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How To Last Longer In Bed Just By Breathing

Edward White, author The Orgasm And Ejaculation Control Guide — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 13:21:09 +0000

When tackling the problem of premature ejaculation, it’s easy for a guy to only think about sex from a male point of view because, after all, coming too soon is a male problem.

But this is a mistake. When you think about it, there are certain key similarities (and differences) between the sexes that, when understood, can help you extend your sexual performance.

The Similarities

Both sexes have that feeling that sexual stimulation and sensation are building in their ‘private regions’. They both get that sudden feeling about five seconds before they come when they know it’s going to happen. Those a few of the similarities.

The Differences

But there’s also a key difference between the male and female orgasms which is worth taking note of. It concerns breathing or not breathing during the minute or so before the orgasm could technically take place.

If a woman unconsciously holds her breath for the minute or so before she could potentially come, it will tend to delay her orgasm. In other words, make it harder for her to come.

However, if a man holds his breath for the minute or so before he could come, it will tend to make him come faster. God knows why this is the case, but it is.

So when you are having sex and want to delay when you come, you should always focus on doing the following:

Breathe slowly and in a regular fashion. Don’t take random breaths only when you need them.

Breathe deeply, focusing on your lower chest and belly. Expanding your belly as you breathe helps you take in more air, which relaxes you and keeps you calm.

NEVER hold your breathe. Just don’t do it. It tenses you up and puts you on edge, making you much more likely to come too soon.

By breathing deeply and regularly in the way described above, you’ll be able to reduce anxiety and increase your ability to always be totally aware of the sensations you’re feeling in and around your penis.

The natural result? A longer, more pleasurable sexual experience for you and your partner.

Take just a minute to check out ‘The Ultimate Orgasm And Ejaculation Control Guide’: “How To Make Sex Last 32 Minutes Longer In Bed Tonight, Without Simply Increasing Foreplay Duration”

How To Use The REAL Distraction Principle To Boost Your Sexual Stamina

Edward White, author The Orgasm And Ejaculation Control Guide — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 14:24:09 +0000

‘Premature ejaculation’ is a well known term. And every guy that’s heard of it has his own theory on the best way to deal with it. One of the most common is often referred to as the distraction technique.

What is the Distraction Technique?

It goes like this. While having sex, the guy who doesn’t want to come too soon thinks of mind-numbing concepts or completely non-sexual imagery. For example, he’ll count back from 1000 or picture a deer getting hit by a car. Whatever it is, he’ll make sure it is a complete turn-off.

He’ll do this in an attempt to take himself out of the moment and therefore distance himself from the sexual stimulation he is receiving all in an effort to extend his sexual performance. But you have to ask yourself: is having sex for a long time worth it if you’ve got to totally separate your mind from it?

Of course not! This distraction principle is a bad way to handle the problem of rapid ejaculation. Instead, you should use the REAL distraction principle, which goes like this.

The REAL Distraction Principle

Great sex isn’t just about penetration. Any man that thinks different is in for a nasty surprise. Mutually pleasurable, great sex is a combination of teasing, foreplay and penetration, amongst other things.

The point here is that sex should be varied. This is not only good from a pleasure point of view, but also from a premature ejaculation point of view. By periodically altering what you and your partner do to and with each other during sex, you can keep your stimulation levels under control and thereby delay your climax from happening until you want it to.

The reason this is called the real distraction technique is because you are effectively distracting you and your partner’s attention away from the fact that you aren’t having penetrative sex and onto the fact that you are doing something different yet equally pleasurable, like massaging each other, performing oral and manual stimulation, engaging in dirty talk, kissing and licking each other, etc.

What you should do is alternate between a minute or two of penetration (or however long you can currently last without your stimulation levels soaring too high) and some other, non-penetrative activity, like giving her head or kissing up and down her body.

Why Women Love It

As well as your partner loving the variation of your sexual encounter, you’ll also love the fact that your stimulation levels are always under control, because whenever they get too high, you can simply switch to doing something else for a minute or so. It’s a simple, but devastatingly effective technique.

In fact, most women who experience this kind of varied sexual experience prefer it over having sex with a guy who doesn’t have premature ejaculation but who can have penetrative sex for as long as he wants.

Take just a minute to check out ‘The Ultimate Orgasm And Ejaculation Control Guide’: “How To Make Sex Last 32 Minutes Longer In Bed Tonight, Without Simply Increasing Foreplay Duration”

How Keeping A Journal Can Reveal If Your Lover Is Cheating

Jim Walthby — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 13:05:32 +0000

Our minds aren’t perfect at remembering special details and specific facts. Far from it.

Our brains work selectively; they store and recall certain bits of information while forgetting others.

