face. If you feel yourself starting to compensate for nerves by moving or fidgeting, just force yourself to stop and focus on the conversation.

Nervous Habit #4: Drinking.

Do you hear that? It’s an obnoxious laugh from across the room – probably someone who had a few too many drinks. Do NOT let yourself become that person on the first date. Please, I beg you.

Have a drink or two, and enjoy them. But the worst thing you can do to calm yourself down when you’re nervous is to drink too much too fast. The next thing you know, you’ll be laughing at every statement the other person makes, bragging about your past love life, getting topless or vomiting. Yikes.

If you’re going to get topless on the first date, you want to do so with a controlled mind and a true desire to connect physically… not because you had five tequila shots and are now dancing on the bar.

The bottom line throughout this list has been confidence. Know who you are, love who you are, and don’t get hung up on whether or not the person you’re sitting across from approves of you or wants to see you again.

If it’s right, it’s going to be amazing and you’ll love to see each other again. If it’s not a good fit, it’s okay. You’re fabulous, and the more you reinforce that to yourself the less you’ll have to deal with nerves on a first date.

Ten Tips for Blind Date and Set Up Survival

Natalie Lue — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:22:30 +0000

It’s bound to happen if you’re single. Some well intentioned friend or acquaintance will come to you full of excitement and want to set you up with the perfect person.

You may balk at first, but then you think, “Oh why not? What have I got to lose?” and you agree to meet Mr. or Ms. Perfect.

As the big night approaches, keep an open mind and follow these ten tips to make it an enjoyable experience.

Enter the date with a blank slate approach

It is best to apply the pinch of salt rule here – Whatever information you think you know about them or how much they’ve been bigged up by your friends, don’t get carried away.

People LOVE to exaggerate and they tend to tell you about qualities that the person fails to exhibit on the date but leave out crucial nuggets of information.

Always remember: people have their ‘date version’ and their ‘friend version’ so unless these people have actually dated your date, they really just don’t know half the time! Which brings me to…

Don’t be toooooo familiar

I know you’ve been set up and may know a little info where some of it can be used for conversation fodder…but proceed with caution. You may get carried away and repeat something that wasn’t intended for consumption…

Manage your expectations

This is a dating opportunity. You don’t have to get married, you don’t have to see them again after this date if you don’t want to, and you certainly don’t have to like or sleep with them. It’s a date like any other date except for that you got set up…and they know your friend.

I know, I know, awkward sometimes! It is a good idea to draw a line in the sand before the date with your friend so that they manage their expectations too. This way you can find out if they’re the sort that will take offense if you don’t come back with glowing praise.

Remember that your friend is the introducer not the facilitator of your date

Think of it like using a free dating agency. Would you phone them up and cuss them because your date wasn’t what was expected? Would you expect the agency to run interference between you both? From the moment that you arrange the date, three is a crowd.

You also don’t want to get into high school territory with the whole getting your mate to find out what the score is. Do your own dirty work! Oh and obviously if things go sour, the last thing that your friend will want to be accused of is having any part in it!

Be positive

There is a reason why I mention positivity a lot when it comes to dating and it’s purely because your attitude and mind-frame have a lot to do with how much you will enjoy the date.

Be negative and you’ll find something negative to say about them. Avoid being hyper-critical – you are not Simon Cowell and try not to start mentally comparing them against your checklist and focus on engaging with your date.

Get over the fact that it’s a set-up

Some people really struggle with the whole ‘I’ve been set up by my friends’ thing – It’s not always ideal…but it’s an opportunity to have some fun.

Worse case scenerio, you have Another Bad Date Story to laugh at and stone cold proof that the person responsible for the set-up should stick to their day job.

Best case scenario – you meet someone you really like, have a few dates, or even end up starting a relationship.

Choose an open, neutral spot

I don’t care if your date knows your brother who knows your friend who knows your Aunt May - don’t use the fact that your date has been referred to you to jump a few stages and invite them to your place. For totally blind dates, make sure you let people know where you’re going.

Don’t knee-jerk out of the date too soon..but have a back-up plan

There is many a date of mine who has been victim to the emergency phone call that I just have to take. You can however take the pressure off both of you by being up front and honest.

