Ask Dan and Jennifer » first date

How Can I Tell If My Date Really Likes Me? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 12:42:25 +0000

Navigating the dating world can be difficult for both men and women. It’s hard to tell what your date’s motivations are and if they really like you or not.

Both men and women can also send mixed messages too, making it even harder for you to figure out what is going on. How can you tell if your date really likes you?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How can I tell if she’s really into me?

–Jeff, North Carolina

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Dating vs. Friends

The first way to tell if your date really likes you is to look at the dating pattern. Are you going on dates with this person alone or are you going on dates with other friends as friends? If you’re going on dates with them alone, do you continue to go out on dates or call each other?

If the answer is that you are dating this person, as in going on dates alone with them and spending time with them, chances are they really do like you. Neither men nor women will continue to date someone and continue to spend time with someone if they’re not at least a little interested.

If you’re dating someone, you can assume they like you enough to give you more chances, and they probably like you a lot!

If you and your date are going out with other people, such as your friends, it can be a little more difficult to figure out if they like you or not.

Body Language

Another way to tell if your date really likes you is to pay attention to their body language. Do they move close to you when they talk to you? Do they touch your arm or your leg as they’re having a discussion with you? If your date seems really interested in you and really does like you, you’ll be able to tell by watching their body language.

Talk To Them

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The Easy Way To Get A Girlfriend

Alex Shalman — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 13:07:51 +0000

On many occasions my guy friends would come to me for advice and ask me how they could get a girlfriend. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been dating since 6th grade, or possibility because they’ve never seen me without a girlfriend.

When it comes to dating, the number one thing to do is organize our priorities. It follows that the number one question to ask ourselves is, “why do I want to be in a relationship.”

Why Do YOU Want to Be in a Relationship?

The answer to this question will be very unique and personal to you. It could be for fun, for sex, for security, for comfort or a large variety of other reasons. Whatever your reason is, it’s important for you to have a clear distinction of what you’re looking for.

My current style of dating is “dating for marriage.” This means that I’m looking for someone that I think will make an awesome wife, will fulfill my needs till death do us part, and someone that I’ll be able to give my love to fully and easily. I would define this as a passionate-friendship.

This hasn’t always been my style of dating though. My dating technique used to consist of dating anybody who was interested in me.

With that technique at the center of my game I made some very wrong choices. Choices that would ultimately leave me feeling frustration and a lack of control.

Through much trial and error, and over a decade of dating, I’ve put together the pieces of the dating puzzle.

Now it’s simple to see that being a confident dater, and getting the person that you want, is as simple as defining what it is that you are looking for.

“So You’ve Figured it Out. Good For You, But What About Me?”

I have no intention of leaving you hanging without the answer that you’re looking for. The way to figure out what you want is to sit down with yourself, and carefully do an extensive self-examination of all of your needs and wants.

The key to this is to ask yourself all the right questions in all the important categories.

These questions aren’t magic, nor are they secret, and I have full intention of freely divulging them to you, at no charge, and at your earliest convenience.

While I’m at it though, I’d like to tell you some of the other tips and tricks that I have deciphered over the years.

What Do You Really Want?

I’d like to help you understand exactly what it is that you want. Then, I will show you how to build up the confidence so that you realize you deserve to have what you want.

After that, we’ll work on approaching the person of your dreams. We’ll work on communicating powerfully, so that you can really get your point across. Then we’ll close the deal together, as you learn a couple of sure-fire tactics for closing the deal and asking them out.

The great part about what I’m going to show you is that it’s not just for getting into a relationship, or “picking up girls (or guys).”

This technique works for people that are already in a relationship, and it also works for building successful business relationships.

This is where a lot of internet markets would say, come and get it for the low low price of something-something dollars.

However, I’m not selling anything. I genuinely want you to be in an amazing relationship, much like the one I went out and got, so that you can be fulfilled.

Think You Have to Let Him Call You First? Not Anymore!

Sarah Elizabeth Malinak — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 14:32:42 +0000

I saw a depiction of a young woman calling a man for a date while maintaining her sexy femininity! It was exciting to witness and I want to share it with you.

I realize that expressing my discomfort over the fact that these days both sexes expect that she will call him for that first date is a favorite drum I beat.

Time and couples have proven that when a woman allows a man to pursue her, if a relationship ensues, the relationship has a better chance of survival.

That means letting him call her first. It means letting him speak first with his voice, though she may speak first with her eyes and body language, giving him encouragement to pursue her.

Calling a Man in a Way That Allows Him to Maintain His Masculine Energy

Given that women call men for dates and that men expect them to, here’s how to do it in such a way that he gets to maintain his sexy position holding the masculine energy and she gets to maintain her sexy position holding the feminine energy!