For example, you might remember, for whatever reason, a phone number that has little or no importance to you, but forget the birthday of someone you really should buy a present for.

For the most part, this selective/subjective memory trait creates no real problems in our day to day lives. We can look up a number if we forget it, or ask a friend of a friend for the day of the month on which someone’s birthday falls.

When Selective Memory Is A Problem

However, sometimes it can make things slightly trickier. One such time is when we suspect our partner may be cheating on us. Imagine you walk into the room just as your partner is putting down the phone and they seem a little on edge or tense as they turn around and see you.

The incident may stick out in your mind for weeks, niggling at you, making you wonder: did it mean something, was it a sign? Fast forward to a different occasion, when your partner returns home from a business meeting or other engagement late and immediately jumps in the shower, even before properly saying ‘hi’ to you.

You might rationalize their behavior by thinking: “Well, they were probably tired or something. They surely just felt like refreshing themselves with a shower,” then forget all about it.

You might be 100% right, but that’s not really the point. The strange phone incident and the unusual dash to the bathroom on returning home could both have happened because your partner is cheating on you, and conversely they both could be wholly innocent and not caused by infidelity.

The point here is, remembering one incident over the other and thus giving it more weight or meaning than the other in your mind could potentially make it much more difficult to ascertain what is or isn’t going on, whether they’re trustworthy or not.

So, to combat the human tendency to selectively remember and therefore consider some incidents more than others, and therefore improve your chances of revealing the truth, you should keep an objective, non-selective record of everything that happens. Here’s how it works:

Keep A Journal

Use a journal or diary, not a digital method of recording events, changes in behavior/habits/moods, etc. Noting things in your own handwriting allows each piece of information recorded to be absorbed more deeply and permanently by your mind than if you type them out quickly on a computer.

Also, paper records (a diary, journal, etc.) are usually more portable than laptops, PC’s, etc., which could come in handy if/when you spot a potential sign of infidelity away from home.

Be Objective

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Want to Last Longer in Bed? Try This…

Edward White, author The Orgasm And Ejaculation Control Guide — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 13:00:54 +0000

Do you want to last longer in bed but have no idea how? Think of sex like a running a race.

I’d like you to imagine you’re an athlete whose specialty is running the 1000 meter race. Your goal is to run or jog around the 1000 meter track in the shortest amount of time possible. Simple enough, you’d think. Just run as fast as you can.

But that’s not how it works. If you were to sprint at your maximum speed as soon as the starting gun sounded, you’d soon be so drained that finishing off the rest of the 1000 m would be impossible. The real way to do the run is to pace yourself and be acutely aware of how tired you are and how strained your body is getting at each point in the race.

By having this heightened awareness of what’s going on in your body, you are able to configure your speed to an extremely fine degree, optimizing it as you go. Now, the subject of this article is not how to run well. It is, as the title suggests, how to last longer in bed.

Running the Race is Like Having Sex

The reason I just described the running of a race is because the same principle applies to when you have sex. If you aren’t absolutely aware of the sensations in your body, you will find it impossible to configure your performance and make it last longer. Here’s how to develop this awareness.

Set aside half an hour when you know you can relax, undisturbed.
Arouse yourself until you are erect using whatever method works for you.
Now start to masturbate at a medium speed. As soon as you start, pay attention to where on your penis you are feeling the sensations of pleasure.
Begin to pick up speed and increase grip strength. Focus on how the sensations of pleasure change, both in their location and their intensity.
Spend about five minutes varying the speed and technique you use. During this time, pay close attention to the feelings you’re experiencing. You should notice that, as you continue to masturbate, there will be a growing sense of pleasure in the head of your penis and down at the base, on the topside. Feel how this begins to increase and become more noticeable as you continue.
Now get the point of almost climaxing and try to detect exactly how it feels. Notice every wave of pleasure, where it starts, how long it lasts…every little detail.
Keep on the edge of coming for as long as it takes to experience all of the changes in sensation and stimulation you can. Then come and see how the feelings subside.

Building Understanding and Awareness

This kind of experiment builds your understanding and awareness of what the sensations in your penis are as you get aroused and how they change as you get closer to your climax.

This is crucial knowledge when attempting to improve your sexual stamina, because when you have sex, you will know what every little feeling in your penis means at any given time in regards to how close to coming you are.

You’re then free to slow down, speed up, change positions, or do whatever is right to avoid climaxing too early and continue having sex with your partner.

Take just a minute to check out ‘The Ultimate Orgasm And Ejaculation Control Guide’: “How To Make Sex Last 32 Minutes Longer In Bed Tonight, Without Simply Increasing Foreplay Duration”

Should You Stay In A Sexless Marriage? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 19:21:41 +0000

Many marriages go through tough, rocky times. Whether you’re emotionally distant with your partner or you’ve physically stopped being intimate, going through difficult times with your partner can be frustrating and hurtful.

