Ask Dan and Jennifer » happy sex life

Getting Her To Give You Oral Sex More Often (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 15:32:50 +0000

Many people love receiving oral. In fact, most people do. Whether you’re a guy or a gal, receiving oral sex can be extremely pleasurable.

However, giving oral sex might not be as fun. Some people don’t like to give oral sex at all, or they seldom give it because it makes them uncomfortable.

If you want oral sex to become a regular part of your routine, how can you get your partner to give more oral?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I’m 18 and my girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for over a year and are very happy together; but, I don’t think she gives me oral often enough – like once in the past few months.

I talk to my friends and it seems like i’m the only one not getting it. I’ve spoken to her about it and asked why, but she just said "Do any girls really like doing it?" and sort of didn’t talk any more about it and i didn’t want to ask again since in case she thinks i’m nagging.

I think that if i ask the right way then she will but i’d hate to say "suck me off" or "gimmie a BJ" as I treat her with much more respect than that. Any ideas what i could say… or do to change her mind?

– Adam, UK

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The Taste And Smell of Oral Sex

The biggest complaint from oral sex givers is that both male and female genitals have their own taste and smell. Sometimes the smell or taste more strongly than other times, but this is something that is completely natural. However, a strong taste and smell might be off putting for someone who is giving oral sex.

You can make sure your partner is enjoying giving you oral sex as much as possible by making sure you’re clean and trimmed. Take a shower right before oral sex if you need to!Although genitals’ natural smell is perfectly normal, if you’ve been outside mowing the lawn all day, it might be a little strong for someone to consider going down on you.

You can also improve the taste of your genitals through what you eat. Naturally sweet foods, such as strawberries and pineapples, make semen and vaginal secretions taste sweeter, so giving oral sex is more pleasurable…

What ME a Sex Addict?

Melody Brooke — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 13:09:49 +0000

Only a few of us think that the way we participate in sexual activity is addictive, but often the beginnings of sexual addictions show up in covert ways that we may miss if we are not attentive.

I just spent three days at a symposium on addiction and the speakers there reminded me of just how ubiquitous sexual additions are in our society.

Most of the time I tend to think of men as the ones harboring secret sexual addictions but, of course, women are just as subject to sexual addictions as men. We really are not that different, are we?

The Truth About Sexual Addiction

Strangely, most sexual addictions have little to do with sex, other than the fact that the behaviors take place in the context of sexuality. Exhibitionism is really about wanting to feel the power of having shocked someone. Pornography is about fantasy.

Most of the others, like sadomasochistic fetishes are all about regaining a sense of power and control. Strangely enough, even the avoidance of sex can be a “addictive” behavior according to Maureen Canning of the Meadows Treatment Center.

As a wife who avoided sex over the course of many years of my previous marriages, this one got my attention. I was, as many women are, quite able to enjoy a courtship and “honeymoon” phase of an active and athletic sex life during the beginning phases of my relationships.

But, as the relationship moved out of the fantasy stage and into the reality of a real, day to day set of interactions, sex disappeared. It didn’t disappear because my husband wasn’t interested. No, it disappeared because I became angry and disgusted with his continuing to be happy with sex as the lifeblood of our relationship.

Once we were married I think I expected our relationship to magically blossom into a real intimate connection. Never mind that I had no clue how to do that. But I was certain it was my husband’s fault because HE was such an angry, avoidant, workaholic.

Certainly I was the innocent victim of his deliberate withholding of time, attention and kindness. So, I withheld sexual contact from him because I was so angry with him. I never thought of it as being addictive behavior.

But if you re-frame how you think about what addiction is, you can easily see how it really is an addictive process. As Maureen Canning says, most sexual addiction is really about power and control.

I was clearly attempting to get a sense of power in the relationship by moving into the Self-Protective withdrawal position. I put up barriers to prevent myself from feeling vulnerable to his angry, avoidant behaviors. I did this in an attempt to get power and control over feeling like his Victim…

Not Having Enough Sex? Here’s The Secret To Increasing Her Sex Drive

Cynthia Perkins — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 14:27:02 +0000

One of the most common points of conflict for couples in a long-term relationship is the loss of sexual desire for the woman.

The loss of sex drive for women may occur for a variety of reasons, some of which may be physiological, but putting all those aside for another conversation, it may surprise you to learn that what I hear from many of the women I work with in my practice is that one of the primary causes for loss of desire is unmet needs.

As they tell me their story, they are not usually aware it’s their unmet needs that is the culprit of their dilemma, but it is what we uncover as we explore their situation further.

Why Women Lose Their Sex Drive

A great deal of women lose their sex drive for one very simple reason she is not enjoying the sex. When sex is not pleasurable for the woman, she responds by withdrawing and shutting down sexually. Think about it, would you want to have sex if it weren’t satisfying?

Sex is not enjoyable for many women, because not only are her sexual needs not being met adequately, but neither are her emotional needs and for the woman, both are equally important.

Why aren’t these needs being met, you ask? Because many men and women alike don’t truly understand what it is a woman needs.

A lot of couples are not aware that the sexual needs and biological responses of men and women are quite different and it is essential that they understand these crucial differences to have a sexual relationship that is equally satisfying for both partners.

Increase Her Sex Drive by Increasing Her Pleasure

Solving her sex drive problem should be a joint effort. It should not rest on his or her shoulders alone. However, if you’re a man reading this page I’d like to make you aware that there is a simple solution to keeping her sexual desires alive that is totally within your control. Take matters into your own hands and make sex irresistible for her.