In the movie, “Happy Go Lucky,” Poppy is a thirty-year-old single female, living in London. With her carefree attitude, it is no surprise that she is a successful grade school teacher. The fact that she is single doesn’t bother her a bit. In fact, the romantic relationship she begins doesn’t occur until the very end of the film.

She has a problem with one of her students becoming violent. A social worker named Tim gets involved. He turns out to be compassionate and effective. A handsome man, he and Poppy spark to each other instantly.

After their session with the student, Poppy walks Tim to the door where they have a flirtatious conversation and reveal their interest in each other. Tim asks Poppy if she would like to go out sometime. She giggles a flirtatious and humorous affirmation. He invites her to give him a call and gives her his phone number.

As Poppy’s life is full, she has plans for the weekend and doesn’t get around to calling him until Sunday. They flirt on the phone until she finally asks, “So, you fancy going out with me sometime?” They then arrange for the following Friday. The way the date is depicted on the screen is delightful in its charm.

Later, at his apartment, they make love. At the foot of his bed, Tim encircles Poppy’s waist with his hands and kisses her repeatedly while she stands in a pose of surrender with her arms akimbo. When she finally takes his head in her hands and caresses him, her touch is visibly warm and inviting.

The Depth of Their Intimacy

It is riveting as this carefree woman, easily taken for being silly, shows up as an excellent lover. Their intimacy the next morning as they putter around his apartment reveals the same tender depth.

He takes her home later in the morning because she has an appointment to keep. She winds up having a stressful day and doesn’t talk to him until the afternoon of the following day. Their conversation is flirtatious and fun as they revel in the possibility that they are falling in love.

How She Maintained Her Femininity While Allowing Him to Maintain His Masculinity

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Why You Should Never Have Sex On The First Date (Video)

Victorya Rogers — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 19:39:16 +0000

Although not having sex on the first date seems to be the golden rule of dating, many men and women still end up in the sack after a dinner, a movie and just a few hours or less to get to know each other.

Are you setting yourself up for first date failure if you hop in bed right away? You bet!

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The Dreaded Booty Calls

You might have or have had a few people on your speed dial who were good for one and only one thing, a booty call, but do you really want to be that person on someone else’s speed dial? No way!

If you go on a first date that ends up at your apartment or theirs, you’re setting yourself up to become their booty call of the future. Worse, if the sex was bad, they probably won’t call you at all. Think about that before you strip down to your skivvies after the first date!

Ruining Your Shot At A Real Relationship

To some people, being a booty call every once in a while isn’t a big deal and it doesn’t end up being a deterrent not to have sex on the first date. However, if you really like a person and want to try to develop a real relationship with them, you are definitely ruining your chance at that if you end up in bed together right after your first dinner.

Having sex with someone, whether it’s on the first date, the third or the 27^th date, halts the “getting to know you” process. After that point, it truly becomes a sexual relationship for awhile. If it lasts long enough, you and your partner will find a balance between spending time with each other sexually and spending time with each other outside of the bedroom.

Nevertheless, for a good period of time, you and your partner will be fairly focused on sex as you discover each other in a new way.

The Implications of Rushing It

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How To Make Great First Impression On Women

Tiffany Taylor — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 19:00:45 +0000

ALWAYS look your best. I know this sounds REALLY obvious but you’d be surprised by how many men don’t understand the importance of this simple tip.

You never know when the girl of your dreams will turn up, or where. And it’s become a bit of a cliché because it’s true. First impressions really do count.

Here are some figures to consider from my studies.

The Numbers

If you make a GOOD first impression on a woman, you have a 90% chance of EVER getting with her at that point (10% of women for whatever reason will be unreachable for most men at ANY point – she might like women herself etc).

If you make a BAD first impression your chances with her reduce drastically to just 20%. This means that to make her attracted to you AFTER the first 3 minutes of meeting her will be incredibly difficult if her first impressions of you were bad.

It’s the difference between climbing a mountain and using a helicopter to fly up one. Good first impressions means you’re on your way to the top in the helicopter, bad first impressions

Honestly, I can’t stress this enough. Always try to look your best.

Tiff’s 5 S’s of First Impressions

Shave. Shower. Stylish. Smell. Shoes.

Remember these 5 S’s and always take care of them before you go out.

Why are shoes my number 5 S?

Your shoes are the FIRST thing a woman really notices about your clothing and hence your appearance. Make sure your shoes are clean and fashionable.

The Importance of What You Wear

What you wear is very important. I could try to recommend a certain look but as with all things fashionable by the time you read this it may have changed.

Get the latest GQ magazine or other fashionable men’s magazine’s and imitate the styles you see there. Most women don’t really care what labels you are wearing as long as you look good so you don’t have to spend the Earth on clothing.

Many guys I help dress better usually comment on how strange they feel wearing clothes they are uncomfortable in, but nine times out of 10 they start to feel natural and even confident wearing their new wardrobe within days.

