If you’re interested in learning how to win HER back, here’s a bit of information that might help. It may not be easy and it might not even work but if you don’t at least try, you will never know. You also need to understand that some relationships are just not meant to work and if that is the case with yours, then don’t even waste your time and effort. Rather look else where for comfort and a new beginning. However, the main objective here is to “win her back” and so this is how we do it.

Control Your Emotions

Firstly, you need to be in control of your emotions. This is not an easy task at present, emotions are running high for both of you, ranging from anger to grief and shock so it is difficult to try and focus. It requires both conscious effort and control and you need to keep your “eye on the ball” as it could be tough, time consuming and sometimes, demoralizing. But if you stay focused, then you have the opportunity to prove to yourself and everybody around you that you’re capable to deal with difficult situations.

Don’t Retaliate

When staying in control, you have to keep a mind to not retaliate. Most guys retaliate after a breakup and this definitely will make things worse than they already are. “Getting her back” or “making her want you more by making out with her friend” will NOT work. It will only validate her mistrust of you and push her away even further. You need to give your former girlfriend time alone, avoid contacting her, especially immediately after the break up. This is probably one of the most difficult things to do, but it is necessary and it also gives her a chance to miss you.

Don’t Hibernate

The last thing you need to do is “hibernate” as it is often tempting to stay at home along following a rough breakup and but this is the worse thing you could do. Not only will you be seen as weak, but it will exacerbate your situation even further driving home your sense of loneliness. It is important that you stay in touch with your friends and continue to enjoy life. You need to keep yourself busy.

How To Plan A Come Back Strategy

If you want to know how to approach your former girlfriend, talk to her friends (if they agree to talk to you), if not, be persistent and let them see you are genuinely regretful. The more information you can gather on her state of mind and her feelings towards you, the better. Research, organization and preparation hand in hand together with a romantic occasion should work hands down any time. Once you have an idea of where her mind is at, you can plan your approach accordingly and design a “come back” strategy that will not only impress her, but “blow her socks off.”

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The Pattern Of A Relationship

Generally speaking, most relationships follow a predictable pattern. There is the honeymoon period where you first meet someone and everything is wonderful and new. They can do no wrong and you can do no wrong in their eyes. The sex is fantastic, the chemistry electric but after while, this starts to feel more comfortable rather than exciting. You start to adjust to one another, make compromises, and at this point, the relationship changes again. I call this the “establishment” period. At this point, cohabitation often occurs, a little “nesting” starts to rear its head and “she” and “he” become “we.”

A little further down the line comes the “disenchantment” stage where suddenly the little quirks that amused you and you were willing to overlook now start to bother you and in fact, often become the “bone of contention” as a means to “pick a fight.” This is the true test of a relationship and it is this particular phase of the relationship that you need to reflect upon. If you believe you can save your relationship after this deep reflection then you need to do the following:

Apologize!

So many “fools of love” out there say, “treat em mean, keeps em keen” and they are so far off the beaten track that they will never find their way on the path to true love. It takes strength of character and great sacrifice to apologize particularly if you do not believe you were in the wrong. However, sometimes it really is worth “losing a battle to win a war.” Once you have taken this first step, the rest is not that difficult to follow. Remember, it takes two people to have a successful relationship and knowing exactly what to apologize for is crucial.

Talk Things Through Face To Face

Invite your ex to meet you at a time and place convenient for you both where you can sit down and talk. The idea is to be quietly assertive, not forceful, but intent enough to get her to agree to meet you face to face. You both need to chat about the issues objectively, without blame and maturely. If necessary, suggest couple counseling with a therapist so she can see that you are serious in your quest.

Give Her Time And Space

This is probably one of the hardest things to do but by allowing your ex space not only gives her a chance to calm down and reflect, but also to miss you and it is true that as time passes, one only remembers the good times. By allowing a little time to pass, takes the heat of the anger out of the equation and emotions to settle into places of calm. This can only work in your favor.