Tell them that you know that set-ups/blind dates can be awkward and agree that if you’re still uncomfortable in an hour, you can go your separate ways. But, make an effort for the whole time you’re there and give the person a chance.

No sex!

People will find any ‘ole excuse to leapfrog the formalities on first dates but remember when Carrie shagged the best man at Charlotte’s wedding to Harry in Sex and the City? Aside from him committing the cardinal sin of shagging like a teenage jackhammer on crack, he couldn’t handle being ‘used’ and blabbed to everyone.

Now this is an extreme, fictional, situation but my point is that normally when you shag around, your friends are unlikely to know about it unless you tell them. Do you want to be discussed in this way? Aside from that, let’s say you don’t end up seeing each other again, you’ll feel really awkward around the set-up friend because you’ll be wondering if they know. That and if you’re not happy about the outcome, you’ll be tempted to grill them.

Have fun

Standard fare you may say but I know a lot of people who treat dates like routine, annoying, trips to the dentist. You might as well have fun otherwise what is the point in going unless somebody held a gun to your head and forced you…then that’s a whole other problem!

The 12 Commandments Of First Dates

Natalie Lue — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 13:15:42 +0000

Thou shalt not speak of your ex or theirs

The golden rule of the first three dates is NEVER discuss your ex. I could write a whole post on this but as a guideline, if exes come up, keep it vague and move on. You should both have way more to talk about than each other’s pasts loves. Find out about each other before you even think of venturing into the shark infested ex waters.

Talking about your ex may give the impression that you’re not over them and it also may cause your date to draw, rightly or wrongly, conclusions about you. Even worse, sometimes people adjust their behavior and true character on the basis of the information that you reveal. Just don’t go there!

Thou shalt manage your expectations

Expectations, whether you have too little or too much tend to be behind a lot of problems with dating and relationships. You need to go on a first date with eyes open and with your feet firmly in reality.

If you go with too little or with too high expectations, this will not only skew your perception of the person and the date, but it is likely to cause you to ignore important signals about whether this is someone you should pursue further dates with.

Thou shalt leave your jaded, cynical, self at home

I’ve had more bad dates than hot dinners (OK slight exaggeration) but I still kept on going on dates. It’s best not to tar everyone with the same brush and if you can’t stop being negative, you shouldn’t be dating. Positive mental attitude!

Thou shalt make an effort with your appearance

It’s not all about the surface stuff but unfortunately it is the first thing that’s noticed. Hair combed, teeth brushed, breath smelling good (or at least of nothing), not too much perfume or after shave, no B.O., and avoid fashion faux-pas.

Thou shalt be a decent conversationalist

Conversation and communication is all about the exchange hence you must have a good balance of listening and talking. If all you can hear is your voice or theirs, the balance isn’t right. Be careful of spending your brain power thinking about what you’ll say next instead of listening. Ask questions but don’t interrogate, and steer clear of danger topics like religion or politics.

Oh and yes, it goes without saying that you should actually talk and make an effort to overcome your shyness as nobody wants to feel like they’re talking to themselves…

Thou shalt use your manners

There are few things worse than sitting at a table with someone who has hideous table manners or is rude to staff at the place you’re having your date. Don’t talk with your mouth full, do use the cutlery, and don’t even think of being rude to the waiter/waitress who is serving you.

Do open doors, say thank-you and just be generally polite. You don’t need to roll out the red carpet but don’t let your date end up believing that they went out with an ill-mannered person! And for God’s sake don’t burp or fart!

Thou shalt steer clear of anything overtly sexual

I beg you please, unless the sole purpose of the date is to get a shag (I have to wonder why you bothered with the date though…) you will create the wrong impression if you make the focus of the date getting into each other’s pants.

Don’t stare at their breasts/crotch all the time, don’t crowd their personal space, don’t leer, don’t touch inappropriately, and don’t talk dirty. If you kiss, don’t grope them like a randy teenager and it’s probably best not to badger them to have sex.

Thou shalt not get wasted!

I’m not trying to ruin your fun but getting really drunk where it actually impacts on your basic abilities such as walking, talking, or your judgment, is not a very good idea. I prefer to get drunk with people I know and that I’m really comfortable with.