The Importance of Scent

Make sure you smell good. Again this is extremely important. Remember how you feel when a woman walks by you and she smells soooo good. You feel an instant attraction even though you don’t know her. Well, that’s how women feel too.

Wear a good-quality cologne, but don’t spray too much.

Don’t Get Carried Away

One squirt on both sides of the neck, and one squirt on both wrists — maximum. You don’t want to smell too overpowering.

I recommend cool water by Davidoff or John Paul Gautier for Men (often called JPG love juice because women love it) if they don’t sell it where you are try to order some from abroad, this stuff is GREAT!

And here’s a GREAT little SECRET that I have found will help you actually pickup about 24% of women without SAYING a word to them! Not a single word! And NO rejection either. You won’t find this anywhere else…

Take just a minute to check out ‘Guy Gets Girl’: “How To Approach Any Woman, Anywhere And Know Exactly What To Say To Get Her To Give You Her Number And Go On A Date With You – NOW”

What To Do When He Doesn’t Call After Your First Date… What Happened? (Video)

Victorya Rogers — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 13:30:39 +0000

Almost every woman has been on a first date where the man didn’t call back afterwards, even if he said he would.It can be frustrating and even embarrassing, but it’s really very normal.

As a woman who hasn’t been called by your date, especially if you’re really interested in the guy, what can you do?

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Going On With Your Life

If you’ve been on a first date with a really great guy and everything seemed to work out great, you might wonder whey he’s not calling you back. It’s important that you don’t obsess about it! Let it go and move on with your life.

You might think that it’s a lost opportunity or you might wonder what it was about you that he didn’t like, and you might be tempted to call him and find out why. Don’t! There are several reasons why he might not have called.

He might have lost your number – really. If he did and he really did like you, he’ll find a way to track you down. He might have had some kind of crisis, or he might be transitioning out of a relationship to make room for you in his life.

Or he might not have liked you. Whatever his reasons are for not calling back, you’re going to have to accept them even if you don’t know exactly what they are. If you call back, asking why he didn’t call, you’re definitely going to look like a psycho stalker woman. Just be cool, calm and collected about it and move on with your life, even going on dates with other men.

The Second Chance

If you didn’t like the guy all that much and he doesn’t call back, it’s really no big deal. If you did, however, really enjoy the time you spent with him, it’s a little more difficult to deal with if he doesn’t call back. You might get a second chance though!

Never Ask Why!

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Who Should Pick Up The Check On The First Date? (Video)

Victorya Rogers — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 13:13:46 +0000

First dates can be uncomfortable in and of themselves. It can be nerve wracking to try to figure out what you should do and what you shouldn’t do on a first date, while at the same time sizing your date up to try to figure out if you really like them.

While we believe that in the 21st century the "one who does the inviting" should pick up the check – whether man or woman… Special guest Victorya Rogers, feels that women need to use some good old fashioned values to catch the perfect man.

If you are a little more old school and believe that the man should always pay on the first date, it can get really uncomfortable if he just won’t pick up the check. What should you do?

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When The Man Doesn’t Pay

The check for dinner is on the table. You haven’t made a move for it, because traditionally, the man pays on the first date. Unfortunately, he hasn’t seemed to make a move for it either. What do you do? Do you pick up the check just to be done with it?

Not necessarily. There are a few things you can do to make it obvious that you expect your date to pay for the check without outright asking that he do so. The first thing you can do is excuse yourself to the bathroom for a certain period of time.

Five or so minutes is usually sufficient, because it will seem like quite a while, but saying "I was only gone five minutes" sounds viable. In this time, your date may pick up the check. He may actually have been waiting for a moment like that to discreetly pay for the food.

Many men don’t want a big deal made out of the check, so they’ll pay it when a woman is in the bathroom or has made her way to the car already.

If you return and the check is still not paid, you can simply ask if you will be leaving soon or what his plans are for the rest of the evening. The point is to avoid asking about the check or mentioning at all.

If he wishes for you to pay the check or pay a portion of it, you’re going to make him ask you to do it directly. He may be waiting awhile, figuring that if he doesn’t say anything about it for a long period of time, you’ll simply pick up the check yourself. You’re not going to give him that opportunity! For you to pay the check, he is going to have to ask you outright.

If You End Up Picking Up The Check

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Are You Dating Mr. Or Mrs. Maybe? Stop It Already!

Scot and Emily McKay — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 13:10:11 +0000

I’m not sure where exactly it happened.

But somewhere along the way our culture decided that “dating” was synonymous with “having sex”. At the very least it’s viewed as such in the narrow minds of enough of the general population to keep tons of self-conscious people all over the fruited plain from dating more than one person at a time.

Why we’re dating one person at a time

And if that’s the prevailing mindset, the way most of us operate is understandable.

After all, most women are more than just a little protective of their reputations.

