Ask Dan and Jennifer » funny

Relationship Humor – International Symbol of Marriage

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 15:33:56 +0000

International symbol of marriage is Approved by the UN

New York AP- April 21, 2005: After 5 months of heated debate, the Commission on Human Rights of the United Nations approved the new International Symbol of Marriage.

What Does Your Drink Say About YOU?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 22:15:30 +0000

Before you order a drink in public or try figure out how to approach that really hot girl, you should read this!

It was forwarded to me in an email today.

It’s funny, but pay attention… There just may be some truth to it.

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could ‘nail’ a woman’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

Check out the results.

PART A: WOMEN-DRINKS, WHO THEY ARE, & YOU!

Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth. Your
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won’t have to approach her If she’s interested, she’ll send YOU a drink………

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is…this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk… and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however,
be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila No explanations required – everyone just KNOWS what happens there…

PART B: MAN-DRINKS & WHO THE MEN ARE!

THEN, there is the MALE addendum — The deal with guys is, as always, very
simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He’s poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn’t give a damn about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

White Zinfandel: He’s gay

Code Word for Sex (Relationship Humor)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 17 Mar 2007 02:00:29 +0000

We hope this brings a smile to your face…

Code Word for Sex

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it.

They decided on the word Typewriter.

One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".

The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can’t type a letter right now because there is a red ribbon in the typewriter."

The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."

The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

Gone Fishing (Relationship Humor)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 14:19:27 +0000

"Gone Fishing"

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

There I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that s**t?"

Laugh Till You Cry… This is Real Alternative Medicine! (hilarious video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 21 Nov 2006 21:19:00 +0000

This guy is unreal, you’ve gotta see it! If you haven’t seen this video, watch it now. And if you have, watch it again!

From Elvis, to the Village People, to Snoop Dogg and Eminem… Heck, even the Macarena and the Chicken Dance.

Guaranteed to make you laugh till you cry!

Ok, here’s the video…

His name is Judson Laipply and his site is http://www.judson.tv/

If you’re trying to keep up, here’s a short list…

Elvis, the Twist, The Village People, Disco, Kung Foo Fighting, Snoop Dogg, The Chicken Dance, Can’t Touch This, What is love?, Techno, Cotton Eye Joe, The Macarena, Eminem, Hip Hop.

Thoughts?

Pfizer Does Tequila… (awesome video clip)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 12 Nov 2006 09:53:00 +0000

You’ve got to see this video…

This is what happens when the folks at Pfizer get their hands on a Tequila company.

Enjoy!

On a more serious note, it’s REALLY scary when you realize this is exacly what they’re doing with the fancy meds on the market these days.

Anyone remember the purple pill? Anyone remember what the heck that pill does? Nope, just the soothing background music and happy peaceful people, and a strong encouragement to "ask your doctor about the purple pill".

Most of the medications that are promoted by the big drug companies have serious side effects. Most of them not worth the small, temporary benefits that you receive.

We highly recommend that you try a natural or homeopathic remedy before getting that prescription filled.

Have an absolutely awesome day!
Dan & Jennifer
__________________________________
Ask Dan and Jennifer – Empower Your Life!
Dating, Relationships, and Personal Growth
www.AskDanAndJennifer.com