Do you really want to wake up the following morning and be cringing over your slurring, silly behavior, or even worse, puking?

Thou shalt not display aggressiveness….or cry…

Getting angry on a first date or blubbering is a major, major no-no. Both actions show that you’re not really in control of yourself or an ideal date candidate. Being unable to control your temper or just being generally aggressive is actually a red flag and as for the crying, it is likely to make the other party feel highly uncomfortable, especially if you’re crying over someone else… It’s best to keep your emotions…balanced….

Thou shalt not eye up other people

So you’ve spotted a bit of totty – Is it a good idea to be staring at them or keeping tabs on other hot prospects in the room whilst you’re date is sitting there? Oh hell no!

Thou shalt not use your mobile phone

This is especially the case if you own a Blackberry. Put your phone on silent/vibrate and only respond to ‘urgent’ calls, preferably when you go to the toilet. Obviously don’t spend all night checking your messages! Short of actually looking bored, there is no better way to convey your disinterest if you spend the date emailing, texting, or taking calls…

Thou shalt not pretend that you’ll pay or go halves

If you have no intention of paying or splitting the bill, don’t do ‘the reach’ if you can’t follow through. Guy’s in particular find it very annoying when women do ‘the reach’ and then mark the guy down for accepting their offer!

5 First Date Mistakes Men Make That End In Heartbreak – And How You Can Avoid Them

Michael Webb — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 14:52:48 +0000

Let’s face it you never get a second chance to make a first impression!

That’s why, if you want to take things further with a woman, you need to show her your best on the very first date.

And in actual fact, there are 5 things that men consistently do on first dates that totally destroy their chances of seeing the woman again, and the worst part is they think they’re doing it right!

Avoid the following 5 mistakes to increase your chances of fun and creative date ideas:

Mistake #1: Buying gifts

Bringing chocolate or flowers on a first date isn’t the best idea – especially if you’ve just met the woman! She’s there to get to know YOU. Women are always asking themselves “what does THAT mean?” And in this case it’s, “He bought me flowers because he likes me, but he doesn’t even know anything about me yet! A little suspicious.

Mistake #2: Being Mr. Serious

When in the presence of a potential date, men often become boring, instead of keeping up the friendly vibe they have with their friends. They won’t make jokes or laugh with the woman, they won’t play around like they do with their friends and they generally take things a little too seriously.

Why do men change their behavior around women, often without even realizing they’re doing it? Because they fear losing their only chance with the girl of their dreams, they try and play the safe side, which results in a “Mr. Serious.”

Mistake #3: Conducting an Interview

When men become “Mr. Serious” they often fall into “job interview conversation mode.” Make sure you reserve questions like, “So where do you work?” or “How many brothers and sisters do you have?” for the future, after you’ve already had a lot of fun and made the sparks fly. Instead, talk about your hobbies, interesting stories and fun stuff.

Avoid anything too deep for a long period of time. On a first date, it can make things a little depressing. Talk like you’ve known each other for years (as if you don’t need to do the awkward 20-questions quiz.) Of course you can ask basic questions, but never make it the main focus of your date. Focus on fun.

Mistake #4: Being too needy and direct

Without realizing it, many guys turn their dates off by trying a little too hard. For example: Men will lean into a woman’s personal space, and ask, “so do you like me?” or constantly change his opinion to seek her approval and make her like him. Big mistake.

Ironically, it’s leaning back, staying cool and calm, being a little cheeky, interesting, mysterious and comfortable with yourself that actually gets a woman’s attention and keeps her interested.

Mistake #5: Going to boring places

If your date finds the night boring, you’re finished. When it comes to having fun on first dates, nothing is more important than what you do. And while dinners and movies are nice, it’s really hard to leave a great impression in these settings. Why? Because they set a very “proper tone” that’s hard to turn into fun and playful.

And unless you’re a super funny, intelligent and interesting guy, dinner and movie dates just aren’t the best place to take your date. Instead, go to fun places like mini-golf parks, carnivals, parks, or even better, come up with your own unique and fun ideas.