If you and your partner have stopped having sex, whether you’re emotionally distant or not, should you stay in a sexless marriage for the sake of staying in the marriage?

Wait! Give this Video 5 Stars and Subscribe Today so you don’t miss a single video.

Staying Together For The Kids

Many married couples believe that it’s better to be unhappy in a marriage and stay together if they have children. They believe that raising their children in a traditional, nuclear family is the best way to go, whether they’re happy as a couple or not.

Many couples will simply grow apart but continue to stay married and live together for the sake of the children? Is this the best idea? Probably not. Married couples that are unhappy, fighting and emotionally divorced have just as much effect on children as physically divorced couples.

No matter what you decide to do, it’s going to have an effect on your children. In fact, it probably already has up to this point. Your biggest decision now is how to proceed. What will impact the children in the most positive way?

If you and your partner are constantly fighting or are so emotionally distant that it appears to your children that you can’t stand each other, there’s really no compelling reason to stay married. Your children will most likely be better off if you’re divorced, spending equal time with happier and more confident parents, even if you are apart.

Why Is The Marriage Sexless?

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Discover How The Foods You Eat Affect Your Performance In Bed!

Edward White, author The Orgasm And Ejaculation Control Guide — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 13:09:22 +0000

What you eat at the dinner table has a massive effect on how well you perform in the sack, and that’s a fact.

The length of your performance, the quality of your sexual technique and even the strength and reliability of your erections are all, to some degree or another, controlled by the foods you eat on a daily basis.

I know that’s a bold statement. But think of the relationship between your food and your sexual performance like the fuel used by your car.

Put the wrong type of gas in and, if you’re lucky, you’ll just about splutter a few feet, for a few seconds.

Eat the wrong foods and your sexual performance will be similarly impacted: you’ll conk out sooner and generally perform more poorly than if you were eating the best things, most of the time.

Okay, the question’s been posed: What can you eat to boost your sexual prowess? And how can the foods you consume improve your ability to put in, time and time again, a powerful and multi-orgasmic sexual performance for you and the woman you’re with?

First on the menu: Sexual Super-foods.

Sexual super-foods are the absolute best things you can eat to help you out in the bedroom, because they contain chemicals, fibers and vitamins that are all suited to boosting and improving your body in relation to love-making.

There are 7 different sexual super-foods, each containing a different selection of natural ingredients and therefore each targeting different areas of sexual skill. I’m going to tell you about one of them right now.

The blueberry is a sexual super-food often referred to as ‘nature’s little blue pill’ because of its remarkable similarities to the wonder drug ‘Viagra’. However, unlike ‘Viagra’, blueberries are cheap, readily available and able to be consumed in bulk!

The beauty of blueberries in regards to maximizing your sexual ability lies in what they contain. Firstly, they’re loaded with soluble fiber, which helps push excess cholesterol through your digestive system before it can be broken down, absorbed and deposited in your arteries.

They’re also packed with compounds that help relax your blood vessels and improve circulation throughout your body. The benefit of lower cholesterol and improved blood flow is more blood to you penis during sex and firmer erections as you get older. To harness the powers of this sexual super-food, which include stronger, longer lasting erections, pop a handful of blueberries into a fruit smoothie a couple of times a week.

Next on the menu: General nutrition and Health.

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Multiple Orgasms – Did You Know That It IS Possible For Men Too?

Carla Tara — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 13:15:36 +0000

Tantra is such a vast subject that it’s fascinating and awe-inspiring. It includes so much that it can be very confusing to the beginning student. Tantra is an art, a science, a way of life that is honest and courageous. It includes and faces squarely our sexual energy, this awesome force that some religions fear and want to suppress.

It can be used to help us reach our highest potential of pleasure, and union with the divine. To achieve this, it offers a series of exercises in breathing, tone vibrations, the use of certain muscles, and concentration on certain symbols representing the energy centers of the body.

One of the techniques it teaches allows men to have an orgasm without ejaculating, which makes it possible for him to come again and again.

How is This Possible?

Well, by using tantric principles, such as breathing, visualizing, and squeezing the love muscles to draw sexual energy from the sex organs up the spine to the back of the brain, a man can learn to ride the waves of orgasm and start coasting along the crest of those waves like a skilled surfer.

He can go down in the valley of the wave and enjoy playing more safely in a sweet and intensive romantic/spiritual space, absorbing the benefits resulting from the heightened pleasure he just achieved. He feels as if he’s buzzing with energy, more open and tender toward his partner and himself.