Treat Her Like A Lady

This doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to take her on a triple Treat of Champagne Breakfast, Balloon and Boat Ride but it does mean you need to do things differently! She is the most important person on earth to you; show her this in your actions, not only in your words! Treat her like a lady and show your romantic side. A little bit of romance goes a long way!

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You’ve broken up with your ex and are either single or with someone new, but you know you jumped back into the dating pool too soon. You realize this was a rebound knee-jerk reaction and what’s worse, you can’t get your ex out of your mind. You want her back and you want her back for good! Stick around because not only will I tell you how you can get her back, but how you can improve on your own life and self-image at the same time.

Learn To Live Your Life

We all know men and women are wired differently – “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus right?” But what if you could rewire the inner you, both physically as well as emotionally! You can and whilst you may not wake up tomorrow a totally new person both physically and emotionally (believe me it doesn’t even happen overnight on those reality television shows), the first step in creating a new you to win her back is to START living the life you want to live and being the person you and SHE wants you to be.

It can’t be that difficult or too far a reach or disconnect or else she wouldn’t have dated you in the first place right? We are all primed from early childhood, allocated labels, “athletic,” “academic,” “artistic” etc., but often these labels are self-fulfilling prophecies that create our identity as opposed to shaping our own identity.

Explore A New You

Despite the fact that your breakup with your ex might have been the catalyst for your desire to change, self-actualization, or becoming more confident is part of life’s evolution. With evolution, your needs change, you acquire wisdom and experience and now you have reached a stage where you need to try something different.

You may want to explore a new career, move to a different location, explore other activities and behaviors. In fact, this could also be the reason your relationship with your ex back-fired. Neither of you were getting what you needed. Perhaps she felt unappreciated or bored, and perhaps you found excuses to be away from home. However, the breakup between the two of you is treating the symptom, not the cause.

Take Care Of Yourself

Take the next couple of days to make a list of all the positive and negative factors in your relationship but at the same time, look after your health by eating healthy, exercising and getting enough sleep. This time apart allows you to reassess your life, and your possible life together with your ex, objectively.

By the time you meet up with your ex she will already begin to see the ‘new emerging you’; and might possibly be inspired to join you. Whatever the situation, it is important to remember that you’re not stuck with who you were in the past. We often feel like who or what we aspire to be has to “make sense.” But we’re always growing, and taking a leap into a new life is exciting and even better with your ex by your side.

It starts off as small steps and it was Confucius who said: “A journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step,” and so to create a new you and a new relationship, it’s often the little things that are the first step.

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Start Off Slow

With agreement at hand, you have to respect the decision to take it slow! However taking it slow doesn’t necessarily mean just holding hands. You’d be surprised as to how erotic, exciting and anticipatory restricting your physical contact can actually be.

There are many types or sorts of kissing that dangle on a continuum that ranges from foreplay to after play like a g-string on a wash line. These kisses range from playful kisses like the chocolate kiss to the cold, peeled grapes kiss. Have I got your attention now?

Don’t Kiss Just Her Mouth

The Kama Sutra lists 19 different types of kisses, but now is your time to invent more! Pay attention to the areas of her body you have neglected before. Just because you are kissing her doesn’t mean you have to restrict yourself to her lips. Why don’t you pay lavish attention to her legs, working your way along her legs, always remembering your self-control. Start at her little toes, to the top of her leg, then back down to her ankles, knees and so on, occasionally blowing against the back of her legs, alternating between hard and lighter breaths. This technique is sure to leave her begging for more!

The Chocolate Kiss

There is also the Chocolate Kiss. What women wouldn’t enjoy this one? It’s always best to use a smooth, creamy chocolate that melts easily in your mouth. The smoother the better, obviously! Once the chocolate starts to melt, kiss her and twirl your tongues around hers.

One could also use hard but small pieces of candy, mix up the colors and try and guess at the different flavors, the fun part being trying to steal her bits of candy as she does yours.

Other creative contributors to “sweet kisses” are caramel, strawberries and cream, which involve the seductive licking of spoons, feeding one another strawberries, exchanging the strawberries with whipped cream between each other’s mouth.