So in essence, while there are many factors to having a successful date, a great date idea really helps you do many of them naturally! Remember, where you take a woman on a first date can be the difference between a great night and a dating disaster! Choose wisely!

First Date Dilemma

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 00:32:41 +0000

Singles muddle through mixed messages, fuzzy intentions, and changing social mores.

Gone are the days when a man and a woman meeting over a drink knew the outing was undoubtedly a first date. With lines blurring between the platonic and the romantic, defining what constitutes a first date has become a guessing game, as maddening as catching a gnat with chopsticks.

The various intentions behind a first date, from finding a mate to bedding a casual-sex partner, has forced many singles to define exactly what it is.

Check out First Date Dilemma, a great article from Mark de la Vina of the San Jose Mercury News. Not only is Mark’s article entertaining and well written…

It also features extensive quotes from your favorite Dating & Relationship advice columnists, Dan and Jennifer. Yes, we’re biased. . Go check it out.

First Date – How to Avoid the Conversation Dead Zone

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 31 May 2007 02:15:54 +0000

So you finally got up the courage to ask a girl out, and she said “yes”. Great news!

Unless of course you have no idea where to go and what to do on your date. Worse yet, some people are so afraid of that dreaded conversation dead zone, that they won’t even go out on a date.

Getting a girl to go out with you is traumatic enough for most guys. But this can be even worse. Sure, we’ve all been there. You remember those awkward first moments on a date with someone you don’t really know. What will you possibly talk about? Who will go first? What if you say something stupid? Will she ever go out with you again?

STOP! That kind of thinking is going to leave you single forever, so cut it out. Going on a date should be fun and exciting, not terrifying!

Here’s a question from Omar who is facing this very dilemma with a young lady he just asked out on a date. Omar is from the UAE, so there are some cultural differences concerning formality and dating, but the question remains.

How can you know for sure that you won’t sit there in awkward silence, hoping for your date misery to end?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

This is the first time for me to check out a video of yours, and I think they’re great.

My question is that two weeks ago I asked a girl if she would be my girlfriend and she agreed (I’ve been talking with her for a few months). Then, I told her I’ll ask her out soon, but till now I didn’t only because I just can’t find the things to talk with her about on the date.

So if you would please help me and give me some hints about what to say on the date so I don’t get stuck. Thanks for reading my message.

– Omar (United Arab Emirates)

Leaving the Friend Zone – How to Actually Ask Her Out On a Date

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 13:00:29 +0000

At some point you’re going to have to make your move and depart the friend zone. Now, this may not be in the first minute or two, and maybe not even the first time you talk to her. The key here again is self confidence. You’ll also need a little patience.

Take your time and feel it out first. Don’t make her choose until you know she’s comfortable enough with you to give you a chance and you’re comfortable enough to take the chance.

Watch this short video to find out how to move out of the ‘Friend Zone’ and on to the next level.

Here Are Some Great Ways to Get ‘Lucky’ in Love on St. Patrick’s Day

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 17:00:32 +0000

So maybe you’ve never thought of St. Patrick’s Day as a romantic holiday…

Why not try something new this year and surprise your significant other with something a little more romantic than green beer.

We say that when you’re in love, the best way to stay in love and keep the spark in your relationship is to make every day a romantic holiday. So here are some great romantic ideas for this St. Patrick’s Day.

Get ‘Lucky’ in Love on St. Patrick’s Day

By: Amy Cunningham

St. Patty’s Day is no longer just for the Irish! Take the time to add a spark of romance and let that special someone know how truly ‘lucky’ you feel to have them in your life.

