For Ladies Only: Can’t Reach Orgasm? Here’s A Secret…

Jessica Perez, author Faster Female Orgasm — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 19:00:35 +0000

It’s estimated that about 10% of women have never experienced the joys of reaching a climax. And it doesn’t matter what type of ‘lovemaking’ they engage in. Whether it’s with a partner or via masturbation, some women simply cannot seem to find the road to the Big O.

This has led countless women to seek sex counseling and in my practice, I’ve had the opportunity to share what some ’secrets’ that have helped countless women get out of that 10% statistic.

The secret is actually all about tension and relaxation. It may sound like an oxymoron now but read on below to know more!

The Road To Climax Tip #1: Tense Those Muscles

On one hand, you can’t help but tense up during intercourse right? After all, all that stimulation gets the blood flowing, which in turn heightens sexual arousal. The problem is some women tend to relax the muscles or tissues that contract while making love. Why?

For one, some women tend to be passive in bed. But let me assure you the days of ‘lying there and receiving it’ are over. If you want an orgasm, you better get up there and participate! And yes, tense your muscles while you’re at it.

For example, while in the woman on top position, squeeze your pubococcygeus muscles (PC muscles). These are the same muscles you use when you try to stop the flow of your pee. By contracting these muscles, not only are you giving your man pleasure by gripping his penis, you are also increasing the friction between your genitals, thereby increasing sexual pleasure (which is supposed to push to you a wonderful climax).

The Road To Climax Tip #2: Relax Your Mind

The relaxation part comes in the form of letting go of your thoughts. We women can be so BUSY up there! Seriously, do you really have to make a mental note that you need to pick up something from the dry cleaners tomorrow while riding him now?!?

So free your mind, relax, and just let the erotic pleasures that sex bring you wash over you.

If relaxing is hard for you, take cue from the silent radio technique that’s employed a lot in area where people have to fall in line. Notice that electronic billboard that shows snippets of news from left to right? It draws your attention to it doesn’t it?

So, next time you make love, plaster that electronic billboard in your mind with sentences like “omg… his penis is REALLY hitting it now!” or “here it comes, here it comes, here it comes!”. By focusing your thoughts on the pleasures that are ravaging over your body, you’ll hopefully be able to finally experience a climax.

Rmember, to reach the Big O, tense your muscles but relax your mind. Doesn’t sound like an oxymoron at all, does it?

Take just a minute to check out ‘Faster Female Orgasm’: “How To Reach Orgasm During Intercourse In Just 5 Minutes (Or Less)”

5 Little Known Female Orgasm Secrets

Lee Jenkins, author Female Orgasm Black Book — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 17:09:58 +0000

The biggest mistake when it comes to “giving women orgasms” is focus on the “how-to” techniques without paying proper attention to the best mind-set and strategies to make her climax.

In reality, the strategies are the key to unlocking the power of the techniques.

You’ll understand that while the techniques by itself can be effective, the mind-numbing, noisy, wet, toe-curling orgasms lies largely in the strategy you use when applying the techniques.

Mindset

Your state of mind (and your partners’) can really make or break the chances of her having an orgasm.

The Wrong Mindset

How do you approach your lover’s orgasms?

You probably enter into sex with the mindset and goal of “giving an orgasm.”

It’s this approach that leads too many guys on a wild goose chase for the “perfect” strokes and techniques. It leaves you blindly seeking out every tip and trick out there, furiously testing them out on your lover.

I hate to break it to you, but this is the wrong mindset if you truly want to “give” an orgasm.

It sounds contradictory, I know. But it’s true, and here’s why…

When you head into the bedroom with the goal of “giving” her an orgasm, you’re setting up expectations in both of your minds. This approach will create pressure on both you and your partner that an orgasm MUST happen. Once you add pressure to have an orgasm, it is virtually guaranteed to add some negative stress and anxiety during your intimate times together.

And…as this stress grows, it will actually make it much harder for her to cum.

Have you ever seen a football or basketball player “choke up” during a game?

The fans, the crowds, the competition build up so much pressure for the athlete to perform well that their focus is diverted from the game and to their anxieties.