They can look into each other’s eyes, exchange gentle caresses, or simply breathe together to expand the state of bliss. All this can be done without the man losing the precious life-force contained in his semen.

Then the couple can proceed to make love actively, and reach several peaks in one love session. After having reached several peaks and experienced several body orgasms, the man can choose to have an ejaculatory orgasm if desired.

Controlling Ejaculation

How quickly a man can learn to control his ejaculation response depends on how much he practices, and the attitude he practices with. It’s almost a paradox: The more patient and loving you are with yourself, the less in a hurry to achieve quick results, the faster you’ll learn.

That’s because relaxation is the key, and you can’t be relaxed if you’re very goal-oriented. When you’re goal-oriented, you’re tense and usually judgmental. Ideas like, "I don’t know if I’ll ever learn this stuff…..Perhaps it’s not for me….I’m wasting my time…." or similar discouraging thoughts will retard the process of learning.

Be Positive and Loving

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4 Secrets Guaranteed To Spice Up Your Sex Life

W. Wilcox — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 18:40:42 +0000

Sex is a healthy, fundamental component of all good relationships. It unites men and women everywhere, both physically and emotionally and allows both the guy and the girl to truly unleash and express their animalistic AND sensual sides.

But no one’s sex life is perfect. Things slow down, the energy seems to disappear, it’s not as fun or exciting as either of you would like, in short, it needs improving.

So what can you do to get back (or even create for the first time) that special spark that makes great sex so…well, great? Here are 4 top tips.

1. Play Games

The thing that often grinds sex lives to a halt and makes lovemaking become so much of a hassle is the pressure and responsibility that surrounds the whole subject.

For the man, there’s the burden of having to make the girl reach her own climax. For the woman, there’s the strain of making sure her man is sexually satisfied and not bored and liable to go looking elsewhere for sex or questioning the stability and longevity of the relationship they’re both in.

To counteract these negative pressures, try making having sex a less traditional, scheduled, boring task. Instead, pick a couple of fun games that you can play together that are fun and flirty and that can lead casually and smoothly into the actual sex.

Twister, strip poker and spin-the-bottle are all great games that incorporate physical contact and allow both you and your partner to have a little no-hassle, no-responsibility fun that does or doesn’t have to lead to a bout of impromptu lovemaking.

2. New Locations, New Positions

People often have a very 2-dimensional outlook on the nature of sex and how one should go about having it. The vast, vast majority of people, for example, only have sex in the bedroom.

And even they have a set routine, lights dimmed or off, the same progression through the various stages of sex: a little foreplay, intercourse in missionary and maybe doggy if the guy’s lucky and the girls feeling up to it, then it’s pretty much over. Even if your personal situation has more life than that, sex in the bedroom can still become a drag after a while.

So, switch it up. Think about different locations you can use: the living room, bathroom, kitchen…consider all possibilities, even if they at first seem far-fetched and silly. Also, think about locations away from the home once in a while.

Motels and cheap hotels offer a couple a fresh place to explore each other. Secondly, improvise and experiment with the positions you use. Missionary, girl on top, spoons, and doggy are all great, but always try to mix in a few more unusual, adventurous ones to spice things up.

Even if you find yourself in a tangle with your partner, you’ve still had fun and been spontaneous, which is a key component of any great sex life.

3. Communicate Fantasies

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Men, How Helping Around the House Can Get You Laid!

Sarah Elizabeth Malinak — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 13:30:39 +0000

This article is about the aphrodisiac of a man offering, perhaps even insisting, that he help out around the house; meaning, there can be an incredible pay off for helping with household chores, if you play your cards right!

In dual career relationships, the household chores still predominantly fall to the woman to accomplish. This reality may be the result of some latent chauvinism.

Latent Chauvinism

However, it is likely because most men do not seem to care if the house is straightened up, dishes done, or even if laundry has been taken care of at the end of a day. Some men will make a shirt and suit last another day and buy a fresh pair of socks and underwear rather than stay on top of the laundry at home.

Women, on the other hand, with their nesting instincts and natural bent for seeing the big picture tend to organize what they consider the necessities of life, including straightening up the home, doing the dishes, and staying on top of the laundry.

If work is brought home or children are involved on top of what it takes to keep a home running smoothly, your woman can spend all her free time at home organizing and carrying through with her plans to get it all done including the things you don’t find important.

Even if this imbalance is just the result of a difference in personalities and not the result of chauvinism, it can still produce bitterness and resentment in her that gets in the way of good loving. There is a way to create balance and seduction at the same time.

Creating Balance

Create an opportunity to have a conversation with her where you volunteer to help. Where you intend to help around the house needs to be something you are actually interested in doing, so go into this prepared. You may be willing to be given a chore list. However, if there are things you just do not want to become responsible for, think about which responsibilities appeal to you.