This is a common suggestion, but not many couples actually take advantage of it! Pack a picnic lunch, complete with a bottle of wine. Head out to your local park, snag a shady spot under a tree and prepare yourself for an afternoon of romance. After eating, have a little St. Patty’s Day fun by searching for four-leaf clovers in the grass. While it may sound cheesy at first, you’ll really feel the romantic sparks.
A perfect gift for the perfect lass! Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day deliciously with a gift box full of St. Patrick’s Day themed berries. These berries are lusciously dipped in dark chocolate, milk chocolate, white chocolate, almonds, chocolate chips, and green tinted coconut. It’s fun and romantic!
Rent a “lucky” movie and have a romantic night at home! Lucky Seven, starring Kimberly Williams-Paisley (from The Tenth Kingdom and Father of the Bride), is a great romantic comedy for St. Patrick’s Day. Amy’s (Williams-Paisley) mother dies when she is just 7 years old and leaves her with a timeline for her life, including the fact that she will have 6 boyfriends before she meets the 7th, who is “the one”. Everything in Amy’s life is perfect and she has followed the time line exactly until she meets the perfect guy. The problem is that he is guy number six. In order to keep her perfect time line in tact, Amy seeks out a temporary sixth boyfriend, the bagel guy. She is soon caught between the two men in a hilarious attempt to figure out her life and love.
It’s said that the four-leaf clover symbolizes wealth, fame, a faithful lover and good health. Pressed between two layers of glass, this genuine four-leaf clover is surrounded by a polished-aluminum frame and sturdy stand. There is no gift that is more perfect for your lucky love on St. Patrick’s Day than this framed genuine four-leaf clover.
Have your sweetie search for his/her own lucky pot o’ gold! You can fill a small pot with golden chocolate coins (found at most candy stores) and a love letter inside. You can either leave the pot o’gold out in the open for your sweetie to find or leave clues filled with romantic notions leading them to the end of their rainbow…
We all like to believe that good things come in threes, and we have the Irish to thank for this optimistic motto. The native shamrock with three leaves is said to represent love, valor and wit. Share your love with your lucky lady by giving her this gorgeous Shamrock bracelet.
Kiss me, I’m Irish! Even if you’re not Irish, fill your day with lots o’kisses! There’s nothing like a good make out session to spark the romance. Shake things up a bit and try out several different kisses. Check out our “gallery of kisses” submitted by other RomanceStuck visitors.
If you’re looking for something for the lucky man in your life, this plaid leather flask is the perfect gift. It’s not St. Pat’s without a little whiskey… or a little green. Throw in a set of double-walled beer glasses (as seen on NBC’s Today Show) for a little more St. Patty’s day fun.
Leave sexy love notes in your sweetie’s briefcase/purse with Hershey’s Golden Nugget candies attached. Make sure the notes leave sexy hints of the night to come! All you need for the perfect St. Patrick’s night is sexy green lingerie and a little bubbly.
Visit a local Irish pub for the evening. Most have special events on St. Patty’s Day, which is sure to guarantee a good time. Check your local newspaper or call your local pub to find out their schedule of events.

Is Shyness Keeping You From the Girl of Your Dreams?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 16:37:10 +0000

The Question:

There is this girl at my church that I think might like me. Every time I get a chance to say something to her I don’t because I’m really shy. What can I say or do to break the ice?

The Answer:

The challenge here is that you really like her and really want her to like you. And that’s the problem. That wanting translates into fear – fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of being alone.

STOP! Let’s go through this together so you will be able to approach her with ease the next time you see her.

She’s a regular person, just like you

Don’t put her on a pedestal just because you like her. This is one of the biggest mistakes men make with women, which is why they strike out so often.

Remember, she’s a regular person, just like you. So, treat her that way. Be nice, friendly, and most of all, confident in yourself. You wouldn’t be shy talking to one of your guy friends or a girl that you have no interest in, right?

So treat her like that – just one of your friends.

Men and women aren’t nearly as different as we all like to believe. At the end of the day we’re all people with needs, feelings, hopes, dreams, etc. We all need friends, companionship, and so on.

How can you tell if she likes you?

When you talk with her, notice how you feel. Do you feel like you WANT her to like you, or do you feel that she DOES like you? Is there a strong surge of energy, a magical spark between the two of you? Down deep, you’ll know if she really likes you.

You can feel it. Trust your gut.

Warning. Many guys make a big deal about asking a girl if she likes them. Don’t ever do that. You’ll put her on the spot and she’ll have to choose without getting to know you first. It’s like deciding if you want to buy a car without ever sitting in it.

The key here is confidence and belief in you. Listen for what’s in your heart, not for what you want to be there. If you’re too nervous to even talk without stuttering, then you won’t be able to read your gut feelings. So it’s very important to get a grip on yourself and just relax.