The Champagne Kiss

Champagne or fizzy drink can provide a different sensation so the more fizz, the better. When you are ready to kiss her, take a sip and keep some in your mouth, dribble some into your partners’ mouth gently so that you share more than spill into one another’s mouth.

Use Your Teeth

Okay, so we’ve spoken about lips, but what’s inside the lips besides the tongue are the teeth. Now that’s an interesting thought. Starting slowly, simply graze parts of her body as you kiss her, using the edges of your teeth almost like fingernails, or as you would your tongue, lightly tickling her shoulders, arms and hands. Suck on each one of her fingers and, as you remove them from your mouth, softly apply pressure using your teeth.

Nibble Her Skin

If she enjoyed this, try lightly biting the back of her neck or other body parts in between passionate kissing. Don’t overdo it and remember, when you feel you are going to lose control – STOP! Your agreement was to take it slow, to build trust and I can assure you, by the time the next date night arrives, she will be ready to jump your bones!

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Leave Flowers & A Note In Her Car

If she drives her own car, leaving a red rose on her windscreen with a hand note from you explaining that you know words are cheap and that you ask her to give you a chance to show her why the two of you are meant to be together. You need to leave a little hint of a proposed romantic rendezvous that gives enough information to show your sincerity but not too much so as to create an allure.

Leave Flowers Or A Gift On Her Doorstep

If she has moved out and is living with a friend/sister or parents, make sure that you do the same but leave it on her/their doorstep at a time you know she will definitely find it.

Don’t Give Her A Chance To Rethink

Ensure you have set the romantic date for the following evening (which you have planned well in advance) so that she does not have time to get 100 negative input ideas from over-protective friends and family.

Make Sure You Look Good!

Deck yourself out in the most attractive NEW clothes you can find, have a haircut, shave and use an aftershave she cannot resist.

Surprise Her With A New Place

Choose a restaurant that you two have never been to, that is extremely romantic, make sure you book the secluded corner table, even ask for a separate dining room/area if possible and arrive EARLY.

Treat Her Like A Queen

When she gets to the table (which she will if you have done what we tell you), then make sure you stand up as she approaches and treat her like a queen, pulling out her chair, and after you sit down, look at her, drink her in and hold her eyes with yours as you tell her how exceptionally beautiful she looks. Before she can scoff at her compliment (which she might view as a superficial compliment), rise from you chair, get down to eye level next her while she is seated in her chair and put your finger gently on her lips and ask her to just listen to what you have to say before she responds.

Explain Yourself – And Apologize

Staying where you are, you tell her how much she means to you, what a complete idiot you have been, how having her gone has left a hole greater than all the black holes in space, in your life. Tell her you are prepared to do anything and keep on doing anything for as long as it takes, even your entire lifetime, to prove this to her.

Kiss Her The Right Way

When you leave alone that night (a must in this case), ask her permission to kiss her and then kiss her with hedonistic ferocity that leaves her hungry for more, then gently pull back.

Be A Gentleman

Make sure she has a ride home, whether with you, a cabby or walk her to her car, like a gentleman.

Send A Follow Up Text

When you get home, text her telling her how much you enjoyed the evening, tell her how beautiful she looked and that you can’t wait to see her again.

Don’t Let Things Sit For Too Long

Follow up and confirm your next date and don’t leave it too long. There is a reason they call it the “art” of seduction. It involves creativity, patience and time.

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When you are faced with problems in your relationship, it would be easy to walk away and let it fail, while it is harder to stay and work it through. When you are faced with these issues, to keep it in perspective, think of the way you felt when you first met and the reason you fell in love. Remember the good and the bad times you shared, and what makes it worth it.

You know that it takes two to tango, and this applies to your relationship as well. An effort from only one party is not going to prove to be successful.

