Ask Dan and Jennifer » happy relationships

How Men Can Create Healthy And Happy Relationships

Maryanne Comaroto — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 00:00:40 +0000

Guys, this one’s for you – and ladies, feel free to pass it on to any guy you know in your life who’s on a path toward thinking holistically about love, relationships and family.

Creating A Path For Healthy, Happy Relationships

Much of my work focuses on how women relate to the opposite sex, why they make the decisions that they do, how they can make better decisions, and begin by loving THEMSELVES. While all this is also true for men, of course, it tends to have greater appeal to the gals. However, I’m also interested in how the male mind relates to relationships, and I there are many, many guys out there who are on paths toward fulfilling, honest and healthy relationships. So lately I’ve been tapping into this demographic, in preparation for my next book which will be specifically geared for the men!

In the process of doing so, I’ve asked a lot of questions, talked about a lot of so-called “taboo” subjects, and been impressed and humbled by the honest answers I’ve been given. What I’ve come up with is this: How we approach relationship and sex cannot be separated from our values about children, marriage and family (considering one primary unconscious drive is to procreate). Having stated the obvious, it’s what isn’t so obvious that I would like to help illuminate with my next book, so as a culture we are better equipped to raise healthy, thriving children, rather than continue the cycle of dysfunction we each in our own way struggle to be free of.

What Men Need To Know Before Pursuing A Relationship

What I’ve gathered through this research is a series of questions, a few of which I will list here, that I think it’s important for guys to know the answers to before they seek out their ideal relationship.

So men, it’s your turn to tell your version, your truth, and here are a few questions to help you get started (if you’re so inclined, we would LOVE for you to email your answers – or your story, or both! – to info@maryannelive.com. We read and respond personally to each email and I may feature you in upcoming work!

Do you respect women?
How do you respect them?
At the end of the day, do you feel it’s ultimately a woman’s job to make sure she doesn’t get pregnant?
If someone you have sex with does get pregnant and decides to keep the baby, what responsibility do you have to this child and to the mother?
What do you think a father’s responsibilities are?
What qualities should a woman look for in a man they want to have children with?
Why do you feel we have such an epidemic of “absent“fathers in our culture?
What makes a great father?
What sacrifices are men generally unwilling to make to be a great father?
What will you never give up to be a great husband and father?

As you ponder these questions – and these are only a few of the ones I’ve been asking the men in MY life! – here’s a little feedback from men I’ve worked with who are asking the big questions about how they relate to the opposite sex.

In this video, my husband talks to my first men’s relationship class about why friction is good in a relationship!

You Deserve The Truth…Now!

Maryanne Comaroto — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 23:00:42 +0000

If it seems ridiculous to ask questions like “when do you want to know that the doctor about to operate on you has been drinking?” or “Would you like to spend four years in school only to find out you had been scammed?” – why aren’t we asking the “relationship equivalents” of these questions? These questions are no more ridiculous than some of the things we do – like getting into a relationship with someone who has no tools or relationship skills! Unless you want to find out the person you want to be in a relationship/are about to have sex with is already married, has two children and is never going to leave their family.

Or the person who has just told you they never want to be without you has said the same thing to five other people, or has an STD. Or the person you just moved in with never wants to get married/have children/is completely self-centered/has never had a successful relationship/possesses no skills when it comes to relationships and is not interested in personal growth whatsoever? Exactly when do you want to find these things out?

Happily Ever After?

I have definitely been a victim of low self-esteem and a believer in Happily Ever After (that is, believing with some “luck” I would fall into the right relationship), but eventually this thinking and belief system caught up with me. My relationship patterns were clear to everyone but me; I only knew I was unhappy, had tried everything I knew to make my relationships work (the focus of my life) by being more accommodating, prettier, sexier, indifferent, hard to get, or aggressive. Eventually, out of frustration, I actually started not to care at all. After my own very spectacular awakening to the “truth” of the way things are – I got down on my knees and prayed to whatever God, anything that would listen, this prayer:

Please show me the way!

It may seemed dramatic but this is how it happened for me – and I know (from speaking with many people) that I am not alone: relationship-or lack of it, really-brought me to my knees. My heart was broken (more than once) and fragile, and I was soul-sick and lost, despite all appearances. I didn’t know what was wrong or what to do, so I surrendered and prayed. That very day my life changed dramatically, forever. It was the end of suffering as I knew it. Someone or something outside myself would never again dictate my fate or happiness.

I have never suffered since!

Having An Open Heart

I feel deeply, of course, my heart is open. And I have still encountered heartache and pain. But that is FAR different from the suffering I was experiencing. My method allows me a daily opportunity to practice being internally referenced, to reach for the tools I have over these years turned into skills that have served me well. With vigilance and passion I cling to the truth of these teachings I was given, as I know the quality of my well-being and life depends on them! Along the way I have been given the privilege and honor of sharing these profound tools and truths with you.

If you love and care about yourself, and believe every moment of your life is precious, you will not consider wasting one moment hoping to find out, some day or down the road the answer to any such critical relationship questions! And that sooner, rather than later. I am going to assume you are interested, as I have been these many years working in the personal development industry, in what it takes to create success anywhere in life.

Creating Success

I have come to find these key ingredients to success: Know who you are and what you want, have a solid plan, acquire the necessary tools and turn them into skills. Cultivating adequate discipline, desire and commitment is also necessary to turn your heart’s desires, the relationship of your dreams, into reality! Only you hardly, if ever, hear that! Most of us learn or observe this relationship scenario: you meet someone, you fall in love (i.e. your heart races, knees go weak, can’t stop thinking of the person) and you live happily ever after.

Well in REAL life, (as opposed to reel life) this usually amounts to disappointment, loss, pain and shutting down our hearts after we repeat this pattern a few times: Look at marriage statistics and the rise in people living single lives. Not having a plan or skills is an increasingly poor choice of a way to attract and create a healthy, fulfilling, sustainable relationship.

The Top 10 Relationship Success Secrets That Everyone Ought to Know

Lisa Brookes Kift — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 19:33:05 +0000

As a couple’s therapist, I’ve seen a myriad of relationships styles.

People who come in for counseling are clearly looking to change something they see problematic in their partnership. The problems range from the relatively benign tweaks in communication to serious pain and trust violations due to infidelity and all sorts of issues in between.

Filtering through all of this, I’ve identified ten characteristics of successful relationships. These qualities are integral parts of a healthy relationship foundation and I believe increase the chances of weathering the storms that life inevitably dishes out.

The Top 10 Characteristics of Successful Relationships

The ten characteristics are as follows and are in no particular order:

1. Friendship

Couples who have a strong friendship have staying power. They not only love each other but genuinely like each other as people. They enjoy hanging out together. They might even consider each other their “best friend.”

2. Humor

Partners who can make each other laugh tend to be good at de-escalating conflicts when they do arise. It’s the great mood lightener. I’ve noticed the use of funny nicknames can be an indicator of great fondness for one another. The names often stem from a “you had to be there” moment from the beginning of their relationship.

3. Communication

As obvious as this may seem, many couples are not very good at it. Those who are able to openly express their feelings in an emotionally safe environment typically deal with situations as they come up and avoid burying frustrations which always have a way of coming out at some point.

4. Chore Sharing

Those who divvy up the household or parenting responsibilities in a way that is mutually agreed upon way are less likely to hold resentments about what they perceive as “unfair.” Each participates (albeit maybe begrudgingly) and both contribute to the relationship in this way.

5. Sexual Intimacy

…