What if she turns you down?…

Before you approach any woman, tell yourself that it’s perfectly OK if she doesn’t go out with you. Heck, it’s perfectly fine if she doesn’t like you at all. Your life will be no different than it is now, but you will have more experience in approaching women. That’s it.

Read this over and over until you get it: You have absolutely nothing to lose.

Lots of men get their egos crushed because a really hot girl won’t go out with them.

Well, guess what? Fact is there are hundreds of reasons why she may not want to go out with you – or with anyone else for that matter.

She could be in a committed relationship, could be a lesbian, could be grieving a loss of some sort, could be having her time of the month, could be having a bad day for any other number of reasons, etc.

Or, you simply may not be her type. And that’s OK too. Wouldn’t you agree that’s it’s better to know up front?

With all that put together, assuming that you are her type, you have a 20% chance (at best) of succeeding when you approach a woman. That’s life, deal with it. This bears repeating. At any given time, a woman may not be interested in any man whatsoever. Accept that and go on. It’s just a fact of life.

The key point here is not to take it personally and go hide in the closet. Follow your heart and approach all the women you feel attracted to. You will find one, or more, that you really click with. Have fun and don’t take life so seriously.

How to approach her – the magical ice breaker

Now that we’re past that, it’s time to actually move in. She’s not going to know you like her if she doesn’t know you exist. So let’s get on with it.

Simply go talk to her.

There’s no magic to it. Just go over there and make some small talk. Don’t be overly eager and don’t have a firm agenda. Just say hello and see what happens.

Let her feel you out.

Think of two dogs when they first meet – they growl a little and spend lots of time sniffing each other. People do the same thing really… it’s all about getting a feel for the other person. We like to think we’re more evolved than lower animals like dogs, but they actually have a lot to teach us. I’ve yet to ever meet a person that’s as pure at heart as a dog…

Ask her out – leaving the “Friend Zone”

Take your time and feel it out first. Don’t make her choose until you know she’s comfortable enough with you to give you a chance and you’re comfortable enough to take the chance.

Now, on the sex and physical attraction issue…

Most guys assume that men and women want drastically different things, and sex is something that’s to be won over from the woman – like a special gift. Wrong! That’s a very dangerous perspective which will leave you doing the sex thing all by yourself for a long time.

Many years ago my father gave me a bit of insight on this. He said “she wants it just as much as you do”. In my early teens that nugget didn’t really do much for me. But as I grew into an adult, that advice took on special meaning. It’s important to remember that women want and need companionship (and yes, even sex) just as much as men do.

Love yourself – guys read this section, it’s for you

Decide today to love and embrace yourself. Yes, even as a guy, you can still love and embrace who you are. In fact, guys are notorious for self loathing and not appreciating themselves.

Guess what?

As any good salesman will tell you, if you don’t believe in yourself and in what you’re selling, nobody’s going to buy from you. If you don’t love yourself and don’t think highly of yourself, nobody else will either. Guaranteed.

So get over the self punishing and self loathing and decide to change your life today. Yes, you.

Need some help going up to her or asking her out?

For advice on how to approach a woman and ask her out, let’s get some advice from some of the experts in the pick up and seduction community.

Download and read this helpful guide to approaching women:

Guy Gets Girl – a Pickup, Dating And Seduction Guide written for men… By a woman!

This guide will help you increase your confidence so you can approach women more easily and get better results.

A word of warning. Some of the advice from the seduction and approaching experts involves psychological and hypnosis tricks to get women to want you, to trust you, to open up to you, etc.

But always remember to be yourself, because while many of these tricks will get you that hot girl for the night, they won’t get you a real girlfriend. In the end she’s going to see you for who you really are and you’re better off getting her to like the real you from the beginning.

In summary

Don’t put her on a pedestal – treat her like a regular person.
Be nice, friendly, and open.
Approach her… Yes, you will have to do this eventually.
Talk to her about something, anything. It’s not about what you say; it’s how you say it.
Download the Guy Gets Girl guide for a confidence boost on approaching her and asking her out.
Now go for it! Onward – no fear.