Realize Why Relationships Fail

Many relationships fail for a number of reasons here are a few of the common ones:

• High expectations generally happen when entering a relationship viewing everything through rose-colored glasses/spectacles. When these expectations are not met disappointment and frustration soon follow.
• Financial issues are not taboo between couples. A household budget should be discussed early so you know what is expected of you. It is important to speak up about money issues when they first arise, and not scream about it when you both are angry.
• Manage your stress. Recognize what stresses you both out and do whatever you can to not fall prey. Too much stress can hamper one’s ability to think and respond properly.
• Compromise and do things as a couple. Go to a football match with him and take her shopping, or go on holiday together. Don’t be afraid to speak up and tell your significant other what you want and need. No offence to you guys, but you don’t take hints well, so learn to LISTEN, not just hear! Part of listening also involves not get defensive when she speaks to you, be genuine, compassionate, understanding and sincere.
• Spice up your relationship and go out and have a night on the town together. Bring home flowers and chocolates for no particular reason. Apologize if you have done something to upset her, and surprise her with something that she’s been wanting but do it for “no reason whatsoever” not because it’s her birthday or Valentine’s day.

It Takes Two To Make A Relationship Work

Both of you have to be committed to make this relationship work. Don’t scream, argue and curse, rather sit down, call a meeting and be reasonable and logical about it. Try not to get too emotional, speak calmly when you say what you have to say.

There are an abundance of tips that can stop your breakup, but like with all advice, it may not work in all situations. An understanding of your partner and what your relationship requires can provide you with what you need.

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You’re not alone. Living with the same partner for a long time can become stable and comfortable, and, as a result, can make things stale and lose the spark that made your relationship so special in the first place. Here are some simple, fun and creative ideas to reignite that magic:

Send Her A Unique Gift At Work

Get a piece of paper and some crayons. Draw a bright childlike picture with a smiley sun and two stick figures holding hands. Add labels with your two names pointing to the stick figures. Write ‘I Love You’ inside a heart.

Next get a large formal envelope. Place your drawing inside and type up a formal address label of your partner’s workplace, such as: “For the immediate and urgent attention of: Rebecca Jones, Level 20, Collins & Smith Solicitors, New York.” Mail it to your partner so they receive it in the middle of a busy day.

Have Fun With Water

On a hot summer’s day, buy two large water pistols and take them to the beach with you. Pull them out and throw one to your girlfriend and then have a huge water fight. If you’re lucky (and you probably will be) your lover will want to to take advantage of the fact that you’re both wet and turned on! Find a good hiding place and get your public sex on.

Bring Back Childhood Memories

Contact your partner’s family and ask if there was anything she always wanted when she was a little girl. For example, if she always wanted a porcelain doll, buy one for her birthday. She will not only appreciate the gift, but also the fact that you were thoughtful enough to find out what she always wanted.

Become Kids Again

If you are walking by a park, visit the swings and give her a ride. Might bring back happy memories from childhood.

Organize A Backyard Picnic

Spread a picnic blanket on the ground and get together some snacks, chocolates and champagne. Lie down on the blanket with your partner and gaze up at the stars together.

Show Her You’re Grateful For Her

Leave a long-stem rose where your partner will find it, with a note on it saying: “Thank you for coming into my life.”

Spice Up Your Lovemaking

Probably the most profound way to rekindle the romance in your relationship is to spice up your lovemaking. Surprise your partner with a little gift after you make love, try new sex positions, learn to give your partner an erotic massage before or after, or just spend some time staring into each other’s eyes and caressing their bare skin before making love.

Many people underestimate the power these little things have on a relationship. If things are rough in your relationship don’t wait for your significant other to do something. Take action. Make the first step towards mending your partnership. It’s all about passionate love. Show it.

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1. Send Your Partner A Unique Gift At Work

Get a piece of paper and some crayons. Draw a bright childlike picture with a smiley sun and two stick figures holding hands. Add labels with your two names pointing to the stick figures. Write “I Love You” inside a heart. Next, get a large formal envelope. Place your drawing inside and type up a formal address label of your partner’s workplace, such as: “For the immediate and urgent attention of: Rebecca Jones, Level 20, Collins & Smith Solicitors, New York.” Mail it to your partner so they receive it in the middle of a busy day. Your partner will feel so surprised when she opens the letter, thinking that it will be something boring that she needs to do for work and instead finding the picture you drew saying that you love her!