A good place to begin the conversation is to tell her you appreciate how much she does to keep the house running smoothly. Tell her that if it were up to you, you would not notice all the things she does that make your house a home.

If this is true for you, share with her that you also like it when you find she has time to relax, put her feet up, or soak in the tub; how that kind of feminine expression makes her attractive to you. Then tell her you want to help around the house.

Her Reaction May Vary

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4 Tips To Keep His Eyes From Wandering

Cynthia Perkins — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 13:51:52 +0000

Although most men enjoy looking at other women, assuming we’re dealing with at least a semi-emotionally healthy man, who doesn’t have ego, sex addiction or Don Juan issues, most men are not going to act on their biological urges as long as certain needs are met for them in their primary relationship.

The most empowering step a woman can take to preserve her relationship and reduce the risk he will wander is to be aware of these needs and provide them for her partner to the best of her ability.

Yes, it is a two way street and her needs are just as important as his and he too should make the same effort to provide for her, however at this time we’re focusing on the needs of the man.

1. Make Him Feel Appreciated, Wanted, Desired and Important

We all want to feel appreciated and desired, but research tells us that one of the main reasons a man strays is because of the way the other woman makes him feel. She makes him feel special, important, desired and appreciated. If he gets this at home, there will be no need for him to look for it elsewhere.

After a couple has been in a relationship for a while, the novelty wears off and both partners begin to take each other for granted. We forget about simple things like showing appreciation and expressing desire.

Again, men are just as guilty as women at falling into this rut, but for now we’re talking about helping the woman understand her man.

We’re not just talking about sex here. Just like women, the man wants to feel appreciated outside the bedroom as well. Acknowledge to him that you appreciate how he provides for your family, or how much you enjoyed the family vacation or outing you went on last week.

When he does a great job in the yard, fixes the window that’s been falling down for a year or stops the faucet from dripping let him know you appreciate it by saying thank you.

He wants to feel important in the household. Thank him for being a great father and let him know how lucky you are to have him as a husband. If he does something special for you, acknowledge it and express gratitude. Make a big deal out of the little things. Compliment him on his skills and knowledge.

2. Use Words and Actions to Show Your Love

Give him verbal appreciation, but also express it with your actions. Be thoughtful and caring by making him his favorite desert, buying him a small gift, giving him a massage or surprising him with some unexpected afternoon delights.

On the sex side of things, he wants to be appreciated and desired here too. Make him feel like he’s irresistible and you can’t keep your hands off him. Tell him how attractive he is to you, how much you desire him and what a great lover he is.

Take pleasure in giving him pleasure. Tell him how much you love his penis and how much you enjoy how it feels and tastes. Compliment his physique, his skill and his equipment. Shower him and his equipment with affection and adoration.

Now, I’m not saying you go overboard here or ignore problems that exist in the relationship, but there should be balance. If a couple only focuses on what’s wrong with the relationship and not on what’s good, then the good often gets lost in the shuffle.

Additionally, I’m not suggesting you lie or exaggerate. If you do that, he’ll feel patronized and you’ll grow resentful. Be honest and sincere.

3. Have Sex Frequently

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Top 10 Things Women Wish Men Would Do Before, During and After Sex

Lee Jenkins, author Female Orgasm Black Book — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 11:15:50 +0000

These days it should come as no surprise that women enjoy sex just as much as men do, but one thing that has stayed the same is that they would like men to ‘just know’ what they want without having to break down and tell them!

This article should make sex a real no-brainer for you from here on thanks to these ten things that women admit to wanting even if they don’t necessarily admit it to you!

Before Sex She Wants You To…

1. Kiss Her

It seems that kissing has become a bit of a lost art in this day and age and this is especially the case when a couple has been together for a long time. Spend a few minutes just kissing (a.k.a. making out) the way you did when you were a teenager. You’d be surprised at how hot kissing can really be!

2. Indulge in Some Foreplay

Women need a little more than guys do in order to get really turned in and primed for action. By treating them to more foreplay, not only do you increase their chances of an orgasm, but you’re also setting yourself up for some very hot sex to follow!

3. Be Romantic

This should come as no shocker to anyone as it has been a problem since the beginning of man! While women enjoy a hard sexy throw down on occasion, they still want to be pampered and romanced a little.

Take some time to light a candle or two or just say something romantic. It doesn’t take a bed sprinkled with rose petals to make a woman happy-though that would be great too.

During Sex She Wants You To…

4. Look Into Her Eyes

You can’t even begin to imagine how incredibly arousing it can be to keep your eyes focused on each other during sex.

It creates an intimacy like nothing else which most women crave from their partners and it can really help you get in tune with each other so you’re better able to know what feels good to them and what could use a little work; all without having to say a word.