Ultimately, they wind up screwing up. Too much focus and drive on your part to “give” an orgasm can have the same effect on your partner.

Effects of Stress on Your Partner

If the stress and pressure get too high, she may be left unsatisfied. And because you have set this “goal” to have an orgasm in a first place, and now that the goal is un-met, both you and your partner will be left feeling disappointed.

If this approach is sustained, you may wind up anchoring these feelings of disappointment to your times of physical intimacy – carrying it over into your next sexual encounter, further increasing her “performance anxiety.”

The Right Mindset

Here’s the paradox…

If you want to give an orgasm, you have to NOT focus on the orgasm!

Instead of focusing on the goal of achieving an orgasm, start focusing your attention on the pleasure of the process.

The key is, if you focus on giving pleasure, and making sure she’s feeling good, that orgasm will come (no pun intended.)

Communication

Not every technique will work on every woman. One woman may prefer one particular stroke or rhythm more than the next woman does.

To find out what really makes your woman tick, you’ve got to open the lines of communication. You need to find out what she likes as you’re applying a technique. That way, you can optimize your rhythm, speed, stroke etc. to match what she likes best.

Aim for open verbal communication, but if your lover isn’t as brave speaking her mind (especially when you’re face is buried between her thighs) you can opt for more non-verbal communicative methods, such as squeezing hands or body response.

Communicating well with your partner can make it much easier to bring her pleasure, and ultimately, more and better orgasms.

Escalation

One of the biggest mistake men make is moving too fast, too soon. It works fine for us, but for a woman, she might not be ready yet.

For guys, we can come to an orgasm very quickly. Men basically need to get aroused, stimulated, and we’re done.

Women, on the other hand, need a gradual escalation to come to a point of orgasm.

With each of the stages of sexual response (you’ll find out about this in an upcoming chapter), the intensity of the stimulation is increased.

Anticipation and Tension

Anticipation (otherwise known as “teasing” and “excitement”) is a powerful and effective tool to use.

In order to multiply the effects of your sexual techniques, you’ll have to add anticipation into the mix.

Anticipation will get her more aroused, give her a greater chance to have an orgasm and focuses her mind on the physical pleasure she’s experiencing.

And…while you’re building up anticipation, at the same time you’re cranking up sexual tension as well.

The sexual tension will have to be released (in the form of an orgasm).

The Key to Building Anticipation

The key to building up anticipation is to focus on the areas surround the main “target” before you actually hit the target.

For example, you can do this by rubbing her inner thighs, buttocks and hips before actually touching her vagina. While you’re rubbing those body parts, she’s getting wetter and wetter by the second, anticipating you to finally move onto her vagina. At the same time, the tension is growing within her and at some point, it’ll have to be released.

A note: when you’re building up the anticipation in her, it’s going to build up in you as well! It’s going to be your job to maintain self control, and keep the escalation at the right pace.

Relaxation

A woman has to be completely relaxed to have an orgasm.

If she has her mind on her job, self-conscious about how her body looks, trying to have an orgasm, or whatever the case may be, she’s not going to be relaxed. She’ll be tensed, and her body won’t allow her to release an orgasm.

Your job?

To help those troubles melt away and disappear (even if only temporarily) with your words, touch, attitude and preparations. Your lover must be totally and completely relaxed and free from tension.

The only tension she should be feeling is sexual tension!

Give Before You Receive

Before receiving any sexual pleasure from her, you have to make sure she receives sexual pleasure from you first.

Why?

It shows that:

1) You have control of your sexual desires

2) She’ll be in a more “ready” state to have an orgasm while having intercourse, and

3) After she has an orgasm, she’ll be ready and willing to reciprocate to the best of her abilities!

Seriously, if you can compare the quality of the blow job she gives you, the one performed without her experiencing an orgasm FIRST, will, ironically, SUCK compared to the blow job she gives you after she RECEIVES an orgasm.

Sex goes the same too…

Go ahead and test this out for yourself if you don’t believe me!

Take just a minute to check out ‘The Female Orgasm Black Book’: “How To Give Her Mind Numbing, Leg Shaking Orgasms”

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