2. Become Kids Again

If you are walking by a park, visit the swings and give your partner a ride. Push your partner on a merry go round, or go skating at the skating rink. Grab an ice cream cone as a treat, or play a game of Monopoly at home if it’s raining or the weather isn’t nice. Doing anything that you used to do as a kid with your partner will often bring back happy memories from their childhood as well as yours and make you both feel giddy again.

3. Have Fun With Water

On a hot summer day, buy two large water pistols and take them to the beach with you. If you can’t get to the beach, head outdoors to your very own backyard! Pull them out and throw one to your partner and then have a huge water fight. You can also do the same with water balloons or even just the water hose! You’d be surprised at how much fun you can have when you’re acting like a kid again and how turned on you both will be when you’re soaking wet and panting for air!

4. Bring Back Another Childhood Memory

Contact your partner’s family and ask if there was anything she always wanted when she was a little girl. For example, if she always wanted a porcelain doll, buy one for her birthday. If he always enjoyed a trip to the toy store, take him and let him buy anything he wants. Your partner will not only appreciate the gift, but also the fact that you were thoughtful enough to find out what they always wanted or enjoyed doing as a child.

5. Organize A Picnic In Your Backyard

Spread a picnic blanket on the ground and get together some snacks, sandwiches, chocolates and champagne. Put them in a picnic basket and head outside. Lie down on the blanket with your partner and gaze up at the sky together. You can do this during the day or at night, depending on whether you want to be looking at clouds or stars. You can go to the park too, but if you have a fairly private backyard, you don’t have to worry about people catching a glimpse of you and your partner if you start kissing or decide to get a little frisky.

6. Show Your Partner You’re Grateful For Them

Leave a long-stem rose where your partner will find it, with a note on it saying, “thank you for coming into my life.” You can also do this with a box of chocolates, a card or anything else that your partner would think is special. Doing small things for your partner on a regular basis is a great way to let them know that you love them “just because.”

7. Spice Up Your Sex Life

Surprise your partner with a little gift after you make love, try new sex positions, learn to give your partner a sensual massage before or after sex,  or just spend some time staring into each other’s eyes and caressing their bare skin before making love. Give her oral sex if you don’t do so very often, or make the night all about her and her pleasure. She can also do this for you too on a different night! Better sex means a happier, closer emotional relationship too.

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Question: Why is it sometimes so hard to not love your ex girlfriend even though she was quite cold and left you because she didn’t love you? My brain says I should not think of her, but my heart says something different. Well, I hope one day I will find a more intelligent woman.

– From The Dan & Jennifer Love & Sex Forums

Living Up To The Expectations

Everyone has an idea of what they feel a good relationship is. Going into a relationship, the expectations are applied and when their partner doesn’t meet those expectations, those loving feelings start to go away. This leads to an inevitable breakup, whether it is a quick and dirty one or a long, drawn out process. When your ex broke up with you, it was because you didn’t meet their expectations of what a good relationship is. You can’t change their ideas of what a good relationship is, so what do you do? You look for someone who has relationship expectations that are similar to your own. Look for someone who has similar life goals, and someone who has expectations that you can easily meet.

Keep The Hope Alive

The hardest thing to get over after a break up is the feeling of rejection. It cuts deep, and we often feel like we’re unworthy of love and unworthy of a great relationship. Don’t let these feelings overtake your life! Recognize that it’s normal to feel rejected when you get dumped, but realize that you and your ex just weren’t compatible as far as relationship expectations go. And more often than not, a break up has nothing to do with you being a bad partner – it has everything to do with unrealistic expectations. So try your best to work through the emotions instead of trying to stop them – because your feelings absolutely deserve to be validated. Allow yourself to feel them, but also allow yourself room to let them go. There is always hope for another relationship – an even better one – down the road.