5. Be A Little Rough

Yes, women want romance and tenderness, but most often before sex. During sex a woman wants to feel the passion and the urgency that comes from being wanted and desired.

Men are often afraid to be too rough, but the truth is that many women want to be handled a little harder during sex. Note: Tip #5 is a great one to help gauge just how rough you should be with her.

6. Not Forget Her Clitoris

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8 Ways You May be Betraying Your Lover

Scott and Stephen Petullo — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 18:45:17 +0000

Infidelity comes in many different forms besides having a sexual relationship with someone other than your lover, assuming you’ve agreed to a monogamous relationship with that person.

We’re often asked how romantic betrayal relates to spiritual tenets such as karma and personal destiny. In two words, a lot. Our long-term empirical research firmly indicates that everything you do and say will return to you, and usually not in the same lifetime.

The Big Picture

When looking at the big picture in relation to your love life, it’s important to realize that key circumstances and events, "good" and "bad," happen because that’s the way your soul (not your personality) planned them before birth so you can learn your lessons and grow spiritually.

However, you do have free will to make the most of every situation. You can also limit your future life karma by treating others as you want to be treated now. Below we list five ways you may be betraying your lover, possibly even without realizing you’re doing so.

1. Emotional Cheating

You have an emotionally intimate relationship with someone other than your spouse. You’re not sleeping with this other person, but still you have an intimate connection that you explore and nurture. If this sort of relationship isn’t acceptable with your spouse, then you are betraying them.

2. Fantasizing Outside the Relationship

You’re regularly fantasizing about someone else, even while in bed with your partner. If you and your partner have an agreement that it’s okay to do so, then fine, but beyond that, it’s a form of betrayal.

3. Disregarding Personal Health

You stop maintaining your health, take up unhealthy habits that cause your looks to deteriorate and, or otherwise are not making the most of your appearance and looking your best for your partner.

4. Decreasing Sexual Frequency

You limit the amount of sex between you and your significant other. Worse, you start to offer sex to your partner only under certain conditions, perhaps in exchange for something such as giving you more of his or her disposable income.

5. Cutting Off Your Partner

You cut off your lover emotionally or intellectually, or otherwise limit or sever vital human contact. Sure, relationships go through certain stages where you may change the way you relate, but to intentionally starve him or her of the type of emotional or mental contact you had prior is a form of betrayal.

6. Financial Irresponsibility

You are not financially responsible, spend more than you both make or have, and risk his or her good credit standing. Telling your lover he or she should be making more money isn’t an excuse for spending too much.

7. Just Pretending

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Swinger Disaster – He Couldn’t Get It Up! Is All Lost? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 11:05:25 +0000

Swinging can be a fun and enjoyable way to expand your sexual relationship with your partner and spice up things in the bedroom.

Inexperienced swingers, however, may find that the first few times are a little nerve wracking, especially if it involves a group of people.

If you find yourself being nervous during a swinging session, you might need to back up a little bit until you get more comfortable.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My wife and I just experienced our first swinger encounter, I am a very lucky man in having a wife that is so open to this. She was great – I, however, was a little nervous – so nervous that I had a difficult time getting an erection (this has never happened before!). I don’t know if it was the fact that I was being watched by 15 people or what… Do you have any tips to help me over come this problem of not being able to step up to bat? Thank you

–Adam, CO

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Performance Anxiety

Some people get "performance anxiety." This might happen when you’re alone with your partner, but it’s more likely to happen if you’re swinging with a couple or having a more voyeuristic adventure with more people.

You may find that you can’t get an erection or if you’re a woman, you may feel more shy and self conscious than before. It can be embarrassing, especially if you’re unable to get or maintain an erection, to have performance anxiety while swinging. What can you do?

Back Up A Little Bit

Stop and think about what might have made you uncomfortable while swinging. How did you feel? Were you nervous? Were you shy or self conscious? Were you wearing an outfit that was uncomfortable or you didn’t feel sexy in? Were there a number of people watching you swing?

Dig deep to find the culprit of your performance anxiety. There is a cause. Once you find it, you can begin to solve the problem so it doesn’t happen again. For example, if your swinging session involved more people than just the other couple you were swinging with, you can try swinging again with just one other person or perhaps just another couple.

If you were wearing an uncomfortable or unflattering outfit that made you feel self conscious or out of place, you can try swinging again while wearing something you feel really dynamite in. Don’t let one bout of performance anxiety turn you off from swinging forever.

Feeling Comfortable

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Spiritual Sex: Reuniting Body And Soul For A Whole Body Orgasm

Maya Silverman — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 11:39:16 +0000

In today’s stressful modern age, it seems as though the practice of sensuality has slowly become a lost art.