Meanwhile, on the guys’ side, there’s a deep-seated fear of being branded a “player”…often easily rooted out by a few well-placed questions from a woman on a first date.

What does all this fear lead to? You guessed it. People tend to date one person at a time—sometimes for months or even years—only to ultimately decide that the person they’re with isn’t The One.

Why it doesn’t work

So my question is a simple one.

How in the world is someone—man or woman—supposed to effectively figure out what he or she even really wants from “Mr. or Mrs. Right” when he or she is burning so many cycles hanging out with “Mr. or Mrs. Maybe”?

And can we change our collective mindset to one where “dating” several people at once isn’t only acceptable, but preferable?

For starters, I think it’s time to broaden our perspective. I think it’s time for a real, live re-evaluation of exactly what “dating” should be for.

What dating shouldn’t be

First of all, let’s clarify what dating shouldn’t be.

For starters, it shouldn’t necessarily be “practice marriage”, especially not on the first date (!) or shortly thereafter. If you are still looking at every date as a “marriage interview”, I wouldn’t be surprised if you ran into beaucoup frustrating, if not flat-out awkward moments out there.

Second of all, dating doesn’t have to be placed in a box with a particular label on it. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

Dating in the 21st century

If you’re into high-pressure, formal mood-killers like Ye Olde Dinner And A Movie, welcome to the 21^st century. First dates should be more interactive and fun…with plenty of opportunity to actually get to know each other.

After all, let’s face it. Unless you’re trying to intentionally limit your dating pool to people you work with and/or those whom your mother sets you up with, the “get to know you” part is going to be paramount.

And with literally everyone jumping on the online dating bandwagon these days, who in their right mind is still hell-bent on “dipping their pen in the company ink”? There are 3 billion MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex) out there…most of them single!

How to date online

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How You Can Turn Hesitation and Fear Into Positive Dating Experiences

Matt Savage — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 12:34:15 +0000

You are sitting next to the phone, staring a small scrap of paper in your hand. There is the name of the beautiful woman you met last night and scrawled just below it are ten digits, her phone number.

You’re sweating. Your throat is tightening. Your heart beats faster and faster. You pick up the phone and begin dialing. This is it. It’s make or break time.

You finger grazes over the last number on the dial pad and suddenly, in a fit of nervousness, you hang up. A wave of guilt rushes through your head. You begin to rationalize your cowardice.

"Tomorrow…yea, I’ll wait to call tomorrow. She’s probably busy and it’s too soon to call anyways," you say to yourself.

Ten days later…

You are walking out the door and happen to glance at a small scrap of paper sitting on the top of your burrow. It’s sitting there collecting dust.

"I should have called her sooner," you think, "She probably won’t even remember who I am. Well, it’s too late now."

You let out a heavy sigh, pick up the scrap of paper and toss it in the trash can.

Procrastinating in your dating life?

Has this situation ever happened to you? Have you ever been in a moment where you procrastinated in your dating life? Have you ever lost the person of your dreams because you were too nervous to make a move? Unfortunately, this hesitation is all too common, particularly for those of us that are still new to the dating scene.

Despite what Hollywood has taught us, there is never going to be that perfect magical moment. You will never have that special love scene, where you swoop into each others arms and ride off into the sunset. Life isn’t like that and you shouldn’t wait for it.

Less than perfect dating experiences

The truth is that your dating experiences will be less than perfect. It’ll be scary. It’ll be clumsy. And it’ll be awkward. That’s the way it is and you can’t think that you can avoid these things. Better yet, you should learn to embrace them. Rather than running away, work with what you have in the moment.

So how do you avoid the hesitation and take matters into your own hands? Easy. You just keep pushing through the fear barrier and use whatever is at your disposal.

If all you have is a squeaky voice and a stomach full of butterflies, then go with it. Even if it means failure. Because if you don’t at least try, you’ll never know what would’ve happened.

You are not James Bond, with all kinds of fancy gadgets and perfect timing at your disposal. No, you are MacGyver. All you have is this little crappy Swiss Army knife and a roll of Duct tape. The clock is ticking and you either use the materials you have with you or you fail. That’s just the way it is, accept it and live it.

"Hi, this is MacGyver. We all know how these things work, so when you hear the beep, go for it." – MacGyver’s answering machine

To learn more about Matt Savage, visit www.TheModernSavage.com.

Are You Setting Yourself Up For Heartache With Unrealistic Dating Expectations?

Lisa Quirke — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:28:21 +0000

The thing about dating expectations is that sometimes, even when you don’t really have any, they can reach right around and bite you right in the butt.

It can be hard to keep expectations at a realistic level and that’s not even the half of it.

Why? Because there’s another person involved with expectations all their own.

Even at its simplest level, dating is full of expectations. From expecting the phone to ring to expecting an email to having high (or low) expectations for a date, they seem to invade our thoughts at every turn.