Learn From The Past

Each relationship that we are in gives us multiple learning opportunities. Failing to use the opportunities you’ve been given to learn from the past will only make you repeat it in the future. You don’t want to go through a situation like that ever again, right? So think about the things you can do in the future to prevent it, like finding a partner with whom you share similar relationship expectations with. Dwelling on the past and the hurt it has often caused will do nothing but get you running around in circles! Let it go and move on to a better and brighter future.

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It can be especially difficult if the relationship has lasted for several years, even twenty or more years. If you’re not the one who broke it off, being on the losing end of a break up or divorce can be a tough thing to handle.

How do you begin moving on? Where do you start?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

We have 2 kids and were married for 23 years and suddenly she asked me to leave and said it’s over. We’re now divorced and she’s dating again. Now she acts like she hates me.

All these questions torment me. I need answers. How do I move on when she won’t even talk to me?

– Youtube Viewer

The only thing you can control is yourself.

If your partner is the one who ended things with you, you probably feel rejected and out of control. You may want to find out why they left you or what went wrong. Your partner, however, may not be ready to give these answers to you and even more likely, they don’t know the answers either.

The truth is, you can’t control anyone but yourself. You can’t make your partner take you back, you can’t make them tell you why they left and you can’t make them act the way you want them to.

You can, however, control how you react to the situation. You can be petty and vindictive if you choose, but you can also be calm and forgiving too. Only you can choose how you act towards the situation. It will be more difficult to move on, however, if you choose to be vindictive or if you harbor ill feelings and anger towards your partner for ending things.

If you choose to take the higher road and work through your feelings of anger and ultimately let them go, it will be easier to move on.

Working through your anger.

After a relationship ends, it’s normal to go through the stages of grief. You lost something and someone that was dear to you and to the human psyche, it’s the same as if someone you loved passed away. You’re going to feel guilt, denial, anger and frustration. You’re going to be hurt and sad, and you’re even going to want to try to get back together with your partner.

The first step to moving on after a break up or a divorce is to realize that all the feelings you are having are normal. It may not help you feel any better right away, but telling yourself that “you shouldn’t feel this way” is not going to do you a bit of good.

When you’re feeling a particular feeling, let yourself feel it. Let yourself be angry and let yourself feel hurt. Then, let it go. Don’t harbor it. Don’t give those feelings a place to stay. Work through your anger and frustration rather than letting it consume you. In time, you’ll feel better about the end of the relationship and you’ll feel yourself start to move on. Don’t rush the process. It takes time.

The end of a relationship, especially a very long one, is tough for both parties involved. There may never be an answer as to what exactly happened to end the relationship because in almost all relationships, it’s more than a single thing. When you begin to focus on yourself and realize that you are in control of only you, you can start to let go of the hurt and anger and make room for a newer, happier state of being.

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You mourn the loss of your relationship and your partner and you wonder where you went wrong.

If you’re lucky, you’ll figure it out, because some people never do. If you’re able to understand what happened to cause the relationship to end, will you be able to get your ex back?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi! I discovered your videos on YouTube, and figured you could help me out. I had been with my ex-girlfriend for just over 18 months. Everything was going great for the first 12 mos. We broke up a couple of weeks ago, and I was devastated.  She said things had gotten boring and that the past few months she didn’t really feel like a couple. She said she still wanted to be friends and needed time to think. I haven’t heard anything from her since then. I’m getting worried that she’s forgotten about me and never wants to see me again. I’ve realized where I went wrong.  I just want to know if my ex-girlfriend will ever come back to me and if it’s possible how I can get my ex-girlfriend back. Can you help me!

- Matt, Cumbria, England

Realizing the mistakes.

It takes many people a long time to realize their relationship mistakes and even then, the realizations are sometimes biased or one sided. Some people never understand why their relationships end, and this can be frustrating!

You may find yourself in a situation where a relationship has ended and you’re wondering what happened. Take time to really sort out what happened between you and your ex, and what role both of you played in the ending of the relationship. A relationship’s untimely demise is seldom the result of just one person’s actions.