Just think about it: with our fast-paced culture and hectic schedules, it’s no wonder that we have very little time for things that require us to slow down and take our time especially when it comes to our sex lives!

Everyday Life Gets in the Way

After all, each one of us is guilty of this behavior. Perhaps you had a long day at the office, or you’ve got a big meeting to prepare for in the early morning. Either way, when you engage in lovemaking with your partner, your mind is somewhere else completely.

You’re focusing on that big report or review at the office, or maybe you’re forming a mental to-do list. Since you’re mind is entirely occupied by distracting thoughts, you can’t focus on lovemaking, and you deny yourself the pleasure that you need.

It’s not that difficult to see why we let the stress of our daily lives negatively affect our sexual energy.

Stress Affects Our Sex Lives

While the act of sex may not require that much thought, achieving an orgasm takes focus which can be hard to do if our minds are focused on our day at the office! Yet if you’re looking to reclaim your sexual pleasure from the stresses of modern life, and to achieve that elusive whole body orgasm that you’ve longed for, follow these rules to max out your soulful sack sessions!

When you want to get your partner revved up for a bedroom romp, chances are you probably focus less on touching and caressing and more on the actual act of sex. Yet if you’re looking to reunite your body and soul for a whole body orgasm that will have you seeing stars, you need to take a step back and focus more on the pleasure that comes with erotic touching.

Max Out Your Partner’s Bliss

Not only can you max out your partner’s bliss by taking the time to caress him or her, but you’ll be heightening the anticipation for lovemaking – a key ingredient for that whole body orgasm!

Erotic touching is an intense and soulful experience, so be sure to engage in intimate behavior: stare into your partner’s eyes while gently stroking him or her along the length of the body. Use erotic touching as a means to explore your partner like never before.

Sure, you may know every nook and cranny of your partner’s body, but how well do you really know it? By using erotic touching, you’ll experience your lover’s body in a new and more spiritual way that will intensify your relationship, both in and out of the bedroom.

Erotic Touching Melts the Tension

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Why Don’t We Ever Make Love Anymore?

Dr. Margaret Paul — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 19:41:36 +0000

I cannot tell you how often couples complain to me that they rarely make love. These are generally people who love each other, who enjoy being together and often have fun with each other. Yet they don’t have sex. Why does this happen so often?

Sexual arousal, especially for most women, comes from emotional intimacy and connection. While many men can have sex purely from physical desire, many women need emotional intimacy and connection to feel physical desire. While many men might love it if their wife would suddenly start to fondle their penis, many women feel violated when their husband grabs their breasts, crotch, or butt.

Gender Differences About Touch

I often hear from the woman I work with, “I just feel groped and disgusted when my husband grabs my breasts. Why doesn’t that turn me on? Is there something wrong with me?”

Many women do not feel drawn to touch or be touched in a sexual way until the feeling of love is flowing between them and their partner. Yet women have been trained to believe that they should respond sexually in the same way men do, and often feel inadequate when they do not feel turned on by the things that turn on men.

Hazel and Daniel were struggling with this issue of lack of sexuality. Just before their counseling session with me, they had a fight because Daniel fondled Hazel’s breasts while she was dressing in the morning, and then got angry when she didn’t like it.

Hazel had often expressed to Daniel that what turned her on was the deep kissing that resulted from emotional intimacy. Yet, even though Daniel said he wanted to make love, he would not intimately kiss Hazel.

Why?

As we explored the issue, it became apparent that neither Hazel nor Daniel felt safe with intimacy. While they loved each other, their fears of rejection and engulfment made them feel unsafe with each other.

When Hazel got critical, Daniel took it personally, and was unable to set loving limits against being controlled by Hazel. He would get angry and withdrawn, which would trigger Hazel’s fears of rejection.

Both Hazel and Daniel were afraid that if they were emotionally intimate, they would give themselves up to avoid rejection. Keeping the emotional distance felt safer than risking losing themselves or losing the other if they did not give themselves up. Yet sexuality could not flow without the loving feelings that come from emotional intimacy.

Be Conscious Of Your Intent

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Christian Couples FINALLY Enjoying ‘Whoopee’ Time!

Christ Pro Erotic — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 13:56:43 +0000

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ;Let me take the speck out of your eye when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?"" Matthew 7: 3,4 (New International Version)

Nearly five years since starting Christian Pro Erotic, after years of struggling with my faith and my sexual needs, after hearing the stories of many people of faith in the same situation I finally read the article in the July 7th Time Magazine.

Sexuality for Married Couples

And God Said, "Just Do It" is about Christian fellowships and churches tackling sexuality for married couples. It seems a movement is burgeoning where ministers and ministries are focusing on one issue: married couples in the church need more sex!