Even when we try to keep them at a realistic level, we have no control over the other party’s expectations. And that can be difficult especially if you don’t know what those expectations are.

Motives for dating

People date for all kinds of reasons. Some date to find a lifetime partner; others because they’re bored. Some people see it as a sort of social skills practice; others figure that by dating so many people they’ll eventually find the one they’re looking for. Some are dating to get laid. Still others are too polite to say NO even if they really aren’t feeling it.

Setting ourselves up with unrealistic expectations

This can easily set us up to have unrealistic expectations in dating. For example, if you are dating to find a lifetime partner and the great guy you’ve gone out with 3 or 4 times is into dating as a numbers game, you may very well have your expectations of the relationship set way too high.

Or what about the girl who keeps accepting a date with a guy she really has no interest in because she doesn’t know how to tell him NO? Is he in for a surprise or what? Sure, he is. He thinks she likes him when the reality is she’s probably only interested in him as a friend. His expectations are sure to be shattered.

How to avoid unrealistic expectations

There are a couple of ways to keep your dating expectations realistic and keep yourself grounded in reality.

Know what you want

The first thing you have to do is know what you want. Why are you dating? You have to know what you’re looking for.

If you are dating to find a lifetime partner, you’re going to want to date people who are looking for the same thing. If you’re dating several people hoping to find the right one, you darn sure don’t want to keep going out with someone looking for a lifetime partner. That’s how things get awkward and people get hurt.

Communication is the key

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Can You Win the Approval of the ‘Dating Board’?

Jason Likert — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 15:23:29 +0000

Dating, divorced or not, can be as nerve wracking as a tough job interview. You never know the questions but at least you know what you should get quizzed on. You’ve fielded all of the queries from your new interest but it’s time to move on to what I like to call "The Board Room."

What Is The Dating Board Room?

The Board Room isn’t a physical place. It’s the culmination of several different people who are going to interview you and present their findings to your lady. This interview process can take days, weeks or even months, depending on who is part of the board room. It always occurs, even if you don’t know it. This is where you may here "You’re fired!"

Who Is On The Board?

The board can consist of several different men and women who have the interests of your lady in mind. Most women have at least two confidantes; a "best" girlfriend and a close male "GuyFriend." Other members of the board normally will include at least one or two other friends of either gender and close family, like her mother and dad.

The Girlfriend

You have to sell yourself to this woman. Not only is she the closest person to your lady, your lady is probably her best friend. Early in the relationship The Girlfriend is probably the most important person to not insult, cajole or arouse suspicion in. Her word will be what seals the deal. If she doesn’t like you there’s not much hope for your new relationship.

The "GuyFriend"

The GuyFriend can be a tough sell. Put yourself in his shoes. Here’s a close female friend of his who is dating this new guy (you). You’re competing for part of his turf and she will listen to the GuyFriend to determine if you’re a huge creep. Guys tend to read guys rather well. If you’re obviously a fraud, the GuyFriend will spot you easily.

Mom and Dad

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How Do I Tell My Best Friend I Want to Be More Than Friends? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 13:29:53 +0000

If you find that you’re interested in asking out your best friend, you’re not the first person to have ever experienced this.

Nonetheless, it can still be frustrating and intimidating to want to ask out your best friend and not know how or where to start.

Before you go gung-ho and start wooing your friend with wine and dinner, there are a few things you need to ask yourself first.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I like my best friend (there’s trouble there already) and I want to ask her out but I don’t know how. Many other guys like her too.

How do I make my self seem like the one she should go out with? And how would I do that?

But please hurry!!! Were going to the movies tomorrow and I’m thinking of asking her out tomorrow.

- Kevin, Texas

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Is there true chemistry there that goes above and beyond a friendship?

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Why Having Sex Right Away Doesn’t Mean He’ll Call…

Victorya Rogers — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 13:58:59 +0000

Okay ladies, I know most of you THINK seducing your date is the quickest way to get him to call you back but in reality it’s the worst thing you can do—especially early on!

There are many “dating experts” that will tell you differently including fellow colleague David Wygant, who by the way gives great advice about other aspects of dating.

I just totally disagree with him on this point! Come on Dave! You’re a guy and you are in no way guaranteeing that taking it off gets a call back. It just gives the guy a great time in the moment! The problem is, the minute you leave, ladies, you are out of sight out of mind.

Why taking it all off doesn’t work

I’m not saying be a prude and cover up from the top of your neck to your ankles. I’m saying, ladies, dress to look nice and desirable as a human being not a piece of meat on display. Men don’t fall in love because of their libido.

They fall in love when they allow themselves to give up their heart. Commitment for a man is always a conscious choice. Until a man decides to commit, he will continue to play the field, often with more than one woman at a time.