Take a look at what your ex contributed to the relationship’s end, but beware of placing blame all on them. You also need to examine what you contributed to the relationship’s end. If you are able to get to a point where you can truly admit the part you played in what broke you and your ex up, consider yourself better off for it!

Learning from your mistakes.

You’ll never get anywhere if you realize your mistakes but never learn from them. If you’ve figured out what you’ve done that wasn’t right, or that helped bring your relationship to a close, make sure it’s not something that you continue to do in other relationships.

If you and your ex get back together, make certain it’s not something you continue to do in that relationship! You’d be surprised at how many people end up repeating the same mistakes over and over again. It’s important that you use your mistakes as an opportunity to grow and learn.

No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes in a relationship. Part of being in relationships is making mistakes, learning from them, and stopping the behavior in its tracks.

Moving on.

You may be tempted to try to get your ex back, and it’s certainly worth a good try. It’s never certain if you’ll be able to mend what was broken, but you’ll never know unless you give it a shot. Try to contact your ex and let them know that you’ve come to a point where you understand how you contributed to the end of the relationship. Find out if they’ll talk to you and if they’ll accept your resolve to make things different the second time around.

This doesn’t always work, however, and sometimes your partner may not want to pick up where you left off. That’s okay. It may be frustrating and even hurtful, but if your ex doesn’t want to resume the relationship, there’s really nothing you can do about it.

Take this time to cherish what time you and your ex had together and then put it to bed. Learn from your mistakes and take the opportunity to turn something that didn’t happen the way you wanted into something good. Make the next relationship even better! It’s all about growing and learning, and moving on if you have to. Just make sure you’re not repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

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Since the movie “the Secret” came out it seems that everyone has been talking about it.

Basically the Law of Attraction says that you will attract what you think about.

So of course, many people think that they would love to use this knowledge to attract the things that they really want in life such as money, career success and of course a wonderful loving relationship.

But is it easier said than done?

The Law of Attraction on Autopilot

The fact is that most people attract things into their lives by default.  Yes, it’s true. We tend to attract things into our life without thinking about it, we attract by autopilot.  It’s like driving to work everyday, we just do it automatically, without even thinking.

When was the last time you even thought about your route to work?

Yet, this very act of attracting by autopilot is what causes many a relationship to flounder.  How many times have you heard of a woman who married someone just like her father, or a man marrying a woman just like his mother?  Now, it is possible that a relationship like that could be a perfect match but it is also possible that it could just be a continuation of misery.

Repeating Relationship Patterns

How many people do you know who have jumped right into a new relationship and except for the exterior package (yes, it is a different person) the relationship is the essentially the same as the one they left? Same problems, different face.

Have you been guilty of that?

One reason why this happens is because of the Law of Attraction.  You see, during the bad relationship you developed habituated modes of thinking and vibrating.  Just breaking up or even an official divorce does not and will not change that mode of vibration.  We quickly develop habits of looking at the world and it takes time to break those habits.

Part of the problem is that people tend to ruminate on “why” they needed to leave the last relationship, why that person was not right for them and all of the bad qualities of the person they left.  But while they are doing all of this stewing, justifying and ruminating, they are still vibrating in that same place so if they do attract someone new it is very likely that the same problems will be there. They will just be packaged in a different person.

Love Yourself First!

In order to use the Law of Attraction deliberately to create a wonderful relationship you need to spend some time alone, getting comfortable with just yourself.  Find things that you love to do and do them just for fun, don’t try to meet anyone, just get happy with yourself.  And while you are doing this you can consider just what you want in a relationship.

Stop focusing on the things that you disliked in your previous relationship and the things that didn’t work and focus on the good and wonderful things that you want.

You’ll get to a point where you will know you are focusing on the good things you want to attract because you will have good feelings, happy feelings and when you are really ready to attract someone new and wonderful who is right for you, you may even be able to look back on your past relationships with thoughts of appreciation.  That person may not have been the one for you but they did get you to where you are and where you are is the only place you can attract the person who will be right for you and the relationship that you really want.