Dazzle her by focusing on her needs. Blow her mind by getting to know her body better than she does. Help her expand her horizons to places she’s never gone before and you’ll be viewed as an amazing lover that she deeply appreciates. Once she sees how enjoyable sex can be, she’ll become more willing to explore and be adventurous.

She doesn’t know what she’s missing, but once she discovers it with you, she’ll be grateful that you took her on the journey and this will strengthen her bond with you. Coach and encourage her to express her needs to you and show you what is pleasurable for her.

Deepening The Connection

Fill her emotional needs by deepening your connection with her. Make her feel special, appreciated, valued and important outside the bedroom as well as inside. Shower her with affection and give her adequate foreplay,

When sex is more satisfying for her, it benefits the man as well. She’s going to be more willing and even eager to give you pleasure in the way you desire, such as more oral sex. She’ll be willing to have sex more often and you may find that she’ll even be the one initiating it.

Phrases like "I have a headache," or "I’m too tired," will no longer be part of her vocabulary. Your sexual adventures will be more satisfying for both of you. When you share a strong sexual bond that is mutually satisfying, it keeps your sex life fresh and exciting, prevents your love from eroding or diminishing and you develop a stronger and more fulfilling relationship all around.

Discover The One Powerful Skill That Will Turn You Into an Exceptional Lover

Paul Tony — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 13:33:40 +0000

A true master in the art of making love knows that every woman has different wants and needs. Therefore, a lover a can only really become a masterful lover to the one woman he takes the time to learn.

A masterful lover realizes that each woman will have specific tastes in the bedroom. While one woman might like her man to be rough, another might prefer her man to take the more gentle approach.

The Sexual Uniqueness of Men and Women

Yes, like men, every woman will have the same basic likes and dislikes, but that is only on the surface. Think about it, while most of us like the taste of fruit, some of us prefer an orange over a banana.

This is what makes every man and woman unique. It is this uniqueness that a masterful lover will try to discover and appreciate in his partner, thus will take the necessary time needed in order to truly know what turns his woman on.

No matter what techniques you learn, none of them will really matter if you have no idea what your woman’s true desires are. Therefore, if you want to become an exceptional lover in your woman’s eyes, it is important that you learn one very important skill;

The Art of Paying Attention To Her

In order to master the “art of paying attention”, you need to learn to listen to every moan and groan your woman makes while you are making love with her. Now there is a difference between listening and really listening. I am talking about the type of listening that is able to interpret each moan and groan your woman makes.

You have to find out if a certain groan means that she likes what you are doing, or if it means that you should stop what you are doing. This takes time, concentration, and patience.

In order to successfully interpret every noise that your woman makes, you also need to learn to pay attention to every movement she makes during sex. Is she squirming her pelvis during a cunnilingus session because she is enjoying what you are doing, or is it because she is signaling you to stop as she is feeling uncomfortable with the type of stimulation you are applying?

By paying attention to both her movements and noises, you will soon be able to get an accurate interpretation what she is feeling, and what she would really like you to do to her.

…

Men, Do You Know the 3 Reasons She’s Unhappy With Your Sex Life?

Cynthia Perkins — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 19:01:13 +0000

Many women are not having a sex life that is as satisfying as they would like it to be, because their sexual needs are not being met adequately in their relationship.

There are three main reasons that this occurs that both men and women should be aware of that will enable them to help her find more pleasurable sexual experiences.

1. She doesn’t know what those needs are

Sometimes women don’t really understand their own body and how it works. They don’t know what it is that will arouse them or bring them to orgasm.

They may have been brought up to believe it is shameful to explore their body and find out what is pleasurable for them or they don’t understand the necessity. Since she doesn’t know what her sexual needs are, she can’t communicate them to her lover or take the necessary steps to get them met herself.

She knows something is wrong in her sexual adventures, but can’t put her finger on it.

2. He has learned from the wrong sources.

Don’t believe what you hear in the locker room or the standard porn movies. Most men learn about sex from porn movies or from their buddies who are sharing misinformation they learned in porn movies. Traditional skin flicks do not portray realistic situations between people who care about one another.

First of all these types of adult movies are designed for the pleasure of men, not women. So most everything you’re seeing comes from the man’s point of view and what he fantasizes about, not the woman’s.

Contrary to what they teach, having a big penis and thrusting like an Olympic gold medalist is not going to make your woman squeal with multiple orgasms. It’s not likely to bring her to even one orgasm. Additionally, although a woman may allow her man to indulge once in a while, most women do not get off by having semen squirted all over their face.

If you watch standard porn movies, such as Debbie Does Dallas, you need to be aware that what you are watching is for entertainment purposes only. It is not the way things are in reality.

Not only do they portray inaccurate information for pleasuring a woman, but they also cause men to feel inadequate and wonder what’s wrong with them. You need to keep in mind that men in these movies are selectively chosen and are at the extreme end of the male spectrum.

Most men do not have a penis this size and most men do not have this kind of stamina and that is not what a woman is looking for.

In order to learn what a woman really enjoys sexually and have movies that simulate a realistic couple, you need to pick adult videos that were designed for that purpose. Movies made by someone like Candida Royalle are made specifically to be woman and couple friendly.

Additionally you should pick up videos and books that were made by sex experts for the purpose of education. Unfortunately, in our society, no one ever teaches any of us about sex. Most of us learn by trial and error.

With the help of a few high quality instructional videos and books, couples can dispel many sexual myths that may be preventing them from achieving the sexual satisfaction they desire and develop skills that enable them to meet their needs more effectively and become better lovers. Adult sexual education is a powerful tool for both men and women…