Sure, most guys will gladly sleep with you, and they’ll be quite pleased with you for satisfying them. Here’s where you will get confused. Just because he sleeps with you doesn’t mean he loves you. In fact, it doesn’t even mean he LIKES you.

It just means you were willing, he was “in the mood” (which is every guy all the time) and so you did it. It in no way means anything else, in HIS mind as far as “commitment.” Rather it will be a pleasant instant gratification moment.

Another negative about jumping in the sack with your date is that the minute sex is involved, the communication level of a developing relationship seems to just freeze. However well you’ve gotten to know each other at that point seems to be as far as the relationship “depth” goes. This is a very bad consequence if you were trying to move him along the path of committing to you.

Thinking sex right away is a good idea? It’s not just you.

I can give you story after story, example after example to prove my case. I’ve seen the evidence all over America and I’ve seen it all through the entertainment industry (where I spent 16 years and all my single years).

I so feel bad for all these female celebrities because they are making the same mistakes many of you are and jumping in the sack, even getting pregnant, to try and catch their man. For them, the results are worse because they’ve just given the guy bragging rights for nabbing a celeb who they didn’t have to commit to first. Kudos to the guy, sympathies for the celebrity who will soon be dumped—that is if she was ever even considered a girlfriend.

Okay, okay, enough ranting, let me close in just telling you there are many other ways to capture that man’s heart than taking it off and using your body, no matter HOW amazing your body is.

Victorya Rogers is the author of The Automatic 2nd Date. To learn more about Victorya Rogers, visit ManToKeep.com.

Met Someone New? How Long Should You Date Before It’s OK To Have Sex? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 14:17:17 +0000

You’ve met someone new.

You have a great connection and things look great.

So when is it okay to have sex for the first time?

There are those who believe it’s okay to have sex on the first date. Others think the third date is the right time, but still others believe you should wait much longer. Perhaps as long until after the wedding.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How long should I date a man morally speaking before we have sex??

And so it will be a better relationship if that’s what is meant to be…

–Erica, California

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts – leave a comment below.

The morality of sex

Morally speaking, there is no right or wrong answer to this question – which is what makes it such a great question. People who are uncertain about what boundaries they have when making the decision to have sex with the person they’re dating might be a little surprised to learn that the only boundaries they have are the ones they set for themselves…

4 Ways Nerves Can Wreck A First Date

Bethany Smith — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:03:05 +0000

First dates can be excruciating to your nerves. You want to make a good impression – no, a great impression, so that this person will see everything that is fabulous about you and call you the next day for a second date.

This could be “the one” after all, and too many times our nerves get to us and cause us to do some, well, less than attractive things.

I’ve listed the top 4, in no particular order, and some solutions that can help you overcome the nerves and just be you… calm & confident.

Nervous Habit #1: Eating.

Believe it or not, this is one of the most common signs of nervousness. Picture it: you’re sitting there with a fantastic person across from you… it gets quiet for a moment… nothing brilliant comes to mind to break the silence with, so you reach for a roll and comment on the restaurant’s atmosphere.

Reaching for a roll isn’t the problem… but if you’re not careful, you’ll find that your mouth is constantly full of food.

Just take a deep breath, and be okay with silence. Look at what’s on the table in front of you and make a quick decision to eat only what is appropriate. Then pace yourself. The key is to not allow yourself to get so uncomfortable that you reach out for food.

Some people tend to eat because they are uncomfortable with attention, and they focus on the food in an attempt to draw attention away from themselves. In this case, just relax and enjoy the attention. If it’s creepy, just end the date earlier than normal and you won’t have to see that person again. There’s no sense going home with a disappointing date AND a few extra pounds of food!

Nervous Habit #2: Talking - or NOT talking.

This is perhaps the most damaging sign of nervousness, because it can really affect the way a new person thinks about your personality.

If you are someone who seems to go quiet and blank when you are nervous, then you might want to rehearse your date. You might feel silly doing it, but if you visualize over and over again asking specific and interesting questions, or bringing up unique conversations that fit your personality and interests, it won’t be very difficult at all to get those conversations started. And soon enough, you’ll be comfortable with this person and will not have to visualize the conversations in advance.

If you’re someone who seems to talk fast and incessantly when you’re nervous, you’re going to have to also do some prep work. Wear a piece of jewelry that will remind you to listen to yourself speak. Anything that is slightly intrusive on your awareness level will work great.

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Ten Tips for Blind Date and Set Up Survival

Natalie Lue — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 13:22:30 +0000

It’s bound to happen if you’re single. Some well intentioned friend or acquaintance will come to you full of excitement and want to set you up with the perfect person.

You may balk at first, but then you think, "Oh why not? What have I got to lose?" and you agree to meet Mr. or Ms. Perfect.

As the big night approaches, keep an open mind and follow these ten tips to make it an enjoyable experience.