Second Date Ideas… Keeping it Fun and Exciting after the First Date

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 13 Dec 2006 20:12:00 +0000

The Question: I have a second date with a special girl. I live in the Cleveland Ohio area. I found a place we can go to see x-mas lights on a horse-drawn wagon. She has a daughter and I’m thinking she is ready to settle down. I really like her and I’m ready to settle down. Do you think that the horse drawn wagon is a good idea and not too pushy or romantic?

The Answer:

The horse drawn carriage ride definitely sounds romantic and also very thoughtful. Everyone goes to dinner at some fancy place on their first dates – that’s not special. She’ll appreciate that you actually came up with something creative and romantic.

If you want to stand out from the crowd, always strive to be yourself, to be different… Don’t go on the same dates everyone else goes on, and don’t copy what everyone else does. Do something exciting and memorable, and most importantly – have fun.

Fun and happiness is extremely infections… people just can’t get enough.

One caveat… if she seems at all uncomfortable around you, then it may be best to take her to a more public place place like a restaurant. That way she won’t spend the evening with her guard up and the two of you should have a lot more fun. That’s usually more of a first date issue, but still keep it in mind.

In the end, you two will have to decide together. Tell her what you’re planning and let her choose what she’s most comfortable with. Better yet, brainstorm some ideas together, and come up with fun ideas for future dates. That way you’re way more likely to reach third date and beyond.

A word of caution on the topic of settling down… you’re not there yet. Don’t rush it. If you’re too focused on the end goal of “setting down” you could sabotage the relationship before it takes off by being too pushy or needy. When the time is right and you’re more comfortable around each other (you’ll know when that is…) – talk openly about how you both honestly feel about settling down. Make sure that you have that conversation in a neutral, no pressure environment and be prepared to listen to what the other person has to say.

Take this one day and one date at a time. Enjoy your time with her now and see how your relationship grows and evolves.

You’re definitely on the right track… keep it creative and exciting and fun.

For some fun and really unique date ideas, check out our review of Michael Webb’s excellent guide 300 Creative Dates.

Match.com Learns a Few Tricks from MySpace and Facebook…

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 20 Oct 2006 08:52:00 +0000

The big online dating sites haven’t changed much over the last few years. But that’s beginning to change…

Match.com is finally taking a page from the social networking playbook and adding "communities" or interest groups, much like MySpace and Facebook have done.

Instead of just plain searching, you can now browse all kinds of communities or "interest groups", from state and major cities, to religion, politics, smoking, etc.

MySpace has done some amazing things for getting people together based on their interests – it’s great to see the online dating sites going that same direction.

If you still haven’t tried Match.com, this could be a great time to take them up on their 3-day free trial. Give it a try.

Have a great day!
Dan & Jennifer

______________________________________
Ask Dan and Jennifer
Authors, Coaches, and Online Dating Insiders
www.AskDanAndJennifer.com

Users: It’s NOT OK to Lie in Your Profile

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 21:41:00 +0000

OPW — Sep 26 — It seems many users and a few industry notables are OK with white lies in profiles. Here’s my thoughts. Your comments please.

Lies are always good for the short term and bad for the long term. Singles need to hold themselves to a higher standard of integrity. I advise anyone who goes on a date and finds themselves in front of a liar to immediately excuse themselves from that date. "Sorry, I’m not comfortable continuing with this date because you lied to me. It was a pleasure meeting you however. Thanks, bye."

This should include lies about age, weight, pictures which are significantly inaccurate/photoshopped. Lies are the BANE of this industry. A huge detriment. I highly, highly recommend site owners to advise their users to represent themslevs in their best possible light within the realms of complete honesty.

One of the reasons services like Great Expectations and The Right One are doing well, and charging thousands of dollars, is because their clients expect to see truthful profiles and know, truly, who they are meeting before their first date. Less surprises, means more value to clients. Higher integrity leads to higher profits…in the long run. – Mark Brooks

First Date Question – How Can I Avoid the Conversation Dead Zone and Keep From Striking Out?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 09 Aug 2006 11:56:00 +0000

The Question

"I get stuck trying to start the conversation. Absolute silence drives me crazy. The ice breaker that I say usually ends up being something really stupid." – Anonymous

The Honest Answer

We’ve all been there before – that awkward silence that occurs when you’ve just met someone and have no idea what to say…

Just picture this in your mind… You’ve just met someone new and you’re a little unsure what to say to make a good first impression. Maybe you’re a little shy and a lot nervous! Maybe you’re just tired from a long day at the office. Regardless, you’re completely stuck and cannot think of a single intelligent thing to say. To make matters worse, your date isn’t saying anything either.