We all want to attract a loving, wonderful person to co-create a magnificent future with.  Change your focus,  think about and really feel inside what it is that you want in a relationship, then let it go, don’t dwell on it.  Have faith that it will happen for you.

Before you know it you will have attracted the one from your dreams.

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The Universal Law of Attraction (LOA) is a very powerful force in our everyday lives. As human beings, we are very powerful attractors and can use this wonderful, God-given, power to attract or manifest more of what we want in life simply by paying attention to where we place our focus, thoughts, and desires.

One of the biggest mistakes that people make with the Law of Attraction is trying to control another person. For example, picturing your ex-taking you back is actually a form of trying to control his or her actions and feelings. You simply can’t control how another person feels or acts, only how you react to their feelings and actions.

Here’s a question from Barry who’s not quite sure how to apply this powerful concept in his own life…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ m a 23 years old Taiwanese boy who goes to school in Vancouver BC. When I was 16, I met a girl in Taiwan. Pretty soon after we met, I had to leave Taiwan to return to school in Vancouver. We started a long distance relationship. She met another man in LA, and she overlapped me and him for a while. This was very heartbreaking for me, however I had no doubt in my mind about wanting her back. However, last year (after a 6 year relationship) she broke up with me again for the same reasons.

Since I have read The Secret, I understand the Law of Attraction is to focus on what you want, pretend this is really happening, and accept the fact that it is going to happen. After we broke up, I often pictured the scene of her begging me to take her back again, but I understand that you can never change another person with the Law of Attraction. Is it best me to just move on?

Thank you so much for your time.
–Barry

Focus on What You Really Want

Rather than focus on your ex and getting him or her back, focus on what you really want in a relationship and a partner who is good to you and loves you in return.

You need to stop focusing on your ex…

I know that’s hard but you really have to stop and think about the kind of relationship you do want, but not necessarily in terms of your ex or any particular partner. Focus only on your ideal relationship.

Think of a radio. It has many different stations. To tune into a radio station, you dial up a specific frequency on the dial. As soon as we turn our attention to this certain frequency, it begins its journey to us. We start to experience that radio station. If we want to change it, we simply tune into another frequency.

To change something you no longer want in your life, simply tune in to a different vibration (frequency or radio station) — tune into something that you do want! And whatever you do, don’t dwell on what you don’t want – or you’ll keep getting more of it!

Focus on Your ‘Perfect’ Partner

Visualize the perfect partner for you and focus on what you want to experience together. Focus on how a happy relationship makes you feel. What do you do together? How do you feel when you’re together? What does your life look like with this person?

The Law of Attraction is neutral. You are like a living magnet. You get what you think about, whether wanted or unwanted. So only give your thoughts and focus to what you want!

Stop Telling the Universe HOW to Do It’s Job

Don’t tell the Universe, or God, or Spirit, “how” to give you your dreams or to achieve what you want.

Focus instead on what you want and then choose to be happy with or without it (i.e. your ex). You have to let go of control and trust that the Universe, or God, truly wants all of your dreams to come true. If you’re a parent – think about what you want for your children. It’s not misery and suffering. You want your children to be happy and live a wonderful, fulfilling life. That’s what your creator wants for you as well.

When you focus only on this one particular person, its like telling the universe how to do it’s job. When you say that you only want to be happy if it can be with a specific person, you’re telling the universe that if it doesn’t happen with this particular person then ‘I don’t want it!’. What you have to remember is that this specific person has their own wants and desires, and they may not match up with yours.

Be open to whomever comes into your life, under whatever circumstances. Don’t worry about how it’s going to happen. Let go of your ex and the right person will come along for you. You just have to be looking for them and open to meeting them. You can’t do this if you’re still hanging on to your ex.

The Law of Attraction is working in your life right now, whether you are aware of it or not. You are attracting  people, situations, jobs, and much more into your life this very minute. Stop and answer this: what are you thinking about right now?

Focus only on what you want. And give no energy to the things that you do not want.

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