Enter the date with a blank slate approach

It is best to apply the pinch of salt rule here – Whatever information you think you know about them or how much they’ve been bigged up by your friends, don’t get carried away.

People LOVE to exaggerate and they tend to tell you about qualities that the person fails to exhibit on the date but leave out crucial nuggets of information.

Always remember: people have their ‘date version’ and their ‘friend version’ so unless these people have actually dated your date, they really just don’t know half the time! Which brings me to…

Don’t be toooooo familiar

I know you’ve been set up and may know a little info where some of it can be used for conversation fodder…but proceed with caution. You may get carried away and repeat something that wasn’t intended for consumption…

Manage your expectations

This is a dating opportunity. You don’t have to get married, you don’t have to see them again after this date if you don’t want to, and you certainly don’t have to like or sleep with them. It’s a date like any other date except for that you got set up…and they know your friend.

I know, I know, awkward sometimes! It is a good idea to draw a line in the sand before the date with your friend so that they manage their expectations too. This way you can find out if they’re the sort that will take offense if you don’t come back with glowing praise.

Remember that your friend is the introducer not the facilitator of your date

Think of it like using a free dating agency. Would you phone them up and cuss them because your date wasn’t what was expected? Would you expect the agency to run interference between you both? From the moment that you arrange the date, three is a crowd.

You also don’t want to get into high school territory with the whole getting your mate to find out what the score is. Do your own dirty work! Oh and obviously if things go sour, the last thing that your friend will want to be accused of is having any part in it!

Be positive

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The 12 Commandments Of First Dates

Natalie Lue — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 13:15:42 +0000

Thou shalt not speak of your ex or theirs

The golden rule of the first three dates is NEVER discuss your ex. I could write a whole post on this but as a guideline, if exes come up, keep it vague and move on. You should both have way more to talk about than each other’s pasts loves. Find out about each other before you even think of venturing into the shark infested ex waters.

Talking about your ex may give the impression that you’re not over them and it also may cause your date to draw, rightly or wrongly, conclusions about you. Even worse, sometimes people adjust their behavior and true character on the basis of the information that you reveal. Just don’t go there!

Thou shalt manage your expectations

Expectations, whether you have too little or too much tend to be behind a lot of problems with dating and relationships. You need to go on a first date with eyes open and with your feet firmly in reality.

If you go with too little or with too high expectations, this will not only skew your perception of the person and the date, but it is likely to cause you to ignore important signals about whether this is someone you should pursue further dates with.

Thou shalt leave your jaded, cynical, self at home

I’ve had more bad dates than hot dinners (OK slight exaggeration) but I still kept on going on dates. It’s best not to tar everyone with the same brush and if you can’t stop being negative, you shouldn’t be dating. Positive mental attitude!

Thou shalt make an effort with your appearance

It’s not all about the surface stuff but unfortunately it is the first thing that’s noticed. Hair combed, teeth brushed, breath smelling good (or at least of nothing), not too much perfume or after shave, no B.O., and avoid fashion faux-pas.

Thou shalt be a decent conversationalist

Conversation and communication is all about the exchange hence you must have a good balance of listening and talking. If all you can hear is your voice or theirs, the balance isn’t right. Be careful of spending your brain power thinking about what you’ll say next instead of listening. Ask questions but don’t interrogate, and steer clear of danger topics like religion or politics.

Oh and yes, it goes without saying that you should actually talk and make an effort to overcome your shyness as nobody wants to feel like they’re talking to themselves…

Thou shalt use your manners

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5 First Date Mistakes Men Make That End In Heartbreak – And How You Can Avoid Them

Michael Webb — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 14:52:48 +0000

Let’s face it you never get a second chance to make a first impression!

That’s why, if you want to take things further with a woman, you need to show her your best on the very first date.

And in actual fact, there are 5 things that men consistently do on first dates that totally destroy their chances of seeing the woman again, and the worst part is they think they’re doing it right!

Avoid the following 5 mistakes to increase your chances of fun and creative date ideas:

Mistake #1: Buying gifts

Bringing chocolate or flowers on a first date isn’t the best idea – especially if you’ve just met the woman! She’s there to get to know YOU. Women are always asking themselves "what does THAT mean?" And in this case it’s, "He bought me flowers because he likes me, but he doesn’t even know anything about me yet! A little suspicious.

Mistake #2: Being Mr. Serious

When in the presence of a potential date, men often become boring, instead of keeping up the friendly vibe they have with their friends. They won’t make jokes or laugh with the woman, they won’t play around like they do with their friends and they generally take things a little too seriously.

Why do men change their behavior around women, often without even realizing they’re doing it? Because they fear losing their only chance with the girl of their dreams, they try and play the safe side, which results in a “Mr. Serious.”