It’s the "FIRST DATE DEAD ZONE!" – Help! Someone say something… anything… Quick!

Is your fax machine more articulate that you?

No, your fax machine simply has an established protocol for first dates. Think back to the last time you faxed a document to someone. Your fax machine makes a connection to the other fax machine, and then you hear all kinds of gibberish before the document starts going through.

Did you ever wonder what that’s all about?

Well, the two fax machines are basically saying hello and setting the tone of the conversation, how fast they’re going to talk, what language they are going to use, and how long they’re going to chat.

It’s very similar to those first few minutes with your date.

You’re getting to know a brand new person
You’re getting used to their speech patterns and body language
You’re figuring out their sense of humor (which can in and of itself change the tone of the conversation completely)
You’re trying to determine their intentions. Are they really friendly? Can you trust them? Do the mean you any harm?
Do you really, really like them?

You simply need to implement your own personal first date protocol.

It’s important to remember that WHAT is said during those first few minutes doesn’t really matter. What is important is to establish that initial, friendly connection with the other person.

Here are some communication 101 tips for getting started on the right foot.

Be friendly and genuinely nice
Show concern for the other person’s feelings
Truly listen to them – look them in the eyes (I know that’s a tough one but you can do it.)

That’s great, but what do I say? Is there a canned ice breaker for every occasion?

Not exactly, but there’s always something you can say to alleviate the awkward silence.

These ideas should work in most first date situations.

Ask about their day… How was it?
Ask about their work… What do they do? How do they like it?
Inquire about pets and children. How many? Names? Ages?
Do they have anything that they like to do when they’re not working? Hobbies? Sports? Etc.

I know these sound rather generic, but the idea behind these simple questions is to find something that you both enjoy and feel comfortable talking about. Hopefully, you will find some things that you have in common.

However, it is important to not get too personal too fast . Show interest, and ask further probing questions, but don’t be too intrusive. You don’t want to scare the other person off.

So why do we freeze up on the first date?

In most cases, that uncomfortable silence (which can often cause panic for some), is based on fear. Yes, fear…

Fear that you’ll say something really stupid
Fear that you’ll have nothing in common
Fear that the other person won’t like you
Fear of being put on the spot to perform

How do you overcome YOUR fear?

Although there isn’t a magic formula that will save you every time, there is a solution to your problem. Take a little time before your date to come up with a few simple and general questions that you can ask or compliments that you might be able to make. Write them down on a piece of paper. Keep the piece of paper in your wallet or purse. You don’t necessarily have to look at it – just having it with you and knowing that it’s there will help you remember.

If you get really stuck, excuse yourself to the restroom and look at your cheat sheet. When you return, you will surely impress your date with your thoughtful and caring questions.

Stay tuned, more soon…

We encourage our readers to send us their most pressing online dating and relationship questions. If you haven’t told us your biggest dating question yet, you’ll want to go to AskDanAndJennifer.com and do it now before you forget.

For some fun and really unique date ideas, check out our review of Michael Webb’s excellent book 300 Creative Dates.

Revealing New Online Dating Book…

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 28 Jun 2006 16:30:00 +0000

If you have ever thought about trying online dating or if you are using online dating but having less than amazing results, this book is for you.

Don’t spend hours of wastedtime searching all over the internet trying to find out about online dating.

We have compiled everything, and I do mean everything that you need to know to meet your perfect partner online!

"Online Dating – Finding Love Online"

5 Proven Strategies for Success
and
The Top 5 Things You Should Never
Put In Your Profile

by Jennifer Hunt and Dan Baritchi

Go here to get it today!
http://www.online-dating-tips-and-guide.com

Ask Dan and Jennifer » first date

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