Finally, after so many years, we are cleaning a stubborn speck in the eye. Instead of putting down those in the world whose marriages do not live up to the snuff of church standards Christians will finally try to take out the plank of high divorce rates and failed sex lives from the eye of the body of Christ.

Christian couples are finding programs such as New Directions Christian Church (Memphis, Tennessee) with their series"40 Nights of Grreat Sex" or Relevant Church (Tampa, Florida) with their "30-Day Sex Challenge" available to them to help their marriages grow and prosper.

I can tell you 20 years ago or so the advice would have been to "just pray about it and God will give you the clues to figure our how it will work out".

A step in the right direction

Not anymore.

Now along with the Good Book we are finding couples armed with (gasp) the Joy of Sex in their arsenal to take back their bedrooms from a stale existence.

To me this is a step in the right direction and one which is way overdue; if these materials were available to Christian couples in the past–leadership and members–many marriages could have avoided heartache and tragedy in their lives. To realize they are failing in the battle in the bedroom is a signal playtime is over. The church is ready to catch up with many other couples who made each night a night to remember.

The church had a flimsy argument to folks outside the church about engaging in spicing up their bedroom life. We kept serving Vanilla when everyone else dove into cartons of Rocky Road and Cookies and Cream (whether you add this to your bedroom play is up to you).

The church balked at toys, oils, massages and (gasp) alternative venues to make things interesting. The thing I could not understand was how those folks who lasted 40 plus years together keep it together when it came to times of intimacy?

The road that led to adultery

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Threesomes As An Alternative Approach to Marriage Therapy? (Video)

Paul Carlson — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 13:14:02 +0000

Many times, after about six or seven years of a relationship or marriage, the sex life tends to dwindle.

As time goes on, the sex life continues to dwindle and sex with your partner becomes routine.

Your interest in sex with your partner may lessen, but this doesn’t mean that you love your partner less or your relationship is doomed. It just means your relationship has progressed naturally!

Can having a threesome bring the spice back into your partnership?

You had mentioned the other day that some therapists actually recommend bringing

a third person into the bedroom to spice up your sex life. Please explain…

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Threesomes aren’t for everyone.

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Lying Virgin – Do Hookers and Hand Jobs Count? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 14:44:41 +0000

If you’re in a relationship, you’re likely to be with someone who has had at least one other partner before you. Sometimes you’re with someone who hasn’t, or sometimes they’ve had more than they can count on their fingers . . . and toes.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can be difficult getting over the other women but not impossible.

Here’s how to come to terms with your partner’s past partners.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. When we were first together he said that he was a virgin. Since he was 20 I found this surprising but I trusted him. Only after I slept with him did he confess that he had been with someone when he was deployed in Korea (he’s in the army). He paid for it I think she was only a bartender not a regular hooker. She also did oral on him and he has received "hand jobs" and oral one other time. Now that I know all these I can’t get out of my head of him with other women and I am constantly worrying that I am not the best out of them. How do I get over the idea of my boyfriend being with a hooker of all people and the others? And to stop comparing myself?

- Laura, Ohio

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Realize They’ve Had Other Partners

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Peeping Tom – How Do I Turn My Fantasy Into Reality? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 14:33:53 +0000

Voyeurism. Watching. Peeping.

It’s not all bad…

Many people find themselves in the situation where they’re watching someone having sex, and they’re a little surprised to find out they enjoy it.

Everyone has a little bit of voyeurism in them, but what happens if you want to take it to the next level? What is okay and what isn’t?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Living next door is a beautiful girl my age. We are both 18. We have been friends and have flirted and done other fun things. My bedroom looks over at hers. I have sometimes seen her undressing and doing other sexy things. The other night I saw another guy in her room. They were making out. The shades were left open. To be honest I would like to see her doing it. I would like to watch them have sex. What suggestions would you give for me watching them without being caught? Could she want me to see her having sex? I want to do it with her, if I see them doing it. Should I tell her? What would I say? How do I say that I would like to be with her?

-Roger, PA

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Do they know I’m watching?

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Safe Sex: Can That Clear Fluid Really Get Me Pregnant? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 14:29:33 +0000

If you’re in a steady, sexual relationship with your partner, you may be wondering just how risky you can be sexually without getting pregnant. You’re not alone!

Many people want to test the boundaries and do as much with each other without a condom as possible. Some people say that it feels better and others just like the physical closeness and intimacy.

One thing is for sure though, it is always better to be safe than sorry!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

The white/clear liquid that comes from a guy as lube, does that contain sperms?

Is it enough to get a female pregnant?

-Tori, CA

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There’s always a risk of pregnancy and STD’s when you have sex.

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