Mistake #3: Conducting an Interview

When men become "Mr. Serious" they often fall into "job interview conversation mode." Make sure you reserve questions like, "So where do you work?" or "How many brothers and sisters do you have?" for the future, after you’ve already had a lot of fun and made the sparks fly. Instead, talk about your hobbies, interesting stories and fun stuff.

Avoid anything too deep for a long period of time. On a first date, it can make things a little depressing. Talk like you’ve known each other for years (as if you don’t need to do the awkward 20-questions quiz.) Of course you can ask basic questions, but never make it the main focus of your date. Focus on fun.

Mistake #4: Being too needy and direct

Without realizing it, many guys turn their dates off by trying a little too hard. For example: Men will lean into a woman’s personal space, and ask, "so do you like me?" or constantly change his opinion to seek her approval and make her like him. Big mistake.

Ironically, it’s leaning back, staying cool and calm, being a little cheeky, interesting, mysterious and comfortable with yourself that actually gets a woman’s attention and keeps her interested.

Mistake #5: Going to boring places

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First Date Dilemma

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 00:32:41 +0000

Singles muddle through mixed messages, fuzzy intentions, and changing social mores.

Gone are the days when a man and a woman meeting over a drink knew the outing was undoubtedly a first date. With lines blurring between the platonic and the romantic, defining what constitutes a first date has become a guessing game, as maddening as catching a gnat with chopsticks.

The various intentions behind a first date, from finding a mate to bedding a casual-sex partner, has forced many singles to define exactly what it is.

Check out First Date Dilemma, a great article from Mark de la Vina of the San Jose Mercury News. Not only is Mark’s article entertaining and well written…

It also features extensive quotes from your favorite Dating & Relationship advice columnists, Dan and Jennifer. Yes, we’re biased. . Go check it out.

Ask Dan and Jennifer » first date

How Can I Tell If My Date Really Likes Me? (Video)

Dating vs. Friends

Body Language

Talk To Them

The Easy Way To Get A Girlfriend

Why Do YOU Want to Be in a Relationship?

“So You’ve Figured it Out. Good For You, But What About Me?”

What Do You Really Want?

Think You Have to Let Him Call You First? Not Anymore!

Calling a Man in a Way That Allows Him to Maintain His Masculine Energy

The Depth of Their Intimacy

How She Maintained Her Femininity While Allowing Him to Maintain His Masculinity

Why You Should Never Have Sex On The First Date (Video)

The Dreaded Booty Calls

Ruining Your Shot At A Real Relationship

The Implications of Rushing It

How To Make Great First Impression On Women

The Numbers

Tiff’s 5 S’s of First Impressions

The Importance of What You Wear

The Importance of Scent

Don’t Get Carried Away

What To Do When He Doesn’t Call After Your First Date… What Happened? (Video)

Going On With Your Life

The Second Chance

Never Ask Why!

Who Should Pick Up The Check On The First Date? (Video)

When The Man Doesn’t Pay

If You End Up Picking Up The Check

Are You Dating Mr. Or Mrs. Maybe? Stop It Already!

Why we’re dating one person at a time

Why it doesn’t work

What dating shouldn’t be

Dating in the 21st century

How to date online

How You Can Turn Hesitation and Fear Into Positive Dating Experiences

Procrastinating in your dating life?

Less than perfect dating experiences

Are You Setting Yourself Up For Heartache With Unrealistic Dating Expectations?

Motives for dating

Setting ourselves up with unrealistic expectations

How to avoid unrealistic expectations

Know what you want

Communication is the key

Can You Win the Approval of the ‘Dating Board’?

What Is The Dating Board Room?

Who Is On The Board?

The Girlfriend

The "GuyFriend"

Mom and Dad

How Do I Tell My Best Friend I Want to Be More Than Friends? (Video)

Is there true chemistry there that goes above and beyond a friendship?

Why Having Sex Right Away Doesn’t Mean He’ll Call…

Why taking it all off doesn’t work

Thinking sex right away is a good idea? It’s not just you.

Top 10 Dating Questions for Singles

1. How do you start dating again?

2. What should you do?

3. What should you never do?

4. Where can one find people of the same age?

5. How do you introduce yourself?

Met Someone New? How Long Should You Date Before It’s OK To Have Sex? (Video)

The morality of sex

4 Ways Nerves Can Wreck A First Date

Nervous Habit #1: Eating.

Nervous Habit #2: Talking - or NOT talking.

Ten Tips for Blind Date and Set Up Survival

Enter the date with a blank slate approach

Don’t be toooooo familiar

Manage your expectations

Remember that your friend is the introducer not the facilitator of your date

Be positive

The 12 Commandments Of First Dates

Thou shalt not speak of your ex or theirs

Thou shalt manage your expectations

Thou shalt leave your jaded, cynical, self at home

Thou shalt make an effort with your appearance

Thou shalt be a decent conversationalist

Thou shalt use your manners